Dark Cloud Hanging Overhead, Hard to let the Sun Shine Through
There is one thing that’s certain. There is always a blue sky somewhere, even though occasionally this seems to be a little hard to get your head around.
I’m getting better all the time but I am still reacting adversely to certain outside stimuli.
When this happens the feeling I get is one of “frustration”, a bit of nagging anger and a general shittiness that I can’t quite put my finger on and as a result cannot immediately address. It’s a bit like a mosquito buzzing around my head late at night when the lights go out. You can live with it but at the same time you want to destroy the little motherfucker.
I’m wondering why I can’t just acknowledge the feeling when it happens and have it disappear in a “puff of smoke” but unfortunately I find myself clinging onto it for a while until it eventually just goes away on it’s own steam.
Having said that “It’s getting better all the time.”
The one ingredient that is always there in these cases is mystery, the unknown or “can’t quite hit the nail on the head”.
Yes, not quite knowing what is going on. That’s it.
Whether it is somebody else being shitty with me and me not quite knowing why or me wrongly blaming somebody else for something negative that is happening and half believing that this could be so.
The thing is that when the grey cloud comes over it isn’t as easy to dissipate it as it seemingly should be. It gets more solid the more you resist it. The more you feel frustrated, angry, anxious, pissed off the darker the cloud becomes.
What isn’t there is “space”, some distance between this black mass and yourself which makes it so damn hard to look at it objectively.
What I’m realising right now as I write is that somehow you’ve got to disentangle yourself from the black mass, gently move it away as quickly as possible or even slowly if that’s all you can manage. It’s not you and it’s not yours unless you allow it to be and it sure as hell does not have a life of it’s own..
You can’t really look at it until it is some distance away from you and then in most cases it just goes “phffff” all on it’s own and magically disappears without you even have to analyze it because really, most of the time it is just simply a black mass and does not deserve any recognition at all.
I’m finding more and more that the trick is to just be an observer when it comes to “all things dark and foreboding”.
Like somebody said the other day when they were explaining meditation in a very simplified manner.
Just sit on the side of the road and observe the traffic going by, don’t try to control it or engage with it, simply watch it as it moves by in front of you.
It’s taken me a whole lifetime to accept this level of simplicity. I have spent the whole of my life looking deeply into complexities and convoluted ideas.
How could the mysteries of life be so damn simple?
All you need to do is to create space.
In simplicity there is a universe of answers that stay hidden until you achieve the basic awareness that all you have to do is to just observe and separate yourself from the black cloud and create some space and then the sky is magically blue again.
