Defrag Blues Feb 1 – April 30, 2023

Conversations With Myself

Bali Adventures February/March 2023

Wednesday February 1, 2023

The gods are frowning upon me. Angry for some unknown reason. Thwarting my plans and purposes like possessive guard dogs outside a Chinese Temple.

The illusion was that we were going to arrive in Bali and some magical mist was going to spray down upon us which ideally transferred us to an wonderful and effortless place where life and living just got better each day. 

The truth of the matter this morning is that we went in the opposite direction. After a few ups and downs throughout the trip and our arrival in Bali everything looked like it was sort of going to go to plan. Then at 1 a.m last night the villa filled with blood curdling and anguished curses and noises. Georgie woke up and ran down the stairs. It turned out that Finn had got caught up in his mosquito net when he was getting out of this bed, tripped and fell on his knee which has resulted in him not being able to walk on it and a great deal of pain. Looks like we’ll have to take him to the hospital today to get some x-rays and advice. I have my fingers crossed that it’s only a minor bruise and not something that will have him on his back for weeks.

Finn has so far run hot and cold on Bali. His first words at the airport were “ Bali is like the Mexico of Asia”. I have no idea what he was thinking when he uttered these words. He is like Dr Jekyl And Mr Hyde in many ways. You never know what to expect. From where I stand Finn is ultra critical, blames everything on everyone else, for the condition he is in, for what goes wrong. He has huge reserves of anger that explode like a volcano or as he says “it’s like a piece of glass is shattered in my head”.

I wondered this morning whether both of my sons are and were a reflection or result of my fathering skills or simply  some fucked up Karma that has been sent to test me. How

much of a persons personality is formed by their upbringing and parental influences and how much comes from their innate personality. How much angst is fuelled by mis-functioning neurotransmitters? How much damage is done by parents behaviour in front of their kids?

If something isn’t working properly the first step

is to observe it and diagnose what is potentially happening. 

Maybe not why it isn’t functioning in its optimal state but certainly observing the  observable symptoms in order to come to a conclusion that can lead to a positive change.

In an ideal world each of us should be able to use self discipline to apply reason to our own situations but that’s far from what happens because we all have blind spots. Maybe others can see what’s going on but if the individual cannot put any distance between himself and the issue at hand in order to observe it objectively then there is no chance of being able to accept personal responsibility.

The problem here is that if we don’t take the necessary actions to change ourselves then the universe will take its own actions against us. This will usually manifest in a life not lived to its full potential plus unhappiness and pain.

Of course, this is the simple reason that we all have to remain vigilante and  constantly work on improving ourselves as well as monitoring how we affect others.

A father cannot get away with it by saying “I just don’t understand my son/daughter”. This is defeatism and displays a lack of responsibility. What’s really happening is that it’s either a matter of broken communication, disagreements on viewpoints and actions or simply just not enough love or affinity or at least not enough to get by.

You might feel like the most enlightened person in the universe but this means fuck all when it comes to helping offspring  grow and improve.

Maybe I am wrong in the manner in which I view life. Maybe life isn’t all about inspiration, compassion and tolerance. That certainly works for me but the simple reality based on history is that these “qualities” are only embraced by a minority. 

Having said all of that a family is made of individuals as is a society. The trick is how to rig things so more good can come about than destruction. By this I mean good for the group and consequently the individuals in it to forward their goals and purposes.

I’m getting a bit theoretical now. What I need to be looking at is working with what I have. I believe that our decision to bring Finn to Bali was the correct one. It will mean a totally different experience for us, different challenges and even heartbreak but it is what it is and we can only do what we can do.

As the day goes on things are looking more positive overall. Finn is still in pain and is incapacitated but can hobble around the villa, we are going to try lunch a bit later. He recalls what happened last night now. He reached out of bed through the mosquito netting to get his water and knocked it over, he then went to the bathroom to get a towel to mop up the water but when he came back he slipped on the water and came down bending his knee and ankle in the process. So it was a bit different than I imagined.

From a Jack to a King from deep in shit to a happy thing…..

Yes, magic has happened today. We got into a Gojek in Penestanan to go to Muse for lunch and the driver, whose name was Adi turned out to be a gift from the gods. Seriously, no shit, what happened next was amazing, truly phenomenal. We told him about Finn’s injury and even though it may be hard to believe he told us that he knew a bone healer, really! That sort of shit only happens to people who are blessed by the gods. So in 24 hours these strange Balinese gods turned on us but somehow realised that they had made a mistake and made things go right for us. Adi took us to Wayan who very adeptly launched into an amazing manipulation to put Finn’s knee and ankle bone back where they should be. Sure it hurt him but apart from saving a fortune in doctors fees I believe that his work will help Finn’s wounds heal a lot faster and certainly a lot more efficiently.

Thursday February 2, 2023

On a positive note, even though I didn’t really feel that I did a great deal of exercise yesterday I did end up doing over 20,000 steps.

It’s 6.15 am and the million dollar question is “Do I go walking in the rain?”. Yes, it’s been raining all night and is still dribbling down this morning. I’ll give it a bit more time to stop which I think it will as the sun starts to rise. The roosters are crowing but apart from that and the rain there are no other sounds of life, well I’m lying because I’ve just heard what sounds like thousands of birds trilling and singing and I can even make out the sound of motor scooters in the far distance. Hearing is one of those things that you just take for granted so much that you can sort of block out all sorts of sounds but when you put your awareness or attention out they are always there to experience. What seems like silence can become a cacophony of sound within seconds.

Like I said earlier, by which I mean in yesterday’s journal, what could have been a nightmare morphed into a really good first day. Finn will be out of action for about a week but in some ways this will give him time to blend into Bali’s chilled out vibe so the transition won’t be so extreme. I’ll just have to be patient and be happy that the first week will be about hopefully just about cutting out junk food.

After we left the Balinese bone healer the guys dropped me off in central Ubud and I wandered up to the Barbershop. Indra remembered me and even called me by name, he was standing outside with his fellow barbers and looked at me briefly with an inquisitive look in his eyes and then called out “Gary”. If I had to compare the haircut with what I get in Melbourne it would be pretty hard. I only had 2 haircuts in the 6 weeks that I was back and each one cost over $50, one was $75! That was for a 10 minute slip and slop. What I got yesterday was so much better, a haircut, a beard trim, a shave, a hair wash and to top it all of a great massage. This took an hour and only cost me $12. The moral is that grooming is far cheaper and easier in Bali than Melbourne.

OK. I think the world is ready to go for a walk. The rain hasn’t completely stopped but I reckon that I won’t get all that wet, so here goes, I’m out of here.

I’ve just half completed ridge walk #2 and now I’m sitting in my favourite early morning place, Kastara, having a hot, strong black Bali coffee. The ridge is wet, Misty but certainly not cold. I have a healthy sweat all over my body that didn’t take long to get going. This morning I’ve been creating a new walking playlist that is a bit “kinder” than my 120 BPM playlist. I find that walking to a beat is by far the best way to stay consistent for me

The ridge walk is a lot quieter this morning more than likely because of the rain which has now pretty much disappeared.

Komang returns today to continue his never ending work at the villa. Talking about the villa, Georgie and I discussed putting in better lighting, having spots in the paintings and a couple of extra floor lamps and maybe even table lamps to give more ambience. It’s tweaking time. If we can plan the changes early in we will be in a better place when we leave in 6 weeks .I had an idea to find a whole lot of little artifices to place on the ridge on the staircase. Now I’ve just got to find something that works. It’s mighty important that we remain in a constant state of create. I also need to buy more faces for the gang wall. Then there is the moasauc work that I’m keen to begin in the gang. Another thing that I should do today is to set up the projector and screen. 

So what about today. What can we get done. A haircut and wash for Finn. Join the gym and sauna at ParQ, hopefully Finn will be as impressed as I am. A massage at Eka’s place, and a long morning walk with Georgie.

We’ll go back to the bone healer tomorrow to get some more Finn a massage and more healing work done on his damaged knee and ankle. OMG, we were so bloody lucky finding him yesterday. In actual fact it was somewhat of a miracle which I should look at as a good omen for the rest of our trip. I’m going to have a go at getting at least one massage from him, he might be able to help with my neuropathy, who knows?

We’ve just returned from our second walk. This one with Georgie and  a bit more gentle but still about one hour. I’m up to 17,500 steps for the day so far. It’s 11.30 a.m, we are about to head off to the barbershop and then to have lunch.

Friday February 3, 2023

I’m forsaking my early morning (6 a.m) walk up Tjampuan Ridge this morning. Apart from my legs being really sore after my first 2 extreme days of walking in Bali I was also up at 1.30 a.m last night chatting to Finn. I woke up then after a few hours sleep and he called up and asked “Hey Boss Do you want to have a chat?” What do you do? Somehow I made my way down the stairs with my eyes half closed wishing that I could return to the wonderful slumber that I had just awaken from. Finn is experiencing a whole new reality in Bali. No bud, no overt junk food and the only thing to get him through is a stash of whiskey, vitamins and a few pain killers to help relieve his battered knee and ankle. I’m not going to go in to what we talked about here and now but will look at it myself later in the day. Needless to say, it broke my heart several times over. There is a gargantuan job ahead. Pelan pelan as the Balinese people say, that means slowly slowly.

One thing that did become terribly obvious was that there are certain things that Finn doesn’t feel comfortable talking about with me or Georgie either. This is the keystone to the whole thing really. We broke down a few walls last night but I suspect that the fact that he had drunk what seemed like a fair bit of alcohol loosened his tongue and uninhibited his flow of communication.

The one thing I am certain about is that I cannot give him advice based on what I would do or how I would handle the predicament that he perceives that he’s in. I’m sure that this would only close down any potential trust he has in me. What I do have to do is to choose the “perfect” entry point and remain focused and very, very patient and tolerant. I just don’t know what that is right now. Methinks this will be a rough journey for both of us albeit one that we must pursue.

After about an hour of talking I gave him a strong melatonin tablet and watched him actually lie down on his bed before I crawled back up the stairs and eventually went back to sleep. I’ll let him sleep until about 10 a.m and then we will be heading off to the Balian to have more work done on his knee and ankle.

Georgie and I did our first session in the sauna and cold plunge yesterday. It was fun going back to ParQ. What a bizarre place it is, unique and possibly only to be found in the middle of Bali although I’m only assuming this. The positive side of the place is that they have a wonderful sauna, cold plunge, soon to open haman  (Turkish steam room) and a very modern and well equipped gym. It’s extravagant, eclectic and exotic.

It’s now 10 a.m and we’ve just returned from a 2 hour stroll around Penestanan. We had a coffee at Yellow Flower where we stayed with Paul and Allissa way back in 1997 and then strolled through Penestanan. Also ran into a guy we met several years ago who lives in Penestanan Kaja just near Moksa Restaurant and organic Food market. He has jam sessions on Sunday and he’s invited us. Maybe not this Sunday because we have our big birthday extravaganza at The W Sunday Brunch. This might be a great place for Finn to meet some new people.

I spoke to Georgie about what happened last night, we are on the same page …. Plan plan (slowly slowly) is our strategy. Calm, cool and collected without any great expectations. I’m sure good things will happen. The funny thing is that we both realise that all of the emotions are actually a positive thing even though they are a bit hard to confront. At least they are rising to the surface and visible so we can potentially address each one as it comes up. 

We go to the Balian Bone Healer at 11 and then if all goes as planned we will all go to the Gym and Sauna, even if Finn just sits in the restaurant today there will be other young people around and you never know he might meet someone.

Saturday February 4, 2023

I’m starting Saturday’s journal entry on Friday night. Friday went so fast, its hard to believe that it’s almost 7 p.m. It was a very good day. I got in about 16,000 steps, a decent workout at the gym and 2 rounds in the sauna and cold plunge plus I had a 60 minute Balinese massage from Wayan. We ate  a light lunch at Ronin Japanese restaurant at ParQ and my dinner was leftover fish curry and a protein drink.

Finn had a session with Wayan, the Balian who has been working on his knee and ankle and all is looking good. Still not 100% but well on the way to a recovery. Our wonderful handyman Komang fixed the entry and re-tiled 2 rows of tiles after removing a dangerous piece of wood that was in the joglo entry and part of the structure of the original door. Perfect job.

We even met a very interesting guy from Melbourne in the sauna. Unfortunately I didn’t do a very good job of remembering his name and either did Georgie but we both had a fascinating and pleasant conversation with him. One of those rare finds that we love.

Georgie and I are just about to hit the sack. We just got back from Sami Warung where a great Balinese trio play every Friday night. The band is called Golden Mojo, 2 guitarists who sing and a drummer. Finn loved it and interacted with the guys in the band by requesting songs and generally showing his appreciation , I’ve got to admit I thoroughly enjoyed it as well but it’s pumpkin time for us now and unfortunately we had to leave when the night was still young so I can get to bed early and bound out of bed at 5.45 a.m and prepare for my walk up the Tjampuan Ridge.

Another day in paradise.

I wake up at 1.30 a.m almost every night to go to the toilet which is pretty much the same as I do in Melbourne albeit at 4.30 a.m … same, same. Then my eyes open again sometime between 5.30 and 6.00 a.m. To my surprise this morning Georgie was awake and asked if she could come on the rigorous walk up the Tjampuan Ridge. We left at 6.30 a.m and stopped at Kastara for a coffee, we finally got back to Villa Tusk at 8.30 dripping with sweat because I ran sporadically and then walked back to Georgie. This is a good strategy for when we do this walk together because I get the extra exercise and that bit of extra push that I love in the mornings.

The first thing that I did when we got back was to dry myself off and dig out the next set of retainers for my teeth. I’m up to B2 now after 3 weeks of B1. It always comes as a shock when I put the next set in but that’s part of the journey. 

We met a really friendly German guy on the path this morning named Steph. He has a silver jewellery shop in Monkey Forest Rd and like us spends half his time in Bali and the other 6 months in Germany. What I nice surprise it was to meet a friendly German but I must say there was some other DNA in there somewhere, maybe mediterranean which explained his big smile and willingness to communicate.

Now we are back at the villa it’s time to relax for a while waiting for Finn to stick his head out of his bedroom and say good morning. We had a few frogs and geckos last night serenading each other that I don’t think he was too impressed with. I’ve stopped noticing the sounds of the rice paddies but for Finn they are still very obvious and obtrusive.

His knee and ankle appear to be healing quote nicely, there is still a limp but he’s walking faster and I suspect that the treatments that he’s receiving from the Balian healer are aiding the healing significantly.

The plan for today is to wait for Finn. He needs some work on his feet, heal cracks, lying toe nails and finger nails so hopefully he will consent to go to Eka’s place with Georgie and get a workover plus a massage. Then it’s off to the gym and sauna again. The idea is not to eat too much today so tomorrows birthday brunch is a fully appreciated extravaganza. I think that we are all secretly excited about the prospects of so much lovely food available at our fingertips.

I had an idea this morning that we could organise a lunch or dinner with Gary, Rosie, Christine and Tim to help celebrate my birthday week early next week. Maybe Tuesday evening. We are booked in for our Oxygen Therapy session at Kasih Abu Hospital next Tuesday morning. I’m also thinking that this might help Finn’s leg heal even better. I’ll play around with my Kerala Fish Curry and see if I can make that for the dinner, I can teach Purnami while I work out how to get it right myself. I also realized that we need to buy a rice cooker for the villa and even more important a water filter to get some of the toxic micro plastics out of the bottled water that we use for us and our guests. There is more and more evidence that this is carcinogenic. Purnami is making us fresh coconut milk each day. It is fabulous having a litre of organic, fresh coconut milk in the refrigerator each day to use in out whey protein, collagen and creatine smoothies. I also use a bit in the electrolyte drink that I force down our throats each day to make up for all of the sweating. Finn is taking his daily vitamins and supplements. He’s doing great not having his regular daily smoking sessions plus he hasn’t really had any junk food since we have been here. This in itself is a huge breakthrough. I’ve got to keep this in mind when I look at the progress that we are making.

So there you have it. So far, so good. We’ll see how today pans out.

Sunday February 5, 2023

I’m celebrating the dawn of my 72nd year sitting at a jungle resort in the pouring rain. What? Yep, I set out from home at about 6.20 a.m in the dawn light, you know that wonderful time between night and day. When I woke at 4 a.m the rain was bucketing down but I was optimistic that it would  stop at 6. It did, so I put on my shorts and walking shoes, grabbed a 50,000 IDR note ( for coffee) put my earphones on, fired up Spotify and set off down our gang towards the temple that sits at the beginning of my morning ridge walk through the jungle. All clear, no rain so I was quite confident that it wouldn’t start up again. How wrong can a man be! About 15 minutes in the rain started again and got heavier and heavier untilI I almost turned around. Then I thought “screw it, this is a bloody adventure all in itself. A perfect way to begin my birthday “. Needless to say I got drenched but at the same time there was something liberating about walking up a mountain path in the tropics with the warm rain hitting and drenching  my skin.

So I’m half way now, almost finished my coffee. Feeling great and anticipating a fabulous day. I even feel some endorphins streaming through my veins, that feeling of satisfaction, hope and happiness that I find myself perpetually striving for.

It’s been 25,933 days since that fateful hot Summer morning when I was born in a small hospital in Toorak. What a wonderful life I have had. I haven’t set the world on fire in any significant day but at the same time I feel that my presence has overall had a more positive effect on mankind than a negative one. I am happy with that.

Have I squandered time? Have I passed over opportunities? Could things have been different? Sure. But I don’t think I would change a thing about my life, maybe that’s not 100% for sure but to do that would mean that the present reality would be different. Anyway, regret and blame are shitty states to be in and hold you back, stuck in some earlier point that no longer exists apart from as a fragile image that you carry around with you.

What matters now is simply that, NOW. What is to come and the good deeds that I can potentially do are going to be based on vigilante mindfulness of the present and a sense of personal ethics, knowledge, clarification, understanding, acceptance and compassion. My goal is to savour every moment. All of them. The glory, the challenges, the peace, the epiphanies, the satisfaction, the achievements, the creativity, the craziness and the spontaneous reactions to whatever life dishes out to me.

I’m feeling particularly good today, full of energy, full of hope, truly excited about each moment that I will experience. There’s more to learn, more to realise, more to achieve but I’m happy with the journey that I have walked since that hot February day almost 38 million minutes ago.

Monday February 6, 2023

It is my first ever experience of what seems like a Balinese winter. This morning is actually almost cold and to top this off the world outside is waterlogged. The rain came down most of the night, sometimes as a torrential downpour. At 8 a.m it is still dribbling. I stayed in bed this morning which was OK. My body needed a bit of recovery time and I’m sure the extra sleep might have facilitated this need. I will be getting quite a lot of exercise done a bit later today. Georgie and I were about to go on a morning stroll and even that has now been thwarted due to the rain kicking back in over the past few minutes. It is still officially rainy season but this is normally easing up by now. January generally is the coolest month. Who knows what is happening, we might just be having a few freak days. We eventually did set out on our walk but the rain kept falling so we dropped into a close coffee shop and had a very pricey black coffee before returning to the Villa.

I was interested in my reaction to Finn slipping again last night after we arrived back. I had such a loss which I am certain that he did as well. I’m not even going to start trying to figure, figure. He just slipped and his foot went into the subak water channel and he grazed his knee again as well as his hand. It looks like there will be setbacks for every step forward. That will just have to be accepted by all of us.

The problem with confronting something is that you start noticing the outpoints. It’s a bit like when you start cleaning up your house, the more you clean/confront, the more you notice marks, dust, spider webs and piles of crap. That’s what is happening with me and Finn in Bali. At home I just didn’t choose to look at the reality of his body getting bigger and bigger and him becoming unhappier and unhappier. He would retreat down to his underground lair and our interaction was limited. In Bali we are in each others faces all of the time and as a result the reality of his current condition has a big light shining on it. The simple truth is that if things kept on as they were then it would have taken a crisis to force us to confront the reality of the situation. This way it is a self determined decision as opposed to something that is forced upon us by the universe. 

So what comes after confront? Well, it’s contributing to what is there in front of you. That’s the beauty and also the harsh reality of looking, you see what is there and simply have to do something about it. So this is happening albeit in small increments. The trick now is how do we pick up the momentum.

Create

Responsible for (willing to control) 

Contribute to

Confront

Have

Waste

Substitute

Waste substitute

Had

Must be confronted

Must be contributed to

Created

The scale above is called The Havingness Scale. I never really understood it until I attended a lecture in the early 80s by a guy named Peter Gillham.

The pivotal point is that HAVE. When you have something you either confront it and work up the scale or you waste it and go down the scale.

As a father my only option is to persist and do everything in my power to keep Finn confronting his body and noticing even the slightest positive change. Even taking a daily photograph (which I admit won’t be easy without his full agreement). If I can eventually help him contribute to his body by exercising, eating better food, eating less rubbish, exercising, grooming to become responsible for it (being willing to control it) then we will get somewhere.

This will eventually lead to him creating his body. 

The thing is both Georgie and I have done this, we’ve attained the fruits of our hard work and yes, it did follow the pattern of the Havingness Scale that I’ve shown above. I’ve written thousands of words about what we did, I know what needs to be done to get results. At the moment I just have to count my lucky stars for every minute (extremely small) improvement that happens, be constantly vigilant and never, ever give up no matter how hard or uncomfortable it gets.

Both Finn and I had treatments at the Balian (healer) this morning. I had a very intense massage, he found 3 spots that he worked on. Very painful but I think we’ll worth the experience. Finn had more work done on his knee, luckily yesterdays experience (the fall) was only superficial by the looks of things so far. Georgie is at the bank fixing up our debit card which has been put on hold. Finn and I are at Savannah Warung next to the healers place where he is having an early lunch then it’s off to the gym for some serious work to out create the calories that we devoured at lunch yesterday.

Tuesday February 7, 2023

Today marks our first week in Bali. For some people that’s the whole trip for us it’s just the beginning. 35 days to go, 35 days to make huge changes. It’s so easy to have huge expectations when you are hatching a Plan or a Project but as is always the case the proof is in the pudding. Finn had his third haircut in as many weeks last night and then we meandered across to Casa Luna for a small meal together. His body must be rejoicing in some ways and revolting against itself in others. I feel that there may be some biological confusion happening right now.

We are pretty good as a family apart from the odd moments when the tension bubbles up but I’ll take the good times thank you very much. The negatives are to be expected.

Today will be our first HBOT session (oxygen). I’m not putting too

Many expectations on the first session but I’m hoping to see some very positive results by the 3rd week. Theoretically the oxygen will help create new arteries and capillaries to get oxygen to areas that need it.

Now, about me. I am feeling fabulous. Fit and healthy, full

Of life and energy. It’s possibly the fittest I have been in my life but I may be exaggerating. My morning walks up the Tjampuan Ridge are getting easier and easier as are my gym workouts, by the time Georgia and I get to Europe in May we will both be in pretty good shape for long walks and adventures.

We have a dinner planned for this evening. I will prepare a Kerala Fish Curry for dinner, fingers crossed that I can pull it off. I’ll need to go shopping for some food and flowers plus a few beers. I’ll need fish, garlic, onion, tomatoes, some sort of Indian bread, a few beers for the boys and maybe some ice cream. The other thing Georgie and I need to do today is to do some planning in regard to the villa. You know, things we need, tweets, projects that we need to instigate while we are here this time. We won’t be back until

August so we have to make certain that the big projects are under control before we leave.

Fingers crossed that Finn slept well after 4 a.m. Because of all the rain there has been a raucous cacophony of sound throughout the nights. The rain pouring down, the frogs croaking chaotically, the insects buzzing, the roosters crowing. Finn has had a hard time sleeping through this. Maybe we need to look at changing bedrooms. I’m not certain whether it might be quieter upstairs. Anyway, I’m hoping and I have my fingers crossed that he slept well at least from 4 am onwards.

I had a good talk with Allissa yesterday. She’s back in Melbourne after a week in Sydney. I think she’s off to W.A in the next few days and she might even drop into Bali for a few days.

Wednesday February 8, 2023

My body spoke to me at 4 a.m and whispered to me to take it easy today. Somewhere between then and 6 a.m I also made a decision to sleep in a bit longer and forsake my morning walk. My Oura ring confirmed that I needed to have a rest a bit later.

I suppose getting to bed 2 hours later than usual certainly didn’t help.

Our dinner party that we put on last night to belatedly celebrate my birthday was a huge success although the rain came down throughout the evening. Having Purnami to help me prepare the main meal was amazing, she did all of the shopping and was there when I needed more ingredients. I still haven’t perfected my Kerala Fish Curry but I came closer than I ever have before last night. Christine bought along some gorgeous curry puffs that she had specially ordered from a restaurant called Little India. We had organised a huge plate of Tuna Sate (Sate Ikan) with a spicy sauce and this was just the entree. Georgie buckled and bought Rose and a couple of large Bintangs, Tim bought along a bottle of wine and the rest of us drank soda water part from Gary E who partook in the wine with Georgie and Tim. 

I think I may have already had enough to eat by the time I dished up the Fish Curry which I had made from scratch using whole spices, ground spices, shallots and yummy Mahi Mahi fillets which Purnami had bought for me. We served the Fish Curry with rice and lawar, which is a simple vegetable dish made from green beans and grated coconut. We’ve got lots of food left over for today. Rosie bought along an apple cake which we had with fruit salad and coconut chia desert and vanilla ice cream.

Our villa is very conducive to having a dinner party. Georgie changed the configuration of the big blue couches in the main joglo space which created a great conversation area. Christine and Tim left at about around 9 p.m and Gary and Rosie left about an hour later. The big surprise was Finn. Although he stayed in his room most of the night he did come out from time to time and interacted relatively effortlessly with our guests. I must admit that I was very impressed with his social skills and his dissertation on CHAT GPT which showed that he had a greater understanding of A.I than any of the adults in the room.

Georgie has our bookkeeper coming this morning and Finn and I will head off to the Balian (healer) for some more treatment on his ankle and knee plus another massage for me.

Later on the plan is to go to the gym and sauna.

The big thing yesterday was Finn’s first HBOT session. We arrived just after 10 a.m and he had his doctor consultation and X-rays. The doctor looked at his ankle and knee and confirmed that it was sprained and not broken. The x-ray showed a bit of scarring at the top of his left lung, not too much to worry about but something well worth following up. Finn struggled with the pressure as it increased, thank goodness for the nurse who looked after him. He also had a hard time with Georgie’s loud and strenuous breathing but the main problem was his abhorrence toward the mask and the feeling of claustrophobia that a small percentage of people get when they do hyperbaric oxygen. I haven’t talked about it with him yet. I’ll give it a few days and then have a chat to see how he feels about continuing next week. Fingers crossed.

So if I had to say what the best aspects of our trip are so far I would easily say that it’s the familial contact that we are having. Spending so much time with Finn in a new environment has been challenging at times but overall it has been fabulous. I’m feeling quite confident that we will come out of this 6 weeks a lot closer and in a better condition as a family, plus I haven’t given up on Finn’s overall health, fitness and mental attitude toward life.

Thursday February 9, 2023

It’s 2.30 p.m in the afternoon, Bali time. I didn’t get a chance to write this morning, my body needed a long sleep. I went to bed at the almost comedic time of 7.30 and got up again at 7 this morning but this did result in a very therapeutic night of rest which I obviously needed. There is something subtle going on with my body, maybe a mild reaction to something I ate, maybe a response to my incredibly intense and therapeutic Balinese massages from the Balian, Wayan. I don’t know! But I’m feeling better today (almost). Loose stools which is quite unusual for me.

We dropped into Kasih Ibu this morning and ended up being there longer than expected but it was worth the trip. Now we are back at the villa. We ate the Fish Curry that I made for the dinner party for lunch, it was delicious, then I had a small slice of Rosie’s cake with some ice cream which was yummy but in the bigger picture not such a great idea.

Georgie and I trekked up the Tjampuan Ridge this morning around 7.30 a.m. It was so busy at this time, almost claustrophobic with rows of people sauntering aimlessly blocking the path. We had out obligatory coffee at Kastara and then made our way back down the ridge and home to Penestanan.

The days go extremely fast in Bali, but that’s just an illusion .… of course it is! It doesn’t really matter because one cycle just melds into another and it always seems so much like the present that the concept of time sort of changes.

My lifelong friend Peter Roussos is coming to Bali in a few days, 5 to be precise. He’s turning 70 on Sunday, exactly 12 months and 1 week after I did. The little shit lied to me back in 1968 when we played in a band called The Woz together. He convinced me that he was 17 when I was 16 but in reality he was really 15. Different times, different rules. Because we were so young we sort of had to compensate somehow. The band lasted until the waning moments of that year when we went to Queensland to play some gigs on the Gold Coast. Peter had a ferocious punch up with the bass player, Bob Burns who was at least 6 years his senior. That was the end of the band, the demise of my childhood glory. We drove back to Melbourne in Peter Smith’s old combo van and my life as a child prodigy came to an end. That’s a whole new story in itself which I’ll talk about some other time.

It’s almost 3 now and Georgie and I will head off to the gym at ParQ on the other side of Ubud. 

Overall there is nothing to worry about, no reason to be stressed. Life is good. I am happy.

We went into Ubud to have a look at a clothing store in the hope of finding some clothing for my birthday present from Georgie. Unfortunately, as much as I love shopping I need to be on my own when I’m trying clothes on so we sciddadled before I found anything, even though I secretly liked a few of the pieces that I found. Now I’m waiting for a haircut on the way to ParQ. Chances are that we will fire sake our workout today and just have a sauna but overall this Might be wise seeing that my Oura ring is still telling me to take things easy.

We had the internet repair man come today to fix up the internet but still need to find an IT guy to get our internal network going properly.

Georgie is sitting next door at Meri having a cup

Of tea and ringing Kaye while I wait for my haircut.

It has looked like it might rain all day but the drops still haven’t started falling but I’m almost certain that they will before the day is over.

Bali is such an crazy and eclectic place which I am slowly in

understanding more and more all of the time. We just hopped in a gojek car that looked new. Yes, it was 5 days old. My first question was “when do the priests do ceremony for new car “ The answer was “tonight” because it is an auspicious day to have a ceremony for a car. Howzat? That’s Bali for you. I only had a haircut a week ago but I can afford to get one every week in Bali which I love. That’s done now but it took so long that we had to foresake the gym and walk back to Penestanan. I got a bit black for a while about not going to the sauna/gym but overall it was the right decision. We can walk up early tomorrow morning after I do the ridge walk and get an early start at the gym and sauna and be back before Finn gets going for the day. There always seems to be a need to do something of significance but it doesn’t really matter, does it! Finn needs to rest his ankle and the best way to do that is to stay at the Villa and not walk on it.

I’m currently waiting for Finn and Georgie at Tiger, our be local Japanese Restaurant. I decided to come straight here and get a table but my secret was that I didn’t want to go back to the Villa and take ages to get out again.

We finished our day with a meal at Tygr, our local Japanese restaurant. Finn was over the moon with the Chicken Katsu curry, I enjoyed my salad and Georgie had a selection of sushi. Overall the meal and restaurant was a huge success and it finished up as an 8/10 sort of day.

Friday February 10, 2023

I had a very fragmented sleep last night. It began with an early nightmare. One of those horror moments when I fell off the wagon and acted like a dick. I woke when my father appeared with a knife through his heart. Fuck, how horrible is that? It was only 1.30 when I had this dream, it felt like I woke up on the hour every hour to a greater or lesser degree.

Finn is doing well overall but unfortunately he has discovered Bintang, Bali beer. It looks like he is completely overindulging into the early hours of the morning. He then sleeps in until at least 10 am. It’s one of those 2 steps forward and one step back scenarios. The big question now is how do I get him to self determinedly give up the booze? At this point I will give him until early next week when I’m hoping all the ducks will fall in place and he will join the gym and start having saunas and cold plunges. I think if we go back with things as they are we will have achieved very little. This would be such a waste of a huge opportunity. I am yet to see whether he will continue on with the HBOT next week, I have my fingers crossed. 

On a positive note my friend Joe Llatse is doing well with his weight loss project. He clearly feels that I am being some sort of help so that feels good. 

Tonight we are planning on going down to Sami Warung to see the band that Finn was so impressed with last week. The food there isn’t great but that’s not what this is about. It’s about the 3 of us doing mutually agreeable activities together.

I am currently in the middle of my morning walk up and down the Tjampuan Ridge. I’m sitting overlooking the Wos River valley, a vista that is breathtaking in its grandeur and beauty. The underlying sound of the now pregnant river with its flowing waters on the big trip from the mountains to the sea, the whimsical tufts of fragile

Mist and low lying cloud hanging just above the tree tops and the layers of verdant green jungle that drops down the valley to the flowing water. The sounds are a mixture of birds, Balinese bamboo flutes, insects and the deep underlying roar of the river. This is a location that is so mystical and explodes with the power and beauty of unfettered nature, a place that people will travel thousands of kms to be immersed in and it’s only 30 minutes walk from our Villa in Penestanan. How lucky we are.

When I get back Georgie and I plan to set out again to the gym which is about a 1 hour walk in the opposite direction. The plan is to get there as early as possible and be back at the villa at lunchtime in order to spend more of the daytime hours with Finn.

How is our trip to Bali going? To be honest, not as well as I had hoped but on the other hand it’s better than it was in Melbourne. That’s got to be positive.

On the sleep front it looks like the nightly dose of Keaton isn’t doing much for

My deep sleep so I might need to dump that one. My readiness has improved this morning and my HRV is up to a reasonable level this morning. That’s the new area that I need to put some attention on, sleep quality. I’m a bit addicted to listening to podcasts to get to sleep but the problem is that I drop off so quickly that it’s more of a liability having the ear buds in all night listening to subliminal podcasts while I try to get a good nights sleep. Just like me. I’ve always got to be addicted to something!

Saturday February 11, 2023

It’s a wet Saturday afternoon in Ubud. I would have bet $100 that there would be no rain today at 8 a.m this morning. The sky was blue and there was a general hint of lasting dryness. This was not to be, the sky turned grey on the way back to the villa from ParQ around noon.

Georgie and I woke up a bit later this Morning. We didn’t get to bed early as was planned. We did go to Sami Warung and we did see the band again, they were really good, possibly even a bit better than they were last week.

I chatted with the guitar player, Anga is his name I think. He’s been playing since he was 10 years old, now he’s 30 and deserves a lot more recognition than he will probably get. He’s really got some chops and is a great improvisor with bucketloads of feel.

We left for our morning walk to ParQ at around 7.45 a.m. A good time to begin our morning exercise regime. We walked to ParQ through Ubud and up Jalan Suweta, had a coffee when we arrived and hit the gym at around 9 a.m. The workouts are fabulous but they really take the Mickey out of me at the moment. There’s got to be some decent improvement coming out of them. I even knocked back salt and creatine before we left this morning. Once we finished in the gym we made our way to the sauna which wasn’t so hot today. Yesterday it was so hot that your bum got burned when you sat on the benches. Unfortunately there is something wrong with the cold plunge at the moment, it’s a bit too warm although it still cools you down a wee bit after the sauna.

Sunday February 12, 2023

When I woke up this morning I thought it was Tuesday for some reason. As a matter of fact I was convinced. So by that reckoning I now have 2 extra days up my sleeve to enjoy or squander as I so choose.

The trip is quite different than any of our earlier 3 trips last year. The purpose was to help Finn get fit, lose weight, meet people and ultimately get inspire to take his life in a different direction, of his own choosing. Old habits die hard and even though there are quite a few positives happening there are also many things that are staying the same.

We need to put a rocket under the agenda.

I’ll give this until Tuesday to commence. Tuesday we will get Finn to oxygen, signed up for the gym and sauna and get some sort of schedule agreed upon. Optimism is out secret weapon, inspiration is one of our key tools, persistence is a crucial ingredient and love, compassion and tolerance will be needed in bucketloads.

I’ve just once again realized that this trip to Bali isn’t about me, it’s about Finn. That makes it somewhat easier to accept that I’m not feeling the freedom that I normally feel when I’m here, that sense of “go with the wind, wherever it takes you”. In some ways we are shackled by parental obligation but that’s OK because whatever we achieve now will be an investment in our futures.

I woke up just after 6 and now I’m waiting for Georgie. Our plan is to set off and walk to the gym even a bit earlier than yesterday. We might get out of the villa by 7.30 a.m if we play our cards right.

We did get out at 7.35 a.m and we have just returned almost 5 hours later. During our walk this morning we both realized that we were a bit weary so the workout got modified to a gentler version, this worked out just fine and after the walk, workout and sauna/cold plunge we both feel great and are perfectly happy that we persisted and did the daily regimen. We’ve implemented taking a teaspoon of salt 3 times each day which may be helping. Creatine before the workout and whey protein smoothie after the workout. This has got to be doing us some good.

The plan this afternoon is based on a trip to Sayan Point overlooking the Ayung River valley where we will have lunch and hangout for a while. Finn’s just getting ready so hopefully we will leave soon.

Once again it’s appearing that the best place to meet people is in the sauna or cold plunge. Maybe it’s the intimate environment, who knows but for whatever reason this is where we have most of our chats to complete strangers.

Wednesday February 15, 2023

I ironically made a comment on Sunday that I woke up thinking that it was Tuesday and consequently had 2 days in my back pocket, well this didn’t quite pan out because on Sunday night I got a dose of what is commonly called Bali Belly, a parasitic/bacterial dose of cooties that knocked me around like a horrifying dose of covid. I ended up being bed bound for at least 36 hours pretty much without moving apart from my regular trips to the toilet. I’ve pretty much recovered now although my microbiome is still not back to normal. Yesterday proved to be better than I expected. I made it to my HBOT session with Georgie at 10.30 a.m without ant drama and later in the day ate my first food since Sunday night, a simple Rawon soup. Then at around 4 we all went to ParQ so Finn could join the gym which was very fortuitous. I was able to get through a decent workout and then have several sessions in a very hot sauna.

I’m hoping that my somewhat quick recovery is something of a reflection of my overall good health although I’m only guessing and hoping.

In other news, we are stuck in a rain nightmare. I really cannot recall ever being subjected to so much rain, day after day, bucketing down from the heavens not only throughout random parts of the day but generally all night long, tropical rain that sounds like the percussion section in Santana, with the accompaniment of frogs and other tropical creatures and insects. The rain has put a dampener on my early morning walks even though I wrote a glowing post about walking up the Tjampuhan Ridge in a rainstorm about 10 days ago I’ve decided not to flaunt the potential threat of slipping on a moist, slippery surface and busting my body up. I’ll walk later when the rain stops even though I got out of bed at 6 a.m anticipating that it would magically go into sync with me and stop.

So what’s on the cards for today? I’m not certain really. Rosie has invited Georgie to her Woman’s Group which she’s 50/50 on. I’ll give her a nudge, maybe meeting some other women will be a good experience for her although I know her well enough to know that this really isn’t her thing. I might wander into Ubud if she goes to get a haircut and take a look at a clothing shop that I’ve seen while driving through town. Then the main activity will be getting Finn back to the gym for another big workout and to get him hooked up with a month membership for the sauna area at ParQ. His knee and ankle are healing but he’s still not up for long walks. The Balinese healer that he sees every couple of days seems to be working wonders, certainly better than Georgie’s experience back in August when she ended up in the hospital with a huge debt and not much to show for it.

So who knows. Maybe I’ll end up just hanging around the villa for a while and playing my guitar. There’s no real compulsion to “be a tourist” as our Bali trips have really become an extension of our daily life and just being here is a wonderful experience.

A Letter To Finn

Hi Finn

Just in case you feel that I am a bit harsh on you sometimes I’m going to try to explain my somewhat selfish desire for you to get fit, healthy and happy.

As you know, I am far from perfect but at the same time after over 70 years of life I have learned a thing or 2 about how to get through the obstacles and barriers that constantly rear their ugly heads.

I’m the first to admit that there is a certain amount of selfishness in me wanting you to be on top of your life physically, mentally and socially. That is obviously apart from the satisfaction that I would feel if I could see you being truly happy.

My life has been pretty good. There have been times when I have struggled, times when I gave up trying for a while but underlying the whole experience I have always come back to just wanting to make it better, more enjoyable, being able to help people when I can, communicate when I can, set goals and achieve them. You know me well enough, of all people you have seen me at my best and my worst.

Paul was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in 1987. This monitored my life for the next 25 years. To say that it was hard watching Paul go through the shit that he went through is an understatement. Even after he passed away in 2012 the knock on effects even stayed for another 7 years until I got my act together in early 2019.

I’m sorry that you had to put up with this. And I’m sorry about the impact that it had on your life.

There are a lot of experiences that I had with Paul that ripped my heart out, I felt helpless at times, trapped at others and pretty much always horribly lonely because I really didn’t want to share these experiences with anybody else mainly because many were just too hard for anyone else to understand. Paul and I both knew that we were bound together whether we liked it or not. I so wanted him to be well, happy and live a long and rewarding life but due to the illness and whatever other factors that existed this wasn’t to be the case. Don’t get me wrong, he did have fun at times but his health and his addictions as well as his lack of control of his responses towards other people always got the better of him. I’ll talk about this with you one day if you like. I don’t really like dwelling on what happened but I’m willing to if it ever needs to happen to make our relationship more cohesive.

To put it bluntly I spent 25 years in total fear that he was going to die and this had a huge impact on me and modified my actions and the way I lived my life.

I really hope that this doesn’t come across as me asking for sympathy. It’s not meant to. I’m just hoping that it might help you understand me a bit better and why I appear to be a bit pushy at times also why I seem a bit intolerant with you because as a father one of my main goals and desires is to see you live a happy, independent and fulfilling life where you pursue your dreams and hopefully where we can have a lifelong relationship and you can talk to me about anything and most importantly to me where we can be good friends who simply enjoy each others company.

It appears to me that us Collier males have addiction issues and I know from my own experience what it’s like to justify this and let it take over. I’ve been addicted to destroying myself as much as I’ve been addicted to being healthy and happy throughout my life, although I must say that even though it’s harder and takes a heap of self discipline, the healthy and happy option is far more rewarding.

I was pretty lucky to find Mum in 1996. The most amazing thing about our relationship for me is that she loves me, no matter what. Sure we both have to compromise a lot and there are certainly many ways in which we are so very different but I have no doubt that we will live a long, fruitful and happy life together. Creating your body and the life that came with it was a huge part of our relationship.

So back to now.

I have proven to myself that with hard work, greater knowledge and huge self discipline that it is possible to change the trajectory of one’s life. I have handled my battle with negative addictions, cancer and cults, I have lost 30 kgs and I have turned my body from what was pretty much a sack of shit to a healthy, fit and well body for somebody my age. I am happy most of the time and my stress levels are the lowest that I can remember. The methods I adopted worked for me, I’m not saying that they are the only path but whatever I did had a positive effect on my well being including my mental health.

I want so much to be able to help you lose weight, get healthy, set goals and achieve them and to have loads of great relationships that enhance your own life. I really don’t want to control you or hold onto to you.

I love you with the unconditional love that only a parent knows and understands.

I suppose what I am asking is that we can reach some agreement on how I can help. What you are willing to do or even want to do. I can act like a coach to you but need your wholehearted agreement in regards to how hard I can push you or what parameters you are willing to agree on to achieve whatever your own personal goals are.

Can we talk about this? We are both adults now although the father and son thing will obviously always be there.

If you don’t want my help I am willing to accept this. If you do then I am willing to take any shit that comes my way to help you get to where you want to be.

Love Dad (The Boss)

Thursday February 16, 2023

I am 99.9% certain that I had my last alcoholic drink 4 years and 2 days ago on the evening of February 14, 2019. Quite an accomplishment for somebody who was addicted to alcohol like I was. I did it quietly. I did it cold turkey. It had to come to a full stop and this night was the eve of our departure to India where we arrived early in the morning of the 15th. Alcohol has not passed my lips since this day and I fully intend to keep it that way for the rest of my life.

Ironically I never got into alcohol in any real way until 1975 when I gave up smoking marijuana and got involved in Scientology. What the fuck was that about? Here I was embarking upon a new spiritual adventure thinking that the general consensus seemed to point to alcohol being OK. I’m only talking about a couple of times at parties at this stage. It wasn’t until I began my OT levels in 1983 that I began drinking, probably late 1983 if I remember correctly, in anything close to a serious manner. Shit, that was 40 years ago, pretty much the whole of Allissa’s lifetime. The habit and addiction developed slowly and became a constant companion and crutch throughout the coming decades even though I had extended periods of complete sobriety throughout those years. I even lived an amazingly healthy lifestyle for much of the time.

Enough ruminating on the post for now. What I should be celebrating is the fact that I haven’t had a drink in 1463 days and I’m still going strong. Able to sit through parties where everybody is drinking and not even think twice about it. This is probably the way I should have spent my whole life but alas I didn’t. I paid the price when I was diagnosed with cancer in November 2020 and I continue to pay the price with my nerve damaged feet. What I would give to have normal feet that didn’t always feel numb and burn like they have been dipped in hot oil. I can’t feel regret because that’s just a waste of time, what I do need to do is to explore ways of improving this condition or to just live with it as a consequence of my past transgressions toward myself. I beat cancer and overall I am well and healthy. I plan to keep it that way.

Friday February 17, 2023

It doesn’t take much to make me think twice about going for a walk on these rainy February mornings. Also since my unfortunate brush with Bali Belly on Sunday/Monday my energy levels have been somewhat lacking so that little demon who sits on my shoulder telling me not to try too hard has been winning the lottery nearly all of this week. Overall I’m still getting fitter though. Going to the gym, walking, having saunas. Oxygen. I’m still doing heaps more than a man of my age would normally do.

Finn came for his second gym session yesterday and has agreed to embark upon the sauna today. He did his “metrics” weight, BMI etc test yesterday which has thrown light on the exact current situation. We’ve still got 3 and 1/2 weeks to pull off a miracle.

We had dinner with Peter Roussos and his friend Ting last night at Indus, just up the road in Sanginggan. Indus has been renovated since we last went there and looks tremendous but we arrived after the sun had gone down and consequently missed out on the view overlooking the Tjampuhan Ridge.

Peter hasn’t changed in all of the years that I’ve known him since he was a 15 year old Greek boy from Carlton back in 1968.

What a strange trip this one is panning out to be. I’m still enjoying it more than being in Australia but what is becoming pretty obvious is that one can fall into patterns wherever one is. No matter how exotic the locale.

It’s all about appreciation of our ability to create whatever we want, whenever we can. To re-create our lives and to not fall into old patterns.

I’ve been aware pretty much all of my life that I arrived with certain inherent and innate abilities, none of which are all that spectacular but developed enough to get by without having to do too much hard work. At this stage of my life I think I might be kidding myself to really believe that I might dedicate myself to any one discipline. Maybe it’s time to just accept that I have what I have and I should embrace what I do have and can do. There are those who excel and there are those who just get by. I’m happy with the second category.

I ended up dropping into Alchemy this morning at 8 a.m to sip black coffee and write down my morning “conversation with myself”. It’s pretty empty here this morning so all I’m really getting is a place to sit and write and a strong black coffee. 

Allissa has decided not to come. She’s currently doing a week in  Fremantle for her work and will

Spend the weekend with her erstwhile business partner Claire who lives there. I deeply hope that some magic happens and she finds the man of her dreams, has a child and lives happily ever after. I also have to be willing to accept that this may not happen. It may be for the best that Lis doesn’t come to Bali while Finn is going through whatever transition that he’s going through. Their relationship is tenuous at the best of times and it wouldn’t take too much “misunderstanding”’ to fracture the fragile foundation that exists. I pray that one day that they will both embrace each other as family. That is my wish. Jesus, I feel like I’m writing my will ! Seriously though, this is something that I really must do some day soon. Not that I have plans of expiring in the immediate or even distant future. There is obviously something that I cannot confront about this and it’s got to do with ownership. Time to shine a spotlight on that one to work out what the fuck is going on.

I’ve got a few people who I need to follow up in the next few days. Bruce, my new potential

Australian friend, Valery .. the mysterious “magician” from Russia, Gary Edwards who I thought was going to be my close friend for life, Ketut Karta a Balinese artist who I met in 1997 when I attended and videoed his wedding. He is now an important figure in the village of Penestanan Kaja and also Made Suraja, an artist who I met on my last trip to Bali.

Other things I would like to achieve on this trip are ideas on how we can monetise our villa a bit better than we are. Brainstorming ideas of how Georgie and I can come up with some genius ideas on how we are going to support ourselves for the rest of our lives. I’m so lucky to that Georgie is my wife. Sure she has expectations but she also has simple needs. We still get along great pretty much all of the time. In many ways she is my perfect companion. How fortuitous that we met each other back in 1996. But seriously, we do have a pending issue with money that rears it’s ugly head occasionally but not yet enough to cause the schisms that it has the potential to do so if not confronted correctly.

What is it that we need? How much money do we need each week to live a fulfilling and happy life? What about house payments, utilities and ongoing costs? I get my pension and we make a bit of income from Villa Tusk and the occasional art sale. Would finding Balinese artists do any good. Can I create a demand for art pieces that don’t cost too much make us any money? Whatever it is that we do we cannot over capitalise. Do we set up villa Tusk to cater for couples? This might be an option because from my observations most of the people who come to Bali seem to be couples who are looking for couples accomodation, not big sprawling properties like Villa Tusk. Or do we just go hell for leather and put the Villa on as many property sites as we possibly can. It’s silly to think that we can reach the world with only our AirBNB platform.

Whatever we do will a certain amount of brainstorming, a certain amount of what we residually call name, want and get. A certain amount of planning and doing research, being willing to drop things that don’t work and embrace others that do. We can’t put this off any longer. It is now a priority which if we handle it well will result in a brighter future.

It’s a wet Saturday afternoon in Ubud. I would have bet $100 that there would be no rain today at 8 a.m this morning. The sky was blue and there was a general ambience of dryness. This was not to be, the sky turned grey on the way back to the villa from ParQ around noon.

Georgie and I woke up a bit later this Morning. We didn’t get to bed early as was planned. We did go to Sami Warung and we did see the band again, they were really good, possibly even a bit better than they were last week.

PS I had a weird dream about my feet in the early hours of the morning. First time ever. Burning feet, running bare foot across rocks and sludgy water. Jesus, it was painful even in my dream. Need to do something more positive today about this.

Saturday February 18, 2023

Communication is possibly the human species most powerful tool. Its power lies in so many facets of social interaction, relationships, sharing of ideas, even control. It can be used positively as well as negatively. It can be used to convey simple concepts all the way up to to most complex. It encompasses music and art, love and death, survival and giving up. Communication is also integral to emotion. I could sit here and write an encyclopaedia on how communication touches every aspect of the human experience. Yet I won’t. For now I’m happy to explore the simple basics and mechanisms of this profound subject and to wonder why mankind doesn’t spend the trillions of dollars that it spends on war on the simple task of educating us humans on how to improve our communication skills and our understanding of it’s component parts.

Back in the autumn of 1975 I came across a subject called Scientology. I no longer consider myself to be an adherent of Scientology although some of it’s basic tenets form the basis of the way I conduct my day to day life. These days I like to explore life through my own eyes without the constraining “certainty” of other people clouding my willingness to remain open to new ideas, observations and discoveries.

Having said that the basic concepts of communication that I learned about back then have served me well.

I’m going to start with Ron Hubbard’s definition of communication. It sounds a bit cold and scientific but when you break it down into it’s component parts and work out how it all fits together it is really quite profound in it’s simplicity.

Communication is the consideration and action of impelling an impulse or particle from source-point across a distance to receipt-point, with the intention of bringing into being at the receipt-point a duplication and understanding of that which emanated from the source-point.

Duplication is the act of reproducing something exactly. Emanated means “came forth.”

The formula of communication is cause, distance, effect, with intention, attention and duplication with understanding.

I remember the first time that I ever heard avant garde jazz. I was perplexed. It sounded like noise. I hated it. There was certainly a huge amount of “intention” emanating from the musicians but there was no way in hell that I was going to “duplicate” what was being communicated musically. I turned my back on this form of music for a long time but I now have the ability to be a “receipt point”  and “duplicate” what is being communicated. Like anything new that you experience there has to be some understanding of the words, the symbols, the sounds, the basic concepts being communicated.

But for now I want to explore the subject of communication on a more day to day level between 2 or more people.

This is my understanding and does not reflect anything apart from my own observation and experience.

Firstly you need at least couple of people. One of them has to adopt the role of “Cause Point”, a bit like a tennis player who is willing and able to hit the ball to another player who could be called “Receipt Point”. Some sort of distance must exist between our protagonists for the ball to travel from one to the other. If you adopt this same principle to a simple conversation then it’s easy to see that these roles change as the words and concepts make their way back and forth across whatever distance exists. Anyone who has watched an exciting tennis match can see that if the rules in the above definition are followed then the chances of a very rewarding game of tennis are enhanced considerably.

What I learned back in 1975 was that the first important point in any communication was that I had to be “there”, comfortable, consciously available and ready to give and receive communications and that I also needed to be willing to receive any sort of communication without getting all emotional, disagreeable and convoluted. I admire two people who can debate two completely different viewpoints while respecting each others beliefs even if they don’t believe a word of what is being said.

In order to communicate well you’ve got to be in the present, aware of what is going on around you and not wafting off with the pixies or thinking about some completely different thing or even worse, attempting to be interesting to somebody else as opposed to being interested.

As the “cause point” the next thing that you need to put your “attention” on is your “intention” to propel your words, concepts and ideas across the distance to the person who you intend to receive them. We’ve all probably experienced the frustration of receiving a communication that lacked this intention, it is generally sloppy and so bloody uninteresting that you don’t really want to partake in any further conversation.

In order to achieve this, my viewpoint is that we are responsible to put our attention on the other person and to perceive whether they have a) received your communication and b) duplicated or understood it. This is a simple sign of respect for the guy you are sharing your viewpoints with. If you perceive that what you have said sounds like gibberish to them then it’s your responsibility to work out a way to say it so it makes sense. Otherwise you may as well be looking in a mirror and talking to yourself. At least you won’t bore the shit out of somebody else.

Then once you feel satisfied that your viewpoint, idea or words have been duplicated and understood it’s time to shut up and relinquish the role of “Cause Point” to become a willing and interested “Receipt Point”.

This is all very simplistic but if you really think about it herein lies the basic fundamentals of having a decent and rewarding communication with another living human being.

Another point that I believe to be pretty important to keep things on track is that if you ask a question then it’s also your responsibility to do whatever you can, within the bounds of civility, to get an answer that is relevant to the question.

During all of this backwards and forwards stuff my belief is that you have to stay in control of your emotions. I don’t mean that you can’t be passionate, loud, emotive. What I think is that you can’t afford to get apathetic and give up or irrational and launch into recriminations or become overly argumentative or to start throwing accusations and evaluations at your protagonist. All this will do is to shut down the communication.

To have a fulfilling communication you also have to be very aware of the difference between when the person makes a comment at you or about you like “you are just a right wing fascist” or “ you are an egotistical bastard” or some such thing and when the person is expressing some point about their own feelings, reactions or viewpoints like “when you talk to me like that I feel inferior” or “I’m feeling sad that you don’t understand my viewpoints”. We all have a tendency to start talking about ourselves in these situations but if you look at your own experiences the last thing they want to hear about at this point is you and your reactions and experiences. Just listen, duplicate, understand and acknowledge.

In this case you ultimately have a profound responsibility to understand what they are saying and to let them know that you have listened and have taken what they say on board. In other words you need to acknowledge them. To make certain that they feel you have understood what they have told you.

But unfortunately or fortunately, like any simple but powerful concept there are many nuances. This is a good thing though because it’s what will make for an interesting discussion.

There are so many things that can go right with communication and so many things that can go wrong. The formula that I learned all those years ago when I got involved in Scientology is simply a set of rules, a recipe . Your own intelligence, passion, charisma, warmth, ability to have compassion and tolerance will play a huge role in the overall quality of your communication skills. Your overall knowledge will also play a huge role because if you start talking shit that means nothing or is unfounded you’ll lose the interest of the person you are talking to.

You can give some musical notes and rules to 100 different people and they will all create a unique piece of music. Some more interesting and passionate than others. Some that can bring people to tears of joy and others reads of anquish. 

Sunday February 19, 2023

I have just returned from a walk to Pengosaken and back to say goodbye to Peter Roussos and his friend Ting. Pengosaken is down the Mas road beyond Monkey Forest on the way to the villa that started off this whole Bali villa experience back in 2018 ( I think).

My feet are burning and sore and my back is dripping with sweat but it feels good to be back on track with my morning walks.

Today we are heading to Sanur for a Sunday Brunch at Byrd’s Beach House. We have been there a few times after our HBOT sessions, Georgie probably enjoys Sanur more than I do but overall I know it’s going to be fun and we will enjoy the food.

I did my InBody metrics yesterday at the ParQ Gym. My weight is pretty stable at 78.8 kgs. I need to lose 3.4 kgs of fat around my midriff/waist to get to my ideal weight of a bit above 75kgs. This shouldn’t be too hard.

Last night we ventured out to La Luz, a new Mexican style restaurant in the main secondary Penestanan Klod area. It’s owned by a Pakastani guy named Amed, an Australian named Andrew and a balinese named Ketut. The food isn’t great but it’s different and attracts a yet to be determined demographic that is not quite vegan. My new acquaintance Bruce was playing there last night, also ran into Valery again.

I’m delighted with my relationship with Finn and how it’s developing. We really needed this time together and it’s working a treat.

After a hard day of cursing our faces I am now totally stuffed full of food, especially carbs and sugar. We’ve just arrived home from Byrds Beach House Sunday Buffet. 4 hours of eating alien food, delicious but deadly. I’m not certain whether the effects are from eating far too much, gluten or just too much sugar! I’ve got to go back to my disciplined ways. The days of wine and roses are over for me as I just cannot tolerate food for pleasure anymore, even though I can easily psych myself into thinking that I can. The brunch today was better value than my birthday lunch at W 2 Sundays ago plus it was fabulous having easy banter with Finn and Georgie over a long drawn out meal.

I’m now sitting in Alchemy drinking a simple black coffee while I wait for Wayan to give me a thorough foot massage for my aching feet. They are becoming a challenge but todays burning is to be expected after 20,000 steps.

I had a good chat to Allissa this morning while we sat in Vespa having the morning coffee. She was still in W.A but was returning to Melbourne later in the day. She’s probably back home now. Her friend Onseep’s father has cancer and she has asked me for references that might help him. I’ve pulled back on wondering about all of the conspiracies in regard to why so many people are sick with so many ailments after the abusive years of covid and government control.

Monday February 20, 2023

I’m back on track. I’ve walked for the past 2 mornings and now I’m back on the Tjampuan Ridge Walk, sitting at Kastara about to enjoy my Morning Bali coffee. I’m pretty confident that I might also get over the onslaught of food that passed my lips yesterday.

After a 60 Minute foot massage with Wayan last night I have decided to somehow fit one in every day for the next 3 weeks, I’m thinking that if I can fit at least 20 in before we return to Melbourne that it just might have a positive effect on my neuropathy. My feet felt 5;magnificent after the massage last night. We went out for dinner with Finn after the massage at Warung Mendez. I ate 3 small chicken curry puffs and even that was too Much after the copious amounts of food that we devoured at lunch.

I attempted to fiddle with my guitar last night as well as moving a few small steps forward with my understanding of the recording and digital software that I have. Frustration! It’s a mixture of my ability or should I say, lack of. It’s my inadequate tone, it’s a myriad of things but if I don’t move forward whatever it is that’s going on will result in a huge brick wall that thwarts any forward progress. It is what it is. Whichever way Iook at it I have committed myself to play with Bruce sometime this week.

Tomorrow is the middle of our trip, the tipping point so to say. The point where the time to leaves gets closer but having said that there is still a long time left before we leave to return to Melbourne and then the countdown begins for our European trip in May. 

This year is pretty well mapped out but there are still gaps where we can fit other random things in. 

The house next to Kaye sold for 5.1 million on the weekend. Holy shit. Georgie and I are but paupers in a very affluent country (Australia). It’s almost not sustainable to even consider trying to live a palatial life in Melbourne like we can in Bali. I’m still no closer toward working out how to to turn on the magic money fountain. Thank god for my pension. Thank god for the support of Kaye.  Thank god that Georgie has some sort of security for the future. It’s a matter of us being frugal but not so much so that life becomes a drag. It’s about strategy, doing exciting activities that don’t cost an arm and a leg although Georgie does like  a bit of the the high life.

Enough of this for now. It’s time get back on the track and to return to the villa to go on another walk with Georgie.

5 P.M

We did do that, I mean the walk together. We walked down to Penestanan Kaja and had a coffee, on the way back we bumped into Ketut Karta, an artist we met way back in 1997, then I had an amazing 60 minute foot massage from Wayan at 10 a.m. I’m feeling quite optimistic that if I can squeeze one of these in every day for the next 3 weeks that there may be a marked improvement with my peripheral neuropathy. Fingers crossed!

After the massage I went back and made scrambled eggs for Finn and hung out at the villa until we were all ready to leave for our workout and sauna at ParQ.

I got a decent workout in for about 60 minutes and then hit the sauna which turned out to be quite a social occasion today. We met Ely, a young Russian who was intriguing. He’s lived in Beijing, speaks Mandarin and pretty good English, he has also lived at a Shaolin monastery in China, he plays bass guitar and sings and he’s worked as an airline steward amongst other things. Before Bali he had been living in Mexico. His life sounded like the screenplay for a movie. “ How old is your father?” His answer was “ I don’t know, he must have won the lottery and then he disappeared.”

We also met a couple of tattooed boys from Cairns who have just arrived in Bali but only for 7 days. Lovely guys. Finn finally got a taste of what it’s like to meet people in the sauna. I’m pretty certain that he’s having a great time, if not great then pretty damn good.

I’m hanging around Sari Laba trying to get an end of day massage.

Another positive about today is that we got our internet extenders that I bought over from Melbourne set up in the villa today. Bedroom 2 and 3 should now be covered pretty well.

It has been an almost perfect day. I finished it off with a gorgeous massage with Wayan who very kindly stayed back for an extra 30 minutes to facilitate me. Toward the end I had a bright idea to ask Finn and Georgie if they would like to have a drink together at the magical Hotel Tjampuan, where my Bali lover affair began 40 years ago. They both jumped at it and we dodged the intermittent showers and made out way down the steep road to Tjampuan from Penestanan. What a perfect way to end out day albeit a bit expensive. I only had a soda water but Finn and Georgie indulged themselves as they do. Hotel Tjampuan is one of those timeless places that is not only beautiful but also invokes a wonderful sense of calmness, a really amazing place to be. We met a guy from Uzbekistan and had a great chat to him, it’s so easy to connect with people in Bali or maybe it’s also got something to do with out willingness to communicate and be interested in people. On the way back to Villa Tusk we all ate an ice cream in an cone, that was a bit much but fuck it, I’ve been more good than bad with what’s going in my mouth and the counteracting it with the exercise that I’m doing to counter any excess food I am devouring.

It’s now 9 o’clock and I’m ready for bed. A picture book day.

Tuesday February 21, 2023

Today is the 6 th anniversary of me falling down the stairs in the middle of the night and nearly killing myself. Self inflicted pain and injury. Thank the lord that my body can and did repair itself .

I’m in a lot better shape now than I was then.

Enough for now about those dark days before I saw the light.

Georgie and I have just arrived back from Kasih Ibu Hospital in Saba after our weekly HBOT session. Finn didn’t make it again, maybe next week. 

I slept through my wake up time this morning and went into another sleep cycle so I ended up waking up at 8 am when the sun had risen high in the morning sky and the hot rays were pounding down on Ubud. We went for a short walk to Cafe Vespa in Penestanan Kaja where we drank Bali Kopi and tinkled with our phones. I got up, paid and left my teeth retainers and sunglasses on the damn table and needed to be rescued by Purnami who recovered them for me.

Finn is in the throes of having a massage with Wayan and soon it will be my turn to have yet another painful but effective foot massage. My feet are already singing with joy after the first 2 sessions and I’m feeling very optimistic that by mid March my peripheral neuropathy will take on a new guise.

After my massage I plan on going to ParQ for a workout and sauna and then to Warung Kayana for a dinner of Babi pork ribs, yum and murah.

Maybe I won’t try to walk today but maybe I will, we’ll see how things pan out as the day goes by.

To keep things short and sweet …. I went to ParQ, did a quick workout, had2 saunas and 2 cold plunges, rode on the back of a scooter to Kedewatan in the dark, this is a 9 km trip. I’m becoming an old sod at riding on the back of scooters. We ate pork ribs at Warung Kayana, literally gutsed our faces and now it’s time for bed.

Wednesday February 22, 2023

We are well and truly into out Bali trip. Can I sustain the same intensity of relationship with Finn when we get back home? I don’t really know, to a large degree it will be up to Finn and his habits as much as it will be up to me. None of us are going to slow down time so no matter which way it goes there will have to be a whole lot of create going forward.

I always knew that this trip was going to be uniquely different from our earlier stays at the Villa. That has made it easier to accept some of the waiting time.

I can’t talk. The days go by so fast and I’m lucky to fit in what I do get done without too many grand projects. In some ways, at my age, being fit and healthy is possibly the underlying foundation for everything else that sits on top of “owning a functioning vehicle.”

It’s like being on a road trip, The first and foremost criteria is having a car that goes and takes you wherever your heart desires.

I’ve got that and for that I should be well and truly grateful.

It’s 10.45 am now. Georgie and I have returned from a big walk around Ubud. Down to Tjampuan, across the bridge up to the market in Jalan Raya Ubud then down Gang Gautama to Jalan Hanoman, a Bali coffee at Cafe and continue walking to Pengosakin and down the road to Nukuning, across the Bridge where 3 Brothers used to be and then back through small gangs and down dirt tracks to Katiklangtang where we had another coffee, then up to the Penestanan Banjar and picked up some food at Ibu Nyoman before ordering some coconut milk and returning home to the Villa. We were gone for at least 2 hours, maybe even a bit more.

Now it’s waiting time. Waiting for Finn to eat breakfast, have a bath and to get ready.

I’ve tried something a bit different this morning and purchased a litre of coconut milk from the Juice Bar near Eka’s shop. It is a heap more creamy and palatable than what I have been getting from Purnami. I’m going to have to talk to her about how we make ours.

As soon as Finn is ready we will head off to ParQ for a big workout and sauna session.

Now it’s 6.30 pm. After a full day of exercise I can honestly say that I am spent. We arrived back in Penestanan at around 4 pm, Georgie and Finn devoured some food at Tygr, drank wine and beer and we chatted, laughed and took some photos. When we got back I was so tired that I lay down on the bed and went to sleep for a least an hour, possibly longer. I ate Babi Kecap and lawar for my dinner, food that I had picked up from Ibu Nyoman earlier in the morning. I suppose you would call it an intense day of exercise. Finn did really well in the gym and in the sauna. When I woke from My slumber they were missing. I have a feeling that they trekked to Bintang for Finn’s nightly supplies. I arrived at Eka’s for my foot massage but Wayan is not back yet so I’m writing and eating lemon coconut tart at Alchemy.

Thursday February 23, 2023

My thoughts are in a tumultuous whirlwind this morning. Critical, convoluted, vindictive… yet there is no reason for being in this state. I think it may have been triggered by Georgie’s drinking last night. Unbeknownst to her she becomes a Jekyl and Hyde type character who can bite your head off with sharp words and accusations. I hate it. Always have and always will. Thank god Finn is a half decent drunk. What I really want is a teetotalling family. Non drinkers, one and all.

Another reason for my mixmaster mind might be that I am letting a few things slide like our visa extensions, a couple of incomplete communication cycles, things not going as fast and furious with Finn as I thought that they might and additional improvements to the villa. The bottom line is that I need to stop getting immersed in these strange negative feelings and considerations and return to the wondrous and grateful state that I am in most of the time.

So here’s my list for today.

  • Do Visa extensions
  • Get in touch with Gary and Bruce
  • Make a list of cycles that need doing at the villa
  • Answer Helen re Vegan Restaurants
  • Go to Gingersnap
  • Make an appointment with Wayan (Balian)
  • Talk to Georgie about alcohol and Finn
  • Contact Joe about Barcelona accomodation

OK, that’s plenty for one day!

I just spotted that I always seem to get in a fizz when I put things off. 

I just watched a Balinese man sweeping the deck.

I immediately went into a fantasy about getting up in the early morning at home and sweeping our driveway. This thought evolved into a realisation that it’s OK to do simple activities at a slow and easy pace. I spent decades believing that I had to always be busy, moving fast and furiously at all times. The reality is that it didn’t make any difference really. I just increased my stress and cortisol. The world was cm never a better place because I was frantic. A clean deck is quite an achievement as is a clean kitchen floor. These are the little things that do and don’t matter at the same time. Whichever way one looks at it, the holiday will always come to an end. It’s the amount of enjoyment and pleasantness that one can extract from the passing days that make a big difference.

The day goes on. It’s 2.30 pm, Finn and I have just returned from Chika’s Javanese Warung, just up the road from and diagonally opposite Bintang. I bought him some rice steamed in a banana leaf the other day with spicy chicken and he asked for more today. It’s a hangout for young Indonesians. Lunch costs $2.00 Australian. We waited for ages because it was busy for the lunch time and when it was finally ready there was a misunderstanding. First they prepared it ti eat in and secondly they prepared 2 serves so I swallowed my principles and at my share. On the way back we came up the Penestanan Stairs, Finn did OK. Wayan will arrive soon to do his massage. I had my feet done at 11 am this morning. They are still burning and sore but overall I have no doubt that the daily 60 minutes of reflexology is doing some sort of good.

Friday February 24, 2023

I’ve got to walk on eggshells this morning. That’s the theme for today. Walking on eggshells.

I’m not going to get into the reason for this right now because I’m waiting for Georgie to get out of bed and put on her clothes and come for a walk.

Apart from that today needs a bit of planning in regard to the villa. Finn has agreed to get up relatively early and come to the gym.

Yesterday was interesting and also a lesson in family dynamics. Finn and I possibly spent more time together yesterday than we have in one day for years. It looks like his foot, ankle and knee has repaired itself after 3 weeks so we’ll be able to go on walks. Maybe even a trip to Uluwatu could be on the cards.

Finn and I went to the sauna after his massage yesterday. We snuck away while Georgie was having hers and met up at Kebun in Jalan Hanoman for dinner. We ended up walking back from the restaurant and grabbed gelato on the way home just up behind the palace.

Georgie is almost ready to go for a walk.

10.15 a.m

We are back. We walked up the Tjampuan Ridge and back and stopped for a coffee at Kastara. Finn is in the bath and just chilling out for now. The next step is to ascertain whether we go to the gym now or later. I’m making myself a bulletproof coffee.

Things are back on track with Georgie and I, she had a chance to share her feelings while we drank our coffee at Kastara this morning. That’s important. We always seem to pull out of our nosedives just before the plane crashes.

Saturday February 25, 2023

The beauty of waking up at Villa Tusk in Penestanan/Ubud, Bali is the random choices that you can make. For example, this morning I woke at 5 a.m and could have easily bounded out of bed and roared up the Tjampuan Ridge. Instead I pondered on how I felt, the circumstances and decided to return to the gentle slumber that I had just awoken from. This in itself seems insignificant and meaningless but today I helped me realise that I have choices. I ended up grabbing my computer and wandering around the corner to Alchemy, a choice that I don’t normally make but one which seemed quite appealing this morning albeit at 7.30 a.m. I decided to have a rest day and utilise my time in a different manner than I normally do. Who knows what I will end up doing later, maybe I will go to the gym, maybe I’ll just write all day or whatever. The point is that I have choices here. 

I would be happy to live out my life under these circumstances. Some might say it would be a waste but I know that there is no truth in that. I am lucky enough to be in a position where I can survive in a simple sort of way without too much effort. The main thing is to stay healthy and fit so I can enjoy whatever comes my way in a vehicle that works relatively well and continues to do so for several decades.

My body is aching this morning and a bit weary from the harder than normal workout that I subjected it to yesterday. It’s time for rest and recovery.

I am feeling relatively content with the way things have panned out over the past 3 weeks. I’m loving my improved and enhanced relationship with Finn. It’s not what I had anticipated although I suspect that he is making decisions that I am not even aware of. I also have a deep seated belief that he has decided too make his life better, to be more in control of his destiny and the condition that he is in. In other words I’m thinking that maybe he has risen up the awareness levels to one of “hope” which in itself is a magical springboard to countless possibilities. If this is the case then this little experiment has served it’s purpose. Now it’s time to tend the small fire that has started to burn and to keep the fuel ready to place on it until it is ready to turn into a roaring blaze.

As far as the direction of Georgie and my future is concerned I am at a crossroads. Sitting in the middle of 4 alternative routes that go in completely different directions, sitting pondering what might lie on the different roads that are available for us to travel. I have a feeling that I might be sitting still in this position for a while, scratching my head, looking at the resources and modes of transport all while pondering what might lie down each of these roads.

I’m happy that I didn’t bound out of bed this morning and go off on a sweaty walk, I’m grateful that I have choices and I’m able to weigh up the options.

Sunday February 26, 2023

Can reflexology have an adverse effect on emotions, can unleashing whatever is blocked cause a temporary negativity. Anything is possible and for the past couple of days I have been feeling more negative, shitty and generally not as happy as I have been over the past few weeks.

On the other hand I have been eating more carbs than I have in years, seed oil and even a couple of ice creams. So that’s another candidate for these strange feelings of discontent. How is it manifesting? First and foremost I haven’t seemed to sleep so well. When I wake up in the morning I don’t feel an urge to bound out of bed and head off on a walk, yesterday I felt quite weary. I didn’t go to the gym and I only walked 10,000 steps.

What do I do?

I’m not going to cut back on the reflexology as I firmly believe that the end result will be beneficial and will ultimately improve the nerves in my feet.

I will cut back on carbs, seed oil and sugar. For the past 4 years I’ve stayed away from grains, starchy vegetable, processed food and even fruit. I’ve probably eaten more of this stuff over the past 4 weeks than I have in the past 4 years. Even though I have to admit that it has been quite pleasurable as far as the self gratification and the taste sensation goes I know that it’s not doing me any good. I’ve got to stop kidding myself, take a deep breath and return to the straight and narrow that works so well for me.

We went for our walk a bit later today, it wasn’t a huge walk, around 9,000 steps and we had 2 coffee stops along the way. It rained all night and was incredibly windy too boot. Bang, smash, boom. It’s still windy today at 11.30 a.m, very windy. This adds to the overall interest as I’ve never been in Bali when the wind prevails.

I’m now waiting for Finn and Georgie to get themselves ready to head to the gym.

The other thing is that we’ve decided to head down to Uluwatu on Wednesday morning and I’ve booked Sriyana for the night. This will give us time to do a couple of sessions at the Istana and also to visit Kevin at The Conrad Hotel in Nusa Dua on the way back to Penestanan on Thursday night. We’ll be on the home stretch by then. As of today we have 16 days remaining in Bali.We’ve been here for 25 days so we are now on the dreaded home stretch.

Monday February 27, 2023

I did a big workout at the gym yesterday, maybe the most intense one I’ve ever done so when I woke up this morning my muscles had a pleasant ache and weariness. I also slept in again. My sleep quality isn’t anywhere near as good at the moment. Possibly because I’m still eating carbs, eating too late in the day and I also had some kratom.

The workouts are becoming more controlled, maybe not the best available but I feel like I might be building up muscle which was one of my goals. I’m still walking but not enough. Yesterday I only got in 8,500 steps. I have to be honest with myself though because it would be so easy to become completely obsessive and try to walk, workout, sauna … you know, the whole kit and kaboodle. This might ultimately backfire and leave me spent and exhausted.

For now I’ve got to work on my sleep quality, my diet and my overall mental stability without feeling that I’ve let myself down. It’s not like I’m doing nothing. For my age demographic I’m doing great.

Over the past couple of days I’ve been delving into my cancer journal from 2020, 2021. I got 400 pages of raw notes printed out and the first step in the process is to read what I wrote back then to get an overall feel for whether it would be of interest and also informative to somebody who has just been diagnosed with cancer. I have a great desire to share my story, to let others know what I did to fight my battle with cancer. It is really eye opening to re-visit something as intense as being told that you have cancer and the consequent reaction, challenges and changes that resulted. Looking back I can see that the challenge was far greater than I have actually remembered. It’s not really been all that easy to re-visit the emotions, the obstacles, the uncertainty, the ups and downs, the fear. In many ways this makes it an even bigger priority to pull this project together. It’s a bit like opening a door to a dangerous place every time I start reading the journal entries. Shoving my nose right into the fire so to say. In some ways it is cathartic to confront the raw memories and uncertainty and in others it seems like a heavy shroud is being pulled over my head and immersing me in murky waters.

My solution is to surge forward. If I can help one person have an easier time on their cancer journey then it will be worthwhile. If I can inspire more than one person then it will become a huge win. If I can make some money out of it then it will become worthwhile on a more base, pragmatic level.

Back to our day to day Bali adventures. So far the trip with Georgie and Finn has been a huge success. Not necessarily how I had imagined that it would pan out but nonetheless the results have been incredibly rewarding. Finn surprised the hell out of me yesterday when he announced that he would like to stay until after Nyepi. I almost fell off my perch. It’s possible that we could do this even though Georgie doesn’t want to. I’ll delve into the possibilities today. Finn is genuinely enjoying Bali and appears to be trusting me more each day. Our relationship has improved 10 fold. I’m not kidding. Some huge ridges have lifted and I’m feeling so close to him and it appears that he is reciprocating.

It just goes to show that life is like a relatively unplanned road trip. You never know where you are going to end up. The trick is to find the hidden treasure, adventure and benefits of wherever it is that you find yourself without the regret of not ending up where you thought that you would. I have to admit that I love a bit of chaos, change and uncertainty.

Tuesday February 28, 2023

Bali is wet, waterlogged, drenched. The subak runs like mighty miniature rivers that small midget people could go white water rafting on or even hop on a tiny surfboard and ride the torrent. The dark grey rain clouds look angry before they dump their heavy load of water that had only recently evaporated from the mountains, valleys and rice paddies floating around the island like a marauding water god.

It has rained twice today. Torrential, fierce and short. But therein retreats, the sun comes out and all is well for several hours and life returns to normal.

We walked this morning at 7 a.m with dark grey ominous clouds as far as the eye could see. They finally let loose and dumped their load after 45 minutes or so but by then we were drinking coffee in Kedewatan, a few kilometres from the villa. The morning rain was intense but short lived. After it stopped we walked home and got ready for our trip to Saba for our weekly HBOT session which began at 11 a.m. By 2 we had finished and ate a somewhat horrible lunch across the road. Hunger would have been a far safer and wiser alternative. Georgie and I got dropped off at ParQ, Finn got out in Ubud and walked home. We did a 60 minute workout in the ultra slick gym and then got into the very, very hot sauna, alternating with the cold plunge. By the time we got back home the time had flown and it was 5.30 p.m. I went around to see Wayan, my massuiese around 6 for another session of reflexology. I mentioned in an earlier post that I’m going to try to do an hour session each day which will end up being about 20 hours. I started studying about reflexology a few nights ago. The benefits of a good reflexology practitioner can be hugely beneficial. After just scratching the surface and learning a few basic points it makes perfect sense why it can help. My main purpose is to try to improve my peripheral neuropathy and nerve damage but it’s looking like there is something happening in my brain as well based on the pain I am experiencing. Yes, it is painful, breathtakingly so, my feet go into spasms of pain but I try hard to go with the flow and not resist. There is a lot of anticipation involved because after having had over 10 sessions I know what to expect and also know when it will happen. But like any intense pain the best part is knowing that it will end and all will be well and peaceful once more.

Wednesday March 1, 2023

My month is over and March is here. We are heading to Uluwatu today although our departure time is up in the air due to a late night, loud rain, alcohol and croaking frogs.

I ate far too late last night and once again I ate the wrong things. I didn’t get enough sleep but interestingly enough I still feel OK apart from what could be the beginning of a heat rash which I’m not planning on letting go any further.

We’ve become a bit insular while at the same time mingling with myriads of more people than we do in Australia. It’s all about comparisons as opposed to ideals.

Our sojourn to Uluwatu will only be around 35 hours but it will afford us a change of scenery and a different sort of vibe. It’s certain to be hotter down south on the Bukit Peninsular and the cost of living might be a wee bit higher but I’m hoping to get out of it for a few hundred dollars.

Money continues to be a problem but not one that is slapping us in the face just yet. I’m pretty certain that I will get my pension money in the next couple of days which will take the pressure off. Unfortunately for us the Aussie dollar is going down in value. I hung onto my cash when I arrived in the hope that what I did have would become more valuable but now it’s on a slide. Oh well. I’ll take $300 with us and cash it somewhere on the way.

The next challenge is to determine whether I will go to all the effort to extend our stay to be here for Nyepi. Finn has expressed interest in doing this and I have to admit that I’d do it at the drop of a hat if it doesn’t prove to be too expensive or time consuming.

The next step this morning is to pack our bags and get out the front door of the villa.

Note to Trinidad

Hi Trinidad Good to hear from you. I’m doing a blow by blow daily journal on Bali but that’s probably too verbose. So here’s the short version. I don’t want to come home. It’s wet, wet and wetter but even that has it’s redeeming features. Finn is doing well. The Russian girls are far too beautiful and the Balinese people as as they always are …. sublime. Nyepi happens in a couple of weeks but if we can’t extend then we’ll miss it. I’m going to give it my best shot to stay. The Ogeh, Ogeh are being created in every village, some are masterpieces. I’ll send pictures. We are going to Ulawatu for a couple of days as of tomorrow. Overall I’m fit, healthy, happy and immersed in Bali. Gary P.S Thanks for keeping an eye (and ear) on Kaye. How is Mel doing? I’ve been in comm as much as I can without being a pain.

You would love it here Trinidad. Not as a tourist but someone who settles in and becomes part of the landscape. The days flow like well formed waves …. pelan, pelan but never ending. In some ways the crescendo of the rain battering down breaks thinks up so some sort of time seems to exist. Bali is different than it was from when your memories reside but the same spirit exists, the people are much the same, they are still anchored by their belief in their religion and the multitudinous gratitude that they offer to the gods. If I was a Bali god I’d be really pissed off actually because you’d never really get any days off, always some sort of offering being made to you whether you want it or not. I’m experimenting with foot reflexology for my peripheral neuropathy. I get an hour session with my masseuse, Wayan almost every day. It hurts as bad as being tortured by a Spanish priest who enjoys being an inquisitor but afterwards my whole body goes through a transformation that is hard to explain in words. The most painful part for me is the tips of my toes which correlate with my brain which becomes mush towards the end of the hour of suffering. Anyway, life is simpler here. Not necessarily less of a challenge but stuff takes on a new perspective which makes for a simpler outlook with less stress and more pleasure.

We arrived in Uluwatu at around midday and after a bit of to and throwing between the staff at Sriyana and us we arrived on their doorstep only to discover that I hadn’t been talking to Eva after all. Interestingly enough, this really pissed me off, I felt lied to and cheated because she would have remembered us. I don’t even think that she worked there anymore. We got shunted down the road about 500 metres to “the joglos” which had looked vaguely OK on the internet pics but in actual fact were hovels which we simply could not stay in. The general consensus was to opt for a refund and get the hell out of there which we did. If we had stayed it would have been a complete disaster which would have totally fucked our trip. There is a lesson to be learned in this experience. I’m pretty good at finding decent accomodation, the first place I found on AirBnB looked pretty damn good although it was $175 US, about $260 Aust. After our shitty experience and the disappointment I decided to caste fate too the wind and opt for this place so we didn’t end up spending the whole day looking for decent accomodation. When we arrived at Villa Cactus after our lunch we weren’t disappointed. We were greeted by Gino who hales from West Timor. He was charming, helpful, charismatic, intelligent and the perfect host. Success!!

We left just in time to arrive at The Istana for our 3 p.m session which went through until 5.30 p.m. This was fabulous. Finn loved it and didn’t stop chattering the whole time that we were there. He has surprised me with his social skills and his willingness to communicate to anyone, no holds barred. Astounding really but even more uncanny because I didn’t even know that he was capable of such social maturity. Our 150 minutes went quickly, we chatted to countless people, sweated, shivered, cooked, sweated some more, got cooked in the hot plunge and tingles in the cold. I met a girl named Jaz who is a ceramicist from Sydney who is running a course at Gaia over the coming 2 weeks. Her mum has cancer but is going the mainstream route which is very distressing for Jaz. We bonded over this and I really hope that I can help. If all goes as planned she and her fiancé will visit us at Villa Tusk next week. I’m looking forward to this. 

We ate dinner halfway between Blue Point and Padang Padang, a pleasant meal that cost too much and now we are back at the villa. Clean, modern, white, new and just what we needed for tonights visit to Uluwatu. Far, far superior to the hovel that we might have stayed in if we hadn’t chosen to bail.

’Twas a good day.

Thursday March 2, 2023

I met a girl at The Istana Spa yesterday who asked me a question while she sat next to me in the cold plunge. It wasn’t the sort of question that begins a conversation between 2 people who have just met for the first time but was more like one an old friend would ask. I can’t even remember what she asked me, what is indelible is the familiarity of our meeting, it was as if it was pre-destined. 

Normally when you meet somebody it’s sort of like unwrapping a gift that is wrapped in gift paper and ribbons, sometimes the gift is wrapped more professionally while often the wrapping is a bit rough around the edges. Whichever way you look at it the paper and the ribbons have to eventually come off to reveal what is inside. Sometimes the contents are awe inspiring and other times the wrapping is far superior to what is revealed.

It turned out that for both Georgie and I the gift that was revealed yesterday was one of potential friendship and some sort of instant kinship that may be rewarding for all of us.

We will meet again before too long because Georgie has organised for her and her fiancé to visit us at Villa Tusk in the next 2 weeks.

What is important for me about meeting this person is the realisation of what cancer can do to a family and the individuals who create one. The sheer hopelessness of watching a person you love succumb to an enemy that is both insidious and not at all understood. An enemy that is not discussed or strategised against in the way that you would mount an attack and defence against some sort of more tangible and understandable protagonist.

The small tear that ran down her cheek when she spoke about her mother and the disease that was taking over her life was so powerful and poignant that it will stay with me as an inspiration to share my own experiences of and with cancer with anyone who will listen. It helped me understand the burden of responsibility that I have, not so much just toward the person who has the disease but also for the loved ones who probably feel that their efforts to help fall on deaf ears and become meaningless because hardly anyone who has cancer really understands their enemy. They generally put their trust and fate in the hands of the experts.

Life being akin to a magical carpet ride is my firm belief. Magic is all around us, it manifests in every breath we take but a lot of the time we are not looking for it so we miss the subtleties and nuances. After meeting the girl whose mother has cancer yesterday and being re-inspired to somehow inspire just a small percentage of cancer sufferers to take control I needed to run into somebody who could help me edit and put the words from my journal into some sort of interesting sequence. Well I met that person this morning on another trip to The Istana, an American writer who helped me understand that storytelling is an integral part of making the dry facts and protocols interesting enough to read about, a bit like dressing up a boring person in flashy clothing. It’s my little idiosyncrasies that make me interesting to others, traits that I take for granted because I am always so immersed in being me. Whether I meet her again or even get to talk about writing with her is now a matter of fate but what she gave me today was a crossroads moment, a new potential path to travel in my endeavour to write a book that will help to inspire some people to take the bull by the horns. For that I am grateful.

It’s dark now and we are home at Villa Tusk. The skies opened up after we left Nusa Dua and by the time we drove past Pepitos, a fancy supermarket about 5 kms from home it was bucketing down so heavily that we had to drive through a deluge that had transformed the road into a river with cars stuck in ditches and almost floating away in the torrent. Our driver stopped at the door of Pepitos so I could make a frantic dash into the front doors in search of umbrellas or at least some raincoats to partially protect us after we had got out of the car and made our way down out gang to the front gate of Villa Tusk. I had to do with three $6 plastic raincoats that only covered a bit below my waist but totally covered the upper part of my body including my head. When the car pulled up in the main street Gusdi was undercover across the road performing his lonely and vigilant karaoke, this contributed to the madness mainly because he wails like a dingo in heat as we made a mad dash down the waterlogged gang.

Earlier in the day we visited the Conrad Hotel in Nusa Dua to visit the General Manager Kevin who we met at the John Martono exhibition back in November 2022. We arrived an hour or so early mainly due to the lack of things to do in Uluwatu after our very early session at The Istana. Finn was in fine form once again and did a great job communicating to the buff hipsters who frequent the place. Villa Cactus turned out to be a godsend in some ways and also a fine example of all the things that I despise about Bali. Sounds a bit weird. The reason it was great was because after turning our back on the first accomodation that we had booked and paid for I needed to find something fast and efficiently. Villa Cactus was the first place that came up on my AirBnB search and looked like the exact dichotomy of the shithole that we had just rejected. So from that viewpoint it was a relief to find and worth paying $175 US for. Both Finn and Georgie loved it. Modern, quiet, soulless, like a picture from a real estate website but it served it’s purpose well. On the other hand it made me realise what a fabulous place Villa Tusk is, pimples and all. Open to the weather, noisy, frog choirs abounding after it rains, always a bit too warm but at the same time exotic, eclectic, arty, Indonesian chic and 100% personalised. It was good to arrive home even though Penestanan is waterlogged and our gas had run out.

It’s time for bed.

Friday March 3, 2023

We woke up in our own bed this morning after a night in Uluwatu. After hours of intense sauna’ing over the past 2 days I have a feeling that my salt levels have depleted significantly resulting a several horrible cramps overnight even though I kept taking electrolytes over the past few days.

It is good to be back in Ubud.

The plans for today are pretty predictable : walk, haircut, gym, sauna and eat. 

After we set out on our walk and also after I drank a glass of salty water I realized that there is something negative happening with my energy levels. I suspect that I have a slight dose of something that my immune system is fighting against. We ended up half heartedly walking to Cafe Vespa, having a coffee and then I wimped out and we walked back home, only 4000 steps.

 

A potential Introduction to my Cancer Book

Is it easier to receive shitty news when you are doing great or when you are drowning in misery?  Luckily for me I was doing great when I found out that I had cancer.

There are certain words that none of us want to hear, especially from a doctor, “cancer” is way up on the top of the list. It has such evil connotations as a word that I reckon we should “cancel” it and come up with a new moniker for one of mankind’s biggest killers. 

Like most unpalatable things in life, the general populace know almost nothing about cancer apart from the apparency that it generally equates with death and suffering. It appears that worldwide around 10 million people died with or from cancer in 2019, over 600,000 in the USA alone and also that 18 million actually had cancer worldwide in 2020.

I was one of them!

It’s hard to express what it feels like when you are told by a medical professional that you have cancer. Maybe it’s like what a surfer must feel like when they are dumped by a huge wave …. dismay, disappointment, confusion, regret, fear, not being in control. It’s a “gotta scratch your head” moment, like when you get slapped in the face by somebody when you say the wrong thing or when the judge dishes out a death sentence. My brain turned to jelly after my initial stoic reaction when my GP uttered the words “ I’m so sorry but you have cancer”. Nothing could have prepared me for this verdict. I had been on a roll, apparently healthier than I had been in decades. Cancer was the last thing on my mind.

(Between you and me I didn’t really believe the words she uttered and like in a fantasy was convinced that a mistake had been made.)

I was already keeping a daily journal which I religiously wrote every morning. The following is an edited version of the next 12 months or so. The disbelief, the confusion and dismay, the decisions, the heartbreak and finally when I came to my senses and found a direction, my strategy and the protocols that I followed to overcome cancer, the mutant cells that lose their programmed ability to die (apoptosis), damaged cells that proliferate and finally kill so many of our species.

We went to Sami Warung after Finn and I returned from the Gym and Sauna. Georgie arrived a bit later, sat down and casually said Wayne Shorter died. Oh fuck, my heroes are leaving. That’s another amazing musician who won’t play anymore. I’m currently listening to Native Dancer, a beautiful album he made in 1975 while he was still a part of Weather Report. The first track on the album is a beautiful Brazilian inspired piece called Ponta de Areia. Even though this album is almost 50 years old it stills sounds fresh and contemporary, anyway it does two me anyway. Goodbye Wayne. I saw him once with Weather Report at The Palais in or around 1979. Joe Zawinul and Jaco have both been gone for many years. Wayne made it to 89. When the music is over……………..

Before going to the gym today Finn and I visited The Ubud Barbershop and both had a haircut, shave, wash and dry from Indra. Finn’s new hair style is fabulous, looks very sophisticated and overall gives him a brand new image. I’ve got 2 haircuts left before we return to Melbourne. Last but not least. We finished our day at Sami Warung. The guys were playing again tonight. Anggar is such an amazing guitar player, inspiring. Finn compelled me to ask him whether I could bring my amp and guitar next Friday night and he was open armed. He thinks I look like Eric Clapton!! We are going to see them again on Sunday at the Ubud Artisan Market in Sanggingan just up the road from our place. Damn, I’m starting to feel so at home in Ubud and now I have to get ready to give it all up for the time being to return to Melbourne.

Saturday March 4, 2023

As the days roll by and the return to Melbourne is closer on my horizon I need to start to think about what I will do for the 6 weeks prior to leaving for Europe. I almost need to pretend that I am an expat in Bali who is excited about going to Melbourne on a 6 week holiday.

Of course I will visit my friends, my family. I’ll do my weekly oxygen, I’ll go to the gym and have saunas and jump in the pool. I’ll walk to the station and catch trains around Melbourne, I’ll do activities with Finn and if all goes well I’ll go on train trips with Georgie to Victorian country towns. I’ll spend time at Red Hill, eat healthy keto food and get back on the low carb wagon. I will play my guitars and learn more about recording and I will work on my book. I’ll set up spaces around our house to write and create and I’ll go on long walks while I listen to music and podcasts. I’ll learn more about being healthy and fit and endeavour to Ger Finn and Allissa spending time together. That’s a lot, a big 6 week project. I’ve got to learn to make the most of wherever I am as opposed to missing where I’ve been. I have to be grateful that I can exist in different locations and that I am with Georgie who overall is completely on the same page as I am.

If I can do all of those things then I will be a happy chappy with lots to look forward to.

Now all I’ve got to do is to work out how the fuck I’m going to finance this wonderful life.

But I still have 12 days left in Bali, loads of time to get loads done. Enough time to work with Finn toward achieving a better life, one that will possibly be more real to him now that he has begun to unlock the potential of interacting with random people and spreading his wings. Enough time to meet people myself and share ideas, continue to improve my fitness and make my body stronger, work on improving our Villa. Enough time to learn from others, to play a bit of music and have “epiphonious” moments of self discovery.

I’ve promised Gino that I will write a review for Villa Cactus in Uluwatu so I’ll give that a go now.

“Have you ever arrived at an AirBnB property and felt complete relief that what you saw in the online pictures is actually better in reality. We have our own villa in Ubud and went to Uluwatu for 2 days, the first place we booked turned out to be so horrible that we had to get a refund and leave. Luckily for me the first property that appeared on my AirBnB search was Villa Cactus … white walls, big spaces, simple styling, a sense of luxury, two bedrooms (our son was travelling with us) just what we needed for our one night stay. We hopped in a Gojek and arrived to be greeted by the charming and charismatic Gino who welcomed us with open arms. I couldn’t have been happier to have found this place. Big beds, classy but simple decor, nice furniture, white walls to contrast the cactus and plants, a walled pool, well appointed kitchen, luxurious bathrooms. Fabulous. Our trip to Uluwatu could have been a disaster if we had stayed in the wrong place but Villa Cactus made coming home a pure pleasure.”

When I opened my eyes this morning I thought that I would give myself a break this morning and forego our morning walk. I had walked a fair bit yesterday and done a strenuous workout. My HRV is 47 this morning, one of my best scores that I’ve ever had and my lowest heart rate was 42 last night. I got 7 1/2 hours sleep and overall my Oura ring loves me. I decided that getting dressed in some nice clothes and wandering around to Alchemy with my computer was a decent option.

Sunday March 5, 2023

Going to bed late is having quite an impact on my sleeping habits as well as pretty much knocking out my morning walks. Overall it’s Ok because I’m getting bigger and better workouts at the gym and generally wake up with a somewhat pleasant pain in most of my muscles.

I’m Ok about going home on March 15 but wouldn’t say no if Georgie and Finn decided to stay. It’s a big wait to the end of August when we return to Bali but there is lots of travel and adventure planned before then. As I said yesterday it is crucial that I can enjoy myself wherever I am.

I’ve started using Chat GPT since speaking to Allissa yesterday. Even though I have not even scratched the surface so far I can already see how it can help me discover data and write my book.

I have a feeling that I am going to be really getting into the book a lot more over the coming weeks and months.

I’ll be doing a couple of things today. Gym, Sauna, Artisan’s Market, Hotel Tjampuan.

How do you tell a musician how good you think they are without sounding like you are sucking up to them.

Monday March 6, 2023

A father doesn’t really have to do all that much to have children. It seems to me that all of the hard work of child bearing and birth falls to the Mother. 

What a father can strive for is to be somewhat of an inspiration and a rock for their offspring, maybe even a mentor. Somebody who can give unconditional love and compassion, be a good listener and gently steer their children in a good direction.

I have strived to be a good father to my three children, maybe I haven’t always succeeded or at different times I have placed more attention on one over the others.

Having said that what I’m writing about this morning isn’t really that. What I have my attention on today is the gratification that rewards you as a parent. When a magical moment happens that makes everything worthwhile and when you feel a sense of achievement that lights you up like the Sydney Harbour Bridge on New Years Eve.

Last night I experienced one of those moments.

Finn, Georgie and I had been to the Gym and Sauna at ParQ. The cold plunge wasn’t all that cold and the rain was pouring down tumultuously from the equatorial heavens so we left early and caught a gojek ride to The Ubud Artisan Market which is held on the first weekend of the month in Sanggingan, a village in Ubud only around 15 minutes walk from Villa Tusk. It’s held on the location where Janet De Neefe puts on the Ubud Writers Festival each October or thereabouts, close to her Indus Restaurant which overlooks the Tjampuan Ridge. We ate some food, looked around and then wandered down to Indus where I drank a coffee and Georgie and Finn knocked back a couple of drinks. We ended up having a great discussion about time travel and Science Fantasy. Finn was in full flight, fuelled by a couple of Bintangs.

One of the reasons we were here was to see the band that plays at Sami Warung on Friday nights. They had invited us to come and see them play at the Artisans Market. Georgie caught a gojek home around 7 pm and Finn and I wandered down the road back to the Market. Finn bought himself a small wooden box as a memento and we sat with the band who were hanging out, drinking whiskey and just generally chewing the fat. A nice way to start a night of music.  What I didn’t know was that they have a bass player as he’s never played with them at Sami.

Long story short because this isn’t about the band, it’s about me and Finn. To put it mildly they fired up and just got better and better as the night went on. 

About 90 minutes into it Finn passionately said to me, “ This is one of the best nights of my life”, holy shit, what do you do with that. It’s everything a father could hope and wish for. Sharing such a moment with their son although there is 49 years separating us. We could share this moment without any restraints, without labels, without any hierarchy or considerations about our roles. It was one of the crowning moments of my own life. My heart was filled with joy at the thought that we could share a moment like this and be united in our mutual love of music.

We left at about 9 pm and wandered back down the road toward Tjampuan, bought a couple of ice creams and shared thoughts and feelings with each other.

This moment in time was  my pay off for all of the head scratching and moments when I thought that Finn and I wouldn’t ever resonate on the same wavelength. A splendiferous moment of joy, happiness and satisfaction. A breakthrough that may now resonate for the rest of my life, our lives. Happiness and contentment prevail I feel like a cat curled up in a ball sitting in the window with the warm sun pouring in and permeating my whole being with warmth and life sustaining energy.

Thank you Bali for this gift. It means so much to me.

How do you tell a musician how good you think they are without sounding like you are sucking up to them.

Finn and I spent a couple of hours last night listening to Golden Mojo, 

Tuesday March 7, 2023

This morning my thoughts are a bit like a William Burroughs novel, cut up style, like the bullets slamming out of a Gatling gun, no rhyme or Ruth’s just incessantly scattered thoughts that appear one after another and quickly lead to something else that is completely disassociated. Last night the Balinese people celebrated a full moon, an auspicious event that happens every month and is viewed to clean out bad thoughts and generally cleanse people spiritually. Looks like the washing machine may have broken down for me

And all the shit that came to the surface got all mixed up. Who knows! 

I’ve pretty much fully dropped off the keto band wagon. I haven’t even done a blood test for at least a month although I am not eating complete crap just more carbs than I have in a few years. I have observed that even though it is pretty damn enjoyable my body doesn’t respond well and my brain also seems to be affected in an adverse direction. It’s interesting observing the justifications and excuses that I make to myself and the promises that I also make to myself that I will get back on the wagon when we return to Melbourne.

I almost bombed out on going for my walk up the Tjampuan Ridge this morning but even though I left 30 minutes later than normal I am now sitting at Kastara having my Bali Coffee with the sound of the Wos River and the birds and insects creating their cacophonous symphony all around me, sitting in my prized birds nest all alone and luxuriating in my beautiful surroundings.

We’ve got a couple of the people that we met in Uluwatu arriving in Ubud today. Juz and Rachel. We recommended that Rachel stay at Hotel Tjampuan, she’s sure to love it. 

Hi Flora

Here I am lost in Bali and starting to feel a sense of loss at the thought of leaving on March 15. As normal

I’m still Plotting to extend but Georgie and Finn are sounding like they want to Come home.

The trip has served its purpose pretty well. I have really bonded with Finn which is what it was all about for me, fingers crossed that we can build on what we’ve already achieved in Bali when we get home.

I think

I was meant to live on the equator, I live the sun coming up at 6 and going down again 12 hours later, I love the days rolling into each other like waves crashing on the shore, I love meeting people from all over the world and connecting even if it’s only transient most of the time.

How is it going with your new lifestyle? 

Hey, we met an acclaimed ceramist in Ulawatu last week , she has work on the National Gallery. She’s running a course  at Gaia over the next fortnight. We are catching up with her again this week.

Give my love to John. We’ll See you ina couple of weeks

I’m writing this on my phone so excuse the typos. Gary

Wednesday March 8, 2023

I just had a long talk with Melanie, what other sort of talk can you possibly have with her apart from a long one.

I’m back at Kastara having my morning coffee, shirtless and still a bit sweaty from my trek up the ridge. I’m feeling particularly good this morning. I made a special point of taking a lot of salt and electrolytes yesterday, plus protein and fat and eating better overall. I’ll

Keep this up as an experiment to see what difference it will make as salt might be my Achilles heal.

Bali is a tropical paradise, greenery everywhere, foliage and leaves drop from the trees every minute of the day. What is amazing is watching the Balinese with their straw brooms sweeping up the debris that falls from the trees and plants, it’s always clean. If it wasn’t for their diligence and this habit then the jungle and the debris that it creates would take over and steal some of the beauty. The contrast between nature and harmonious spaces. It’s a beautiful

dichotomy.

I’ll need to head back to Villa Tusk soon. I’ve made a big list of all of the cycles that we need to attend to, it’s a big list and we really do need to work on it while we are still in Bali because realistically we won’t be back for months.

I got back to our villa dripping in sweat, jumped in the pool to cool down and had a chat to Georgie about what we can get done to the villa this week. Looks like we are going to start working on the upstairs Balai this week. First stage is to get the day bed moved up there and reassembled then we need to fix the overhead roof, lighting, plants, find a small writing table, hanging baskets.

Rachel has arrived and it looks like she’s quite happy with Hotel Tjampuan. We dropped into Gaya’s workshop yesterday to say a quick hello to Juz. Initially we spoke to the workshop manager, Eva. An American ceramicist who seems to run the show there, originally from Montana. What a lovely person she is, delightful, friendly and totally inviting. She gave us a quick tour and explained the various kilns and how they work. Juz was quite busy but did have a chance to come and have a chat. What a great find she was/is. Hopefully we can have a long term relationship and maybe I can even help her Mum. Who knows.

I’m starting to think that I definitely want to stay until Nyepi, it’s going to be very exciting and I can also spend the week going to shops in Kerobokan and Seminyak looking for furniture, kitchen stuff and artefacts.

Thursday March 9, 2023

I had an idea this morning when I was walking back down the Tjampuan Ridge. I need to do at least 3 blog entries for my Villa Tusk Website each week covering different aspects of Ubud, Penestanan and surrounding areas. So many people arrive in Ubud and have no idea what to do apart from going to Tampaksaring, waterfalls and restaurants in the main streets of Ubud when there are so many options and amazing things that can be done. This might also get us a bit of a following and help with our bookings. Maybe I even have to get adventurous and set up a Tik Tok page.

We had Rachel over to our Villa last night, we got off to  a late start but all in all we had a very pleasant evening. One of the main take homes from our talks was how wonderful our Villa is. Too much familiarity with anything blunts the overall impact it seems to have on you and that’s where I was starting to go with Villa Tusk. I had started to notice what wasn’t right with it as opposed to what is right with it.  I’m inspired by some of the concepts that Rachel spoke about, story telling, minimal use of words, pulling back on bits and pieces that are only interesting to me. I need to be brutal with myself when I write the book. Sure I have a framework to build on but I need to look back on some of the stories that I can tell about my experience and pull it back to a much more concise, interesting and inspiring story.

Lots of walking today. Georgie and I started off with a walk up Tjampuan Ridge, after we got back we did a bit of planning and touched base with Purnami and Komang. I hoped on the back of a scooter and went to Sayan Nursery to check out some plants and then walked down to Okta’s remarkable Antique and junk shop where I found some fascinating pieces, when I left Okta’s I walked back up Jalan Raya Sayan and found a warung that had samsam which is basically crunchy suckling pig, yummy and very filling. I then hopped on the back of another scooter and came back to the villa. Georgie and Finn had already eaten lunch at Warung Mendez. We finally headed off to the gym at Parq which is a whole story in itself which I might write

Friday March 10, 2023

I’m going to commit myself to writing a few blogs each week about Bali, Ubud and Penestanan. This will not only keep me in touch with Bali when I’m not here but it will also hopefully help out with rentals on our villa. Anyway I hope so.

“My first contact with the Balinese village of Penestanan was in 1983 although I had no idea that there was a village with that name back then, 40 long years ago. It was my first trip overseas, we brought our young family to Bali albeit a Bali with far less tourists, a Bali bereft of flashy places and foreign entrepreneurs.

We stayed at The exotic Hotel Tjampuan just west of Ubud perched in a valley between Penestanan and Ubud. There were subsequent trips in 1986 and 87, trips that cemented my love of the island described by Nehru as “The morning of the world.”

I didn’t return to Bali again until 1996, once again with my two kids who were now teenagers. My wife Melanie had left me a year earlier so I decided to bring Paul and Allissa to Bali to escape from the fractures that still lay open in Melbourne.

I have always gravitated to Ubud. It’s ravines and ridges, culture, temples, gamelan, warungs and especially the people epitomise the spirit and beauty of Bali to me. I’ve been back in 97, 98 (3 times), 2000, 2007, 2008, 2018, 2019 (twice), 2020, 22 (3 times) and 2023.

Penestanan has always been central to my love of Bali but it wasn’t until 2019 that I fully immersed myself in the “village of the young artists” as it is known.

In 2019 my wife Georgie and I took a leap of faith and took a 20 year lease on a rather dilapidated joglo on 5 are (pronounced ara) of land not more than 5 minutes walk from The Hotel Tjampuan where my Bali love affair began in 1983.

It has now been over 3 years since we leased our villa and subsequently renovated it, converting it into our very distinctive and unique home in Bali.

We have just spent 6 weeks in Penestanan with our 22 year old son, Finn. The time to return to Melbourne is fast approaching. My heart is heavy but we will return again in August for 2 months with a trip to Spain and Italy wedged in between now and then.

Little did I know 40 years ago that my destiny would be tied to the spot where the the jungle still glistens in the morning sun next to Hotel Tjampuan and Gunung Lebah temple which is located at the junction of the Wos and Oos Rivers before they become the Tjampuan River and flow under the 2 bridges, one old and the other relatively new and then past Muni’s Warung and on to the Sacred Monkey Forest.

This is the location where I generally start my day with a brisk and sweating trek up the Tjampuan Ridge.

I am in love with this spot, it holds some magic for me. I feel at home and at peace when I am here.

Penestanan is now my second home. My links are consolidated and will remain so for the balance of my life.”

I am back at a very empty Alchemy banging on the keyboard of my computer. I arrived at 7 a.m after deciding that today would be a respite from my normal 90 minute sojourn from our villa up to Keliki and back, a pathway through the jungle that I have traversed many times. It’s an amazing way to start my day, I pretty much always feel exhilarated and high on dopamine by the time I return to our Villa.

If all goes as is planned we will drive down to Canggu today to have saunas and experience what we have been led to believe are very chill cold plunges at a place called Amo. The plan is to get back at dusk just before I ‘ll be having a jam with 3/4 of Golden Mojo, my favourite Balinese rock band who play at Sami Warung in Jalan Raya Penestanan on Friday nights.

As I’ve said in other journal entries the past 5 weeks have been pretty magic and rejuvenating for our relationship as a family. I feel closer to my son Finn than I have in years. I’m pretty confident that the bond that has been created and strengthened over the past 40 days will just get stronger from now on out. We needed this time together in a different location away from the habits and history of our home and life in Australia.

I’m feeling fitter and stronger than at any other point in my 71 years. 5 weeks of walking, gym work, saunas, massages and HBOT have paid off handsomely. I feel at peace with my life and what I have thus far achieved and I look forward to opening my eyes and feeling exhilarated as the sun rises each morning until at least February 2052 and hopefully beyond. 

I have arrived where I am today due to who I am and always have been as  well as the experiences and relationships that I have had along the way since I appeared in this particular lifetime in February 1952. I feel like a firefly aflame with light, electricity and energy which hopefully lights up the locations I occupy and the relationships that I choose to create.

I am in this magical experiment called life, this rollercoaster ride that is somewhat unfathomable and which does not from my viewpoint need to be understood just experienced. Every single moment is precious.

I can genuinely say that I have arrived where I am “happy and satisfied” to a greater degree.

Next week is full of momentous dates, anniversaries of beginnings and endings. I am finally at peace with the month of March which has been like an explosion of joy mixed with memories and moments of tragedy and loss. It will be 11 years since my first born son Paul passed. He would have been 43 years old if he had lived. My dad also passed 8 years ago, he would have been 99 if he had lived. This is also the month that I met Georgie in 1996, also the month when Melanie left my immediate orbit in 1995. It is the month that my son Finn was born in the year 2000 and the month that Georgie’s older brother Rick had his birthday although he also is no longer with us either. March 31 marks the 72nd anniversary of my parents marriage in 1951.

Saturday March 11, 2023

I am back in my nest at Kastara having my well earned morning coffee. It is a sublime morning, magical to say the least.

Georgie couldn’t come on the walk this morning so I’m on my own. My fingertips on my left hand are mighty painful this morning after a couple of hours of playing guitar with Golden Mojo last night at Sami Warung. I was as nervous as a virgin in his first date. It took at least an hour for me to loosen up enough to actually enjoy myself but enjoy myself I did albeit the best music happened after Georgie and Finn left. I have my limitations but I can still wing it. It was fabulous playing with these guys, especially Angga. A truly amazing guitar player. If nothing else I did get some sweet inspiration last night and maybe gained a wee bit more street cred with Finn.

Talking about Finn, he has developed a nasty cold which is playing havoc with his sinuses. I bought some “medicine” for him after our trip to the gym and sauna yesterday, this may help. I’ve just got to re-iterate what a blast it had been spending the past 6 weeks with him and Georgie. If I can maintain the momentum that we’ve got going then life will be better for all of us.

I have worked out how to stay until after Nyepi. The way things look I will go back on March 28th, 13 days after Georgie and Finn. This will give me a chance for some self indulgence and alone time which I don’t really need but which I will enjoy. Time to reflect and continue my journey. It’s been a while since I’ve been on my own.

Something that I’ve realised about myself is that I love a pen pal. These people who actually really care about writing and what they say are few and far between. I get the ball rolling and then things Peter out. Time to make a list of people who can be part of my penpal club.

Plans for today include haircuts, a late afternoon get together with Juz, lunch with Finn and Georgie, possibly a massage and foot treatment for Finn and maybe a quick trip to ParQ.

Sunday March 12, 2023

The sanctity of life is a gift that all beings probably (or hopefully) acknowledge regularly, a gift that surpasses anything else simply because to experience the mystery and magic of life we have to embrace, experience and participate in it.

I only have my own observation and experience to base my beliefs and viewpoints on, I admit that my personal belief that I am an eternal spirit is simply a deep seated one based on my own desire to not just simply fizzle out one fine day and cease to exist.

Throughout my life I have experienced people I love live and die. Based on that alone I know that bodies are transient. 

I can observe my own memories, at times some clearer and more concise than others, at other times based on photographs or stories that I have told myself or have been told that possibly replace the actual events that happened. My memories ground me, comfort me, give me some sort of foundation to build upon but really they don’t matter too much because all that actually exists is now, this moment that is different than any before it. All that should concern me is how I react and respond to this precise moment I exist in plus the things that I create along the way. Even if I have lived thousands of lifetimes in different incarnations, based on my own reality I have a bad case of amnesia. We all probably do. Maybe that’s the way it has been designed. I don’t really think that we are evolved enough to have a clear memory of all of our existence. Just a few fleeting glimpses to tantalize us!

If I get too stuck in my head I will miss what’s happening around me although I do have the ability to be introspective and extroverted at the same time, in and out. That in itself is almost incomprehensible but it is a magnificent ability that we all have. The ability to direct our attention and consciousness. To hear sounds or not, to see our surroundings or not, to feel our body as it carries out it’s miraculous functions (or not), to communicate to others or not. The list could go on and on.

Every now and again I get a glimpse of what might be experiences recalled from lifetimes lived in other bodies, incarnations, experiences that seem real or at least are powerful enough to evoke a feeling of deja vu but isn’t this a bit like the memories I have of this life, shimmering recollections of existence. So even though I hate to admit it memories to me are like trinkets that I wear to make me feel distinctly different or to explain or justify how I respond to external stimuli in my present environment.

Underlying all of this there is “me”, whatever “me” is. Maybe in its power and simplicity I just have to accept that it is simply consciousness and a point to view whatever else exists from. Some mystical energy that is unexplainable and somewhat incomprehensible.

That is my dumbed down version of life, maybe contrived maybe not.

What I’m getting at is that based on my own observations there are three potent factors involved in life or at least life on earth as I currently know it. Something I call “The Three Of Us”. 

Body, mind and spirit.

These three miracles create a composite being which I identify with as “me” although based on my own logic and reason the only one of these that can exist and persist is the life force that is the real “me” or spirit.

Having said that I have to admit that my body is the vehicle that I currently occupy and identify with. It is the crucible in which my memories and consciousness exist . It is the symbol that others identify with, an integral part of my own identity. 

When it dies or deteriorates, gets sick, fat or mis-formed, when it doesn’t work properly or isn’t constantly created this can cause unhappiness and distress not only for me but for the other people who love me or rely on me. 

My body is a gift that planet earth and the physical universe has loaned me to look after for a finite amount of time. 

It is an integral part of the survival and continuation of my species and as such I have a responsibility to care for it, feed it well, nurture it and be cognizant of the wondrous construct that I have been granted to exist in during this moment in time.

The one thing that all of us humans have in common is that our bodies will die and return to the earth. This will surely cause a certain amount of distress, anxiety, loss, hopelessness for those around us. Some of us will live relatively long lives and others will be cut down by illness, accidents, pestilence and disease, violence, mishaps and such. None of us want the people we love to die but they surely will or at least their bodies will cease to exist at some point apart from in our memories and hearts.

The beauty of being part of the human race is our ability to communicate with each other, to share new ideas and discoveries, to be inspired, to not have to do all the research, discovery and work all on our own. That is why we have researchers, scientists, teachers, gurus, philosophers. We are so privileged to possess consciousness, brains, minds and abilities that allow us to share the myriad information that is being constantly discovered and uncovered by our brothers and sisters of the human race.

Our biggest enemy is thinking that we know it all already. To learn anything you must first acknowledge the “you don’t know”. As our skills evolve and as we stand on the shoulders of those who came before, new knowledge and greater understanding will potentially be uncovered and unleashed. These new ideas and discoveries will not be accepted immediately, existing dogma will challenge them and attempt to invalidate them or even destroy them. Often it will take decades for the new ideas to be integrated into existing “mainstream” procedures and information resources. 

Unfortunately in this day and age, based on observation, the acceptance and dissemination of new ideas, methodology and procedures will be largely determined by profitability over workability. If there is money to be made, power to be held onto, certain vested interests will even withhold new ideas and methodology in order to protect outmoded  and potentially unworkable dogma. 

Unfortunately this is the way of the world and it’s going to take a few brave souls to stick to their guns and at least give these new ideas a go and to prove or disprove the workability and then to share their results and observations.

But underlying all of this, we are each individually  and ultimately responsible for our own appreciation of life, our own health and our own journey through the myriad of information, dogma and what works for us and also gets the results that we desire.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I have a desire to remain open to new ideas, new realities, new creations. I have no desire or need to hold onto anything from the past, I strive to not believe as a crutch ….. simply because I endeavour to exist in the present and ultimately have nothing to fear. My wish is to remain open to new ideas, my own personal realisations and to be open and embrace the viewpoints and discoveries of other beings whether I personally agree with them or not.

Monday March 13, 2023

Yesterday was a day a decadence, sloth and gluttony. Firstly there was no walking, no gym so no exercise then off course we had booked ourselves in for brunch at the 5 star Mulia Resort in Nusa Dua for 4 hours of eating and drinking.

The trip down took 90 minutes so we arrived at around 11.30am. The buffet was in full swing by then. My first impression was that it might be a bit conservative but as the minutes ticked by and I began eyeing the food that was available it started to look like we were in for a feast.

As usual at these buffets I was hungry so the first mouthfuls of food were spectacular. Overall it seemed that the quality of the food was far superior to any of the other Sunday brunches that we had been at like The W, Byrd’s Beach House and even Kong. I lie, the food at Kong was pretty damn good but The Mulia had so much more on offer. It was also spread out in an air conditioned room with the outlook of the huge pool with it’s Academy Award style statues and the beach in the distance. Tempura Zucchini flowers, foie gras, escargots, crab, prawns, oysters, beautifully cooked duck, pork, broccoli, asparagus both white and green, cauliflower, zucchini all cooked to perfection, Japanese tempura prawns and zucchini, bowls of seafood concoctions, a soufflé style French seafood omelette that was superb and the deserts, my god, the deserts creme boulle, dark chocolate treats, handmade chocolate balls with exotic textures inside, creamy custardy delights. I ate far too much but I didn’t feel sick. Maybe I’m getting a bit too used to carbs and delicious food. It’s going to be back to basics for the next 2 weeks and beyond. We finished with coffee and Georgie negotiated to get us 3 towels and an OK to swim in the pool.

We were there until about 4.30pm.

Letters

Hi Rachel

How are you standing up to the early mornings? I’m sure Sumba is a very different experience than Bali. I’m staying on for Nyepi. Georgie and Finn are going back on Wednesday night. I’m well known for working out ways to extend trips! I’ve found out that on the 19th Penestanan Kaja and Kelod have processions when they take their Barongs out for a walk to each others Banjars, that should be pretty cool and then on the morning of the 20th they take their Gamelan and Barong to the ocean to do the Purification ceremonies. The trip starts at 4 am and it looks like the whole village are involved (over 2000 people). Not certain which part of the coast they will go to yet. From what you told me you are going to be in Seminyak for the “cleansing”. I’m going to head of with the Penestanan guys.

I hope you are continuing to have a magnificent time in Sumba and that all is going as planned. Georgie and I found a very special spot this morning not more than 10 minutes from our villa. I’ll send some pics. See you soon. Gary

Tuesday March 14, 2023

Ubud

You could visit Ubud for one or two days and go away with no desire to ever return. I fear that the majority of visitors only get a chance to wander around the intersection of Jalan Raya Ubud and Jalan Suweta, visit the Royal Palace, eat lunch or dinner in one of the countless restaurants either in the main street or down the back alleys and then go shopping in Monkey Forest Rd or Jalan Hanuman. If this was my itinerary and my first trip to Ubud I would scratch my head and wonder what all the fuss is about and possibly never return.

To discover Ubud you just have to peel away, layer by layer. 

I have been coming to Ubud for 40 years and I am still discovering new wonders hidden away down some obscure gang, down some hidden stone stairway or even behind a wall that I have walked past 100 times.

For me personally Ubud is the heart and soul of Bali. It is located in the Regency of Gianyar and comprises around 20 villages. In actual fact there are even more but the list below are the main ones.

The village that I live in is Penestanan which is slightly west of the centre of Ubud and is located between Campuhan and Sayan.

  1. Mas
  2. Peliatan
  3. Ubud Kelod
  4. Ubud Kaja
  5. Padang Tegal
  6. Nyuh Kuning
  7. Pengosekan
  8. Kedewatan
  9. Kutuh
  10. 10.Lungsiakan
  11. 11.Petulu
  12. 12.Singakerta
  13. 13.Sayan
  14. 14.Campuhan
  15. 15.Penestanan
  16. 16.Andong
  17. 17.Tegallalang
  18. 18.Keliki
  19. 19.Lodtunduh

Each of these villages has something unique going on, some distinct feature that sets it apart from the others. To experience Ubud you really need to explore as many of these villages as you possibly can, visit their temples, warungs, peer over the wall of the banjars, stroll through the rice fields and walk down their hidden narrow gangs.

Even more importantly you need to make contact with the people, their gods, their ceremonies and art, music, customs, food. You need to walk past a school at playtime and watch the children playing. 

Another worthwhile thing to do is to discover something about the history of the area that you are visiting, this will add a great deal to your understanding and overall experience.

I am going to attempt to tell some stories about some of my own experiences in Ubud and to generally talk about this magical place so when you do visit you  might be able to visit and experience some of the more obscure offerings that the main tourist trail doesn’t avail you of.

Today (and yesterday)

The days go too fast, when I look back at what we did yesterday I realise that we got more done than I even imagined.

Georgie and I started our day with a walk to Penestanan Kaja past the Ogeh Ogeh that are still being worked on for the upcoming Nyepi ceremonies in late March. We had a coffee at Cafe Vespa before continuing on. It has been a treat to watch these huge “monsters” evolve over the past 6 weeks. Georgie wanted to show me the stone carvings in the ravine that runs through Kaja. I’ve known about them for some time, been aware that the artist Ketut Karta has something to do with creating them but I certainly wasn’t prepared for their awe inspiring beauty. It hasn’t rained for a few days which gives a different vibe to the area. Even the walk back to Penestanan Kelod was illuminating and re-inforced the sense of aesthetics and beauty that makes me love our village. On the way back we ran into Eka and Wayan and shared lots of “Selemat Pagi” greetings with people we know or complete strangers. That is another thing I love about Bali, people really do generally acknowledge each others existence, there is a sense of community.

We got back to the villa and hung out until Finn was ready to head off for the day. Georgie and Finn have colds/flus, blocked up runny noses and croaky voices with coughs and general lethargy.

Finn and I had planned to get haircuts and shaves at the Ubud Barbershop in Jalan Suweta with our Sumatran friend Indra, he has become our personal barber. He puts so much time , love and care into every haircut and shave, so different than what I experience in Melbourne. When we arrived he was already busy and had a couple of people waiting for haircuts so we went into Temu, next door and ordered coffee for me and some food and a drink for Finn. Georgie drove over in a Gojek and picked us up to continue on to ParQ for a gym and sauna sessions. It has been so much fun going to the gym together over the past 6 weeks. I feel that I’m getting stronger after every session and achieving my goal of putting on more muscle to combat the old age atrophy that naturally occurs. We finally made it back to Indra. Georgie continued on home, Finn got his final Bali haircut and shave, jumped on a scooter and left me there for my turn. I’m having a haircut and general grooming session every week which is such a luxury. I wandered down the main street of Ubud and actually started looking in some of the shops which is something that I don’t normally do. Found some lights that might work for the villa. Finn rang me and asked whether I’d like to join him for dinner at Warung Kayana in Kedewatan. This has become our special eating place, big, tender juicy pork ribs cooked over a BBQ that never stops from the moment the Warung opens until it closes its door at night. This place is a hidden gem and is mainly catering to locals so the quality is far superior to the tourist restaurants and also cheaper. The had run out of beer so I asked if it would be OK to buy it outside and bring it in to the warung. Of course, why not! Fuck the rules, that’s another thing I love about Bali. I’m handling not drinking very well, it has been over 4 years now since alcohol has passed my lips so I have no intention of blowing that one. Georgie and Finn indulge themselves daily but that’s just something I have to live with. We finished our meals, I was so full but I got over that pretty quickly when Finn suggested that we go back and get Georgie and then go to the Blue Door in Monkey Forest Rd to catch the gig that our new favourite Bali band Golden Mojo were playing. They had invited us after our jam at Sami Warung on Friday night. I’m not getting sick of seeing them play, such amazing musicians, especially Angga who plays guitar. He is awe inspiring and so full of passion, skill and fire. As he says, he plays every gig like it’s the last one he will ever play. We walked to Ubud, checked out the perils bookshop where I decided to buy a few more book on Bali and it’s history, I’ll do that next week when the guys have returned home. I showed Georgie some lights that I had found earlier in the day and we continued on to The Blue Door. Going down Monkey Forest Rd in the evening is quite the experience. It’s like being transported to a new place, not at all like walking through Penestanan. Lights, glitz, flashy shops and bars … so unfamiliar but also pleasant in it’s own way.

The guys were just finishing setting up when we arrived. Last night it was the full band including the bass player and the electric drum kit. They play through the P.A which is pretty amazing because the sound they get is both powerful and incredibly well balanced. Watching Angga play his solos is so bloody inspiring and exciting. We stayed longer than planned and wandered off down Monkey Forest Rd in search of a lie night ice cream treat which we finally found in Jalan Suweta around 10 p.m, far too late but what the hell, it was the second last night together of our magical 6 weeks in Ubud. A trip I will always remember with a warm heart.

Message to Lis

Hi Lis Good morning. I’ve just gotten back from sitting in Alchemy and doing my morning writing session, taking a leaf out of your book. Finn and Georgie are flying out tomorrow night, we’ve had such a successful trip as far as the original goals went. So much closer and cohesive and on the same page. Going to try to fit in last minute stuff today and tomorrow like Bali Bird Park, Reptile park and Monkey Forest …. Stuff like that that we should have done weeks ago. Went to see the band (Golden Mojo) last night, they played at a bar in Monkey Forest Rd. So good being a “band Moll”. Finn’s loving seeing live music. Been creating some good relationships, we’ve become close with an artist who specialises in ceramics. She’s having an exhibition in Melbourne in June so you should come. Davis Walsh bought her first major work for MONA when she was 21 and it’s part of his permanent collection. You would really like her, strong lady. I’m giving her a hand with her Mum who has cancer, we’ll see how it goes. One of the best things that I like about being in Bali is that age doesn’t seem to matter. Young and old, all that seems to matter is your mindset and if you have something in common. I’m coming back on the 28th, really looking forward to Nyepi and all of the cleansing ceremonies, ogee ogee etc. I’m really starting to feel like Penestanan is home. I’m looking forward to coming home for a month before we head off to Spain and Italy …. The life I’ve always wanted. Looking forward to spending time together when I get back. Love you Lis. Dad

Wednesday March 15, 2023

The day has finally come! Georgie and Finn fly back to Melbourne tonight but I have pulled off a coup to stay until the 28th, another 14 days. As Georgie said last night “A sign of things to come.”

There are a few loose ends to tie up but overall I reckon I can live on the cheap and make the most of this extra time in Bali.

It’s just after 7pm, Georgie and Finn have just driven off with Made to go to the airport for their 10.20 flight to Melbourne which arrives back at 7.15am tomorrow morning. I’ll be fast asleep as it will be 3 hours earlier in Bali.

A Coward or a Diplomat

At some point in my life I came to the conclusion that everyone wants to feel acknowledged and understood. At the same time I realized that the only way that I could grant  others this gift was to put myself in their shoes and to try to occupy their head space and to even attempt to view life through their eyes in order to have some sort of empathy, tolerance and understanding of them. But I have finally realized that I also do this as a strategy to stay out of unnecessary conflicts and to achieve or attain my own personal ends.

 

This doesn’t mean that I am blind to the peccadillos of those around me and it certainly doesn’t mean that from time to time that I don’t feel a certain contempt towards the more irrational protagonists in my daily interactions. I would be a blind fool to say that I forgive everyone for their rudeness and stupidity.

 

But does this mean that I am a compromiser? A coward who wouldn’t defend what I believe in? Or is it a strategy to attempt to keep life on an even keel where reason can prevail and where I can even improve the quality of my own life and maybe that of the person I am attempting to understand or deal with.

Does conflict, fighting, using force, making others wrong, proving the point or even all out war ever really achieve anything apart from pain, death and destruction, personally I think not. Yet, for millennia conflict, war and at times destruction have been a yardstick in the history of mankind. To destroy one’s enemy and take what you can by brute force seems to be the predominant method of moving forward for the majority. The survival of the fittest and all of that.

I abhor violence. I do not like conflict and I do not feel comfortable with fighting, either verbally or physically. This doesn’t mean that I haven’t been guilty of being an arsehole from time to time or that I am always the arbiter of serenity and peace. It also doesn’t mean that I am brave and wise. There have been countless times when I could have handled disagreements and conflicts in a better way, a way where the outcome could have been more positive for everyone concerned.

When I was younger I wondered why world leaders didn’t just get in touch with each other and communicate in order to come to some resolution or compromise instead of mobilizing a whole generation of young men to fight each other to the death. Back then I didn’t understand the nuances of war and how it could be overtly and covertly used for many nefarious purposes and the personal gain of the powerful and rich.

So my question to myself as I ponder this conundrum is whether I am a coward or a diplomat or even whether I am willing to compromise my own integrity for peace and solace.

I am first to admit that physical violence is abhorrent to me. The idea of physically facing up to another person in a competition of strength and fighting skill isn’t something that I want to partake in. Although I believe that I would defend another person if their well being or life was in danger. On a milder note I am willing to swallow my pride and forget about being right if it means better relationships and plus a more positive outcome for both myself and the other party. Why not, doesn’t the end justify the means? If both myself and my antagonist can feel good about any transaction that takes place and if the outcome is more positive than negative for both of us isn’t that a worthwhile path to travel? I think so.

I’m not kidding myself. There is evil in the world. Evil that hurts many people or diminishes the quality of their lives and creates pain and suffering needs to be stamped out, by force if necessary 

Hi Marty

This is Gary from Australia. Thank you for telling me about your feelings yesterday it was better like that because we could talk. I am sorry for any upset that it may have caused you. We love coming to the gym and sauna at ParQ when we are in Bali and appreciate the facilities. I think sometimes Australian people can be a bit more loud and possibly aggressive, a bit like South African people. Bali is a place where many people from many nationalities mingle together and we all have to learn about each others culture and manners. I hope that we can remain friendly and that our communication can be open. Regards Gary

Thursday March 16, 2023

Today is the 11 th anniversary of Paul’s death.   

Finn and Georgie flew back to Australia overnight. If my sense are correct they will have arrived home by now and will be back in the family home in Mooroolbark. I’ve already been in touch with them via text and sort from little sleep and a few glitches at immigration it sounds like all is well.

I didn’t get to sleep until 9.30pm, woke up lots of times although each time I dropped off quickly again. I was awake at 5.30 and set off on my walk at 6.18am. I am

Once again surrounded by the sounds of the jungle with the gentle rays of the sun shining on my somewhat sweaty body. I’ve got a head full

Of thoughts and a huge list of topics that I want to write about but some of these will have to wait because today is the 11th anniversary of Paul’s death.

I hadn’t dreamt about him for quite a while but earlier this week I had one of those crazy dreams where he appeared. As usual it seemed so real, as usual I scratched my dream brain and got excited and as usual the dream was gone within moments of waking.

I wonder where he is, what he is, if he really does exist somewhere albeit with a bad case of amnesia. I’ve got to face up to the simple reality that he has left my orbit. Like all things in this wonderful universe family connections are transient, they come and go in fleeting moments that seem huge and significant when you are in the midst of them but when compared to the bigger picture are just short and sweet.

I have transcended mourning Paul although I do allow myself to remember him from time to time, to wonder what might have been, to look at different scenarios of what life might have been like now if he had survived. Deep down I fear that it might have been tragic. I fear that his Type 1 diabetes would have ravaged his body by now based on what had alr EA y happened during his short life. It takes a heap of self discipline to live with a chronic auto immune disease, especially one like insulin dependent diabetes.

There is no point in speculating or wondering what it might have been like if he had survived. I

I don’t plan on posting anything today although I have shared something with it Melanie and Allissa and have mentioned the date to Georgie and Finn. The time has come to mourn privately and not try to get others feeling sympathy or getting a few likes on Facebook. Life moves on and I just have to acknowledge the good times I had and to be aware of the beauty and fragility of life. Maybe to ponder loss and the havoc it can cause when you resist it or can’t face it or let it go. For me the bittersweet weapon is acceptance. Not wondering what could have been. All that really matters is what is happening right now.

I’ll be on my own for the next 2 weeks. I don’t think that I will get lonely, maybe a little bit but there is lots to do and if I use my time wisely I think that I can enhance my life and generally get lots done.

I had my hairiest scooter ride today. Weaving in and out of the traffic, driving down the wrong side of the road and travelling at excessive speeds. It was a long trip but only cost $4. Scooters are an incredibly economical mode of transport to use. Could I hear going to Kerobokan on a scooter tomorrow? Maybe! It’s going to save me a packet so I might just bear the discomfort and go on the back of a scooter and then just wander around. I’ll go to at least Metta and Rzer and then just wander around the warehouses and shops to see what I can find.

I’m fascinated by the Russians at ParQ. To be honest I haven’t talked to more than a handful and those were quite cordial. What I can’t get over is how well groomed, fit and good looking that most of them are. My perception of fat, drab, grey communist era Russians has been shattered by the people who roam around ParQ.

It’s almost time for bed again. I did almost 28,000 steps today, had sauna and cold plunge but it’s now been 2 days since I’ve been to the gym. My huge walk in the hot midday sun up Jalan Andong, Jalan Petulu and Jalan Tegallalang was not all in vain. I found the lights that I liked at a shop in Ubud a few nights ago for a third of the price. I’ve made an order and will go back and pay for them tomorrow. I’ve also got to go to Keliki tomorrow to pay for the antiques. The lights and ginger jar plus a few other bits and pieces will really look great in the villa. I’m quite excited.

I’ve been loving riding on the backs of motor scooters, it’s such an exciting and cheap way of getting around. Diet wasn’t great today. I made scrambled eggs with parmesan for lunch, drank one too many coffee and ate a croissant and a large piece of ciabatta. Not too impressive. I’ve finished the day with a coconut milk and flask protein smoothie and electrolytes, a cheap food day but not what you could call nutritious!

The clock is moving faster than it has a right to. It’s almost 9pm, time for bed again. I’ll do my best to get up at 5.30 tomorrow and hit the Tjampuan Ridge again before going to the light shop and then the gym.

Tomorrow I need to make a comprehensive list of all of the things that I need to get done, including booking somewhere to stay for the last 3 days when we have guests at the villa.

Mosquito net and mattress cover for day bed

Door for Villa 3

Paint colours for feature walls and furniture

Garden lights

Non slip matting

Plants

Review of ParQ Sauna Area

I have been addicted to saunas since the early 1980s. In recent times there has been more and more research done and tabulated on the amazing health benefits of saunas and cold plunges. I discovered the sauna and cold plunge at ParQ in Ubud, Bali early last year (2022). I had been using other saunas closer to my village, Penestanan but after discovering the saunas at ParQ I am willing to walk an hour to be quaranteed of cleanliness, consistent heat, generous size and great company. I meet really interesting people from all over the world, most of them very communicative with great stories and willingness to communicate. The girls who work in the area are very friendly and co-operative. The space is huge and consists of a hot Finnish sauna, a silent aromatherapy sauna, a hammam (Turkish Sauna) and cold plunge. You can pay per session or longer periods if you are in Ubud for a while.

There’s nothing better than going to the fabulous gym at ParQ and then going downstairs and finishing the session of with a sauna and cold plunge. I recommend it 100%. Check out their instagram @sauna.bali, you can communicate with them via instagram messages.

Friday March 19, 2023

I have the dreaded cold that Georgie and Finn have had. I gave Georgie a big kiss 3 nights ago when she was sick. Big mistake. It’s been creeping up on me for the past few days, I thought I might escape the full impact but it’s not looking too good at the moment. When I woke up this morning I made it up the Tjampuan Ridge OK but after having a coffee at Kastara the trip down was painstaking, aches and pains. Still feel a bit off colour and sorry for myself.

My original plan was to come back from the walk and then hop on a scooter to go to Tegallalang to pay Sugiono for the lights and then to go to ParQ to do my gym workout and sauna. These plans fell to the wayside as the morning opened up. I’m now sitting at Alchemy making lists, communicating and generally feeling sorry for myself.

This will give me a chance to catch up on all of my delinquent  and incomplete communication.

Tomorrow is Finn’s birthday, holy shit, he is 23 years old. A grown man.

Finn’s birthday Kris was delivered today. It is around 70-80 years old, can’t be certain about this but it certainly looks like it could be. We’ve also got our Javanese Ginger Jar, Sulawesi masks and carving and the 4 little Sumatran figures. These are the pieces that make the villa look even more special and unique. I also dropped into the lighting shop to pay for the new lights. To think that I was willing to pay $300 for a light that I got here for $90. It appears to me that I saved around $1000 so yesterdays sweaty, hot, arduous walk down Jalan Andong was worth the toil and hardship that it created. I’m back at the gym again but right now I’m having my 4th coffee for the day. Far too much coffee. I’m buggered but will do a workout in the gym and then have a sauna.

Saturday March 18, 2023

Happy Birthday Finn 23 years ago we were running around in a frenzy trying to prepare for you to arrive in our lives. I had already been around for 48 years and really didn’t know what to expect. Anyway it was a pretty crazy day. Paul was the first family to arrive. It was a special moment having my 2 sons together for the first time. I am so happy that I have that photo of you and him together short hours after you were born. I look at it every day of my life and have a warm feeling seeing the 3 off us together.

Have a joyous day today Finn celebrating yourself. I love you and hope I’ll be around for quite some time to watch your life unfold. Love “The Boss” A.K.A Dad

To Georgie

Hello my darling. I slept in until just after 7 a.m, no walking this morning. I had a shower, blew my nose countless times, got dressed and wandered around to Alchemy where I’m sitting far away from the few other people who are here sneezing and blowing my nose. I wrote a greeting for Finn which I have just sent to him. I started thinking about him and his birthday at 4 a.m when I woke for a while.

I’ll stay quite sedate today I think, the mucous is thickening up and going a darker yellow and my head feels congested, eyes watering and all the general stuff that the immune system does to fight of a flu. From my symptoms it appears that what I have is more like Finn than you although I’m pretty sure it must be the same flu just different manifestations. It’s so nice to wake up and wander around to a cafe to share the morning with other people even if I don’t talk to them. I missed going to Warung Sami with you and Finn last night. That had become quite a tradition, in actual fact I miss us all being together going to the gym and just hanging out. The past 6 weeks have been such a pleasure moment for me even though we had some challenging times. I’m so glad that we talked Finn into coming to Bali with us. Would you consider joining the gym with him so you could go together, we can all go when I get back even though it will only initially be for 4 weeks. Based on recent experiences I think that family activities (that don’t cost and arm and a leg) are really positive. Maybe we could start taking him out on trains and we could go to a country town or Williamstown or any old where for that matter. Could be fun and will continue what we have begun.

I’ll check my temperature when I get back, I feel a bit hotter than usual. Kong has almost finished the wooden structure over the upstairs Balai, it looks great. I didn’t get a chance to ask. Has he ordered the cane blinds and polycarbonate? Hopefully he can finish it today. Purnami was going to get a person to quote on a mosquito net for the Day Bed yesterday but I’m not certain whether that happened. I’ll keep you in the loop.

We really have created a special place here Georgie. We are a great team, you and I.

I’ve almost 100% decided to stay at Outpost on the last 3 days. I went to Tjampuan yesterday but it’s $12o for a shitty room and %140 for a room like Rachel had, too much. Outpost is $80 a night. I’ll have Alchemy as my lounge room and the outdoor kitchen to make my concoctions.

The Nyepi celebrations start tomorrow. Pretty certain that the 2 parts of Penestanan have a procession where they take their Barongs out for a walk. Then on Monday I’m pretty certain that the whole village heads to the beach with their gammon and Barong for the Purification ceremonies. I can’t wait for the Ogeh Ogeh parades, I’ll be running from Penestanan to Ubud like a star struck school boy trying to take it all in. Hopefully I will be over the worst of my cold by then.

You guys will be getting ready to go to Hunter and Barrel. Have a great time and enjoy, celebrate and wish Finn well. At least we had last Sunday to celebrate as a family, is seems so long ago.

General Stuff

I’m on about Day 3 of my flu, I think that it’s more likely to be a flu than a cold. The inflammation is ramping up, the mucous is thickening up and I’ve become somewhat more realistic about getting up at 6 a.m and going on long serious walks, although I did yesterday as well as hitting the gym and the sauna. I slept well last night or it seems that I did. My body needs to rally and support my immune system to fight the virus that is doing it’s work in my body creating mucous to wrap around the little bastards that are proliferating in my cells. If I’m smart I will stay quiet today and not overdo it.

Sunday March 19, 2023

It is now 40 years since I first walked onto the hot tarmac in Denpasar, Bali. Back then the airport was quite small as the tourist boom was only in it’s seminal stages. Allissa was almost 2 and Paul was going on 4 years old. I was 31 and this was my very first trip out of Australia, Melanie was just 24. She had taken the initiative to make the booking and to plan the trip to Bali, an exotic island to the east of Java. I would be kidding myself if I said I remembered  how long we stayed but I have a feeling that it was 2 weeks. Back then even the bus ride from the airport was exciting and a brand new adventure full of strange new smells, sounds and other never before experienced perceptions. 

Our first port of call was the Legian Beach Hotel in what was then the small village of Kuta. We had a a small bungalow on the beach. I recall Bemo Corner, Poppies Lane, the beach and not much else. Bali seemed so exotic, so humid, brand new smells, sounds and sights. Bemos were small trucks that had rickety seats in the back, you hopped in and got our where you needed to paying a nominal fare. 

Our next stop was Ubud and the very exotic and marvellous Hotel Tjampuan which lay just over the small one way bridge just to the west of the Ubud Palace. On the drive north from Kuta we noticed naked people bathing in the subaks (water ways) that ran parallel to the roads. Little did we know that this was their traditional method of bathing after a hard days work. In Jalan Raya Ubud there was a dark, spicy smelling central market, the Royal Palace, Puri Lukisan (Art Museum) and a few shops but not much else. 

We arrived at our hotel and were shown to our room by Karta who was to be our guide and protector. He introduced himself as “Karta with a rolled R, Jimmy Carter, Jakarta”, that stuck with me for 40 years. I went back to Tjampuan several years ago and found him, the young man had morphed into an old man with grey hair and missing teeth, he had no recollection of who I was which I completely understood after all of those long decades. The only restaurant back then was Murni’s Warung just over the single file suspension bridge and perched above the Tjampuan River, if I recall correctly there was a small Warung opposite the hotel. Murni’s is still there but is now surrounded by small shops, massage businesses and such. The bridge is also still there but is in a state of disrepair, the original one way bridge has been replaced by a more modern 2 lane cement bridge that crosses the Tjampuan River which has become one after the Oos and Wos Rivers come together at the Gunung Lebah temple. All of our meals were included during our stay at Hotel Tjampuan, the restaurant area is different now than it was back then, the place we experienced was much more basic. The food on offer was very traditional Balinese cuisine and made a huge impact on my taste buds. We swam in the old pool which I  heard was given to there German artist, Walter Spies as a gift in the 1930s by the heiress Barbara Hutton, it doesn’t get used a lot anymore but it is still there. 

Ubud left it’s mark on me and I have now returned countless times. I now have my own villa about 5 minutes walk from Hotel Tjampuan and the isignificant Gunung Lebah Temple just on the other side of the river at the gateway of my morning walk up the Tjampuan Ridge pathway. The walk up and down takes a little over an hour from the front gate of our villa.

I have just returned from a trip into the centre of Ubud where I religiously go for my weekly haircut and shave, lovingly performed by my Sumatran barber, Indra. The haircut, beard trim, shave, hair wash and head massage take around 45 minutes, such a treat. 

The streets of central Ubud are now filled with gaudy trinket shops, bright clothing stores, Balinese men touting for taxi rides “Yes, Taxi” and countless restaurants offering all sorts of food, not much of it Balinese. A far cry from the unpaved streets of the early 80s. Then there are the tourists, people from around the world who come to Ubud for one or two days to experience the culture of Bali only to find busy streets packed with brightly lit shops full of goods to spend their money on. At least there are still traditional Balinese dance recitals in the grounds of the royal palace with the unique sounds of the gamelan floating out onto Jalan Suweta and Jalan Raya Ubud. But apart from that small concession people wander up and down the main road eating gelato and probably wondering what the big deal about Ubud is. Many may never return having not even begun to scratch the surface of this bountiful cultural heartland.

This is a vastly different world from my village of Penestanan which is but a short 20 minute walk away across the bridge at Tjampuan, it seems like you have stepped back in time by at least a quarter of a decade. As I walked up the hill from Tjampuan to Penestanan the change in ambience is instantly perceptible. It was around 9 p.m. The main road was quiet and dark, a few restaurants still served a handful of people. I immediately felt calm and safe, at home in what has morphed into my second home. The only people who really know about Penestanan are the yoga enthusiasts and vegans who make their way to Zest and Alchemy plus quite a large population of expats from Australia and all around the world. It feels like just right to me, like a pair of really comfortable walking shoes that fit perfectly.

Our final stop back in 1983 was Sanur, a beachside village just a few kilometres from the capital city of Denpasar. Bali left an indelible image on my psyche all those years ago. It was my gentle and somewhat safe  introduction to Asia which fast became my favourite part of the world.

Nyepi

At 4 am this morning I was having trouble sleeping. I started listening to a podcast about Chat GPT and decided to ask it about Nyepi. It gave a pretty good breakdown. I then asked Chat GPT to write a poem about Nyepi in the style that I use on my website garycollier.com.au … it’s called Gary Collier’s Universe and I was pretty knocked out by what came back.

First is the description of Nyepi and then the poem.

Nyepi is the Balinese New Year’s Day, which is celebrated annually according to the Balinese calendar. The day of Nyepi is also known as the “Day of Silence,” as the entire island of Bali shuts down for 24 hours, and everyone is expected to remain inside their homes, not making any noise or light.

The ceremonies that precede Nyepi include the Ogeh-Ogeh parade and purification ceremonies. The Ogeh-Ogeh parade is a colorful procession of large papier-mâché figures that are carried through the streets by local Balinese villagers. The figures are often designed to represent characters from Balinese mythology, such as demons or gods, and are accompanied by traditional music and dance.

The purification ceremonies, also known as the Melasti rituals, are held a few days before Nyepi. These ceremonies involve the purification of sacred objects and the cleansing of the surrounding areas, such as the beaches and rivers. The Balinese believe that by purifying these objects and areas, they can cleanse themselves of negative energy and bring prosperity and good luck in the coming year.

During the silent day of Nyepi, the island of Bali shuts down completely, and all lights are turned off for the entire day and night. People are not allowed to leave their homes or make any noise, including no cooking or lighting fires. The only people who are permitted to be outside are the Pecalang, traditional Balinese security guards who patrol the streets to ensure that no one breaks the rules.

Overall, Nyepi and the ceremonies that precede it are an important part of Balinese culture, emphasizing the importance of purification and inner reflection.

In the universe of Gary Collier,

Where stars blaze with incandescent flame,

And planets pirouette to their own melody,

The cosmos is a sight to behold.

Amidst the endless and uncharted space,

Where galaxies swirl and merge,

Life blossoms in countless forms,

Each unique, yet all intertwined.

The poetry of this universe,

Is inscribed in the very stars,

A symphony of light and sound,

That resounds throughout eternity.

So let us venture on a journey,

To the farthest reaches of space and time,

And uncover the mysteries that lie,

In this cosmic tapestry.

In the billowing nebulae,

Where stars ignite in a blaze of glory,

We behold the promise of a future,

That is bright and overflowing with potential.

And in the fathomless abyss of black holes,

Where time and space succumb to collapse,

We glimpse the enigma of existence,

And the very essence of all things.

For in the universe of Gary Collier,

We witness the splendour of creation,

And the sublime beauty of the cosmos,

In all its boundless and infinite grandeur.

Monday March 20, 2023

For in the universe of Gary Collier,

We witness the splendour of creation,

And the sublime beauty of the cosmos,

In all its boundless and infinite grandeur.

This morning I rose at 2 a.m in anticipation of celebrating melasti with the whole village of Penestanan on the beach in Sanur. I went to bed at 7.30 last night so I wouldn’t be a total write off. Made arrived at about 2.30 and helped me get dressed in my traditional Balinese garb, I feel at home dressing like this. We took off soon after on his scooter and arrived in Penestanan Kaja just before 3. A long line of Lorries lined the main road waiting to be filled with Penestanans to be transported south to the beach.When we arrived at the Kaja banjar I can’t find the words to convey how special it felt for me to be honoured to be a part of this. Made collected his gongs as he was playing in the gamelan throughout the ceremony. We made our way back to the lorry that was going to be transporting the gamelan. The lorry filled up with drums, gongs and musicians. By the time it was my turn to get in it was a bit like some exotic mosh pit filled with stylishly dressed men and boys. I contemplated claustrophobia for a fleeting moment but emptied my head of paranoia pretty quickly. This was such a unique moment in my life, I wasn’t willing to let petty considerations get in the way. The tailgate went up and the convoy took off, the gamelan started playing and I was transported to a heavenly place. The rhythms in Balinese music are so exciting, each player has an integral roll to play. There isn’t any room for improvisation, each part is in the musicians DNA. What is so special is that this skill and the part in the piece of music has been passed down from father to son for generations. The music rises and subsides  like waves crashing on the shore, sometimes  so intense that it sounds like a whole lot of comets coming at you and at others like a school of dolphins gently playing in smooth waters.

The music kept up for the whole trip, the musicians firmly rooted in the lorry with the 2 main drummers perched precariously on the top of the lorry cabin. We drove south through the dark early hours of the morning past brightly lit temples and through villages that had a surprising amount of activity already going on, past ogoh ogoh almost finished and ready for tomorrow nights Nyepi eve parade through the streets of Balinese. Villages. How I love Bali. The beauty, the anarchy, the tradition. This is what keeps Bali familiar and unchanged no matter how many developers build new apartments and condos overlooking ravines and rivers. It is the people, the jungle, the rice paddies, the tradition that grounds Bali and makes it unique and special.

Tuesday March 21, 2023

I am once again in Bali at Nyepi. Today is the eve of the silent day, the ogoh ogoh are ready to embark upon another rampage through the streets and gangs (laneways) of villages all over Bali later today preparing all for a day of silence and contemplation which begins at 6 a.m tomorrow morning and runs until 6 a.m on Thursday when the world will be poised to begin all over again cleansed of evil and all will be filled with optimism and positivity about the coming year.

I am taking this Nyepi business more seriously than I did the new year of the western world. There is something far more genuine and meaningful about the manner in which the Balinese people view Nyepi. I experienced that yesterday morning when I participated in the melasti cleansing ceremony for Penestanan village on the  sea shore at Sanur. Even though I enjoy meeting people from all around the world I have finally embraced the simple fact that it is the Balinese people, their culture, attitude, traditions, and ritual that calls out to me and has called to me like sirens over the past 4 decades.

I made a decision last night to gift Wayan, my masseuse $100 which is bugger all for most people but for both me and her it is a significant gift. Wayan is the breadwinner of the family, her husband does not work and it not only falls upon her to bring home the bickies but to also cook, prepare offerings, think about her Children’s future and often sleep only 2 hours a night. This small offering might make life a bit easier for her, it certainly won’t make it any harder for me.

Georgie surely thinks that I am far too altruistic which may be the case. What she doesn’t realise is that I get a certain pleasure, a satisfaction that scratches an itch that I constantly have to help people in whatever way I possibly can within my own limited means. I just got a glimpse that this has been a purpose in my life, a thread which binds me to something meaningful. Maybe that is my Nyepi gift to myself this year. A far greater awareness of what makes me feel fulfilled and useful.

I have walked this morning, had a swim, a massage and will now pick up a bit of food for tomorrow. The plan is to walk into Ubud and then catch a scooter to ParQ, do a gym session and a sauna and then come home and head off in pursuit of Ogoh Ogoh. Sounds like a lot to fit in but I still have about 5 hours before the festivities begin. I’ve already spoken to Georgie for the day so apart from a quick get together with Purnami I think all will be well in Ubud.

I’ll have a whole day tomorrow to just hang out on my own at Villas Tusk, write, plan, have ideas, eat, listen to music through earphones and generally stay out of everyone’s face. There’s no point in getting stressed about what I could be doing, should be doing etc. The wisest path is to just do what I am doing. Yes, there is so much to get done in life which in itself is a blessing.  It’s all about good planning and timing and to be willing and able to change your mind at the drop of as hat.

I battled to get to ParQ this afternoon to no avail. I tried walking, I tried getting a Gojek scooter, I tried postulating but I finally gave up half way up Jalan Suweta and turned around. See, the thing is that even if I did get there I had only one way of getting back to Penestanan and that was on my feet. It didn’t seem rational to walk one hour there, do a workout, have a sauna and then walk one hour back and spend the night chasing Ogog Ogoh. I gave up! I walked back to Ubud and skulked into Casa Luna where I devoured a Paris Match, an illegal treat but a delicious way to break my self discipline and a Bali coffee. Then I went to the bakery down the road and ordered 2 Salmon and Cream Cheese bagels and 2 croissants …. By now I’d given up even pretending that I was going to stick to my diet. I ate the cream cheese bagel while I spoke to Allissa via WhatsApp.

I’ll backtrack before I come forward. On the way out earlier run the afternoon to Ubud I bought myself a Balinese sarong, hat and sash to wear to the Ogoh Ogoh parade later that evening. I must have been feeling lonely and sad because I also bought a ring and a bracelet from a shop in Jalan Raya Ubud that had a 20% off Nyepi Sale. Can’t feel too guilty about that can I?

Wednesday March 22, 2023

Selamat Hari Raya Nyepi 2023 : A new beginning is a state of mind. Every fleeting moment is a new beginning, a constant flow of creation, never ceasing, with no boundaries. Our actions and those unceasing changes that the universe surprises us with cause a cascade of new possibilities like a river, always flowing but never the same.

When I woke before dawn this morning the world really did feel transformed. Apart from anything else I have the totally new experience of being physically on my own in my Bali villa for the next 24 hours to look forward to. I’m looking at this as a brand new experience, one that offers boundless possibilities of contemplation of past, present and future.

I feel vindicated that I decided to stay in Penestanan last night for the Ogoh Ogoh parade. I did my best to dress in my own Bali style. I love getting dressed up especially when the constraints of age don’t limit what you can look like because of cultural freedom. 

Just before 6 p.m I headed of toward Penestanan Kelod Banjar to search out the seminal stages of the Ogoh Ogoh parade. The streets were almost empty which in itself was a completely fresh experience in Bali. My initial reaction on my arrival was slight disappointment. 

The Penestanan Kelod kids were in the final stages of preparation for the march of their Ogoh Ogoh to Penestanan Kaja. I was already fully aware that the Penestanan Kaja Ogoh Ogoh were far superior, 3 giant demons that I have watched being created for the past 7 weeks. Works of art that I saw finished for the first time 48 hours earlier when I was about to set off for Penestanan’s melasti ceremony in the tiny hours of Monday morning. For a moment I wished that I had ventured into Ubud but my allegiance to Penestanan took precedence over the lure of the glitz of the “big city” extravaganza. This is my village and I yearn to be part of it.

Just as dusk was falling the parade set off with the incredibly cute tiny kids at the front carrying their own tiny ogoh ogoh full of pride and their hearts bursting with joy and excitement. There were about 6 groups each one based on age, the ogoh ogoh increased in size as the age did. We finally arrived at the Kaja Banjar where a huge crowd had assembled, a mix of Penestanians, expats and tourists. The parade had continued on past Cafe Vespa toward the Pura Dalem temple. Things were starting to look more exciting but I have to admit that I still didn’t know what to expect but this looked like the place to put down my roots for now anyway.

This is when I realized that what I had just experienced was the preliminary taste of what was to come. The next onslaught was the young men’s Gamelan. They sat outside the Banjar in a circle and started playing the most incredible, chaotic and beautiful frenzied percussive piece, proud, smiling, well rehearsed, intricate and precise, breathtakingly fast, like a race with the devil on a narrow Balinese road. There must have been about 40 teenage boys coming together as one in a cohesive performance of the most exciting music I had heard for a long time. All I could compare it to is something like John Coltrane’s Ascension. A musical experience to be remembered.

Then the Ogoh Ogoh returned. Each group got a chance to do their darnedest at the crossroads. The young kids were cute getting more daring as their age increased. Then it was time for the big guns. As they carried their Ogoh Ogoh into the crossroads often running at a frenzied pace before coming to a death defying halt and then spinning around like undisciplined whirling dervishes, almost in a trance with no real awareness of the potential damage to spectators and participants alike that was always there. The safety of the crowd was in the hands of the pecalang who pushed the huge bamboo bases with their huge frightening Ogoh Ogoh back into the centre of the road whenever it appeared that countless spectators were about to be crushed but this added to the excitement and I felt safe in the madness. The ogoh ogoh breathed smoke and fire, their eyes were lit up like demented omnipotent demons. They came to life rising up dangerously with ominous threatening potential and then shaking backwards and forwards like out of control berserkers and heralds of armageddon. I’ve seen trance dances and heard of the magic that Bali is famous for, what I was in the midst of was the real thing. Complete abandonment but also full of joy, creativity, imminent danger and fun. It was like being in a huge mosh pit where your only chance of getting out was to submit to the madness.

The parade continued down to the next intersection which is where the road goes toward Sayan. A large group of spectators had assembled there as well and the whole thing happened all over again. The pecalang kept everything away from the brink off destruction but by the looks on their faces they were having as much fun as the participants. The whole time the Gamelan that I talked about earlier was performing close by, moving their bodies and instruments along the route as it travelled through Penestanan. The percussive music was integrated and intertwined with the energy that was being created by the participants and contributed to the total immersed experience to the point where it all seamlessly combined into a single sensory experience.

I’m so pleased that I didn’t give in and go to Ubud. What I experienced last night was a unique and memorable experience that was created for the simple purpose of seeing out the old year and allowing the demons that sometimes threaten Bali to vent their anger, madness and mischief until they were satiated and ready to leave Bali alone for another year so when the gods look down on the island today all will appear peaceful and calm and they will be satisfied that all is well.

Thursday March 23, 2023

My day of silence has turned into night. It’s hard to believe that I got up yesterday morning at 6 a.m. What a strange day it turned out to be. Writing, blogging, eating and creating 2 music tracks. I wouldn’t want too many days like that. I need exercise and I need people, real people with real flesh. I have less than a week left in Bali and only 2 1/2 days left at Villa Tusk, the guests arrive on Saturday and I will be out of my lovely habitat and in a smallish room at Outpost/Hotel Penestanan.

Friday March 24, 2023

Big day yesterday. Gym, sauna, walking, shopping, socializing and planning.

The end of the Bali trip is now in clear sight. The new guests arrive at the villa tomorrow, Komang is painting the feature wall in the downstairs bedroom, Purnami has purchased flowers and I have started to pack. I got up at 4.30 this morning or more precisely woke. I got out of bed at 5.30, got ready and walked with Rachel to Gunung Lebah and then up the Tjampuan Ridge where we had a funny coffee/tea in the bird’s nest.

I’ll write about that later because now I need to keep going.

It is now mid afternoon, I’m exhausted, the skies are alive with angry, sharp and piercing sound sheets of thunder. A bit like a pissed off dog that’s bark is worse than it’s bite. I have just been to the ahi tang Supermarket to buy some power boards and plastic vases and a few other bits and pieces. Supermarkets are the same everywhere, the bill is always surprising and far more than you expected. I’ve also gone to the flower shop and chosen a whole lot of large tropical flowers for the villa. We have guests arriving tomorrow and it’s my last day so I want it to look fantastic in the villa as well as ready and photogenic for some amateur photography for our website and AirBnB page. I also have a couple of stone figures arriving tomorrow for the front entry plus 15 masks for the gang. Komang has been busy today painting feature walls, Georgie is suspicious of the colours that I’m using and has gone as far to say that I’m wrecking the room but I don’t agree and I’m overall pretty happy with the progress so far. The villa is a money pit but it’s looking better and better all of the time and I’m feeling more and more at home. So it’s worth every cent ( or IDR).

Rachel has left for Sideman with Made. Getting up so early this morning was a killer, my feet are throbbing and dawn seems so long ago. Having long days is great but also devastatingly exhausting. I’m not too impressed with my diet today, no regrets no guilt, tomorrow is a new day and I can make up the damage if I choose to. I’ve still got a trip to the gym planned and have more work to do at the villa setting it up for tomorrow. Furniture to move and bits and pieces put together in interesting and different ways.

Saturday March 25, 2023

Today is my final day at our villa for this trip which began on January 31, almost 2 months ago. This has been my longest ever trip to Bali. I’ve felt more a part of the island than ever before although I’ve let myself down as far a learning Bahasa.

What I have realised is that this is how I want to live my life. Getting up at dawn, walking through the jungle, staying fit and healthy, unstressed and happy.

Planning by Product

What do Georgie and I want to have for the rest of our lives. A happy stress free life in which we have the freedom to travel, live where we choose, pursue our creative goals and be fit and healthy, happy with each other and to live a long and fruitful life. Of course there are considerations about Finn and Allissa as well as Kaye and our close friends but this is a broader look at the next 30 years or so. To be quite honest we are doing pretty well overall in the present with our house in Bali and the flexibility that we have created but there are obstacles.

In order to have this life that I have just delineated we first have to take an unbiased look at what barriers exist that stand in the way of achieving it.

From my perspective the biggest stress factor in our lives is the lack of money and the pressure that this puts on us. We still Owe a substantial amount on our house, have no savings

and no current income apart from the rent we get from Villa Tusk And the occasional art sale we make.

I used up whatever savings that I had on my cancer treatment but I do not begrudge this as the gift of life is paramount over everything else.

Georgie and I get along remarkably well and enjoy each others company the majority of the time. Sure there are tense moments from time to time but after almost 30 years together we understand each other well enough to sort these out pretty quickly. The main point of contention is the lack of money.

So there it is. The lack of money is currently the biggest obstacle that exists in the way of us actually achieving our goal as delineated above

So how do we resolve this? What do we need to do to sort this obstacle out so it is a thing of the past. Well there magic, like winning the lottery but I don’t think it’s such a great idea for us to really on this one even though we can keep it open as a “dreamy option”.

There is also the potential to create more properties in Bali to supply an income but even though this is attractive it is fraught with potential pitfalls as a solution to the overall Problem.

So if I was to brawl the obstacle down into smaller parts then maybe it would be clearer.

# First thing would be to pay our house off completely.

# Number 2 would be to work out a way to

Maintain the house and garden so it stays in good condition, rates, insurance, utilities and maintenance are covered. In order to

Do this we will need to look at monetising the house somehow. Possibly the most realistic way to do this is short term rental through platforms like AirBnB but this is also fraught with potholes which need to be confronted and discussed.

# The other possibility is to sell the house, pay off the loan and live in Bali or Red Hill. That’s a bit far fetched but it is a possibility.

The other thing to look at and to take into consideration is that at some point in time Georgie will inherit a significant amount of money which will set her up with security for her “old age”, whether I’m around or not.

Since writing the above I have had a long talk to Georgie. Just before the call I was hit by a realisation that struck me like a bolt of lightning. The solution stands out like dog’s balls, it is so obvious that I was stupid not seeing it earlier. The solution to our “problem” is to inspire Kaye to sell Red Hill and to spit the profits made between Peter and Georgie. The obvious problem is that Kaye and Peter more than likely won’t want to do this but the simple reality is that if they do inherit it years down the track in Kaye’s will they will have to sell it then because there is no way that Georgie and Peter will see eye to eye on the upkeep and use of the property and it will be a nightmare that none of us will want to have to experience. One of the negatives for me is that I will probably lose my pension and my financial independence. If I live 30 more years that will translate to almost $500,000 in today’s terms. But on a positive note chances are that Red Hill is possibly worth $5,000,000 on today’s market and after capital gains tax and costs Georgie might end up with $2,000,000 that if invested might keep us going for the rest of our lives.

The biggest challenge now is putting together a convincing presentation that will be acceptable to all parties and to work hard to get enthusiastic agreement to this idea. The way Georgie and I see it Kaye only goes down to the property a couple of times each year generally to spend time with Peter and Thomas. Chances are she could take them on a holiday somewhere and spend the same time, maybe a yearly family holiday for a week. Maybe this isn’t a viable proposition but maybe everyone could come to Bali and stay in some sort of upmarket place for a week and just be together. On the other hand Peter and family spend several weeks a year at Red Hill but for the rest of the time it’s rented out on AirBnB which pays for the upkeep. Who knows, it might be easier to get agreement than I imagine.

What Georgie and I need to do is to prioritize this project and do a very thorough job ASAP, we need to get outside help in putting it together, accountants, people people who can write/edit proposals etc.

Evening

We’ve set the Villa up, I’ve moved to Hotel Penestanan, the guests have arrived, I’ve been to the gym and sauna, done almost 24,000 steps today and now I’m having a big bowl of Rawon soup at Warung Mendez which is bloody delicious. Purnami and Komang worked like demons today. There was a god almighty downpour of torrential rain at around 2 pm, it hasn’t rained for weeks so it. And as a complete surprise but in many ways it was a godsend because to our dismay out new balai roof leaked, it leaked really badly but it’s repaired now and that’s another future problem that won’t haunt us. It really felt like Team Tusk today. I got a whole lot of styling done as well as a load of photos and videos of all of the new features. I’m So happy with the results.

My time in Bali is coming to an end. I’ve pretty much lost track of time but I’ve just put 2-and 2 together and come up with the fact that it’s March 25, I leave on March 28 so that’s 3 nights and 2 full days ….. shudder. I’m going to miss Bali so much. But on a positive note I will get to have a reunion with Georgie, Allissa and Finn as well as being able to catch up With all of my friends before we head of to Spain and Italy in May.

Sunday March 26, 2023

I woke up at 4.30 am feeling somewhat refreshed after sleeping in an air conditioned room for the very first time in 2 months and possibly longer. My first observation is that my resting heart rate was lower than normal and that my HRV was about 65, which is the highest that it has ever been since I have had my Oura ring to my knowledge.

I did get up, it was obviously still dark but I decided to pack my suitcase and to begin sorting out my bits and pieces in preparation for my departure on Tuesday March 28. I set off for the gym at 6 am, the first person I ran into was Purnami’s Dad Wayan who does security at Hotel Penestanan where I am staying for the Last 3 nights due to the arrival of guests at Villa Tusk. I haven’t planned out what I intend to do over the coming days but it will include purchasing ivermectin, doing a bit of shopping, plans for the villa and lists for Komang including dates on when we have guests, gym, sauna and massage, eating, walks and a trip to visit Made at His antique shop Plus a meal at Warung Kayana on Monday.

Then it’s back to Melbourne to see family, friends and to work on preparing for Europe as well as doing marketing for the villa and a proposal to Georgie’s family about Red Hill plus of course spending time with Finn and Allissa. I’ve got a pretty full life and to be frank I wouldn’t want it any other way. 

This current trip to Bali has opened my eyes by to envision what I want the rest of my life to be like, meeting new and interesting people, creating a fit and healthy body that is more than capable of getting me through the coming decades, writing, creating and generally being happy and as stress free as is possible plus a decent dose of adventure and travel thrown in for good measure. I also have to prepare myself spiritually for whatever comes next and the anticipation of this Moment as it looks closer.

I also have a mission and responsibility to stay abreast of the coming storm that is ominously being prepared by the proponents of the brave new world type society that is coming and to understand the influential, powerful and monied people who possibly believe that their plans are for the overall good of mankind. The civilisation of our nightmares is just years away, we are already on the road towards it albeit with blinkers on but fully knowing that it is coming. Covid has shown that many will

Embrace it and to that degree it will become the desirable mainstream norm. But is being aware of the seminal beginnings and what is to come really enough, should I be doing something about it? We are as a species on our way to some sort of destruction yet we approach it like lemmings. What to do!

I’ve had a big day. It’s funny how being in a small room smack bang in the middle of Penestanan changes the whole Bali experience. I came back from Parq at about 10 am, met up with PURNAMI. I also met our guests, nice family from Tel Aviv. I’ve lost a bit of the flow today but I do know that I organised ivermectin from the chemist in Canggu and it was delivered. I also had 2 very intense massages with Wayan. Body and reflexology. Allissa rang toward the end of the reflexology which took my attention off the pain for a while. After that I went back to my little room and picked up my computer, changed $50 at a really shitty weekend rate and hopped on the back of a scooter and went to Warung Kayana for my last supper of pork ribs and Sam sam. It cost $10, Finn told me that the large ribs at Eastland is $60. Shit, I won’t be having that too soon. I thought it might be fun to come to Zest after Kayana. Meat paradise to vegan hang out, quite a dichotomy. I stupidly had a desert of cacao and coconut cream and a large coffee, far too much over indulgence. I’ll suffer in silence. There’s no-one to feel sorry for me anyway and I don’t want to fess up to being a greedy guts. I’ll head back to my solitude soon and decide what I do with myself for the rest of the night.

Monday March 27, 2023

I’m still on the waking up early roll, maybe it’s the air conditioning at Outpost, it seems that this has influenced my deep sleep but on the other hand I wake up with cold bones. So this morning it was 5 a.m. I ruminated about going for a walk, I thought about going to the gym but in the end I capitulated and packed a bit more of my bag and now I’m sitting in the shared kitchen making myself a super bullet proof coffee.

I have a full day ahead of me and I’m sure I can fill it with exercise, massage, shopping, planning and socialising.

My over indulgence in carbohydrate has to come to an end, it going to be back to a ketogenic diet for the next month plus I’ll have the challenge of getting Finn onto the same diet, which won’t be easy.

There will be an abundance of jobs to get done when I get back to Melbourne as well as planning for our European sojourn. I’ll get over Bali and there is also the knowledge that we will be returning in late August for 2 months. 

The thing that I need to get my head around at this stage of my life is that there is no need to get stressed or rush with anything in particular, it’s about letting go and just being in the moment. The old habit patterns that are still running like software in the background need to be optimised, defragmented and to some degree deleted. All that matters is health, fitness, maintenance, communication, creativity and happiness.

I went for a walk into Ubud last night, some weird compulsion to do some last minute shopping and to just see if anything was going on. The standout moment was when I walked into Casa Luna at about 8 p.m and saw the band that play there on Sunday nights. Boy, have I missed something special over the past 2 months. This is going to have to become a Sunday night ritual when we come back to Bali later in the year.

The other project that has to be given some sort of urgent priority is learning how to speak Bahasa. This will enhance our relationship with the Balinese people that we interact with. I could kick myself in the ass for not having learned a lot more by now. It’s just been laziness and a sense of “superiority syndrome” and entitlement.

Tuesday March 28, 2023

For in the universe of Gary Collier,

We witness the splendour of creation,

And the sublime beauty of the cosmos,

In all its boundless and infinite grandeur.

 

Wednesday March 29, 2023

Thursday March 30, 2023

I just lost all the words I wrote yesterday. It doesn’t matter because I’m playing a game to accept loss and let things go. It’s amazing how much angst one can create when they lose something that is seemingly important to them and well worth the effort to simply get over it. Life goes on with or without trinkets, memories, words and thoughts, even people who you love or have just had a fleeting experience with.

What matters is now and how I am reacting to that which is happening right now in the physical universe, my mind, my brain and my anticipation of what I’m going to do next.

My body clock is compromised. I am still on Bali time and to be honest I am happy with that for now. In 4 short weeks I will need to be operating on European time which is a whole different ball game. I woke at 8.30 this morning which is equivalent to 5.30 in Bali. The difference is that even though it is still dark in Bali the sun is just about to rise and the air is mild and 100% bearable, even the sounds of life that start pre-dawn are comforting for me. I just mentioned to Georgie that I have realized that the silence that is so close to her heart  when in Mooroolbark is anathema to me. I love the sounds of the roosters, the rain, the insects, the river …. even the scooters and chatter. I also love the proximity of everything. Maybe that’s what I never realized before, inner city living is in my DNA from when I was a young child, growing up in Hawthorn and East Prahran with the sounds of the neighbours

Friday March 31, 2023

Melbourne is still cold, it feels waterlogged not like Bali where the rain falls like the gods are weeping buckets of tears and then all is well and the tears dry up within an hour but like a pair of runners that got dipped in water and soaked for an hour and are still wet after a week.

I’m not going to kid myself, this weather doesn’t make life conducive to walking and roaming around in the great outdoors.

Georgie and I drove to Brunswick late yesterday to pick up some parts for the DJI Pocket Camera that I got as a birthday gift in February 2019. Thank goodness that the parts are still available, maybe I need to buy more just in case they run out and are never produced again. Bloody technology moves so fast these days that the latest and greatest becomes antiquated before you can poke a stick at it.

After this we drove across town to spend some time with Allissa in Swan St which was fabulous but we drove for 3 hours in all, the flight back from Bali only took 4 hours. We live so far away from the inner city where all of the people who I like to mingle with live.

The big tasks for today are going to the gym with Finn and shopping for the food for the birthday lunch for Kaye on Saturday. I’m doing it mainly for Finn, the last thing I want to do is to spend hours roaming around finding food and then cooking it. Oh well, that’s part of the privilege of being a father and I know Finn is going to get a big kick out of it.

I also need to get in touch with Rachel so we can have our online session about writing plus I need to do the cancer interview with Finn for the people in the U.S.

The other thing that needs looking at is a marketing campaign for Villa Tusk. I can start with creating a video and YouTube clip with it’s own music as well as choose the first platform that we will have it on apart from AirBnB plus I need to find an app that can co-ordinate bookings.

A note to Lynne Fox – Hi Lynne I’m great. I loved being in Bali so much for 2 months. Back in Melbourne for 4 weeks and then we head off to Spain and Italy (on a shoe string budget but what the hell) then back to Bali in late August for 2 months. I’m in love with life at the moment and feeling very objective to all the little shitty things and stresses that are so easy to create. I’m always up for a chat or a text or whatever if you need a “terminal” (whoops Scn Lingo). Hey. I love Rosie with a passion, she’s such a great person and has been really in great communication but I went a bit weird on Gary last November and tried talking to him about it. I told him (amongst other things) that he made me feel like I had “soup on my tie” to try to get a bit of  rapport going to talk about issues I had but he sort of turned it around and made it worse. I only saw him once when we first got to Bali in early February and decided that I didn’t want to really pursue the friendship but at the same time I really want to be good mates with Rosie and so does Georgie, as I said we both love her. I remember that you mentioned that you weren’t a huge fan of Gary. I reckon he has a few traits of our favourite tone scale position …. 1.1 as I’m not all that easy to introvert but he can do it to me. Any advice or observations? I don’t want to get into a natter session but would love some feedback because I need to have a strategy in place for August when we return. You’re a great a special person Lynne and I love having you as a friend. Gary

Saturday April 1, 2023

The days, the weeks, the months and the years roll on like a cannon ball rolling down a hill unhindered by any obstacles or barriers. I’m OK with this, I have to be as there is absolutely nothing that I can do about the passing of time. What I can do is to keep my body in the best condition possible, my brain well supplied with the nutrients that it needs and as little inflammation as is possible and most importantly stay open to new possibilities, challenges and projects.

April 1 is a more significant date for me than easter is for some reason, maybe because there was always the challenge of coming up with some prank to trick somebody but let’s face it, I was never really good at it mainly because the idea of deceiving people was never really one of my stronger traits. Maybe April 1 just signifies that the year is now well underway a bit like the arrival of the first weekend on a 3 week holiday is a sign that the holiday is now underway and that it will certainly end at some point. But none of this really matters because dates, time and considerations about these phenomena are just significances that do nothing to take away the need to simply create each single moment.

Today is Kaye’s 85th birthday. By all appearances she is doing well and appears to be strong and healthy. Finn and I have been tasked with cooking the meal for her birthday dinner which we will throughout the day.

It is still morning, crows and cockatoos are squawking outside but apart from that all I can hear in our extremely quite house is the ticking clock, the sound of my fingers bashing the keyboard and the ringing in my own ears from wearing earphones every night in bed and the countless hours of loud music that I have subjected myself to throughout my life.

The other task I have today is to find some appropriate gifts for my niece Claire who is having her baby shower tomorrow in a park somewhere in Melbourne. It will be a chance to see her and Will and thank them for caring for our house while we were in Bali as well as a general flow towards them.

The world of the outer eastern suburbs of Melbourne is a far cry from Penestanan. Living close to the equator seems to be a far more salubrious existence, a combo of sun and rain that somehow dances and interacts together in perfect synchronisation.

Whichever way I look at it, this is my life and what I create of it is my own doing.

Sunday April 2, 2023

Yesterday seems a long. Long time ago. We celebrated Kaye’s 85th birthday. What a twist of fate, being born on April Fool’s Day 1938 as the world breathed easy in the months before the beginning of WWII. A babe in arms as the world pummelled the shit out of itself for some nefarious reasons that made no sense then as they make no sense today as Russia and Ukraine, plus Europe and America kill off another generation of young men and innocent civilians.

Finn and I shopped, planned and cooked all morning making vegetable dishes and roast lamb half prepared at home and finished off in Kaye’s kitchen just before we ate. It was delicious but more importantly she really appreciated the food and the effort that went into creating it.

Monday April 3, 2023

So every day, every hour, every minute, every second, gotta reinvent

Love life to the limit, gotta give it my all and leave nothin’ spent

Reality shifts, I can’t get lost in the time warp

Gotta stay grounded, gotta be alert

That is a collaboration between myself and CHAT GPT. Life moves on as does technology and I’m going to get the best out of both of them.

I had what could be called a family reunion yesterday. Claire had a baby shower and unbeknownst to me both my sisters, their husbands and most of my nieces and nephews were there, what a pleasant surprise that was. The other good thing that happened later on was that Georgie, Finn and I all went for a big walk together, almost 80 minutes. We stopped of at the BBQ joint near 5 Ways where George ate a hamburger and Finn had a big cider. Great moment.

I’m happy with our Sunday and I’m even happier with our weekend.

Tuesday April 4, 2023

My sleep is way out of whack since I have returned from Bali. I have been waking up at 9.30 am and going to bed at about midnight. At this stage of the game I’m not going to go into a flap although in the not too distant future I will need to re-assess my bedtime, eating times and such. We live in a house that goes to bed late and wakes up late, exactly the same sleep time as in Bali but just cranked around to the right a bit. The only negative is that when I do finally drag myself out of bed I tend to have the illusion of aching bones which may be happening because of the intensity of my daily gym workout and walk. The walking distances have diminished, I’m not having saunas and I’m still eating too many carbs.

It’s now 5.30 p.m in the afternoon. We went to visit our accountant, Leon today. Now that we are winding down our finances it is certainly a lot more of a stress free experience compared to what it was like back when we were in the thick of things. We set out at 11.30 so the whole trip including a walk along the foreshore at Middle Brighton took 6 hours. As I said to Georgie, it seems that we have been driving constantly since I arrived back last Tuesday night. Yes, it’s a week since we arrived back home. That went quick!

Bookings are going well at Villa Tusk, I’ve put some new images online and a new slogan. A lot more work is needed but I’ve made a start.

I’m waiting for Finn now to get ready to go to the gym. I’d happily not even go today but if there is the slightest chance of him coming and doing a workout I’m quite happy to sacrifice my own desire to relax in a warm bath so that he can get a workout in. Part of my overall responsibility. Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Wouldn’t it be absolutely wonderful if I won Tattslotto tonight, $20,000,000 would go a long way toward a fabulous 30 years or so. The amount of stress that would be bypassed is huge and I could also make other people’s lives into fairytales. Wouldn’t it be lovely!!

It’s about 26 days until we leave for Barcelona and the rest of our European sojourn. I must admit that I am quite excited about the trip, adventure, journey and whatever happens along the way. Georgie has been planning furiously for the past few months, she’s pretty much got the accommodation under control and is now looking at planes, trains and automobiles.

Time to harass Finn.

Wednesday April 5, 2023

It’s Easter in 2 days. My first thought just then was from way back in what was probably 1965. I went to Waratah Bay with my friend Mike Hirst and his Dad, this may have been the first time in my life that I went camping. I’d be kidding you if I said I remembered too much about this. I know that I saw a photograph once and this is possibly the strongest image that I have of that trip. In the years that followed we spent days, if not weeks at Waratah Bay camping with the boys and going through the rituals of  growing up. One of my only points of reference is seeing the 1964 movie “The Long Ships” at the hall in Sandy Point. It’s a big mish mash and I would have to sit with my friends and discuss timelines to work any of this stuff out so it made sense. For now, I know it happened and it was an important part of my live. By the way, going back to the Easter trip almost 60 years ago one thing I do remember is that it was cold, a bit like it is today.

I just shared a story with Georgie about Finn and I last night at the Supermarket after we had gone to the gym and done a quick workout. I tend to walk quite fast, Finn was walking behind me and said “Hey Boss, the fast walking 70 year old Gary Collier, most 70 year olds hobble along like old men, I’ve got to keep up with you!” The other good news is that we ran into Jared, the personal trainer who I did some work with before we left for Bali. Finn also went to the same school as he did. He runs a class on Tuesdays between 6-7. I must admit I was watching some of the stuff they were doing and cringing at the thought of doing such a strenuous workout. Well, we put our foot into it and have agreed to turn up next week for a session. I’ll be a wreck after that for sure.

I spoke to Allissa while I was at the gym. She’s talking about catching a plane up to Sydney before Easter and then driving back down to ConFest on the Murray River with her friend Rosco. There you go, my 41 year old daughter is still living the alternative lifestyle that she grew up with.

Thursday April 6, 2023

Georgie and I are at Red Hill. I got up earlier here, maybe because I was able to light a fire and have a bit of pre-winter warmth. This makes a big difference to me in the morning. It’s 8 a.m now, I’ve been awake for the past 30 minutes, the fire fire is roaring already and I’m knocking back a cup of bullet proof coffee. The property is covered with mist, looking out over the old disabled tennis court doesn’t look too conducive to a country walk but that’s what will happen when Georgie finally gets out of bed.

I don’t really have any great aspirations for today apart from touching base with Finn and Allissa and going on a decent walk with Georgie a bit later in the morning, also we need to go down to the fish shop in the Dromana Factory Estate and buy some supplies for later today and tomorrow as well as making a plan for the next 3 weeks. Kaye is arriving at some stage probably in the late afternoon but she might surprise us and get here a bit earlier. 

I just had a vague memory of coming out into the dining room when Buster was pottering around making tea sometime in the distant past, it was a bit more daunting back then, we were definitely here as guests … not equals.

I have a feeling that I am going to need to work even harder to attain the level of fitness and the body that I want to grow old with. I’m so bloody vain these days that the idea of looking like an old man is completely abhorrent.

I’m really missing the mildly warm and gentle Balinese mornings where it’s so easy to bound out of bed and head off on a big jungle trek within minutes of waking up. Walking through Penestanan as the sun rises and then down past the school and up past the Gunung Lebah Temple is a pure joy.

I listened to a podcast sometime in the night which explored the possibilities of what AI is going to mean to human kind. The speculation is that by 2050 AI will be 1000 times more intelligent than Einstein. That’s pretty daunting. In recent times CHAT GPT has garnered 100,000,000 subscribers in a matter of months and we are still in the toddler stages. Einsteins IQ was around 160, a moron’s IQ is said to be 70 and the smartest man who ever lived had an IQ of 210. That sort of puts things into a frightening perspective. If Einstein was able to come up with all of his hypotheses with that level of intelligence it is beyond imagination what will be possible within the next 25 years. I don’t really believe that mankind is ready for this huge jump in technology. But what the fuck, I’m going to make the most of it.

I’m currently “editing” the notes that I made during my cancer experience. The idea that lurks in the background is that I really want to write a book about the experience, what I did, what I thought, a day by day blow of finding out that I had cancer and what I did to defeat it. It is a huge job.

Note to Rachel

Hi Rachel I’m assuming you are back in Joshua Tree. I arrived back in Australia a bit over a week ago. Damn, I miss Bali so much but at the same time it’s wonderful to be back home with Georgie. How was the rest of your Bali experience? I’d love to touch base before we leave for Europe to talk about writing, I’m plodding through my notes a bit each day. Can you let me know if and when a chat will work for you?

Friday April 7, 2023

I am trying to get into the ritual that I was born into and observe Good Friday as a religious observance but not being a Christian or really having much time for the Christian/Catholic Church the best I can do is to listen to some medieval chants. I must admit, these chants do add some sort of ambience to the occasion. 

I recall as a young boy in East Prahran being fascinated with Hollywood black and white movies based on the life of Jesus which always ended up with the crucifixion. Maybe it was just the historical aspect of it all that appealed to me. I even think that I thought hot cross buns had some religious significance. It’s certainly a far cry from the pragmatism of a Balinese religious ceremony or ritual. 

Enough of that, I’m not a Christian and never really have been but I found that while in Bali during Nyepi I actually enjoyed the drama and ceremonial observance that took place. Maybe it was the whole community aspect and involvement that appealed to me. Scientology was bereft of ritual so I missed out there as well.

We are sitting around the round wooden table at Red Hill …. Kaye, Gary and Georgie drinking coffee and tea with the contentious Christian chant playing in the background. It rained last night, the day is cold but not as cold as anticipated.

Saturday April 8, 2023

I’m going into Europe mode a bit more each day. We leave in around 3 weeks and even though there isn’t a lot to do before we leave a bit of good planning won’t go astray. This morning I started thinking about planning my sleep on the plane trip. The first thing that I plan on doing is to put my clock on Barcelona time, maybe even the day before we leave and to plan out my sleeping arrangements on the flight and on the stopover in Doha and then of course there is food and intermittent fasting. All of this will be important to have under control as we will be leaving in what is the early morning hours in Europe when I should be asleep so the trick is going to be to get up super early on the day we leave and then sleep on the plane for the first 8 hours. First thing I need to do is to get the flight times and schedule from Georgie this morning.

We arrived home in time for Finn and I to go for a walk last night. Today it’s off to the gym and a walk later on plus buying a bit of food.

Tips to try to prepare for our flight to Barcelona

In the week leading up to the flight go to sleep 30 minutes later each night. I currently go to sleep at around 11.30 Melbourne time so here’s the schedule.

23/4 12 midnight

24/4 – Monday 12.30 a.m

25/4 – Tuesday 1.00 a.m

26/4 – Wednesday 1.30 a.m

27/4 – Thursday 2.00 a.m

28/4 – Friday 2.30 a.m

29/4 – Saturday 3.00 a.m

30/4 -Sunday 3.30 a.m – This is 6.30 p.m in Barcelona

First thing to do when we get to the airport and on the plane is to change the clock and assume at it is approx 12 noon

When we arrive in Barcelona it will be around 2.30 p.m which will be 11.30 p.m in Melbourne, Australia. This means that it will take about 26 hours to get there!

The thing I need to work out is when to eat our last meal in Melbourne. Maybe 10 p.m on the night before we leave with a bullet proof coffee on the way to the airport.

If we leave at 9 p.m it will be around 1 p.m in Barcelona which means that going to sleep after 7 hours in the air will be a good solution, if we can get to sleep at 8 p.m Barcelona time and then wake at 3 a.m (Barcelona) and then stay awake for the rest of the trip we should be OK.

We won’t need to eat until we have been on the plane for at least 8 hours. After waking up we should drink water, walk around the plane and then eat a light meal (breakfast) at what will be about 10 a.m Barcelona time. 

We should eat lunch 4 hours later which might be when we are in Dohar .

What time do we arrive in Dohar and how long do we stay there?

How long is the flight, including the stopover in Dohar?

When we arrive in Barcelona it will be mid afternoon. Joe will pick us up and take us to the hotel. We should go for a long walk almost immediately and get as much exercise and sunlight as possible. 

I reckon we should finish eating at 7 p.m Barcelona time and get to bed by about 10 p.m and get up the next morning at 6 a.m and immediately go for a walk to get as much sunlight as is humanly possible.

We need to buy eye covers, blow up pillows, wear noise reducing earphones, take Melatonin and be dressed comfortably.

I need to work out what food to take on the plane. “Breakfast” and “Lunch”.

https://dohahamadairport.com/dine

https://dohahamadairport.com/airport-guide/at-the-airport/transfers

https://oryxairporthotel.com/en/OryxAirportHotel/Vitality

Sunday April 9, 2023

I had a rude awakening yesterday morning after getting out of a very full , hot and long bath. I got out of the bath and felt like I was going to faint, even though this was a horribly unpleasant feeling I wasn’t concerned as much as I should have been mainly due to the fact that I had never officially fainted. To be honest I didn’t know what to do so I started breathing deeply which didn’t seem to do anything but I thought that if I could get some oxygen to my brain than I might come good.

I didn’t.

I was sitting on our solid wooden stool in the bathroom struggling with my out of control body. I called out to Georgie, just her name but in a feeble, half hearted manner that had absolutely no urgency. The next thing that I am aware of was her panicked voice calling “Gazza”. Unbeknownst to me I had gone unconscious and fallen off my perch and landed very unceremioniuosly on the cold slate tiles. She came rushing in and all I could think of was that I had fallen asleep and dropped to the floor. It took a few seconds to put 2 and 2 together and realise that I had fainted. Georgie helped me to lay on my back on the cold tiles which felt so bloody comforting and grounded that I just wanted to stay there in that position for as long as possible. I closed my eyes and stretched out not giving too much of a damn about anything. All I could think off was that this felt good. 

All sorts of thoughts come up when something like this happens. It is frightening in its own way, too easy to blame the catalyst which in this case was the hot bath. Something is underlying this, a bit like when I was getting dizzy before I got diagnosed with cancer. 

I did a big interaction with Chat GPT in regard to this “situation”, here it is.

This is a medical question. Yesterday I fainted after stepping out of a very hot and long bath. I was only unconscious for a second but I feel that there is more underlying cause for this happening. Lately I have been feeling light headed and occasionally get buzzy flashes that feel like tiny space ships rushing through my brain. I am taking 1-2 teaspoons of salt a day because I am on a low carb diet but even today I feel light headed and wonky. I am 71 years old, fit, lean and overall healthy. I recently have recovered from squamous cell carcinoma, a cancer that manifested in my lymph node. I had PETSCAN in January that pronounced that I was cancer free. I wear bluetooth earbuds

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I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been experiencing these symptoms. Fainting or syncope can have many potential causes, ranging from benign to more serious conditions. Given your age and medical history, it would be prudent to seek medical attention and have a thorough evaluation.

The symptoms you’ve described, including lightheadedness and buzzing sensations, can be associated with various medical conditions, such as cardiovascular disorders, metabolic imbalances, neurological disorders, and medication side effects. It is possible that your low-carb diet and salt intake may be contributing to your symptoms, but it’s important to rule out other potential causes as well.

I would recommend that you schedule an appointment with your primary care physician or a specialist, such as a neurologist or cardiologist, to have a comprehensive evaluation. They may perform a physical exam, take your medical history, and order tests, such as blood work, imaging studies, or cardiac testing, to help identify the underlying cause of your symptoms.

In the meantime, it may be helpful to avoid activities that could trigger syncope, such as hot baths, standing up quickly, or prolonged periods of standing or sitting. Also, make sure to stay well-hydrated and to eat a well-balanced diet that meets your nutritional needs.

Please take care and seek medical attention as soon as possible.

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My blood pressure is 79/119 which is normal. My percentage SpO is 97 and resting heart rate is 63. I have been having regular 80 degree celsius saunas for the past 2 months, almost every second day, sometimes every day and have stayed in for 3 sessions up to one hour and sweated profusely, I have also just returned from Bali where I have walked an average of 15000 steps a day in hot and humid conditions and have sweated profusely every day. Would any of this potentially contribute to my light headedness.

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It is possible that your recent activities, such as frequent sauna use and prolonged exposure to hot and humid conditions, could be contributing to your symptoms of lightheadedness. Prolonged exposure to high temperatures can cause dehydration, which can lead to decreased blood volume and blood pressure, and potentially contribute to syncope or fainting.

Additionally, the use of saunas can cause vasodilation (widening of blood vessels), which can also lead to decreased blood pressure and lightheadedness. While sauna use can have many potential health benefits, it’s important to use them in moderation and to stay well-hydrated.

However, it’s important to note that there may be other underlying causes of your symptoms, and a thorough evaluation by a healthcare provider is recommended to rule out any other potential causes.

It’s also worth noting that your blood pressure reading of 79/119 is not within the normal range, as normal blood pressure readings are typically less than 120/80 mmHg. While your reading is not extremely high, it is worth discussing with your healthcare provider to ensure that it is properly managed.

Overall, it’s important to stay well-hydrated and to avoid prolonged exposure to high temperatures, especially if you are experiencing symptoms of lightheadedness. I would recommend scheduling an appointment with your healthcare provider to discuss your symptoms and any potential underlying causes.

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I made a mistake. My blood pressure is 119/79 not the other way around.

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Thank you for clarifying that your blood pressure reading is actually 119/79, which is within the normal range. That being said, it’s still important to monitor your blood pressure regularly and discuss any concerns with your healthcare provider.

In terms of your lightheadedness, it’s possible that the recent activities you mentioned, such as frequent sauna use and exposure to hot and humid conditions, could still be contributing factors. Dehydration and vasodilation can still occur, even with normal blood pressure readings.

However, there could be other underlying causes of your symptoms, such as medication side effects or underlying medical conditions. It’s best to discuss your symptoms with your healthcare provider to rule out any potential concerns.

In the meantime, continue to stay well-hydrated and be mindful of activities that may trigger lightheadedness, such as sudden changes in position or prolonged exposure to high temperatures. If you experience any concerning symptoms, such as chest pain or difficulty breathing, seek medical attention immediately.

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I am taking 240 mg of melatonin every night. I have been taking this for over a year as a medication to prevent and combat cancer.

I’m sorry, but I must inform you that taking 240 mg of melatonin every night is an extremely high dose and is not recommended. The usual recommended dose of melatonin for adults is 1-5 mg per day, taken before bedtime to help regulate the sleep-wake cycle.

While melatonin is generally considered safe in the recommended doses, taking such a high dose could lead to side effects, including dizziness, headaches, nausea, and daytime sleepiness. There is also limited evidence to support the use of melatonin as a cancer prevention or treatment strategy.

It’s important to discuss your use of melatonin with your healthcare provider, especially given your recent history of cancer. Your healthcare provider can advise you on the appropriate use of melatonin or other medications or supplements to help manage your cancer risk.

In the meantime, I strongly recommend that you do not continue taking such a high dose of melatonin without first consulting with your healthcare provider. They may be able to recommend alternative strategies to help you manage your cancer risk or other health concerns.

I have also been doing resistance training at the gym over the past 3 months. I do every day or at least every second day and do a basic workout to attempt to increase my muscle mass. In recent times my muscle mass has increased by 2.5% and my body fat has decreased by 2.5%

It’s great to hear that you’ve been incorporating resistance training into your routine and have seen improvements in your muscle mass and body fat percentage. Resistance training can have many potential health benefits, including increased muscle strength and endurance, improved bone density, and a decreased risk of chronic diseases.

However, it’s important to make sure that your training routine is safe and effective. Working out every day or every other day without proper rest and recovery can lead to overtraining and increased risk of injury. It’s generally recommended to have at least one rest day per week and to vary your workouts to target different muscle groups.

Additionally, it’s important to ensure that you are using proper form and technique during your workouts to minimize the risk of injury. It’s also important to gradually increase the weight or resistance used in your workouts to avoid sudden increases in stress on your muscles and joints.

If you are new to resistance training or have any underlying medical conditions, it’s a good idea to work with a qualified fitness professional or healthcare provider to develop a safe and effective workout plan. They can also help you monitor your progress and make any necessary adjustments to your routine.

Overall, resistance training can be a great way to improve your overall health and fitness, but it’s important to approach it in a safe and effective manner.

Based on the data I have supplied would it be OK to go for a long walk today or do a workout at the gym?

Based on the information you’ve provided, it appears that your vital signs (blood pressure, heart rate, and oxygen saturation) are within normal ranges. However, if you are still experiencing lightheadedness, buzzy flashes, or any other concerning symptoms, it may be best to avoid intense exercise until you’ve had a chance to speak with your healthcare provider.

If you feel well enough to exercise, a long walk or a moderate workout at the gym may be appropriate. Just be sure to listen to your body and avoid overexertion. Remember to stay hydrated and take breaks as needed.

It’s always a good idea to consult with your healthcare provider before starting or changing your exercise routine, especially if you have any underlying medical conditions or concerns. They can provide personalized guidance and help you determine what level of activity is safe and appropriate for you.

I have been wearing bluetooth earbuds at night when I sleep. I listen to podcasts and go to sleep with them still going, some nights I spend half of my sleeping time with a podcast playing in my ears. Can this have an adverse effect on my health or the quality of my sleep.

Wearing bluetooth earbuds at night and listening to podcasts while sleeping may have some potential drawbacks that can affect the quality of your sleep and overall health.

Firstly, listening to sounds or voices while sleeping can disrupt the natural sleep cycle, particularly during the stages of deep sleep, which is crucial for physical restoration and brain recovery. Continuous auditory stimulation can also increase the time it takes to fall asleep and reduce the total amount of sleep, leading to feelings of fatigue and irritability the next day.

Additionally, using earbuds for extended periods of time can increase the risk of developing ear infections, particularly if they are not cleaned regularly. Wearing earbuds for prolonged periods of time can also contribute to earwax build-up, which can affect hearing and cause discomfort.

Furthermore, some research suggests that exposure to electromagnetic radiation from wireless devices such as Bluetooth earbuds may have negative health effects, although the evidence is still inconclusive.

In summary, it’s generally not recommended to use Bluetooth earbuds while sleeping, particularly for extended periods of time. If you need to listen to something before sleep, it may be better to use a traditional radio, white noise machine, or speaker instead of wearing earbuds. It’s also a good idea to practice good hygiene and regularly clean the earbuds to reduce the risk of infection.

My plan is to stop taking melatonin, stop wearing blue tooth earbuds all night, take in more water and salt, eat a well balanced diet and rest more than I normally do. I will make an appointment with my GP and do any appropriate tests that he recommends. What do you think?

It sounds like you have a good plan in place to address the concerns you’ve mentioned. Stopping the use of melatonin and reducing your exposure to Bluetooth earbuds at night are both positive steps that may help improve your sleep quality and overall health.

Ensuring that you’re adequately hydrated and getting enough electrolytes (such as salt) through your diet is also important, particularly if you’ve been experiencing lightheadedness and other symptoms. Eating a well-balanced diet with a variety of nutrient-rich foods can provide the vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients your body needs to function optimally.

Finally, making an appointment with your GP to discuss your symptoms and undergo any recommended tests is an excellent idea. Your doctor can provide personalized guidance and help you determine the underlying cause of your symptoms, if any.

Overall, it’s great that you’re taking proactive steps to address your health concerns and improve your overall well-being. Remember to listen to your body, prioritize rest and self-care, and seek medical attention if needed.

Can we just look more in detail at the potential symptoms of taking 240 mg of melatonin every night for over one year.

While melatonin is generally considered safe when taken at recommended doses, taking large amounts of melatonin over an extended period of time can lead to potential side effects, such as:

  1. Sleep disturbance: Surprisingly, taking too much melatonin can actually cause sleep disturbances, such as difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, vivid dreams, or nightmares.
  2. Daytime drowsiness: Taking high doses of melatonin can also cause daytime drowsiness or fatigue, making it difficult to stay alert or focus during the day.
  3. Headaches: Some people may experience headaches as a side effect of taking melatonin, particularly if they take high doses.
  4. Nausea and dizziness: Taking too much melatonin may also cause nausea or dizziness in some people.
  5. Hormonal imbalances: Melatonin is a hormone that regulates the body’s sleep-wake cycle, and taking large amounts of it over an extended period may interfere with other hormones, such as testosterone, estrogen, and cortisol.
  6. Depression: Some studies have suggested that taking high doses of melatonin over a long period may increase the risk of depression, although more research is needed to confirm this association.
  7. Increased risk of seizures: In rare cases, taking high doses of melatonin has been associated with an increased risk of seizures, particularly in people with a history of seizure disorders.

It’s important to note that these side effects are generally associated with high doses of melatonin over an extended period, and most people who take melatonin at recommended doses do not experience these symptoms. Nonetheless, it’s important to speak with a healthcare professional before taking any supplements, including melatonin, especially if you have any underlying health conditions or are taking other medications.

The other thing is that I suffer from peripheral neuropathy. This manifests in my feet which are quite numb and feel dry and I also get burning sensations after walking considerable distances. I believe that my nervous system was damaged by an alcoholism over a long period. I was drinking a 750 ml bottle of vodka eery day although I have had absolutely no alcohol for 4 years and have reversed my negative lifestyle, normalized my blood sugar and lost 30 kg. At times I feel strange sensations in my body that lead me to believe that my nervous system is compromised and maybe unrepairable. Can you recommend anything.

Peripheral neuropathy is a condition that results from damage to the peripheral nerves, which can be caused by a variety of factors, including alcoholism. While nerve damage can be irreversible in some cases, there are still steps you can take to manage your symptoms and potentially slow the progression of the condition.

Here are a few recommendations:

  1. Maintain a healthy lifestyle: You have already made significant progress in improving your health by quitting alcohol and losing weight. Keep up the good work by maintaining a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and avoiding smoking and alcohol.
  2. Manage your blood sugar: High blood sugar levels can cause nerve damage and worsen peripheral neuropathy, so it’s important to manage your blood sugar levels if you have diabetes or prediabetes.
  3. Take care of your feet: People with peripheral neuropathy are at higher risk of developing foot problems, such as sores or infections, so it’s important to take extra care of your feet. Wear comfortable shoes that fit well, check your feet regularly for any signs of injury or infection, and see a podiatrist if you have any foot problems.
  4. Consider physical therapy: Physical therapy can help improve strength and balance, which can reduce the risk of falls and injuries.
  5. Speak with your doctor about medications: There are several medications that can help manage the symptoms of peripheral neuropathy, such as pain and tingling. Your doctor can help determine which medications may be appropriate for you.

It’s also important to note that while peripheral neuropathy can be a frustrating and sometimes debilitating condition, there is hope for managing the symptoms and maintaining your quality of life. Be sure to speak with your healthcare provider about any concerns or questions you have about your condition and treatment options.

 

Oh, I forgot to tell you that I also take metformin each day as a medication for cancer. Can this cause dizziness. It hasn’t in the past.

Metformin is a medication used to treat type 2 diabetes, but it has also been studied for its potential use in cancer treatment. While dizziness is not a commonly reported side effect of metformin, it is possible that it could cause dizziness in some individuals. However, there may be other factors at play that could be causing your dizziness, such as the other medications you are taking or changes in your lifestyle.

It’s important to discuss any concerns or symptoms you are experiencing with your healthcare provider, as they can help determine the cause of your dizziness and provide appropriate treatment if necessary. They may also be able to adjust your medication regimen if they feel that it could be contributing to your symptoms.

I just did a reading of my blood sugar and ketones. This is after eating lunch, seemed veggies a bulletproof coffee and several squares of Lindt 95% cocoa chocolate. Blood Sugar 5.2 and ketones 1.1

A blood sugar level of 5.2 mmol/L after eating lunch is within a normal range. Ketone levels of 1.1 mmol/L are considered to be in the nutritional ketosis range, which is a state that can be achieved through a low-carbohydrate, high-fat diet such as the one you are following. Nutritional ketosis can have potential benefits for weight loss, improved blood sugar control, and brain function.

However, it’s important to note that measuring blood sugar and ketone levels alone may not provide a complete picture of your overall health. It’s always a good idea to discuss your diet and any concerns you may have with your healthcare provider, who can provide personalized recommendations based on your individual health status and needs.

Monday April 10, 2023

Yesterday was another day of feeling weird with buzzes in my head and strange feelings that were hard to put words to. Apart from a small headache I feel heaps better today. I cut my melatonin in half and only listened to podcasts for half the night, that is in my sleep. I pretty much dropped off immediately. I wore my retainers for most of the night.

Today is Easter Monday, it is still officially a public holiday but retail is open so Georgie and I are going shopping for some new clothing for her that fits.

“A” went to Confest. I just got a message from her. She’s so brave, this must be one of the coldest Easters that we have experienced in years and she’s off at the Murray River camping in the freezing rain! I just got a message that she is coming home today. God, the last time that I went to contest was 1995, back in the days before Georgie when I was in my Forrest Gump mode. I ran into the closest town along a levee bank one day and on another road my pushbike in to town to buy a bottle of whiskey which I drank that night. I took Paul and Allissa and her friend from Preshill. Those were wild times. We dropped into Seymour on the way back from Confest and somehow I tracked down my old girlfriend from the late 60s, Janis Orpen who was living in an old farmhouse on the outskirts. God knows how I found her back then in the days before the internet. She’s been a bit elusive in recent times, I’ve asked her several times to get in touch so we could reminisce but she’s not replied.

Hi Peter Wow, that’s a big decision. Yes, times are tough in Australia, I agree. I stayed in Bali for 2 months this time, I could have stayed longer. When we iron out all the humps that are in the way I’ll want to set up my base there as well. We are heading to Spain and Italy in 3 weeks and back to Bali in late August for another 2 months.

If you let me know what your rough plans are I can send you any info I can to help. For example, do you want to start a business? Do you want to lease a house/property like we have for 20-30 years? Do you want it to be ready and finished or do you want to renovate? Where would you want to base yourself? There are so many variables Pete.

You can get a staff member to clean and cook (at your house) for about $120-$150 a week so you wouldn’t have to worry about all of the day to day bullshit. We have a great girl who does our cleaning and manages the house for AirBnB when we aren’t there. BTW, that’s another point to consider. If you set your place up to rent when you are not there you can do quite well. We get about $600 a night. We pay our taxes and keep everything transparent just to keep in the good books with the government. I know a guy who can help with kites, companies, advice etc. If you set up your “legal” structure properly you can cruise through without too many concerns. We should touch base before I head off. Just think it through in regard to what your plans would look like and I’ll do what I can to give you a hand. Gary

Tuesday April 11, 2023

I stayed quiet again yesterday to give myself some more rest from this weird manifestation of dizziness that I am experiencing over the past 3 days. I’ll get into walking again today and return to the gym but I will also make an appointment at my GP as well as dentist, plus I’ll contact David the chemist.

I’ve got nothing to say about my life right now, it’s as flat as a tack …. Boring to say the least and an indicator that something is not quite right about living so far from the city. Might even be a good idea to start considering staying at Allissa’s house when she goes away.

I don’t have many thoughts to write about today apart from to say that it is cold, grey and inhospitable. 

Wednesday April 12, 2023

Another unproductive day, sort of. Yesterday I made an appointment to see Dr Eng to get some feedback about my fainting episode the other day. After asking some questions and getting me to do a few things the outcome was to send me to emergency at Maroondah Hospital and get some tests done to establish whether I was having mini strokes or TIA. I’m here now, back in the waiting area. I’ve just had an ECG and done extensive basic testing to establish what is happening. There is definitely an issue with balance so now I’m waiting to see what sort of scan or blood test is needed to do some sort of accurate diagnosis.

The positives re this are that I won’t need to sort any of it out while we are in Europe if I find out what’s going on now. Getting a correct diagnosis will mean that I can do my own research and find out what’s happening and what I can do.

Georgie is at home and Finn is on the train to Bairnsdale. I have no idea how long I will be staying at the hospital.

Allissa rang earlier and we spoke for the first time since she has returned from Confest. If all goes as planned we will be at Red Hill together on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday.

It’s 7 pm now. I’ve had an X-ray, ultrasound and general checkup, now I’m waiting for a CT scan. Being in emergency is a bit like training for a long haul plane flight. How to pass the time without being aware of what’s happening. As far as I can ascertain I have been here for around 4 hours. There is no point in becoming impatient. I’m lucky that I live in a country where I can go to an emergency ward in a hospital for free. I’ll just write today off and enjoy tomorrow.

It is now 8.30 and I’m still waiting. Hungry, tired and bored. The thing is that I’ve been waiting for hours now and it would be silly to walk out so I have no option apart from waiting and being patient if I want to get some sort of diagnosis. I suppose that it’s a small price to pay for the sort of information that I am after. It’s funny how you start missing “habits” like food, television and other stuff that you don’t really need when you think about it. It’s all about comfort and havingness. Havingness is a condition of being able to have or not have anything. It’s about the effect that this condition has on you. The funny thing is that not having something that you think you need can make you feel a sense of loss that is disproportionate to the reality of whether or not you really do need it. It’s about comfort, habit, a sense of security, fulfilment, loss. Just being should be enough but unfortunately the physical universe trains you or should I say it conditions you to want stuff, sensation, satiation, fulfilment, gratification all things that are transient and are here one minute and gone the next, stuff that you have forgotten about once you have done them. It’s also about anticipation, waiting, a sense of entitlement, wondering why you haven’t got something you think you want. For me now it’s simply about food and a sense that I am wasting time but what is that all about. How can you waste time? Isn’t the secret to life to just be in the present?

I just had one of the nurses come in and ask me whether I had ever got my scan. Just being acknowledged made everything seem a bit better and created a sense of hope. Isn’t life interesting. I was just imagining what it might be like to live a whole lifetime sitting in a blue chair in a cubicle with the ambient sounds of air conditioning and distant chatter. It would be horrible if you ask me. We need change, excitement, randomity and adventure as well as. Certain degree of predictability. We need interaction and a feeling that we will be rewarded for our efforts. 

I’m back in my blue chair after having my CT scan. You get pumped full of a liquid. It’s called a contrast scan. You get the weirdest sensation as the liquid goes into your veins, a rush of cold, then warm and then the finale is when you feel like you are going to piss yourself. I’m really hoping that I get some sort of diagnosis tonight to help me understand what might be happening to my body so I’ll know what to study which might put me ahead of the 8 ball. Hopefully the CT scan is positive and then I can just concentrate on doing whatever is going to help me be even more healthy. But secretly I know that something weird is happening so I’d like to have the correct diagnosis so I can be armed with the appropriate knowledge of what I need to handle.

What started off as a simple little fainting session on Saturday has morphed into something a bit more full on.

Thursday April 13, 2023

Every now and again I need a jolt. A nudge to get serious about something that I should be doing but have dropped off a bit. Well, I got my kick in the backside yesterday after spending at least 6 hours in the emergency room at Maroondah Hospital getting tests to attempt to get to the bottom of my dizziness and disorientation. It turned out to be positive insofar as after all of the extensive testing nothing showed up as an issue and the chance that I have had a TIA is more than minimal.

The good news is that I now have a far greater measure of resolve to get back onto the right track as far as health and fitness go. I started this morning off with a brisk 50 minute walk. The other target I have today is to start recording all of my food in the Cronometer App. This was a hugely successful action during my cancer period. The thing that I need to look at is a) my protein intake b) my calories burnt and calorie intake and losing some of any excess visceral fat and at least getting my BMI back to 25 or lower.

I’d like to be in tip top shape when we arrive in Europe, ready for our early mornings, good nights sleep and long walks.

First things first. I promised Peter Eng that I would send a message on how things went at Maroondah Hospital yesterday.

Good Morning Peter

I went to Maroondah Emergency room after leaving you yesterday. I endeded up getting home at about 10.30 P.M! They were actually fantastic and gave me a whole series of tests including ECG, ultrasound on my heart, chest X-ray, blood tests, basic metrics and a contrast CAT Scan. On a positive note they didn’t find any issues or any signs of TIA. It also appears that my cerebellum is OK. The senior doctor saw me as I was checking out and told me that he would send you an extensive report as soon as he could.

Thank you for urging me to go. My mind is at rest. I will monitor any symptoms and just see how I go. I went for a big walk this morning and so far so good. I feel great.

Regards

Gary

Friday April 14, 2023

I received a message from a guy named Dan yesterday from Western Australia in response to my blog. He has brain cancer and is following the protocols of Thomas Seyfried.

Hi David

I‘m in the same boat as you. Apart from a couple of people who have found my blog and got in touch with me I also feel like we are part of a very tiny minority. BTW have you seen the recent podcasts that Thomas Seyfried has done, they are really worth listening to, also good for others to listen to to get an understanding of what you are doing.

There is also a fabulous podcast with Dom D’Agostino and Peter Attia which goes for 3 hours but the final hour is amazing in that Dom goes into detail on “what he would do” if he found out that he had glioblastoma. I can send some links to you if you like.

I didn’t do HBOT in a hospital. Luckily for me there is a clinic in Melbourne that has been doing it for 2 decades but like most “natural therapies” the owner has been furiously attacked by the TGA and other “medical experts”. I am happy to give you the contact details for you to get onto him yourself, he may be able to give you advice or put you onto somebody in W.A who is doing it. Unfortunately I don’t feel confident that mainstream hospitals are ready to try it out with cancer patients. Maybe 15 years down the track but the dogmatic viewpoints that exist are very entrenched. My initial treatment was 60 hours of HBOT, very strict KETO diet with the goal of Blood Glucose of 4 and Ketones around the same, approx 20 grams of carbs a day (GKI =1) plus extensive IVs delivered art a clinic in Melbourne run by an integrative doctor named Peter Eng who is 84 years old … daily Curcumin and Vita but also lots of other repurposed substances. 

All I can say is that it worked for me but there is a lot more to what I did and I didn’t have glioblastoma which is a whole different ballgame. 

I have many resources and would be more than happy to share them with you if you want to talk.

If you get back to me I can then send you contact details for my HBOT clinic. The way the medical profession views alternative cancer treatments and the power that the TGA has after covid is daunting so I have to be really careful about “protecting” the brave people who are sticking their necks out. I hope this makes sense.

My phone number is 0425774415. I’ll be in Australia until the end of the month if you want to talk.

Regards

Gary

Saturday April 15, 2023

I’ve just finished reading an article on John Olsen, the great Australian artist who died this week at the age of 95. I half liked his attitude toward life but at the same time saw him as a bit glib and jovial about things if the article is accurate, which it probably isn’t. You have to know a person to have the right to pass judgement on them and I did not.

It is said that as one grows older one becomes wiser but I don’t know about that. You’ve just had more time than most to make mistakes and to experience the volley of challenges that life throws your way. I don’t feel old anyway even though I make reference to it constantly. I think that deep down I am doing this in the hope that the people around me will say “you don’t look and act like a 71 year old should”. Vanity. Why in the name of God would I want somebody else to think that I was younger than 71 and then compare me to their perception of what the general norm thinks a 71 year old should be like.

As my friend Joe Llatse said recently “My vanity won’t let me give up”. Maybe that’s what vanity is all about, a weapon for old men!

Later today I will ring Dan in W.A. I have to remember that he has glioblastoma, a far different beast to the cancer that I had. I know very little about this branch of cancer apart from the little I have gleaned along my learning journey over the past 3 years with cancer in general. I do know that it is a lot more severe and intense than the cancer I had. But having said that the basic rules that I discovered are still applicable.

Still I want to do whatever I can to help this person who I didn’t even know existed until a few days ago when he contacted me after reading my blog.

Tomorrow will mark the 2 week runway to Georgie and I leaving on our trip to Spain and Italy. This is when I start remembering all of the things that I need to get done or to pack to take with me. I’ve just got to be disciplined, make doable lists and realise that the world won’t end if I don’t get everything done before we leave. My biggest concern is leaving Finn on his own again but I have to be honest with myself. I cannot resolve all of the problems that face Finn in 2 weeks. I am doing what I can, he will resolve his own life eventually.

So the main things for today are ringing Dan, buying some food for the week, packing a few bits of clothing and doing gym and a walk with Finn because tomorrow I probably won’t have a chance seeing that Georgie, Allissa and I are heading down to Red Hill for a few days.

Oh, and I have decided to give a go to using our upstairs office as a base for my writing and planning sessions. I just got a glimpse of what this beautiful room could look like. I’m a bit over sitting at the dining room table downstairs.

Sunday April 16, 2023

I feel great so far. It’s 10.30 a.m now and so far I have no symptoms. I’ve had a good nights sleep, over 8 hours and woke up at 9 a.m. Had a bulletproof coffee and spent time writing my blog and answering messages etc. We’ll see what happens as the day moves forward.

After the initial dizziness I was relatively OK throughout the day even though I was a little bit dizzy and disoriented from time to time.

It’s now almost 10 p.m and I’m feeling pretty good.

This morning feels like we are in the deep stages of a wet Melbourne winter, it started raining last night and continued through the early hours with all fingers pointing at a good chance that it will continue throughout the day.

I didn’t get a lot done yesterday although I did move my monitors and a guitar and my computer up to what has been Georgie’s domain in our old upstairs bedroom which is in actual fact a great space. So superior to the dining room table in so many ways.

I roamed around the house in apathy for most of the day, even got under the blankets at some stage and had a sleep. I got dizzy and disoriented on and off throughout the day and after going shopping at NQR I gouged myself on carbs, not healthy carbs but chocolate and dry biscuits. Surprisingly apart from on a mental level it didn’t destroy me and I slept well throughout the night and even woke up feeling refreshed. One positive thing I did do though was to ring Dan in Perth. We talked about his cancer and protocols in a general way. I’ve promised to send him some stuff, links and things like that which I should start doing today.

Later in the day we will drive to East Melbourne to pick up Allissa and drive to Red Hill. We will stay until Tuesday. I’m looking forward to spending time with Lis even though she is sure to give me a hard time about my calories. I personally think that I’m eating enough calories but she is convinced otherwise.

I just wrote to Dan in Perth and sent him this message. 

Good morning Dan

It was a pleasure talking to you yesterday. It’s a cold wet winter like morning in Melbourne, I’m looking forward to the potential autumn warmth in Spain and Italy in a couple of weeks.

To get the ball rolling I would recommend watching this simple 27 minute talk by Miriam Kalamian on a few simple guidelines re the Ketogenic Diet for Cancer. She did it several years ago and who knows things may have changed now but I found it incredibly helpful as a guideline.

https://youtu.be/dkChuyUoBZQ

I’ll send more stuff to you when I get a chance. Have a great day.

My only advice is to get onto a strict well controlled keto diet ASAP. I believe that this was my bedrock, my foundation for all of the other protocols. The more that you can deprive the cancer of fuel the slower that it will proliferate. The other thing I would urge you to do is to download the Cronometer app and to start logging everything that passes your lips. It’s a pain in the ass but well worth the pain and effort. I found that testing and measuring was a huge part of my protocol.

I’ll try to track down some simple data on the RGCC Circulating Tumour Cell test as well. I highly recommend doing that. I’m sure that Dr Eng could help with that even tough you are in Perth and he’s in Melbourne. It will give you really important data on where your cancer is at and also be a yardstick as you move forward.

Regards

Gary

We arrived at Red Hill before 7 p.m and had dinner together. Allissa had her first steak and Georgie and I ate the ham hock soup that I made this morning. We have sat around talking all night in front of the fire.

Monday April 17, 2023

I had a big sleep in this morning but not a great nights sleep. I’m still listening to podcasts, something that has to stop. There reason? Maybe this is contributing to my erratic sleep patterns as well as my tinnitus and dizziness.

It is going to be a good day, the sun is out and the air is crisp. A good day for a walk.

I don’t have any aspirations for today apart from hopefully not getting dizzy and disoriented.

A small list.

Best debit card for Europe.

Order vitamins from Lis.

Get invoice from Lis for vitamins we already have.

Ring to make an appointment for bone/jaw 

Write to Liz Chandler

Tuesday April 18, 2023

Allissa took off this morning to go back to work. We had 2 nights and a day together, a relatively short walk, a few meals and lots of talking.

I did a bit of work on the Villa Tusk website which was somewhat of a challenge but overall I was happy with what I got done apart from that a did a bit of writing and not much else.

Last night I spoke with Joe Llatse about our upcoming trip to Spain. I’m really looking forward to our travels but I do have a bit of attention on how I can keep Finn active and healthy while we are away. We’ll need to have a few heart to hearts over the coming days.

Liz Chandler got in touch recently, it’s my turn to answer her now.

Hi Liz

Yes, freedom from …. Isn’t it funny, all the addictions and habits we pick up over a lifetime, like old software that just keeps running in the background. It sure takes conscious decisions to escape. I still subconsciously miss some of my old addictions at times but when I look at the potential ramifications that’s generally enough for me to accept that they won’t be rearing their ugly heads again.

The other thing you mentioned was out age. Isn’t being in our early 70s a very strange place to be. I’m sort of enjoying it in many ways. I’ve put a huge amount of work into preparing my body for the coming decades. It took the cancer experience to really open my eyes and to become fully aware that repair and constant maintenance is a huge part of life at this point if I want to keep on enjoying the freedom to still have adventures.

Good on you re your neck. I’ve got a few odds and ends that I’ll just learn to live with, ambient pains and creaks that I’ll let lie in the background.

I’m so pleased to hear that you are heading to Thailand soon. You leave Sydney a month after we head off to Europe. I’ve got to get back to Thailand myself, it played such a significant role in my life in the 2000s when my son was living there and I went to the islands with my daughter in 2012.

But overall my heart is still in Bali. When I was a kid in East Prahran I had a magic imaginary door in my head that I could use to go to special places, now I’ve got Jetstar which makes it easy to consider Penestanan to be an adjacent suburb to my home in Melbourne.

I must say “Thank You” to you for taking us back to your villa back in 2019, I had no idea back then what an important part of my life it would become but now it’s my oasis and launchpad for the rest of my life. Our latest project is getting the gang fixed up, I’ve started putting a bit of “art” on the walls which we’ve painted an olive colour and hopefully we’ll be re-concreting the pathway soon. I want to fill it with plants, art, nik naks and hopefully eventually mosaics.

In regard to Edmund …. We’ve got our bookkeeper working on getting the issues with him resolved. We had to take the pressure off late last year because unfortunately his wife suddenly died so we’ve given him time to recover from the loss. But all in all we are in a pretty good place, great staff, we pay our taxes religiously and even pay our Banjar fees. We’ll never be part of the village as such but we are getting to know and befriend more and more Balinese on each trip.

Wednesday April 19, 2023

We are back home in Mooroolbark and I’ve got today that getting up in the morning, albeit late, and coming upstairs to my new writing space is pretty great.

Something amazing happened last night at Villa Tusk. We got 2 new bookings, one for 3 weeks which is our longest ever full priced booking. It really does look like the villa is going to take off as a viable income source for us. 

I don’t have a lot to say or to “discuss with myself” this morning so I’ll spend my time writing words for the website and doing some stuff.

Thursday April 20, 2023

I was involved in a cult for decades. In many ways I was surrounded by evil and suppression but at the same time the people who were also members were essentially nearly all caring and decent people. Many of them were and are close friends. Go figure!! When I say many of the individuals were good people I mean that wholeheartedly, so how the fuck were we all so complicit in perpetuating the bullshit that has moved forward in time and possibly even gotten worse?

Over the past 11 years I have been peeling back the layers and slowly extracting myself from the old beliefs and mental software that is still running in the background.

After listening to hundreds of ex-Scientologists talk about their experiences and comparing them to my own I see that I was involved in a culture of deceit and lies. I was a victim of my own cognitive dissonance.

It’s now time to acknowledge that the whole of Scientology was essentially the dream and hobby horse of L Ron Hubbard and that he was flawed as a human being to the extent that he created an organisation that was and is evil and which imprisons its adherents in an invisible prison of false ideas and hopes, lies and falsehoods. A bubble of false hope.

Having said that I still acknowledge some of the basic principles as functional guidelines and beads of wisdom. At the same time I have always known that these beads of wisdom were cast aside when it suited the needs of the organisation.

I haven’t been an active member of this group since early 2012, I started pulling back much earlier than this but somehow the residual ambient beliefs, justifications and excuses have continued to be part of my life and even my dreams.

I wish no harm to any of the individuals still involved in Scientology but at the same time I have to fully let down my guard and openly acknowledge that the prison walls of deceit and lies that the organisation is built on are cancerous and will only ever lead to the destruction of free choice and tearing down of families and are so far from a world without war, insanity and criminality, which by the way are the stated aims of Scientology, that it is a cruel joke.

Ron Hubbard was a flawed genius, a self obsessed man with huge blind spots who believed in his own invincibility and overall did far more harm to mankind than he did good. He created a culture of physical and mental violence and control that in so many ways is evil.

I hereby withdraw any allegiance to the man and his organisation.

Friday April 21, 2023

“Apathetic April” is coming to a non eventful close. Apart from a few sunny days and Kaye’s 85th birthday nothing of any note has really happened. To some extent this observation may be exacerbated by the contrast between being in Bali compared to Melbourne or it may have a spotlight shone on it due to the predominantly grey skies and uninspired weather.

I can’t allow my life to become “waiting” for the next overseas trip. Life is too short for that sort of attitude, I’ve got to make the most of every single moment. One of my daughter’s friends Mother passed away this week, gone in a flash.

I’ve come to a standstill on my book project, even though I did put it out there in the form of a couple of chapters sent out to friends and families with the purpose of getting some feedback.

I owe my friend Jude a message so I’ll finish the session of with doing just that.

Dear Jude 

First and foremost I am so very happy to hear how well you are doing. It looks like we are both in a good place albeit with the responsibility of ongoing and continued future diligence. I have to admit that I’ve been enjoying a few carbs over the past couple of months, not too much though. I’m over the “guilt” now which is a breakthrough in itself. The most challenging thing for me now is to let go of my cancer strategies/protocols and to just enjoy a well rounded overall healthy approach to food and life in general, things change. It’s interesting to observe how I still hold onto the “security” of not wanting to change too much but I have started the transition. I haven’t done any HBOT for over a month and although I miss it I’ll have to do it in short bursts from time to time. Finances don’t allow the luxury of weekly sessions anymore. Being in Bali is amazing because it’s so easy to live a relatively stress free healthy lifestyle getting up early, long walks through the jungle, gym, sauna, cold plunge, meeting new people and just overall enjoying each moment of life. I always find my return to Melbourne challenging but I’ve got to get over that as well.

I’ll send you some of the stuff I’ve written about cancer. It’s far too verbose so I’ll have to get brutal at editing and throwing away unnecessary words and stories. I’d love to get some honest objective feedback from someone who has had a similar experience to me. The first 2 sections only cover a general introduction and the first 6 weeks of my diagnosis when I was trying to work out what the hell to do. Overall it is based on my daily journals that I kept back then.

We head off to Europe on April 30th. Spain and Italy. Georgie has been planning this for ages. I’m sure we will have a fabulous time as long as we can stay away from the thousands of other tourists which might prove to be a challenge. If by chance we do come anywhere near North Fitzroy I’ll give you a call.

Today

I’m spending today ironing, I hate ironing and hardly ever do it. Our ironing board was covered in spider webs! That’s how long its been since I used it.

Saturday April 22, 2023

Apathetic April continues. It’s hard to believe but I ironed most of yesterday listening to safe music with a grey sky outside although I did go to the gym and I did go for a short walk with Finn.

As a result of that I don’t really have all that much to say to myself this morning.

One thing that I do have to address is the unfortunate fact that I have been putting on a bit of fat around my waist, not all that much but my weight has gone up a few kilograms and it certainly isn’t all from muscle although I do have a bit more muscle. I’ve changed my diet and in doing so I have let my self discipline go. The big change isn’t so much giving into carbs but it’s giving into carbs that are processed like chocolate and potato cakes full of greasy vegetable oil plus a bit of Indian bread etc, etc. The trick is to eat nutritious carbs and to be very aware of what goes into my mouth and also when it goes into my mouth. That’s  the other thing, I’m snacking more and eating later. So for today I’m going to endeavour to a) not eat any lunch until 1 p.m b) eat my vegetables as carbs c) stop snacking d) fix the scales so I can start confronting my weight e) go on a long walk, have a sauna and cold plunge and go to the gym. The other thing that is soul destroying in Melbourne is going to bed so late and consequently getting up late and watching hours of TV at night, what a waste of fucking time that is. On a positive note I didn’t wear Bluetooth earbuds last night, I put the normal ones in which leads me to become aware that I will have to either buy or find an adaptor for my iPhone while I am in Europe or before I leave.

Sunday April 23, 2023

The most exciting thing about my whole day yesterday was when Finn came up to the lounge room late last night and convinced us to watch a YouTube clip on bread making in Samarkand. It was one of those moments that I yearn for, sitting around together and just yakking about nothing in particular.

Today is another grey April day, so far anyway. The clouds may dissipate as the day goes on. If I can finish off my packing, go to the gym and have a walk and get down to Camberwell to have lunch with Georgie’s family I’ll be happy. I can save all the adventure and fireworks for next week when we arrive in Spain.

Georgie has started helping me with “my book”. It will be interesting how I react when I start getting constructive feedback from her and the others who I’ve sent sections to.

It has been just over 1500 days since I have drunk any alcohol. I’m almost 100% certain that I will never do this again, it would be so counter intuitive, moronic and destructive. As I go on and on about, my priority at this stage of my life is to be healthy, clear headed and strong, as well as looking as good as I possibly can as the years go by.

I have worn corded headphones for the past 2 nights, the ones that Jude gave to me well over a year ago. I should have done this much earlier but stupidity is not something that I give up easily. The truth of the matter is that I don’t listen to the podcasts for all that long because I drop off to sleep so quickly. My next endeavour has to be a greater understanding and confrontation of EMFs, mould and toxic chemicals in my food and general products that I use.

Monday April 24, 2023

Yesterday has come and gone as will this week before too long. We literally have a little less than 7 days before we embark on our journey to Spain and Italy. In many ways this week will be all about preparation.

The 3 standout jobs are finishing the packing, preparing the house and getting things set up for Finn. 

Other tasks involve picking vitamins up from Allissa, preparing food for the plane, getting our papers organised, wrapping up the art sale and working out the best ways to change money and but sim cards for Spain as well as Italy.

Tuesday April 25, 2023

It is once again Anzac Day, a word strongly associated with Australia, war and beer. I wonder how many wives were abused after their husbands returned from the pub with his male friends after an afternoon of drinking in all those Aprils in years gone by. Enough of war and inebriation.

I started my version of a carnivore diet yesterday. The idea is to try it out until Sunday and if it works resuming it when I get back from Europe in early June. I can’t see myself doing better than intermittent fasting and a bit of “omad” and mostly low carb while we are on our trip. I felt surprisingly full last night after eating between 3 and 7 p.m. Here’s what I ate.

200 grams of hard parmesan cheese.

Bulletproof coffee with 25 grams butter, 1 teaspoon of real cream and 2 tablespoons of MCT oil.

About 200 grams of pork belly.

I cooked a hearty Japanese curry for Georgie and Finn.

So far this morning I’m doing a repeat on the bulletproof coffee. Oh, and I had a sauna and pool jump yesterday. yes.…the water was bloody cold but fabulous at the same time. I’m planning on doing it again this morning.

I will continue preparing for the trip today, my bag is at almost 20 kgs already which means I will be OK until we leave Barcelona.

I listened to part of a podcast with Donald Hoffman last night. He was talking about the math behind consciousness, even though I couldn’t understand a lot of what he said it also made sense in a base way. He compared death to taking off the VR deadset. The consciousness leaves behind an inanimate body. I thought that was one of the best descriptions of what I hope to be true. But what I was really intrigued by was his discussions on the depth of mathematics. I won’t even try to start to explain because I can’t!

I got a haircut yesterday and then went off and bought a shaver to keep my beard trimmed while we are in Europe.

Today I will repack my luggage, go to Chemist Warehouse to find stuff for the trip and purchase a mini battery powered NutriBullet plus I will walk and go to the gym.

Wednesday April 26, 2023

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The sun has finally shown it’s face in Melbourne. The days are reaching the mid 20s which is probably much the same as it is in Europe at the moment. We are heading to winter and they are heading to summer. I just got through my second day of “an almost” carnivore diet. Today it’s going to be steak and rack of lamb. My weight is going down albeit slowly but interestingly my HRV is higher and my resting overnight heart rate is lower, my deep sleep is better as is my REM sleep. I’m the sort of person who needs 100% discipline and parameters when it comes to food and drink. It’s all or nothing. This is why my cancer period was so successful. I had huge discipline.

I went to the gym last night and did a decent workout although there was no walk yesterday. Overall it appears that my weight has gone up but at the same time my muscle has gone up as well. Overall I feel strong and healthy, everything seems to be going well physically and I’m pretty happy plus life is not at all stressful and my mental state is at a decent level. I’ve also started doing saunas again this week and having late night baths.

That’s the rundown on the body.

I don’t seem to have any deep philosophical thoughts spinning around in my head at the moment although I may have reached some sort of plateau in that department. I have to listen more to Donald Hoffman. I know that there are things that he says that will trigger some great ideas.

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Thursday April 27, 2023

4 days before we fly out, the countdown is on. I repacked my bag yesterday and took out a whole lot of clothes that I probably wouldn’t have needed anyway. Now it’s down to the finer details.

My carnivore experience is coming along quite well. I feel clear headed and my body feels great. This is day 4.

The main things that need doing now are vitamins/supplements.

Friday April 28, 2023

OK, well I woke up this morning feeling like I had a virtual hangover. I fell off the wagon late yesterday and had 2 lo carb treats, peanut bowls of something like that which had only 1 carb each and then later that night I had 3 more low carb bars!! The end result is not pretty. I should be OK within 30 minutes or so but I really shouldn’t have done it. This just goes to show me the full extent of the level of discipline that I need to apply to myself.

Allissa rang last night to talk about a conference that she is helping to put on for Intergrated doctors in September this year.

We just got back from John and Floras.

Hi Mal (Hooper)

My daughter, Allissa is an exec at Research Nutrition and has loads of contacts in the integrative medicine field. She is currently helping to put together a conference in Sydney that’s happening sometime in September and she has asked me whether I’d reach out to you in regard to you having a chat to her about the conference. Her goal is to get more people like yourself involved so that the attendees have access to a more holistic approach toward integrative medicine practises in Australia. Is it OK if I give her your contact details? Also I’ve touched base with Dan in W.A, he’s unfortunately a bit slow off the mark in regard to getting onto the things that I’ve recommended which is insane seeing that he has stage 4 cancer. He said he would contact you soon. I hope you are well. I’m about to head of again on Sunday so I’ll see you when I get back. 

Regards Gary

Saturday April 29, 2023

I’m attempting to do what my time shifter app tells me to do in regard to circadian cycles and caffeine. My interest in writing has waned over the past week or so but I’m sure the habits will all fall back into place when we arrive in Europe. I’ll have lots to write about.

Yesterday we visited John and Flora. This was a very pleasant experience. The rest of the day was taken up at the gym and packing with a family dinner thrown in at Coriander last night. I bought some eye masks on the way home and started wearing them.

Food was pretty good overall but I couldn’t help myself and ended up devouring 3 peanut cups which had 1 gram of carbs in each one plus I ate about 240 grams of parmesan cheese after we got home for dinner. Carnivore would take a bit of doing. Planning and preparation would play a huge role in the success of it.