“Defrag Blues” Oct 1, 2021 – October 4, 2022

Conversations with Myself

Tuesday October 4, 2022

I have just arrived back to the Bairnsdale house after a brisk and somewhat chilly morning walk. To be honest I hadn’t been looking forward to a walk through the peripheral suburbs of this Gippsland town but to my surprise I turned right at the end of the street and found myself in verdant fields and rolling hills. Just outside the outside, if you know what I mean. So this paired with some frisky music made for a pretty good start to my day.

Walking On The Grid

Time has a grid. Whether it’s real or not doesn’t matter because the illusion is that it does exist and it has a purpose to mathematically break beats down into a time frame based upon beats per minute. Most western music seems to break down into fours, eights and sixteenths. What I’m getting at here is that you can apparently energise your body and create a bit more energy if you can find a beat, I’m not certain what mine is, maybe 120 BPM, that is just a bit faster than your natural gait and walk in 4/4 time right on the grid. That’s probably what marching is all about. Some military cat had the same realisation that I did sometime in the past and applied it to large groups of men to co-ordinate their movements toward the battlefield, a place that no-one in their right mind should be in a hurry to get to. Once you get a gait going the dopamine kicks in and you can throw in a bit of syncopation to spice things up from time to time. As soon as the track finishes and a new beat starts that might be too slow or too fast the whole grid thing tends to fall apart and walking becomes a touch more strenuous. That’s the apparent for me anyway.

Music Education

I spent a bit of time last night watching some podcasts/educational clips on playing funk rhythm, which is all about underplaying, the right hand, dampening strings, syncopation and surprisingly being able to have an awareness of timing and being able to recognise where you are on the grid at any point in time. It proved to me that learning can be fun and that if I dedicate just even a small amount of time each day to learning something, drilling something, working something out then I can progress as a musician.

Monday October 3, 2022

We are all up. About to head off to Bairnsdale. Josh is here, eating his breakfast, Finn is downstairs preparing his job applications and Georgie is in the shower. I have no idea what lays ahead.

The trip down was relatively easy. Finn and I had a couple of altercations but by the time we arrived things seem to have sorted themselves out. Barb and Damo offered us the opportunity to stay in their AirBnB house which we graciously accepted. 

We arrived at around 2pm, then went into Bairnsdale to have some lunch. Then back to Barb and Damo’s house and a couple of hours of chatter. I went for a short walk toward the end of the day and then we went to dinner at one of the old Bairnsdale hotels.

That’s about it. Nothing spectacular but overall a pleasant enough day.

It was very kind of B&D to offer their house but it is a bit soulless. I probably need this sort of experience to appreciate the good job we do at Red Hill and Bali not to mention home. The ambience of one’s surrounding do influence the overall mood and feel of things. Beggars can’t be choosers and I should be very, very grateful that they have been so kind to put us up.

Sunday October 2, 2022

It could be said either way that I’ve slept in today which is pretty much OK because today is the official beginning od DST (Daylight saving Time) on most of the east coast of Australia. We have just moved an hour forward and what was 8.52 am yesterday morning is now 9.52am. This more than anything cements my observation that reality is based on agreement. That is, if enough people agree on something then it becomes a reality. This shows the abstractness of reality to me but maybe there’s a lot more to it that I am not aware of.

My new tangent in to music is going well. Not only am I discovering new musicians but I’m also revisiting some of the older guys like Jan Hammer, Tony Williams, Alan Holdsworth …. People who I discounted back in the day because they offered a more challenging listening experience.

By the time we got back home yesterday I played a bit of music and ended up in the bathtub once again. My place of solace where I explore mew things on YouTube. As I’ve been on about it’s mainly music at the moment but I think I’ll need to get back into the health learning again soon mainly because Finn has seemingly agreed to give keto a go. I’ll have to find the missing scales, get him wearing the Oura ring and generally preparing the house, shopping and food storage areas for him to embark upon the road to health. There’s a chance that I’ll need to throw a whole lot of stuff away.

Today will seem short but that’s OK because we need to go through the transition. For me it will be about walking, gym, eating well. I must review my evening television watching. I didn’t watch television for 6 weeks while I was in Bali and here I am back in Melbourne sitting on my ass to be entertained each night. So bloody predictable!

Saturday October 1, 2022

Is my life about diversity or consistency or could you somehow blend both of these qualities into something viable?

In recent times diversity is winning. I’m in search of newness. Like yesterday I discovered a new band called Vulfpek. The individuals members are all incredible in their own right but when they get together on a stage there is some sort of miraculous chemistry that transcends the mundane. Everything about their music, their performance, their attitude, their musicality was in a stratosphere way above normal humdrum human existence.

I have no doubt that music is my number one love. It excites me, It enthrals me, it nourishes my soul. I love any sort of creativity, any sort of beauty, any act of attainment of happiness but music always comes out as number 1.

Music can push my body to walk faster, it can uplift my spirits and can put me into a state of exhilaration that knows no bounds. Music can inspire me, it embodies love, passion and happiness. It drives me to move forward through tiny increments of being in the present.

So that’s listening to music. What about playing it? I’m OK but I’ve held myself back through inaction. Somehow when I was younger I just didn’t put 2 and 2 together and reach the conclusion that to get better at something that you have to improve your knowledge and practise. By practise I mean to go through the painstaking training of the body to perform the physical action necessary to transcend the ordinary and by knowledge I mean to gain information about a subject that will allow you to reach to higher levels of expression.

Shit. My innate abilities have been both a blessing and a curse because I’ve always been able to pull of a functional level of most creative activities. This along with my own lack of foresight and what could be called laziness or maybe complacency has been my excuse for not pursuing excellence.

So now I’m at a point where I could easily say that confronting this reality when I’m 70 years old is futile but that’s bullshit. I first have to confront that this has been a lifelong goal and that I have so far failed in achieving the goal that I set for myself as a kid. It doesn’t matter where I went wrong in the past, all that matters is what I do now. Next step is to contribute toward my music knowledge and skills. This is going to come about through a mixture of learning and practise. That’s as simple as it is. At the top of the scale is “create”.

Later in the day…..

Georgie asked me to come out for lunch with a friend from her skiing days. We are now in the thick of it and the talk is all about out skiing. It’s a bit like me meeting up with one of my old friends and talking about John Coltrane. I shouldn’t have come because I don’t know anything about skiing or share any of the mutual memories that they have ?

Friday September 30, 2022

This morning is woke at 6 am because I’ve got to catch a train into Richmond at 8 am. This means that if I leave home at 8 I’ll arrive at the station in good time.

I’ve got 2 HBOT sessions today after which I will see Allissa and Claire.

There’s not a lot to say this morning. No profound thoughts, no strong viewpoints , no problems and no real significant events.

On a positive note, I ate well yesterday, exercised and had a sauna. All activities that I said I would do. It also looks like I slept well all night with no excursions. Yesterday morning I went to Glen Waverley to visit the periodontist who will perform the auspicious task of inserting my implants. I also went to H and M and discovered that my clothing size had dropped from medium to Small. That was a surprise. No wonder my clothes are feeling a bit looser. I seem to be burning more calories than I am taking in due to my exercise regime and diet.

Looks like we are going to Bairnsdale on Monday with the boys. 

Later in the morning ……,.

I’m on a search for newness, freshness, innovation. It’s been a while musically but I’ve recently come to the conclusion that the music that’s i love listening to has evolved and I now have to push the boundaries. I found a YouTube channel run by a guy named Andy Edwards and came across a clip that talks about the young musicians who are the new cutting edge of “fusion jazz”. Coming forward 40 years these guys have taken influences from hip hop, neo-soul, musicians like The Police, Prince, drummers like JACK DEJOHNETTE AND TONY WILLIAMS and others that I have followed for decades and created a new style of edgy music that relies on a high level of musicianship mixed with technology and 21st century influences. The first new artist I found and listened to in any detail is an instrumentalist, singer and performer named Louis Cole. Exciting music, a hybrid of jazz, pop, funk, beats, hip hop …. It’s all there in all its glory. I’m currently sitting on a train listening to a saxophonist named Sam Gendal. There’s a whole new world waiting to be explored. A bit like acid jazz in the 90s but maybe better. BTW being on a morning train is a buzz. The girl sitting next to me is knitting, the guy opposite is reading a novel, others are looking at their phones and some are listening to something through earphones just like I am. I’m loving the community of public transport even though I fear that striking up a conversation with a stranger may be harder than I anticipate. The time goes fast. I’ve been sitting on the train for 20 minutes already but it seems like 5. The walk to the station this morning was quite exhilarating. It sort of depends on the weather, the music and what clothes I’m wearing but this morning was a mix of loud fast music, walking gear and a mix of speedy walking in time to the music with the occasional bursting out into a jog so by the time I arrived at the station i had a layer of sweat under my clothing.

Whenever I find something new my first inclination is to call out loudly to everyone I can to let them know about my discovery. This is often met with frustration which then morphs into a smugness of egocentricity that I was smart enough to move on from whatever old shit I was into. For me 2 weeks ago public transport and new music wasn’t even on the horizon, now I am obsessed with both.

Even later …..

I’ve got so many apps that I can use to get my messages out to the world. Some of these are apps that i have used in the past and then forgotten about, some are apps that I could use to co-ordinate my activities and somehow make them more effective and far reaching. For example there is an app that I have called Flipsnack that creates digital catalogues. I had forgotten all about this. Ive got e-mastered, Soundcloud, all sorts of creative tools at my fingertips to help me share my writing, music, Tusk Gallery stuff, AirBnB, Keto Kultur ideas and plans. 

It’s all about breaking down my schedule to fit all of these activities in. It doesn’t look like Im going to win Tattslotto so I’d better come up with some ideas that create a flow of income.

Thursday September 29, 2022

How long does now last? Is it a fleeting moment or something a bit more perceptible? What does being in the present really mean? 

I’m going to be simple and say that having an awareness of my thoughts and interactions with my perceived environment in the current moment is a good enough definition for me even though I know that there is far more to it than that.

What could have been and what is are 2 completely different outcomes. What could have been can have a profound influence on the way in which one views the world but in actuality it is only a fantasy that does no longer exist because all that does is what is. Regrets, shame, blame are burdensome emotions that serve no lasting purpose, maybe a short dunk can be worthwhile but that’s it. Move on.

Yesterday was a funny day. I parked myself at home for most of the day and did accomplish a few significant actions like tidying up my bedroom, putting my clothes away, emptying my suitcase but I didn’t exercise or sauna or walk. I set out with a decision to fast and my resolve weakened by lunchtime when I purchased cream and blueberries, that was OK but then I hit the “artisan” crackers and they tasted so bloody good with butter and ginger that I just kept going. Oh, and I did get one new entry onto the Block Shop website.

Oh well. That’s now in the past, I ate a stack of carbs and that action no longer exists apart from the obvious effect on my blood sugar and insulin levels.

I’m getting a bit closer to organising a get together for 70 year olds. 4 old friends from the “promised land” back in the 1960s when life was different albeit still full of wonder, discovery and adventure.

There is a possibility that I had a breakthrough with Finn last night when he stated that he would try out the “keto thing” when we get back from Bairnsdale next week. I’ll stick on that one like a dog with a bone.

I’m about to head off to Glen Waverley to visit a dental surgeon to get setup for the implants that I’ve been preparing for this year. Life will be very interesting with a head of teeth. I’m actually quite excited about this.

After I finish off the morning trip to the dentist I plan to go to the gym, walk and have a long sauna. Then I’ll do some more on the Block Shop, the villa marketing and my Keto Kultur project plus start learning the songs for the Bali band.

Wednesday September 28, 2022

A beautiful parrot with a red body and green wings just visited our upper deck. It’s the second time that I’ve seen this bird in recent days and it’s only been a few days since I’ve started sitting out here and writing in the morning so the chances are that the bird has been coming often but I just haven’t been seeing it. What does that say about reality? What does that say about epiphanies? Is it as simple as the act of being conscious of what is happening is what makes it real or helps you become aware of it.

Enough of that! What I do know is that it seems to be a beautiful morning. Todays plan is to tidy up the bedroom, clean it, put everything away, throw out unnecessary items and generally try to create a more conducive space to sleep in.

I’ve been coming off the wagon a bit of late as far as my diet goes. For example, I found some crackers for Georgie and then started justifying why I could eat them. I must say they have been delicious with butter and cheese on them but it could be the beginning of the end if I don’t curb my desires right now. Food id such a pleasurable activity. Maybe we evolved that way. Sex and food. I finally get it. Two of the most important things to help the human race proliferate and continue into the future. No wonder so many of our problems as a species stem from these 2 activities. They both have a purpose and also a certain amount of “natural” pleasure attached to them but we take it further and further all the time going for more and more sensation and gratification to the point where it becomes addictive and also unnecessary. I think today I’m going to need to fast for at least 22 hours.

Another project that I have begun is cutting out any unnecessary subscriptions or costs that will pull back our cost of living. There is talk of a worldwide recession almost being upon us.

Tuesday September 27, 2022

I got in touch with my past last night. When we moved to East Bentleigh in mid 1963 one of the first people I met was a young boy named David Cockman who lived around the corner from Namron St named David Cockman. We were in the same form at Bentleigh High School. In many ways we were very different and in others we shared many similarities. 2 young boomers growing up in the Melbourne suburbs. He had lots of brothers and a sister and I had 2 sisters. He was into Elvis and I was into The Beatles. He had a better paying after school job than I did and probably had far more confidence than I did back then. I’ve written briefly about that period of my life in a post called “The Promised Land”, the name I later gave to East Bentleigh. Back then it seemed like the land of milk and honey with wide open spaces and a sense of adventure for a young boy. To that extent David was an important part of my formative years and to that degree he did have some sort of influence on the way I needed up.

We spoke for about an hour, reminiscing and asking questions about what we’d done over the past 50 years and vaguely planning a get together. I contacted Mike Hirst via text last night after I got back from the gym to get the ball rolling.

We are driving down to Red Hill today to pick up some artwork and to check on the new fireplace that’s going in. Georgie was still in bed but fingers crossed she’s in the shower and getting ready.

Our return to Melbourne isn’t so bad. The trick is to open one’s eyes and to explore what is in our own back yard. The universe and even the city is in a constant state of change so there are always new things to see and new things to do. Georgie is furiously planning our trip to Italy for next May.

My huge and spectacular Balinese painting got put up on the wall of the small bedroom yesterday. It’s so wonderful and appropriate for the villa. 38 days to go before we are back in Bali.

The Australian dollar is in freefall, it’s now below 65 cents. God knows what is going on and who or what is responsible. It never makes sense.

Monday September 26, 2022

Seed Oils

Seed Oils are commercially called Vegetable Oils. The irony is that there are absolutely no vegetables in the plastic bottle. Margarine is hydrogenated vegetable oil.

Being a baby boomer I got caught up in the marketing campaign that was thrust upon the world back in the 1960s and beyond that natural saturated fats were bad for us. We were falsely led to believe that these natural fats would contribute to cardiovascular disease. This lie was based on the work of an American scientist named Ansell Keyes. If you have the time and inclination I recommend that you do your own research into the lies that were disseminated by big industry based on the selective and flawed research that he presented.

When I was a kid my mum fed us food cooked in lard, we ate real butter on our bread and generally ate a simple diet of meat and 3 veggies. There weren’t many carbohydrates in our diets and I can’t remember eating a lot of snacks. I think that the general western world obesity percentage back around then was less than 15%.

Another phenomena that appeared in the 1960s was marketing campaigns by food companies although I’m pretty certain these had been going for most of the 20th century. But from my experience this was when we started being indoctrinated that eating certain foods would somehow add to our health. Don’t forget that this was when we were being told that cigarettes were harmless and somehow enhanced our lives.

As a generality this was the beginning of the low fat, high carb diet that is prevalent in society even in the first quarter of the 21st century. The stats speak for themselves. In the USA around 1900 people die each day from cardiovascular disease and another 1600 die from cancer. I’m not certain what the worldwide figures are but you should check this out in your country.

When you consider that at the beginning of the 20th century heart attacks were not at all a common cause of death this should act as a red flag.

Something weird is going on.

I got totally sucked into the marketing. The idea of using animal fats to cook with seemed repulsive and by the 1970s we were eating Nuttelex margarine because we thought it was a healthier alternative to butter. I became a vegetarian in the late 60s thinking that it was not only humane but also healthy. This is when I started eating carbs, cooking with vegetable oil and believing that whole grains were the way to go. I did eat vegetables but I look back now and wonder what percentage of my diet consisted of well cooked healthy veggies!

Looking at a simple history of the evolution and introduction of seed oils into our diet  you can trace it back to the late 1800s. Industry had used whale fat to grease machinery but then they killed all of the whales and needed an alternative, Cotton was a huge crop in the US and some smart cookie noticed that the cotton seeds were being wasted and came up with the idea of using the oil created from them as a lubricant and also an ingredient for soap. Waste not, want not!

Proctor and Gamble was started in the US in 1838 by a English candle maker and an Irish soap maker. They basically made cleaning products until 1911 when some smart cookie realized that the solid hydrogenated vegetable oil looked like lard and butter this was born Crisco, a shortening made of vegetable oils rather than animal fat. With money behind them they were able to market this as a cheap, healthy alternative and before you know it American cookbooks called for Crisco instead of the more natural animal fats. They became sponsors of radio serials and later TV soap operas. Genius way of getting your massage across. In 1996 the FDA approved  a P & G product named Olean a lower calorie substitute for putting into snacks and potato chips.

It’s remarkable what marketing can achieve. We were convinced by the 1970s that “vegetable” oils were the way to go and far healthier than saturated fat.

This is now looking like a big fat lie and the health stats worldwide seem to reflect this. I dare you to go to a supermarket and find products that don’t include some sort of “vegetable” oil.

That’s enough from me. Please watch the following YouTube presentation which is a montage of parts of several lectures on the dangers go seed oils.

Sunday September 25, 2022

KETO KULTUR

Do I really want to help people get healthy? It’s a big job to take on with a huge amount of responsibility attached to it. I know what it would be like on a 1 to 1 basis and as much as I love connecting with people and communicating openly I have noticed that the only people I have so far been successful with are those who are pretty much on the same page as me.

I have been ruminating about this project for far too long so now I have to make a decision whether I’m going to go to the next step or not.

If I do forge forward I’m going to need to do 2 (or more) very pragmatic things a) simplify my message and b) work out an ethical way to monetise it. I’ll have a look at this in the immediate future.

So far I have played around and had a certain level of success with immediate family, a couple of people in the cancer community and now 1 person who contacted me through my blog.

If I do decide to go ahead then my next step is to work out how to reach people, this will involve a marketing strategy. I am also going to have to find allies in the health space who have some clout and convince them about the effectiveness and viability of my idea.

On a positive note a person who lives in my city contacted me last week after reading my blog. We had a few text/email interactions and I finally spoke to him on the phone yesterday. We spoke for about an hour. What was interesting was that he had already begun his journey to achieve a healthy lifestyle and knew a heap already. What I didn’t work out was whether he was having actual results. This can be a test case for me. I mean that in the most positive way. I’ve already helped my mother in law, who is 84, lose a heap of weight by going on a low carb diet. She didn’t do everything perfectly and had a certain lack of understanding but the results were miraculous. This has been happening for almost a year but I’ve noticed that once the goal and resolve drops away it’s very, very easy to drop off the wagon.

So here’s a list of simple actions that I can take right now.

  1. Create a logo for Keto Kultur. I will need branding to have some sort of marketing identity.
  2. Take a look at my existing social media and co-ordinate it. Set up a Facebook group for Keto Kultur and an Instagram page.
  3. Put together a list of YouTube clips that cover the basics and can educate people on a beginners level.

That’s enough for now. I’m not going to fall for the old trap of giving myself so much to do that ultimately feels good at the time but in reality never gets done.

I’ll report some more when I get this list underway.

Saturday September 24, 2022

I was listening to a podcast late last night, half asleep but aware enough to take in some of what was being said. What it was about was a new University being set up in Austin Texas where the faculty and student body are encouraged to share any views and opinions, no matter what they may be. Any slanting, any contrary viewpoints, innovative ideas and even controversial ones. 

This got me thinking about the era I grew up in. Yeah we got a headful of misinformation but we survived. Our sources were American TV shows like Leave It To Beaver, Father Knows Best, even Disneyland, American Westerns and the mainstream media was spitting out conservative views on communism, the yellow peril and pro American rhetoric. All fabrications and pretty much mostly lies and misinformation. Isn’t that the story of “knowledge” and data being passed along. History is always written by the victors or in some cases whoever is your ally or has a heap of money.

In this day and age of wokeness our individual thoughts and viewpoints are being censored and free thinking people can be cancelled at the drop of a hat. This strikes fear into even the most brave hearted among us and thwarts our interest in healthy debate and discussion thus alloying any curiosity toward new ideas or contrary viewpoints to the woke status quo.

We saw this last week when every press and media outlet seemed to be kow towing to the Queen and the completely out of date and irrelevant institution she represented. My view was that she was a cut out cartoon character who was brought out to wave and cut ribbons and unfortunately one who could have no public viewpoints on any political or controversial matters yet if you spoke your mind the chances of getting shut down, censored and cancelled were huge.

My view is that a 96 year old lady who had lived a very closeted and cushioned life had died after a cloistered and long life of having the best of everything. Most people would be happy saying “She had a good innings” but we were assaulted with images of her life and the sadness and loss we were supposed to be feeling, against a background of the hidden atrocities that the British Empire committed against indigenous peoples around the globe during her reign. This is all pretty irrelevant except for the fact that there was a tacit or even overt agreement that absolutely nobody had the right to say anything negative about her, her life or the British Empire at the risk of being figuratively crucified.

Who are these arbiters of rightness? Big Pharma, the mainstream media, online social media platforms and big, potentially corrupt International and global health organisations like the CDC, WHO, NIH. The status quo. 

If one was a student of 20th century history and was studying totalitarianism , a system of government that is centralised and dictatorial and requires complete subservience to the state, they might find similarities to the current system of cancelling people who have contrary viewpoints to these arbiters of right and wrong. This is what the governments of Stalin and Mao were so proficient at doing. If anyone dissented or questioned these regimes they were simply and literally cut out of the picture. And look what happened to these regimes and the people that they were forced upon. Literally millions of prematurely dead human beings and a complete shut down of freedom of expression, new ideas and progress.

But the sad thing is that most of the woke crowd would refute this and say that what they were pushing was human rights or some such thing.

What a crazy time it is to be alive. Thank God for those among us who are brave and strong enough to stand up for their inalienable rights of freedom and personal expression and viewpoints. Without them mankind as a species is on the way down the drain.

Response to a Friend

Hey Anthony That was a nice post. Looking back at my life I was so immersed in the nuts and bolts of every day activities and struggles to step back and look at the miracle that I was part of. That’s not saying that I didn’t experience moments of immense gratitude and exhilaration but I just didn’t allow myself the objectivity that I needed to view how lucky I was. Now that I’ve realized that life is a powerful yet simple activity that will go on with me or without me can I allow myself the luxury of stepping back and appreciating just about every moment of my own existence. It’s a pity that I waited until I was 70 to realize the full beauty of this brief moment in time. I was too busy “playing the game” to allow myself to have the gratitude that would have so enhanced all of the wonderful things that I have experienced along the way.

Friday September 23, 2022

Discovering Melbourne Through New Eyes

About one week ago I came back from 6 weeks in Bali, determined to give Melbourne a go and not to be all bitter and twisted like I was after our last trip. As hard as I tried I just couldn’t come to grips with the change of geographical location. 

The mild August/September Bali climate spoiled me. Getting up early in the mornings, going on long walks, pushing myself, having saunas, massages and generally not having to bother about cleaning and cooking. I just love everything about it. There is still so much more to discover in Bali.

So here I was back in Melbourne feeling hedged in and trapped then last Tuesday or around about, my daughter rang me and asked a simple question. 

“Why don’t you try public transport?”

I got instantly excited and inspired. Not only was I going to save a fortune in petrol costs, I was also going to push my boundaries and force myself into a new experience, new locations, new challenges. It had been pretty much 40 years since I had regularly used trams and trains.

What has changed since then is that I now love walking, I also love writing and these are 2 activities that I can integrate into my train trips.

So far I have been on 2 “adventures”. The first one was a long trip to my dentist in Malvern and the second was yesterday when I went to my Oxygen therapy in South Yarra. I live in Mooroolbark which is in the far outer east of Melbourne’s suburban sprawl. My reasons for living way out here are a mix of financial and chance. We have a great house and a great environment but there are no bloody people who I can find who I can relate to. My first inclination has always been to jump in my car and go onto automatic and drive. I do admit that this is a fast way of getting around albeit expensive as the price of petrol, insurance, maintenance and other variables sky rocket. 

On top of this I normally spend at least an hour walking everyday and even more time sitting on my butt writing. So here’s the math. Yesterdays outing took about 6 hours but I got around 2 hours of walking, I got to spent time with “A”, I spent 90 minutes in the HBOT chamber and I listened to a whole lot of music by Alan Holdsworth which I may not have done PLUS I got to see a whole lot of inner Melbourne that I have never really seen before which in itself was bloody exciting. So yeah, it took 6 hours but it turned my HBOT session into an adventure. 

Now this morning I’m off again. I walked fast and got to the station in 25 minutes and on top of this I got a rush of dopamine from the mixture of the fast walking and the loud music, this time by American guitarist Paul Gilbert. Now I’m on the train not wasting a minute, writing again and continuing on from what I started this morning.

The train line is gritty and you can feel the history of Melbourne reaching out from the past. I’m pretty certain the Lilydale line was built sometime in the 1880s just after the gold rush years and Melbourne’s outer east was being settled. It is also interesting running on a train parallel to the roads that I normally drive on. But the best thing is that the overall experience is new.

The eye opener yesterday was getting off at Richmond Station and meeting my daughter. Seeing her smiling face at the exit of the station was the best thing that happened all day. We walked out and up to Swan St, we were thick into discussion but I also got the distinct feeling of being in a distinctly new location with a new vibe and facade totally different than the one that I experienced last time I was there. We then cut through the back streets into a Cremorne, under the railway line that divides Richmond and South Yarra and through the gritty back streets that are fast becoming gentrified, a long way from its humble past. Even walking over Alexandra Parade near Melbourne High was a buzz, up close to the trains and over the river looking across at old warehouses covered in graffiti and waiting to be knocked down or renovated. By the time we got up close to Toorak Rd and turned left toward The Olsen Hotel I realized that the trip from home had been a wondrous experience and gave me a sense of adventure and newness.

It was much the same on the way home. I felt more a part of the community even though I hadn’t talked to anyone while I was travelling on public transport. I’ll leave that challenge for a while but it is also something that I am looking forward to. By the time I got back to Mooroolbark I had retraced my footsteps back to Richmond Station and journeyed back on the same train lines. I even had a chance to take quite a few photographs. By now I was getting my bearings and losing some of the anxiety about getting lost or missing my station. You know, silly things that come when you pursue new experiences.

Something I’ve just realized is that like anything there is loads to learn and finding railway stations and connecting trains is one of them. I just walked down Church St, Richmond which is something that I’ve wanted to do for a long time and got bamboozled because my original plan was to walk back to Richmond but I tricked myself into thinking that there was a train leaving from East Richmond in 2 minutes. I was thwarted and ended up deciding to walk to Burnley down the back alleys. Here I am, learning all about the Melbourne Public Transport system. But it’s all about the adventure and discovery and that’s exactly what I’m having. The one thing I’m discovering is that graffiti is alive and well in Melbourne. So far it seems to be mainly tags but having said that most are pretty impressive although I’m not a huge fan.

I’m sitting at Burnley Station. One thing that I’ve spotted is that different stations have different vibes. Burnley’s just happens to be ultra grotty. Now that I’m travelling on trains I have a greater understanding of the State Labor governments project to upgrade the level crossings and railway stations. It didn’t make too much sense until now.

I’m finding is that you don’t seem to have to wait too long, it looks like a train comes along every 20 minutes or so.

My train is on the Lilydale line. It was 50 years ago that I used this line to get back to my house in Healesville. Back then there was a steam train running from Lilydale to Healesville which meandered through the Yarra River flood plains via Yarra Glen. 

I sort of feel that same sort of freedom that I did back then when I had no car and either caught trains or hitchhiked.

People have an invisible wall around them on trains, that’s my experience so far. As I said earlier I’ll give myself a challenge down the track to start a few conversations. On the other hand it’s sort of nice looking at people sitting in their own privacy, a bit like peering into a diorama full of tiny people going about their lives and having their own private thoughts.

Thursday September 22, 2022

Dear Mel

Allissa rang me late last night worried about your health, she talked about  a low WBC and low leucocytes and their connection to possible body pains and other potential illnesses.

She told me that she had some concern that some of your symptoms could be an indicator of leukaemia. There’s no point in putting attention on that but there is an important need to get an accurate and functional diagnosis.

I sent you a few podcasts to listen too which will hopefully shed more light on the blood and general immune system.

I’m also going to share some experiences I had back in 2020 when I was first diagnosed with cancer.

As you can well imagine I was shattered, lonely and to a degree terrified. Mainly because I had no idea what I was up against. My first inclination was to learn as much as I could based on my respect for the profound powerful simplicity of the concept of the KRC triangle. I’ve written lots about this on my website if you want to read it. The point is that “knowledge” helps you take on a far greater level of “responsibility” for yourself and as a result puts one in a far greater position to have “control” over what is happening.

You know me, I’m an extremist and I had to start from scratch. It looked like Mt Everest but bit by bit I was able to piece the fragments of data together until they started making enough sense for me to feel empowered and to have faith in forging forward in my own direction.

Part of this knowledge was actually getting an accurate diagnosis. Yes, it hit me like a ton of bricks and yes, I was scared out of my wits but at least I was now able to confront what was actually happening in my body which is where the havingness scale came into play.

HAVINGNESS SCALE

Create

Responsible for (willing to control)

Contribute to

Confront

Have

Waste

Substitute

Waste substitute

Had

Must be confronted

Must be contributed to

Created

By confronting that I really did “have” cancer I was then able (with difficulty initially) to “confront” that I had cancer and that I really knew nothing about it. As a consequence of confronting I started learning and trying things out thus “contributing to” my own health and the more knowledge I attained the more I was able to be “responsible for” my own condition and the actions that I had to take to improve my condition. As a result of this I went into “create” and consequently turned it into a positive experience.

I’ve written thousands of words about all of this on my website. The end result proved that I did the right thing and now I feel better than I have in many decades. I’m not saying that there is no chance of the cancer returning but I’m pretty damn confident that it won’t.

So my advice is that you should find a doctor who is willing to go all the way with tests so you can find out what is the underlying physical situation that is causing you problems. I also recommend going to see Dr Eng or even got to Oxymed to talk about getting some intravenous Vitamin C into you. I read that Vitamin C will help raise the WBC. I also appeal to you to learn as much as you can about the immune system, blood, bone marrow etc, etc. It will seem overwhelming at first but it does get easier and more interesting as you improve your understanding. I’m happy to find stuff for you to study but I’m sure you can also do this.

The worst thing you can do is nothing. Whatever is happening has been going on for a long time. From my experience the first and best place to start is to improve yourself physically and then the spiritual stuff follows logically from that.

Wednesday September 21, 2022

I had a shitty dream at about 4a.m, something about spending a whole lot of money in a trade fair in Sydney and then the world was hit with a catastrophe like meteors raining down and I took somebody’s advice not to get on the plane to go to Sydney plus my car was wiped out and I couldn’t even transport my stuff up there. It’s bloody strange how you can turn something so basic and simple into a disaster movie dreamscape. Anyway, I woke up feeling the impact of this dream and closed my eyes again for the security of sleep. Then “A” rang at 8.30am and woke me from my slumber. We spoke for 30 minutes. The best thing about our conversations is that they flow. We can start off talking about one thing and end up on a whole different subject. I should be so lucky!

The plan is to head off to Red Hill later today to pick up the Kitti Narod paintings that were sold while we were in Bali. I’m not really looking forward to the drive but what must be done, must be done.

I’m pretty certain that it is Keith Harwood’s birthday today so I’d better send him a message.

I’ve finally started a communication cycle with Shane Brockdoff which has been interesting. I’ve sent 2 long honest communications and he has sent 1 back. I’m waiting on his reply to the second one. He may or may not reply. That will be interesting. I hope he does. My goal is for it to be cathartic in the sense that it’s about time that I stop having my Scientology nightmares.

I had a win yesterday getting a couple of things done on my list like contacting Sennheiser and Bose about my earphones that need repairing. The next thing that I need to knuckle down on is to spent a bit of time each day on my music. I also brought up the idea of a new project putting together a chronological series of photos of Paul.

Georgie and I are talking between sentences so it’s time to stop writing.

Tuesday September 20, 2022

It’s cold this morning but the sun is out and the sky is blue. I suppose that it’s all relative. My gripe this morning is that the fucking powers that be have all but banned electric scooters. When I get a chance I will write a letter complaining about the illogic.

One thing that I have noticed about myself when it comes to government and big corporations is that I tend to go into apathy not having an actual person who has the power of decision to talk to. They’ve got you by the “short and curlies” while they use that strategy. It’s time to get rid of the labour people in Victoria but are the other guys even worse?

I wrote to Shane Brokdoff yesterday. Shane was my auditor back in 1983 when I did my OT preps auditing. That’s a whole other story for another time. Anyway he is now the senior CS at the AO in Sydney and has been for years. We haven’t really gelled for a long time but the response I got was quite reasonable.

I’ll give it another go.

Hi Shane

I understand what it’s like being in one of those compromised positions when writing. I even tried it on a train the other day but the shaking and jolting helped me decide that listening to music was far easier, so well done on getting such a big comm sent.

Your right about lots happening in the past 45 years. I got into Scientology bright eyed and bushy tailed in 1975 determined to save the world. I think it wasn’t until 1983 when I met you in the AO above Sydney org when you audited me on my PT Preps. That’s a whole other story that I’ll tell you about one day. By then I had left staff and wasn’t about to start my mission for 3 years. Steve Stevens had terrorised me with his evil purposes by then, he was in some sort of lowered condition but had been sent to Melbourne Org on some sort of Mission. He sure as hell didn’t do much for the way I felt about the dark side of Scientology. In actual fact he’s only one of the less than a handful of people who I feel hate toward.

In regard to the experience with cancer the truth is that it made me a stronger and more determined person. The experience also put me in a position where I had to confront all sorts of things and I actually came up the havingness scale on many aspects of life including me, my mind and my body. I now believe that you can benefit and grow, from pretty much any situation, either positive or negative. I also appreciate every moment of life which makes the whole experience pretty wonderful. It’s not an issue in PT, I won my battle with flying colours  and if all goes well I plan to live a healthy, useful and fit life until Im at least 100. I walk 10-20kms each day, eat a ridiculously healthy diet and do loads of things that keep “the 3 of us” (Mind, body and spirt) in good nick.

It’s funny when I talk (or write) to you I feel that I can’t say too much about the wins that I am having in life based on the fact that they are not coming directly from Scientology. This isn’t a reflection of you but somehow through my life’s journey I picked up a strange viewpoint that I had to attribute all of my wins to Scientology and Ron’s writings. I’m not going to continue down this path too much in this comm because I’m putting myself in session. Haha.

My viewpoint on life now is that I have to be willing to respond to outside stimulus in a very fluid way. As Ron said (paraphrased) “In order to learn you have to realise that you don’t know all there is to know.” For me applying this datum to my life works incredibly well and as we now live in a wonderful age of information I find myself willing to change viewpoints as new data is presented to me. I’m a great believer in scientific procedure so far as “There is always a better way and you have to be open to let old ideas go so you can be open to new ones (based on their workability). 

Even though I acknowledge that there are many powerful pieces of information in Ron’s writings, for me there are far too many discrepancies. So that this doesn’t sound like a broad generality I could share some of these if needed but this isn’t the time and place. I was aware of these discrepancies when I was aboard but somehow I made excuses to myself and rationalized.

I understand that helping others is one of the hardest things that you can possibly do. I’ve come to the conclusion that in some ways the best thing that you can do is to set a good example and inspire people by one’s own actions and results. If they are interested enough they might then ask you for help but as you know, ultimately we all have to do the work on ourselves and have our own realisations and epiphanies to grow as beings and to have a greater understanding about what the fuck is going on with this wonderful thing called life.

What I do know Shane is that I love being alive. There are so many wonderful and magical experiences to have, there are so many great individuals out there who we can share ideas and experiences with. There is also some bad shit going on but for now I’m happy to choose my fights.

My plan is to keep learning and hopefully growing, keep my senses (physical and spiritual) in good condition so I can experience change, creativity, knowledge and outside stimuli. In order to do this I need a healthy and fit body (to carry me around) which I’m working on and getting great results with and I need to be inquisitive and alert to what is available  around me so I can have my own realisations that help me to grow and to understand what life and consciousness is all about or maybe just to enjoy existing.

I’m pretty happy with that. If I can help a few people along the way then that’s even better.

I agree with your sentence “I think I have learned a great deal not just about auditing and CSing but about compassion and life ……” 

From my experience Scientology is full of compassionate people with good intentions but as a philosophy it is open to too much interpretations and can be used in a negative way. Too many power trips etc and I’m talking about years of experience. I got a lot out of my years as a Scientologist, many, many positive experiences but at the same time I compromised my reality so much and so many times even though I did have the ability to do things the way I considered them to be true to myself and my own sense of rightness and “compassion”. 

I can’t see myself pursuing just one course anymore. I will always talk positively to others about the parts of Scientology that have worked for me and there are so many. I have no problem with openly sharing these with others and acknowledging Ron for what he did and I also acknowledge that what I did learn and experience has been foundational to my life.

You know I think you are right when you say that our realities are not that hugely different. I really get that.

In regard to general acknowledgment and Paul I’m pretty certain that I have dealt with this although I appreciate you addressing it. I can usually tell if I have some charge or attention stuck on old stuff from the past and I feel pretty cool about these areas.

That’s great news about your daughter having a baby. You beat me and I’m bloody 70 now. Lis is still planning to pop one out at some point and Finn still has years to go to procreate. Anyway, congrats. It must feel great.

I love communication so I’m happy to keep this up but if it’s OK with you “Without any expectations”.

Gary

Monday September 19, 2022

Happy Birthday Paul. You didn’t make it but you would have been 43 today. I did a post for you on my blog.

Georgie is diligently planning next years trip to Europe as part of her 60th birthday celebrations and I am about to ask Kaye for a hand.

Hi Kaye

Georgie’s 60th is fast approaching. We are looking at all sorts of options in regard to celebrations but so far it’s looking like a dinner for immediate family, another dinner for the few close friends that we have in Australia and then a party in Bali after we arrive … probably in the middle of November.

The one thing she wants to do more than almost anything else is to visit Italy. It’s something she has wanted to do since she last visited when she was 20 in 1982. Since deciding this she has spent hours on the computer planning and looking at places she wants to visit. We can probably do it on a budget and not eating breakfasts is sure going to save loads of money. At the moment the plan is to go in May next year.

I wonder if you would consider something. It may not be feasible or maybe it could be. If you have a stash of American Express points and don’t have any plans to use them for flights would you consider donating them to Georgie towards the flights. She’s been looking and the cheapest flights she has found so far is $1700 return to Rome for one person (return). We’ve found all sorts of great ways to move around when we get there for next to nothing and we’ll work out how to pull the money together for accomodation, Museums and food but overall it’s going to cost a packet but I want to do everything in my power to make her dream come true.

Anyway, think about it. If its not a goer for whatever reason I totally understand. Let me know what you think after you’ve had a chance to consider it.

I had 500,000 American Express points but the dogs cancelled them in 2019 when we were late with a payment. I will give it another go but it just keeps going around in circles.

Gary

I got a call from the AO today. Shane Brockdoff has asked to see me which I don’t feel all that good about. This is the message that I am sending him.

Hi Shane

I hope you are well. I just got a call from Adam about getting together with you while you are in Melbourne. I just want to fill you in on my current situation. Firstly I am in a better place … body, mind and spirit than I have been for many decades. I am in love with life and due to many varied factors have arrived in a “happy place”. You probably heard that I had a brush with cancer in 2020/21. That’s pretty much behind me know and I’m healthy and well. Lots of hard work, loads of self discipline and unfortunately piles of money but every cent and every bit of learning, hard work and application was and is worth it. I’m back to my old self and living a healthy and fit life. I completely stopped drinking over 3 years ago and lost huge amounts of weight repairing my body in the process. Unfortunately I left the “about face” a bit late to stop the cancer but my efforts did put me in a position where I was ready to hit it head on when I got the diagnosis. I’m very positive that it won’t metastasize and I follow a very strict protocol to stay healthy. 

As far as my relationship with Scientology goes I am “content”.  By this I mean I have nothing bad to say about it,  no ill feelings, in actual fact I have a greater understanding of the points that are important to me than I ever had and apply them constantly in my day to day life. I have no desire to speak badly about Scientology to anyone and have no animosity or regrets about anything I have ever done apart from my in regard to my father “hat” but that’s not all that relevant anymore. I am happy to assume full responsibility for my life so far. I have my own viewpoints about the direction that Scientology took as a group but these aren’t a lot different than they were when I was involved as a staff member, mission holder and pre clear. I always worked out “ethical” ways to do things my way. There were always points that I could not come to grips with and for me that was OK. I have always been curious about all aspects of life and believe that it is important to have all of the “facts” about people, groups, history, politics etc, etc so I can make myown decisions based upon my own observations and understanding. I won’t go into this in anymore detail now but I want you to know that I have no intention to harm Scientology in any way at all. I have decided to follow my own council in my own life, based on my own observations and realizations and this is working for me.

This may not make a lot of sense to you but I don’t believe that getting together with you to discuss my relationship with Scientology would be a great idea. One, because I do not want to have to explain the reasons why I do not want to be involved and the second point is that we both have our own viewpoints and that is not necessarily a good or bad thing, that’s just the way it works. 

I’ll give you an example. I did a lot of research into the Covid pandemic and the government’s push to do mass vaccination and reached a viewpoint that it was far more viable to get healthy and create a strong immune system than to be vaccinated, although I eventually had Novavax in February because I had to go overseas, but this felt safer based on my research although I would have been happier not to be vaccinated. I also decided that I would not debate my position with anyone who was supportive of the governments stance. It just wouldn’t have been a fruitful discussion and may have ended up having negative implications and even an argument.

We are all entitled to our own viewpoints and that’s a healthy place to be.

I hope this makes sense Shane. If we were going to be talking about music, art or other such things I’d love to get together but the reality is that you will be seeing me from the position of a C/S and a Sea Org member and will have viewpoints and intentions that I will not necessarily agree with. That is also OK.

I’m happy to answer any questions that you want to ask me in writing. I’m pretty certain that I have nothing to hide, I’m happy to be really open and I certainly have no desire to make you wrong because I have a great respect for your lifetime of service to mankind.

So if you want to keep this comm cycle going I’m happy to do it in writing, mainly because I don’t want to be in a position where I feel the need to be defensive or to say anything that would have any sort of negative outcome.

I think you might understand in Melbourne that “the group” have a certain respect for each other and our friendships are important. I believe that there are more people like me out there but I’m not searching them out and have no interest in discussing my viewpoints with them. The only people who I see on any sort of regular basis are Mel, Trinidad, John and Flora and there is a tacit agreement that we do not discuss this subject and they judge me by my actions not what I label myself.

Gary

Sunday September 18, 2022

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Saturday August 13, 2022

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Friday August 12, 2022

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Thursday August 11, 2022

We arrived at Hotel Tjampuan about one hour ago. We will be staying here for the next 2 days. What a blast from the past! I first visited this hotel in 1983, then 86 and 87. It is set in the most beautiful grounds. The room itself isn’t great but overall it’s like being in a beautiful jungle grotto just above a fast flowing river. Close to the room there is a sauna and cold plunge which I’ll definitely need to get into before the day is over.

We are renting the villa for approx 4, 300,00 IDR per day and paying 1,000,000 IDR at Tjampuan so we are a bit over $300 Aust ahead per day.

Day 4 Covid

Everything about covid is calming down. I’m still weary but a lot of the symptoms have diminished and are far milder than they were when it began, Georgie is much the same. I have a bit of mucous in my throat which is thick but clear. I walked to Tjampuan this morning to book our room and I have to admit that this was tiring even though it was a relatively short and easy walk. Apart from this and packing up I slept in again until about 9.30 a.m. I just have to remember that there are no medals for fighting covid. I think the trick is to just accept that I have it and to go with the flow. I’m feeling a bit brain foggy, weary and short of energy but I think that all is well and we are recovering quite well.

In some ways this whole covid experience has put the beginning of our Bali experience on hold but that’s OK because it’s happening and there is no use fighting against it. I’m missing our walks and the extra bit of adventure we get when we go exploring. The plan is to go back to our villa on Friday and then move out again for 7 days on Sunday. We will do to Seminyak and have a long buffet lunch at the Woo Bar. Lis and Tash did this and from all accounts it was fabulous. The cost seems to be about $80 each but what is life without a bit of indulgence. After lunch Made will drive us to Uluwatu where we will stay for at least 2 days before we head off to Nusa Lembongan, a short boat trip from Sanur. We still have to find accommodation but we do have $200 US in AirBnB credits to put toward our journey. An expat we met has given us an idea that it might be smart to rent a scooter on Lembongan as there are no cars and it will also be a safe place to learn how to ride. This will bring us up to August 21 which will be almost half way through our trip.

Wednesday August 10, 2022

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Tuesday August 9, 2022

Day 3 of Covid

Actually Georgie is on Day 5. Last night I slept sporadically due to the fact that I had already been asleep for a good part of the day plus my throat felt like it had razor blades in it evert time I swallowed. I’m still feeling under the weather and quite weary. The body aches are still there but they have diminished significantly.

Allissa left for the airport just after 6 pm and like naughty school children we snuck out to ask if there were any rooms available at Hotel Tjampuhan on Wednesday and Thursday when our guest arrives. Thursday night is available but at this stage Wednesday is booked. I’m postulating that they have a guest cancel.

I got a message from Allissa at about 4 a.m this morning. She arrived back safely to a 2 degree Melbourne pre-dawn. I’m going to miss her now that she’s back in Melbourne.

The way I am feeling right now leads me to believe that I might be out of action for the next couple of days. I really should take a look at the FLCCC website again today to see if I can throw any more light on Covid and anything else I can do to treat it.

It’s interesting when you are feeling under the weather. It is so easy to put your attention on outpoints as opposed to positives. I’m not usually like that but I am feeling a propensity to the negative side of life so I’ve got to be careful today.

Monday August 8, 2022

Day 2 of Covid

Like I said yesterday I feel like I have mini malaria. My body has been in a perpetual state of aching since Saturday night when I started sleeping in the 3rd bedroom. I’ve been in bed for pretty much the whole time. Allissa got me some soup from Warung Mendez last night which I could have done without but on the other hand it was possibly a very wise move to eat it. Apart from that I am taking 24 mg of ivermectin each day as well as a couple of pain killers and one spoonful of green Kratom. I’ve been feeling weary and despondent and I ache all over. Completely different symptoms to the ones Georgie has. 

Allissa is flying back to Australia tonight. She will arrive at dawn tomorrow. I’m going to miss her so much. As I say again and again I really must work out a way to spend more time with her in Melbourne. Georgie started feeing tired on Thursday when we made our trip to Canggu so she’s had it half the time Allissa has been with us. What a bummer. Oh well, the time we did spend together was fabulous.

We now have 2 more days at Villa Tusk before our guests arrive. They’ll be here for 2 days and nights. This will make $700 for us some of which will go towards our reserves and the other to our living expenses for Bali. The plan is to check out Hotel Tjampuhan and see if we can find a good room with a balcony for 2 nights. The grounds art Tjampuhan are glorious and they also have a sauna. Then we are back at Villa Tusk for 2 nights and off on an adventure probably to Nusa Lembongan and Uluwatu for 7 nights. I’m quite excited about this.

Staying at the villa has been interesting. It’s not a bad place to be locked down in. I haven’t been bored and I haven’t really experienced any FOMO. The overall need to always be doing something has diminished. I’ve got loads of time to explore Bali over the next 6 months during our backwards and forwards trips.

I’ve had some wonderful chats to Lis while we have been together on this trip. Our relationship just gets better and better all of the time. I’m so happy about this.

Sunday August 7, 20

Today is Netty’s 68th birthday. I’ve known her for longer than any other living person on Planet Earth. We spent almost 10 years together cocooned in 29 Pridham St East Prahran, the little white safe haven of our early childhood.

I tested positive for Covid this morning. Last night was a bit of a challenge, aching body, weird dreams and over heating. Back in 1987 I visited Lombok and caught malaria. In those days I relied on the medicos 100% and even though it is embarrassing I realized today that I didn’t even know that malaria is a virus. Another life form that has entered my body to read havoc. Back in those days I drank a bit and also suffered unwittingly from insulin resistance and hypoglycaemia. I ended up returning to Australia and being taken in an ambulance to St Vincents Hospital where I laid on a gurney all day with Melanie trying to convince the emergency doctors that I actually had malaria. My body ached, my bones ached, my skin ached … it had been brewing for days. I laid in a bathtub in Bali waiting to get on the plane. Finally the medicos agreed that I did in fact have malaria and they whisked me off to an infectious diseases hospital somewhere near Fairlea Prison. It’s no longer there. This was possibly one of the worse weeks of my life.

Covid is similar but nowhere near as bad. Aches and pains, crabby, short temper and sporadic sleeping.

Saturday August 6, 2022

I’m quite excited to be off to the Moksa Market this morning. This also gives me some sort off anchor in time so I have some sort of reference point in regard to what day it is.

Yesterday was pretty laid back. A big walk with Allissa, rediscovering Gayatri in Sayan on the way. I decided to have a sticky beak. The 2 villas that we stayed in back in 2008, 2009 have been abandoned for years, returning to nature. I wasn’t expecting that. We then walked down to and through the Sayan market and past the banyan tree where Paul ate babi guling all those years ago and back up the track past Mana. It was a big walk, we were probably gone for about 2 hours. Later we walked into Ubud to pick up a few items at the chemist (apotik).

Poor Georgie has been sick, probably sicker than she is letting on. I’ve been making sure that she takes her vitamins and gargles with Betadine. I’m not certain about how much water she drank so I’ll have to keep an eye on that today.

Both Gary and Rosie have tested positive for Covid this week. I suspect that there are a lot more cases around than anyone is letting on as there is no way that the local Balinese are going to want to confront that they have covid. It would simply mean disrupting their lives and financial flows which isn’t an acceptable option. We’ll see what happens as the days go by. I’m still feeling healthy and fit, on top of it and have an optimism that my immune system is in tip top shape.

I slept in bedroom 3 last night. Sleep was good but there is a lot of light coming from the gang which might upset some of the guests. One good thing about sleeping there is noticing what needs cleaning in the bathroom and getting a handle on the general feeling of the room.

I even tested the projector last night. I put up the screen on the back of the big doors to get an idea what it would be like watching shows from the new couches and it worked OK. My screen was a sheet which wasn’t ideal but it did give me the general idea of what it was like. That’s a good enough trial to justify buying a screen. The sound that comes out of the projector was better than I expected but still not ideal so there is more tweeking to do.

Bali is what I wanted it to be. We are possibly spending too much money but that’s OK. As the days go by I will monitor that and put in some sort of budget based on our costs. The Australian dollar floats around 10,000 IDR which seems pretty good considering its’ standing against the US dollar. Our first few days were pretty social. We might have to ramp up the new friends department next week.

Life is what it is wherever you are. You need good health, an active and functioning brain, a thirst for knowledge and a  sense of discovery and adventure wherever you are. I do enjoy getting up a bit earlier in the day and going to bed before 10 pm. I also enjoy being surrounded by people and easy availability of food. I never seem to get what I want to get done in a day but most of the time I’m busy and hardly ever bored. 

We haven’t got any plans for today. I’ll go to Moksa Market and then work out what we’ll do after that.

Friday August 5, 2022

We arrived back in Penestanan around 10 pm last night after a big afternoon and evening in Canggu. We left around 11 am with Made who drove us for the day. First stop was a shop called Samadi which sells healthy food, drinks and kitchenware. Lis had seen some brass cutlery there last week that she thought would work at the villa and she was right, it is perfect and we decided to come back later and purchase it.

Next stop was an oil favourite, Shady Shack in the main drag of Canggu. Good healthy food, great ambience and friendly staff. We each had a different bowl of food each full of healthy morsels. After we finished eating we made our way to Oasis where Lis has stayed last week. Great sauna, gym and cold plunge. We spent a couple of hours there sweating, working out and dipping our bodies in the chilly cold plunge. I felt euphoric when we finished our hot and cold.

Made was waiting for us to resume our journey to Rod and Caroline’s new home on the outskirts of Canggu. We diverted to Samadi to buy our brass cutlery where we had an unfortunate experience with the payment methods. This was eventually resolved and all was well, a bit of a close call but the end result was positive.

The last time we went to Rod’s the build was half complete and his house was teeming with Javanese workers who lived in their own kampong of to the side of the house, which is on 23 ares. 3 months later it is complete apart from a bit of electrical and plumbing work which was held up when the contractor made off with the money in his pocket. The house is striking. Not the sort of place that I would want to live in but Rod has done an amazing job based on their needs and his skill as a designer and builder. The detail is wonderful and is a visual delight.

He cracked a bottle of bubbly which was shared by Allissa, Georgie and Rod while I drank water.

When the sun set and it was time to eat we scratched our collective heads and wondered where we could go that accommodated my dietary needs plus Lis’s as well as had a dog friendly policy so Rod could bring his little dog named Olive who occasionally has an epileptic fit. After a few tense moments we agreed on a place called Yema in Canggu. So back in the car with Made and back to Canggu. Our first impressions were favourable. The space was tastefully done, eclectic and exotic. We were all damn hungry by now and the restaurant was full giving us the impression that the food would also be great. After a bit of a wait we finally got to order. There were a couple of red flags but nothing to hint about what was to come. Rod arrived with Olive and we ordered. After the first hour of waiting we started getting a bit edgy. One by one we approached the staff to find out if they had just forgotten to order our meals or whether we might be invisible and in some alternate reality. The staff muttered lots of propitiative sorries and gave a veiled impression that they meant it but overall they did a shitty job. Finally after 1 hour and 30 minutes the meals started appearing but by now Olive had been through an episode which freaked Rod out enough for him to ask our forgiveness and leave to take her home. So there we were, famished, pissed off and anticipating a decent meal. Oh no, this wasn’t to be. Georgie’s curry was meant to be a tempe curry but appeared as several wonton looking thinks in some yellow sauce. To make matters worse they were still frozen in the middle. Really … it was hard to believe that such an upmarket looking place would have had the audacity to send this shit out on a plate. Lis’s tangine was a bit of chicken with chips in gravy another complete disappointment and my chicken was dry, possibly deep fried even though it was supposed to be half a grilled chicken, it was saved by the broccoli mash with steamed broccoli flowers on top plus my intense hunger. Such a disappointment. After our unbearable wait the food wasn’t fit to feed to a Bali dog, the local Balinese warong would have been 300% better and the poor Yema staff didn’t quite know how to make up for the debacle that we had been subjected to. Finally one of them plucked up the courage to offer to give Georgie her meal for free and offered her a cake to take home. It was so bad that one of the smarter staff very bravely told me that if I wrote down my observations and aggravations on a negative Google review that it would help the restaurant grow. We left, disconcerted and unfulfilled, full of disappointment and almost in despair.

After we got outside we had a short wait for Made and headed home to Penestanan.

Georgie had started feeling ill and head achy in the early afternoon and by now was feeling positively crook.

This morning after a big sleep-in she tested positive for Covid!

Thursday August 4, 2022

It is 7am in Penestanan. The roosters are crowing and an ambient hum of motor scooters mingles with the sounds of birds and insects. It is another mild morning, a perfect time to go walking but Georgie and Lis had a few drinks last night over dinner with our new friends Geoffrey, Michael and Roger. I just have to wait patiently.

Everything to do with expats in Bali seems to run on 6 degrees of separation. Part of our purpose for spending time in Bali is to meet new and interesting people. Life in Mooroolbark verges on loneliness, even if we went door knocking chances are that we wouldn’t find more than a handful of people who we could have a decent conversation with. Georgie’s childhood friend Stuey Gemmel  gave her the name of a couple who live in the main residential gang of Penestanan Kelod almost opposite Kemulan, my new favourite restaurant in Penestanan. In our haste to meet people she contacted them and got a very positive response, something like “any friend of Stueys is a friend of ours.” They live a 5 minute walk away from Villa Tusk. You never know what to expect when you meet new people for the very first time, it’s somewhat like a blind date with 50/50 odds depending on how much you already know about the people you will be meeting. In this case I knew zilch apart from the contact with Stuart and the fact that they were gay. Now that I can look back I must say that we had a great night. There is still a huge amount to learn about each of them which is always a good sign and I look forward to meeting them again.

Just as we were leaving their villa to walk to the restaurant I noticed a couple of distinct features in their villa that had a familiarity about them, a table, a light fitting, a general vibe. These features had something in common with Villa Tusk but I couldn’t put my finger on what it might be. Turns out that the person who built their villa was the owner of Villa Tusk and not only that, Geoffrey and Michael had their hearts set on renting Villa Tusk (then called Joglo Putih) long term back when they first arrived in Bali in 2010. But as fate called it Ana who then lived in Villa Tusk himself talked them into building on their current location.

Even though it has now been well over 3 years since I had my last drink I was still impressed that I could sit through a night of serious drinking and eating not being tempted to fall off the wagon or to over indulge in food or even more precisely, food that I know I cannot eat. So when I woke up this morning there was no need for remorse or self incrimination and I feel full of beans and ready to immerse myself in the pleasures of life.

Wednesday August 3, 2022

Our second day in Bali begins. We arrived late on Monday night to a somewhat cooler Bali to the one we had left 2 months earlier. The airport was busy considering the late time of the evening and the lines were long to accomodate the Covid protocols that have overtaken airports worldwide over the past 3 years. It’s all for show really, I don’t think anyone really cares anymore. Now it’s just part of the way things are done!

We had 100 kgs of luggage with us. Guess what, there were no trolleys available at the airport. This is the very first time that I’ve ever not been able to find a trolley. I did eventually find one but it was broken, with a stuck left back wheel that wouldn’t turn making it actually harder to push because it dragged on the ground acting like a brake. Oh well, this was my only option and I had to make it work simply because there were no alternatives. Because of the dodgy wheel it felt like 300 kgs dead weight so I pushed for about 50 metres at a time and then had to stop rest, slow my heart down and wipe the newly formed sweat off my brow, this diminished down to 25 metres runs as I made my way through the airport like an itinerant miner pushing a trolley full of rocks. Because no-one else knew about my dodgy wheel I must have looked like a dramatising fool but I had no alternative. What started off as a pleasant arrival ended in a nightmare, finding broken trolleys along the way and transferring the baggage only to discover the found trolleys were actually in worse condition to the one that I had. After 30 minutes of gargantuan effort we finally got out and met Made and Purnami but by now I was drenched with sweat and my heart was racing, my pride was also cut up and I wanted to cry out to everyone around me to explain my plight. 

None of it mattered when we finally got into the car with Made and Purnami and began our late night sojourn to Penestanan chatting about our return to Bali, bitching about Melbourne’s winter and also the guests who had visited the villa over the past 2 months. It was like nothing had changed and we hadn’t left Bali earlier this year in May to return to the long premature, cold Melbourne winter.

Tuesday August 2, 2022

Monday August 1, 2022

It’s strange when you have been waiting for a day to come and it finally arrives. Should you feel gratitude or just accept it as another moment in time? I don’t really know but what I do know is that I have 5 hours to get all of my cycles complete before I hop in the car to drive to the airport. The plane doesn’t leave until 5.45 but Georgie and Finn have deemed that 1.30 is the optimum time to begin our journey.

This will be the longest that we have spent apart from Finn since he was born but hey, he’s 22 years old and doesn’t need the love and care that a 10 year old needs and even more importantly he has to find his own feet and friends. Mt fingers are crossed that he will go to the gym and boxing on a more than regular basis. I’ve done what I can when it comes to food and vitamins the rest has to be up to him.

Where was I when I was 22? I was living in Healesville and had been away from home for almost 4 years. I’d been through my loneliness and had found my feet. I cooked, I earned money albeit not too much and 1975 was just around the corner. In light of my own experience this is OK. Finn will survive and possibly survive better than he might with us in the house. After all we just watch television each night and say hardly any words to each other. It will be OK.

It has been about 90 minutes since I got on the plane. Another plane, another trip to Bali. Bali, my second home. This will be my longest stay yet. Now that we have our own villa it feels more like home than ever. 

The first time I set foot on Bali was almost 40 years ago. Sure it was different then but still much the same in so many ways. I wonder what Penestanan looked like back then when we stayed 5 minutes walk from where Villa Tusk is now located at the exotic Hotel Tjampuhan. I don’t think that we ever walked up the hill to Penestanan back then. I have to be honest I don’t remember much at all apart from dim memories of the pool and our little room that had no electricity or running water and our houseboy named Karta who is now an old man like me. If all goes as planned we will spend 2 nights at Hotel Tjampuhan in mid August when we rent Villa Tusk out for 2 nights to make a bit of extra money to help cover the costs of our trip.

Villa Tusk has 2 purposes. First and foremost it is our home in Bali, our base, our anchor but it also needs to make enough money to pay back the original money that we put into it as well as making us a bit of a living. So far so good, we have got off to an optimistic start with bookings throughout most of July and several while we are here over the next 6 weeks. The best thing about this is that it will give us an opportunity to explore Bali while we have guests. Georgie has already planned out several locations to stay at. Another goal that we both have is to find and develop new friendships. We are off to a good start and will meet more new people in the first week of our arrival. The other comforting thing is that Allissa is already in Bali. She’s been there for almost 2 weeks I think, it’s so easy to lose track of time. She will be staying with us until she leaves to return to Australia on August 8th.

One of my highlights is rising when the sun comes up and going “jalan jalan”, walking in the early hours through the rice paddies and up mountain ridges, sometimes getting lost which is getting harder and harder now that Georgie has mastered Google maps. There are so many places that we haven’t explored yet  and that’s what I’m excited about on this trip. My plan is to get Made to drive us somewhere that we haven’t been before and drop us off, then we can make our way back to Penestanan before 9 am and then off to a yoga class or a sauna and workout at the gym at Parq.

The trip is going to be about health, we’ll being and friendships, eating well and exploring future business possibilities and ideas.

We are now more than 5 hours into the flight. It looks like we might arrive a bit early but I’m not certain. I feel better than I normally feel on a flight which might be a reflection of my overall health and condition, in actual fact I dodged the cold that Georgie and Finn had last week so it looks like my immune system is happy and well. I’m looking forward to touching down and getting in Mades car for our trip up to the villa. Hopefully we won’t arrive too late.

Sunday July 31, 2022

We will be leaving for Bali in a bit more than 24 hours. I’m pretty certain that I have most things under control. I’ve got my lists and if all goes as planned I should have everything packed by tonight. Our plane leaves tab 5.45 tomorrow.

I’ve got quite a few meals ready for Finn but still need to do some work on vitamins.

I always tend to overcompensate when I’m about to travel . That’s just part of my “DNA”.

I don’t think I’m going to get to many words out today so I’ll get on with my tasks.

Saturday July 30, 2022

# viewpoints

When I was about 10 years old I hit a wall. I lost my innocence to a degree, not in the normal way that a 10 year old would lose their innocence but in a more deep seated philosophical manner. I started to wonder. I attempted to answer a question that came from the inner depths of my being and my own consciousness. How I formulated this question I have no idea. Maybe it was the threat of nuclear war in the early 1960s, anyway that’s what I’ve always put it down to. It’s natural to wonder. It’s challenging to confront oneself with questions that can’t be answered, especially when you have no support system of peers or even others who are willing to discuss your thoughts and feelings with you.

This transition seemed to set me apart from others. I felt a bit set apart and even crazy at times. This was the beginning of a new phase of my relatively new life that has in many ways been my compass ever since.

That was 60 years ago.

I still haven’t really answered that question although at times during my life I thought I had. But here I am in 2022 finding myself accepting that whatever is to be is inevitable and that fighting against it, pretending or getting too deep into the dark hole that is so easy to manifest is futile.

The trick is to simply celebrate the magic of conscious existence at all times and as a logical extension of this to keep the body that I inhabit as healthy, strong and fit as I possibly can so it can carry me on my journey for as long as possible.

The way things are at the moment in the world of science there is no doubt that it will wear out at some point and will return to the earth that it arose from. The trick is to relish each and every moment that I keep it alive because for all I know my consciousness, my awareness, my creativity, my ability to communicate, have ideas and share them with others might be intrinsically tied to the components that make up what I have always considered to be my vehicle.

It’s so easy to mistake the flesh for oneself. If you asked me to answer without any delay then I would say that I am seperate but in that answer is a maze of questions that I am not yet equipped to answer.

So back to 1962.

The feeling I had seemed to come in a dream or maybe it could have been called a nightmare because it put terror into my very essence. For fleeting moments I almost grasped some sort of cognisance but like a firefly dropping out of the sky it was gone before I could explore it.

Looking back now I realise that we all must have this question at some point in our lives.

“What the fuck am I doing here?”

The problem is that when you apply this question against the physical universe … Matter, Energy, Space and Time it gets pretty damn convoluted. Especially if you lack any understanding of physics, biology, chemistry even though these are all subjects that are full of “answers” and observations that are constantly changing. Man as a species is inquisitive and continues to delve into the depths of observation to dive deeper and deeper into the immense complexity of physical existence.

I’m now going to attempt to describe what it was like for me back then in those days when I was cocooned in a tiny house with a relatively insular family surrounding me and a mother who protected me from the harshness of life.

The closest words I can come up with to explain my conundrum are “What if I die and I am not even aware that I am dead …. Being dead and being aware that I am dead seemed somewhat to be a far more acceptable condition, at least that would mean that I still existed. The terror came when I tried to explore being nothing forever. Ironically I wasn’t even really able to conceive what “being nothing” could possibly be. As a child this was far too much, overwhelming in its immensity for somebody who had just begun to glimpse outside the matrix for what appeared to be the very first time.

When I say it came in the form of a dream I mean I would wake up feeling perplexed and trapped, my head spinning and full of a feeling of futility. The only words that I could ever come up with to describe this feeling was that I had just spent a huge amount of time and energy creating something and then at the last minute I lost it all. That was what lay at the foundation of this feeling. Loss. But it was greater than that. The loss seemed to be immense and I had no control of my reaction to it.

I was like a black hole with no beginning or no ending, just deeper and deeper, trapped and embraced by terror.

It sounds horrible! It was.

As I grappled with this moment I looked upon myself as a shining light that simply existed now. I looked back and wondered whether I had just appeared out of nowhere but at the same time I also tried to fathom time immemorial or the apparent infinity that existed before my birth. Could I have been part of it? The idea of not relying on the physical universe to gauge my existence was pretty much impossible to conceive. I still grapple with time and even though I know that it exists as an intrinsic part of the physical universe I also know that it cannot exist without space, change or motion.

For now the physical universe seems like home. I suppose that looking at it simplistically we all get used to where we live and the concept of home has a sense of security attached to it.

Friday July 29, 2022

My attention has gone onto a) my ivisalyne braces and how to get them on and off and b) improving my gym work. This seemed to be evident yesterday but it’s all with good cause. For the past 2 days I have only eaten a solid lunch because so far taking of the braces is such an ordeal that I’m currently only prepared to do it once a day and that has been at lunch time. This means no breakfast and a smoothie for dinner. That’s been OK for now. Even if I choose to have a snack it doesn’t happen, I couldn’t even contemplate it.

On the other hand the gym was a pleasant experience. My body was well rested and as such I could push it a bit harder. I’m feeling the results of that workout this morning. Maybe the most positive thing about our visit to the gym last night was that Finn spent his time with the boxing coach and came out dripping with sweet and totally spent. If this can continue while we are in Bali all will be well in the world of Finn.

OK. It’s the Friday before we leave for Bali. “A” is there and we’ll get to spend a week with her which I’m really looking forward to. I’m setting up the food for Finn, this is going pretty well. The meals are a lot more diverse this time than when I prepared food on the last trip so hopefully this will inspire him to eat them. I’ll spend some more time today making meals and do a bit more food buying, for example a few instant Street Kitchen curries. Then there’s the vitamins.

Thursday July 28, 2022

Wally Cleaver has died at age 77. Chances are strong that I will now make it to an older age than Wally who along with Beaver defined a small part of my childhood. At least from 5 years old until we moved to Bentleigh. Sad and somewhat enlightening how culture can be beamed into your life. In many ways shows like this glorified the post war years and the American dream was pushed down our throats. Even nasty little shits like Eddy Haskell were made to look sort of normal. The USA certainly got good at marketing, even MAD magazine which was having a go at all things American worked in their favour. I even thought that Pizzas were created in America because of a strip that I coveted and remember well until this day that appeared in this Water E Neuman extravaganza.

The American Century is now pretty much over, its just that they haven’t totally accepted it yet.

So I have my invisaline braces in my mouth. Overall I am very happy with these compared to the metal ones that had the ambience of “weasels ripped my flesh”. The big challenge is going to be taking them off and putting them back on twice each day. Yesterdays effort was a disaster but things can only get better. Or so I hope.

Today has started with a chilled feel to it. It will be a day of packing and preparation. If I can pull this off the next few days will be a breeze and our trip to Bali with be smooth and relaxed. There are a few important things that need to be addressed like cleaners, car issues, electricians, freight but overall it should be fine and event free.

One of the important things that I have to do today is to get Finn to the gym and me as well for that matter.

Looks like nothing is going to spill out of the cracks this morning. The thoughts are pretty “clean” so there is no real need to continue writing.

Evening

Finn and I just returned from a workout at the gym. Finn did an intense boxing workout and came out smelling like a salami, wet T shirt and a sweaty brow. This may begin a new era!

Wednesday July 27, 2022

I’m about to hit the road to go to the dentist to get my new invisiline teeth braces fitted. It has been such a better experience having the wire braces of and the plastic retainers on so my hope are high that the invisline option will be far more humanitarian.

As the days go by and our flight gets closer I feel like the walls are closing in but I still have almost everything under control. It will be a matter of organisation and co-ordinating all the activities and jobs that need to be done. The big one is food for Finn.

So today I need to prepare the refrigerators and put what I have already done in the freezers, buy some containers and generally get the food under control.

Tuesday July 26, 2022

There are certain things in life that you just can’t let get you down, anticipation of as small sum of money could be one of them. We just had a guest cancel a week at the villa in August. This was money that we had been relying on to pay for our Bali trip but what the hell. I could make a list of positives as long as my arm right now. So apart from a slight twinge of loss all is well and I’ll do everything in my power to have a good day.

Georgie has a bad cold or a flu or maybe even covid. She’s not testing positive on a RAT so that’s a good thing for us and our pending departure. The point is that I should be happy and content wherever I am. The chances that I’ll get covid appear to be less than I first suspected. Is it that my immune system is fired up and my thymus is happily producing T cells to combat invaders or is it just luck. That question remains to be answered.

After having said all of that I have that feeling of ambient anxiety again this morning. I slept through the night and seemed to have had a decent night’s sleep possibly due to the sautéing and cold plunging we did at the Peninsular Hot Springs late yesterday. I swear, I never seem to know conclusively what influences what. I’m just pretty happy overall that I am healthy and well and seem to be doing better than I have in several decades.

P.S I did better with Georgie yesterday. No disputes, no arguments. My reflections yesterday morning seemed to help.

Tuesday Night 

Magic happened this morning after I wrote my morning “conversation with myself”. Almost immediately after I wrote about our English guest cancelling we got another 7 day booking from a new guest from Palm Springs in the US.

Monday July 25, 2022

Sleep has morphed into a bit of a battle last week, maybe after once again starting the cancer medicine that Dr Eng had suggested. My sleep is interrupted by abundant wake ups during the night that seem to last a lot longer than they really do. The end result has been a lower than 8 hour sleep pattern and a feeling of weariness that permeates my days. The other big change of course is my plastic retainers that I got from the dentist on Tuesday last week.

On a positive note, I have made a lot of progress on meals for Finn. Apart from the obvious daily meals for Finn and Georgie I got about 15 meals prepared for him yesterday, all ready for the freezer. It’s a big job to do this properly but I feel a need to be responsible and at least have them there for Finn to eat if he wants to. I also got some chicken rissoles made so in actual fact I got a lot more done than 15. This will continue today.

I also got in a walk and a sauna and cold plunge. No gym and no guitar practise.

My Relationship with Georgie

Each morning I wake up with the goal of having a great time together without any arguments, disagreements or even small clashes. Overall we get along pretty well considering that we spend almost every waking moment together. But I’ve got to be doing something wrong because she is constantly telling me that I am horrible to her and that I have to change. The thing is that she’s right whichever way you look at it because there is absolutely no point in me defending my position or saying that my intentions were not as she suspected or that I didn’t intentionally do or say something to attack her. From my end it seems like evaluation and accusation of doing something that I’m not doing but no matter what I say she won’t believe me. Defending my position or saying that what she perceived to have happened was different from my viewpoint doesn’t get me anywhere except into more quicksand.

It appears to me that what she wants more than anything is “me being nice to her” and agreement. “What you should have done/said is …..” I find that really hard because I spent a good part of my life pretending to do what others wanted of me, especially on the 3rd dynamic. Deep down I generally figured out how to do things my way and maybe that’s what goes wrong with Georgie. Am I willing to compromise with her viewpoints. 

We both acknowledge that in many areas that we have different tastes which is in actual fact quite true. She also seems to think that I am the boss and she is second fiddle which I find really difficult to come to grips with because from my perception she is generally the one who makes the decisions.

None of that really matters, what matters is that I need to work out a way that we can have more harmony, less conflict and more overall agreement. This will be up to me to monitor my reactions.

One thing for certain is that I feel constricted being holed up at home so much. I get up in the morning and have to roam around the house quietly, in silence with no music and no overt noise for fear of waking Georgie and Finn up. That sort of sets the tone for the day and I suppose I have a bit of resentment feeling like I am in a dark cage where silence is the preferred state. I love the idea of being able to get up and clamber around the house with loud music on and big booming voices to set the pace for the day ahead. Putting a lid on all of this builds up steam. I suppose that I can vaguely resolve this by putting music on quietly for now, finding music that is acceptable and not playing it loud enough to upset anyone.

I’ve also got to stop getting into tit for tat. This definitely doesn’t work. In fact, it exacerbates the problem and possibly seems to Georgie that I am mounting an attack on her which I suppose is correct. Does it really matter who is wrong and who is right. Just letting things flow is not really going to alter the outcomes in real life. Our relationship sometimes seems like a competition and maybe what Georgie wants from me is more support and co-ordinated activity.

I’ve noticed that I have to drive things. For example, if I stop walking then Georgie won’t go out on her own. I nag her about what she is eating and how her actions are adversely affecting her gut but at the same time I am not doing any research and sharing it with her. Maybe I should dig out the Second Dynamic book and re-read one particular article on pan determinism and responsibility in a relationship. I certainly do not agree with everything he says but there are some pearls of wisdom scattered amongst the misogynistic stuff.

So today my task is to consciously react in a positive manner toward Georgie and find as many points of agreement as I possibly can.

Sunday July 24, 2022

The days are whipping by. I won’t get everything that Id like to do done before we leave but today will be the crucial planning day and if I can schedule myself out I’ll be happy.

The villa has quite a few bookings but things have slowed down a bit as far as new bookings go. We must spend some time each day studying AirBnB strategies.

Unless I mine a stream of wisdom or find something to confront in the next few minutes it looks like today will be a doing day as opposed to a writing day.

My deep sleep was fucked last night. I had lots of hours but my deep sleep was only about 15 minutes with about 2 hours of REM. Time to stop listening to podcasts all night plus maybe the sleep apnea machine is impacting my sleep. Unknown…..

2.15 PM

So far I’ve made about 12 meals towards Finn’s Bali time provisions and been on an hour walk. I got up at 9am and 5 hours have simply slipped by. Next is a bit of buying for Bali and Red Hill and then gym with Finn and after that a sauna and plunge. We’ve decided that tomorrow we’ll go to the Peninsula Hot Springs while we are doing house renovations.

Saturday July 23, 2022

I just spoke to “A” in Canggu, Bali. We’ll be there in one week (plus 2 days)… the funny thing is that in some ways I am nervous about going but still anticipating the trip with a great deal of excitement. The nervous thing is about getting everything done before we leave, Finn’s food, vitamins, packing, finance. It’s interesting too watch … a slight hum of background anxiety which on inspection doesn’t really exist. Some people feel like this every day of their lives. It is just a feeling that there is something that you should have done but haven’t, something slightly bad that might happen in the not too distant future but probably won’t, a feeling of needing to be somewhere but forgetting where it is. Totally uncalled for and completely unproductive.

My big culinary accomplishment for yesterday was slow cooking a shoulder of lamb. I prepared the slow cooker, meat, veggies and bone broth the night before I started cooking it by sealing the meat in a frypan and also browning the onions, garlic and carrots that were going into the slow cooker. Then I poured in a litre of freshly prepared bone broth and put it on slow at 8 am in the morning. When we got back I reduced the liquid in a frying pan and added some red wine and a can of tomatoes. This created a beautiful rich sauce or joue as Georgie called it.

The get together with Nettie, David, Keith and Gracie was fabulous yesterday. The Abbotsford Convent was the perfect place to meet. I was quite surprised how I connected with Grace. She was aware of my existence through looking at me as a child standing next to Netty in the family photos on the wall at McKinnon and was surprised to meet what must look like an old man to her. Anyway, to cut to the chase she took to me much better than anybody thought that she would. Sweet girl who I must stay connected to. She might end up being quite special.

Friday July 22, 2022

“A” is well and truly back in Bali. Her friend arrived yesterday afternoon and now they are in party mode. I’m sure they will still be asleep. It’s 9 days until we leave.

I started purchasing food for Finn’s meals yesterday. I even started cooking casseroles last night, which went down quite well. 

Georgie is still in bed and staying warm, yes, it’s another cold morning but overall that’s OK because the sun will come out later and all will be well. Yesterday was a bit of a set day for me. I needed to let my body recover a bit from all the walking and weights that have been happening over the past few days.

I’ll be doing oxygen this morning and then catching up with Netty at the Collingwood Convent. I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I saw her but it is well over a year. We’ll also be seeing Mel and Trinidad, picking up a mirror for Red Hill and then visiting Kaye on the way home. That sort of says it all for today but I will go to the gym and have a sauna later on today to wrap up what might be quite a social day.

I’ve had a boost of “empathy input” over the past few days. I’m finding that listening to people talk about love, compassion and even faith is pretty inspiring. I’ve always believed that it is very, very important to be able to imagine what it is like to be in the other person’s shoes but I’ve never associated that with the concept of love. At the same time, I’ve never put 2 and 2 together when it comes to faith. There is no way that I’m going to start believing in a god figure or organised religion but I’ve also resigned myself to being happy to believe in some sort of future existence after the current lifetime. I’ve become a bit cynical of late but I don’t think I’ve ever really dumped my belief in a continued existence of some sort even though I have to admit it’s going to be a challenge whichever way it pans out. May I need to start looking at it like a potential adventure instead.

The point is that my biggest job now is to stay healthy and fit so I can enjoy what is left of this time around. That’s where I’m focusing my attention and energy. Overall I’m doing pretty well.

This morning I’m running out of time to get the in depth writing that I like to get done due to the above time constraints so I’ll wrap it up for now.

Thursday July 21, 2022

First observation this morning is that after I had a hot bath last night before bed my HRV went up significantly, by up to 40% higher. Could it have been the bath? I don’t know, but I’ll try it again.

I also had an interesting dream about a very conservative religion that wanted to stay the same because it believed that its power was in the fact that it never changes. I was stuck in the middle between the conservative backbone of the group and a cohort of new members who had some great ideas which were highly effective but would have caused a schism within the religion. What a predictable situation!

AirBnB

There’s more to operating an AirBnB house apart from 4 walls, a few nice pieces of basic furniture and a swimming pool.

We have a property in Penestanan, Bali. Penestanan is just on the periphery of Ubud, in actual fact you could get way with calling it Ubud without lying. It’s a relatively quiet village that’s claim to fame was once being called “The Young Artist Village” based on the association with a European artist named Ari Smitt who helped a group of young Balinese to learn to paint back in the 1950s. Their style of art became known as “young artist”.

Apart from that and more importantly for us it is the village that we call home when we are in Bali. We have a long history with this area that goes back 40 years.

A Short History

Almost 4 years ago we made our first trip back to Bali in 10 years. The magic was so infectious that we decided to find a property in Bali that we could call out own. After several false starts and almost a whole year of looking on and off we found our house. 

The villa was based around a genuine Javanese joglo and even though it was tired and needed lots of love and affection the feel and location were perfect. The land was 1000 sq metres and it was situated down a skinny, winding laneway (gang) that snaked off the main road through Penestanan.

We made design plans and decided on renovations, signed a 20 year lease with a 10 year option and started work. The first stage was digging a hole for a beautiful swimming pool that Georgie designed. 

Then Covid reared its ugly head. Teeth and all. The years went by with Georgie supervising the renovations on a daily basis over WhatsApp. She had the patience of an angel, albeit a frustrated and somewhat angry angel at times. Finally in May 2022, 2 and a half years after we signed the lease the villa building and renovation was ready to be furnished and turned into a home full of beautiful art, artefacts and most importantly ‘the love” that we put into any of our houses. When we arrived the bare bones were there, the garden had recovered from being a building site and was lush and tropical, the pool was majestic sitting right next to the living room with its grand bi-fold doors that opened up the joglo to the cool water.

We approached the “genesis” of our new home in Bali with passion, armed with rolls of original paintings that we had rolled and transported on our flight. We scoured Bali for interesting bits and pieces, mirrors, furniture old antique doors. We found a framer to stretch and frame the original canvases and art prints that we had bought with us. We took fabrics and wall hangings that we had purchase a couple of years earlier in Rajasthan.

We approached the project with love, passion and enthusiasm . This was our home in Bali after all. We wanted it to reflect our sense of design and personalities. There were moments when we realized that we had overshot our budget, cringeworthy moments when we had to decide to suck it up and keep going.

By the time that we were ready to leave Bali to return to the Melbourne winter we had pretty much created our own oasis in Penestanan. We were ready to get our photos done for AirBnB.

 

Wednesday July 20, 2022

“A” arrived in Bali happy and well, without any issues and even got through the airport smoothly and without incident. She’s now at the villa, the perfect place to stay on her first night. I’ll talk to her a bit later before she leaves for Canggu.

I have a bit of a list to get through today but will start this very cold morning in the bath which I have filled with epsom salts. I’ve emptied the dishwasher and cleaned up a bit but there is a lot more to do fun the kitchen.

I picked up and “installed” my new retainers for my teeth yesterday which I will have in for the next couple of weeks until the invisiline braces arrive. A bit awkward and a touch painful but that was to be expected. I’ve got to live with this for now until everything goes back to where it belongs.

I’m still amazed at how therapeutic journalling is. Since I have been doing it as a daily ritual my level of ruminating has dropped to 1 from about a 9. I’m pretty certain that by doing all of my “looking” early each morning I get my day set up without having a whole lot of thoughts in my mind spinning around like a noisy carousel at a smelly fair ground. I’m pretty certain that if I could get people doing this, even if just a few sentences to start with that they would be able to change their lives for the better, even if it might be only a bit initially.

Tuesday July 19, 2022

“A” leaves for Bali today. I’ve packed a bag and prepared some food for her to eat before she gets on the plane. If all goes as planned she will spend the first night at our villa in Penestanan and be picked up by Made.

Finn is at Josh’s house in Yarraville and may possibly have Covid. Whichever way the ball rolls he definitely has a bad cold and needs some love and care today.

We are heading to South Yarra this morning for me to have HBOT and then visit the dentist at noon. Georgie will go to “A” apartment with the bag and food while I am in the chamber.

Yesterday was a better day for food. I made a yummy bone broth and veggie soup in the morning and this plus a couple of whey smoothies and a couple of pieces of black chocolate were the main staple for yesterday.

The next hurdle we need to overcome is to not get Covid before we leave for Bali in less than 2 weeks. Whether we take ivermectin every day if Finn has Covid or whether we just take a chance I’m not certain yet. I’m pretty confident that we will be OK.

Hiit

I came upon an example of a version of HiiT that might work for both Georgie and I yesterday. It involves several simple exercises that you do through 10 times really fast 3 times a day, over time you build up to 20. Apparently this is enough to dump enough nitrous oxide to get the benefits of a HiT session. I’ll try it for the first time a bit later today. Anything to help create more mitochondria. I’ll also go to the gym today but Finn certainly won’t be coming.

Monday July 18, 2022

Current Cancer Strategy

Melatonin

Metformin 500 mg twice daily

Naltrexone 4.5 mg

Mebendazole and Fenbendazole 500 mg twice daily

HBOT

KETOGENIC DIET – GOAL GKI 1 – 2

SAUNA AND COLD PLUNGE

Exercise and Weight Training

Intermittent Fasting

Supplements

Oura Ring for sleep tracking

I am moving into a whole new phase with my cancer maintenance. From all signs and based on all tests there is no detectable cancer tumours in my body although there is a low level of circulating tumour cells which have the potential to become tumours down the track.

Having said that, I do not believe that this is the time and place to become complacent. I firmly believe that it is now my responsibility to keep up the pressure on myself to create a healthy, strong and fit body that has a well functioning immune system and the capacity to repair itself.

From the anecdotal experience so far I believe that this can be achieved with a good healthy diet and time restricted eating, no junk food, constant attention to blood sugar levels and insulin behaviour, the use of re-purposed drugs and medicines as directed by my integrative doctor, intermittent IVs (mainly Vitamin C), exercise and weight training, intermittent hyperbaric oxygen treatments, sauna (both hot and infra red) and cold plunge when possible, continued research and study, testing where applicable, journalling, stress management, good effective sleep.

I am going to look at this as my maintenance phase. A lot of what I need to do will not cost a great deal of money but there are certain aspects and protocols that will need to be financed like testing (RGCC, Blood tests etc), HBOT, IVs, supplements and medicines.

The added bonus for me is that all of these activities will enhance my health and potential longevity which will in turn translate into a very viable quality of life.

The pressure and energy that I had used understanding and strategising against the cancer can now be put toward supporting healthy cells, efficient metabolism and physical maintenance.

I’ll go over each of these points below.

Ketogenic Diet and Time Restricted Eating

From what I have understood cancer cells operate in a completely different fashion to healthy cells. By remaining on a healthy and relatively strict ketogenic diet I will be able to limit glucose as a fuel to help the cancer cells proliferate. It looks like ketones can be an efficient fuel for both my body and brain. One of the reasons why this will work better for me is the discipline factor. I will strive to keep my blood sugar as close to 4 as possible and my ketones between 2 and 4.

I will also continue to restrict my eating window to a maximum of 8 hours a day. This has worked well over the past 3 years and has also helped me to lose excess weight and to now keep it stable. From time to time I plan to cut back to one meal a day and the occasional prolonged fast. 

In recent times I have started enjoying a few too many keto treats so I’ll need to wean myself off these. When it all boils down it’s just a matter of FOMO because food is essentially fuel and its purpose is to supply micro nutrients, fat and protein to help my body to create energy to run and repair itself. I’ve noticed that the more I indulge the more I want to continue to indulge. I’ve proven that I can do it over the past 3 years so I just need to apply a bit more self discipline.

The other aspect of food that I must focus on is the quality. All my food should be grown or raised as naturally as possible so that what I do put into my mouth is clean fuel that will be effective in doing its job.

Re-Purposed Drugs,Medicines and Supplements

Cancer cells are immortal. They don’t die on their own like normal healthy cells which subject themselves to self imposed suicide called Apoptosis. I’m not going to pretend to understand the amazing magic of cellular interaction and energy production. I may need to learn about this “in another lifetime” because it is a miracle that I would love to understand. It’s just one of the wonders of existence that is so immense, on the same scale as the infinite universe with its countless planets, solar systems, galaxies et all. For now I just have to accept that it is a miracle to be alive and to possess consciousness.

The thing about cancer cells is that they need to be killed. Looking at it simplistically then I need to create a hostile environment for my cancer cells to exist in. This would be a healthy, highly oxygenated, nutrition dense lacking in chronic inflammation as much as is humanly possible. This would put stress on the cancer cells and make it harder for them to proliferate and exist. During my treatment I used radiation, HBOT and IV’s to attack and kill the cancer cells. This seems to have worked. It is now my task to clean up any circulating tumour cells that might be making their way through my blood stream or that are even lodged in some part of my body waiting for the perfect conditions to start splitting and forming another tumour.

That’s where the re-purposed drugs and medicines like naltrexone, melatonin, metformin and other impressive sounding drugs come into play. There is enough empirical information around to take a chance that these drugs will do something to actually kill the errant cancer cells that still exist. I may or may not spend time studying the research that has been done on these medicines and their effect on cancer but for now I will make them a part of my protocol to ride my body of future potential cancer.

Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy

It is a scientific fact that cancer cells thrive in a hypoxic environment. HBOT helps the body create new arteries and capillaries, a process called angiogenesis. My understanding is that these new supply lines can help get more oxygen to various parts of the body that might need to repair itself thus creating a “dangerous” environment for the cancer cells. A tumour can create its own supply lines as well but from what I have understood the increased saturation of the blood plasma with oxygen can help break down the angiogenesis created to supply the tumour as the system created by the cancer is quite fragile. I’m sure that there is more to it than this but I’m happy with that much information for now and it deems my efforts fortuitous enough to continue doing HBOT intermittently.

Journalling

I enjoy writing. I used to enjoy using a fountain pen and paper, I still do so on a daily basis but mainly to create lists now in a beautifully bound journal that I use for this purpose. Banging my 2 pointer fingers against a computer keyboard seems to be a far more efficient way of reviewing my viewpoints, thoughts and challenging my understanding. I do this pretty much every morning and occasionally write a blogpost on some aspect of what I have learned and applied. Not only does this help me put all the bits of data together but it helps me to understand. This is how and when I have my realisations and epiphanies. They are like little steps in a huge staircase, each step I take gets me closer to a greater understanding albeit slowly.

Sauna and Cold Plunge

We have an infra red sauna in our home. I did a real lot of saunaing during my recovery period last year, even doing a burst of 90 minute sessions for 30 days in a row at one point. It’s still winter and our pool is very, very cold so heating up my core temperature, sweating and plunging into the very cold water has got to do something positive to create a certain amount of stress on my body to get my immune system fired up. I’ll do this until we leave for Bali in 2 weeks and then try my best to have 3 saunas a week while we are in Bali. The other plan I have here is to get the hint Tylo sauna that I purchased a while ago in the existing sauna so I can get some hot sessions in as well, speaking of which there is a Russian sauna now operating at Parq in Ubud that gets up to over 100 degrees centigrade.

Sunday July 17, 2022

I need to write about the boringness, predictability, levelness of my life as it is right now. 

I think the biggest thing that is lacking is stimulating activity and the interchange of ideas with other people. I don’t lack the ability to enjoy people’s company when I am with them but I do, more than often, find myself with a self created scarcity of people. This is probably mainly a geographical thing but let’s be honest, that’s a poor excuse. 

Our house is in the deep outer eastern suburbs of Melbourne where you wonder whether the houses that line the roads are empty of any human forms of life. Georgie and I walk almost every day and even then it is as if some sort of plague has struck down the human race.

I suppose this is the price that we have to pay to live in a big comfortable house …. Isolation.

Bali on the other hand is full of people from all over the world, all seemingly eager to interact and maybe find somebody else who resonates on a similar vibration. I’ll be back to bali in 2 weeks, back to warm early mornings where I can look forward to a long walk and maybe even get lost occasionally, back to the possibility of finding some new experience or challenge that I am not pursuing in Melbourne. Back to a greater sense of creativity, good food, massages, saunas and tropical landscapes and conversations with people who I have just met for the first time.

Returning this time has been a disaster of sorts. Maybe it’s because we arrived back on the cusp of winter and walked into a grey version of life or maybe we have to stimulate ourselves and our own capacity to create while we are here. It isn’t that I am not active, I walk each day, go to the gym but I seem to find myself gravitating back to the dining table where my computer resides and where I am in the only warm room in the house. Maybe I should not only write my lists but I should also get them systematically done, maybe I should push myself out of my comfort zone and try some new things.

Underlying all of this banter with myself is the simple fact that I generally do not share my creative pursuits, ideas or crazy plans with other people. People who act like kindling and help to get the fire burning brightly. I’ve even pulled back on writing articles for my blog.

I just had an epiphany of sorts. Like most things that I pursue I’ve just realised that I reach a plateau. Yes, sure … it’s a higher place than I have been in the past but as time goes on the life of a level headed, no change existence loses it’s lustre. It’s a bit like it was when I was toying with losing weight. I would lose weight for a period and then bog. It was always a much more desirable place to be than the place that I had come from but still, it started looking a bit bleak when I stayed there for too long. 

Magic moments are actualised from the fruits of discipline, the pursuit of knowledge, learning and self improvement. The dark night lights up with explosions that illuminate everything for a fleeting moment but the energy that creates the light must be fed and sustained by the urge to move up the mountain a bit more, no matter how uncomfortable it may seem anticipating what needs to be done to push off again.

I’ve been grazing in the same safe pastures for too long and even though life is kind and comfortable I believe to time is nigh to push a bit harder and go to the next level.

Current Cancer Strategy

Melatonin

Metformin 500 mg twice daily

Naltrexone 4.5 mg

Mebendazole and Fenbendazole 500 mg twice daily

HBOT

KETOGENIC DIET GOAL GKI 1

SAUNA AND COLD PLUNGE

Intermittent Fasting

Supplements

Oura Ring for sleep tracking

I am moving into a whole new phase with my cancer maintenance. From all signs and based on all tests there is no detectable cancer tumours in my body although there is a low level of circulating tumour cells which have the potential to become tumours down the track.

Saturday July 16, 2022

Yesterday I had an early morning dental appointment to get my braces taken off as well as having an assessment, scan and mould taken. It feels like I’ve had a chastity belt taken off. Sure, they are quite tender and painful but overall there has a lot of movement so that is to be expected. I get retainers on Tuesday and then the next step is to work out how much invisiline braces will cost as there is more movement to get accomplished before I have my implants.

The other appointment I had yesterday was with my integrative doctor, Peter Eng. He looked at my Oncotrace results of which he was very happy, he also explained the metastasis markers which I now have a better idea of in relation of how they relate to me. Not surprisingly mine are all related to epithelial cells. On the other hand I have more work to do and must not give up my relentless quest to completely destroy all of the cancer. 

In some ways seeing him yesterday bolstered my resolve to work even harder to defeat any possible chance of the cancer metastasising some time in the future and made me fully aware that it is a lifelong quest.

Not a bad end result.

Some of the areas that I will explore in the not too distant future are fasting, organic veggies and meat, plus any supplements that will clean out senescent cells and any toxins out of my body, more HBOT plus exercise, weights and infrared.

Friday July 15, 2022

It’s an early morning rise today as I’m off to the dentist, Dr Eng and HBOT.

Yesterday was relatively nondescript. I went for a walk with Georgie, had a quick sauna and had a chat to a trainer at the gym before doing a short workout. I tried to understand some of the cancer markers that appeared on my RGC report to no real avail. It’s just too damn complicated and my foundations are shonky. Hopefully Dr Eng can shed some light. I also had a go at getting some understanding of AMPK. I did get a bit closer to understanding what it is and how it helps the body to adjust to stress and uses this enzyme to build itself. A lot more to go before I get on top of that one.

We’ll be heading off in 18 minutes so I’m going to leave it here for now.

Thursday July 14, 2022

I’ve become aware that the next stage of my body/longevity  education is going to be in the area of understanding various pathways in the body like AMPK, MTOR, autophagy and the like. I’m also going to need to understand what melatonin, metformin, naltrexone and other re-purposed cancer drugs are doing in my body and when I should be taking them.

I need to choose a typeface for our shampoo/conditioner bottles. I’VE JUST CHOSEN HERCULANUM.

Feeling a bit edgy today.

Wednesday July 13, 2022

To Chris Darby Dentist

Hi Chris I am following up on the phone call from yesterday as you said you would get back to me last night. I am sorry for getting upset but the simple truth from my viewpoint is that I am distressed by the whole experience with the braces so far. I have been in chronic pain pretty much the whole time. I understand that you have seen me each time I have needed help and I do appreciate it. This generally resolves the situation for a short time but it goes back to extreme discomfort and pain each time. I have been willing to accept that my age and the condition of my teeth might have contributed to this but I can’t do that anymore.

The current situation is twofold a) the build up on my 2 bottom back teeth that you did after Bali has been unbearably uncomfortable and has made it impossible to eat almost anything, even salads can’t be chewed. There is no traction on my teeth to break down food. I have also been clenching my teeth due to the unnatural feel of the buildup. I am not a dentist but I believe that the quality of life is an essential part of the treatment and overall this has been distressing even to the point where I have become a crabby old man due to the pain and discomfort b) about 2 weeks ago the buildup on my lower right back tooth came off, this caused an imbalance in my mouth that has got worse and worse culminating in the wire coming loose and cutting my gums and cheek.

I won’t go into anymore detail right now but there are other problems that my attention gets stuck on.

You mentioned that you would do the “invisaline” braces, will this cost anymore money? I need to ask this before I come.

Finally, you may ask why I didn’t contact you. I can’t put my finger on it but you have made me feel that the problems I am having are my fault. This may not be the case and I’m sure you won’t see it this way but that’s what came across to me, as a result I decided that I would wait until the appointment on the 19th which was a big mistake. This may have been a big misunderstanding on my behalf but this perception (of it being my fault) has always lingered in the back of my mind.When I rang your reception yesterday to ask what date it was my frustration just started spilling out and I got pretty distressed, almost griefy. This is what pre-empted my reaction on the phone yesterday morning.

RGCC CTC Oncotrace Results

It is almost 20 months since I was first diagnosed with SCC (Squamous Cell Carcinoma), a head and neck cancer that had ended up forming a tumour in the lymph node in the left side of my throat. I have written many words about this and what happened after my diagnosis and I won’t repeat myself here.

Just before Christmas 2020 I consulted with a doctor who I had been recommended to, his name was Dr Peter Eng. Peter’s practise is in the inner city Melbourne suburb of Middle Park. He specialises in treating cancer in an integrative fashion with protocols including IVs, immunotherapy and the use of re-purposed medical drugs like naltrexone, melatonin, metformin among others.

One of the first tests that Peter organised was called an RGC CTC Onconomics test. This test is conducted from 10ml of whole blood that contained EDTA-Ca as anti-coagulant and was packed in ice. The blood is sent to the lab in Greece and tested for malignant cells, circulating tumour cells and a host of other diagnostic markers that I won’t go into now. It’s so very hard to understand for a person who has no foundations in biology, metabolism, genes and other complex scientific knowledge. I am one of these people.

The general theory is that what normally kills most cancer patients is the metastatic nature of cancer where a cancer cell or a group of cancer cells break away from the original tumour, get into the blood stream and travel to some other part of the body where they may lay dormant for years only to morph into a new tumour in a different location of the body. I sure as hell didn’t want this to be my fate.

I did so many different non toxic and mainly natural protocols to do what I could to get rid of my tumour.

These included.

  • An intensive program of IVs including Vitamin C, Curcumin, DHA, Quercitin amongst others. This was delivered at Dr Eng’s clinic
  • Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy (120 hours plus)
  • A strict therapeutic ketogenic diet targeted at getting my blood glucose and blood ketones to a GKI (Glucose ketone Index) of 1 based on the research of Dr Thomas Seyfried.
  • An extensive exercise regime.
  • Infra Red Saunas

The list goes on. All I need to say is that these activities all worked together as adjuncts to make my healthy cells safe and protected while my cancer cells  were being made weak and vulnerable to the treatments that my team was applying to my cancer.

Dr Eng also introduced me to a radiologist named Dr Sam Leung. I have also covered his use of radiotherapy in my blog.

I have just got the results from my 4th RGC CTC test.

Here’s the readings from the start, based on the quantity of circulating tumour cells in my blood.

  • January 29, 2021 3.2 cells/ml
  • May 28, 2021 2.7 cells/ml
  • September 6, 2021 2.5 cells/ml
  • July 11, 2022 2.1 cells/ml

To me that looks like a 30% reduction in the CTC (circulating tumour cells) in my blood. The reading to get really concerned is 5 cells/ml.

I am one to look at positives and the simple fact that my MRI shows that I have no perceptible cancer and the

fact that my circulating tumour cells are diminishing puts me in a really positive position for the future.

Final note. Dr Eng said to me on one of my first consultations that I would be living with cancer for the rest of my life. I am not deluding myself. I am well aware that I must be disciplined and diligent for the rest of my life, every minute of every day. My goal is to live a long and healthy life. I plan on making it to 100 in good shape. I’m 70 now so I have 30 years to continue creating a strong, healthy body.

Tuesday July 12, 2022

Kaye is the first one in a while to get Covid, “A” got it a few months ago but got through it quite well. I’m hoping the same can be said for Kaye. I’ve sent her all of the things she needs to take and if all goes well that will be enough to protect her from the virus.

I wore my sleep apnea machine to bed last night plus I had cotton wool in my mouth to stop the braces ripping my cheeks apart. I took the machine off at 4.30 am. Overall I got a good nights sleep. 85 mins deep and 160 REM but the scores were down overall. My heart rate was far too high last night. This may have been due to the workout I did at the gym but I don’t know.

My blood sugar was 5.5 this morning and my ketones were down to .8. This may mean that my liver is playing tricks on me and producing glucose overnight. I’m pretty certain that this is called glycogenesis.

During absorption and digestion, the carbohydrates in the food you eat are reduced to their simplest form, glucose.

Excess glucose is then removed from the blood, with the majority of it being converted into glycoge, the storage form of glucose, by the liver’s hepatic cells via a process called glycogenesis.

Glycogenolysis

When blood glucose concentration declines, the liver initiates glycogenolysis

The hepatic cells reconvert their glycogen stores into glucose, and continually release them into the blood until levels approach normal range.

I’m going to try something this morning. Normally I get up and have a bulletproof coffee. In theory this shouldn’t raise my blood sugar or insulin but it does break my fast. My plan is to fast until 1 pm without the bulletproof coffee although I will have a black coffee. I’ll keep an eye on my blood sugar and ketones throughout the day.

Overall I’m doing well with my anti ageing protocols but I’m thinking that I could do better. This is a whole new learning curve which transcends what I have learned so far and involves sirtuins, DNA and are far deeper understanding of the bodies functions. 

This is worth putting time into. The end result should be a less accelerated ageing process and a better quality of life as I get older. 

Monday July 11, 2022

20 days to get organised for Bali.

Georgie bounded out of bed before I did this morning but I jumped in the freezing cold pool last night so Im still one up on her!

I’m trying to talk Georgie into staying at “A”s for a couple of nights during the week so we can go to some art exhibitions and spend time walking around the city. She doesn’t seem too keen but we’ll see as the week goes on.

All of my projects, apart from the good health and exercise have pretty much come to standstill.

Here’s a list.

  • Health Coach.
  • Book on Metabolic Syndrome and cancer cure.
  • Business websites.
  • Villa Tusk on various internet platforms.
  • Block Shop upgrade.
  • Artscope upgrade.
  • Financial Plan.

I have a bit of catching up to do, including daily guitar and music practise.

I’m struggling to find something to write about this morning so maybe I shouldn’t push it. It won’t be the end of the world if I don’t get any profound wisdom out. A bit like a frustrating trip to the toilet.

Sunday July 10, 2022

I went to the gym again yesterday. Compared to my own past workouts I pushed myself a bit so I feel a bit weary this morning, achy muscles and limbs and a general lethargy that isn’t always there when I wake in the morning. My Oura ring reflects how I feel. Plus on top of this I made a yummy keto cake yesterday and ate too much last night, I’m best being austere and not having any treats at all. It’s just conditioning anyway, keto comfort food. I’m certain that it doesn’t do me any good.

Tomorrow marks the 3 week point for our next trip to Bali. There is a bit of packing and preparing to do, learning some songs and practising my guitar, more exercise to get fitter for our long walks and preparing our Mooroolbark house and food and vitamins for Finn.

I found an amazing documentary last night called Cause of Death -Unknown done by a Norwegian girl who lost her sister because of big Pharma psych drugs. I needed to see this to fire up and remember what it is that we are pissed off about with our governments for pushing the products of these terribly unethical money making machines onto and against our species.

I’m blaming my teeth for turning me into an asshole. This isn’t going to do much good, is it? My reaction to my braces may be negative but at the same time this reaction does not give me the right to act badly and make others unhappy as well, it’s a perfect case of reaction as opposed to response. This is my project for the next few days. To change my gloomy self and to stop reacting. I’m just letting my buttons be pushed and then having no control about how I react. I’m allowing myself to be played like a pianola. No good is coming out of this.

Later that night….

We went for a 2 hour walk, I had an epsom salts bath, a long sauna and then jumped in the freezing pool. Apart from making a delicious veggie and bone broth soup that’s about what happened today.

Now Georgie is watching a bad movie on Netflix.

Saturday July 9, 2022

Last night Georgie and I went to a show at Bird’s Basement to see an African musician named Amadou Susa who I had never heard of before Wednesday last week when my friend Trinidad sent me a message that this show was on.

Even driving to the city I really had no idea who he was apart from a short promotional clip I had seen on the Bird’s Basement website. I didn’t even know his name. I didn’t know where he was from, where he was based, who the musicians were who were in the band. All I really knew was that he was an imposing looking African guy who played an West African instrument called a Kora which I had heard over the years on African records. A huge stringed instrument that is worn like an over sized baby with a strap attached to a carved piece of wood on the top of the instrument and again at the bottom. 22 nylon strings tuned god knows how but sounding like music played by very hip angels.

I went through a period in the early 90s listening to musicians like Salif Kieta and Yousou N’Dour mainly because it had some sort of symbiosis with the fusion jazz that I loved so much back then, generally with a brooding beat that laid an amazing foundation to build the music, vocals and melody on.

We went to the gig with Trinidad and ended up getting a table that arguably could have been the best in the room. It had been a couple of years since I had been to Bird’s Basement in pre pandemic Melbourne. This was one of the few things that I mourned during the lockdown years.

Back to the artist and his music.

The band walked out on stage. A scruffy looking bunch of musicians, several who looked like they stepped out of a time machine from the early 70s … keyboards, guitar, drums, electric bass, saxophone and trumpet. It was hard to get a feel of where these guys were from. They even had a Melbourne feel about them but this didn’t seem right because how could there be such a proficient Kora player gigging with a band of Melbourne musicians. Then the star of the night appeared on stage holding his imposing instrument, 6’4” and as skinny as a beautiful black whippet.

Bang. They started playing and I instantly became very aware that I was in for a good night of music. West African melodies, words, the Kora backed up with an African influenced jazz fusion bed of sound.

Somewhere during the performance I looked across at the band and got a weird and wonderful concept that this is what makes being alive worthwhile. Creative disciplined people doing what they love, in communication with each other and working together to create something worthwhile, amazing and uplifting. 

Isn’t this what the human race is supposed to be doing, but rarely does. What would the world be like if we all operated like this. 

In that moment I felt incredibly appreciative to be alive and a shiver went down my spine.

Maybe just before the interval I realized that this amazing musician Amadou Suso might just live in Melbourne and that the musicians playing with him had probably all attended the VCA. It made sense. They may have been from Paris, New York, Berlin but no, they were from Melbourne. How could such an amazing band of musicians have been in my own city and I had never heard of them. Wonders will never cease.

Amadou Suso comes from Gambia in West Africa and is part of a Mandinka tribe that have been playing the Kora for centuries.

“My whole family are musical,” he says. “My grandmother, she was the one who taught me how to sing, she was a great singer and in the national ensemble for Gambia.”

It’s only after seeing the show that I’ve discovered that we have an incredibly rich African cultural and music scene in Melbourne. What have I been missing out on!

Friday July 8, 2022

Extended families are peculiar insofar as their foundations appear to be built on the closeness of brothers and sisters. If the original group of siblings isn’t close then it seems that generally the cousins have no chance of really connecting, that is my experience anyway.

When I was growing up in the 1950s there were a few factors that influenced my interaction with cousins. The first influence was that my Mum had a couple of sisters who not only gave birth to huge amounts of children, many were boys and they lived in a Victorian country town called Shepparton. This was the town that my Mum grew up in. I just happened to love going to Shepparton for school holidays and having adventures that were not possible in Melbourne. There were almost 30 cousins divided between her 5 sisters and one brother.

On the other hand my Dad had a brother and 2 sisters who all lived in another country town to the west of Shepparton called Bendigo. A town famous for its gold rush connections. My Dad grew up in a suburb called Golden Square, a fitting reference to a gold town. These siblings produced 9 offspring including myself and my sisters. 6 of these were girls. On top of that was the mystery about why my dad didn’t seem to be close to his family and more importantly why we never seemed to drive up the Calder Hwy to visit Bendigo. Actually, there was a turn off to Bendigo along the Hume Hwy on the way to Shepparton which I would always notice and wonder what sort of road it was and what lay at the other end. Needless to say, we never took that particular diversion.

It turns out that my Dad’s mum died several days after he was born at the end of November 1924, 6 years after her brother, George Henson had died due to injuries received during WW1 in France. Her name was Cyrilla Henson and she married Robert Collier in 1920 and as far as I know moved to Bendigo from Malmsbury. She was 30 when she died. She left behind 2 daughters and 2 sons, all born in a 4 year period. From what I have ascertained my Dad was brought up by his grandmother, Cyrilla’s mum and her daughter Adelle and didn’t spend a great deal of time with his siblings. This could be inaccurate, I’m just not certain.

My Dad drifted to Melbourne after WW2 and ended up in Richmond and his ties with Bendigo were cut.

I moved to a little house in Pridham St, East Prahran when I was 2, around the time that my first sister was born . 

Unbeknownst to me Dad’s sister Dorothy must have visited Melbourne in the early 50s because I have recently learned that my oldest cousin, Evelyn used to push me around in a pram when she was 10 years old, she was born in 1942. In 1952 my Dad’s sister would have been 32 and by then she had 3 daughters, Evelyn, Barbara and Brenda. Dorothy had a quiet husband named Jim Date who never said a lot but I do recall that he had a car that had a small leather belt like thing that was attached to the back that was rumoured to curtail travel sickness. Who knows? 

My father was 27 when I was born.

I can only recall one visit from the Date family to our little house in Prahran. It wasn’t really the sort of house that you could have many visitors in. I can’t imagine where 2 extra adults and 3 daughters would have fit. There is a family myth that Dorothy loudly proclaimed “George, what are you doing in such a small house … you couldn’t swing a cat in the back yard!” Now this was true but I don’t think it went down so well.

You can possibly see where I’m going here. I never really got to know Evelyn, Barbara and Brenda, although I do recall clearly what they looked like as young girls. I don’t know why. I did know that they did Scottish Highland dancing which seemed exotic at the time.

As a footnote, I don’t recall ever having met my cousins Robert and Julie who were the children of my Dad’s brother Bob. I had some brief encounters with my cousin Roger, who was Mabel’s son, back in the late 1960s.

The next time I recall seeing Dorothy’s daughters was in the mid 90s at the funeral of Roger’s mother, Mabel. From what I recall Barbara and Brenda were there, possibly not Evelyn.

Fast forward to the 21st century. 

About a year ago I got a call from my cousin Brenda who is about 18 months older than I am. She was living in Digger’s Rest, a new Melbourne suburb on the Calder Hwy a bit more than an hour from Bendigo, with her older sister Evelyn. Barbara (the middle sister) had suddenly died in January 2021. I suppose the urge to contact me was exacerbated by Barbara’s death and possibly that Brenda had found my Facebook page and seen that I had cancer.

It turns out that Barbara contracted Type 1 Diabetes when she was 38, around the same time as Paul did. It was more than likely in the Henson/Hawker gene pool because there was another aunt named Jessie who is rumoured to have had it as well. I have to admit that I discovered this information back in the mid 90s when I drove my parents to Bendigo to farewell Mabel. It looks like Paul’s Type 1 Diabetes came down through my gene pool via the Hawker branch of the family, Cyrilla’s family.

I visited Brenda and Evelyn at their home in Diggers Rest late yesterday (7/7/2022). We spent a couple of hours together catching up on a lifetime, looking at old photos and piecing together what we could about our lives in such a limited amount of time. They got to meet Georgie.

They had 2 photos of my dad, George Collier that I had never seen before, one in which he is dressed in a snappy suit with pretty long short pants with his Dad and 2 sisters, he must have been about 12/13 … sometime in the mid to late 30s and another which must have been taken towards the end of WW2 when he was almost 20, dressed in a soldier uniform. He never went into battle but did get posted up in Queensland.

This short experience made me realise that lifetimes are akin to the glow of a firefly, transient and beautiful in their own way. We all have our own memories, aspirations, wins and losses. We take these with us unless we have shared our own recollections and viewpoints in words, photos or videos that may or may not be of interest to anyone else.

All the more reason to celebrate life every day, in every way.

Thursday July 7, 2022

First and foremost today is the anniversary of Georgie and my wedding in 2019. We had been together for 23 years when we got married but interestingly it seemed to have a far greater impact on me than I would have ever imagined.

Nine Inch Nails

Yesterday I came across a YouTube clip which started with Iggy Pop talking about Trent Reznor and Nine Inch Nails induction into the Music Hall of Fame. This was from around 10 years ago, which in itself has a certain significance to my life and timeline.

I first became aware of Nine Inch Nails back around 1995 when they released Downward Spiral, I didn’t even take a look at the significance of that name because in some ways that’s what was about to happen in my life. The track that stood out for me was “Closer” which contained the almost shocking line “I want to fuck you like an animal”. 

What struck me most was that it was new and exciting, a mixture of rock, industrial with driving beats and lyrics that didn’t mess around with political correctness. My son Paul was about 16 at the time and had lived with Type 1 Diabetes for 8 years, injecting himself several times every day and somehow tolerating huge swings in his blood sugar from high to low. Back then I had no idea about metabolism or insulin but either did his endocrinologist. Needless to say Paul embraced the music and lyrics of Trent Reznor and became obsessed with Nine Inch Nails music. This lasted love of the band and Reznor lasted until his (Paul’s) passing in March 2012.

I saw the band twice. The first time was at the metro nightclub in Melbourne in mid May in 2007. I was there with both “A” and Paul. I couldn’t believe my eyes or ears. They were so damn anarchistic and exciting. I loved it. Then the second time was in mid September 2007 at Luna Park in Sydney. Paul and I drove the old Audi up the Hume Hwy to Sydney especially to attend the concert in Mid September. Once again I was blown away, as were my ears. Paul boarded the plane for Thailand a day or 2 later. This marked the beginning of his 5 years of life in Bangkok. A huge moment for both of us. I was living in Campbell St at the time. Paul never forgave himself for missing them at The Big Day Out in Melbourne way back in 2000 or once again when he flew from Bangkok to Singapore to attend their concert and missed half of it because he got lost finding the stadium where they were playing. He was so upset that he got blind drunk that night.

I didn’t pursue the band or Trent Reznor’s career but looking back on that period I recall listening and reacting to their music with huge affection and always being knocked out with the power and originality of what Trent Reznor was doing.

So yes, Trent Reznor touched my life in many more ways than I realized. Paul never stopped following him. Now that I look back I understand what he saw. Isolation, loneliness, pain, angst were all part of what must have appealed to Paul. It was as if Trent Reznor was writing words that described Paul’s life.

The last time I spent time with Paul in Bangkok in February 2012 he played haunting piano pieces by Trent Reznor over and over. I’ve never been able to find them since.

When Allissa and I were trying to find a song that summed up Paul for the farewell service that we had for him at Monsalvat in late March 2012 we chose “Hurt”.

This more than any other piece of music sums up and epitomises Paul for me. I clearly remember when Trent Reznor stood on the stage at the Metro back in March 2007 in front of his keyboard playing this song. Some of the audience were making rude loud noises, it’s a quiet poignant piece of music. He stopped playing in the middle of the performance in disgust at these rude bastards. That moment stuck with me.

I hurt myself today,

To see if I’d still feel.

I focus on the pain,

The only thing that’s real.

The needle tears a hole,

The old familiar sting;

Try to kill it all away,

But I remember everything.

What have I become,

My sweetest friend?

Everyone I know,

Goes away in the end.

You could have it all,

My empire of dirt.

I will let you down,

I will make you hurt…

I wear this crown of shit,

Upon my liar’s chair,

Full of broken thoughts,

I cannot repair.

Beneath the stains of time,

The feelings disappear.

You are someone else,

I am still right here.

What have I become,

My sweetest friend?

Everyone I know,

Goes away in the end.

And you could have it all,

My empire of dirt,

I will let you down,

I will make you hurt.

If I could start again,

A million miles away,

I would keep myself,

I would find a way.

Wednesday July 6, 2022

We spent a couple of hours at Melanie and Trinidad’s house yesterday. It was strange seeing their Nik Naks scattered around, almost like a mirror image of what I do. It’s a definite style that has seemed to influence both Flora and Melanie. So it looks like we are back to normal, back in the good books.

Apart from that and my oxygen it was quite a sedentary day so I’ll need to be walking and doing some weights later today.

I might also eat the food we have and start doing a 24 hour fast once each week.

I have 3 weeks to get Finn on top of things. Yesterday he seemed a bit miserable. We haven’t really seen him much over the past week and by all accounts his diet probably has a lot to be desired. He also missed out on his massage last week and hasn’t been to the gym as much. It must look like a fucking mountain range to him. I mean life! I wish I could wave a magic wand.

Tuesday July 5, 2022

Moments of adversity in life handled well make you a stronger person. I am such a person after my brush with cancer. The initial kick in the teeth quickly turned around into a series of decisions that led me to being a stronger, more disciplined and overall clear headed and happier person whose appreciation of life has grown immensely. There is always something to be gained from even the most shitty situations. I’m not implying in any way that the past 18 months or so have been a walk in the park. What I am saying is that the fact that I was able to face up to the reality of the situation that I found myself in gave me the opportunity to take a look at how I could take control of my life and make a conscious decision to do whatever I needed to do to thrive.

I’m pretty sure that this reaction is inherent in all of us when it comes to surviving. I don’t mean clinging onto life. What I mean is creating and celebrating life in light of the option being willing to surrender this magical experience.

I am a stronger person now. The volume got turned up over the past few years and my appreciation for existence, awareness and consciousness is far greater than it ever was in the prior 7 decades that I have walked on Planet Earth.

Monday July 4, 2022

“A” and I are sitting in the dining room at Red Hill having a 70s/80s music fest interspersed with conversation and memories. We both got up at 7 a.m while Georgie slumbered until 9.30. We walked down to Nordie opposite the primary school to buy some coffee to bring back to Blueberry Hill so we could make coffee and more importantly have coffee ready for Georgie.

The one thing I’ve become seriously aware of is that we need a new fire place at Red Hill. We got a new booking for Red Hill this morning, 3 nights for $1750 … damn good. We’ve done a really good job as AirBnBers. Now the next challenge is putting the properties on new platforms.

After talking to “A” this morning I’ve realized that I’ve got to stop messing around with my ideas and choose the most viable ones so I can get some positive action happening. I spend too much time preparing. There is a “block” that I haven’t quite spotted yet.

Listening to 80s Sting music is such a blast. It’s like getting into a time machine and being transported back to an earlier time and place, not just that but there is the feeling as well. It creates some sort of yearning for experiences that will never happen again, almost unlocks emotions like a glacier melting and revealing its secrets.

I mentioned to “A” that I have a mini disc recording of Paul singing along with Moon Over Bourbon Street. I’ve never been up to listening to it since Paul has gone but I realized this morning that maybe I could if “A” was there as well.

We’ve had a wonderful 3 nights together. It’s been a real retreat full of activity and conversation. Yesterday we did a 2.5 hour walk to Cape Schank which was both exhilarating and tiring. I came back and invented a new keto pizza, actually this isn’t quite true I got the chicken base from a YouTube channel called KetoFocus but the topping was mine. Broccoli, cauliflower, leeks, Zucchini, haloumi, chili … the list goes on. It was like a mountain. But the main thing was that it was delicious, almost too delicious! I may have eaten too much.

I’ve been through a renaissance with cooking lately. Maybe its based on the simple fact that I’ve been exposing myself to new ideas. Same ingredients but different combinations.

My blood sugar has gone up a bit over the past few days plus my ketones have come down. Could it be too much yummy food? Maybe.

Sunday July 3, 2022

We are sitting around the round table at Red Hill all with our computers and phones in front of us. We being “A”, Georgie and me. The Hot Springs were amazing last night. Deliciously cold. The sauna was hotter than usual as was the cold plunge but I’m not complaining about that. We ended up spending almost 4 hours and left to come home a bit after 9 p.m.

I slept in this morning until 9.30, a bit too late but appreciated. Georgie and “A” are considering going down the hill to the bay and wading into the cold water.

I’ve got to look at yesterday. I got bored for the first time in ages. It’s not that I didn’t get things done. I suppose waking up at 3.30 and listening to podcasts, wide awake, and finally getting up at 6.45 am didn’t help. It was a long day. We spent most of it inside with a fire roaring and heaters on. I was banging on my computer and achieved quite a lot. Got Defrag Blues up to date and did some editing on some earlier blogs 

Saturday July 2, 2022

It is really Friday night but I’m jumping the gun. Georgie and I are at Red Hill for the night (Friday). Allissa is coming down tomorrow. We had a great dinner and watched The Umbrella Academy on the tele. Now it’s time for bed.

Friday went well. Eng for the RGCCC blood draw, coffee in Middle Park and then across to South Yarra for 90 minutes in the hyperbaric chamber.

I ran into Leigh at Dr Eng’s. He had liver cancer back when I last saw him but today he announced that his PET scan shows no signs of cancer. That’s a bloody miracle. He also had some bad news a out another cancer sufferer who didn’t make it but it wasn’t the cancer that killed him. This amplified the need to make the alternative protocols more broadly accessible. The importance of doing this is really a priority.

My blood is on the way to Greece. Fingers crossed!

7.04 am Saturday

It now really is Saturday and I’ve had the weirdest night. I went to sleep at 11 pm and woke up at 3.30 am feeling well rested and wide awake. My take on this is that the oxygen session I ha yesterday was so damn powerful that it energised my body so much that I only needed 4 hours sleep. According to mu Oura ring I actually got almost 6.5 hours. I listened to 2 long podcasts before I finally got out of bed shortly before 7 a.m.

The only glitz is that I have that funny pre-migraine electric flashing eye thing going on which isn’t a big deal although it does disorient me. And just for the record I didn’t take my melatonin last night.

How Far Do You Go To Defend Your Personal Integrity?

For as long as I can remember I have been irked at the thought of “toeing the line” or stated differently doing what I am told to do by uninformed, uneducated people who are giving orders to simply protect themselves from something, either real or imagined.

I have to admit much to my chagrin that at times I have stayed under the radar when I should have stood up tall and defended what I believed too be true or the right thing to do and it has always been to my own detriment and the detriment of others.

As a species we really have to support those who are brave enough to stick to their guns at the risk of being shut down or even harmed by defending what they believe to be right and just.

The past 2 plus years has been a perfect example of this. There appears to be an unseen, covert and very well hidden enemy conspiring against the human race. I don’t know who they are or what their end game is but there are signs all around us and the blood curdling apparency is that they are being successful in advancing toward their aims. Whether the pandemic was orchestrated or not is yet to be seen. Such an event is a perfect smoke screen to covertly manipulate the whole fabric of society.

The time has come to band together with like minded individuals no matter where they are, what their credentials are or even what their social standing is. I’m talking about people who look beyond the surface and question the people with power, the so called stars quo. Whether or not the people giving the orders or enforcing them are just unwitting stooges for the true powers who are wielding the power from hidden locations it doesn’t matter anymore because the end result of doing nothing might just be the extinction of the human race. Not that that will really matter in the bigger picture of the universe. We are but a blip on the horizon somewhat akin to a shooting star but still, we have so much potential for good. 

I need to make a pact with myself that I will not allow my own perception of what is right and ethical to be alloyed,compromised or held down by people with pseudo power or in some cases power that is strong enough to cause me discomfort and even harm.

If I let these people get away with their shonky games then I am pretty much being complicit with their nefarious intentions.

As a species we have the potential to grow emotionally and creatively and seed the universe, if we can just use compassion, sense and reason. There is no way that we will ever be perfect, we will always hurt somebody or rock someone’s boat. That is just the nature of interacting with so many other people with cross intentions. We need barriers, challenges and crisis to become stronger but we must face these with open eyes and reason.

For now all I can say is that I will no longer pretend to agree with people who blindly go along with group think based on opinions and misinformation that has been crafted to make them feel fear or whatever base emotion that can be squeezed out of them. I don’t want to harm anybody and I don’t even want to challenge anyone’s viewpoint. All I have the power to do is to inspire and potentially educate by making what I believe to be the correct information available to others. I might get this wrong at times and I might change my mind along the way but that in itself is what has to happen as new technology and solutions are discovered and developed.

I am in a unique situation whereby my immediate family and most of my close friends pretty much all feel the same way as I do. I’m proud that they all stick to their guns and defend what they believe to be the right thing for themselves. We don’t all agree on everything and that’s perfectly OK. What I love and get solace from is that they aren’t sheep wandering aimlessly to their slaughter or lemmings following each other off a cliff to wastefully drop to their deaths.

It’s time to stand up and be counted before the “tin men” 

( An uncaring or heartless man; a man lacking, or seeming to lack, feelings, emotions, or concern for others. ) get an even bigger grip than they already have.

I listened to a podcast this morning which was a discussion between evolutionary biologist, Brett Weinstein and journalist and activist Maajid Nawaz. Both of these men have bravely defended and actively stood up for their own integrity  and beliefs and as a result have lost positions and been financially compromised due to their personal strength and fortitude to defend what they believe to be right and just.

Maajid Nawaz made the statement that many of his friends have “missed the boat” in relation to what has happened planet wide with vaccine mandates, lockdowns and other mass manipulations among other things. Brett Weinstein summed it up eloquently by stating “The boat hasn’t saved yet, they can still jump on.” Have a listen, it is a fascinating discussion. Both of these men a well worth looking into and may enrich your life and stimulate you analytical powers.

Friday July 1, 2022

The first half of the year is over. I went to the gym last night and did a decent workout, also did a 90 minute walk and had a long sauna and cold plunge. A good day for exercise which is sort of where I am placing my attention at the moment.

I am going to doctor Eng’s this morning to get my blood drawn to send to Greece to get analysed for CTC (Circulating Tumour Cells). I must say that I am a touch nervous about the results but at the same time I have been pretty disciplined over the past year so the results should be good in theory.

I’m spending a lot of time working on my website but I’m not working out how to share this data. I’m working on articles on Metabolic Syndrome and HBOT at the moment. I’ve got to follow up with articles on melatonin, DCA, Curcumin, Quercitin and any other things that I did during my cancer treatment. It’s a big job but if I get it done I’ll feel that I have accomplished something. The next step is to somehow start getting links on social media, activating my Go Fund Me campaign and writing a book PLUS all the other projects that I want to get done.

It’s great reaching 70 and being full of purpose and inspiration. I am really happy with myself that life has become more valuable and more intense as well as satisfying as the years have gone by. I value every moment, whether I am awake or asleep.

31 days until we leave once again for Bali. 31 days of Melbourne winter but somehow I’m going to make the most of it. For example. Loving the pool being so cold so I can jump in after a sauna and getting hot and sweaty at the gym, going for long walks in the winter sunlight and going for drives in our Lexus with the heaters turned on feeling snug and cozy.

Thursday June 30, 2022

After a 3 month hiatus I recommenced my Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy (HBOT) sessions again yesterday. Apart from the fact that it was great to be back, I did a 90 minute session in the chamber breathing pure oxygen at a pressure equivalent to being 50 feet under the ocean. I’ll be doing 2 sessions a week for the next 5 weeks before I go back to Bali for 6 weeks.

The western medical model seems to be to wait for the patient to get sick and to then attempt to cure whatever it is that is diagnosed. Going way back to the 70s I’ve always believed that the trick is to create a healthy body that doesn’t get sick in the first place. I have to admit that at various times of my life I failed dismally, but that’s another story. I’m still convinced that the “get your body healthy” model is far superior.

The problem in our society is that we are conditioned to take action when we are desperate which puts us a bit behind the 8 ball.

WE need oxygen to stay alive. All red blood cells contain a red pigment known as haemoglobin. Oxygen binds to haemoglobin and is thus transported around the body. In tiny blood cells in our lungs, the red blood cells pick up the oxygen from the air we inhale and carry it through the bloodstream to all parts of the body. Specifically to the cells where it is needed for metabolism. The carbon dioxide produced during metabolism is carried back to the lungs by the blood. This is what we breathe out.

Oxygen helps organisms grow, reproduce and turn food into energy. Oxygen gives our cells the ability to break down food in order to get the energy that we need to survive.

As with most phenomena on this magical planet us humans have a symbiotic relationship with plants. It sends tingles down my spine just thinking about how genius it is. Green plants release oxygen as a waste product of photosynthesis, we use that oxygen to fuel our metabolic reactions, releasing carbon dioxide as a waste product. Plants use our waste product as the carbon source for carbohydrates. What a wonderful world we live on. Even more reason to fight for it. If only our politicians and heads of big corporations understood this simple truth “Oh what a different world it might be”.

Oxygen is also necessary for constructing replacement cells for our bodies. Every day, about seven hundred billion cells in our bodies wear out and must be replaced. Without oxygen, our bodies cannot build these new cells.

I could go on and on about how important oxygen is but that’s not why I’m writing this. I want to share my own experiences using HBOT as a tool against cancer.

My History With HBOT

If it wasn’t for HBOT the outcome to my cancer journey, which by the way has been very, very positive, may have been a completely different scenario.

After being diagnosed with cancer in November 2020 I floundered around for several weeks not knowing where to start my fight against the potential death sentence that I had received. It was my daughter who recommended that I make an appointment at a place called Oxymed in South Yarra, a inner city suburb in Melbourne, Australia. To be honest, at this stage I had no idea how hyperbaric oxygen therapy could help me cure cancer but the simple truth is that when you are desperate you’ll try anything. Taking into account how crucial oxygen is just to stay alive it seemed to make some sort of sense that it might do something.

Let me digress here. When you get diagnosed with cancer it hits you like a freight train and sets you spinning like a roulette wheel. “What the fuck am I going to do?” is possibly the question that most of us desperately ask ourselves. Apart from the mainstream cancer system there are so few people in Melbourne offering alternative non toxic treatments who can offer you any hope and positive treatments. I can’t speak for the rest of the world but almost 2 years down the track it still looks like the options are limited. Almost 10 million people die from cancer each year on Planet Earth. Please note that I have the utmost respect for the people battling cancer in hospitals and clinics. They are amazing. But the simple truth is that the numbers are not going down.

OK, I’ve got to get back to late 2020 and my own story. 

I made an appointment with Malcolm Hooper at Oxymed and arrived with Georgie, my wife at about 11 am in the morning on a hot summer day. My daughter listened in on the phone. I’ve got to say it’s so amazing having the support of your family at times like this. I’d be lying if I said that I can recall what Malcom said to me. He talked about cytokine storms and other technical things which I must admit I didn’t understand at the time but underlying all of this I trusted him and could sense that his intentions were good. He instilled confidence that something positive could be done. On top of this he recommended that I get an appointment with a G.P in Middle Park (another inner city Melbourne suburb) named Peter Eng. He spoke so highly of Peter and his success with cancer patients that I felt I had hit the jackpot, in retrospect I had. I received my first HBOT session that week and then they closed down for the Christmas break. I returned after Christmas to re-commence my first 60 hours of hyperbaric oxygen therapy.

In true form Medicare and probably most health insurance companies unfortunately don’t acknowledge most alternative treatments so your first reaction might be that the HBOT is going to be expensive but from my perspective and my own experience it is worth every cent. The trick with cancer seems to be to hit it with the works and hopefully I’m going to be able to share all of the different protocols I used and how they worked together. After lots of study it all eventually fit together and makes lots of sense how all off the different activities that I did complimented each other and made my fight against cancer far more effective. The oxygen can really give the tumour or cancer cells a good whack and potentially start killing off some of these “immortal” mutated cells that have lost the ability to die on their own.

I followed the work of Dr Thomas Seyfried who has done some breakthrough research into cancer as a metabolic disease of the mitochondria.

Wednesday June 29, 2022

I’m up early again this morning. Much to Georgie’s dismay! My alarm went off at 7 am and even though I only got a bit more than 6 hours sleep I feel pretty good, I got a decent amount of dip sleep but didn’t dream all that much last night. I’m going to get back into HBOT today after not having any for at least 3 months. Very happy about this.

Finn has Josh over and Jessie is arriving at 11.30 am. The 3 of them are going to drive down to Bairnsdale until the weekend. But first I have to take Finn’s car down to the servo and put air in his tyres, check his oil and water and hopefully get him a new head light.

I’m officially a passenger for the next 3 months. My license was suspended after I took the fall for an unwarranted speeding fine/offence that Finn got for going 67 kmh in a temporary 40 kmh zone in the tunnel at Ringwood. I have to say that I am quite enjoying this as I now get to enjoy looking at the environment instead of being glued on the road.

I’m currently doing an article on Metabolic Syndrome for my blog so I think I might get back to that.

Tuesday June 28, 2022

Metabolic Syndrome is a disorder that affects over 40% of people over 60. Metabolic syndrome is a metabolic disorder that involves not one, but a combination of three or more of the following health issues: abdominal obesity, high blood sugar, high triglyceride levels, high blood pressure or low HDL (“good”) cholesterol.

There are 5 indicators pointing toward having metabolic syndrome. If you have 3 of these then the likelihood of having metabolic syndrome is significant.

  • Increased waist circumference or belly fat. Men 40 inches (102 cm approx) and above. Women 35 inches (89cm) or above.
  • High triglycerides – 150 mg/dl or higher (38.8 mm/ol)
  • Elevated blood pressure – if it is over 135/85
  • High blood sugar – if your fasting blood sugar is over 5.5
  • Low HDL (High Density Lipoprotein A.K.A good cholesterol) – less than 50mg/dl ( 12.93 mm/ol) for women and 40mg/dl (10.35 mm/ol) for men in a fasted state.

N.B To convert mm/ol to mg/dl x 38.67

        To convert mg/ol to mm/ol x .2586

Having metabolic syndrome significantly increases your risk of cardiovascular disease and Type 2 Diabetes. It can also lead to non alcoholic fatty liver disease, stroke, kidney disease and in some cases can exacerbate the risk of cancer. If you drink too much chances are that you will have alcoholic fatty liver. The good news is that with knowledge and hard work you can reverse all of these symptoms.

I have handled it now but back in 2019 I had this condition and even though I am embarrassed to admit it, I had it for years. The fact that I reversed it without any help from the medical profession proves to me that it is 100% reversible if you make an effort. In Australia we used to call it a pot belly which was associated with men who drank a lot of beer. Apparently at least 25% of Americans suffer from metabolic syndrome and I would imagine the numbers are similar in Australia. 

Unfortunately most doctors do a minimal amount of training on diet, which in itself is shocking. But this doesn’t stop them from updating their knowledge and being more responsible for helping their patients to get healthy without big Pharma drugs.

From my own personal understanding and experience metabolic syndrome is a condition that is created by ourselves through over indulgence in what our society looks upon as “yummy” food, drink and a general lack of activity. To understand what brings it on you would need to understand how your metabolism works, what insulin resistance is, what happens when you eat too many carbohydrates, snack too much or eat too much sugar or glucose. I’ve put several YouTube clips at the end of this blog that I strongly advise you to study, even if it means watching them more than once.

My main observation in relation to myself is that I needed to understand what was happening to my body before I was willing ,able and ready to take responsibility to do something positive about it. My GP told me that I was pre-diabetic but she didn’t explain what that meant. Unfortunately she looked like she had the same condition! 

My fasting blood sugar was on the cusp of being at Type 2 Diabetic levels. That sounds a bit dumb of me but unfortunately those are the facts. I was very aware that my blood pressure was high but when I was prescribed blood pressure medication I just blindly took it and didn’t even look at what the side effects were. As far as my fat belly went, I felt defeated and the idea of it “going away” seemed harder than climbing Mt Everest and as far as triglycerides and HDL goes I had no idea at all.

Belly Circumference and Obesity

Even though your BMI (Body Mass Index) isn’t the best way of ascertaining what’s really going on it is a marker that can help you gauge your condition and consequently have a goal to work towards. To work out your BMI you get your weight in kilograms and divide it by your height in metres.

If your BMI is over 25 you are overweight and if it is over 30 then you are obese. You can also be underweight. So id your BMI is under 18.5 you should take action. N.B There are lots of other factors at play like how much muscle you have, visceral fat and adipose fat ratios plus a lot more so this is simply a screening tool.

The bottom line is that you really should be aware that if you have a big belly that you are putting yourself at risk of all cause mortality and potentially shortening your life and also your quality of life. That in itself should be enough for you to take action.

High Triglycerides

What is a triglyceride? Well, to put it simply they are a type of fat (lipid) found in your blood. When you eat or drink your body stores any calories that it doesn’t use right away into triglycerides. These are then stored in your fat cells. If you don’t eat too much the idea is that later on hormones release the fat as fuel to keep you going. This is why you lose weight when you fast or eat a well balanced low carbohydrate diet or if you are serious, a well structured ketogenic diet.

Our bodies are forever slowly evolving. Mother Nature is incredibly smart and let’s face it, it wasn’t that long ago that we were hunter gatherers and as such we faced long periods of potential lack of food. So this is what evolution designed as a portable “food supply” so when times are tough you actually had some fuel that you carry on your body (as fat). This works well until we arrived in the 21st century when there is a never ending supply of “yummy” un-nutricious food and drink available 24/7.

No wonder we are going through an obesity epidemic!

High Blood Pressure

Also known as hypertension. HBP is a long term medical condition in which blood pressure in the arteries is persistently elevated. Hypertension is a major cause of premature death worldwide. Yep, it eventually kills you. If you are a big drinker chances are you will have high blood pressure, if you eat heaps of junk food ditto. 

High blood pressure is when your resting blood pressure is persistently above 130/85. It is measured  in millimetres mercury (mmHg). My advice is that you go out and buy a cheap BP machine and regularly check and record you blood pressure.

Sure, you can get medication to regulate your blood pressure but when you read the list of side effects I’m sure a sensible person will opt toward making some serious life style changes to normalise their BP. But having said that I am not suggesting that you throw away your medication until you have your BP under control in a more natural way.

According to Wikipedia hypertension’s believed to have been a factor in 18% of all deaths in 2010.

High Blood Sugar

Basically this means that there is an excessive amount of glucose circulating in your blood plasma. It is also called hyperglycaemia.

This is my understanding. 

Back when I was a kid we ate 3 meals a day with very little snacking. My mum made sure that we had a relatively nutritious breakfast, lunch and dinner. “Treats” were just that, they were rewards that didn’t come that often. I don’t remember eating between meals.

I’m not going to get into the nitty gritty here but over the past 7 decades we have been fed huge amounts of misinformation by the food industry about what we should and should not eat. All you need to do is to look at the obesity levels and the increase in diseases like Type 2 Diabetes and Alzheimer’s Disease in our society to see the signs that something is wrong. Saturated fat was demonised and low fat processed foods were promoted as the healthy alternative. We fell for the hype and the big food processors and supermarkets lined their pockets with lots of cash while the little butcher shops and veggies shops struggled to keep up with the convenience that highly processed sugar laden foods full of chemicals and toxic highly processed oils seemed to provide.

So here is the dumbed down version of what happens when you eat. Keep in mind that most of what we eat in the SAD (Standard Australian Diet) is processed carbohydrate. All you need to do is to look on the back of the food packaging to see how many carbs are in your food. Just think about this based on what you eat yourself for a minute and look at one day of food that you consume.

Maybe you eat a muffin or some processed cereal for breakfast. Most of the time you have no idea what is going on in your body when you gobble up your food. As soon as you eat high glycemic carbs they convert to glucose which ends up in your blood. Depending on what you eat this might quite often shoot it up far too high. Your body spots this and directs the pancreas to produce some insulin to bring the blood sugar down to a normal level. Within about 90 minutes your blood sugar drops and you are hungry again. Time for another snack. The insulin spikes again and the cycle repeats throughout the day. It’s a bit like an open fire. If you just used kindling you would need to keep stacking it on to keep the fire burning.

Eventually your body goes a bit nuts and the insulin stops working as it should. To put it very simply insulin is like a key that opens the door of the cell to let the glucose in. The glucose is supposed to be your fuel. If it can’t get into the cell it stays in your blood and eventually manifests as High Blood Sugar.

This is called insulin resistance. I urge you to study what this is in detail and to fully get your head around its implications as it is at the base of many of our current metabolic problems that lead to Metabolic Syndrome.

Low HDL Cholesterol

Cholesterol has become a dirty word yet our bodies need it. From what I understand our own bodies produce about 80% of what we need and the rest comes from our food.

Somewhere along the line we were convinced that cholesterol is our enemy. It’s a bit like saying that ambulances are usually seen at the scene of an accident so therefore they must be responsible for accidents. Whoops!

Cholesterol is a waxy, fat-like substance that is found in all cells in our body. Your liver makes cholesterol and your body needs cholesterol to work properly.

With HDL cholesterol. Higher numbers are actually better because it can lower your risk go coronary artery disease and stroke.

Simply stated HDL carries cholesterol from other parts of your body back to your liver which then removes the bad stuff from your body.

LDL (Low density lipoproteins) is the bad stuff and builds up in your arteries. But let’s face it, cholesterol is far more complex than this.

The way to increase your LDL levels is a well planned, healthy diet, controlled weight, lots of exercise and an absence of toxic substances like tobacco, alcohol and toxic fast and/or processed foods.

Monday June 27, 2022

Thank god I never get bored. I’ve always got something to get done and each day comes to an end with me feeling a slight regret that I didn’t do more than I could have.

I suppose that’s a good thing that I should be more than happy about.

What I eat in a day

Over the past 3 years I have been on a journey to improve my overall health. I am predominantly running my own “show” and have been from the start. I do it by learning, tweaking, trial and error and blood testing. So far this method of mine has seemed to work. I’ve lost 30 kgs of weight and reversed some major health issues. This has been mainly done by changing my lifestyle as opposed to medical intervention. Buy this I mean  a healthy ketogenic diet, time restricted eating, exercise, learning, sleep plus some IVs and Hyperbaric Oxygen therapy along the way.

I tested my blood sugar and ketones late last night, to my surprise the blood sugar was 4.1 (approx 74 US) and ketones were 4 which gives me a Glucose Ketone Index (GKI) of 1. To be honest, I was surprised which just goes to show that testing is essential. You can’t guess this stuff.

3 years ago I started investigating intermittent fasting. One of my main problems was snacking. I had no idea about insulin spikes or how the body metabolised food back then. I decided to give it a go as I was desperate to improve my overall health and lose weight. I came to the point where I couldn’t bear looking at myself in a mirror.

Intermittent Fasting

The idea is to fast for about 16-18 hours a day and to eat in the remaining window of time. That gives you a roughly 6-8 hour window to have 2 meals, sometimes I even pull this back to one meal. The trick is to break the fast with a simple healthy, fatty meal. I’m not a big fan of meat so I tend to eat something like an avocado, an omelette with veggies or a bowl of homemade bone broth soup. I just eat until I am full. I recall back in the day when I indulged in carbs that I would regularly overeat, not because I was hungry or needed the fuel but because it felt good! Because I’m following a ketogenic diet I don’t get hungry, my blood sugar remains stable and I don’t need to snack. I’ll compare it to an open fire. You light the fire and it starts up in a blaze of glory but all you have is kindling (compare to carbs) the fire burns brightly but before you know it starts to die down and you need to throw more kindling on it. But what happens when you have a few big logs (fat), they burn all day and give off a radiant and balanced amount of heat without the need to throw more kindling wood on every 30 minutes or so. I won’t go into the mechanics of this in this current post but this is something about metabolism that you need to get your head around. When your body has adapted and is able to use fat as a fuel to create ketones you just don’;t get the ups and downs in your blood sugar and you are very rarely genuinely hungry. This transition takes a while so for your own sake … do not expect it to happen overnight.

A RESPONSE TO MY DOCTORS

Hi Sam and Peter

Somehow I have been caught up in your “friendly” disagreements about vaccines and other medical viewpoints. The way I see it is that you are both wonderful medical practitioners who both have an overwhelming desire to help people and that when the two of you work together your patients are the winners.

As far as vaccines go I don’t want to voice a viewpoint but I will say that in this day and age it is important to look at who is funding the studies. Like anything these days outcomes can be tweaked either way.

I received the Novavax shot in February mainly because I needed to go overseas. Apart from my brush with cancer I haven’t been sick at all for 3 years. I have not had covid and I have not had any flus. It appears that many people who have also been vaccinated have had both and in some cases more than once. As far as I can tell I did not have any adverse reactions to the 2 vaccinations that I had.

My viewpoint is that the medical community, our governments and our media have a great responsibility to educate people about how to improve their personal health, improve their immune systems and generally have a greater understanding of how they can protect themselves against the various viruses, bacteria, general health issues like Type 2 Diabetes, for example and auto immune diseases that are so prevalent these days. I’m sure you would both agree with this.

I have proved to myself that with a bit of knowledge and hard work and discipline that you can improve the quality of your life and health.

Peter recommended that I wait for Novavax and after a lot of personal research I decided that this was my safest course. For the record Peter never expressed any broad anti-vax sentiments or viewpoints to me, he just expressed concern over the lack of knowledge about the possible outcomes of the Messenger RNA vaccines. If you look hard enough you can find many pros and many cons about them. 

The world is changing and my perception is that Governments and big business seem to be working together more and more to globalise their interests. That’s probably how capitalism works, everyone just wants to make a “buck”.

The important thing to me is that for cancer patients the two of you make a great team. Peter’s IVs and overall treatments and advice help us prepare our bodies to receive the standard of care that Sam delivers and his comprehensive follow up appointments and checks. That’s got to be a good thing.

In my humble opinion I believe that you both should look at the wonderful jobs that each of you are doing individually and in concert with each other and stop trying to convince each other about who is right and who is wrong. The way I see it you are both right and that’s all that matters.

I will continue to do my own research and write about what I learn and realise from my own viewpoint as a) I have a great desire to continue to be as healthy as possible, for as long as possible and b) I want to be able to help anybody else who wants to help themselves have a greater understanding of how their body works and what they can potentially study to improve their own overall health.

Regards

Gary Collier

TO KAYE RE FINN’S MASSAGES AND RGCCC FOR GARY

Hi Kaye You asked me to contact you in regard to Finn’s massages. Last time you paid for 4 massages @ $65 per hourly massage ($260 all up) you paid Leenan massage directly. I sent you their account details and can do so again if needed. I really appreciate your support. Finn has turned the corner and is doing something positive which is giving him really positive results.

Another thing I want to ask you about is my follow up RGCCC (Greek) Circulating Tumour Cell test. Peter Eng has asked me to do a follow up test to make certain that things are going as planned. I’m supposed to do the test every 6 months but it’s been a year now. We discussed this a while ago and you mentioned that you would help out financially with this as we don’t have the money for me to do it. The cost is $1550 and I would love to do it ASAP before we go back to Bali. If I did it next week I would get the results back in 2-3 weeks. What are your thoughts on this?

Regards Gary

Sunday June 26, 2022

I slept in this morning, really really slept in. Half the day has disappeared. I’m not going to feel too guilty as there is absolutely nothing I can do now apart from going to bed earlier tonight. Bali is 36 days away.

The more I listen to scientists and researchers talk about the ketogenic diet the more it sounds right for me. The thing is that you can pretend that you are on a ketogenic diet when what you should be doing is a) eating organic and free range and b) recording everything that you eat C) limiting calories amongst other things.

Don’t get me wrong. My version of this diet has served me well over the past 3 years and I’m more than grateful that I found it and all the data available. My health has turned around. But alas I am an extremist and things must be done in an extreme manner, including my nutritional needs.

I’ve been kidding myself of late after finding a YouTube channel called Keto Focus. The thing is the lady makes great low carb recipes but they are crap and if you really stretch things out and take your glasses off you can convince yourself that you are still doing keto.

What does it mean when you are the only person that you are kidding. When FOMO takes over and you put your pleasure ahead of your health. This is a habit that I do not want to break but I really must.

I’m thinking that Finn, Georgie and I all need to do some serious blood tests. The thing is that I don’t really know enough to know what we need. Well, I do know that Finn has to start with the neurotransmitter test and that Georgie can start with a simple batch of tests ordered by a GP to get the ball rolling. I should ask A what is available for me.

Saturday June 25, 2022

I fell off the carb wagon yesterday and bought 5 potato cakes from the chip shop in Collins Place on the way home from the gym and my massage. They weren’t the best potato cakes that I’ve ever had so really the few minutes of anticipation wasn’t really worth the consequences. The end result was 12 minutes deep sleep, my worst for months.

On a more positive note I did go to the gym and do 55 minutes and I did do a decent walk and have a great massage.

I also got a bit of tidying up done yesterday.

Since being back from Bali the rudder has dropped off my boat and I’ve lost direction. I came back full of enthusiasm but the winter the cold, the incessant need to stay quiet has knocked me around. In other words I haven’t responded well to it. I’ve reacted. Big difference.

It’s the weekend again …. 36 days until we return to Bali.

Cancer Blog

Going up against cancer is a big deal which requires a huge amount of self discipline and effort. This battle is a moment in time when you really must decide whether you are going to cast your fate to the wind or to dedicate all of your efforts and resources toward fighting it.

The battle against this deadly manifestation of mutant cell proliferation is going to be part of your life from the moment you are diagnosed until the moment that you die. Hopefully this moment will be many years down the road from when you find out that cancer is lingering in your body.

I dropped into Dr Eng’s IV clinic in Armstrong St, Middle Park a couple of days ago to say hello to the staff and Peter. Peter Eng was the doctor who I chose to direct a significant part of my cancer treatment, especially the IVs (vitamin C and Curcumin amongst others) and tests that helped my body respond positively to fighting the cancer. Peter is 84 years old and should be enjoying his retirement but he has instead chosen to continue to help and support his fellow man in their quest to rise above cancer. He was a saint who offered me hope during my campaign to beat the onslaught of cancer. The first thing that he offered me was hope. I wasn’t long into my cancer journey when I first met him but until that moment I didn’t have a light to to guide me. He offered optimism and a positive expectation of curing myself. He also directed me toward Dr Sam Leung, a seasoned and well practised radiologist who was in charge of my radiation therapy.

I suppose the point is that cancer is a very complex disease that is still not fully understood. The mainstream are just starting to move toward researching and applying immunotherapy after spending decades trying to attack cancer through the genes. I’m not going to even pretend to understand the nitty gritty of what cancer does to mutate and proliferate and eventually to metastasise into different parts of one’s body. I’m not going to question the mainstream oncologists who all seem to have very good intentions but based on the numbers unfortunately not great results.

My point is that the individual fight against cancer is your own. Just like any fight, we have whatever capabilities that we have and it is up to us as individuals to learn new skills and abilities through research, study and application. You can say that your enemy was stronger than you, which may well be true but that’s a rather shitty excuse when the end result is you receiving a beating. You owe it to yourself to prepare yourself in whatever way you are capable of.

The way I see it is that like almost anything on our wonderful planet, cancer is complex and the fight against it also needs to be complex. There are nuances everywhere and for somebody like me the only option was to try everything that I could find that wasn’t going to be toxic or create long term harm to my body.

The common thread between all living things no matter how simple or complex is the overwhelming desire to survive. The thing that I had to get through my head was that cancer is just a clump of cells that are doing whatever they need to do to survive. I just had to a) want to survive a bit more than the cancer cells and b) work out practical and effective ways to pull it off.

I heard a researcher describe her quest as a nontoxic, metabolic and many pronged approach to dealing with cancer. You cannot afford to be stuck on anything as you will certainly come across new information as your journey continues. But for me the goal was to defeat the cancer and get it under control without destroying my body in the process. I figured that if I could make my body’s natural defences stronger and healthier that I might just come out the other end stronger and wiser.

Like I’ve said in earlier posts, part of my mission was to put together a team that I could trust and rely on. They didn’t even have to agree with each other or for that matter be working together. That was up to me to co-ordinate what they had to offer me. So I am grateful to Dr Peter Eng, Dr Sam Leung, Malcolm Hooper, the technicians at the radiology clinic, the oncologists from Monash Health, my family and from afar Dr Thomas Seyfied, Dom D’Agostino, Dr Peter Attia, Miriam Kalamian, Peter Berg …. I feel like I’m giving a speech at the Academy Awards and I’m sure as hell leaving people out who I should be naming. But the point that I’m making is that I used every tool and resource that I could within my own understanding, capability and resources/finances.

My advice is that you owe it to yourself to do your own research, find your own team and work out your own strategy. Why? Because it is YOUR life that is hanging in balance. You may think that everyone else is wiser than you but I’ll tell you right now that your personal urge to survive is more powerful than any other factor.

I have been lucky so far. I am currently cancer free based on all of the tests that I have done and my intention is to stay that way. So my battle against cancer is an ongoing campaign that will be part of my life until the day that I die, which if I have my way will be sometime after my 100th birthday.

Friday June 24, 2022

I have recently purchased my first gym membership for 2 decades. I am now 70 and overall quite fit. My main form of exercise is regular long walks which I embark upon for an average of 90 minutes each day. I’ve been working on this for 3 years now.

I am spending a good deal of my time working on my health and fitness but this is with good reason due to my brush with cancer in 2020 and 2021 plus most of the time it is fun and also rewarding.

My reason for joining the gym is twofold. Firstly to spend time with and to do an activity with my 22 year old son and secondly to improve the muscles and bone density in my own body.

After a huge amount of work I have got my BMI into an ideal range for my age and height and my muscle rate is 60% or 47 kg of my 78 kg weight. To be quite frank I don’t really know too much about my skeleton and the muscle that is attached to it so I’ve decided to learn as much as I can.

Sarcopenia

 

That’s the name given to age related muscle loss. After you hit 30 years old apparently you start losing muscle, a man can lose about 30% of his muscle during his lifetime. This obviously affects both your mobility and puts you at greater risk of falling and injuring yourself. Yep, this is something I know about after falling down a flight of stairs in 2017 when I was 65 and badly fracturing my left elbow which resulted in a huge operation. Thank god this has pretty much healed now. All I can say is that I was bloody lucky. I could have easily killed myself but fate allowed me to continue living, as it normally does.

The more physically inactive you are the more muscle you lose and even if you do exercise you will still experience some sarcopenia. It looks like the critical age when the “shit hits the fan” is around 70.

There are all sorts of factors that contribute to muscle atrophy including nerves, hormones, messed up metabolism, lack of high quality protein.

The good news is that resistance and strength training can help to turn this around hence my gym membership.

Cachexia

Cachexia occurs in people who have cancer. It involves a loss of appetite, changes in the way your body uses protein, carbs and fat. People with cachexia lose muscle and also fat as well.

With cachexia the cells in your muscles, fat and liver might not respond well to insulin. Or in other words this might exacerbate insulin resistance. From my rather simplistic understanding this makes it at least partially have something to do with metabolism hence my theory that a well formulated healthy ketogenic diet might help. Cancer also causes inflammation and contributes somewhat to the creation of cytokines that mess with the immune system and metabolism. The cytokines can make the metabolism speed up so that you burn up calories faster which can result in severe weight loss and wasting away.

It can become a vicious circle with advanced cancer patients because there is a lack of appetite, weight loss which includes both muscle and fat, low red blood cells which affect the amount of oxygen your organs receive and a general weakness and fatigue which will effect your ability to move around. This happened to my poor Mum when she turned 90. Nobody in the medical profession diagnosed that she had advanced pancreatic cancer until it was too late. If only I knew what I knew now!

Cancer Treatments

When I did my radiotherapy I was in a strong position having been on a ketogenic diet for almost 2 years before I was diagnosed. My radiotherapy oncologist decided to give me short bursts of radiation aimed specifically at the lymph node in my neck where the tumour was, as opposed to carpet bombing me, I was on a very strict ketogenic diet and was also practising intermittent fasting, doing regular hyperbaric oxygen therapy as well as having an extensive course of IV treatment directed by Dr Eng, my wonderful Melbourne based cancer doctor. Overall I was in pretty good shape and all of the aforementioned activities really contributed to me not having virtually any side effects from the radiation apart from a bit of a red neck. The nurses at the radiotherapy clinic couldn’t believe their eyes. Interestingly enough though, they didn’t ask me what the “secret” to my smooth sailing was! I am 100% confident that the strict ketogenic diet plus all of my other protocols served to protect me against the potential negative effects from my treatment. From what I have studied and understood a well formulated ketogenic diet and fasting can help protect your healthy cells from most mainstream cancer treatments including chemotherapy.

The road forward for me, now that I am cancer free, is to be vigilant and continue to follow a very healthy lifestyle which includes all of the above and any other successful actions that I have already applied. I’ll be going to the gym on a regular basis to build up my muscles with the goal of staying healthy, creating a clean environment in my body and generally improving my health in any way I can every day of my life.

The following interviews with researcher Don D’Agostino cover some of the things I have talked about in this post. They can be a bit heavy going and technical at times but knowledge is your most powerful weapon against cancer. Push through and define as many words that you don’t understand as possible. You may have to listen to each lecture several times but from my own experience it is worth it. Knowledge gives you the power to be responsible for your own condition and to hopefully be in control.

Thursday June 23, 2022

I went to the gym for the third time yesterday. The workouts that I’m doing are not what you would call intense but for me they are still a challenge. I think I will need to go every second day to get any benefit out of them. I have another 5 weeks before Bali and still have to work out how to get in an extensive bout of oxygen before we leave, plus a few floats.

Finances are still a problem and will continue to be a problem until we create a constant stable income source which we aren’t doing a great job of at the moment.

I’ve really gone down the rabbit hole in the mornings. I was waking up and also actually getting up in Bali at about 6 am, so happy to get ready and go off for a walk which invariably finished before 9 pm. I am much happier getting up early.

It’s winter in Melbourne so the house is cold, it is quite and it is pretty messy. 

The positives are the new gym regime and access to oxygen and other health facilities.

Wednesday June 22, 2022

I feel like an agitated and anxious demon has entered my body and brain. I’m counting the days before we head back to Bali. Melbourne isn’t a great location for me at the moment. It could possibly be that I’m seeing less people, communicating less, maybe it’s got something to do with the cold weather or the nitty gritty of just being somewhere that I don’t necessarily want to be at this stage of my life. 

Having said that, Melbourne is a great city and I should be happy that it is my home.

Some weird shit happened last night with Kaye on the way back from dinner. She asserted her ownership of Red Hill and started carrying on about having 30% of the shed that we’ve just spent $10,000 renovating. For some reason this had a profound effect on me which resulted in me feeling stuck up my backside for the rest of the night.

Main tasks today are getting Finn to the Gym, ordering vitamins, getting Keto Kultur website started, going on a walk and having a sauna. Doing the charts for Bali finance and also a spreadsheet for Georgie’s supplements plus some research into her diet.

I’ve somehow contracted in the past few weeks as far as my interaction with others. When I was young I drew a character called Jack Frost who had prickly ridges all along his body, that sort of sums me up at the moment. Always ready to attack back. YUK. It’s sure as hell not winning me any popularity competitions so I’ll need to keep a check on this shitty reactionary bullshit and start responding in present time.

Tuesday June 21, 2022

I had a weird sleep last night maybe but to taking 2 tablets of Naltrexone before bed. I’ll try taking it in the middle of the day today. Another manifestation was perspiration, something that I just don’t do anymore in bed. I plan on taking it for the next couple of weeks to mount a small attack on any random circulating tumour cells floating around in my body. The more I do research on and study cancer the more complex it appears but I just need to keep pushing through and putting that big old “jigsaw puzzle” together until the picture becomes clearer.

Another breakthrough yesterday was that I realized that I need to define the components of my cells like D.N.A, genes, chromosomes, telomeres etc. If I don’t know what these things are then I don’t have a chance of understanding too much at all. 

Cancer researchers over the past 50 years or so have been focusing on the manifestation of gene mutations. It looks like there is no doubt that genes mutate but there are so many mutations that it appears that it will be I’m possible to cure cancer by going down this road.

The focus these days is leaning toward immunotherapy. In other words with improving or manipulating the immune system the researchers are hoping that they can create drugs or protocol to kick start the immune system to attack the cancer. This makes more sense to me mainly based on the current statistics. The number of people dying from cancer isn’t really going down whereas the number of people dying from heart attacks has seemingly decreased over the past 50 years. 

For me things are pointing back to chronic inflammation being the culprit. From my basic understanding acute stress that manifests as inflammation is actually a positive way to make our bodies grow stronger. Examples are exercise, muscle growth, hot and cold therapy even hunger. Short bursts of acute stress cause the body to switch on, wake up and repair itself quite often in better shape than it was. This is called hormesis. On the other hand chronic inflammation causes the body to weaken and the immune system to stop doing its job efficiently.

This makes perfect sense to me in light of what I have studied about cancer being a disease of the metabolism. Dr Thomas Seyfried postulates that when the mitochondria get damaged the cell is compromised and consequently stops producing ATP which gives the body the energy it needs to survive. Simplistically put, the cell then individuates from the other cells in the body and its urge to survive becomes irrational. Instead of being part of a team it just wants to survive so desperately no matter what the consequences are and if this means taking down the good guys then so be it. It even works out ways to trick the immune system into doing things that are contrary to overall survival.

Monday June 20, 2022

Although it feels like I didn’t accomplish much yesterday the truth of the matter belies me.

I went for a 90 minute walk with Georgie. Caught upon own my Defrag Blues blog entries and posted a blog on my Brush With Cancer. Then I spent an hour at the gym with Finn, which in itself was a huge breakthrough, I spoke to “A”, I had long conversations with Kaye and I put together the bare bones of a Go Fund Me campaign as well as making some delicious soup from the duck broth that I had prepared 24 hours earlier. I underestimate myself sometimes.

Overall I feel that I have a good, workable entry point into my Cancer/Keto website and help platform, that’s something else I have started .… www.ketokultur.com. It will all obviously evolve as time goes by and glaring outpoints will show their ugly faces and be put away in dark boxes. I really do believe I can help. Almost 10 million people die from cancer worldwide every year. This surely makes it something worthwhile focusing on.

Finn seems to be doing well with his progress. Massages every Wednesday seem to be helping and we have enrolled in a gym and did our second workout yesterday. I’m really pleased with the progress so far.

Starting a new project isn’t as easy as it may appear. There again I suppose starting is when you begin so that is the easy part. The hard part is building a strong foundation to build on. That’s what I am struggling with and then there are the moments of doubt and of course the funny fears attached to commitment. 

Here’s a list of what I need to do :

  • Get a few testimonials from people who I have helped.
  • Get www.ketokultur.com up and running.
  • Start streamlining and promoting the GoFundMe campaign.
  • Actually state my goal 

Sunday June 19, 2022

Have I fallen down the rabbit hole of faith or is it just plain old acceptance? Somewhere along the line I have just put aside my fear of death. Not so much the moment of transition but the mystery of what lies in wait for me when my body stops working. Every now and then I get little flashes of greater understanding or maybe some could call it enlightenment. Like the other day I finally almost understood what it means to get your ego under control. In actual fact this doesn’t mean that you cannot be confident or boisterous or full of life, it simply means that you have to let go of the obsession to hold onto your desperate need of your individuality, memories and possibly your worldly possessions. I don’t think it means that you even have to give anything up. It seems that it is all about being able to have or not have. To be honest, I haven’t fully mastered that one yet in all it’s shapes and facets.

The simple truth is that if something is inevitable then there is absolutely no point or value in expressing or experiencing fear about it. 

Fear of the unknown is like a big sticky pot of glue, glue that can stick you to one single spot … hard and fast.

Saturday June 18, 2022

It’s been about 20 years ago that I last had a gym membership. That’s about to change today (I hope) when Finn and I go to the gym that we’ve been looking at recently and sign up and pay for a year membership.

There are 2 reasons for this. First one is to get Finn being more active. I’ve got a bit of a plan underway to get Finn losing weight and getting in better touch with his body. This involves vitamins, massage and now weights. Cardio will come next. The other reason is to build up my own muscle. I’m 70 and it’s pretty obvious that my muscles have started breaking down. I’m nowhere near as strong as I have been when I was younger and apart from the walking I have been doing over the past few years I haven’t done anything to improve my muscles. 

We did a trial workout about 3 days ago and I’m surprised about the level of pain I have had during recovery. It’s not unpleasant pain, but it is the sort of pain that helps me become more aware of the amount of work I will need to do.

I’m actually quite excited.

The new wires on my braces have been intense. The pain the dentist predicted has not come in the form of moving teeth but it has come in abscesses on my inner cheeks which are exacerbated by the thick wire rubbing on the tender cheek skin. I’ve taken to plugging my mouth with bits of cotton wool to keep the wire and my skin seperate but this hasn’t been all that effective.

Friday June 17, 2022

Cancer : The Beginning

With those first apologetic and somewhat sympathetic words that the doctor utters when he/she delivers that life changing sentence “I’m sorry, you have cancer” Thor’s hammer comes out of no-where and smacks you in your innermost core, smashing your gut and making your head spin like a roulette wheel. You have no idea where the ball will land. It’s the luck of the draw.

It takes time to re-adjust to this new reality. The first decision to make is whether you are going to offer yourself up to the mainstream cancer/oncology system, putting your faith in whatever solace they have to offer or to choose the other extreme of becoming an expert in warfare in your own personal battle against this new enemy. Actually I’m lying, the first decision you should make is to survive, not only to survive but to do it in good health with minimal damage.

Having been in this position myself not too long ago I consider myself somewhat equipped to have an opinion. An opinion based on my own anecdotal experience and the actual outcome of my efforts.

At this early point in your diagnosis you are not only responsible for yourself, your own fears, feelings and doubts, unfortunately your prognosis will surely also impact those closest to you. They may splatter against a wall like smashed pizzas, they may even need your support and reassurance that you will do whatever you need to survive or alternatively if you are lucky and you emanate a sense of optimism and confidence they may enlist into your “army”. I found this to be an unexpected scenario  that I would have never expected. People love a winner and they surely want to be on the winning team.

What I discovered was that at the very beginning you will be making decisions based on gut feelings, emotions and possibly fear. It’s OK to make a wrong decision or two at this juncture as long as you are willing to remain fluid and change direction at the drop of a hat. I found that locking in on “one direction” was initially all I could seem to do because I didn’t have any other options.

At the outset I found the mainstream to be proficient, efficient and highly technological with their big scanning machines and operations to find the primary, relatively impersonal and unfortunately for me, ineffective. This observation is only based on my own experience. I had to trust somebody. At this stage I looked on these guys as my lifeline and I hung on every word they said to me. I had been thrust into a brand new reality in which I knew none of the basic principles, terminology or protocols.

All I knew was that cancer killed people. Words have power and the word cancer is up there with some of the scariest words in the language.

I was looking for a rope to grab onto. Something that could become a foundation to build on. I won’t say anymore about my experiences with the mainstream hospital/oncology system. All I will say is that new ideas seem to take a long time to integrate into the medical system and that the people who are involved really do seem to want to save peoples lives, it is the system that lags behind. It didn’t seem too safe to be talking about or asking questions about what is still new research and seemingly experimental alternative treatments of cancer.

I still wonder what the outcome might have been if I had put my faith in the mainstream. I’ll never know because after about one month of diagnostic operations, hospital stays, appointments with oncology teams … many from which I left confused and dismayed, lots of scans and testing, I opted out in favour of what I viewed as a more holistic approach in which I was the one taking responsibility for the information and protocols that I applied to my cancer.

That might sound egotistical. Here I was at 68 years of age embarking on what I viewed as a battle to save my life. My knowledge of cancer, cells, metabolism and such was pretty much at the “John and Betty” (a prep reader from the 50s) level. These were my cells, it was my body and more importantly to me I had made a decision somewhere along the way that I was going to survive and beat the cancer that was trying to overwhelm the healthy cells of my body.

By now it was early 2021. Luckily for me I had decided at the beginning of 2019 to turn my health around. At this stage of my life I really wasn’t in great shape. I suppose I had resigned myself to being overweight, having high blood pressure and a liver that left a lot to be desired amongst other physiological shortcomings. I have always had an addictive personality and whether I am going in a positive or negative direction I always hit it with an intensity and single mindedness that can be scary at times. That’s a whole story in itself which I might address a bit later. 

What happened back then was that I realized how precious and magical life is. Whether we are reincarnated or some other mystical continuum happens or even if there is nothing at all I became intensely aware that the present moment and my interaction with it is something to treasure and to really appreciate. I also realized that if I was going to continue to live a life in this body that I needed to repair it so that I had a vehicle which would serve me well for the coming years.

The point of change came on New Years Eve 2018. The first 6 weeks were bumpy but I had at least made a decision to do a 360 degree turn and get honest and straight with myself. In mid February 2019 I kicked alcohol cold turkey. I’ll go into that in detail a bit later because it was a very significant moment. I’ve got some pictures of myself at this time which I look at from time to time to remember how far I have come. Let me assure you that they are not a pretty sight. I really wasn’t in great shape.

From past experience I was very aware that I couldn’t rely on anyone else as a crutch. Whatever I was going to do from this point on had to be done on my own steam. The first tool I needed was knowledge. If I could piece together the knowledge that I needed then I could start taking more and more responsibility for my own condition. Sifting through new sources of information can be tricky when you begin and this wasn’t an exception to the rule. Bit by bit I was able to discard the incorrect opinionated data and slowly discover information that worked for me and helped me attain positive results.

By the time that I was diagnosed with Cancer I had spend almost 2 years working on my knowledge, health and fitness. By November 2020 I had well and truly turned the corner and had lost 20 kgs on top of completely normalising my blood pressure, handling my insulin resistance and metabolic syndrome, dumping any and all medications, reversing my pre-diabetes condition and becoming quite fit. It came as a huge shock to be told that I had cancer at the same time that I was celebrating my hard earned wellness. But who knows maybe things would have been far worse if I hadn’t done the ground work. 

The diagnosis came after a few “almost” fainting incidents. I thought that I should see my GP and get some tests done due to light-headedness. She was amazing and pursued the symptoms like a dog with a bone. I really felt for her having to deliver the news about my cancer to me.

The pathology report stated that I had a squamous cell carcinoma which was located in the lymph node on the left side of my neck. The tumour was quite small which was slightly comforting but it had come from somewhere and the doctors performed two operations to try to discover the source of the cancer which is called “the primary”. Like I said, this was a very surreal and strange time. Fear mingled with a new found appreciation of life, organising grand funerals in my head and then crashing the plans down like kicking a castle made of sand when I realized that what I really wanted was a long, happy and healthy life. I became very philosophical and pondered how I would go confronting death, surprisingly I didn’t panic.

The initial stages of this new reality were akin to being stuck in a vortex.

Then just before Christmas in 2020, almost one month into my journey my daughter suggested that I find out about hyperbaric oxygen therapy. This was the beginning of my own journey, taking control of my condition and also my recovery.

Over the coming weeks I did painstaking research on the internet and bit by bit I found researchers and doctors who made sense to me. In some ways this journey into learning about my body was one of my most powerful tools as it helped me understand and to decide on the protocols that I would follow. 

I’m going to break down what these protocols were later. For now I’ll just skim over the basics. Like any learning process that I have experienced the first thing you need is a reliable data source plus the awareness that you “don’t already know”, you cannot learn new knowledge if you think you know already. I wasn’t interested in opinions or miracles, what I was looking for was information on what cancer was, how it adversely affected my body and it’s relationship to my own cellular structure, my immune system and anything else that might enlighten me. 

It was like beginning to put together a huge jigsaw puzzle for the very first time. My first reaction was being overwhelmed by all the pieces of the jigsaw but ever so slowly I was able to start finding pieces that fit together and before too long I could start to see the bigger picture forming.

I began writing about my experiences, my new knowledge,  the application, observations and results. The first thing I do each and every morning is to start writing or journaling as it is called these days. This has given me a certain objectivity that I now value. I also embarked upon using hyperbaric oxygen therapy, IVs and re-purposed drugs … some natural and some pharmaceutical, I used my infrared sauna and used my pool as a cold plunge in winter, I walked for up to 2 hours a day and piggy backed by listening to podcasts while I walked, sauna’ed and even while I was going to sleep. I learned about the importance of a good nights sleep and invested in an oura ring, I modified my ketogenic diet to apply it more to cancer, I recorded everything that I ate and drank in an app called Cronometer.  I even meddled with Pranic healing, float tanks and massage then I did daily blood tests for glucose and ketones, blood pressure, weight, sleep, general blood tests etc as I figured that if I knew this information I could tweak what I was doing to get better results.

Bit by bit I strengthened what seemed to get results and “gently” dumped the activities that I wasn’t certain about. I felt like a general strategizing against an enemy that I was beginning to understand.

To finish off this advice I will say 2 things. Firstly don’t kick yourself if you don’t fully understand all of the information you come across. It is hard, especially for those of us who don’t have a background in biology, metabolism, chemistry et al. A lot of the data is highly technical and while it would be great to understand exactly what angiogenesis is or COX or immune blockers what really matters is having enough understanding to start to apply positive actions to your condition and to have a greater understanding of what is happening. The other one is in regard to money. We each have whatever resources we have. Some are rich and some are poor while others have a small nest egg. All you need to know is that you are worth every cent you spend on your recovery. Always remember that the goal is to defeat the cancer and live a long and healthy life. There are many things that you can do to fight your cancer that won’t cost you a cent. For example, a healthy organic, free range ketogenic diet will cost you less than an expensive SAD (standard Australian diet) because you will be eating less crap and processed food. Walking is free. Journalling just needs a pen and paper. Fasting before and after treatment saves you money while protecting your healthy cells and making the treatment more effective. What I’m saying is that you don’t need to be a rich person to defeat cancer, although money does help. The health insurance and medicare sectors do not look kindly on alternative medical treatments so this is just something you have to accept.

I have lived a fantastic life full of creativity, adventure, music and art, communication and interaction with wonderful people. I arrived in my mid 60s without a nest egg which I admit wasn’t all that smart but that’s just me. The eternal optimist. I had a small amount of superannuation and the support of my wife and family. We decided that my life was a decent sort of investment and threw everything we had at handling the cancer. Along the way some miracles happened and more money appeared from nowhere. Who knows how the magic of the universe works! What I am saying here is that you owe it to yourself to invest in your recovery. You can’t take your money with you when you die and I’m sure your family would rather have you alive than dead.

I plan on expanding on this introduction to my cancer journey as time goes by. I have to admit that I’ve tried writing about it countless times but not been happy with what ended up on the page. I have millions of raw words from my journalling and a great and burning desire to help.

I have tried helping individual people. The time and effort that this takes is prohibitive. The best way I can help is to write about my own experiences as well as to let you know the sources and references of the information and knowledge that I found along the way.

My plan is to set up a “Go Fund Me” page to support my efforts. If I was rich I wouldn’t need to do this but alas, this isn’t the case. If you feel that what I am doing deserves support please donate. Either once or regularly, a lot or a little. I will be putting hours of my time into this project.

Thursday June 16, 2022

I am. Then there is the reality of time and space in which I have located myself with my feelings, thoughts and memories creating some transient character that I have called me. I’m OK with Hubbard’s Theta – MEST Theory or at least my limited understanding of it. In and out ….

Well I’m in at the moment and happy to be here. Each day is defined by things like getting up, having my morning coffee, walking, having a sauna, eating, playing the guitar and writing my reflections and then once more putting my body to sleep. I am conscious of a need to help people where I can and I do enjoy it when that happens. I am also happy to learn, as long as the commitment is not too great and the results are attainable. It’s a bit like I am on an easy walk through the wood and warm of infinity which when you break it down and look at it honestly is really simply “now”.

Enough of that. I was hoping to grasp something that helped me have a realisation but I didn’t come close.

Here’s my list of essentials for today.

  • Book Bali flights for February.
  • Ring Thomas/Andrea, Greg.
  • Do something about my lost driver’s license.
  • Book tickets for The Wilds and go there tonight.
  • Go through my lists and see if there is anything that I have missed.
  • Ring the tech people at Sunlighten and see if it is feasible to put in the Typo sauna.
  • Get Finn and I to the Gym.

Made Paradise Taxi Service

As of June 2022 these are the approximate currency conversions (please note the exchange can be volatile these are just approximate guidelines 100,000 rp = $10 Aust 150,000 rp = $15.00 US, Euros are almost the same as US dollars (a bit more valuable)

1.Airport pick up Day and early evening 

   IDR 350.000

2.Airport Pick up late evening 

   IDR 400.000

3.Airport Drop off

   IDR 300.000

4.Ubud day tour 8 hours 

  IDR 500.000

5.Ubud day tour 10 hours 

   IDR 600.000

One Way Trips 

1.Sanur IDR 250.000

2.Nusa dua IDR 400.000

3.Jimbaran IDR 350.000

4.Uluwatu IDR 400.000

5.Kuta&Legian IDR 350.000

6.Seminyak IDR 300.000

7.Canggu IDR 300.000

8.Amed IDR 550.000

9.Candi Dasa IDR 400.000

10.Sidemen IDR 350.000

11.Ubud central IDR 50.000

12.Monkey forest IDR 70.000

13.Bintang Supermarket IDR 35.000

Return Trips 

1.Sanur IDR 400.000

2.Nusa dua IDR 650.000

3.Jimbaran IDR 600.000

4.Uluwatu IDR 700.000

5.Kuta&Legian IDR 600.000

6.Seminyak IDR 550.000

7.Canggu IDR 500.000

8.Amed IDR 800.000

9.Candi Dasa IDR 700.000

10.Sidemen IDR 600.000

Wednesday June 15, 2022

What is it with people and help? It seems that the expectation is either that it’s too much too ask or that they never wanted help in the first place plus there seems to be an expectation that the communication has to originate with me. The worst part is the lack of acknowledgement to communications. I’m going to really need to explore my intolerance of this because I actually get angry and start to rail against the people who I really want to help.

Even though my diet is still essentially ketogenic I have fallen off the wagon (just a little bit) a couple of times in the past few days plus I’ve possibly been eating too much, not enough protein and a few too many “keto treats”. Let’s see if I can get back onto the straight and narrow. I’ve even been putting off doing blood tests, just in case the readings aren’t all that good. I should make a point of recording my GKI at least every 2 days.

I have become fascinated with The Allman Bros Band in recent times. Duane Allman died more than 50 years ago at the age of 24 but there is such a lineage of great guitarists and music associated with the band. Dicky Betts, Derek Trucks, Jack Pearson, Warren Haynes. I listened to a YouTube clip this morning about Duane’s career, it was so short! And it also caused me to become reflected on what I gave up when I decided not to spend my life pursuing a career in music.

Bali looks like it’s going to be a success for us. We have had 2 requests in the past 2 days and just need to get better preparation done in the form of blogs that we can send to people to answer their questions. I’ll plan this with Georgie today.

We need blogs on :

  • Transport
  • Restaurants
  • Local attractions
  • Sim Cards, WhatsApp
  • Local customs and offerings
  • Purnami’s breakfasts and potential meals
  • Local shopping
  • Music
  • Vegan food
  • Interesting retail experiences like Rusters

Tuesday June 14, 2022

Finn and I finally made it to the front door of the gym yesterday but because it was a public holiday said door was closed, locked and inaccessible. But, we made it …. Then turned around and came back home. Try, try again.

We’ve been walking every day and until missing yesterday I have been sauna’ing as well.

Life is relatively uninspiring at the moment, nothing much is happening. It’s cold and wet almost every day and the best thing to do is generally stay inside. On a positive note I have been playing the guitar more and more and playing with more feel than I have in years. I’ve finally found sounds in my Spark amp that give me a boost and help things flow.

I have a feeling that today is the last day that I have to resurrect my drivers license otherwise I’m out of action for the next 3 months. Maybe a quick call and a few white lies will suffice.

We are hitting brick walls with our efforts to get our Pondok Wisata for Villa Tusk. The tricky Balinese tax and land laws are playing havoc with us moving forward unfortunately. Our lawyer has gone kaput on us and efforts to work out what to do to move forward are buried in quick sand. I’m going to leave this up to Georgie for now … too many cooks will spoil this broth for sure.

We may have to head off to Red Hill today to get the new shed ready for Johan to construct the internal walls. Tricky due to the weather.

Villa Tusk

We started tweaking the prices for the villa based on free days between bookings and got a bite last night for today and tomorrow. Fingers crossed that this becomes an actual booking. This looks like it might be a successful action that we should further develop.

Letter to AirBnB Enquirers

Hi there. Thanks for your enquiry about Villa Tusk. We are located in the beautiful village of Penestanan, right next to Ubud (slightly to the west). Penestanan is known as The Young Artist’s Village and to a large extent it is still a functioning Balinese village. We have countless restaurants, walks and cultural attractions close by. The villa is close to the famous vegan restaurants Zest and Alchemy and a short walk to the much loved Tjampuhan Ridge Walk. It is located in a small gang (laneway) off the main Penestanan Rd. Purnami (the villa manager) can help you organise parking if you are driving your own car for a couple of US dollars a day. Purnami’s husband Made (pronounced Marday) has his own transport business and can be hired for your complete stay or for airport transfers and day trips. We can also organize personalised breakfasts and massages at the villa. We will get back to you as soon as is humanly possible to answer any other questions.

Sunday June 12, 2022

Yesterday I walked, I ran, I prepared treats for Kaye, I picked some flowers from my neighbours gardens and put them in vases, I had a sauna and jumped in a freezing cold pool and I socialised. Then there are lots of other things that I didn’t do but that’s life.

This morning I feel a bit lost and disillusioned, we have agreed to take Kaye out for lunch … originally to Castlemaine but Chris Mason is becoming a list cause and has pulled the plug on a second weekend so that’s off the books for today. We will now have to find a new destination which might or might not turn out to be a challenge.

It’s 9.30, Georgie is still in bed and doesn’t look like getting up too soon. She even forgot where she put my computer last night, so I’m using my iPad to write on this morning which I sort of hate but can tolerate.

I just spotted something that might make the way I feel a bit better. I had 2  new goals that I got really excited about last week – Bali Villas and personal health coaching. Then I had 2 conflicts which sort of thwarted my purpose. Money and parent obligations. A huge argument with Georgie that I’ve put under wraps but it does need to be unwrapped and looked at rationally as there are some serious underlying flaws in our financial relationship that need to be resolved. The only thing that will handle this is increasing our income because the fundamental weakness is that we simply don’t have enough. The personal coaching is something that I would love to do but as of this writing I find myself looking for ways to back out of this. Just like anything else in my life I appear to get shaky when there is formality and commitment involved. I suppose that I’m feeling a bit individuated.

It’s almost 3 pm now and we ended up going for a walk with John and Flora for about one hour. Better than nothing I suppose, I left my ring on the charger so it’s not going to register.

I have set myself a task with Kaye to help her be on a healthy ketogenic diet and now I have almost got Georgie’s agreement to work with her on her gut issues. I hope I haven’t bit of more than I can chew.

Saturday June 11, 2022

If yesterday had a lesson is was that relationships are complex and that you really do have to be ready for anything. On a positive note I also became even more aware that you don’t have to hold onto any animosity and that “being able to experience anything” is supremely contingent on your own self control and not getting pulled into the turmoil that sometimes raises its somewhat ugly head.

I survived and so did all of the other players. No hard feelings.

 I had an interesting discussion with “A” yesterday and need to write her a response.

After our discussion yesterday I sort of need to work things out with you before I take any further steps. Let me start by saying that I am over the moon that we both conducted ourselves really well when we discussed the matter and that I believe that the outcome was really good. Yet I’m sure you will agree that some more clarity is needed before I make any decisions.

It looks like we both have pretty strong personalities. This I see as a positive. It also looks like we both sometimes underestimate our own abilities yet I believe that we are both being more supportive and more adult within our relationship than we ever have before and as a result we are more able to get over hurdles as they thrust themselves in our path.

I’m sure you will agree that I am obstinate, another way of calling myself stubborn. I do listen to others but at the same time it appears that once I choose a direction I tend to forge forward until I can prove to myself that I have taken the wrong path, something that I have invariably done. But while I am on the path I genuinely believe that it is the right one for me.

Having said that the most important thing for me in regard to our relationship is to be as supportive of you as I possibly can. We have come a long way over the past 3 years, especially since I have abstained from alcohol and got a much more disciplined grip on myself. The fact that you trust me enough to share what we share is one of the best gifts that life could have possibly given me and I treasure what we have.

Somewhere in that past 3 years I also believe that there has been a shift in the dynamics of our kinship/friendship. In the past I saw myself as more of a listener and to a degree I saw it as unwise to give you advice. This seems to have gently evolved and now I feel more comfortable sharing my viewpoints (generally and also about you and your circumstances and visa versa) with you. Most of the time we seem to be in agreement and on the same page. It is also inevitable that there will be times when we don’t agree and there is absolutely no doubt that this is healthy.

I’m sure you know that I have a huge amount of respect for your accomplishments, your knowledge, skills and viewpoints. In some ways we have a weird dynamic going on, both as father/daughter and close friends. These obviously meld into each other but I’m OK with this.

So for now I don’t want to put you in a situation where my actions challenge you and what you have achieved. 

I was happy working out ways that I could help people without immersing myself over my head. Then after talking with Peter and Jane the other day I took a step back and put 2 and 2 together and came up with a tentative idea to make some sort of “career” out of my desire to help others based on my own experiences and what I have applied to myself and learned over the past few years. My initial concept was to take on 5-6 people at a time and help them with their cancer, metabolic syndrome, Type 2 Diabetes and similar ailments based mainly on what I have experienced by applying the ketogenic diet (and other protocols) to myself, losing weight, normalising my blood pressure, liver, brain fog and general feeling of well being. My approach isn’t based on years of study and knowledge but on the anecdotal results of what I have achieved by myself. I also thought that I might be able to make a few hundred dollars a week from this to help with my finances.

You know me Lis. The way my mind works is to plant a seed and then it starts growing really quickly and sometimes prematurely. Sometimes the idea is all I ever have and to a degree that is enough. I get a bit carried away in my head.

The other thing about myself which you are probably aware of is that I tend to make it up as I go. The idea of formal education is quite scary to me, always has been. I look back on my life and can see so many times when I backed out of pursuing “formal education” in favour of “just running with the ball” and hoping I could kick a goal.

I just wanted to put some more clarity there between us. I do have to come up with some method of making a bit of money along the way. Who knows how I will do this! I sure as hell don’t know at the moment but I am always optimistic that something will come along.

Let’s talk about this soon. I don’t want anything to stymie what we have both worked so hard to build. I also don’t want to create a circumstance that will create conflict between us. I am at a crossroads in my life and there’s going to be quite a bit of head scratching in the immediate future for me.

I hope this makes sense.

Friday June 10, 2022

I actually started doing some research on the personal health coaching courses that are available yesterday. I got quite excited and pretty much decided that I was going to do it. The offerings in Australia aren’t great so on “A”s advice I will start looking at what is available in the U.S. The last thing I want to do is to be confronted with learning a whole lot of useless information that will get me a certificate but be useless beyond that.

Funny thing is that the first thought that I had when I woke this morning was that I might be kidding myself and the self doubt stepped in. This is bullshit of course as I know that I can help individuals with cancer, type 2 diabetes and other chronic illnesses actually improve their health and turn things around for themselves.

This is going to be a case of persistence. I started listening to an audio book very late last night called “How to Start an Online Business” which might have some good information on the current situation and tactics of reaching people all around the world.

For now I will have to a) be happy helping a few people and just getting some experience b) continue to improve my own knowledge c) learn about online marketing d) start doing some sort of course that gives me credentials to work with people. Challenges, challenges which can be overcome with persistence and identifying the barriers that come up along the way and working out how to dismantle them.

Thursday June 9, 2022

Well Chris my dentist didn’t seem too happy to see me yesterday but that was expected. We were a lot less social with each other as neither he or me had figured on me being there again this week. The thing is that he put on a heavier wire, reattached my braces and the end result is me feeling like I have a boxing cage in my mouth with a looming pain that I just want to go away before it gets worse. It’s done, he has put heavier wire on my teeth which will wrench my teeth into their new more functional position.

Apart from the fact that it was cold again yesterday we got everything done, met all he people we were meant to meet and got home when it was dark. I suppose you could call it a successful day.

What I got out of it is that the difference between success and just having good ideas is coincidence in oneself. Some people can just wing it and in so doing turn a very simple idea into a successful business or project.

When I woke up this morning I wondered what it is about myself that holds me back at times. To all outward appearances I must look pretty cock sure of myself, I must seem confident, relatively sociable and even somewhat successful. When I look at myself objectively I have to admit that I am good enough at enough things to get by in life. I can communicate pretty easily, I have the ability to learn new things, I can be creative, I can play enough music, cook good enough food, write OK and even put together plans for businesses and ideas. But, yes it’s that word again, I seem to have a gremlin on my shoulder who undermines my confidence in myself. Could it be some old habit pattern that I constructed way back in the 50s and 60s when I was always younger than my peers, could it be that back then I didn’t have the confidence to persist in the things that I loved, could it have been my humble beginnings or even my lack of formal education. Most of the achievements in my life have come from my innate abilities. Could it have been the compromising that I allowed when I was involved as a staff member during my Scientology years. Could I have worried too much about what others thought about me or simply been too timid, not really the right word, to stand up for what I knew to be right. Fuck, I don’t know.

The thing is that there is something about myself that holds me back and it does manifest in strange ways. I’m like a person who looks in a mirror and thinks that he looks OK but then denies it and convinces himself that it is not the case.

I just started chatting to Georgie and a small light came on. I bee-lined in to my teenage years, back when I started playing in bands. Surely this was my goal back in the 1960s. I almost remember the moment that I decided to be a “rock star” when I was about 10 years old. The thing is that I was always younger than the other band members, I was always younger than all of my peers. I have a feeling that this is where I need to look.

But I’ll leave that for another day.

I had a talk with Georgie this morning about what we could do together. That’s the secret really. We are a bloody good team and both have abilities that almost make a complete package when they are united. It looks like there are 3 areas that we can concentrate on. Bali Villas, Health Coaching and some aspect of Tusk Gallery A) clearing existing stock and B) finding one area to concentrate on e.g Japanese prints.

Acknowledgement to Peter Broadbent

Hi Peter

I just want to let you know what an inspiration it was for you guys to chat with us yesterday. I won’t go into the nitty gritty but I will say that talking to both of you was a bit like getting some very good quality kindling lit to start a fire that will potentially burn brightly for a long time. So thank you. It was also great to catch up after all of this time. Like all good friendships it seemed like no time had gone by. Can you let Jane know as well because her enthusiasm was infectious. Georgie felt the same way.  Gary

Wednesday June 8, 2022

It looks like I am about to lose my driver’s license for 3 months. It isn’t that I really should have but I have been chosen to be the one who falls on his sword for the greatest good of the overall family. I’m OK with this. It will sort of pan out OK and without too much trouble.

OK, so back to today. First thing is the help thing that I wrote about yesterday. I have this weird idea that people are a) going to take my advice b) be grateful and c) let me know something about what they did and/or what results they achieved. This ain’t going to happen. I’ve got to stop kidding myself. I’m like a naive school teacher who expects his students to bring him flowers. How many of those must there have been in history? I’ve simply got to accept that I can strike a natch to some kindling and get it going, putting the logs on and keeping the fire going is going to be up to the other parties. What I can do is to keep writing my blog and from time to time update references and general information. This doesn’t mean that I should curtail my own thirst for knowledge. I love stretching myself and with a bit of objectivity I can see that my understanding is improving. Like yesterday for example, I re-listened to a lecture on gut permeability and LPS by Rhonda Patrick and although there was a lot that I did not understand I was able to explain the basic principles to Georgie. The great thing is that I can view the body, metabolism, gut health, cardiology, insulin use in the body, inflammation etc, etc and vice it like a big jigsaw puzzle which I am slowly putting together. Each time another piece falls in place I have a moment of self gratification and satisfaction not to leave out an increased practical knowledge of how bodies work. That is enough for me in relation to myself but then there is the ability to inspire others to want to learn as well.

Today is another big day. I’m starting a bit late as I stayed in bed until 8.30 a.m. I’m doing my writing and having my coffee now. Then a sauna and jump in the pool. A quick trip to the new butcher Flora told me about on the way to my dental appointment at 1.40 p.m, then a meetup with Jude and finally a meeting with an old friend , Peter Broadbent who is pretty good with Real Estate, sales and ideas.

BTW, my duck broth worked out pretty well. Next step is to buy a ham hock and turn it into soup. I 100% have got to stop eating solid food until my braces are stable so I really do need to get innovative with ketogenic soups. I’ve also promised Kaye that I will help her out with some food and treats.

The Future

I’m wondering whether I am becoming a bit like a Christian who fills himself with a false hope for the future. 

Sure, I am well aware that when I discard this body or conversely when it discards me that I not only lose this identity but also anything that goes with it. I also know that I am going to suffer pretty much a 100% dose of amnesia even If I survive death. 

Does that mean my consciousness doesn’t continue to exist? 

Does that mean that without my memories as an anchor that I am not in actual fact myself? I am not my memories or my body, although I’m not going to kid myself …. I sure as hell do identify with this lump of flesh and its memories.

But on the other side of the coin there is nothing wrong with filling myself with optimism even if it might be false hope. Anything that helps me remain content and happy in present time just has to be a good thing. 

This isn’t like I am not confronting my mortality, it is more like acceptance. The bottom line is that I would much prefer to spend the next 30 years or so in a state of pleasantness than in a state of anxiety. There simply ain’t much more I can do, apart from continuing to expand my knowledge and doing everything in my power to create being fit and healthy in body and mind . 

So I should be happy with that and wait for the next epiphany that comes my way.

Tuesday June 7, 2022

I purchased 3 duck carcasses yesterday to make a batch of stock for us and Kaye. It will be interesting to see what comes of that.

My life just seems to jump from one project to another. I sort of like this but wish that I could be a tiny bit more consistent. It’s either music, writing, cooking, helping somebody. Sometimes my whole direction is swayed by a dream that I have on a cold winter night and others by the temperature outside or even in the house. I’m pretty fickle and change direction like a lost rally driver.

We watched a movie called Roadrunner a couple of nights ago about the life and death of Anthony Bourdain. I had a strange fascination for him when he was alive and an even greater empathy for him now that he has ended his own life. A life that looked appealing and satisfying. Strange.

So back to my elasticity. I’m off and running on a help flow once again but I need to modify how I go about this. It’s fine to inspire people but when I’m teetering on the verge of financial ruin I don’t suppose that it’s going to help our bottom line.

Let’s see if I can get smart

HELP

Some of us love helping while some of us find it difficult to accept help, maybe because we don’t feel worthy of having somebody else giving up their own valuable time. 

Some of us fall into both of these categories. 

Isn’t it obvious? It’s just a matter of opening up your eyes to look at the simple fact that people who do help usually do it because they enjoy some aspect of seeing another person do a little bit better. It gives them a kick. Now that’s not always the case but let’s keep it simple for now and travel down one road at a time.

There’s the old saying “ Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day ……”. How true that is. How simple it is to get behind somebody and give them a push without them contributing to the motion. But alas, this is a recipe for disaster and a road that leads nowhere.

Help is a condition of existence, just one of many. 

Whether you are giving help or accepting it, my reality is that is is part of a transition. A wayside stop on a journey to a willingness to accept that improvement comes from a willingness to see that things can only get better due to increased knowledge, responsibility and control. 

But what comes first? 

Is it the quality of the kindling that starts the fire or the logs that keep it burning that matters? I’ve never looked at it in those terms before and it makes sense. I actually had a small moment of enlightenment when those words flowed out. Maybe I should look at myself as the kindling, just enough to inspire somebody to keep the fire burning. Yes, that sounds good. It also means that I can start many fires that can then keep burning. 

Sure, some will go out but others will turn into raging fires that create so much energy that I might even get some back for myself.

Monday June 6, 2022

I feel like yesterday was quite productive. I got most of the blogpost finished re Keto Diet and Cancer, we took Kaye up to Healesville for lunch at the RACV club and Finn came as well, I did quite a bit of communicating and all of this happened on a drizzly, grey winters day.

The things that I didn’t do were guitar practise, although I did watch several guitar theory Youtube clips, a walk, a sauna, salt intake. The biggest negative was that my braces started playing ups again.

E-Mail to my Dentist

Hi Chris

I sent you a message late last week about one of the clamps coming odd on my braces. On Sunday the wire on the left lower side came loose and is flopping around, poking into my tongue and generally messing up my eating.  If I could cut it off myself I would but I don’t think that it is possible. This needs to be attended to as it will continue to be an issue. I’m sure you don’t want me coming back every week and I can assure you that the 2 hour drive is not something I look forward to. The way things are going I am getting more and more concerned about the quality of the braces. Having new issues every couple of days is driving me crazy. What are your suggestions?

I’ve sent the email and now will wait for a response.

This might be a busy week. I’d like to visit a few old friends, do lots of walking and saunaing, book in my CTC test, join the gym with Finn, have a massage, go to Red Hill on Tuesday, get my teeth fixed, buy some replacement earbuds, m do some more planning for the Bali idea, get some marketing done on Villa Tusk and the existing stock that is in storage at Red Hill.

Sunday June 5, 2022

The Ketogenic Diet and Cancer

It seems that there is a common misunderstanding in regard to the ketogenic diet and the intake of healthy fat. Unfortunately the word fat has such morbid connotations in the vernacular of food in this day and age.

From what I can see most people mistake “keto” for a low carb diet as opposed to a diet that is designed to put the body into a state of nutritional ketosis.

I have to admit that even now I find it almost overwhelmingly uncomfortable when I look at the “macros” and see that almost 80% of the food eaten needs to fit into the “fat” category. How do you explain this to people. In light of the past 50 years off western dietary propaganda it seems gross.

Even when I was a young boy my mother kept a lard jar, we ate butter and fatty roast lamb was served up as Sunday lunch with a few simple vegetables. The interesting thing is that back then obesity was not a common phenomena.

I am going to put forth a simple hypothesis, a supposition or proposed explanation made on the basis of limited evidence as a starting point for further investigation. My hypothesis is based on my own limited experience, but it is also based on actual results and outcomes that can be tested and measured.

There are innumerable books that are pro-keto and an equal amount of articles by naysayers who theorise that keto is a fad diet that is only popular because a few celebrities are waxing positive about it’s weight loss potential. My question is “How does one work out whether  a well constructed, healthy ketogenic diet can bring about a greater level of health and well being if a) a healthy ketogenic diet cannot be properly and correctly defined and b) this data has not been intelligently applied to a real live person and the results observed and measured?”

I didn’t study biology at school, up until the past few years I have never studied much about how our bodies work on a metabolic and cellular level and anything that I have learned is from researchers who I have found on the internet and chosen based on what I consider to be their intelligence,  pragmatism and what I perceive to be their ability to think logically. I have used my own body as the “guinea pig” in my personal experiment to apply the data I have gleaned from my extensive study and personal observation. My study and application and the results and observations of my efforts are 100% anecdotal and should not be construed as medical advice or scientific research.

So here is my hypothesis.

When you look at the human body in the 21st century there are signs that our modern diet and lifestyle have led us as a species toward obesity and compromised health. As a species and especially in the more affluent western civilizations we eat based on our socio-economic status and desires as opposed to eating for health, nutrition, fuel and longevity. When looked at through the evolutionary lens the human body is not all that far removed from our ancestors who were essentially hunters and gatherers not much more than 6,000 years ago. This appears to be roughly when we started settling down in cities and growing crops and changing the way we lived our lives and pursuing our lifestyle. Fast forward to the 21st century and a vast majority of people live in cities do limited physical movement and have access to all sorts of food, 24/7 … based on their financial position and desires. Most of this food is processed and contains huge amounts of carbohydrates, sugar/high fructose syrup and toxic seed oils. The simple truth is quite possibly that this food looks good, tastes great and makes you want to eat more but in real terms it does not contain a great deal of healthy fuel to supply the body with the nutrients that it needs to supply it with energy, to continue to be healthy and have a functioning immune system that will protect us from our own auto immune problems and external pathogens.

My observation is that the food we eat is meant to be the fuel that provides us (our bodies) with energy, nutrition, fibre and the wherewithal for our cells to do their job and to keep us moving, using our cognitive powers, looking good and reproducing. All you need to do is to compare a photograph taken at a busy beach in the 1940s to one taken these days to view how our bodies have changed.

I believe that sometime in the 20th century we were hoodwinked into believing that saturated fat was responsible for most of our physiological problems and ill health and that we were offered an alternative of low fat, highly processed foods that were full of sugar or fructose plus polyunsaturated vegetable oils that were supposed to make us healthy but which in actual fact have led to a huge deterioration of health and consequently opened the door for big Pharma to supply us with pills and medicines that are supposed to combat the issues that are being proliferated by toxic processed food and a sedentary lifestyle.

Based on this hypothesis I made a decision in early 2019 to change my diet, lifestyle and general outlook to life. I was 67 years old at the time, overweight, unhealthy and pretty much on the road to an early death. I’m not going to go into what I did in detail but now 3 years later I am 30 kgs lighter, my blood pressure is 100% normal, my heart is in great shape and sits around the low 60s, my liver is in tip top shape and functioning as it should, I have 3 times the energy I had back when I began, I don’t get sick … for example I have not had corona virus. I sleep well, my cognitive powers have vastly improved as has my self discipline and overall responsibility for my own well being and health, I have a flat stomach,18% body fat and a BMI of about 23 and I am happier, more optimistic and enthusiastic about life.

To put it simply I started studying the bodies functions, metabolism and looked at how the food I ate influenced the way my body functioned including hugely significant subjects like insulin resistance. Slowly and almost clumsily I changed my diet to a healthy high saturated fat, medium protein and low carb diet and the results have been spectacular. I’m never going to say that it was easy, I will admit to having to give up most yummy food and treats, pretty much anything that is baked but I learned how to transform my appreciation of taste to the point where even cauliflower tasted great.

Cancer and Ketosis

So where does cancer fit into my personal experience with the ketogenic diet? 

Firstly I need to tell you a couple of things about myself. I smoked cigarettes for over 40 years, I loved carbohydrates and after my son passed away in 2012 I became an alcoholic. I’m not kidding when I say this, I was drinking a large bottle of vodka every night. Sure, sometimes I would give up for a while but I was truly addicted and always ended up convincing myself that “I was a Russian” and hitting the hard stuff again. My drinking problem developed over several decades but hit its peek in the 2000s. I finally gave up, cold turkey on February 14th, 2019, the night before we embarked upon a 4 week trip to India. I didn’t tell anybody, I just stopped. I am not advocating cold turkey when it comes to addictions. You really should talk to your medical provider and get some guidance. But it worked for me. I haven’t touched alcohol since but I still identify as an alcoholic. I used a lot of spray adhesive and spray paint back in the 80s when I had a business making block mounted prints. I didn’t wear a bloody mask which is hard to believe now but I suppose that when you are younger you feel indestructible. I also suffered from hypoglycaemia in decades gone by. On a positive note, I did try to eat healthy food. I was a vegetarian for about 4 decades but the truth be known my dietary choices were based on gut feelings not scientific research and some of my “healthy habits” surely had a negative impact.

Who knows why some people get cancer and others don’t? Yet, there is more and more research and speculation all of the time. This is a good thing from my perspective. There are huge questions to be tackled and I’m open to any speculation.

I was diagnosed with Squamous Cell Carcinoma on November 24th, 2020. When did cancer start developing in my body? Why? Nobody could tell me. In actual fact the oncologists couldn’t even locate the primary source of my cancer, even after a couple of diagnostic operations it was still a mystery. Still is.

For all I know it may have been caused by the alcohol or maybe the cigarettes. The point is that I did something somewhere in my life to compromise my body enough for my mitochondria to be damaged and for my cells to become cancerous and life threatening.

In my case the cancer had formed a tumour in my lymph nodes in the left side of my neck which falls into the category of head and neck cancer.

What a uniquely freaky experience being told that you have cancer is. The emotions, the strange thoughts, the fear, the “why me”, the unknown. At this point you have two choices. One is to put yourself in the hands of the mainstream oncologists who deal with cancer every day of their lives and the other is to make a decision to find out for yourself. To study what you can about cancer, it’s potential causes, current research, alternative viewpoints. It is like being stuck in a vortex, spinning around, not in control and wondering how long you have to live. As I spun around the vortex I grabbed onto whatever I could and looking back now I admit that I initially put a lot of control into the hands of the mainstream guys who seemed to know what they were talking about. I had a couple of pretty full-on diagnostic operations that didn’t come up with any answers and then after the first month had elapsed somebody suggested that I look at hyperbaric oxygen therapy, this led me to an integrative doctor who specialised in cancer and treating it with IVs and other alternative protocols. Thank god, this was enough for me to escape the vortex and to finally put some space between myself and my condition. This is when I realized that knowledge is power and thus my journey began. To cut a long story short by the middle of 2021 I was given the all clear and now a year later I’m still free of cancer. I never experienced any illness or negative symptoms and once I started on my road to personal empowerment and responsibility I never once doubted that I wasn’t going to cure myself with the help and support of the team I had assembled to help me beat the cancer.

The Ketogenic Diet

By now I was already pretty well versed in the ketogenic lifestyle. Looking back now over the past 18 months I firmly believe that my strict adherence to a very strict healthy ketogenic diet and the goal of creating a “high” ketone level in my body was the bedrock of my strategy against cancer. There is no doubt that there were many parts of this strategy including Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy, Vit C and Curcumin IVs and other alternative medical therapies, exercise, journalling, infra red sauna and cold plunge, intermittent fasting, radiation, recording metrics and more.

The sword that I could wield everyday that became my main weapon was my diet.

The basis of being in nutritional ketosis is that the body does not need sugar/glucose to function when it has been adapted to burning fat. Cancer thrives on sugar, a bit like a “scoby” needs sugar to produce kombucha through the process of fermentation. I’m not going to even try to explain this now but I will add some references that you should take a good look at. The most important thing to know is that you can starve the cancer of sugar which will help to inhibit its proliferation.

From my own experience of talking to people the biggest misunderstanding and challenge is the amount of healthy fat that is needed and that a ketogenic diet for cancer is very low in carbohydrate, about 20 grams. You’d be surprised how low this is. Dieticians categorize food into macros …. fat, protein and cards. The body needs fat for energy, protein to repair tissue and build muscle but once you are in nutritional ketosis you don’t need carbohydrates. I urge you to do some serious study into insulin resistance and insulin in general. There is so much data available and it will enlighten you on the pitfalls of the standard Australian diet (SAD).

The breakdown is something like 80% fat, 15% protein and 5% carbohydrates. According to the research of American cancer researcher Dr Thomas Seyfried the goal that you are going for is to achieve a specific balance between blood glucose and blood ketones. This is measured by a metric called the Glucose ketone Index (GKI). This metric is worked out by dividing the ketones into the blood sugar/glucose. Example : BS 4.5 Ketones 3 – 4.5/3=1.5. According to Seyfried the optimum metric to be aiming for is 1. That means you would need to shoot for a blood sugar reading of 4 and a glucose reading of 4. I won’t kid you, this isn’t easy but I did achieve it quite often so you can as well. My advice is to use an app called Chronometer and religiously record everything you put in tour mouth. This takes time but you will get faster and more efficient as you get the feel of it and the metrics it gives you are invaluable. For example it will tell you how many grams of fat you have eaten as well as carbs etc after each day. It’s all about keeping a track of the figures and tweaking your diet and lifestyle as needed. 

The other suggestion I would make to help you stay in a state of nutritional ketosis is to practise what is called intermittent fasting or time restricted eating. The general idea is that you stop eating at say, 7 p.m and do not put anything in your mouth for the next 18 hours which means you eat lunch at 1 p.m, ideally a healthy fatty meal which could be an avocado, some eggs and a salad with organic cold pressed olive oil. Another amazing tool is MCT oil, a medium chain triglyceride derived from coconut oil. A couple of table spoons of this will go a long way to a) increase your ketones and b) get your fat intake up.

There is no way that I can go over everything in this post but the main thing that I want to say is that by keeping my blood sugar stable and relatively low and keeping my ketones between 2.5 and 4 (ideally 4) I was able to help slow down the proliferation of the cancer cells and also help my cells and overall body respond better to the oxygen, IVs and other therapies and to help protect my body and cells against the negative effects of the radiation therapy that I received. In actual fact the nurses were scratching their heads in regard to the fact that I really did have minimal effects from the radiation therapy.

I’ll try to expand on this post over the next few weeks and insert references and podcasts from people who I listened too and trust in regard to nutritional ketosis and cancer.

One person who I highly recommend is Dr Steven Phinney. He is the guy who coined the term nutritional ketosis to differentiate it from diabetic ketosis which is toxic and dangerous. I will reference 3 talks that he has done on the subject of nutritional ketosis so you get an idea of what a ketogenic diet is all about.

I hope this helps for now. There is a lot more that I can write about but this is meant to just be a guideline and to help understand a few basic premises.

I got my computer back yesterday with a new logic board. I’m still not certain what I have lost but it’s good to have my own computer back especially after thinking it might be gone for another 4 weeks.

Finn and I went to the gym late yesterday. This has got the ball rolling. The gym looks like it might work out for us. There are countless machines and it’s huge, open 24/7, not too far away and quite cheap if we take out yearly memberships.

There are so many small and large projects that I want to work on. One of the most important one’s is an idea I have to set up villas for people who want to invest in Bali. It’s abstract but if I start putting it down as a plan maybe the lights will come on for me.

4 P.M

We’ve just been for a 60 minute brisk walk close to home. After 2 weeks back from Bali where we walked almost every day it seems to be a matter of slowly building up my endurance again. Minor toe operations, cracked heels and a challenged set of teeth have not helped. This seems to be on the way to being back under control. Later on I plan to hop in the sauna and then jump in the pool but first I’ll clean up my music room and do a bit of practise. I did spend time watching guitar lessons from Paul Gilbert in Youtube while I was in the bath this morning. I also spoke to “A” for about one hour.

7.30 P.M

I’ve just jumped into and out of the pool after a long sauna. Bloody freezing but as usual I feel great. I talked to a guy named Greg earlier about keto. The poor guy has advanced cancer and is now seeing Dr Eng. He is going to need a lot of help with Keto. This has led me to seeing a need to write a layman’s version of how to do basic keto for cancer.

Tusk Villas Bali Project

Where does one start when there is a big idea brewing inside, still a bit murky and grey, unformed but with some sort of overall concept/form glueing it to the sides of your brain. On that note, I’ve just had a glimpse of how incredibly magical “ideas” are. The fact that we can hatch them as part of our own individual consciousness based on our observation, skills and experience is truly special as are most things about life when you look at them.

The Bali idea is based on our own experience over the past 3 years with the process of finding a villa to lease, setting up the legals to do it, renovating it and preparing it for ourselves and also to rent out on AirBnB. Georgie and I have learned so much over this period. There are the initial pitfalls of finding the right property or land. That in itself is a huge wall to get over. It would be so easy to put on the rose coloured glasses and make a huge mistake, we almost made several!

The beauty of this idea is that not only would our clients get their own villa in Bali but we could also offer them a chance to rent it out when they aren’t using it.

Where do I start?

The most logical thing to do is to find somebody who wants to do this and to get the ball rolling and learn along the way. How do we charge, what to do with different budgets … sure as hell we need a financial “recipe” which includes each and every cost that might come up. The chances of going over budget are immense, especially with the way I go about doing things.

What we can gain ourselves is an income. In actual fact there are 2 income streams. 

A) The potential income from finding and setting up a villa and B) the possibility of managing the property on AirBnB.

No doubt there would be mistakes that we would make but the most important thing is that we do not need to invest any of our own money into any of the projects/builds.

The first thing we need to do is to find an interested client and work with them on a project. Ideally the first one would be in Penestanan and be relatively low key.

Saturday June 4, 2022

I got my computer back yesterday with a new logic board. I’m still not certain what I have lost but it’s good to have my own computer back especially after thinking it might be gone for another 4 weeks.

Finn and I went to the gym late yesterday. This has got the ball rolling. The gym looks like it might work out for us. There are countless machines and it’s huge, open 24/7, not too far away and quite cheap if we take out yearly memberships.

There are so many small and large projects that I want to work on. One of the most important one’s is an idea I have to set up villas for people who want to invest in Bali. It’s abstract but if I start putting it down as a plan maybe the lights will come on for me.

4 P.M

We’ve just been for a 60 minute brisk walk close to home. After 2 weeks back from Bali where we walked almost every day it seems to be a matter of slowly building up my endurance again. Minor toe operations, cracked heels and a challenged set of teeth have not helped. This seems to be on the way to being back under control. Later on I plan to hop in the sauna and then jump in the pool but first I’ll clean up my music room and do a bit of practise. I did spend time watching guitar lessons from Paul Gilbert in Youtube while I was in the bath this morning. I also spoke to “A” for about one hour.

7.30 P.M

I’ve just jumped into and out of the pool after a long sauna. Bloody freezing but as usual I feel great. I talked to a guy named Greg earlier about keto. The poor guy has advanced cancer and is now seeing Dr Eng. He is going to need a lot of help with Keto. This has led me to seeing a need to write a layman’s version of how to do basic keto for cancer.

Tusk Villas Bali Project

Where does one start when there is a big idea brewing inside, still a bit murky and grey, unformed but with some sort of overall concept/form glueing it to the sides of your brain. On that note, I’ve just had a glimpse of how incredibly magical “ideas” are. The fact that we can hatch them as part of our own individual consciousness based on our observation, skills and experience is truly special as are most things about life when you look at them.

The Bali idea is based on our own experience over the past 3 years with the process of finding a villa to lease, setting up the legals to do it, renovating it and preparing it for ourselves and also to rent out on AirBnB. Georgie and I have learned so much over this period. There are the initial pitfalls of finding the right property or land. That in itself is a huge wall to get over. It would be so easy to put on the rose coloured glasses and make a huge mistake, we almost made several!

The beauty of this idea is that not only would our clients get their own villa in Bali but we could also offer them a chance to rent it out when they aren’t using it.

Where do I start?

The most logical thing to do is to find somebody who wants to do this and to get the ball rolling and learn along the way. How do we charge, what to do with different budgets … sure as hell we need a financial “recipe” which includes each and every cost that might come up. The chances of going over budget are immense, especially with the way I go about doing things.

What we can gain ourselves is an income. In actual fact there are 2 income streams. 

A) The potential income from finding and setting up a villa and B) the possibility of managing the property on AirBnB.

No doubt there would be mistakes that we would make but the most important thing is that we do not need to invest any of our own money into any of the projects/builds.

The first thing we need to do is to find an interested client and work with them on a project. Ideally the first one would be in Penestanan and be relatively low key.

Friday June 3, 2022

Another cold Melbourne morning. It’s hard to believe that I went into the pool last night after my sauna but I did and. Surprisingly it was fantastic, albeit bloody cold.

Mt computer is ready so Georgie and I will trek to Doncaster this morning to pick it up. On the way I’m planning on having a blood test and then we’ll go to Lexus to get new batteries for the car key. Apart from that there are other minor plans including getting our new mattress delivered, visiting the gym with Finn, a walk and buying a few staples for our cupboard.

The time is well nigh to get some good and tasty keto recipes under my belt. I’ve got to work out how I can make some tasty meals for Finn if I plan to get home actively losing weight. 

Thursday June 2, 2022

It’s cold again this morning but at least the sun is shining. I’m feeling a bit like a bear who has been prematurely woken from hibernation this morning. My toe is a bit sore and I have a nasty crack on the heel of my left foot.

For some strange reason I am getting paranoid about cancer in recent times. I’ve started feeling for lumps in my neck. Something is happening in the opposite side to last time but I am 99 % certain that this is due to inflammation from my mouth issues with the braces. 

I’ve been so hungry most of the time but eating is a real drag while my braces are still settling and with an abscess on my tongue although things have improved since visiting my dentist on Tuesday night. I can’t stand the feeling of the food getting stuck in the braces, yuk … it feels dirty but of course this is psychological.

We’ve had out first official post upgrade guests arrive at Villa Tusk. Now we have to really get down to some serious marketing and sales. I missed a very important message from AirBnB in mid May and could kick myself. I’m doing my best to turn this around and get the ball rolling on what may have happened.

I’ve got my list prepared for today. It’s time to grab the bull by the horns and stop dramatising about the cold weather.

9 P.M

I’ve just had 4 hours of massage, sauna and cold plunge. I just bounded into the pool, OMG it was the coldest that it’s ever been. Holy shit, I didn’t know if I was going to make it down to the other end in order to scuttle out but I did and I survived. It must have been 6 degrees tonight. The positive side of this is that I feel fantastic. Bracing is a perfect word to describe the effect.

We ordered a new bed today which comes tomorrow afternoon. Hallelujah. It’s been almost 22 years since we have had a new mattress in our Melbourne home.

It’s Friday again tomorrow. I didn’t do any actual guitar playing today …. again. But tomorrow that will change. Web did goe for a walk that was a bit over an hour.

Setting Up Villas For Australian Investors

The more that I think about this the more attractive it becomes. We need a voice and we need somebody to speak to. Maybe I could organize to go to have a meeting with Peter Broadbent, he’s well versed in real estate and could possibly have comm lines. That’s one thing that I could get onto tomorrow.

Wednesday June 1, 2022

It’s cold, it’s wet and it’s Wednesday. It is also June and we have our first visitor arriving at the newly tweeked Villa Tusk.

I’m hoping with fingers crossed and breath held that yesterday’s foray to the dentist in Malvern paid off. It’s feeling hopeful. My tongue still has an absess on it but it seems to have calmed down somewhat. My dentist is an interesting human. I like him as a dentist, I even like him as a man. All indications point to the potential of him being the sort of guy that I could have some great conversations with. His actions bely the way he s. By this I mean that he really seems genuinely concerned about his handy work. But underlying all of this he has a knack of making you personally responsible for his work, good or bad. He has sort of turned everything around that has gone wrong and implied that it is somehow my fault or that I am unusual. Oh well, I don’t mind as long as my teeth stop aggravating me and causing the quality of my life to plummet.

 

Today I’m going to write about the personality that makes most of us scratch our heads. We all know someone who seems successful, intelligent and even friendly but somehow you always leave his/her presence doubting yourself or your abilities. It’s just hard to put your finger on what is going on. The one thing that seems to come across though is that they give you constant affirmation that they are doing their best for you. But for some reason you always leave them feeling like you have soup on your tie. The trick is to realize what’s going on. If you are aware of the idiosyncrasies that go with a personality like this you will pretty much remain unscathed. The underlying factor seems to be that they are  anything in their power to make themselves right and others wrong. The thing is that if you can spot this the power that they wield is alloyed and you won’t become introverted. A bit of a “social” challenge, an occasional bit of sharp banter seems to go a long way like putting a tiny bit of cold water in a cup of black coffee that is far too strong as well as too hot. But the biggest weapon that you can have against this sort of personality is to spot their game and not disappear up your own bum.

I have my fingers crossed that Georgie decides not to go to Red Hill today. It really isn’t the sort of day to be driving for 2 hours along wet roads. I’ve also got things that I would really like to do at home including doing whatever I can to get Finn to come to the gym and sign up, find a mattress for our bed, buy a blood testing machine (because I left mine in Bali) and spend some time practising my guitar. Georgie just appeared in the lounge room and my dreams of not driving to Red Hill have been shattered. It looks like there is no getting out of it. Oh well, goodbye Wednesday. The rain, wind and stormy weather will be my friend, not my enemy. Something good will come out of this.

I’m missing my computer like crazy. I have my fingers crossed that it comes back well before the one month plus that the girl at the Apple store predicted. I’ve been losing data because of my inability to use Georgie’s computer.

I’ve really got to put my thinking cap on re any Bali ideas that I can come up with.

Villa Tusk

We currently have our Villa on AirBnB for about $400 a night. We have a few bookings and more than likely this is a good price for now but this needs to be reviewed as time goes on. It is possible that we can get up to $600 a night or more. We also need to list the villa on other sites as well as improving our website with the up to date photographs that we just had done at the end of May.

Shorter Term Leases

I’ve got no idea how to finance this one but I do have to come up with some smart ideas. The main thing that I am going to be up against is coming up with the money for furniture, art and artifacts, painting, gardening etc. I have no doubts that we have the ability to make places that look amazing, inviting and photograph well. We also have the advantage of having Superhost status. Maybe I could start the ball rolling with Allissa purchasing Mini’s villa and managing the place for her. If she decides to go ahead we could get the project running by August when we return to Bali. The other issue we are going to be up against is that any villa that we put up on AirBnB will more than likely need a Pondok Wisata. I need to find a good accountant in Bali to work with as well. One other thing will be to establish exactly how capable Purnami will be if we get this going. I suspect that with some decent mentoring that she will be fine. I need to draw up a proposal for her to look at and think about.

Villas for Australian Retirees

This might be our best option. I’ve got no idea where to start but the fact is that we have done this and we have the basic fundamentals in place to do something with this idea. We can even go as far as building villas with Georgie’s skills. There is enough freehold land in Bali now to make this possible. This idea needs lots of thought, a certain amount of research and then more importantly than anything we need to work out how 

Tuesday May 31, 2022

We are back at home. We arrived in Melbourne at around 3.30 p.m so I could see my podiatrist who was taking off the old dressing on my toe. She had cut off an ingrown toenail a few days earlier. The toe was fine and healing well.

My teeth are starting to get me down. Having so much attention on pain is taxing on the way I feel about the simplest of things. When your attention introverts to a body part either because of pain or discomfort you start to miss the magic of life. The pain levels from the blister on my tongue over the past week have at times been 10, tear worthy. I’ve tried rinsing with salt water, swishing zinc around in my mouth but it’s just not healing. When drinking water triggers pain you know something isn’t right. I’m hanging in there with my dentist who assures me that everything will be OK and will settle down when the braces are aligned … but when the small  brace pad that he replaced last Tuesday came lose again and started jangling around like a manic dog in my mouth I started wondering what could possibly be going wrong. Can I be such an unusual case that all this bad shit is happening? I’ve never realized what a “tender and fragile” body part the inside of the mouth and the tongue is. The tongue seems to take on a life of it’s own, wriggling around like an eel, touching bits that feel unusual and abnormal.

If I had to make a list of the 5 worst experiences in my life this braces experience would be about number 3. I’m willing to bear the discomfort, I’m happy to modify my eating habits, I’m even happy to talk a bit funny at times but I don’t think I can tolerate the pain or braces falling apart in my mouth.

Just for the record, the other “pressure” comes from those closest to you when they start questioning the wisdom of what you are doing or the efficacy of the dentist. I haven’t been overtly complaining but it is obvious to them that I am in pain and suffering severe discomfort. So far I have resisted this and have assured them that I have confidence in the procedure but I have to admit that I am starting to have my own doubts.

The other thing that I appear to be up against is the fact that so many of my large back teeth are missing and I have have 3 large “bridges” of wire transversing the gaps. The wires get stuck on the inside of my cheeks and leave what seem like permanent indentations and lumps that come and go. Sometimes causing pain but most of the time just simple discomfort. I tried jamming cotton wool and gauze up between my gums and my inner lip for a few days. This helped a bit with the pain  but in some ways the feeling  of the cotton wool was worse.

Note to Kaye

Good morning Kaye. I just want to fill you in on the latest on what’s happening with Finn. As I mentioned a few days ago Allissa is ordering a neurotransmitter test. I have written a whole lot about this and will send it to you but it is quite technical. 

Finn seems willing to get the ball rolling but I’ve got to be careful not to go like a bull at the gate. One thing that I believe will help with his stress levels and body pains and aches will be massage. I have contacted my Chinese masseuse and he is willing to book Finn in for a one hour massage every week for the next 8 weeks and give me a reduced rate of $65, normally $100. You mentioned the other day that you would be happy to help out financially. So ….  Would you be willing to pay for the massages. I hate putting you in this situation but we are starting to get some forward momentum and I know this will help.

Note to Zura 

Hi Zura Gary here. Georgie and I are now back in chilly Melbourne, desperately missing Bali. We loved staying at the villa, going for huge walks just after dawn every morning, enjoying all the local restaurants and generally tweeting the villa. If you have any suggestions or feedback while you are there we will greatly appreciate it and take it on board. Just a few things. I normally drive while in Bali but this time I decided to use Made (Purnami’s husband) to drive us around. This turned out to be one of the best ideas that I could have had. The convenience of having our own driver was so convenient. Whenever we needed Made we would just send him a WhatsApp message and he was there waiting. The only draw back for him to be available at anytime is that he cannot take on any other jobs. pPlease just take the following as a suggestion. I think you are staying for 3 nights. Here’s my suggestion. Hire Made exclusively for 3 full days which will mean that he will be available to pick any of your party up at any time and take them wherever they need to go ( or pick them up) day or night. This way if you go into Ubud for a cultural experience or a restaurant he can take you and later on you just WhatsApp him and he can pick you up. Same goes for trips to the supermarket or any other destinations that you might want to go to. This would cost you $65 US a day but you would have exclusivity. I could also ask him to arrange another car to pick you up from the airport at no extra cost so there would be no hassles about finding the villa etc, same would apply for the return to the airport or your next destination. All money would go to Made and he would cover petrol and any other costs. This would apply if you booked him for 3 days. Sorry for getting back to you so late with this suggestion. It really worked well for us.

Once again, I hope you have a fabulous stay and enjoy the villa. We have tried to create a really eclectic, homey space. Any feedback will be appreciated. Regards Gary

Monday May 30, 2022

It is a cold Monday morning at Red Hill. I came out to the lounge room, looked out the side window and standing in the distance was a very tall kangaroo, very proudly and calmly standing in the cold morning air without any fear. It’s now 8 am and we have lit a fire and have 2 heaters blasting to counteract the cold morning. 

We dropped into the home of a friend of Georgie’s on the way down late yesterday. Her name is Cathy. Years ago they went to PLC together and met once again by chance about 4 years ago when we had the Gallery in Kilsyth. Her house is adorned with paintings from Tusk Gallery mainly Kitti Narod’s leter work. Cathy’s partner is a 67 year old lawyer called Michael. He is a charming man. The first thing he did was to excitedly offer me a scotch and ice which I of course refused and took up his offer for a cup of jasmine tea. Four years ago I would have enthusiastically took him up on his offer but those days are now in the far distant past. To cut a long story short I left with the satisfied feeling of pride and accomplishment after chatting and socialising for a couple of hours. Firstly as a reflection of my health and fitness and secondly with a new sense of optimism for our financial future. We showed them a slide show of our Villa in Bali. They were both impressed but some of the comments that Michael made helped me to create more objectivity in regard to the abilities that we both have to create beautiful spaces which opens up a world of potential.

Bali

What do you do when you get to Bali? I suppose this is hugely influenced by the sort of memories you want to take home. For me it’s all about the natural beauty of Central Bali, the ravines, the rivers, the jungle, the rice fields and possibly most importantly of all, the Balinese people. The Balinese version of the Hindu religion permeates every aspect of Balinese life, the art, the temples, the music, the offerings, the gratitude, the ceremonies, the smiles and the ever present spirits.

Ubud is what the general area is called but in actual fact the area is made up of many individual villages packed in tight next to each other. Villa Tusk is in the village of Penestanan, just south west of Ubud. Close by are the villages of Sayan, Tjampuhan among others.

For me this area has special memories going back 4 decades. When I am here I feel grounded, I feel like I am home.

Ubud is full of restaurants but the most significant for me is Casa Luna in Jalan Raya Ubud which hasn’t changed a great deal since 1996 when I first discovered it. Great food, mid to upmarket traditional setting and mid range prices. Villa Tusk is surrounded by restaurants, most are wishing a short walk. There are several world class vegan restaurants including Zest, Bella by Sage, Alchemy, Moksa and then there are more traditional Balinese and Indonesian offerings. The choice is mind boggling.

Also close by to Villa Tusk is a large co-working space called Outpost, so if you want to get some serious business/work done you can.

One of my favourite activities in Bali is walking. When we are there we get up at the crack of dawn and set off for a 2 hour walk through the rice paddies, up ravines and ridges, down the gangs (laneways). I love getting lost and finding something new but Georgie is an expert with Google Maps and she can get us out of any sticky situation.

Ubud is also famous for it’s art galleries. There is no shortage of art, ranging from the traditional to contemporary. Then there is music and dance. The Ubud area has some of Bali’s most famous gamelan orchestras and dance groups. There are nightly performances of Legong and Barong dances at the Ubud Royal Palace and back down toward Penestanan there is a wonderful Kecak dance on several times each week.

From my experience the best time to visit the more “mainstream” tourist attractions are as early as possible in the morning to avoid the crowds and the queues of people who line up to take selfies to put on their instagrams.

One great find recently was a place called Sayan Point. This place is great value. Fit the equivalent of $15 Australian you can spend the whole day lazing around in their pools overlooking the incredibly beautiful Sayan River valley. You get a simple meal and a drink to top it off. This place overlooks one of the most breathtaking views in the world and I would thoroughly recommend visiting for a day.

Another experience worth considering is a visit to Parq. This is an architect designed lifestyle extravaganza about 15 minutes by car from Villa Tusk. It is huge. There are bars, restaurants, a 100 metre long pool, some of the best saunas that I have ever experienced, old airplanes hang from the ceiling and huge artworks adorn the walls. OK, it’s not really like being in Bali but it is a blast, especially if you love saunas and cold plunges. They’ve also got a world class gym and yoga centre. Parq is a project by a German architect and entrepreneur. You can even buy an apartment while you are there. It is a huge project which is still evolving. Just go and have a look. It’s full of people from Eastern Europe, most of them incredibly fit and good looking just like they stepped out of the internet.

Another great experience is a trip to Rusters, just south of Ubud. This place is the brainchild of a European designer and has great views, an amazing restaurant, homewares, furniture. It is a great experience if you are a fan of good design, homewares, jewellery and food.

One thing I will mention here is transport. During our May 2022 trip we decided to get driven as opposed to hiring our own car. This was quite a departure for me because I have been driving in Bali since the 80s. I’ve got to say that it was amazing to sit in the car as a passenger. The other issue now in the Ubud area is that there is nowhere to park. You can hire a scooter pretty economically but be warned. To be covered by insurance you must have a bike license issued in your own country, accidents do happen.

Sunday May 29, 2022

More cramps last night. I did take salt and electrolytes but obviously not enough of the right stuff or there is something else going on.

My computer is at the Apple Store in Doncaster. Whatever started happening on Friday night got worse and I couldn’t even start the computer at all on Saturday. Fingers crossed that the repairs will be covered by a warranty of some sort.

We went straight from Doncaster to visit John and Flora. Flora, as usual prepared some delicacies, this time in the form of a delicious almond flour cake and a very tasty bone broth. These 2 guys are very good friends. They are both special to me as friends who I have known for decades and I really must continue to create our relationship. I do.

I didn’t get anything done with Finn yesterday. This should be a lesson in what not to do. It’s so easy to get to the end of the day without any forward progress. We did communicate a bit more but there was no walk and no real concentration on health apart from giving him vitamins and a half decent meal.

I’ve spent a bit of time trying to get my head around neurotransmitters.

Neurotransmitters

Finn’s first test will be a neurotransmitter urine and possibly saliva profile test which assesses levels of neurotransmitters or “brain chemicals” including seratonin, GABA, dopamine, noradrenaline, adrenaline,, glutamate and others.

These neurotransmitters have been researched since 2000 in relation to their effects on mood disorders, hormones, sleep, glucose/insulin balance, pain perception, appetite and cognitive functions so the test seems like a good place to start with Finns potential journey to better health and happiness.

From what I understand, neurotransmitters help the nervous system and the body’s immune system communicate to each other. The trick will be to understand the results and then to apply the necessary actions to improve function.

The following is from the website of my.clevelandclinic.org (https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22513-neurotransmitters)

“Neurotransmitters are your boy’s chemical messengers. They carry messages from one nerve cell across a space to the next nerve, muscle or gland cell. These messages help you move your limbs, feel sensations, keep your heart beating, and take in and respond to all information your body receives from other internal parts of your body and your environment.

Your body has a vast network of nerves that send and receive electrical signals from nerve cells and their target cells all over your body. Your nervous system contrls eveything from your “mind” to your muscles, as well as organ functions. In other words, nerves are involved in everything you do, think and feel. Your nerve cells send and receive information from all body sources. This constant feedback is essential to your body’d optimal function.” 

The body functions that nerves and neurotransmitters help control are :

  • Heartbeat and blood pressure.
  • Breathing
  • Muscle movements
  • Thoughts, memory, learning and feelings
  • Sleep, healing and aging
  • Stress response
  • Hormone regulation
  • Digestion, sense of hunger and thirst
  • Senses (response to what you see, hear, feel, touch and taste).

More data from the Cleveland Clinic website.

Scientists know of at least 100 neurotransmitters and suspect there are many others that have yet to be discovered. They can be grouped into types based on their chemical nature. Some of the better-known categories and neurotransmitter examples and their functions include the following:

Amino acids neurotransmitters

These neurotransmitters are involved in most functions of your nervous system.

Glutamate. 

This is the most common excitatory neurotransmitter of your nervous system. It’s the most abundant neurotransmitter in your brain. It plays a key role in cognitive functions like thinking, learning and memory. Imbalances in glutamate levels are associated with Alzheimer’s disease, dementia, Parkinson’s disease and seizures.

Gamma-aminobutryic acid (GABA). 

GABA is the most common inhibitory neurotransmitter of your nervous system, particularly in your brain. It regulates brain activity to prevent problems in the areas of anxiety, irritability, concentration, sleep, seizures and depression.

Glycine. 

Glycine is the most common inhibitory neurotransmitter in your spinal cord. Glycine is involved in controlling hearing processing, pain transmission and metabolism.

Monoamines neurotransmitters

These neurotransmitters play a lot of different roles in your nervous system and especially in your brain. Monoamines neurotransmitters regulate consciousness, cognition, attention and emotion. Many disorders of your nervous system involve abnormalities of monoamine neurotransmitters, and many drugs that people commonly take affect these neurotransmitters.

Serotonin. 

Serotonin is an inhibitory neurotransmitter. Serotonin helps regulate mood, sleep patterns, sexuality, anxiety, appetite and pain. Diseases associated with serotonin imbalance include seasonal affective disorder, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia and chronic pain. Medications that regulate serotonin and treat these disorders include selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs).

Histamine. 

Histamine regulates body functions including wakefulness, feeding behavior and motivation. 

Histamine plays a role in asthma, bronchospasm, mucosal edema and multiple sclerosis.

Dopamine. 

Dopamine plays a role in your body’s reward system, which includes feeling pleasure, achieving heightened arousal and learning. Dopamine also helps with focus, concentration, memory, sleep, mood and motivation. Diseases associated with dysfunctions of the dopamine system include Parkinson’s disease, schizophrenia, bipolar disease, restless legs syndrome and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Many highly addictive drugs (cocaine, methamphetamines, amphetamines) act directly on the dopamine system.

Epinephrine. 

Epinephrine (also called adrenaline) and norepinephrine (see below) are responsible for your body’s so-called “fight-or-flight response” to fear and stress. These neurotransmitters stimulate your body’s response by increasing your heart rate, breathing, blood pressure, blood sugar and blood flow to your muscles, as well as heighten attention and focus to allow you to act or react to different stressors. Too much epinephrine can lead to high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease and other health problems. As a drug, epinephrine is used to treat anaphylaxis, asthma attacks, cardiac arrest and severe infections.

Norepinephrine. 

Norepinephrine (also called noradrenaline) increases blood pressure and heart rate. It’s most widely known for its effects on alertness, arousal, decision-making, attention and focus. Many medications (stimulants and depression medications) aim to increase norepinephrine levels to improve focus or concentration to treat ADHD or to modulate norepinephrine to improve depression symptoms.

Peptide neurotransmitters

Peptides are polymers or chains of amino acids.

Endorphins. 

Endorphins are your body’s natural pain reliever. They play a role in our perception of pain. Release of endorphins reduces pain, as well as causes “feel good” feelings. Low levels of endorphins may play a role in fibromyalgia and some types of headaches.

Acetylcholine

This excitatory neurotransmitter does a number of functions in your central nervous system (CNS [brain and spinal cord]) and in your peripheral nervous system (nerves that branch from the CNS). Acetylcholine is released by most neurons in your autonomic nervous system regulating heart rate, blood pressure and gut motility. Acetylcholine plays a role in muscle contractions, memory, motivation, sexual desire, sleep and learning. Imbalances in acetylcholine levels are linked with health issues, including Alzheimer’s disease, seizures and muscle spasms.

Saturday May 28, 2022

I got out of bed in the dark this morning. the crows are cawing in the pre-sunrise dawn cold and the house is so silent that I am tippy toeing around like a thief. I got some serious leg cramps throughout the night probably due to salt and magnesium deficiencies, neither of which I am taking enough of since being back in Melbourne.

Damn, there are so many things to remember to keep my body working properly.

My computer wouldn’t charge last night. Then I plugged it in upstairs in Georgie’s office and it fired up. I had made an appointment at the Apple store for today but cancelled it when it appeared that all was well. I should have backed it up when I got it going again last night but to be honest that simple step/precaution slipped my mind. This morning the same problem re-appeared so I’m back where I was and writing this on Georgie’s computer.

I played music again last night. I’m really enjoying approaching my playing more thoughtfully. I have spent pretty much my whole life just winging it with whatever natural ability that bI have picked up along the way. I may be destined never to learn the way I should have but this is the closest that I have ever come so that’s a good thing and shines a light on the potential of the future as far as music goes.

I started listening to a Rick Beato interview with Bernard Purdee, the great session drummer who played on a lot of Steely Dan classics like Pearl Earrings. Just listening to him talk with the incredible certainty that he has as a drummer was inspiring and cast a whole new light on the subtleties of being a good musician. It was 5 a.m when I started listening, I was lying next to Georgie in bed with my earphones on until about 6.30 when the cramps got a bit too much.

It appears that I may have broken the ice with Finn. Pelan pelan (slowly slowly in Bahasa). I can’t afford to go too slow or like a bull at the gate. I have to watch his reactions and work with what I have. “A” is organising some tests and I will book him in for a weekly massage with Mike at Leehan Massage which might help with his stress and tension. Anything that takes us forward will be a good thing. I have a lot of building to do.

We head off to Red Hill tomorrow afternoon to unload the van and also to meet Johan who is arriving on Monday morning to begin renovations. Georgie has it all planned out so I’ll just be going for the ride and to keep a good fire burning to take the chill off the place. Then on Monday afternoon we will come back to melbourne and I will get the dressing taken of my toe where Jasmine cut of the ingrown section of the toenail on my big right toe.The on Tuesday I will be back at the dentist getting whatever help I can with the horrible state of my mouth as it contends with braces.

Overall I feel quite confident that I have beaten the cancer that was in my body last year. I can’t afford to be too glib about it so I must persist with the discipline that I have applied since being diagnosed in November 2020. I’ve got pretty good at it and it ap[ears that all my hard work is paying off. I hit the scales yesterday at about 77 kg which is down 30 kg from February 2019. The next important discipline is to put on some muscle, I’ve procrastinated with this for a bit too long. Caring for the body at this stage of my life has become almost like a job. But I’m getting results and I have a feeling that it will give me longer in my current incarnation so it’s worth the effort that I put into it.

I put the book idea on hold. I still believe that I have a lot to offer but haven’;t quite got my head around where to start. I get of to a whole lot of false starts but get far too subjective and then shelve it.

There you go, that can be a worthwhile project to devote some time and effort into.

Rough Notes for a Potential opening for a book

Help is a very strange subject. No matter how hard you try it appears that the best that you can offer is to give inspiration, to help create some hope and a recognition of a need to change and a genuine demand for improvement. 

I have proven to myself over the past 3 years that once you can reach this point for real, this genuine recognition that you have to improve otherwise you will go down the tubes, that anything is possible.

The people I think I can help are those over 50 years old who have lived through the first five decades of their life as toddlers, pre-teens, teenagers, young adults, mothers and fathers, business builders and providers. There is a lot going on during this time and it’s so easy to forget to look after yourself and just rely on the natural stores of health that you were imbued with at birth.

My big decline began in my late 40s. I spent the next 20 years stacking on weight, not exercising enough, thinking that I was eating healthy food when I really wasn’t at all. I deluded myself and stopped looking to the future. By the time I reached the age of 67 I had stacked on about 30 kg, drank far too much, randomly ate too much food, unwittingly started to develop cancer plus some other nasty physical conditions and hated seeing my body when I looked in a mirror. Looking back from where I am today I can objectively and honestly say that I was a mess.

Thankfully the innate evolutionary biology of the body allows us to repair the damage that we have done as long as it hasn’t gone too far.

For such a brilliant species we act dumb when it comes to our own bodies.

Are you overweight, tired, devoid of inspiration and enthusiasm for life? Do you suffer pain and strange illnesses that doctors cannot help you with? Have you simply accepted that getting old means that your body becomes your enemy as opposed to being your friend?

I would like to tell you my story and tell you what Actions I took at 67 years old to lose 30 kg, handle my dangerously high blood pressure, turn my fatty liver around, reverse my pre-diabetes condition to a point where my blood sugar is always in the lower normal range, totally handle my drinking problem plus completely abstain from drinking and possibly most importantly, beat cancer.

I have to warn you that it is hard work and that you will need to be disciplined, dedicated to yourself and have a genuine desire to live a long and healthy life. The only magic in what I’m going to tell you is that your own body has some amazing magical powers to repair itself, based on my own experiences.

I am not a medical practitioner and what I suggest is not to be construed as medical advice. You really should find a sympathetic doctor who is willing to work with you as you work to improve your health. 

Friday May 27, 2022

The letters that I wrote yesterday morning had a relatively positive effect on both Finn and Kaye. I got positive feedback from both of them. Interestingly the only point that Finn wasn’t keen on was the Oura ring.

Now it’s time to actually get the ball rolling and do some research on the tests that he will need, doctor’s appointments, checking out gyms, getting some feedback from Allissa, setting up the scales in his bathroom and downloading the apps on his phone.

After my appointment with Chris Darby the other night there are both positives and negatives. He handled all of the sharp rogue wires but the outcome is that I have a tongue that is quite infected and makes it impossible to eat or at least very, very painful. It is so sore that I sometimes have tears in my eyes. I got onto the dentist this morning and the nurse suggested that I send in some photos of the tongue and my mouth in general.

I also got my 2 corns cut of at the podiatrist yesterday. The relief is palpable. She also decided that my ingrown toenail needed to have a minor operation so after I had 2 injections to numb it she cut a rather large sliver of nail off the top left side of my large right toe. It’s all dressed up now with a bandage and I’m feeling very optimistic that I won’t be getting that infected feeling again.

Overall I’m beginning to settle in. My “resentment” levels are dropping and I’m becoming more resigned to being at home for the next 2 months.

Oh, and I went into my music room last night and played along with backing tracks for about 30-40 minutes. This was far more rewarding and pleasant than I thought it would be.

Not a lot more to say today. I feel a need to become a bit more sociable in Melbourne but we are working on setting up some get togethers right now.

Letter To Kaye about Red Hill

Hi Kaye

I’ll send this in an e-mail as well.

Georgie mentioned that you have been spending a lot of money on Red Hill. I understand what this must feel like from your perspective because funnily enough Georgie felt exactly the same way when we were just in Bali setting up the Villa and I had to keep plugging away to get the bits and pieces that we needed to wrap it up for our guests. 

The following is just some advice that you can take on board or not. It is only a suggestion so please don’t feel that I am interfering.

I suppose the moral to this story is that it’s always easier for the person pushing for the “extras” than the person dishing out the money.

I just wanted to give you a few different angles to look at in regard to Red Hill. First one is that I know how much Georgie adores going down there. It’s a bit like the way I feel about going to Bali. She likes going to Red Hill more than I do but I must say that when I am there with her I feel quite contented. The apparency is also that Pete’s family also enjoy their time there. And I’m sure you like to get down there whenever it’s feasible.

I just took a look at the income since March 5 when we opened it up for bookings again. The income for this period up until now has been $15,600. Unfortunately Covid ripped the heart out of the income last year which makes it pretty hard to do a proper analysis. The other thing to take into account is that since the state has opened up we having been pushing the price up very successfully resulting in an average of $1200 for a two night weekend stay, compared to about $700 last year. That’s a bonus.

After years in business I have come to the conclusion that when looking at financial figures you have to have some sort of book keeping that is easy for you to personally understand. I remember when we would get our “books” back from the accountant I would scratch my head in wonder because what I was seeing usually had nothing to do with what was happening because the accountants job is to save you tax.

To solve this I kept simplified records of my own so I could have some sort of idea of what was coming in and what was going out.

Here’s my suggestion.

  1. Set up an affiliated account attached to your main account and have all of the AirBnB money go into it.
  2. Pay all Bills, every bill or outgoing for Red Hill from this account
  3. Hire a basic bookkeeper to keep a set of simple books for Red Hill based on this account. They should be able to do it simply without invoices etc.
  4. Review incoming and outgoing money every 3 months.
  5. Have a credit card or debit card attached to the account so any purchases are recorded.

I reckon this might give you the peace of mind that you need to give you a clear snapshot of what is going on financially at Red Hill.

The other thing that I suggest is that you list your objectives with Red Hill and get Georgie and Pete to do the same thing. By doing this you will be able to get a clearer picture of what each of you want and then maybe to work out a plan that will help the three of you achieve whatever goals and objectives that you have individually and as a family. I suspect that at the moment that these “objectives” may be different. You know what it’s like. We all tend to look at things from our own perspective and don’t always take other people’s viewpoints into account.

If I was you I would also get a current valuation done on the property so you get a picture on what has happened to the value of the property over the past few years. This might give you all a clearer picture of what you are dealing with as I suspect that it may have increased in value more than you suspect but I might be wrong. Who knows.

I hope you take this on board for what it’s worth. I think that anything that can make things clearer and to ease any conflict are worth looking at.

Gary

Reply to Gary Edwards

Thanks for the link Gary. I will enjoy reading your blog. I miss playing with you as well. The positive thing is that I went into my music room last night and played along with some backing tracks that I have. It’s interesting because I approached it in a new and better way after playing with you … quiet and more thoughtfully. I’d never thought about the quality of communication with oneself musically before. It’s always been about the experience. This has opened up new vistas for me. I’m going to do my best to do at least 30 minutes or more each day. When you get a chance send me a list of your songs and I’ll listen to them and work out some stuff.

I must say that it was a bonus to meet you and Rosie on this trip. I love meeting new people but it’s even better when it feels like you are on the same wavelength and that there is the chance of more great experiences and conversations. Some of the things you said to me have resonated profoundly. I wrote a 4 page letter to my son yesterday about giving him some help with his health, both physical and mental. I got a very positive response. I think what you said on our porch about an experience you had with your daughter and how you reacted got me thinking. It’s so easy to forget that we all have our own viewpoints and that the first point of any communication is to connect in a place where there is some form of agreement. You talked about your reactions and that’s what I took away from our conversation. I hope that makes sense.

It’s cold in Melbourne, bloody cold. We hopped in the sauna yesterday and then jumped in the pool …. bracing. It’s taken me almost a week to get back into present time and to stop mourning about coming home from Bali. I just have to remember to make the most of wherever I am and not cling onto past pleasure moments. Oh well, it’s only a bit more than 2 months and we will be back in beautiful Bali.

My blog is garycollier.com.au … it’s just a whole lot of stuff about health, cancer, random thoughts and feelings. I write every day and put everything in it’s raw state in the Defrag Blues section and every now and again I actually do a blogpost. I’ve got to catch up on all the stuff I wrote in Bali. Talk soon.

Gary

Thursday May 26, 2022

Today  is Miles Davis’s birthday. He would have been 96. Miles was born exactly 4 days after my Mum. It’s hard to believe that they were contemporaries as far as age anyway. They both had a big effect on my life. My Mum because she gave me unconditional love and possibly a good sense of compassion and Miles who introduced me to Jazz. Happy birthday to both of them.

It’s hard to believe that it was around 33 years ago when I saw Miles play twice over 2 nights the first night with Melanie and the next with Mel and a very young Paul. 2 years later he was dead. On the other hand my mother kept going strong until 2017.

A Letter To My Son

26/5/2022

Hey Finn

Our lives are made up of a mixture of circumstances and influences. Let me start by telling you that I’m sorry that I was so old when you were born and even sorrier that the circumstances in my life were very complicated with Paul and his physical and mental condition.

When Paul was born the world was a different place, not any better but maybe simpler and less complex. By the time Paul was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes when he was 8 in 1987 the medical profession knew very little about why people got the disease and more importantly how to treat it. We used to go to an endocrinologist named Dr Gerstman in Kew whose only real advise was to balance carbs and insulin injections. It was sort of like a see saw. Eat complex carbs and then knock down the blood sugar with a shot of insulin. Access to information was simply not available apart from a few outdated books on Diabetes. Paul’s mental heath and physical health became more and more compromised as he moved into his mid 20s. He put on a huge amount of weight and generally started going downhill physically and mentally.

As I said to you last night, if I knew what I know now about the body, insulin and metabolism our lives would have potentially travelled along a different pathway. Even the blood testing devices back then were archaic as were the injections. We were up against the “8 ball”. Also I’m not going to kid myself because I still will never know whether Paul would have taken my advice even if I did know what I know now.

The thing is that for me being a father has at times been a challenge. Sometimes I arrived at the starting line and at others I failed dismally.

Please take what I say next objectively as it is based on my own experience.

For whatever reason I have an addictive personality, maybe it’s in my genes, maybe not. I get extreme with things like addiction and on the other hand I go full blast when it comes to being healthy at the other end of the spectrum.

Now that I am 70 and have gone through years of addiction to alcohol and stress I am fully aware of how fragile life can be and how hard I have to work to become and continue to be healthy, fit and potentially live to a ripe old age while still being in good physical and mental condition.

I love being alive.

Over the past 3 years I have gained a heap of practical knowledge, found researchers who I trust (based on results and common sense), listened to hundreds of hours of podcasts, read hundreds of pages of books on health and metabolism and effectively beaten cancer, lost 30 kgs of fat, handled defective insulin resistance, a fatty liver, high blood pressure and pre-diabetes. I have also increased my fitness by walking for hours as well as doing hyperbaric oxygen and IVs. The reason I say this is that I am talking from a platform of personal experience as opposed to the theoretical.

It was fucking hard work and at times I just wanted to give up but somehow I persisted and garnered the rewards.

The thing is I know that I can help you lose weight, get fit and improve your brain health …. all things that I have done for myself.

The other important factor is that I cannot help you unless you decide to set your own goals and try my advice for yourself.

If you get this far reading this then I would like to propose that we start with looking at the current state of your body based on your metrics and blood work.

Here’s what I propose.

  1. Prepare your body to get blood work done (so that the blood comes out easily). I will do some research in regard to how to prepare your body, the best tests and the data we need to work out what is happening.
  2. Do a gut microbiome test to see what is happening with your micro-organisms in your gut.
  3. I can set up the scales in your bathroom that will give you an accurate understanding of your fat, muscle, weight, metabolic age etc
  4. Set up the Oura ring and wear it to keep an eye on your sleep metrics and exercise metrics.

Would you agree to start with these 4 steps? 

I don’t want to put you in a position where I nag you, if we move forward I want you to do it because you decide to on your own determinism. Without agreement between us we cannot work together as a team. At this point in time I’m not even suggesting any changes to your current lifestyle and eating habits … just the list of 4 steps above.

Love Dad

Wednesday May 25, 2022

This is our fourth day back in Melbourne. Apart from the cold I am finally getting on top of my somewhat negative reaction to returning. I left the house yesterday and went to Eastland with Georgie where I wandered around, ate a piece of grilled fish and a coffee, purchased a replacement blood glucose and ketone monitor …. that must sound pretty damn mundane and yes, it was but the real reason for going there was so I could do the 12 km walk back home which I did.

I walked out the doors of the shopping centre and walked the whole way home while I listened to a Peter Attia podcast on cardiovascular health.

Our logistics went awry towards the end of the day. We had co-ordinated meeting at home and then to drive to Malvern for a dental appointment to get my braces “repaired”. The appointment was at 4.50pm but Georgie got held up, Kaye had an emergency and the walk took a bit longer than I had originally expected. I had to re-schedule the appointment for 7.30 which meant that georgie came as well and we spent most of the night driving around Melbourne. Oh well, I must say that even though my teeth are still a bit wonky having the shards of metal filed down has made my mouth a much more hospitable place.

So, all in all, I am returning to some sort of equilibrium in regard to being home again although it is very comforting to know that we will be returning to Bali on August 1.

My braces are giving me hell. My tongue feels like it has been sliced at the back and held over a flame on top. It makes it hard to talk and harder to enjoy being alive.

Bali Notes

The following notes are for a blogpost that we will send to out guests who are first time Bali visitors.

“ The first thing that you will notice when you step off the plane is the gentle warmth, humidity and the underlying smell of Bali.

Ngurah Rai Airport is pretty  efficient. We are still in the age of covid so there are still a few extra hurdles to jump but you don’t need to do a PCR test before arriving anymore so that’s a bonus. 

I would recommend following Ocky Misa on YouTube before you set off on your journey. He does an amazing job of keeping visitors up to date with the latest developments. His YouTube channel is called “What’s Up Bali”. I’ve done a blogpost on Ocky here after visiting him in Ubud on a recent trip.

Once you get through the covid protocol and customs, pick up your bags you will be able to walk out of the airport building and meet your driver.

The following are simple suggestions that dare based on my own experience.

You might want to change a bit of your money into Indo Rupiah before you venture out of the airport. The exchange rate is always less at the airport so just change enough to have some money in your pocket, pay for your ride to the villa and have some left over until you can go to an authorised money changer. You can also purchase a local SIM Card at the airport but I have another suggestion for those staying at Villa Tusk.

If you are staying at Villa Tusk

Chances are that you will have secured the services of our designated driving services “Made Paradise Tours”. Made (pronounced Marday) is married to Purnami, the manager of Villa Tusk. Made will be waiting for you at the airport, he will greet you and will help you with your bags. The drive to the villa takes just under an hour. The first part of the trip takes you through a more built up part of Bali but after getting through Denpasar you will be on your way through Balinese Villages, past rice fields and eventually to our village of Penestanan, right next door to Ubud.

If you want to change more money and if it isn’t too late at night, just tell made and he will take you to a decent money changer.

Phones, SIM Cards and WhatsApp

Before you leave home I urge you to download WhatsApp. This is how almost everybody communicates in Bali. You can order food, contact Made and Purnami, communicate with friends and other family members all for free. You will wonder why you don’t do this at home!

Made can take you to a small shop just up the road from the villa where you can purchase a SIM card with 35 GB of data for approx $9 US or $12.50 Australian (125,000 Rupiah). It will last you for a month. You can also hook up to the WiFi at the Villa as well as just about every restaurant that you go to.

When You Arrive At The Villa

Purnami will be waiting for you to help you with your baggage and to welcome you to Villa Tusk. The walk from the main road to the villa is about 100 metres down Gang Padma (a gang is what the Balinese call a laneway). Don’t be fooled by the gang, the villa is waiting at the end and is a tropical oasis.

Monday May 23, 2022

Villa Tusk

Re Made Driving Costs

Made can most definitely pick you up and bring you to Ubud and then at the end take you to your next destination, plus he can take you on day trips.

I just wanted to offer a couple of options to you and some insight in regard to what it’s like driving/scootering in Bali and what we chose to do during our recent trip.

Made is married to Purnami who runs Villa Tusk for us. He is 32 years old and over his career he has been a batik artist and involved in the tourist industry. He started his own transport business several years ago and has managed to survive the horrible toll that Covid took on the Balinese people and their livelihood.

Georgie and I have just spent 5 transformative weeks in Bali tweeking the villa and taking in the beauty of Ubud, Penestanan and surrounding areas including amazing 2 hour early morning walks through the rice fields and ridges around Ubud.

What I normally do is hire my own car but this time I decided to hire Made exclusively to be on hand to drive us whenever we needed to go somewhere. This worked amazingly well for us. I’ll explain.

  1. Bali roads are narrow and relatively unpredictable and the driving etiquette is thoroughly understood by the Balinese but not always by tourists. 
  2. It is incredibly hard (pretty much impossible) to find a car parking spot in Penestanan 
  3. Insurance companies will not cover you (for scooters) in the case of an accident unless you have a scooter license in your own country. 
  4. There is soooo much to see and do around Ubud and having access to a permanent driver was a godsend.

What we did was let Made know the prior day about any big trips/plans and agree on a time, he was always waiting for us on time and it was always a pleasure and thoroughly safe being driven by him. Also there were many times when we needed to go to the local Supermarket or a Restaurant/Yoga/Whatever in Ubud or locally so we would just WhatsApp him and he was there waiting for us. Even late at night or early in the morning. Overall it made our trip so much easier, convenient and comfortable.

The thing is that this “exclusivity” puts Made in a situation where he cannot take other jobs.

So my recommendation is that you consider just hiring Made for your whole Ubud adventure and pay him directly. This would cost you about $65 US per day which might seem a bit pricey but overall I can guarantee that you will get so much more out of your Ubud experience. You will be dealing directly with Made and all transactions are with him. Made’s car comfortably seats up to 6 people without baggage and 4 with baggage.

I am going to be writing some blogposts on recommended places to visit, walks, restaurants, markets etc around Ubud in the coming weeks and will keep you updated. There is so much to experience.

If this option isn’t appealing then I can send you the prices for pickup from Uluwatu and the trip to Karagasam plus day trips. 

Where are you planning to visit?

I was aware that yesterday was the date on which my Mum’s birthday fell and then it came and it wasn’t until 11 p.m that I became consciously aware. The fragility of memory. I can contemplate the significance of it today. One thing that I do know is that she would have been fine is she was still alive. She was one of the “I don’t want to go gang”.

I am struggling with being home in Melbourne. It’s cold, I feel isolated, I even feel uninspired. So far I haven’t even found anything to get excited about. Our house needs a huge amount of work, cleaning, re-imagining .

Sunday May 22, 2022

We arrived back home at around 10 p.m last night to a cold and dirty house. I had hopes that Finn might have cleaned up but all they were not realized and we walked in the door to a stale smell and a kitchen full of dirty dishes. The dynamic in the car was a bit tense. There has to be positives in all of this and something to learn to make all of our lives better. So far I don’t have any other solution apart from cleaning up and doing whatever I can to improve the relationships in our family.

When you are away from a space and return the first thing that you realize is that it is different than you thought it was when you walked away from it. In our case we have been away for 35 days and the positive aspect of having this objectivity is that I can change things for the better. Pelan pelan as the Balinese say … slowly, slowly. I normally have an urge to burst into a frenzy of cleaning and tidying that ends with me petering out. This time I will try to approach it more realistically.

My first reaction to Melbourne was predictable. I want to be in Bali. Bali is a package, people, environment, simplicity, natural beauty, pleasant smells. There seems to be less external pressure pushing down upon you. Less reason to create stress. I don’t know how I will feel about going on a morning walk here in Mooroolbark or getting up at the crack of dawn. Maybe it is my time in life to be selfish, to think of myself before others. After all I have less time left than most of the people who are intimately connected to me and yeah, sure they will miss me for a while when I drop off the perch and they’ll probably remember that I was a good fellow but fuck it what I want out of life now is maximum reaction, minimum conflict, negligible stress, utmost creativity. 

This is a lot to process on my first day back home so I’d better stop right now and just sit back and observe my life and make some sort of plan about how I can achieve the levels of happiness, health and creativity that I aspire toward.

Now to look at the positives of the past 5 weeks. We set off for Bali with several goals … to finish the Villa, to make some new friends, to rediscover Bali, to get even fitter and healthier, to be more creative, to be more disciplined, less stressed and to spend some more time with Allissa. All of this happened and now that I am back and looking at what we got done in the 35 days that we were

New Viewpoint on Arriving back in Melbourne

If “morosity” was a condition then I’ve had it for the past 48 hours since arriving back at Melbourne Airport on Saturday night. To put it simply, I miss Bali. I miss the intensity, the colour, the food and people, the potential of opportunities, the sense of adventure, the promise that something unexpected and fulfilling might happen any second. I suppose that when you are mourning something you perceive to have lost, albeit only for a short time, this perception causes the pond of life to appear to be murky enough to distort the inherent beauty and magic of life. As the pond will settle so will the way I feel and react to my surroundings and the invisible walls that I have unwittingly created over time.

I have been making the big mistake of fighting being back home, comparing Melbourne to Bali and the expansive feeling I had when I was there through April and May. 

I am still exactly the same me as I was a few days ago but my reaction to my geographical location, my home, my freedom of movement, the culture, my anonymity, my willingness to explore and discover new locations, experiences and people has tainted the genuine enthusiasm that I felt every morning when I bounded out of bed as the sun rose.

I should learn a big lesson from this experience. I can’t talk for anyone else but I have become intensely aware of the invisible but tangible universe we all appear to create for ourselves over time. Maybe that is why I feel so good when I go on the road or travel overseas. It’s like I allow myself to not limit my curiosity and desire to experience something new and stimulating.

I just realized that it could even be possible to create an invisible prison wherever you are so it’s not 100% about the new location. It is about the need to create every second of your existence consciously and with gratitude.

Something happened yesterday that opened my eyes somewhat. I went to a barber shop for a haircut and beard trim. The place is usually full of customers and you have to queue but yesterday there were 3 guys sitting waiting for a customer to pounce upon. I didn’t know any of them so I just had to take a chance with whoever I ended up with. I was lucky. Why? Well my barber was a young boy who looked like a teenager. After talking for a while I discovered that he had come to Australia from Iraq in 2015. He came with his parents from the city of Mosel in Northern Iraq, an ancient city that has been there for thousands of years. A city that I know I would embrace if I ever had a chance to visit. He came to Australia as a refugee, via Jordan and now lives in Craigieburn which is a rather uninspired northern suburb on the outskirts of Melbourne. It turns out that there is a large Iraqi community living there. A place I have never wanted to visit but now do. But that’s not the point.

I asked him what it was like coming to Australia. His answer was “I love Australia, it is an amazing place.”

That experience shone a new light on how I was feeling about Melbourne and even gave me a kick in the arse.

I’m still floundering but the pond is getting clearer.

The trick seems to be to appreciate wherever you are, make the most of it. There is always something to appreciate. Being morose isn’t going to help. That is all about regret, feeling sorry for oneself, not taking responsibility, being effect. All of the qualities that make life seem murky.

Saturday May 21, 2022

Well, it is 21/5 in my home, Melbourne, Australia where I will be in less than 24 hours. Flying in to learn the results of a federal Election which in itself is quite exciting.

Even though I am sad about leaving Bali I’m also ready to return home. Albeit only for 2 months. I have to admit that we did a pretty good job getting tour Villa up to scratch and pretty much ready for AirBnB visitors. We are now about to enter the marketing phase of the project.

We ended today (Friday) with a photo shoot that should give us some spectacular photographs of the villa and the artwork and nik naks that we have adorned the walls and rooms with.

The feedback that we have received from visitors has been overwhelming positive and the general enthusiasm that our new friends have shown toward our villa and the work at Villa Tusk gives me good reason to feel very optimistic about the potential success of our venture.

Yes, of course, we still have hurdles to jump but we’ll do that slowly and systematically so that our foundations are solid and stable to build the future on. The potential for Bali as a source of great pleasure as well as income has almost been realized.

In some ways it is almost a positive that we are returning to Melbourne for the next 2 months because the objectivity will give us space to look back on what we have achieved as well as give us the opportunity to make plans to do an even better job on our return on August 1, 2022.

Another interesting outcome is that we have found a 2-3 bedroom villa that Allissa may be interested in leasing for 20/30 years. It is just around the corner from Villa Tusk. This could be a step in the right direction for Lis as well and will come with many positive features for us as father and daughter. I have my fingers crossed that this new plan moves forward and has a great outcome.

We leave Villa Tusk tomorrow morning just before 9 a.m. My plan is to get up while it is still dark, go for a walk and wrap up any incomplete tasks that are still brewing. The suitcases are pretty well packed, pictures are hung and apart from losing one of my Sennheiser ear buds tonight I should be able to get on the plane without too much stress.

To cut a long story short we are at Ngurah Rai Airport sitting in a depressing food court eating food purchased at Warung Mendez in Penestanan. Strange because I am not only eating ridiculously early for me but I am also eating food full of carbs and seed oil. I’ll get over it and I will return to my disciplined self over the next few days. My Bali adventure is over for 2 months.

Allissa put her hand on my chest while it was still pretty dark outside and after muttering “What! What!” I bounded out of bed and wandered around my dark bedroom looking for shoes and shorts. Allissa was dressed and ready to walk. I nudged Georgie 

who told me to walk for 30 minutes and come back and get her so I decided that Allissa and I would trek down to the confluence of the 2 rivers at Tjampuhan and visit the Gunung Lebah Temple before walking down the deep steps to the gushing water in the ravine under the Tjampuhan Bridge. Definitely a wonderful way to start our day. We ran up the steps, over the bridge up the hill into Penestanan and back to our villa where Georgie was still languishing but almost awake. The 3 of us then walked down to The Yellow Flower on the site of the old Kori Agung Cafe/Homestay to remember what it might have been like 25 years ago when we all stayed together for the first time, young and innocent. We talked, had a coffee and bounded down the Penestanan Steps down to the main road and up past Zest again, back into Penestanan and our Villa.

Purnami and Made turned up soon after we arrived and before we knew it we were on the road to the airport.

Airports and shopping malls are weird places. Maybe we all have some shared experience in our deep past as a species where we were implanted with a familiarity for bland places like the one we are now sitting in. It almost seems unreal that Penestanan is only an hour away and we are in some limbo land stuck between 2 cultures. The cultures that make up my world as of now.

We are now above the continent where I was born once again. The sun is setting and night is about to begin. It is a large and diverse mass of ecosystems, deserts, mountains, rivers, plains, grasslands, rolling hills. A continent that has only in recent times embraced the English language and become a melting pot for people from all around the world. A country which is a bit like Gado Gado, “a bit of this and a bit of that”, that somehow works together. I am more than happy to have been lucky enough to have been born in Australia but now I feel that I can comfortably share my time between Bali and Melbourne.

One thing that is certain is that the 6 hour flight from melbourne to Bali and the 5 hour flight home is comfortable and bearable. Time flies.

Friday May 20, 2022

I feel blocked. I started our Bali adventure full of childish hope and enthusiasm and now on our last day I’m feeling a bit empty.

Looking back I think I lost control about one week ago when I got the keto rash and stopped walking in the mornings. There was something incredibly special about our morning walks through the rice fields and streets of Ubud and Penestanan. Without the walks to ground me I’ve lost something that is intangible, maybe a feeling of adventure and discovery, maybe something to look forward to to begin my day with. I’m not certain. 

Over the past few days I’ve been purposely eating carbs and even some sugar to get my ketones down. The rash is still there and I noticed that even though it is diminishing on my torso I’m now getting a rash on my bum and a few scabby things on the back of my neck. I have to admit that it has been so much fun eating whatever I choose to over the past 3 days but it has also made me aware that the discipline of being on a strict ketogenic diet in itself is very therapeutic.

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Thursday May 19, 2022

My defragmented drive hasn’t been available for repairs as much over the past 2 weeks and the words that spill out to ease its congestion are not coming as easy.

The lightness and magic that I felt on the first 3 weeks of our trip seems to have diminished a bit. Maybe I am starting to take the magic of Bali for granted and I need to consciously increase my gratitude. Could that be why the people of Bali religiously continue to do daily offerings to their gods and for the constant stream of ceremonies that are an integral part of their everyday activities. When things are so good it’s easy to take them for granted so a gently reminder is probably a pretty good idea.

Gratitude for the wonders of life and nature is in itself a reminder to stay in the present and to reap the rewards of being alive.

I am still slowly working my way out of ketosis. My ketones were down to 1.2 yesterday and this morning my blood sugar is 5.4 and ketones are 1.4. Still too high for the condition I am experiencing and surprising based on the fact that I have slowly introduced carbs back into my diet over the past week and had a Hiroshima moment last night when I DROPPED A LARGE SLICE OF COCONUT CAKE INTO MY DIGESTIVE SYSTEM. I could feel the sugar streaming through my veins and calling out like Ulysses sirens to my pancreas to produce insulin to help open the locks on my “cell’s doors” to let the glucose enter and be metabolized.

Until the past few days I really had no awareness about how obsessive I had become about my diet and my compulsion to keep my body being fuelled by ketones. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe that the ketogenic diet is by far the best diet for me but at the same time I have gained a bit more objectivity to what can happen when you have idée fixe, an idea that becomes an obsession. The simple truth is that I am an obsessive person and have been like this for decades.

After all, there are still many bits of data that I am lacking about metabolism, diet, nutrition and how the body responds to different stimuli.

After a month of careful eating, intense ketosis and daily exercise resulting in voluminous sweating in a hot, humid climate I developed a keto rash that left my body looking like I had a bad dose of the measles and itching like I had been staffed by a formation of angry mosquitoes. Even though I was making an effort I still wasn’t taking in enough salt or electrolytes.

So the moral to this story is to learn more and arm myself with knowledge.

Tuesday May 17, 2022

Keto Rash

About a week ago I started noticing a red pimply rash on my torso. Initially I didn’t give it much thought but when it didn’t go away and even seemed to become more intense I got a bit worried. Then on Friday night I started getting dizzy and feeling nauseous which came to a head when I felt so sick that I vomited and ended up crashing in a pile. My daughter thought that I had all the symptoms of a heat rash or even worse, heat stroke. I sure had all of the symptoms. I have pretty much cut out my long walks, saunas and have stopped pushing myself since then but the rash is still quite prominent and even though it has calmed down a bit it is still there covering my upper body, arms and back.

Since last Friday I have been increasing my water consumption as well as salt, electrolytes and magnesium.

This morning I discovered that there is an actual condition called keto rash, also known as “prurigo pigmentosa”. There is research underway about the relationship between nutritional ketosis and this skin condition. From what I can discover it is quite rare and can be treated with antibiotics (which I haven’t done) and actually pulling your body out of ketosis. I have done regular blood glucose and ketone tests while in Bali and I must admit that I was pretty curious about how high my ketones were considering the change of environment and to some extent the food I was eating. 

I’d say with a high level of certainty that I have eaten less in Bali than I do in Melbourne and there have been days where I haven’t eaten until late in the afternoon. I simply haven’t been hungry.

We are all up out of bed and it’s just turned 6.15 a.m. It’s good to be up with the crowing roosters and happily chirping birds again after several mornings of sleep ins … which I obviously needed to recover from my heat related issues and rashes. My body is still struggling to get back on top of the apparent lack of electrolytes and salt, liquid and its ability to sweat properly. I’ll be doing some extensive study to understand this phenomena so it doesn’t happen again.

Made is picking us up at 7 a.m to drive to Denpasar where will will have out photograph taken for our 3 day Visa extension and then on to the Australian Embassy where we will vote.

We only have 4 more days in Bali left on this current trip. Next Saturday morning we will be getting ready to head off to the airport for our flight back to what appears to be a very cold Melbourne. My lists are getting longer so I’ve now got to pull back the tasks that need doing to the top priorities. Overall we have done an amazing job and should feel quite pleased with ourselves and our accomplishments.

That’s it for now. I cannot properly “defragment” if I want to indulge in a morning coffee.

Monday May 16, 2022

Another day when the writing starts late in the afternoon and proof that to really defragment my brain I need to write first thing in the morning after I wake up.

Today started late. I woke up at 6 a.m with every intention to go for a long morning walk but Georgie informed me that “A” and her had decided that it wouldn’t be a good idea for me to walk today. So I closed my eyes and the next thing I was aware of was the bright morning sun outside with most of the morning stolen with sleep.

We had delivery after delivery today. They started with the arrival of several towel stands and then soon after 10 a.m the serious stuff began to arrive. 2 flatbed trucks full of statues, sculptures, wall friezes and stone pots. Each truck had 2 men who instead of cursing in the hot mid morning sun worked systematically to manually carry the heavy loads 100 plus metres down Gang Padma, helping each other, occasionally laughing, never complaining and into our front gates. Then before they were finished our new builder turned up with a guy to try out a new larger bolt for our big tri-fold doors. The original builder had the luxury of us not being here during the renovations and took as many short cuts in quality and cost as he possibly could. There are so many details that he has done that need to be replaced or ripped out and totally re-thunk. They did a pretty good job, it looks like the new bolts might be a success.

Sunday May 15, 2022

Bali and Villa Tusk

Tomorrow marks our first 4 weeks in Bali. The trip has overall been fantastic, productive and rewarding in so many ways but I still feel like we have only dipped our toes into the water. Having our own villa as a base to experience Bali from is better than I could have ever imagined. We have been able to create a space that is a reflection of our own personalities and that truly feels like a home, much more than a holiday house.

Georgie and I approach interior decor and “styling” so differently. She likes to measure up, plan, make decisions that she feels confident will work and I just see something that I like and work out how I can fit it in to the overall chaos that I create. The amazing thing about this is that we always seem to be able to create memorable spaces where both of our influences come together in a marriage of our styles. I can confidently say that I could not pull my part off without her precise and meticulous planning and foundational work.

When we return to Melbourne in a weeks time we will have converted our newly renovated joglo (Javanese style house) into a space that feels “just like home”. 

This dream began in earnest at the end of 2018. After several setbacks, that seemed tragic when they happened, all I can say now is that like most things in life “they were meant to happen”. If everything went smoothly and there were no hitches not only would life be boring but the end result would never be as good. 

Well that’s how I see it anyway.

The point is that from the beginning all roads have led to Penestanan. We were destined to set up our Bali home in this village which is just next door to Ubud. Penestanan in 2022 still feels a bit like the Bali I first visited in 1983. It is a bit like Gertrude St compared to Chapel St in Melbourne, interesting and individual. Still retaining the feel of a large Balinese village but at the same time integrating some of the better qualities of modern life into its woof and warp. The demographic that gravitates toward Penestanan is possibly searching for an experience that is more relaxed and spiritual for want of a better word. Penestanan is a big village by Balinese standards. There are approximately 4000 inhabitants and it is divided into two sections Kaja and Kelod. Kaja means towards the mountain in north central Bali where the gods live and Kelod translates as towards the ocean. Normally, sacred buildings such as temples are placed in the Kaja section and standard buildings, such as residential houses are usually placed in the Kelod section.

Villa Tusk is located in Penestanan Kelod.

We have a view of the sacred Mount Agung from the bale/balcony of our upstairs bedroom. 

Another asset is that we have a very special and symbiotic relationship with a Penestanan family and in particular with a woman named Purnami who has been working with us for over 2 years now. Purnami is 32 years old and has 2 girls named Ema and Emi. Her husband Made has his own driving business and hopefully we can all be supportive of each other. Having such a good relationship with a Penestanan family seems to give us some sort of a stronger bond and ties to the community. 

I’m not certain if this is just my imagination just yet but I’ll believe that for now.

Answer To Jude

Her question …. So lovely. What’s on the menu at Villa Tusk? Do you cook just as much ?

It’s funny looking back at the last month and observing how things have changed. Eating used to be such an important part of being in Bali. My time here in the past seemed to revolve around breakfast, lunch and dinner but this trip is very different insofar as food has taken on a new role in my life. I started by stocking up at the local organic farmer’s market and cooking most of our meals at home. This worked pretty well for the first 3 weeks and then my daughter arrived and we started meeting people and eating out more and more. The thing is that I enjoy going to a local “warung” (Balinese Food Shop) where you can spend a couple of dollars and have a simple feast but then there are all of these absolutely amazing vegan restaurants that are full of very “cool” people which becomes very tempting at times. So the short answer is that we are mixing it up. We might go to an “exotic” restaurant once every few days, a warung for lunch a couple of times a week and also cook some simple food at home. Overall I am eating pretty well and do my blood tests every couple of days and surprisingly I am always in a great place as far as blood sugar and ketones go. Most of the time my GKI is around 1 (BS 4 – KT 4) But that has its drawbacks as well because of the heat, sweating and the nature of ketones and electrolytes. I ended up getting a pretty bad dose of heat stroke last night (which has been slowly building up without me noticing it, apart from having a rash) because I hadn’t worked out that having high ketones here is quite different than in Australia. I wasn’t drinking enough water or having enough salt/electrolytes so I ended up having to have a carb day today plus bucketloads of electrolytes and liquids to balance things out. We’ve also been having a few very hot saunas and going on huge morning walks and I’ve not been replacing the lost liquids. Oh well, it’s all a learning experience and I’ll know how to handle things better in the future. Having said that, overall we are all feeling very healthy and full of energy.

The villa is coming together. Setting it up has been so much fun and it should be in a pretty good position to rent out by the time we leave … we’ll be back again for 6 weeks in August. I could write for pages and pages but I won’t. I’ll tell you about it when we get back to Melbourne’s pre-winter weather.

That is such good news about the RGCC result. I am so happy for you but that’s shitty about the veins. How did the ultrasound go? Maybe your naturopath at Wild Things can recommend some sort of herbal mix. How are your consults going with Miriam?

I’ll be back on May 21, we’ll have to get together and catch up.

Saturday May 14, 2022

In the same way that lifts in Thai hotels don’t have a 13th floor I left out my “defrag” for yesterday. I even started to do a bit of research about what it’s all about and like all of these old superstitions its roots seem a bit hazy.

Health

The point is that I did have my Friday 13th moment. It appears that I got heat exhaustion. I felt a bit dizzy and nauseous after our walk. Allissa and I went on a real big one. That on top of the very hot and long sauna on Thursday may have pushed me over the edge. I really must become more disciplined re salt and electrolytes. My ketones have been high the whole time. 

General

We’ve come to a precarious point in our Bali adventure mainly due to the time factor, finances and potential future plans. Anything that I look at in regard to the future has to be agreed upon and sanctioned by Georgie. We simply have to be on the same page. The other thing is that whatever we do cannot tie us down financially or create and problems for our future. I’ve always had my head in the clouds and get caught up in the idea refusing to believe that whatever we do will present us with problems. If there was no pressure too make money then it would be a completely different scenario. It’s a strange place to be. It certainly has to be a place that many entrepreneurs have been in …. ideas are easy to have but financing them at the appropriate level and scale is what will get them off the ground, out of the head and into the physical universe where they have to be in order to return more energy than needs to be put into them.

I am up against a brick wall when it comes to money. I simply do not have any so whatever I do has to be done like starting a small cash crop. Invest in some seeds, help them grow into plants, invest some of the money back into more seeds and infrastructure and keep a little bit to live off. It’s a place that I’ve been many times before and here I am at 70 facing it all over again. Bali at least has the potential of being a location where I can do this. A couple of reasons are that Bali is an island of beauty, an island that is still open to opportunity. All Bali needs is the rain and the sun and mother nature takes care of the rest. Is it the same with ideas? Possibly. But there are always those who succeed and those who fail and to put it simply, I cannot afford to fail.

One of my big problems is that I want things to happen straight away. I don’t want to wait. I am impatient. This is both a good quality and a bad one. There has to be some middle ground. That’s why we need both dreamers and pragmatists. Is it possible to have dreams and be pragmatic without conflict. Well I’m sure there is. I just don’t think I’ve discovered the secret of pulling this off yet. 

Thursday May 12, 2022

We are approaching our final week in Bali. It’s been 4 weeks on Monday which means we have been here for 24 days. which gives us 9 more nights in Bali.

Today was something of a breakthrough day for me. Exciting and initially daunting. I had a jam with a new friend who is also named Gary and who is also much the same vintage as me. I met Gary a couple of weeks ago at a lunch that Christine Hingston put on for us to meet some of the expat locals. It turned out that he is a keyboard player and also a singer and has a villa in Penestanan Kaja a relatively short walk from our place. He lives here with his wife Rosie as do his offspring and their families, a position that I would love to be in.

We were due too start at 1.30 p.m. I had bought my Yamaha Revstar guitar and Spark amp to Bali with the plan of leaving them at our villa for when I visited. The idea was to practise as much as I can and to find musicians who I am compatible with to play music with. Well, I hit the jackpot because it turns out that he is pretty damn good at keyboards, singing and composing and to make matters even better he’s got a pretty good groove that underlies his abilities.

I have to admit that I was a bit nervous before we started playing yesterday. You know, the type of nervousness one might feel when organising a blind date after a few years of being in social solitude. The moments when you don’t know how you are going to react to situations that you haven’t been in for years. But there was no need for any of this trepidation. Things worked out just fine. We just started playing music together like we had been doing it for years. One of those moments of relief when you realized that the other person was pretty damned good and the you hadn’t lost your own innate ability to communicate and play with a real live person. Jamming is all about the “quality of communication”, it’s the exact opposite to just spitting out a whole lot of words and hoping that you sound impressive. Really it’s about listening, taking tentative steps, working out what subjects can be comfortably discussed, not being scared to acknowledge what the other person has to say. It’s like any satisfying conversation that you’ve ever had and must include all aspects of communication including humility and restraint.

I can easily look back and say that we both did well and both came out of it with an awareness of the other person’s strong points. All in all that couple of hours playing music together was a genuine moment of creation that anybody would be happy to have experienced.

Wednesday May 11, 2022

It is one of those mornings when it seems that it will rain all day long. It’s a Melbourne sort of thing. A bit like some invisible faucet has been left open and has no way of closing on it’s own volition. The thing is that it almost tricked me into going back to bed without even looking at a clock and thinking that I was kidding myself that it was time to wake up and stay up.

I had a relatively decent nights sleep according to my Oura ring so I’m wondering why I feel so damn tired. I could quite easily get back under the sheets, close my eyes and fall fast asleep.

That moment of tiredness didn’t last long. I had purchased a monumental bunch of huge and exotic tropical flowers yesterday afternoon, some 1 metre long. I had picked up 2 really big glass vases last week at Reza. Georgie and I did a huge walk all the way down through the charming village of Sayan and ended up at the Sayan market, a traditional Balinese market that comes too life every morning at 5 a.m. This place/location has a special place in my heart and in our family history. When we stayed at Kori Agung in Penestanan over a quarter of a century ago our host Ari took Paul to a Babi Guling (suckling pig) food stand under the banyan tree outside the market. Paul was an adventurous kid both in his exploratory habits and the food he ate. I was a vegetarian back in those days and the idea of eating pig meat and body parts seemed repulsive but not to Paul. While Allissa, Georgie and I ran away and hid in the distance Paul and Ari sat under the banyan tree with their plates bursting with pig meat, fat and organs and devoured as much as they could. Every time I have driven or walked past this spot for the past 25 years I have recalled this particular moment when a 16 year old Paul explored the exotic culinary delights of Bali. I’ll always think of it as Paul’s banyan tree.

We walked back along the main Sayan road for a while but for anyone who has walked on the narrow pathways that double as footpaths in Bali knows this isn’t the safest or most stress free activity that one can indulge in. Georgie had found a laneway that headed back toward Penestanan which fortunately snaked its way past Manu Eco Village where we stopped to take in some window shopping. After we trekked on we finally joined “A” at Alchemy where she was getting her work done. I really indulged this morning when I devoured half a slice of lime cheese cake which wasn’t really all that sweet but which was still an intense experience for me. I checked my b blood sugar and ketones a bit later on and I was still in ketosis so it didn’t really impact me negatively.

Our next adventure took us to a new lifestyle/clothing/furniture/homewares and restaurant complex that is absolutely sensational. It is set in a very out of the way location a bit south of Ubud. Everything about this place is an aesthetic feat de resistance, everything is pretty much beautiful and has been placed in a perfectly harmoniously manner in relation to whatever is next to it. Some people just know how to get it right and this Greek entrepreneur furniture designer come design artist has pulled off a miracle. All I can say is “Well done!”.

We got back to the villa, has a decent lunch. “A” came back from work and we ended up eating a delicious dinner at Zest.

Tuesday May 10, 2022

Tuesday is almost over and I am writing my first words for the day. Do I look back in retrospect or do I go back to the beginning and start from there?

The day began late again at around 6.50 a.m. A decent walk with Georgie through the Penestanan rice fields, popped into a Gallery which featured contemporary work from all around Indonesia. I liked this gallery back in 2019 and I still like it now. We also dropped into a snappy hair dressing salon located where the Indus Pop Up was for the past few years.

At 1 p.m we had a meeting with our legal team and our ”new” accountant to clear up some issues that we have come up against with setting up our Pondok Wisata. The Indonesian and Balinese tax laws are somewhat daunting and the tax is significant at 21%. I had a 60 minute massage after the meeting and then went for a walk with Allissa to the flower shop located next to the Bintang. I’m going to show Purnami some ideas on what we should do with flower arrangements when we have guests. You wouldn’t believe what I got for $16. I’ll take some photographs tomorrow when I have done the arrangements in the huge vases that we purchased from Rezor last week.

By the time we had gotten back to the Villa our American friend Brenda had arrived with her new fiancé Carl. Another American who is 5 years younger than me. A great couple. We had a lazy chat on our front deck and then went for dinner just around the corner in our little village.

That was our day. Relatively non eventful.

Monday May 9, 2022

I slept in again until 7 a.m. There goes my hour of writing but I did get Georgie up before too long and we did go out for a long morning walk around Penestanan’s rice fields and gangs. 

It is 11.15 a.m now and our framer is delivering a heap of frames that we’ve been waiting for. The drill will be out this afternoon filling the walls with holes to create the visual chaos that I enjoy creating so much. This is all to the dismay of “A” and Georgie who seem to agree that I go overboard. We’ll see!

I need solitude to be able to let my thoughts flow freely, at this time of the day I almost find myself forcing myself to grunt the words out as if I am constipated. There is stuff in there to come out but it feels stuck.

Today is now almost over. “A”s workday came to an end at 3.30 p.m at which point we headed off to Parq for a sauna. It looks like we spent around 5 hours there. The saunas are fantastic, as of this Thursday we will also be able to indulge in a bit of hot and cold therapy when they open up their ice bath. For now it is only Thursday afternoons which means we will be able to indulge in 2 big sessions before we head back to the antipodes. I’m over my fascination with Parq now after about 4 forays into its alien landscape. My only reason for visiting now is the gym and the saunas. Yes, there are still heaps of pretty Russian girls and men roaming around which seems very exotic but it is an artificial environment that seems out of place in Ubud. It is simply what it is …. progress and an attempt to make some money. The other thing that I was disabused of this evening was any desire to eat there again, our dinner experience took any future desire off the cards. The food was pretty mundane, plain and undesirable.

I got some more hanging done this afternoon. Komang dropped of an assortment of framed prints and artworks in the middle of the day. The villa is shaping up more and more as each day passes.

Tomorrow we will need to work out our security and what we can do to make the perimeter wall a bit higher so we can leave the villa open during the day and night plus lighting for the gang (laneway) and garden. We also need to plan how to fix up heaps of little defects like toilet seats, door bolts, plumbing etc.

Sunday May 8, 2022

I got up a bit later this morning around 6.30 a.m. Georgie had decided to sleep in so “A” and I were out the front gate before 7 a.m on a long walk to Parq, the new lifestyle village that has been built north of Ubud and it inhabited by good looking Russians. Beautiful gyms, saunas, gorgeous restaurants and loads of slender, well honed Russian beauties both male and female. It’s a bit like a dream after walking through the busy early morning market streets just outside Ubud bustling with Balinese locals buying and selling fruit, veggies, flower petals and other necessities. Motor scooters blocking the streets with a joyous and pragmatic chaos that looks natural in Asia.

The walk was quite long but I really wanted to show “A” the complex with it’s great saunas and gym. 

Mission accomplished and now we are back at the Villa drinking bullet proof coffee and all of us doing some sort of digital work …. banking, writing …. you know that sort of stuff that one just takes for granted in this digital age.

It’s almost 10 a.m and we have an open page ahead of us today. Our only commitment is getting money for Komang and being here when she delivered our framing.

We went to Zest for dinner last night. We all enjoyed our meals but Georgie may have ordered the wrong thing. Pizza at a vegan restaurant does not mean the rich, yeasty, crunchy  treat you get at a Pizza Shop in Melbourne. The coconut inspired crust and mock cheddar cheese made from some sort of cashew paste plus the raw veggies on top doesn’t really inspire the same decadence that an Italian Pizza does. At least my keto kale salad was what it was supposed to be, the wasabi sauce gave it a delicious kick. “A” had a bowl called Bangkok Bang which she loved.

It’s quiet back at the villa. A few roosters crowing and not much else but it is Sunday morning.

We’ve come to a bit of a standstill with the villa as we are waiting for money to transfer from Australia and cannot get any deliveries until we have the money to pay.

The next priority that I have is to bring our AirBnB page and website up to date and as relevant as possible so we can attract more bookings.

This week I am buying a beautiful handmade journal from Christine and Tim’s collection. The idea is to handwrite all of my posts re my cancer experience in some sort of time sequence. I wrote a whole lot of words throughout that period that I have not as yet revisited so apart from anything else it will be interesting to look at reactions, emotions, thoughts, fears etc in a new light. It’s a bit different being smack bang in the middle of something as opposed to having some definite objectivity. Maybe this will help me get moving with the project that I have been talking about for some time. This project is to write some sort of book on the transformation that I went through over the past 3 years.

Apart from anything else I’ll also need to put a bit of time and energy into writing down a few ideas that are brewing in regard to making some money.

Last thought for tonight. Music is a powerful ingredient to take you to places from your past. It might be from a few days ago or it may be decades. Today I have been listening to a wonderful saxophonist named Yusef Lateef who I first discovered way back in the very early years of the 1970s. I was playing in a band with Joe Camelliri at the time, I was probably around 19 years old. Joe lived in an apartment just off Acland St in StKilda and I loved visiting and listening to the Jazz records that he had in his collection. Up until then I hadn’t really explored Jazz in any depth so it was a completely new genre to be exposed to. One of the first pieces he played me was John Coltrane’s album “Ascensions”. This one was really a bit too extreme for my senses and musical vocabulary at that point in time and to be honest it sounded like a cacophony of discordant notes and beats. I may have pretended to enjoy it but it finally took Miles Davis’s “Bitches Brew” to open the door to this new musical experience. One of the albums that Joe owned was a 1961 album called “Eastern Sounds” by Yusef Lateef. This album really appealed to me because it had a blues influence and was very, very melodic. I would take the albums home and record them onto tape on a reel to reel tape machine that my father owned. I must have listened to “Eastern Sounds” a lot back then because revisiting it over these past few days has had a wonderful sense of familiarity that conjures up feelings and memories from this point in my life. Almost like hopping into a time machine and being transported back. The thing that struck me was the realisation of what an amazing decade that the 1970s was for me. So may things happened, so many changes, transitions and new experiences, so many people came and went in my life. It was the decade that I took a sharp left hand turn on the “road of life” and discovered a whole network of roads, streets and back alleys that I never had conceived could have existed.

Saturday May 7, 2022

“A” has arrived and we’ve just got back to the villa after a big walk, a social adventure, some shopping and lunch … all powered by the calf muscles.

Her entry into Bali was pretty much 100% smooth. made and Purnami met her at the airport and they got back to the villa at around midnight. I was asleep by then so I didn’t see her until 6.15 this morning.

I’ve got another massage booked for 2 p.m and then “A” has one booked for 3 p.m. 

I got some good shopping done at Moksa Market where I am becoming a local. I’ve got a heap of veggies a bit of fruit and 2 large bottles of coconut oil. One cold pressed for internal use and the other for cooking.

Our social visit consisted of running into Rosie on the track and then dropping in to their Villa Metta on the way home. It’s a great house. A bit bigger than ours and pretty damn grand but I think that overall I still prefer ours, especially for the purpose that we bought it for. I’m going to have a jam before we go back. Gary is a keyboard player. I think we may be kindred spirits to some degree. He was pretty easy to be myself with.

I’ve had my massage and so has Lis. It’s been a lazy afternoon after a somewhat halcyon morning spiced with quite a bit of walking.

Villa Tusk

We arrived back at Villa Tusk which is located in the village of Penestanan in late April 2022 after being locked out of Bali since February 2020 due to the Covid pandemic. During those 2 years what was Joglo Putih morphed into Villa Tusk and over the past 2 weeks we have been lovingly tweeking the space with artwork, artefacts, furniture, plants and other bibs and bobs that together create our signature look and make the space cohesively ours.

Our goal is to create a special space for ourselves that we love and feel at home in that we can also share with guests from all around the planet. The contents and creation of the house are all very personal, some have been gathered on our travels around the world, others have been painstakedly searched out in Bali, other pieces are from Java and other Indonesian islands, some are from Australia. As is the case with any of our abodes the end result is unexpected and eclectic, interesting and unique. The space we are creating is like an old pair of shoes that fit so well that putting them on is comforting  and reassuring. Like anything that is special there are flaws and imperfections that make the space inviting, unique and exciting. 

We want to be able to unlock the door and instantly feel that we are at home. We aimed to imbue the villa with the love and enthusiasm that we feel as we create it.

As we get closer to completing our very special project it feels like it has been part of our life for decades which in actual fact it has been. It was 1983 when I first arrived at Hotel Tjampuhan just a few minutes walk away from where our villa is now located in Penestanan, just west of Ubud. Our love affair with Bali as a couple goes back to 1997 when we stayed at Kori Agung at the top of the Penestanan stairs leading up from the village of Tjampuhan where it all began. This is the location that we are always drawn back to time and time again.

Ironically Penestanan has evolved into a well balanced centre for Vegan food, yoga, massage and other holistic life events and experiences. It has its roots in Bali’s spiritual and artistic history. All within walking distance is the very best of what Bali has to offer culturally, environmentally and historically. You can almost feel the ghosts of the ancient Javanese priests and the European artists, bohemians and adventurers who indelibly left their stamp on this magical and intriguing part of the world.

We are so over the moon to be able to call Villa Tusk our Balinese home and to offer some of the inspiration, pleasure, memories and experience that we have derived from this amazing location over the past 4 decades.

Friday May 6, 2022

I got up at about 6 a.m this morning while it was still quite dark. The big challenge today is to co-ordinate with Finn to get the bags packed and to get to Allissa’s at 1.30 p.m to drive her to the airport. She will arrive at the airport in Denpasar just before 10 p.m and should be back to the villa by 12.

All of my metrics were good this morning when I checked on my Oura app. Good sleep, good activity and good readiness. So all is well in the world of my body.

Something has gone wrong with our money transfers which is now holding up the whole forward movement of the villa decoration. We can’t get anything delivered until our money arrives from Australia but for some reason it is taking forever.

We have another 2 weeks in Bali so I’m thinking that everything should go fine and the place will be ready for our guests who arrive while we are in Australia. I’ve got a bit of tweaking to do today to get the AirBnB site looking a bit better as well as hanging more artwork on the walls.

Wednesday May 4, 2022

Some of the magic dust that had sprinkled on to me when I arrived in Bali has washed off but I’m certain that there is more waiting to fall down upon me pretty soon. I have grown so used to waking up and bounding out of bed with joy at 6 a.m that yesterday took me by surprise. I’m assuming that some of my unresolved past was stirred up a little like there sediment on the bottom of a clear pond. Things have gotten a bit murky and I feel a slight sense of some old despondency lurking in the shadows. The worrying night about Finn on Saturday night shook me up a bit more than I ever thought possible. As I said there had been more than 20 years of this sort of worry and often unresolved mystery with Paul. I got so used to it that I really believed that it was a normal state to be in. One of constant worry and fear of impending loss. 

That’s how I felt when I woke up this morning after having one of my “Paul Dreams”, a bit flat, a bit questioning whether bounding out of bed before the sun came up was really a good idea after all, a bit weighed down by some sort of invisible mental mass that has the same consistency as lead.

10.30 a.m

Most of that negative stuff soon goes away when you head off into the rice fields and look up into the sky at the big white clouds, blue sky and verdant green fields. It rained quite heavily before we set off which freshened everything up. Georgie found a new track this morning to walk back to Sanginggam, oh shit I’ve always had trouble with pronouncing and spelling the name of that village which is just up the road from Tjampuhan. BTW I spell it (Tjampuhan) that way because that’s how it was spelt back in 1983 when we first arrived. In Bahasa the c is pronounced the same as “Tj” or “ch” (like in children) so now it is quite common to spell it Campuan. The walk this morning wasn’t that long because Georgie had a builder, recommended by Christine and Tim, coming by at 10 a.m to give us some quotes on repairing some of the faults that our original builder had left. But we did have a coffee at one of the small hotels on the walk.

Today’s plan is to hang as many paintings as possible. I’ve got my new drill and bits and pieces to get this moving. Then hopefully another massage with Wayan for both Georgie and me and dinner at Hotel Tjampuhan where the last meal I had there was in 1987 when we stayed there with the Davies family.

“A” rang at around 7 a.m and we had a long talk. If all goes as planned she will arrive on Thursday or Friday. Still a few hoops to jump through.

I’ve started hanging the paintings. My $40 drill is working better than expected and drilling deep holes into the concrete walls. I’ve got a lot more to go but so far so good and the paintings are looking great.

Tuesday May 3, 2022

I don’t really feel like writing this morning. These words appeared on my screen soon after 6 a.m. The next thing I can recall now was thinking I might have covid and deciding to return to the security of the mosquito screen around our king sized bed then waking up after 11 a.m, 5 hours later. This was the first time I have felt this way since arriving in Bali more than 2 weeks ago. I listened to my body and it answered with “get more sleep”.

When I finally woke up I felt a great need to test everything I could. Blood Pressure – perfect. Blood Sugar and Ketones – more than perfect. RAT – negative. Oxygen – a wee bit down but OK. Body Temperature – perfect. That pretty much confirmed that I was OK and that it was more than likely an issue with electrolytes/salt or I just needed to catch up after a relatively strenuous 2 weeks of walking almost every morning for 2 hours.

We had a lunch date organised at Christine and Tim Hingston’s house at 1.30 p.m so now that I realized that I wasn’t going to infect everybody with the plague I could get dressed and get organised to trek to their villa in the midday sun. All in all their were 10 guests including Tim Christine, Georgie and I. All living in Bali full or part time. A couple of American ladies who were about my age. An Australian couple named Gary and Rosie from Newtown in Sydney who have been on the road for about a decade.and a couple who have a house just being finished off up the road from Christine’s but who currently work in Jakarta and Jogjakarta. They all had interesting stories about their lives and travels but when you reach this age that is to be expected isn’t it. Bali was what we all had in common. Overall it was a pleasant lunch and a gratifying way to spend the afternoon. I finished off with a massage in Penestanan at about 6.30 and then came home and made dinner. It’s now 9 p.m and pretty much time to hit the sack.

Monday May 2, 2022

Bali must be doing me some good. I’m getting really good sleep. Loads of walking, saunas, pretty good food … mainly cooked at home, hardly any stress, sunshine, quality time with Georgie. My glass is 7/8 full.

The wonder and glory of being in Bali isn’t wearing off. I’m hardly ever bored. From the moment I wake to the moment I go to sleep I am genuinely contented most of the time and ecstatic at others.

Today we are back into work mode. In 3 hours we will be on the road to Kerobokan to buy pots, statues, vases, lights for the garden and other assorted items that we need for our villa. It’s such a different Bali than it was 40 years ago, even 25 years ago. I don’t yearn for those times because if you look hard enough what I loved then is still here now, you just have to look a bit deeper.

It rained last night which gives the morning a freshness which is enhanced by the tingling reflection of the morning sun onto the spots where water has pooled on the ground and on leaves of the plants.

That’s why I love Bali so much. It’s the beauty that permeates an island located on the equator that gets equal amounts of light and dark each day and enough rain and sunshine to make pretty much anything grow. Nature does the rest. The natural beauty inspires the creativity of the people. Oh, how lucky it was that I discovered this aspect of Bali so many years ago and just a few hundred metres from where I am sitting right now.

Sunday May 1, 2022

It’s almost 2 weeks since Georgie and I arrived in Bali and until now our time has been idyllic.

Last night we tried contacting Finn on Facebook messenger as it’s his method of choice when it comes to communication even though he’s promised time and time again to download WhatsApp.

The problem is that when it comes to one’s offspring mystery is akin to superglue. It sticks you to whatever it is that you have your attention stuck on and at times it rips all the joy out of life as you dub in various scenarios that might explain why you cannot get in touch.

I had 24 years of this stress with Paul and to be quite honest I have simply forgotten over the past 10 years what a horrible feeling uncertainty about the safety of a loved one is like and the havoc that it can reek on your attitude toward life.

Looking back on that period now and all the scares that I had over the years it is easy to understand how and why I got addicted to alcohol. Now that I have the luxury of having handled that horrible addiction I can almost poke the bear and explore my solution to the problem that dictated my life for decades.

Fast forward to this morning and my reaction to Finn not being contactable and my response I can see how easy it is to let your mind create scenarios that probably are not correct but which can rip your heart apart at the same time. Because your attention is so stuck on one thought, one problem, all of the pleasure and wonder that surrounds you

goes unnoticed and your attention becomes fixed on filling the void.

The good news is that he has now answered his phone and all is well but now I have to still get rid of the toxic feeling of poisoning myself with strange hormones that the body creates in response to these scenarios. I just wrote to somebody who was also worried. 

“All is well. I finally spoke to Finn a few minutes ago. He was half asleep and asked me to ring back later BUT the point is that he’s OK. I went through 20 years of stress with not being able to get through to Paul and worrying myself sick. I had forgotten how much this feeling/worry can rip your heart apart and fill your mind with anguish. Now I have to put my attention back on all the good things in life and how wonderful it is. A good lesson …. but one that I don’t want to have to re-visit too often.”

I had never thought about it through the lens of the body creating certain hormones in response to the “crisis”.

It’s 12.15 now and I’ve made a couple of simple but delicious omlettes for lunch. I did another big shop up at the organic farmer’s market yesterday so out larder is stocked up. After the initial drama from this morning has turned into an idyllic Sunday morning in our own personal heaven I am feeling very content and happy. Out framers Komang and her husband, Komang delivered almost all of our big canvases that she has framed for us this morning. Some are framed and others are just stretched but whichever way you look at it it’s great to have our own artwork to hang on the walls.

Now I’m sitting at my new desk/workspace with Leon Thomas singing about his “China Girl”, I’ve found some great 70s jazz on Spotify, Roland Kirk, Les McCann, Ahmad Jamal. perfect music for a lazy morning at our villa in Bali.

Saturaday April 30, 2022

I’ve just realized that I have been calling the days by the wrong date for the past week. That’s what happens when you are in Bali. It doesn’t matter anymore really. The sun rises and the sun eventually goes down. We can’t even define our mornings by breakfast anymore that we don’t eat until between 12.30 and sometimes 3 p.m. Apart from the few moments of temptation at The Parq yesterday when the smells of the exquisite bakeries wafted across to our senses. We were like bulwarks during a siege and resisted the temptation. But I’ve got to say the pastries and cakes smelt absolutely delicious.

The Moksa Market is on again today. I still have quite a bit of food in the refrigerator from last week but will need to top up with a few items. I know where to find Made’s organics during the week now.

Another thing that I did yesterday was to go back to the dentist at The Mansion. She was very, very helpful and twisted another wire along the very thin wire that Chris had put in. The idea is to strengthen it so I don’t have it popping off when pressure is applied. This has changed the overall dynamic in my mouth so I ended up with cut-up inner cheeks last night and a greater sense of a full mouth of metal. I even had to take a couple of pain killers.

Pretty much all of the Moslem run businesses in Bali closed yesterday to prepare for Ramadan or to travel to their home in some other part of Indonesia. It’s going to be a bit of a challenge getting much done at the villa over the next 2 weeks although we will be able to get the artwork hung, the gardening done, stone pots and statues purchased and located in their correct positions at the villa and some of the artistic renovations to the doors and wall panels. Maybe we should take this as a sign to have a holiday and start planning some activities that don’t involve work. I’ll talk to Georgie about this on our walk this morning. Possibly even a couple of days in Ulawatu, sauna’ing at The Parq and spending time with Allissa if all goes to plan and she gets to Bali smoothly on Wednesday.

We still have an awe inspiring list of tasks to get done before we leave Bali on May 21. But coming back to the present. It is now time to wake Georgie up and cajole her into getting out of bed and hitting the walking paths of Penestanan and Ubud.

I did find some double sided tape yesterday as well as some pretty strong hanging adhesive pads that can hold up to 3 kgs.

It’s now a few hours later and we’ve been on a big walk for about 2 hours plus I’ve done our shopping at Moksa Farmers Market. Now it’s time for lunch and then we are going to the framing workshop to check out their handiwork. If all goes well after that we will go to Parq and spend a few hours in their big, lush and very hot saunas.

It’s almost time for bed now. We ended up spending a lot more time at our framers than expected so we didn’t have enough time to go to the sauna at the Russian Wonderland. There’s always tomorrow. I did have a 60 minute Balinese massage though at our local massage shop. The girl who did it had just started today after 12 years at a massage shop near Monkey Forest but Covid wiped out their business. her name is Wayan and she is fantastic. The massage was very therapeutic, for $10 an hour I will definitely be returning for more.

After I got back I decided that we would go out for dinner. We ended up at a japanese Restaurant just up the road from Alchemy and a few minutes walk from home. Georgie had a couple of glasses of wine and some sushi and I had a bowl of salad with some salmon. Nothing to write home about and =it cost as much as all the shopping that I did this morning at Moksa Market. This says a lot for eating at home doesn’t it!

We’ve been trying to get onto Finn for a while. It’s curious what an unanswered phone can do to one’s stress levels. For me there is a long history going back decades with Paul. OMG I can’t even start thinking about all the times I panicked over the years trying to get onto Paul at home, overseas, in all sorts of locations all around the world. We are communicating with Finn via Messenger and he’s not answering. I have to learn to stay calm and just accept that everything will more than likely be OK. I need to take a look at this area of my life as it will become an issue if we are in Bali and I am freaking out every time the phone doesn’t get answered.

Friday April 29, 2022

Bali’s dry season has just begun which means that the temperature has become somewhat milder and seems to sit around the high 20s at its peak. Dry season runs between April and October with the coolest period being in August. This morning is surprisingly mild. You couldn’t call it cold but there is a tiny fresh breeze coming through the doors at 6.30 a.m in the morning. The sun will raise its head up soon and the temperature will slowly rise throughout the day. 

It is a perfect morning for a walk. All I have to do now is to wait patiently for Georgie to lift her head off the pillow and say :”Good morning darling” and then about 45 minutes later we will be hitting the asphalt. The plan this morning is to take a long walk up one of the many ridges that run along the rivers and streams that cascade down from the mountains. We did this ridge walk a bout a week ago, it’s around about 2 streams up from the Tjampuhan Ridge and in some ways is a more pleasant and interesting walk. What appeals to me this morning is buying a packet of freshly grown vanilla from an old man who sells herbs about an hour up the hill. he told me he grows it himself so I’ll believe him for now.

We are easing in to Bali life, becoming accustomed to rubber time. Something happens in Bali whereby tasks can be put off until tomorrow without feeling any stress or remorse. Each day rolls into the next and you quickly realise that there is no need to try to fit everything into one day. Maybe you start to appreciate this lifestyle more when you are older, I’m not certain but I can assure you that I am feeling quite relaxed and in no hurry to do anything in particular.

None of this means that we aren’t achieving a lot at our villa. The progress is better than can be expected and we are both feeling happier with what we have created every day. Some of the furniture we are getting has been slowed down due to Ramadam. Most of the Moslems working in Bali go home to Java during Ramadan and Idul Fitri which means production stops. I may be wrong but it appears that most of the business entrepreneurs and innovators in Bali are from Java as are the workers who toil on building sites creating beautiful homes for wealthy westerners. The Balinese men seem more consumed with their roosters, sitting around chatting, preparing for temple ceremonies and the auspicious activities. I’ll look more into this apparency over the coming weeks. The point is that Georgie and I have to simply accept that there will be periods of “quietness” over the coming weeks. I’m OK with this as I feel confident that by the time we come back in early August the villa will be looking just as we always envisaged it.

We will have quite a lot of our artwork on the walls though. Our framer Komang is going great guns with the canvases and some of the picture framing while our friend Okta is also making more rustic frames which we will use to adorn our walls and create a sense of personality for the villa. I am also buying a uniquely beautifully crafted Balinese antique door which we will put on the wall in our bedroom, placed so it can be seen from the dining room to give a sense of depth when you enter through the front door of the villa.

One of my upcoming challenges is dealing with a very Balinese problem that has reared it’s ugly head. It is so convoluted that even I find it difficult to understand and in many ways has nothing to do with us but at the same time it will impact us.

The pervious owner of Villa Tusk, then known as Joglo Putih sold us her lease in November 2019 after 10 years of owning it herself. We had touched base over the decades in Australia and even though we were never close she was an acquaintance. I like her a lot. In recent times our lawyer has been working on getting us a permit to run a guest house.  Apart from costing us thousands of dollars this opens up disclosing past ommissions like unpaid taxes etc. Most of the legals are in the name of the land owner whose name is made Kastiono. This is simply the way things are done in Bali. The legal name of the document to run a guest house is a Pondok Wisata. Liz had one of these and yes, it was in Kastiono’s name and yes, she did rent her house out from time to time over the prior ten years. This opens the door to back taxes which were never addressed at the time of our deal with her. To be honest nobody even thought of this as a possibility at the time. When our lawyer approached the Balinese authorities to apply for our Pondok Wisata which BTW will also be in the name of Made Kastiono he was told that Kastiono owed 10 years of back taxes on renting out the villa! You can imagine what his response was. So the question is “Who owes the tax?” Liz sure doesn’t want to pay it, Kastiono definitely will not pay it and we have to have it paid in order to get the new Pondok Wisata through the bureaucratic channels of the Balinese government. I wrote to Liz explaining the situation but unfortunately she doesn’t see it as her problem. Should I rock the boat and push a bit harder or just scrape together some more of our dwindling funds and pay it ourselves. This is an option but one that I do not see as being equitable. I’ll put this aside for now so we can go for a stress free walk and then I will take a look at it a bit later in the day. 

And therein lies the basis of most of the problems of the human race. Disagreements about ownership and commitments, an unwillingness to assume responsibility for one’s own past actions by stacking multitudinous justifications like topping on a pizza. This is the root cause of family disputes, neighbourly disagreements, wars and other unsavoury activities. Ah, how us humans love to make simple things complex in order to take the pressure off ourselves.

We have just returned from our walk. It’s now 10.45. I have a shimmer of perspiration all over my body and also a shimmer of joy emanating from “my” spirit A.K.A Me. The walk up the particular ridge we traversed this morning is one of my favourite. I purchased fresh vanilla beans, vanilla essence, fresh cinnamon sticks and cold pressed coconut oil from my new friend, Nyoman Karta who grows his own herbs and spices on a small piece of LAND OPPOSITE HIS SHOP. HIS WIFE MAKES THE VANILLA ESSENCE AND PRESSES THE COCONUT OIL WHICH I HAVE ALREADY KNOCKED BACK A COUPLE OF SWIGS OF.

Parq Ubud

On their website they call Parq “A City of the Future”. A somewhat flawed city it may be but also magnificent in a kitsch and over the top way. Artwork everywhere, big framed canvases … some original and some copies but all bigger than Ben Hur, giant staircases, old airplanes hanging from the ceiling, walls 10 metres high beautiful adorned in perfect squares of antique pressed metal from decaying Dutch mansions in Java, huge walkways reminiscent of the streets of Beijing with a pool so long that you might drown swimming from one end to another, A huge Russian sauna that is set at 75 degrees celsius and a Finnish sauna set at around 60. Ice baths and Hammams are on the way, a beautiful out of this world spa, accomodations, co-working workspaces, restaurants, bakeries, gift shops, clothing shops. This place is grandly impressive and absurd all at once.

And it’s a few minutes from the centre of Ubud. In some ways arriving at Parq was like walking through the wardrobe doors and entering Narnia, a truly different world than the Ubud that I am used to. A world inhabited by Russian travellers of all ages, shapes and sizes but mostly pretty damn buff and good looking.

The restaurants are grand and impressive, the shared work spaces are eclectic and have a great deal of potential, artworks adorn all out every square inch of every wall, the saunas are clean, huge and look and feel amazing. 

We only spent about 30 minutes exploring as our purpose for visiting was to check out the saunas and overall spa facilities.

This “City of the Future” is a few kilometres up Jalan Suweta, one of Ubud’s main roads across the river ravine from where Ocky’s villas are located. Not something that you would expect in Ubud but it’s there and in your face.

I wish there were ice baths but that will have to wait. The saunas are ready to use now and I will be indulging as soon as is humanly possible. It costs about $15 Aust for a whole day which based on the quality of the saunas is a fabulous deal.

Honestly, after being there for a few minutes I forgot where I was! Going to Parq is a bit like dying and arriving in heaven, you know the trumped up one with pearly gates and Saint Peter hanging out to pass his judgment.

I will try to write more about this unique location in the coming weeks.

Thursday April 28, 2022

My 3 trips up the Penestanan Steps yesterday morning deceptively caught up with me last night when I became aware of muscles in my legs, arms and back that I had long ago forgotten about. So when I opened my eyes this morning and felt my body lying like a sack of potatoes on our beautiful king sized bed I made a hasty decision to close my eyes again and went back into a deep slumber until 7.15 a.m at which point thoughts clicked over and I made the decision to fill our big, deep sunken bathtub set in the deck of our outdoor bathroom attached to bedroom 1. I dragged out my bluetooth speaker and kindle, put on some peaceful music and opened up A House In Bali by Colin McPhee and read about the idiosyncrasies of building a house in Bali in the 1930s just down the road in Sayan. We have actually stayed in the location and I must say, it is truly magnificent in its grandeur and natural beauty. All that was missing in my bathtub this morning were flower petals so I started planning where I could possibly buy some for my next bath experience.

Fortunately Georgie’s design is almost perfect. She’s not really a bath person but she lives with 2 extremists who are both connoisseurs of a fine bathtub which must have rubbed off on her.

We’ve been working Made and his car hard for the past 2 days so today we must pull it back and just do a couple of short local trips to order our large antique mirror (from a business called railroad) for above the 2 hand basins that were also formed out of concrete by our builders. We also need to visit a shop in Angon which is close to railroad to look at outdoor furniture and hopefully find a chopping board.

The other activity on the agenda today will be a make the short trip to the majestic Hotel Tjampuhan where I stayed 3 times throughout the 1980s. This is where I first fell in love with Bali almost 40 years ago. It is literally 5 minutes walk from Villa Tusk on the border of the 2 villages of Tjampuhan and Penestanan. The land is owned by the King of Ubud and back in the 1930s was the home of  the German artist Walter Spies who the then King met in Jogjakarta and convinced to come to Ubud to help turn it into the cultural and artistic heartland of Bali. Between them and a few other artists and creative Westerners and Balinese they pulled this  off. The gardens of Tjampuhan are exquisite and its location cannot be surpassed.

We will ask them to allow us to take a look at the restaurant where I ate many meals all this years ago and to let us wander around the garden paths to reminisce about our earlier trips. Georgie wants to have some reflexology which I’m good with and I need to do some cooking a bit later. I’d also like to set up my guitar and amp today. Maybe upstairs for now or in the small free standing bedroom.

We hit the road with Made at 11.30 and have just arrived back to the villa now at 3 p.m. We got the big antique mirror ordered. What they do is salvage pressed tin interior roofs in Java and use the pressed tin to wrap around a frame. The effect is amazing. The one we really loved was sold out so we are getting a lucky dip. 

While we were at Railroad we met a Western Australian named Barry who was in much the same situation as us. He purchased a villa in Seminyak just as lockdown started in Australia back in 2020 and has been stuck there ever since. He was an interesting guy. 58 years old, in love with Bali, fabulous Japanese inspired legs “tatts” and a serious collector of antique children’s pedal cars. Maybe we can touch base with him again at some stage. Nice guy.

After Railroad we dropped into YuYus in Angon. We chose a few items here in 2020 but looking at them now I wondered what I was thinking. Then to the Sayan Market to purchase a mortar and pestle to crush my spices with. We had lunch with Made at the Indonesian Warung in Kedewatan. Indo food, Indo prices. Enak (delicious in Bahasa).

I dropped the bloody mortar and pestle and broke the pestle on the way back to the villa! Not too hard to replace and I still have enough stone to uncomfortably crush herbs, garlic and chilli.

We tweaked a few more things at the villa this morning. Moved a big table inside to use as a workspace in the living room, moved the side table behind one of the day beds, used a few more of our left over cement tiles in the kitchen. Slowly, slowly or pelan pelan as they say in Bahasa.

Our framing is now well underway and it’s looking like it may be back by the weekend. This is exciting and what a difference it will make for the walls of the villa. Even the Rajasthani wall hangings that Georgie sent across from Australia look amazing now that they are framed and all of the canvases that I painstakingly took off their stretcher bars to transport to Bali and now re-stretched. Very Zen.

We finished the day off with a quick trip to Zest where I had a drink called Cacao Ceremony which is made from 95% pure cacao, whipped coconut cream, chilli and nutmeg. You have to eat it with a spoon, it is bitter but delicious. In theory it’s almost OK for me to have on keto but really I’m not certain. I may be kidding myself. Georgie had a rosè. Zest is generally full of very hip, beautiful and groovy instagram type travellers who seem, to come there to be seen but I don’t care. It makes me feel like I’m part of some hip scene that may be a bit artificial but it’s something I don’t have in Mooroolbark. Then there was a quick trip to the massage place next to Murni’s where we had to wait for the staff to arrive so we went for a walk down to the Wos River where there was a very muscle bound half naked man standing in the water trying to look very spiritual with 2 dogs staring admiringly at him. We finally got our hour long foot massage which for me unfortunately was like what I get from Georgie when she is half asleep on our couch at home but it only cost $9 so who am I to complain.

Finally we came back to the villa where I cooked dinner which turned out to be delicious but unfortunately hard to eat due to my braces playing up.

Another day in paradise…….

Wednesday April 27, 2022

I woke up before 6 a.m but slumbered for a while. By the time I got up at 6.20 the day had well and truly started. It looks like I am going out on my own this morning. I stupidly bought Georgie a small bottle of Rose at the Bintang last night when I popped in to go to the ATM and I fear that she may not have slept as well. My plan, which may change, is to walk to the bottom of the Penestanan Kaja stairs and run up and down a few times. I’m planning on seeing what a bit of HIIT can achieve or if I am even capable of doing it.

The plan for today is to set off early and go to the stone shop in Kerobokan before then making our way to the east coast to visit Rod and Carolyn for lunch. Georgie is pretty excited about this. Originally they were going to visit us at our villa but something has come up with their house build that needs their attention. I had even planned to cook lunch for them but that ain’t gonna happen anymore.

I’ve got a cup of Kratom tea in front of me this morning instead of a coffee. This may be a good idea or conversely a bad one, I’ll talk about the effects later.

8.30 a.m – Well, I did go for my walk and I did run up the Penestanan Steps 3 times. The first run up was easy and I wondered what I had been thinking about over the years thinking that it was a strenuous experience going up to Penestanan. The problem was that I tricked myself and after 3 trips up I got a bit shaky and realized that it was hard for me. A bit like when you lift a light weight once compared to 30 times. The point is that I did it and it’s something I can continue doing to prepare for my trek up the 1000 Steps when I turn 100.

Georgie is still in bed and I’ve been clunking around making coffee and cleaning up. I just did something really, really silly. Our gas stove has a glass cover that you can pull down when you aren’t using the stove to cook. After I brewed my coffee I inadvertently left the gas jet on and pulled the glass down. Yep, you got it. The bloody thing exploded all over the kitchen. I got the fright of my life. Small fragments of glass everywhere. It always amazes me to observe the difference between order and chaos. A beautiful sheet of glass can become a real mess when the wrong conditions are applied to it. I’ve cleaned up most of the mess, maybe I’ll leave what’s left for Purnami.

Being out this morning gave me a fresh perspective on the overall beauty of Penestanan. There is quite a difference between Penestanan Kelod and Penestanan Kaja which is near Kori Agung where we stayed a quarter of a century ago. Yes, it’s changing but not in some gross way. For example back in 1996 when we first stayed at Kori Agung we could walk through the rice fields pretty much all the way to Sayan. This has now been built on but they’ve done it just right. Penestanan has a lot to offer as a destination for a tourist. Lots to discover, lots of small gangs (laneways) that are both interesting and naturally delightful. The jungle is still there and waiting to reclaim any bit of land that is left to lie untouched by human hands for any short period.

Continuing Ocky’s story

After introductions we were invited to sit near the pool at Taman Sakti. The villas are built overlooking a jungle ravine and have the feel that they have been here for some time. We spoke about different things and then Ocky told us the story of how he became the owner of Taman Sakti.

I may not have all the details perfectly as he told them to me so please forgive me in advance. Ocky was born in Sumatra around 1969. His dad was an architect and it appears that the family was quite well off. At some point they moved to Jakarta which was when Ocky’s larger than life personality started to shine. When he was 17 his Mum organised for him to move to Belgium where he has 3 aunts. I’m not certain how long he lived there but it was at least several years. Ocky’s wife is from Bandung in Java. Sometime around 2012 he talked her into coming to live in Bali. His earlier experience had been in event management and hospitality so when he arrived in Bali he set up a warung (food shop) preparing and selling Sumatran meals. This became a success. Other projects followed until the family finally arrived in Ubud around 2017. Ocky was looking for employment and came across Taman Sakti which is north from Ubud up a road that starts at the Ubud Royal Palace called Jalan Suweta. He met an Australian lady named Heather who appeared to be the manager of the Villas. She was so impressed with him that she offered him the job of assistant manager. Ocky was excited. He was in Ubud with his wife and 6 year old son, he had a job and the future looked bright. This is where things became interesting. He turned up for work the next day and there was no sign of Heather. There were guests at the hotel so Ocky took the reins while scratching his head wondering where the hell Heather had got to. After frantically trying to contact his new boss for around 10 days he finally discovered that she had absconded to Australia at the behest of her daughter who insisted that she return for medical reasons. Ocky’s problem was that even though the villas had guests Heather had the money. So there he was in his new place of work with guests, a potential future but no money.

The next discovery turned his world upside down. Heather didn’t own Taman Sakti! She was looking after it for a wealthy Australian man named David who had built it for his wife who was now his ex wife. The plot thickens.

Ocky finally started communicating with David who turned out not to be interested in any active involvement with the villas. David offered Ocky the role of manager but being the entrepreneur that he truly is Ocky blurted out that he would like to buy Taman Sakti from David and pay in instalments. Amazingly David agreed and Ocky became the proud owner of his own villas in Ubud, Bali. There is another twist to the story. At some point a Dutch guy turned up and told Ocky that he owned all of the furniture in the lobby, including his desk and other major pieces. He pulled out an agreement that he had drawn up with Heather which validated his story. So there he was with no furniture.

The best news is that Taman Sakti has been booked out solid since last August (2021) even during the dark days of the pandemic and is booked well into the future.

Ocky is a living example of a person who looks at life’s possibilities and is brave and intelligent enough the take a leap into unknown territory. He is a true entrepreneur who has a good heart and cares about his fellow man. The universe seems to adore people like Ocky and tends to return the same energy that he puts out.

I see a huge future for Ocky and his family and he deserves everything that comes his way. His YouTube channel What’s Up Bali is living testimony to his force of personality and his good flows towards his fellow man.

Tuesday April 26, 2022

A few months ago I stumbled upon a YouTube channel called “What’s Up Bali” which was so informative about the rules and regulations to get into Bali that I started watching each new episode as things changed almost daily after Bali opened up in February.

The channel is presented by a wonderfully charismatic man named Ocky Misa. Now when I started watching Ocky’s channel my motivation was all about the information that he was disseminating in regard to the government rules and regulations to do with visas, vaccination protocol and general Covid stuff. He was pretty thorough and matter of fact in his presentation so I decided to subscribe to his channel. As time went by I started enjoying new clips more and more for the information but also because I liked Ocky. As I said, he is very charismatic and has a great sense of humour, he’s fast and informative and always uses the Indonesian and balinese government policy and documentation to base his presentation on.Before I knew it the rules were changing almost daily. One day you had to get a sponsor and pay a fortune to get a visa to get in and then before you could say “Jimmy Cricket” this had changed back to a $50 Aust visa on arrival. 

Oh, I forgot to say that we were booked to return to Bali after being marooned in Australia for more than 2 Covid years.

The more I watched his YouTube clips the more he endeared himself to me and I loved that his 11 year old son was always sitting in the background apparently studying and looking very cute. Before I knew it I felt like I knew him and decided that I would go to Taman Sakti Villas when I arrived back in Ubud in late April (2022). Ocky’s villas are located in Jalan Suweta a road which begins at the Royal palace in the unique town of Ubud where I had been going since 1983 when I made my first trip to Bali.

When we arrived I sent Ocky a message on Instagram and asked some advice for my daughter who is arriving in a week or so. Ocky was fast to answer my communication in an equally friendly manner to which I had become accustomed to on his YouTube channel. I was pretty impressed.

So this morning after having been in Ubud for one week preparing our newly renovated villa in Penestanan Georgie and I decided to make the pilgrimage to Taman Sakti Villas which are 40 minutes walk from our villa.

The funny thing was that as I had only known him through YouTube the closer we got the more he took on a star like quality in my mind and when we finally arrived I was quite excited about meeting him. We walked through an empty reception area into the property and just kept walking along the pathway until I saw his son in the window of one of the rooms and then Ocky appeared at his door and greeted us profusely. I instantly felt like I had known him for years and that we were long lost friends.

General

I woke at 6 a.m with a huge cramp in my right calf. I am taking 2 teaspoons of sea salt each day plus magnesium supplements but not potassium, although I’m pretty certain that I am eating enough potassium in my vegetables so what I’m trying to say is that I have no idea what’s happening and why I’m getting cramps but it is obviously due to walking and excessive sweating in such a warm and humid environment as Bali.

In the half hour since abruptly jumping out of bed the sun has risen and the roosters have transcended their night of sleep and are crowing like football supporters at an MCG game.

I’ve got no idea what we will get done today although I do have an appointment at the dentist at 12 noon which will modify our activity to a degree.

Georgie suggested doing the Tjampuhan Ridge walk this morning which I feel pretty good about but maybe we can walk a bit further than we did last Tuesday.

The vegan pho that the guys at Green Lotus was delicious, full of finely cut green veggies and herbs with bean sprouts instead of noodles, the broth was subtle and delicious all at the same time. They only do this dish on Mondays and I had to order my keto friendly recipe on Sunday. here are the contact details …. 

Address: F6WW+GVC, Jalan Banjar Penestanan Kaja, Sayan, Ubud, Gianyar Regency, Bali 80571 You can find the phone number online.

I didn’t have my bulletproof coffee yesterday morning and noticed the hunger creeping in mid afternoon so I’m back on it again this morning but with an adventurous addition of kratom powder which is made from drying the leaves of some exotic asian tree. I’ve also added a small amount of nutmeg, chilli, 2 cardamon pods and salt. It’s bitter, intense and I haven’t been able to discover whether there are any carbs but the kratom is supposed to boost your energy so I’m giving it a go before our walk which should happen as soon as Georgie rises out of her slumber.

Another realisation I had yesterday is that I have to deal with Made about all things to do with our driving agreement. I had mentioned to Purnami that I might have to pay on Tuesday but she possibly didn’t tell him and when we got back yesterday he asked about the money. The exchange rate on the Australian dollar has decreased by about 5% since we have been here and like the gambler that I am (just joking) I have been hoping that it will come up again but alas, I will go to the ATM today and pull out $400 worth of rupiah.

The sun has fully risen now, it’s 7.30 and Georgie has finally graced me with her presence so at last we can head off.

It’s now 8.30 at night and going back to this morning we walked up the Tjampuhan Ridge which was fabulous. It’s getting easier all the time. We had a coffee at the last cafe on the walking track and turned around and came down again. When we got back to the Villa, Purnami was already here and I started making a curry to see us through the day. This became a real labour of love and I enjoyed every minute of the create and experimentation with the real herds and spices that got from the Farmer’s Market on Saturday.

Before I knew it the time spun around so fast that it was time to make a quick dash to the dentist who was going to fix my braces up. The walk to Penestanan kaja usually takes about 20 minutes but I had such a spring in my feet that I made it in 15. Quick repair of the jaw and I was on my way back when I noticed that some of the market stalls were set up in random spots along the route home. The herb and spice lady was there as well so I picked up some curry powder and a beaded bracelet which set me back $5. I felt like Jack from the Beanstalk tale and walked the rest of the way home with a big smile on my face.

When I finally arrived Georgie was sitting at the dining table and I didn’t even notice that the 6 new sleek metal and black cord dining chairs had arrived. They looked so perfect in their new location that it seemed like they had been especially created for the space.

By 1.30 we were sitting in Made’s car on our way to Okta’s warehouse to check out the rough frames he is making for us and to take another look at the antique Balinese door that I am so keen about. Then we were off and running again on the long drive down to Razor in Kerobokan. It’s an amazingly eclectic bric a brac warehouse full of uniquely interesting furniture and bits and pieces from all over Java and Bali. We both had so much fun choosing outdoor furniture, containers, artwork, mirrors and decorative pieces. We got quite a bundle of goodies for $1200. We had plans to also visit the stone pot business today but by the time we had finished at Razer it was time time turn around and come back to Penestanan. Peak hour isn’t anywhere near as bad as it was in 2019 but the traffic still clogs and flows pretty slowly. made is very cool calm and collected about whatever the driving conditions are and for me it’s such a luxury not having to drive like I normally do. When we arrived back in Penestanan we dropped Georgie of at the entry to Gang Padma so she could come back to the villa and Made and I headed of to Bintang so I could navigate my way through the process of taking out 4.5 million rupiah out at an ATM to pay 50% of our driving costs plus some money we already owed him for driving and petrol. 

The Australian dollar has crashed over the past few days. Before we left Australia it was at least 75 against the US Dollar, now it’s about 71.5 … just our luck. Diminishing Australian dollars and Ramadam seem to be Georgie and my constant companion when we go on overseas trips.

On the way home I got a message from my cousin Glenda. Her sister Roslyn had been battling cancer for several years. She passed away on April 11. This was the cousin who I inadvertently purchased our family home, in what was then Burwood way back in 1986. That’s a whole story in it’s own right which I won’t go into now. Her passing was sad news although it was inevitable. The poor thing had recently had her Covid booster shot!

It poured rain in Ubud this afternoon and as a consequence the village seemed to be waterlogged when we got back and to top things off we have a frog in the rice fields that has been making an incredible racket all night like a drunk drummer who can’t keep time.

I prepared a quick dinner using the yellow curry that I had prepared earlier in the day. For Georgie I did some fried tofu and tempe to add and for me I boiled 2 of the beautiful fresh eggs I bought at Moksa market on Saturday morning.

We watched “Slow Horses” on my Apple computer while we ate our dinner and now it’s 9.30 and well and truly time for bed. The only problem is the frog will probably bellow and bump for the next few hours.

Monday April 25, 2022

We are about to embark on Day 7 of our trip to Bali. Yesterday was a day of rest and relative tranquility. I cooked 2 yellow curries, one with tofu, tempe and root vegetables and the other for me with “keto” vegetables, both had moringa scattered into them. I’ve still got a lot to learn about Balinese herbs. I have done some research on moringa though and it sounds like a miracle tree, amino acids and other nutrients that can really boost nutrition.

I feel like I can have bragging rights about my curry, it was absolutely delicious, one of the best curries that I had ever made and eaten but I had the advantage of a beautiful selection of organic vegetables as well as freshly ground spices like cardamon, nutmeg, chilli, coriander, fresh ginger, turmeric, garlic and galangal plus fresh limes, moringa and a selection of fresh herbs like mint, parsley and basil. Georgie told me her curry tasted pretty good as well.  I also made a desert with coconut yoghurt, coconut cream, “frozen” berries topped with coconut butter, chilli flakes, nutmeg, turmeric and a scattering of monk fruit. The coconut butter gets hard and goes all crunchy. Yum. We’ve decided to give eating and cooking at home more of a go unless we are on the road. Having said that we have a guy making us a vegan pho later today for our dinner tonight. he has a vegan, Ayurvedic restaurant in Penestanan Kaja just near Cafe Vespa. I’m looking forward to that. He has a huge list of what I can’t eat and seems to welcome the challenge of making something special for us that fits into the guidelines of keto. Ubud could really do with a keto restaurant. It is something to consider for the future.

The reality with keto though is that most people tend to look at it as a short term weight loss diet as opposed to the healthy permanent eating regimen that I see it as. When you walk into the supermarket in Australia now it is full of keto treats that have hijacked the name but are really just low carb junk food. I suppose it’s OK to have something like this once in a while but people will fall for it and think if it says keto then it must be healthy or have some weight loss attribute. This is so far from the truth. Big business always looks for loop holes to hijack and compromise health as they can get away with charging huge prices for substituting the carbs with some other crap.

My braces started playing up again yesterday and I may have to make another trip to the dentist at The Mansion. It appears that something has come loose at the back of my lower left jaw. I can readjust it with my fingers but that is a bloody nuisance so I will write to Chris a bit later and let him know. The braces are a bigger challenge than I could have imagined but hopefully they will be worth the pain and inconvenience when my jaw is aligned in 12 months time.

We had a few tense moments yesterday in regard to our agreement with Made and our driving arrangements. It is all part of ironing out out interaction with Balinese mores. There is still a lot that we both have to learn about dealing with the Balinese as there is a thing where they say “Up to you” when you ask how much something will cost. I also realize that we need to make an offer to get the negotiation underway. The abstract “you decide” really doesn’t work for me as it is so easy to err in both directions which always ends up being embarrassing for somebody. This happened to us in India as well. I will talk to Purnami about this so we are on the same page. I wrote a note to her this morning which is below.

Good morning Purnami 

I hope yesterday was a good day for you and Made. I used the moringa in 2 curries that I made. I still have lots left but it worked well. I will do more experiment. Today I am not certain what we will do, Georgie is still asleep but when she wakes we will walk into Ubud and walk up Jalan Suweta because I want to visit a balinese man named Ocky. Can you say thank you to Made about the car and agreement to drive us. I know I still owe him 300,000 for the other day, can you also ask him how much he thinks for petrol for that day. Today I will find a bank and get some money from the ATM if I can. I will also take out 3,000,000 as 50% of the money for driving for next 4 weeks and give it to you I hope. I put cooking oil on some of the kitchen benches and it works good. Bagus … I am happy with the finish. You will see when you come, maybe we will need to do again every 2 months, not certain yet. Today I will also talk about the “Flower Arangements” I have an idea that might not cost money and I will also buy big glass vases from Razer shop in Kerabokan when we go. I will show you. I am sorry if there was any misunderstanding about the driving yesterday. I hope that Made is happy with our agreement. If there is ever any problem it is 100% OK for us to talk about it. We will see you after we return from our walk and if there is anything that we need to do today we will let Made know later.

I got a very positive response to this communication within minutes of sending it. The only thing to do now is to work out our arrangement with petrol. I will talk with Purnami.

We both now have a responsibility to work harder to understand the Balinese psyche which is different from the west. each culture has it’s idiosyncrasies and it is up to the visitor to become well versed in the manners and eccentricities of the culture that are now a part of.

Our trip to Sayan Point yesterday was pretty idyllic. We needed up lazing around for about 4 hours until the late afternoon. Soree (pronounced sorey) … this is the late afternoon greeting “Selamat Sore”. We walked home, stopping at the pho shop to let him know what I couldn’t have in the soup and then came back to the villa. Soon after we went down over the bridge at Tjampuhan to have a $10 massage which is more about relaxation than therapy. But it’s a nice way to spend an hour or so.

The next issue is to eat our dinner earlier as we are meant to be in bed by 9 p.m and need to have eaten at least 3 hours prior to going to sleep which seems to be around 10 p.m.

Note to Valerie

Hi Valerie This is Gary. We understand that you would like to cut your visit short. I just want to give you my viewpoint. We have now been in Penestanan for 1 week and I look forward to the sun rising every morning in anticipation of our 2 hour walk through the jungle and rice fields and then coming back to the villa for a swim in the pool. Penestanan is rich with culture and in many ways has all the best of Bali to offer. I would personally hate to only stay here for 3 days as I know what I would miss out on. The island you are going to is on the north western tip of Bali where I have never been but I know it is not very developed and apart from the beautiful waters I don’t think there is much going on culturally. This is just my viewpoint. I am trying to do a daily blog on my website and you are welcome to take a look if you like. I’ve still got some catching up to do but it will give you an idea. www.garycollier.com.au

Sunday April 24, 2022

I have decided that we can forego our morning walk today. My body is telling me that it’s time to give it a bit of a break although we will be still doing a bit of walking later in the day and I might run up the Penestanan Steps from Tjamphuan later on this morning. But overall I’m looking forward to a day of relaxation and maybe a bit of cooking.

Christine and Tim Kingston arrived at our villa at 4 p.m yesterday. I hadn’t necessarily been looking forward toothier visit but my trepidation turned to happiness when I realized that I had a lot in common with Tim and that the communication between us flowed easily and unpretentiously. It was also good to get some feedback about the villa from people who have good taste based on their own home and profession as artists. I moved a few bits and pieces around before they arrived which made a surprising difference to the main living space. We ate dinner at The Yellow Flower in Penestanan Kaja, talked non stop and discovered more that we were on the same page. Good people to have come across in Bali. We will have lunch with them soon and meet another couple in the process.

We got home before 9pm and I stained part of the kitchen bench with oil. It looks like it might make a positive improvement.

We are off to Sayan Point at noon for a light lunch and a relaxing afternoon overlooking the spectacular Ayung River valley.

Below is an extract from Colin McPhee’s book A House In Bali eloquently describing Sayan in the early 1930s. His house was built overlooking the valley where we will spend our afternoon.

“The village of Sayan stretched along the top of a narrow ridge that ran up into the mountains. Every three days a crowded bus rattled down from the Chinese coffee plantations to Den Pasar, choking and stalling as it climbed back again at night. The land I wanted lay at the end of the village, next to the graveyard, on the edge of a deep ravine. Far below ran the river; across the valley ricefields rose in terraces and disappeared in the coconut groves. Behind these ran the mountains of Tabanan, and far off to the south a triangle of sea shone between the hills. The land had once been terraced to grow rice, but now was covered with grass and shaded with coconuts. It descended in several steps to the edge of the cliff, where it dropped four hundred feet. From below came the faint roar of the river as it rushed among the rocks and stones. The village belonged to the district of Gianyar, ruled by the detested Anak Agung Ngurah, who was eating his heart out at colonial restraint. His attempts at ancient tyranny were constantly foiled by the Controlleur, whose tiny office across the square from the palace in Gianyar was a constant and infuriating reminder of another régime. Sayan was a peasant village, not very old, but running according to old Balinese law. There was not even a village school, and very few men spoke Malay, which meant I would have to learn Balinese. There were three banjars, with an assembly: where on rare occasions the elders of all three banjars met for matters of grave importance. There were half a dozen small temples, and a crumbling palace which belonged to me Chokorda Rani, a poverty-stricken, prince from the ancient and highborn family which once ruled m Pliatan, across me valley to me east. The rest of the village were simple farmers: when they heard a white man was coming to live among them the signal. drums beat loudly, and there was meeting after meeting of the village elders. Rendah, the owner of the land, was a shy frail man of fifty; he was plainly startled. When, as he led his cow through the bamboos one afternoon, he found me sitting under his trees. It was only after Kesyur told him that I was merely walking for pleasure that he relaxed. Then Balinese manners prevailed. I was welcome! Would I not like some coconut water? He tucked his dusty sarong around his Joins and began to climb a palm with surprising agility. In a moment there was the double thud of two nuts as they fell, and he descended, to open them with a neat blow from his heavy knife. We sat conversing. I made no mention of my plans, as I knew the idea that I wanted to build a house on his land would have to be broken with caution. Kesyur was soon embarked on a synopsis of where I had come from, where I was going, my finances and my character, while I was already thinking of the kind of house to build.”

— A House In Bali [Illustrated Edition] by Colin McPhee

https://amzn.asia/4mGo6Mc

I firmly recommend this book to anybody coming to Bali whether it be for a holiday or longer term.

The task ahead now and over the next 4 weeks is putting our personal stamp on the villa. I’ve spent a few minutes tweaking the kitchen and already I feel like it’s my space to create a meal in. I have some ideas for the bathroom downstairs but my ideas are like clouds that could easily float away or change shape and become something completely different.

Something else I have noticed is the blandness of the Australian newspapers. I’ve got an unhealthy habit of opening The Age and news.com.au on my iPad and perusing the Australian version of the news. It’s really not worth the effort to look at this lukewarm tripe, even though we have an election coming up. It’s all spin and doesn’t mean a thing. I have always voted Labor based on ideology and will probably continue to do so for now. maybe they will put a bit more effort into supporting the arts and music, maybe they will be a bit more humane but I don’t think there is any significant difference between these 2 parties. I think the best bet for now is to limit my Australian news viewing to one day a week or to just peruse the headlines from time to time.

Another big task that lies ahead is our gang (laneway). It is in disrepair and needs lots of love and attention. At the moment our guests will arrive and scratch their heads as they fill with doubts about what lies at the end of the pathway. Part of our challenge will be to get the support of the local Penestanians in getting involved in art projects for the walls but at least we need to repave. As it is it would be a bit like asking a girl on a date and turning up at a beautiful house in a very shabby and unkempt street. This might be enough to cause second thoughts.

So far, so good. We are coming to the close of our first week in Bali. Time somehow changes here. It seems like minutes ago that we arrived but also seems like an eternity that we have been here. Even the 27 or so months when we were locked out due to Covid have dissolved into what feels like 2 weeks or so. They call Bali Time rubber time, this sums it up quite well.

Letter To Liz

Hi Liz

We have settled in to Villa Tusk AKA Joglo Putih, now it’s all about tweeking, putting in furniture (couches, dining chairs etc) and we have brought across about 40 artworks (canvases) that we are having stretched and framed as well as prints and bits and pieces.

You did a great job of creating a good vibe that permeates the space. It’s like finding a Cinderella shoe, perfect fit.

We’ve already had some bookings at $400 a night, had a family from Surabaya for 4 nights before we arrived and then upcoming we have Americans, French and New Zealanders …. all for short periods but oh well, it will get better. Now that we’ve missed more than 2 years we need to make every cent we can to finish the place off as we are down to bare bones. 

The new kitchen is great, I’ve just cooked my first curry this morning after a big shop up at the Moksa Farmer’s Market yesterday.

We are here until election day and then come back again in August through September and again in November  using ourJetstar vouchers from 2020… Bali seems to be on the mend. Penestanan is pretty chilled out and there aren’t any real signs of Covid (social) damage although I’m sure there is. We go for 2 hour walks every morning which is really familiarising us with the surrounding area and locating ourselves.

We had a meeting with Edmund last week. As you know Bali is complex and quirky. Last year they introduced new laws about renting out properties and believe it or not they are retroactive! We have found out that even though Georgie did the renovation drawings and the job is finished we now have to pay a certified Indonesian architect to copy the drawings and they want up to $4000!! We also found out that we have to pay the Gianyar Regency 10% tax on any rental money and the Denpasar Gov gets 1%. Oh well, taxes are universal.

The other thing that was really hard to wrap my head around concerns you and your business relationship with Made Kastiono over the 10 years you were here. When Edmund went to initiate our Pondok Wisata the Gianyar officials sprung him with a tax bill (for Kastiono) for 10 years for Joglo Putih based on the fact that you rented it out from time to time. They have recently transferred all their record keeping to online and are catching up on old taxes, backlogs etc. Edmund hired an accountant who whittled to bill down to approx $1000 and charged $300 for the work, this bill (which was officially yours) was presented to Made Kastiono as your Pondok Wisata was in his name. He scratched his head and flat out refused to pay. The problem is that if your tax isn’t paid we cannot get a Pondok Wisata. How’s that for convoluted? There is no way around this, Edmund has tried everything he can think of.

What are your thoughts on this? We can’t get around it. We will get billed for the accountant as well (not 100% certain yet but pretty sure).

This is truly a weird situation for all of us to be in. Should I get Edmund to contact you directly to communicate and answer questions?

Back to real life …..

Georgie and I arrived at Sayan Point at about 12.30. What a gorgeous place to spend an afternoon. Pool, towel, lunch and a drink until 9 pm for $15 plus one of the best views anywhere on the planet..

We had a pool to ourselves with 2 sun chairs overlooking a vista that is beyond beautiful and totally spectacular. We were served by our own waiters who took our orders and then brought the meals and drinks to us.

I’m now sitting on another deck which is on a completely different level mainly to escape the sun which has a tendency to cook my white skin.

It is 3 in the afternoon and I reckon we should stay put here for the rest of the afternoon. We walked here today which took 30 minutes and we will walk back.

I did my first big cook up mid morning. Yesterday’s veggies and spices from Moksa Market were part of a plan to cook delicious curries for Georgie. So the first one I made, which should last for 2-3 meals was a yellow curry with coconut cream and Tofu, Tempeh and assorted veggies and spices. The plan is to prepare different meals and store them in the refrigerator for when we don’t eat out at a restaurant. I’m getting a feel for our kitchen but as I said earlier I still need to find some decent cooking utensils, knives etc plus work out where everything goes to make cooking easy and efficient.

Saturday April 23, 2022

The roosters are crowing and the area surrounding our villa is waking up. It is 6.30 a.m and I’ve already been awake for 90 minutes albeit lying in bed until 6 a.m. I love waking up early. I love the darkness, quietness and the solitude whereby I can just sit down with a coffee or a glass of water and collect my thoughts and feelings. The habit I do need to improve though, at least while I am in Bali is going to bed earlier. getting into bed at 9 p.m would be the logical solution. This is something to work toward.

Hopefully “A” will fly to Bali next Wednesday. If this happens then she can also bring an extra 40 kgs of luggage with her. This is such a good possibility that I really should start listing out what she should bring and how Finn can help.

As I said yesterday the Moksa Organic Farmer’s Market is on today. We will drop in after our morning walk to do some shopping and later we will get Purnami to pick it up for us.

I am still having a few challenges with buying food in restaurants and shops. The idea of a ketogenic diet is a totally alien one to the Balinese culture where (white rice) is such an important staple so the idea of asking for no sugar is really hard to understand for them. Does that mean kecap manis, coconut sugar, fruits? Not to them. So it’s a bit of a mine field that I’m going to have to learn to negotiate my way through.

We headed off toward Kedewatan through Penestanan Kaja and the rice fields to a coffee shop just before the main road where we drank our morning coffee. We then walked out onto the main road turned left and headed down toward Sayan. The traffic gets a bit hectic on this stretch of road and even though there is a very narrow footpath it can still be a bit daunting. Georgie didn’t want to walk along this road but I talked her into it. One consolation is that we found a plant nursery that will come in handy to buy our next batch of plants for the garden at Villa Tusk. 

Just before the turnoff to the Moksa Organic Farmer’s Market I noticed a sign promoting  a property called Sayan Point. Back in January 2020 we dropped into the 4 Seasons for an afternoon drink. While we were there we started chatting to a staff member named Wayan. She told us about her place up the top of the ridge that overlooked the Ayung River and bragged about how beautiful it was. When I put 2 and 2 together today I came to the conclusion that this must be her place. It was and believe me, she wasn’t bragging. Every word of her description was understated. The view and location are stunningly and overwhelmingly beautiful and breathtaking. It is just a few metres from Taman Bebek where Georgie and I spent an amazing 3 weeks in March 1998 in our own jungle villa. This is a special part of the world for me. It is described beautifully in Colin McPhee’s 1930s book called A House In Bali. It is a majestic and picturesque spot that would be hard to surpass anywhere else on the planet.

After spending some time just taking it all in we made a couple of phone calls and booked in a visit for tomorrow at noon. We plan on having lunch and just lounging around and swimming in the pool for a few hours.

We finally made it to the market just before 12. It’s not as big as it was last time we visited but was well worth any effort it took to get there. Organic veggies, herbs, spices and other goodies that you find at Markets like this. I spent about $50-$60 on veggies, herbs and spices and the stall holder actually offered to deliver it all to our home. I now have enough food to start cooking some decent curries for Georgie and maybe a few for myself as well.

We ate a beautiful lunch at Moksa, every mouthful was delicious.

When we got back home I decided to try out the sunken bath in the downstairs bathroom. I had already tried a bath 2 days earlier but the builders put an overflow plug in the side of the bath which was placed far too low and even though the bath started at the perfect depth it soon emptied out far too much. Our handyman plugged this up yesterday and now it’s perfect. It is big, deep and very, very relaxing. Tomorrow I will put together a plan for what is needed in this bathroom to make it seem totally exotic with it’s tropical plants and private walls already in place.

When I got out of the bath Georgie announce that she wanted to walk the 20 minutes to the Bintang Supermarket to buy wine and beer for our guests who were arriving at 4 p.m. This is a pleasant walk past Intuitive Flow, the local yoga studio and the Yellow Flower Restaurant. We are so lucky, everything is so picturesque and I am constantly reminded what a beautiful place Ubud/Penestanan is and how being located pretty much smack bang on the equator allows for a climate where plants grow quickly, lushly and big and healthy.

Friday April 22, 2022

This morning after our walk we have a meeting at 10am with our Indonesian lawyer to sort out the legals re the villa. As with most bureaucratic things in Bali the processes are very complicated and at times don’t seem to make any logical sense but we just have to shrug and do our best to understand and comply.

Yesterday was a very productive day. We started our morning with a very long walk starting up the hill toward Ubud and then north along a ridge into the rice fields. This was possibly our best walk yet both aesthetically and time wise, we needed up walking for 2 hours. On the way back home we dropped in to see an Australian expat couple who have lived in Bali for several years. They have built a house called Zanzibar overlooking the valley that looks back toward our villa. She is an artist and he is a photographer. This was only a short visit to touch base and let them know that we were back. We’ve organised dinner for Saturday.

We had a swim in our pool when we got back to the villa. Purnami was already here cleaning up and organising the villa. Made was waiting for us in his car to set off on our day of searching and looking for furniture and other bits and pieces for Villa Tusk.

Our first stop was a local business named Bianca Interiors where we are considering buying our couches from. We have pretty much decided on a 3 metre long and another 2 metre set of lush couches that are similar to the one that I am sitting on in the picture except they will be in a teal coloured fabric. We’ll also get a poof and an armchair which will all work perfectly in the villa. What we are going for is a balance of old eclectic antique, traditional Indonesian and clean modern. What we have to be careful of is to create a sense of luxury that is a perfect aesthetic balance between the beautifully intricate joglo carved ceiling, the sublime hand poured tiles. our artwork and some really clean streamlined modern furniture. I feel confident that between Georgie and I that we can pull it off.

Next stop was to a very unusual antique warehouse that we came across when we were first starting the villa 2 years ago. It is a treasure trove of junk interspersed with individual pieces that would be hard to find anywhere else. The owner Okta is going to make up a series of frames for us out of old wood. We sat in his chaotic kitchen come office and hopefully worked out what we were looking for. I also found a few gems hidden away that we will use at the villa.

On the way to Okta’s we asked Made to recommend a Balinese warung where we could have a cheap simple lunch. By this time it was about 12.30 pm and I was getting very, very hungry. That’s a whole subject on it’s own. Being on a healthy ketogenic diet in Bali is a challenge. I’m sure that after being here for a while it would be possible to put together all the ingredients in place but it’s only been a few days. Most of the “western” style restaurants near us are vegan and consequently both delicious but full of carbs at the same time. My choice is limited and even further compromised due to my new metal braces and my inability to chew food. We are falling into a pattern where we have a decent lunch in a restaurant and then in the evening I make an omelette at home. The only real fat I’m getting so far is in my morning bulletproof coffee which has butter and MCT oil buzzed into it. This doesn’t spike my insulin and fits loosely within the guidelines of intermittent fasting but I’ve got to do it to get the saturated fat that I need to stay in ketosis. I checked my blood yesterday and it was perfect. Blood glucose 3.9 and ketones 3. It couldn’t be better.

Now back to yesterday’s lunch at the warung in Kedewatan. It was fabulous. 2 black coffees and 3 plates of food for $6. We paid that much on the morning before for 2 black coffees on our morning walk the day before. The only problem was that a) it is useless trying to ask the staff whether there are any carbs in the food, absolutely no understanding and b) most soup stocks and sauces have some sort of sugar in them albeit a small amount. I found a guy a couple of mornings ago who is going to make me a sugarless pho next Monday. The amazing thing is that as soon as I unwittingly eat any carbs or sugar I get instant cravings for sweet food as well as becoming ridiculously hungry. Overall though we are doing OK. Georgie is eating healthy rice dishes and curries and I’m doing my best. We aren’t snacking and definitely are not overeating.

After we finished our delicious but very inexpensive lunch we drove down the hill to Kerobokan which used to be mainly known for it’s prison but is now also home to many homewares and furniture showrooms. A perfect place to find interesting, eclectic modern and traditional bits and pieces for the villa. We went to another furniture showroom belonging to Bianca Interiors where we found 6 very modern dining chairs for our glass table and got some good ideas for other pieces of furniture. for the villa. We also found a huge stone statue and pot business that was all outdoors and 50% off full price. We will definitely purchase a whole lot of stuff from here for our garden, bathrooms and even a  few pieces for inside. The last port of call was a business called Razor which we have been searching for from 3 years ago. They used to have a big showroom in Ubud but that mysteriously closed in 2019, now we know why. We found mirrors, tables, knick naks, lights, old chairs …. so many pieces to choose from. By now it was peak hour and poor made had to battle with the traffic back up the road to Penestanan where I had to make a quick trip to the Bintang Supermarket to purchase a few items for dinner.

This morning our walk took us past Moksa and into the rice fields again but in a whole different direction to the last 3 morning walks. We found this one in August 2019 when we were staying with our dubious friend, Gillian who attempted to get us temporarily hooked on 10 “are” (an are is 10 x10 metres) of land at the southern tip of Penestanan. It’s a long story but all I will say here is that we got unhooked and escaped. We walked through the land on the way back home and it is still full of rice fields and a living testimony to not getting sucked in to a well practised sales person and their white lies. Later in the morning at 10 a.m we had a meeting with our lawyer who is helping us set up a legal entity to officially rent out Villa Tusk. We learned heaps about the idiosyncrasies of the Balinese legal system and it’s complexities. Somehow we have become liable for somebody else’s tax bill ! We also got lumped with the unwelcome information  that we will be forking out 11% of our AirBnB money in government taxes which are similar to our Australian GST. At 12.30 p.m I had an appointment with a dentist in Sayan, which is the village next door to Penestanan. I had a mishap with my braces and she had to make a slight adjustment in co-ordination/liaison with my dentist in Melbourne. This didn’t take long and only set me back $50. At 1.30 I met Georgie and had such at Warung Mendez. Finally I found a restaurant that could make a decent soup stock. I got really excited and tried too negotiate to buy a big pot for my fridge at the Villa. 

At 4.30 we finally had our first massage for the trip. Last time in Bali we discovered a massage place next to Murni’s Warung near the Tjampuhan Bridge. They don’t do the best massages in Ubud but at $10 an hour the massage is well worth the time and money.

We finished of our night with a walk into Ubud and a simple meal at an old favourite restaurant, Casa Luna where we met and spoke to a gorgeous Balinese girl named Novi.

Tomorrow will start with a walk and then morph into a trip to the Moksa Saturday Organic Market where I will stock up on supplies for the next few days.

Thursday April 21, 2022

I checked my blood and ketones yesterday and all is well. Ketones were 3 and blood 3.9. Doing Keto in Bali is apparently not all that easy whereas being vegan would be a breeze. The possibilities for a healthy and hip vegan restaurant in Ubud are immense. With some thought. I brought some 500 grams of organic butter from Australia plus 2 bottles of MCT oil so I can have my morning bulletproof coffee which might be enough fat for the day. Yesterday I had a raw coconut salad for lunch and a chicken broth soup with spinach and then a homemade omelette for dinner which had some bacon in it plus a few herbs. Finished of with a cocoa drink at Zest called Cacao ceremony with 95% cocoa, whipped coconut cream, chilli and nutmeg. This is pretty intense and should not be over indulged. Maybe once a a week would be enough.

Overall I am eating well and keeping carbs to a minimum.

It looks like Georgie didn’t sleep too well last night so I might be walking on my own this morning. We are now on Day 3 and overall going well. We have a big day planned today with Made driving us. Another thing I have to do is to explore the potential for getting things we need from Amazon and delivered to Bali. This might be an option that saves a lot of time and searching. Homewares, vitamins, certain food products and supplements, some furniture, towels, bedding etc, kitchen utensils. If this works it may be a godsend.

Wednesday April 20, 2022

Another morning in paradise. I awoke at 5.30 am to the gentle pitter patter of light rain and the distance crowing of Bali roosters. It was still dark but the sun must have woke up at the same time as I did. We shook off our cobwebs together. Georgie made her grand entry into our dining area soon after 6am so we are sitting together drinking coffee and getting ready for our morning walk. The magic hasn’t started wearing off yet, as a matter of fact it is getting stronger.

We organised the framing of our artworks and prints yesterday, went for a long walk, decided on some couches, did a bit of basic supply shopping, got local SIM cards, had a delicious vegan lunch at my personal favourite restaurant Moksa in Sayan, spent time with Purnami, checked out a couple of local gyms with saunas, ice baths and Balinese men with big, well oiled muscles.

Bali feels optimistic. The Balinese seem to jn ow how to make the most out of any opportunity so there are no hang dog faces. It’s more about acceptance, find a new way of operating and getting on with the future.

We’ve struck a deal with Purnami’s husband, Made (pronounced Marday) who has his own driving business to drive us to our destinations for about $30 a day. We could hire a car but not only would we not have anywhere to park it but we would have to pay $30 a day anyway. This way we only use him when we need to go somewhere. part of our plan is to work out ways to help Purnami’s family improve their income and overall quality of life. We have a very symbiotic relationship so what is good for her is good for us. Several of made’s friends have had their cars repossessed by the banks, 3 late payments and the car is gone. Luckily Made got his loan from the Banjar (Village Council) and they have been understanding and supportive.

This morning we walked to Penestanan Kaja through the rice fields to Kedewatan and back, had a coffee at Cafe Vespa and came back via the dentist (Doctor Gigi AKA Tooth Doctor) at The Mansion in Sayan. One of my braces has come loose and as you can imagine, it is driving me slightly insane and even contributing to me feeling like a grossly bear at times. We also had a look around the health spa at The Mansion but were not all that impressed.

Back to the villa for a swim and a bit of communication with family in Australia and then off to Yellow Flower Restaurant for a simple lunch. This is located in a very special place. In 1996 and 97 we stayed at a homestay named Kori Agung. Where Yellow Rose is now situated was Kori Agung’s restaurant. Paul stayed up late with the staff, drinking and talking. First year Allissa, Paul and me on our own and then next year with the three of us plus Georgie. This was the trip when I celebrated my 45th birthday in Ubud just prior to Georgie and I heading off to Java. The funny thing is that I never put 2 and 2 together back then. When you sit in the restaurant the majestic Mount Agung is right before you in the distance always looming and dangerous, it smacks you in the face. The word Kori means “doorway” in Balinese, hence “doorway to Agung”. It’s taken me 26 years to realize this.

What an eventful trip that was back then in 1997, all those long years ago. Oasis had just put out a new album, Allissa was 15, Paul was 17. He would hop on the back of a motor bike with a Balinese guy who was a staff member at Kori Agung and ride up to Klungkung where they would purchase X rated Arak, almost 100% alcohol. Paul would lie in bed at night drunk as a skunk beating his chest as if it were a drum kit while he listened to Oasis’s new music through his headphones. The first time I heard the noise coming from the bedroom that he shared with Allissa I was terrified until I realized what was happening. I have no idea how Allissa got any sleep. This was our first trip with Georgie. It must have been so daunting for her. Oh well, we survived although when I go back to that beautiful nostalgic location I still feel a bit of sadness that Paul is no longer with us.

Even though it felt like a rest day it really wasn’t. Oh well, we can pretend.

Tuesday, April 19, 2022

We have just spent our first night at Villa Tusk. After 24 hours of greeting, driving, fasting and flights we ate an absolutely delicious meal at Zest Vegan Restaurant 5 minutes walk from the our villa. After getting up at 3.30am on Monday morning and taking the 2 hour time difference into account we were exhausted and hit the sack at 9pm after a swim in our tropical pool (11pm Melbourne time) and I slept pretty soundly until 6.30am with a couple of toilet breaks in the middle of the night.

Waking up in our villa was magical. It is growing on me as the familiarity sets in. In actual fact I absolutely love it and this love will expand as we put our brand on it over the next 5 weeks.

Being back in Bali after more than 2 years doesn’t seem strange at all. In some ways it is as if we haven’t ever left. Penestanan really does feel like home.

We set off for our walk up the Tjampuhan Ridge at about 7am. We walked down our gang (laneway) to Jalan Penestanan, down the hill past Zest and across the bridge at Tjampuhan, down the steps into the school and finally past the magnificent Pura Gunung Lebah, one of Bali’s most important and ancient temples, to the starting point of the ridge walk which takes you several kilometres up a pleasant hill with fast flowing rivers and jungle on both sides. Even my tinnitus was balanced out by the organic ringing buzz of the tropical insects who had recently begun their day.

The first thing that I became aware of was that we were both a lot fitter than we were on our last walk up the ridge in early 2020. It wasn’t as busy as it used to be but that doesn’t  mean that there weren’t quite a few people trekking up with us. We stopped for a Bali kopi (strong black Balinese coffee) at a recently finished resort/restaurant that was still being built when we were last here back before covid. The view from here was breathtaking, jungle all the way down to the river in the valley far below.

Now we are back at the villa with a big day of planning, designing, discussions, tweaking, moving furniture ahead of us.

My heart is singing out with happiness and contentment. Finally, after almost 3 years of deliberation, consultation and trepidation we have our own home in Bali and you know what … it feels even better than either of us even imagined.

Bali Monday April 18, 2022

I woke up at 3am to the sound of the rain gently falling for the first time in what seems like months. Our bedroom was so dark, I went to the toilet and listened to a podcast in bed until 3.30 when I went back to the bathroom and showered. It seems like an hour ago but it is 7 hours later and we are in the air. 

A few minutes ago I sat on the plane and felt the thrust of the jet engines as it picked up enough speed to lift off the ground. For us this is the first time since the beginning of 2020 when Covid shut down the world. We are finally on our way back to our second home in Bali.

The price we have had to pay to arrive at this time and place has been quite harsh. I feel that we have compromised by having the Novavax Covid vaccination but it was our only way out. PCR tests, documentation to prove that we are vaccinated and insured. What a new world we have entered into.

We will arrive in Bali around 2pm (4pm) Melbourne time. Made will pick us up from Ngurah Rai Airport, hopefully with Purnami. We have 100 kgs of luggage. It’s hard to believe that just 3 years ago I actually weighed more than the luggage that we have on the plane, I’ve lost the equivalent of a full suitcase plus a carry on bag since then. I’d much prefer the weight to be in my baggage than on my body.

The preparation to get ready for our trip has been arduous and unrelenting. Moving all of our artwork to Red Hill, pulling the paintings off their stretcher bars to roll up to take to our villa, cooking enough food for Finn to get through the 35 days that we will be away. It has all been worthwhile. I’m so happy to be returning to the island that I first visited almost 40 years ago. So much time has been spent there over those 4 decades. So many memories. We’ve ended up just a short walk from Tjampuan where we stayed in 1983. We will walk past that location at dawn tomorrow morning on our first walk up the Tjampuan Ridge since January 2020.

If all goes as planned we will get to the villa just before the sun sets. What will it be like? The last time we were there the pool was being dug by hand and the walls had been ripped down in the old joglo that we purchased off Liz Chandler. We had 4 flights booked in 2020, all canceled due to Covid. The plan had been to go there to supervise the renovations but alas this did not happen and Georgie did the whole renovation over WhatsApp with the help of our dear and loyal staff member, Purnami. What an amazing task that was. I feel certain that we will be pleasantly surprised to walk into a 3D version of our villa as opposed to looking at photos.

We have found a Balinese person to stretch and frame our paintings so that might be our first port of call. Having our own artwork always puts our brand on our living spaces. There will be lots of tweaking to be done over the next 5 weeks. Lots of styling and finding bits and pieces, artefacts, sculptures and whatever else is needed to finish off our home in Bali.

We’ve only been in the air for an hour. What a familiar place a plane has become for me over the past few decades. The smell of food being warmed up, the stale air and gentle movement of the plane going through the air with an occasional jolt to remind us all that we are several kilometres above earth. It all comes back quickly like any familiar activity that you have done countless times before.

I’m a lot healthier this time. So much has happened in the past 2 years. I’ve been diagnosed with cancer and beaten it. I’ve become far more disciplined than I have ever been. being in a plane gives me an opportunity to compare what I have been like in the past to what I am like now. That’s a funny comparison but one that speaks to me.

It is time to settle in, listen to a podcast and close my eyes. maybe I will sleep for the next few hours and open my eyes again when we are touching down in Bali.

Easter Sunday April 17, 2022

We did our PCR tests yesterday and the results came at 3.30am this morning. I have just spent 30 minutes trying to decipher the results and get them downloaded, much to my dismay and frustration. Finally, after fucking around for what seemed like an eternity I pulled it off and we are both negative so it’s all systems go.

I have a big day ahead and need to be very organised to systematically get everything done. So it’s not a morning for words, it is a morning for work.

Easter Saturday April 16, 2022

We are about to get our PCR tests in about 2 hours. If all goes as planned we will be negative for Covid 19 and all systems will be clear for Bali.

Had another nightmare last night that woke me. I wonder why I have those crazy nightmares where I get brutalised by some psycho. There must be some memories deep down that haven’t been confronted and resolved yet. I wouldn’t consider myself the bravest person in the world by far but it is a bit crazy to have a similar pattern occur in so many dreams.

Today is going to be about getting the paintings unstretched and packed plus the artwork, Finn’s food wrapped up and in the freezer and all the last minute touches like clean kitchen, clothing packed, electrical wires etc ready to go, garage clean and secure.

I have decided that “A” must get her passport and come to Bali. It would be so good just spending time with her and would also be great for her to meet people and just chill out and enjoy herself. 

I’m wondering what I will be eating in Bali. Overall it will be OK to reduce my calories and not having access to cream will more than likely be a good thing. I will eat lots of salads, coconut oil, avocados, eggs, moringa smoothies. I’ll be fine. The big challenge will be feeding Georgie. We will have our supplements and I’ll be able to have a bullet proof coffee to keep my fat up when needed.

Looking After Kaye and Finn while we are away

Good morning Kaye. Trinidad has offered to keep an eye on you and be there for anything you need while we are away. For example, if you need some food shopping and Finn can’t help you just ring Trinidad. If by some chance you get Covid and get stuck at home he can drop food off for you. His phone number is 0418979804 and generally he’s pretty good at answering his phone. If you can’t get through Mel’s number is 0425774412 (she;’s not so good at answering). Trinidad offered independently so don’t feel that you can’t ring, he loves to help.

Good Friday April 15, 2022

It’s Easter. That strange Christian time of the year when we celebrate the brutality of crucifixion and the myth of a person said to exist in Roman occupied Judea more than 2000 years ago. 

More and more people are giving up their faith in Christianity as a religion but I’m sure would still agree that some of the basic tenets are good. But like most things that prevail in any society what is left of the religion is not based on intense study and scrutiny but group agreement and is mostly a false belief to gave a way out of this mess when our bodies wear out.

I was born in a Christian country and it really was back in 1952. But my parents weren’t all that religious so apart from a bit of Sunday School I never got caught up in it.

Isn’t it funny that we still look at countries based on their religions, maybe that’s not the case with younger people anymore but I reckon it’s still a thing overall.

The horrible thing is that Easter has devolved into being a public holiday when our society eat hot cross buns and chocolate easter eggs or rabbits. WTF has a rabbit got to do with a so called messiah being crucified and resurrecting?

Anyway. It is a public holiday that has a certain solemnity that goes with it and ALL of the retail shops are closed, just like on Christmas Day.

Countdown to Bali is now 3 days. This time on Monday we will be sitting on the plane waiting to take off to make our flight across Australia and the Timor Sea to the island of the gods. Today is going to be about getting all the little things done. Finding missing essentials, taking artworks off stretcher bars, cooking meals for Finn, cleaning up, getting the garage under control, watering the garden etc. Flittering back and forth between these things.

Family

It looks like a chasm has developed between Pete’s family and ours based on differences of opinion at Red Hill. When we arrived yesterday it was as if a dark cloud had rested on top of the house. I walked in the front door and the air was so thick that I could have cut it with a knife. All I wanted to do was to get what I needed and get the hell out. Times like this make me realize that a space can be greatly influenced by whoever is occupying it. I made a few obligatory remarks to Fi and Thomas and skidded to leave it to Georgie to make forced convivial conversation with Fi who didn’t even try to cover up her contempt for us.

Our efforts to make Red Hill into a money making activity and a better place aesthetically are definitely not in alignment with the rest of the family. 

I’m not going to think too much about this right now. Maybe I am making a mountain out of a molehill and maybe the basic problem is that we didn’t clear pouring the slab and taking over the shed with Peter.

I am going to leave that one up to Georgie who can deal with Peter.

Unfortunately though I have a feeling that the chasm between Fi and Georgie will never be repaired and what was once a thinly veiled social relationship based on family connections will become a strained one. The most important thing overall is a) our relationship with Kaye and b) Finn’s relationship with Thomas which will outlive all of us.

Thursday April 14, 2022

After my dental appointment yesterday I made a glib remark about vodka which cascaded into vaguely talking about my past alcohol addiction and then onto the death of my son, Paul. My dentist made a remark along the lines of “he will re-appear at some stage” and asked me my viewpoints on this. I assumed that he meant re-incarnation and I went into one of my big monologues that I am prone to do if asked such a profound question. He listened politely but at some point it became pretty obvious that he had his attention on his next patient. He’s a very interesting person whose company I enjoy. But this leads me to think about the general subject of communication.

Communication creates our link to other sentient beings, living creatures and our environment. 

It is pretty damn important but is overlooked most of the time in our basic education. 

I was pretty lucky to come across the Scientology communication course when I did (back in the 1970s). It was a bit like being a musician who was presented with a C Major scale and having it explained and drilled over and over again. I won’t pretend that I fully understood it back then but over the years this “communication formula” has been invaluable to me and my relationships with others.

Here are some definitions (there may be words, acronyms etc that you don’t understand in the definitions below. These are words particularly relevant to Scientology and if you want definitions you can contact me)

COMMUNICATION, 1. the consideration and action of impelling an impulse or particle from source point across a distance to receipt point with the intention of bringing into being at the receipt point a duplication and understanding of that which emanated from the source point. (HCOB 5 Apr 73) 

2. the first and most basic definition of any part of communication is that communication or any part thereof is a consideration. As duplication is a consideration, communication is possible to the degree that the preclear (person receiving counselling) can freely make considerations. (COHA, pp. 170-171) 

3.   the operation, the action, by which one experiences emotion and by which one agrees. Communication is not only the modus operandi, it is the heart of life and is by thousands of per cent the senior in importance to affinity and reality. (PAB 1) 

4. any ritual by which effects can be produced and perceived. Thus a letter, a bullet, the output of theta (life force) “flitter” are all, to us, communication. (PAB 4) 

5. the ability to translate sympathy or some component of sympathy from one terminal to another terminal. (Spr Lect 5, 5303CM25) 

6. an interchange of energy from one beingness to another in the thetan (spiritual being), and in Homo sapiens, communication is known as perception. (Scn 8-8008, p. 21) 

7. the handling of particles of motion. (PAB 1) 

8. the interchange of perception through the material universe between organisms or the perception of the material universe by sense channels. (Scn 0-8, p. 83) 

9. the interchange of ideas across space. (Scn 0-8, p. 36)10. the use of those sense channels with which the individual contacts the physical universe. (DAB, Vol. II, p. 218

My Experience and my Understanding of Communication

It was early Autumn 1975, almost exactly 47 years ago. I was still a long haired hippy back then who had just stopped using recreational drugs and everything seemed celestial and magnificent. 

I had started a course called the HQS (Hubbard Qualified Scientologist) course which covered the basic fundamentals of the principles of Scientology. Overall this was a pretty damn good course for a 23 year old to do. It certainly had a profound effect on my outlook toward life. 

I couldn’t wait to get to the section on the course when I did what was called the TRS (Training Routines – Hubbard never used flowery names for things but he did use a lot of acronyms which in themselves seemed esoteric). The TRS were the drills you did to practise your communication skills. 

The room where the course was run was full of people doing various drills. To a hippy outsider they seemed mystical and full of hidden meaning but really they were simple drills that when done well would help you understand and apply the various parts of a good communication cycle as well as other skills. 

They taught you to be comfortable in your own skin and to not react negatively to anything that came your way. One of these drills was called bull baiting which in itself was loads of fun but at the same time very intense. The coach (person helping with the drill) would say whatever was needed to get you to react and get thrown off and your job was to sit there comfortably and be able to confront anything that was being said or done. The two prior drills were sort of looked like meditating but had their own purpose which was to teach you practically to just be there comfortably. 

When I first started doing these drills I felt like I was exploding out of the top of my head and exteriorising from my body like a rocket ship taking off. It felt like something that might happen when you took drugs but with no need for any outside stimulation.

These steps in themselves are a very practical foundation for good and effective communication. It was meant to put you there comfortably as a receiver of communication, to be ready to listen and respond. The next drills were designed to help you learn to deliver a simple communication with good intention and diction and then to get your questions answered before moving on. Both very pragmatic and useful skills. The last two drills were to teach you to differentiate between the different responses that were appropriate to handling communications received from another person. The first being to handle a comment which was when the person said something that was about you or the environment. The idea was to not take this up unless it had some sort of negative impact on the person. Like for example …. “you are an ugly dickhead” or “your house is dirty” or “You bloody anti-vaxxer”. The idea was not to react and get thrown off. The next one was about “handling originations”. What this was all about was to deal with something that had a personal impact on the person you are communicating with like “I have a headache” “I am scared shitless” “I am depressed” “The room is cold and I am uncomfortable” or “I don’t feel safe with you because you are not vaccinated”. What you were taught here was to receive the communication, understand it, acknowledge it, handle it if needed and then to return the person to the subject of the communication.

Great stuff which if understood and drilled well could help anybody to communicate far better and consequently not get into arguments or to get all huffy and fluffy when communicating. It could also help you be more compassionate and effective as a friend or fellow traveller.

The other basic principle was not to evaluate for the other person and also not to invalidate them (put them down or make them feel bad about themselves). The trick is that we all have to come to our own conclusions and not be fed them through another person’s filters or biases. 

Lastly there were Hubbard’s 2 rules for happy living. Sort of based on the basic tenet of fundamentals from other religions like the Christian tenet “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.

  1. Be able to experience anything. 
  2. Cause only those things which others are able to experience easily.” Anybody in their right mind could see that these are wise words.

I am not kidding myself that I use the skills that I learned in every communication I undertake. I wish I could and I wish I did. It would help me be a far more effective communicator and possibly a better human being. But I try and believe firmly that it is my responsibility to communicate well and effectively.

Wednesday April 13, 2022

Things are going well with our Bali preparations. I got loads done yesterday but we still need to systematically keep working our way through the lists. 

Today I am doing oxygen and a visit to the dentist. This will bite into the day so I reckon I might be not watching television tonight and spending some time out in the garage but this is all for a good cause.

I will need to up my food preparation over the next few days. I think I may have gone over the top with Finn’s latest chicken curry yesterday and made it so hot that both Georgie and Finn commented.

Radiotherapy Side Effects

When I had my radiation treatment last year it appeared that I didn’t suffer any side effects. I know for a fact that I had minimal damage and overall I didn’t notice any decrease in my quality of life. Even the nurses were amazed.

Now I am almost a year down the track I am starting to wonder whether my saliva glands were damaged. Recently I began some pretty serious dental work which started with a big set of metal braces being installed. My mouth has changed and is continuing to realign, consequently I am getting a super dry mouth. The trick is to keep it closed. I obviously walk around with my mouth open and for sure I sleep with my mouth open. The end result of this is a dry mouth which makes things pretty damn uncomfortable. I evn tried experimenting last night and didn’t use mt sleep apnea machine. This was a disaster. I woke up at 4am with a mouth so dry I thought I might be trapped in a dream in the Sahara. I have to keep my mouth closed more. I am going to the dentist later today so will talk to him about any possible solutions.

“A”

Lis, I’ve been thinking a bit about our conversation last night. I might be wrong but I’ll give you my observations anyway.

First thing I noticed is that you still appear to be holding your connections with Joel in place. I know how important this relationship is to you. All I can say is that you must not let any false hope get in the way of your future. If you let it get in the way of creating the life you want to create then you must look closely at what your intentions are in relation to Joel. I might have got this wrong and if I did I’m sorry.

Next. I think that your comments and thoughts about your Sikh friend are completely valid. Now it is time to make a decision and act on it. If it feels right for you then it’s OK to go ahead with the plan. Don’t let yourself overthink it. Look at the goal and work back from that point. List the things that you will need to do to achieve the goal and then follow through. Get them all done systematically which you are very good at and go for it. If there are any obstacles, isolate them and work out solutions. I believe you are at the point of “doing” as opposed to thinking. Give yourself dates to work by if possible.

Life goes on. I think that one of our positives is that we don’t peg ourselves to an age but this can also work against us. I’m 70 and still want to keep creating like I’m 18 but the reality is that it is time for me to be consolidating my efforts and putting my attention on the things that will get me living a long and happy life without having the stress of not having enough money. So I need to focus. Maybe you need to focus on the things that are important to you.

I hope I’m not over stepping by giving you this advice but I love you and want you to fulfil your dreams.

Tuesday April 12, 2022

As the days to our arrival in Bali diminish the lists are getting more serious but shorter at the same time. We had planned on going to Red Hill today to finish the shed but I will try to convince Georgie that going on Thursday might be more practical. This way we will also know if Kaye has covid or not and if not we can take her out to lunch.

What I do need to do today is to prepare Finn’s vitamins and more food for the freezer, take off all of the paintings we are taking to Bali plus the smaller pieces of artwork, cards etc.

I am finding that I am waking up at 6.30 am which only gives me 7 hours sleep which overall is fine because my deep sleep is increasing and I feel very well rested as a rule.

My head is full of practical tasks to get done today so the idea of getting philosophical is not all that appealing but I will write about help.

HELP

I have wasted hours, days and years of my life believing that I can help people to live better and healthier lives. It’s not that I achieved all that much but I believe that I had good intentions. But as I get older and possibly wiser I have come to the conclusion that you have to really be thrifty about where you put your help flows as ultimately we all have to help ourselves based on our own needs and perceptions of life.

The definition of help is “to make it easier or possible for (someone) to do something by offering one’s services or resources.”

All you can do really is to actually do the hard yards for the other person on one end of the scale or to inspire them to raise themselves to greater heights at the other. There’s the old saying “Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day, teach him how to fish and …. “

But damn, it’s hard. You have your own standards and achievements as your guidelines but often do not take into account what the other person wants or what their awareness is.

Most of the time they think they know it all already. This is the single biggest block to growth because if you believe that you know it all then you have no chance of learning. There is a huge difference between knowing something and having an opinion about it. I am still trying to break my own habits on this one. I have to get better at saying “I don’t know enough about this subject to give an opinion”.

So many of us have opinions about subjects, conditions, other countries and people’s customs, religions, history, health …. the list goes on. 

The best thing we can do is to just accept that in order to make a sane decision we have to put in the hard yards by finding out as much as is humanly possible based on our own foundational knowledge. Underlying this is the desire “to know” or the acceptance that you don’t know all that much in the first place.

We have to realize that it is so bloody easy to be influenced by the opinions of others as some writers or presenters have an uncanny ability to put across a good case. There are always nuances and of course there is the persons basic beliefs. 

You could present the same case about the humanitarian treatment of refugees to 2 groups of people. One group might instantly align itself with your viewpoints on compassion and support while the others might see them as a threat to their own freedom and well being.

The deeper you go the more you realize that the human race is very complex, anarchistic and unwieldy.

But what if these basic traits and habits were passed down to us from earlier events in the timeline of earth. It is only in recent times that we have recorded information that future generations can study and ruminate over and for some reason we are stuck on the past 2 thousand years as being when the current civilization began.

What about creativity, music, art, war, story telling, learning on one hand and man’s atrocities toward each other, the barbarous act of dropping bombs on innocent people, our lack of foresight into a future crisis, war, greed and deceit on the other. These are the best and worst qualities of our species.

What if there is a hidden history in our past that has influenced the creation and evolution of the human race and life on this planet? It is quite possibly there in plain site but we have misunderstood it for religion as opposed to history. What if we have just misdefined words in the available documents that our beliefs and civilization are based upon?

You would think that logically mankind would be able to work together to rise to greater heights, to help each other unselfishly, to put our shoulders together just because it is the sane thing to do. Why do we need leaders? Leaders who often turn out to be despots with their own warped agendas.

Food for thought….

Monday April 11, 2022

An Existential Moment in Time

I am on the verge of understanding a need to have the ability to be able to willingly give up one’s possessions and connections in the physical universe including one’s memories.

I am not my body. I am not my mind.

That means that I am me. A state that I live with every moment of my existence but do not fully understand.

All I can come up with is that possessions act something like an anchor. They help you not float away. Ultimately we all have to give them up. Our houses, guitars, money, clothing, identities even our bodies.

I was in a float tank a couple of days ago and my attention went onto some impressions I have of possible past identities that I have assumed. The clarity with which I explored them was about the same intensity that I look back on my early years in Prahran and East Bentleigh. That is that I know I experienced certain sensations, locations, feelings and that there was some sort of time frame involved.

I’m not going to lie. Maybe I am looking for too much meaning, too much complexity. Maybe it is just a matter of letting go and accepting what is inevitable and what always will be as there is no other way. Items in the physical universe cannot persist for ever, in actual fact most of them have a limited life span. 

Life energy then cannot be a part of this universe although it can and does operate in it.

I have to keep coming back to acceptance. You cannot resist or fight against something that you have no control over. What you can control is your health, happiness and willingness to experience life as it happens. In the exact moment that it exists and that is all.

When I look around the room I am sitting in I find myself surrounded by bits and pieces that I have accumulated along the way. They represent certain aspects of my personality, my sense of aesthetics, my ability to define a position in the physical universe which is mine for now. Somebody can enter my space and recognize that it is different than other spaces and something about is is representative of me.

It is all transient. Really it cannot be any other way. Creation is an ongoing activity. In some ways there is no destruction, just continual creation and if I am what I believe myself to be then I have the ability to continue to create in the current moment. I was going to say forever, for infinity, for time immemorial but that in itself is a lie because time is only relevant in relation to the physical universe. What is to come will soon be a memory. A personal memory for me but a shared memory for our species. And none of it really means anything in the bigger picture.

Sunday April 10, 2022

Georgie and I will be in Bali in 8 days assuming we don’t get a dose of Covid before we leave. We are taking precautions so I predict all will go as planned and we will arrive next Monday.

Who would have ever thought in early February 2020 that it would be over 2 years since we could return.

The big difference on this trip is that we now have our own villa to stay in. Georgie has put in 2 years of hard work co-ordinating the renovation online from Australia. No mean feat considering that there were so many glitches with the builder, but having said that it could have been far worse.

I have a few ideas on the go at the moment. One of them being my admin scale, another the cancer survivor support group and yet another the project to market and sell the artwork that we have been carting around for years and years. It’s interesting how just writing about these projects can help to generate some forward motion. Chances are that I will not win Tattslotto so I do have to come up with ways to make money. 

Here’s a list of projects that I need to focus on.

  • Keto/Cancer Book
  • Art Sales Project
  • Japanese Print Project
  • Instagram following re Cancer/Keto
  • Bali AirBnB Project
  • Red Hill Bus Project
  • Cancer Support Group Project

That’s the ones that I can think of now. All of these projects have been started to a greater or lesser degree. There are others but these are the ones that could possibly make us some money.

For now I will be able to put some time into the book, instagram, the Bali AirBnB idea and the art sales while we are in Bali.

We will need some sort of schedule for Bali. My idea is to rise at 6 a.m and set off on our walk by 6.30. The walk should take about 90 minutes which will get us back to the villa by 8.30 at the latest. Due to our intermittent fasting schedule we won’t have to worry about breakfast anymore thank goodness. 

Saturday April 9, 2022

I am having my first float in about 15 months this morning. This was one of the original successful actions that got me on the road to lower stress and overall well being. It will be great to get back there.

I have to head off soon as I’m walking. If all goes as planned I should take about 1.25 hours to get there.

I got the storage units emptied out yesterday. Now it’s just a matter of tidying up the garage and finishing up at the shed at Red Hill. Then there’s the packing for Bali and a few other preparatory bits and pieces and god willing we will be in Bali in 9 days.

Flora has Covid. I took around some soup for her yesterday and will take a curry tonight. She sounded terrible on the phone but I suspect that she will be OK. It will be interesting to watch her symptoms and to compare them to Allissa. I really don’t believe that the vaccinations did too much to protect society. Nobody really gives a shit about Covid anymore. It’s old news and people are waiting for the next headline. Even the war in Ukraine didn’t hold their attention for too long.

We are being manipulated constantly so it is always of the utmost importance to remain aware and vigilant, informed and objective.

It’s time to start walking.

Friday April 8, 2022

 Yep. you got it. It’s Friday once again. Like starting a trip on a merry go round and ending up at the same agreed upon place every 7 days except if it wasn’t for the existence of the physical universe it would always be present time so really that sort of makes it present time doesn’t it?

I feel that I need to gain a deeper understanding of squamous cell carcinoma which was the sort of cancer that I had. I’ve not been confronting doing any more research but in the past couple of days I have taken a glimpse at a bit of information online. Possibly gaining a greater understanding will help my fortitude to stay on top of any chance of it taking off again. Overall I am doing pretty well. No effects from the cancer, none from the radiation worth talking about. I feel pretty damn normal and healthy considering my age and my lifestyle over the past quarter of a century. 

Maybe there needs to be a cancer group, you know “Hi, my name is Gary Collier. I have cancer!” The biggest issue is possibly pretending that it’s gone forever. I just have to accept that overall I did really well. Really, really well. My recovery was well deserved and earned.

I wonder how many people go through the experience of treating cancer and beating it through hard work or just simple luck but then through lack of education or simple laziness go on living a “normal” life. By this I mean eating processed foods, not exercising, putting on weight, drinking alcohol … you know, all of the “enjoyable” things in life that probably got you in trouble in the first place. 

Don’t get me wrong, a normal life is what a cancer survivor wants most of all but after the tribulations of whatever treatment you chose to approach your cancer there are certain protocols that I believe have to be adhered to.

The first and possibly most important is a complete change of lifestyle. Diet, exercise, environmental pollutants, good sleep, state of mind, stress levels … there are so many factors or tools that can be put to good use to enhance your bodies immune system to do its job and detect and destroy any rogue cancer cells which may or may not be planning to proliferate.

It’s not the sort of thing that most people are interested in talking about or maybe I’m wrong. But from my perspective it ’s a bit like somebody close dying, your friends will all heap loads of sympathy on you but there comes a point where they lose interest and feel that you just need to get on with your life. 

From my experience you get the initial congratulations and pats on the back but I sure as hell don’t feel that it is appropriate to talk about cancer or the chances of it returning or what I am doing to keep my body clean and functioning as it should.

I had the idea a couple of days ago to look into the viability of creating a support group based on Alcoholics Anonymous that could meet once a week or once a fortnight for people to talk about what they are doing to move forward, what they are feeling, their fears, maybe hooking up with a “twin” who can check on your progress. People could also recommend any methods that they are using to stay healthy and strengthen their immune systems or to recommend podcasts, research, diets.

Cancer kills so many people in our society. It is the second biggest killer after cardio vascular disease. Doesn’t that make this an important idea to pursue?

I personally think that it is.

But the big question is “How do I start?”. Who do I contact? Where do I get funding? Would the government be open to supporting groups like this?

Maybe I should do an “admin scale” on this and lay out what the goals, purposes, plans, projects, statistics etc could or should be.

Food for thought!

Thursday April 7, 2022

Aches and pains, slight headaches, slightly runny nose, vaguely scratchy throat. Enough to suspect Covid but I screwed up the R.A.T and got an invalid notice on the strip. I slept for almost 12 hours last night. The first time I have been so extravagant for what seems like years. I dreamt for 3.5 hours which was like being an extra in a Francis Ford Coppola version of my life. And after all of that I have awoken feeling pretty damn good. Just for the record, I did take an ivermectin, curcutex, other supplements and Dr Eng’s protocol. My lower back is still a rough sore. I will do another RAT later today.

The main part of our move is almost out of the way. I can get the next couple of loads into our garages today and then we’ll only have the issue of the huge John Martono.

That’s life at the moment.

Today my friend John Sullivan is turning 73 years old. I first met him in 1974. I can’t remember who introduced us but it was either through our mutual friend Peter Davies or just that he came into Earthgate and started talking one day. Ironically, this is when he first met a teenage Flora. Before too long John was turning up to Netty’s handicraft shop and making his way to the kitchen to eat one of her simple but legendary lunches while he spent his mornings and afternoons across the park having auditing at what was then known as The Church of the New Faith. He almost looked oriental, like a character straight out of an illustration from an Arabian Nights book or maybe a pirate book, I can visualise the artist’s work but can’t remember his name right now. Anyway back to John. He was very slim and had long straight dark brown hair and at least a moustache on his face and wore what I remember to be a long hand knitted blue cardigan that had coloured horizontal stripes that looked sort of Afghani  and which had a tie/belt around the middle so it fit tightly on his hips and crossed over at the front to make it look even more exotic. He looked a bit like the apprentice of some wise old sorcerer. This is possibly an astute observation seeing that he had become immersed in Scientology and the philosophy of L Ron Hubbard who was floating around the Caribbean in a ship at the time.

I was back and forward to Healesville at this point in my life and wasn’t quite ready to stop smoking marijuana and popping LSD so it wasn’t really until the latter part of the first half of 1975 that I touched paths with John again. He lived in a house with his partner Sue and some other people just of Hawthorn Rd which was not only near the Scientology building but also pretty close to Earthgate where I squatted when I needed a bed. But by this stage I had left Healesville, Flora had left me and I had just done my last hippy hurrah in Sydney’s run down inner suburb of Glebe. I was just about to give up drugs and immerse myself in the pursuit of self awareness.

To cut a long story short John and I became friends and our lives have been intertwined for the past 47 years.

Back when I met John he was 26, I was 22 and Flora was 18.

Wednesday April 6, 2022

My phone rang through the house this morning at 7am like a missile being dropped on an unsuspecting neighbourhood that was still fast asleep and tucked in bed. The thoughts that ran through my head bounced around like a metal ball in a pinball machine. Was it “A” in trouble, was it a scammer? Then the daylight saving justifications of “It would have been 8am last week”.

I live in a house that is very, very quiet in the morning. Finn and Georgie don’t have a great tolerance for loud sounds, loud music or anything apart from Georgie being totally unaware that she has the TV volume up so high that it shakes the house.

That’s just the way things are and the chances of them changing are minimal, change is almost certainly not going to happen based on the current situation.

Georgie has trouble understanding why I need to talk to “A” so much about her relationship woes. I scratch my head when she says this. As a parent it doesn’t matter how old you kids are. From my perspective you always have to be there for them. 

There are certain things in my life that will possibly never be resolved and maybe it is me that is approaching the problem from the wrong perspective. This is something that I will have to work through and come to some sort of resolution. I spent 2 decades hiding stuff from one or the other and subscribing to more than 1 moral code. This ended up in heart break so I know empirically that this approach doesn’t work.

The outcome of this will be based on my skills to communicate and to be compassionate and tolerant.

Tuesday April 5, 2022

I got a message from my friend Jude yesterday. My answer.

Hi Jude It will take time to get used to recording data in the app. You can actually enter your own recipes in the app and then break it down into serving sizes. It takes a bit of work doing the initial entry but if it is something you eat a lot of then it really helps later on. Then there’s the lists of “brands” that the app has in it. They cover a lot of different items and brands, have you got your head around that?

Re GKI, you divide the ketone reading into the Glucose reading. Thomas Seyfried recommends aiming for a GKI of 1 but that is pretty hard. I had it around 2 a lot of the time but it fluctuates a bit. I recommend working out a time that you feel comfortable with each day, possibly just before lunch. Your GKI based on the figures you sent today was 6.57. The biggest trick I found was to find fats that were both yummy and nutritious. When I got to the 75% fat I hardly ever got hungry, that’s the killer. You should try to strive for no hunger but it also takes time for you metabolism to adapt. I’m having my own little challenge at the moment. Dr Eng referred me to a dentist to get my amalgam taken out a while ago and I decided to get some implants too fill the holes in the back of my mouth. I needed braces to realign my jaw so here I am, 70 years old with a mouth full of bloody braces. I’m now having to learn how to make keto baby food. Quite a challenge but I’m getting there. I’m even doing weird things like mashing home made pesto with konjac noodles so the mush goes down easily without chewing. never thought I’d be in this position but it may be worth the effort in the long run.

Please, please, please ring me if you need any help. I don’t want to “contradict” what you are doing with anyone else but I can help with some things. Look after yourself.

Now my response to my sister, Helen.

Good Morning Ginge … I’m getting used to the braces. They still drive me crazy at times but overall I’m happy with the progress. I’ll need to write a cookbook for “elderly” braces user’s because trust me doing keto baby food has been a challenge but I’m getting my head around it now. I made a soup yesterday with bone broth, cauliflower and home made pesto with some parmesan … all mashed up in the NutriBullet. Turned out to be delicious, nutritious and also filling. But having said that I will be glad when they come out in a year. We leave for Bali in 13 days. We are too busy to be excited. Currently moving all of our artwork down to the shed at Red Hill. So much stuff! But it will save $900 a month in storage fees. We got a slab poured in the shed. We do a trip down each day. Apart from that I do epsom salt baths and “home massages” to ease my aches and pains. But overall I can’t complain. I’m very happy with life. veggie garden needs some love but I will get onto that soon.

Now Netty.

Hi Nett I dreamt about you and David last night. We are in a  whirlpool getting ready to go to Bali in 13 days. Currently moving all of our artwork from local storage to Red Hill. There is a big shed up there and we got a concrete slab poured, saves $900 a month in storage fees. But doing a load and a trip down there every day takes its toll on my old body. Did Helen tell you that I have braces on my teeth like a bloody kid. Driving me crazy but my jaw needs to be re-aligned so the implants go in properly in a year. How are you and David doing. I’d love to see you both but the way things are going I may not be able to before leaving for Bali. How is your health?

Lastly “A”

Good morning. Sorry I didn’t ring last night, I was buggered after the big trip and loading and unloading. Third day in a row but worthwhile. I’m doing a few loads from the storage units to the garage at home today. No Red Hill. Will go down again tomorrow. I may be able to do it without a big truck. I’m doing well thanks to the Theragun. Best gift you could have given me.

Monday April 4, 2022

I jokingly called Finn a “Fluid Cynic” last night. He felt that this label was quite appropriate in its nuances to describe his approach to the world. The other option that I forwarded was the “Solid Cynic” referring to a couple of other family members who have such strong viewpoints that no conversation or discussion is possible.

When I bid him goodnight I said “Goodnight FC” and then realized that this was also his initials. He didn’t catch on immediately but soon got the pun when I said “Goodnight fluid cynic”. He quickly quipped back “Ah. Goodnight GC …. gastronomic creator”.

So it looks like we have become a family of cynics. The definition of a cynic is one who believes that people are motivated purely by self-interest rather than acting for honourable or unselfish reasons. I suppose a lot of people fall into this category of operating on self interest. I fits into the concept of narcissism or an inability to view somebody else’s perspective.

From my observation there are more and more people who operate on second hand knowledge. Knowledge that is being supplied to them through newspapers, social media, TV, empty words spend from the mouths of politicians and those with vested interests. They believe the words of the “experts” and “authorities” without doing any research on their own steam. Who knows, the people who are stating theses viewpoints or proclaiming what is right and what is wrong may really believe what they are saying even if it is based on ideology and not facts. Deep down they believe that what they are saying is the best viewpoint for the well being of society. But unfortunately, this is not good enough. It is flawed and leads to mass hypnotism and polarization. Individuals are being categorised into generalized groups like “conspiracy theorists” and “anti-vaxxers”, now it is even extending to “pro-Putin”. 

The reality is that every situation has countless nuances which depend on many different factors. It is so easy to believe what you are being told by an apparent “expert”, even parents are guilty of spreading false information to their children. Ironically these same “experts” have weaponized words like “false information, mis-information” and bandy them around like rogue governments that use smart bombs to randomly kill innocent people.

Unfortunately our society has become one that thrives on fast food and “fast information”, always waiting for the next headline to break, almost, if not always ready to believe the drivel that is being fed to them.

Where does that place a person who wants to know more, who feels a need to question what they are being told? 

Does this now mean that if you delve into the history of a situation or look at different scientific or general viewpoints that you are a right wing conspiracy theorist? Unfortunately the answer looks like it is “Yes”.

For example, I have just become aware of a supposed huge, double blinded, randomized study done on the efficacy of ivermectin. Newspapers are already quoting the findings and quoting the so called results that say that ivermectin is 100% not effective against Covid. Somebody will read these reports and quote them without diving deep into the actual study which from my research so far looks to be flawed and not really all that scientifically carried out. I will continue to do more research into this myself, for my own information.

It has come to the point in our everyday conversations that intelligent, healthy debate is not possible. What a pity. Another example I have recently heard is that people are blindly saying that podcaster Joe Rogan is a danger to society, that he is responsible for spreading false information about vaccinations and Covid 19. When asked if they have listened to any of his podcasts most of them have to admit that they have not. This to me is cringe worthy and to be frank, it is bloody dangerous. Anything that curtails open discussions and helps fire an unwillingness for people to listen to alternative possibilities just has to be bad for a society.

So back to last night’s quips to my son. I see a fluid cynic as being one who questions peoples blind acceptance of the party line but is still open enough to look at both sides, even having empathy and compassion for all parties. Conversely, I see a solid cynic as one who believes some of this second hand information and blindly trusts it to the point of not being able to even be willing to accept (in any way) that there may be other possibilities.

At least the first option allows some sort of ongoing communication.

General

Hi Flora

It must look like I’ve dropped off the radar. The past 2 weeks have been very eventful. Firstly I’ve had braces put on my teeth in anticipation of getting implants down the track. This has turned into an ordeal that I never anticipated but through the discomfort, gritted teeth and pain I am slowly getting used to them. I’m thinking of writing a cookbook with “baby food” recipes for adults having dental work. The other “distraction” has been moving all of our artwork to Red Hill. We got a concrete slab pored and have been doing almost daily trips to Red Hill to pack the artwork into the new shed which we need to finish before we leave for Bali on the 18th. Sorry I’ve stopped out of touch. When is John’s birthday? I hope I haven’t missed it! I’ll give you a call in the next couple of days. We are going down to Red Hill again today with another load.

Sunday April 3 , 2022

Daylight savings time came to an abrupt ending at 2 am this morning and now we are back on the time we have all agreed upon for millennia. This is the first year that I have greeted eastern standard time after the summer with a knowledge of what the circadian rhythm is. I haven’t quite worked out how this will impact my sleep but I will find out over the next few days.

It looks like the end of daylight saving has far less impact than the beginning but still its worth keeping an eye on what happens.

The other action that I need to take today is to re-adjust the power boards in the bedroom and any other electrical appliances just in case they are impacting our sleep negatively.

General

I had a headache last night and woke up this morning with an ache still there. Could I have covid? I’ll do a test a bit later to see what comes up. If I’m OK we should go down to Red Hill later today and deliver the load of artwork. I took my weekly ivermectin yesterday. 

My teeth are slowly improving. It starts in the morning with an awareness of the new alignment but the more attention I put on them the worse it becomes. The more I resist putting my attention on my teeth the more it goes there. Catch 22. I’ve been doing better with eating and preparing food that will not involve any chewing. All in all I am heading in the right direction.

My reactions to Georgie need some serious work. I have to first make a firm decision that it is OK not to feel a need to respond when she accuses me of something that I feel that I am not guilty of, even more important is to curb my desire to go “tik for tak”, this also applies to that I perceive to be back seat driving. The simple truth is that continuing as I am will not change anything for the better so I’ve got nothing to lose as long as I remain conscious of and in control of my responses and have the goal of “pleasantness” as the preferred outcome.

My sleep wasn’t quite up to scratch last night. Deep sleep was down. I started the night without the sleep apnea machine and then put it on at 3am. maybe not a good idea. I also left my small earbud in last night with podcasts quietly rambling in the background. I have work to do on my sleep hygiene.

Saturday April 2, 2022

We are back at Mooroolbark. What a day we had at Red Hill. Intense work and activity but well worth all of it. I’ll need to make a new load today and pack as much into the van as is humanly possible so we can head off again tomorrow night for another big day on Monday.

My teeth! Yes, the never ending saga of my teeth. Pain and suffering in the present in order to have happiness and big, straight choppers in the future. I made some konjac noodles with fresh home made pesto for dinner and almost choked on them. Ultimately, bone broth is my best solution for now but it is so damn good to have a real chewy type food meal every now and again but as I said, the consequences are not always worth the small pleasure. So yesterday I had some “not so moist” salmon and spinach then I made my pesto noodles, plus a bowl on rhubarb, strawberries and cream.

My sleep was great last night. Not only did I get 9 hours asleep but I got 80 minutes deep sleep, 2.5 hours REM. Was this because I took the charging station out of the bedroom? More work on electricity and bedroom conditions today because that is what I am after. Good quality, rejuvenating sleep.

Friday April 1, 2022

Today is April Fools Day as well as Kaye’s 84th birthday. While April Fool’s Day seems to be a European tradition its origins are uncertain. I stopped doing the jokes years ago, I think I just find it distasteful to shock people anymore although I did get a kick out of it when I was younger.

Yesterday was eventful, apart from doing a huge amount of work we had a drama with the van almost rolling down the hill at Red Hill and smashing into the house. The funny thing was that I had some sort of premonition that something untoward was going to happen while driving up and down the hill to the “new” shed. Tragedy was averted and the RACV tow truck got us out of trouble. There is still more work to do this morning to wrap up what we have started and to secure the artwork from the weather plus we have to get the house ready for our guests. All of this has to be done by 12 noon so we can hot foot it down to Melbourne to celebrate Kaye’s birthday.

Finn didn’t come with us. I understand from his perspective but at the same time I am sad for him that he doesn’t have the fortitude to contribute to the family as a group. It doesn’t bode well for his future but who knows everything might work out fine. I sure as hell hope it does.

My mouth is still a disaster area. I mainly drank chicken bone and ham hock broth yesterday but got down some sardines, avocado and a bit of the ham hock meat which was tender enough to sort of suck and swallow. This made a mess of my teeth in the sense that the braces filled with debris from the flesh. I suspect broths will become my best friend for quite some time. I sure as hell won’t be chewing anymore meat for a while.

Bali is in just a bit over 2 weeks now. So much to do before we go but overall it is achievable with hard work and planning. There are several things that will need to be put on lists and followed up but it looks like all is well and things will go smoothly.

I have to admit that I do have concerns about Finn being on his own for 5 weeks but this just has to be OK now that he is 22 years old. What went wrong?

8 am is fast approaching. I will need to wake Georgie and get the ball rolling.

Thursday March 31, 2022

Today marks the 71st anniversary of my parents wedding day. Its significance to me is that I was conceived soon after and the rest is “history”. Happy anniversary Mum and Dad wherever you are.

I started doing my own personal “admin scale” recently and one of the projects that I have embarked upon is to increase my knowledge of my bodily functions on a cellular level. The more I look into it the more I get an inkling that the particular organelles called mitochondria are highly relevant and significant to my overall health and potential longevity. I don’t have a strong foundation in biology but I have become more and more intrigued by it over the past 3 years since I have been focusing more on repairing the earlier damage I did to my body.

From my very basic understanding each cell contains up to thousands of tiny bacterial organelles that have their own DNA whose purpose is to create ATP which in turn results in energy. I get the idea that even though the mitochondria are in my cells they are symbiotic to my own DNA and nucleus. Fellow travellers that I need to create a clean and safe environment for that in turn will repay me with health and energy. I sure need to dig deeper on this basic level of understanding but it is a starting point. 

The first time I became interested in mitochondria was when I was doing research into cancer in early 2020. I had been diagnosed with SCC cancer and was attempting to get an understanding of what was happening to my body and what I could do to turn it around. I came across the work of Dr Thomas Seyfried whose basic premise is at its foundation that cancer is a metabolic disease and is precipitated by damaged mitochondria. The mitochondria can be damaged by an unhealthy lifestyle, pollutants, poisons, chemicals, lack of exercise and general mismanagement of the body. Pretty basic really and on the level that I understood this it made enough sense to me to base my anti cancer strategy on.

But I sure as hell wouldn’t pass an exam on the function and healthy maintenance of mitochondria.

What I do have an inkling of is that I need to look at them as something that I need to care for. As I said earlier, I have a symbiotic relationship with these organelles and as such I have a responsibility to care for them. The more I can contribute to and help create healthy and more prolific mitochondria the greater chance I have of being healthy and staying alive. In other words I rely on them and they rely on me. Symbiosis.

My next task is the broaden my understanding of what actually happens and what I can actively do to contribute to maintaining their health and causing them to proliferate.

So far I believe I am taking steps in the right direction but now I need to “up the anti” with a greater understanding of what they are and what I need to do to make them happier and more effective. It looks like on a fundamental level I need to further improve my lifestyle, quality and quantity of food, supplements. I need to do the right amount of exercise and physical activity to help them divide and get stronger and in turn they will give me the energy I need as my body gets older.

Wednesday March 30, 2022

I have started working on an admin scale for myself and Georgie. I have lived with this concept for decades but have never fully understood or embraced the simplicity of what one could or would do to put one together. Now that I have started exploring my admin scale for the rest of my life I have a clarity that I have never experienced before. Maybe the shrouds of uncertainty have been cast away or maybe I have simply evolved as a person to be able to see things more clearly.

Whichever one it is I am enjoying this “star of mind” and I am feeling quite exited about finishing putting it together and also (and more importantly) putting it into practise.

Later In The Day

I feel like I’ve been hit by a ton of bricks. Pain is racking my body, my mouth aches like it’s run a marathon, my feet are throbbing and my spirits are low. I’ve just spent about 2 hours in the bath watching documentaries about Linda Ronsthadt and Chairman Mao. I would have melted if I had stayed in the water for a minute longer. My poor old body is in shock and feels inflamed, unhappy and tired. I fear that it is revolting against my efforts to repair my mouth. It is 7.15pm and I could easily go to bed for the night but that wouldn’t be a good idea as I would be awake at 2 am.

Big day tomorrow. There is a huge amount of work ahead but I reckon I can recover enough by then to get it done.

Tuesday March 29, 2022

If time were a commodity that I had in the bank then I am working as hard to replenish it as I am to use it up. That is a viewpoint that I have never really looked at before and in its own way the concept helps to understand why one has to work hard to stay alive longer and healthier.

On a more mundane note, I slept in this morning wafting off to have stupid dreams that I no longer remember except that they had something to do with me being a father.

Now I’m up and I have a relatively big day ahead of moving artwork to and fro soap to empty out our smaller storage unit and prepare the others to start their journey to Red Hill.

The concrete was poured yesterday and the space will be semi functional by Thursday afternoon, hopefully Finn will help me get the artwork already there up the hill and into the shed.

Bali is 3 weeks away. Finally, we are returning after more than a 2 year hiatus. Lots of work to do and problems to solve but overall it will be loads of fun.

I don’t think I need to pursue any more understanding of the current conflict in Ukraine. My heart goes out for the individuals who are being killed and wounded and their families and loved ones, my heart cries out for those who will now become refugees and lose their homes and possessions. These people are the pawns in the larger game being played by the worlds major powers and the vested interest who control them. Apart from that it is just history repeating itself in the same patterns that have come and gone before. It must be something programmed into our DNA. The need to have power, to control more land, more money, the need to not lose face. What the fuck happened to compassion, love and co-operation. I’m pretty certain that when our species lived in smaller tribes these same cycles happened as well over food, women, ego. It is no longer something I need to understand. 

What I do need to understand and learn about is how to improve the financial quality of our own lives. We are both intelligent people who have abilities and the wherewithal to learn about the ebbs and flows of money. Unfortunately it is not something that greatly interests me mainly because I am pretty old school and somewhere along the line I got caught up in the equity of the barter system which by the way didn’t always work out in my favour. There was something exotic about exchanging goods and services of the same value. The machinations of capitalism never appealed to me enough to warrant putting the time into understanding its peccadilloes enough to use them to my advantage. 

Where I have gone off the tracks in the past has been in the area of infrastructure. By this I mean building up something that is then hard to break down and discard. 

Looks like I will need to practise what I preach and do a bit of a BE, DO, HAVE project to work out a plan and projects to achieve the goal that I come up with.

Admin Scale

This is the first draft of an admin scale that addresses our financial situation. The existing situation is that we have run out of liquidity. All of our money is with in the Mooroolbark house, the Bali Villa and work we are doing to cut costs for the storage of the artworks.

Firstly, here are the definitions and sequence of the steps in an Administrative Scale based on the work of L Ron Hubbard. Overall these concepts are pretty practical, pragmatic and if followed I believe they can help bring about something tangible.

Goals

A goal is something that a person wants to do or have, so he directs his actions toward achieving it. A goal often covers a long period of time.

Purposes

A purpose is a goal that is smaller in importance or in the area it covers. A purpose applies to specific activities within the overall goal.

For example, if you have the goal to be a professional basketball player, the purposes could be to achieve fame and earn a lot of money.

Policy

Policy consists of rules or guidelines that one decides on. Policies are long-range and are not likely to change.

Plans

A plan is a method of how to achieve something. It consists of the basic actions that have to be carried out to improve something or to solve a problem. A plan is usually based on the available resources (money, employees, equipment, facilities, supplies, etc.) and includes smart ideas of how to use them.

Programs

A program is a series of steps in sequence to carry out a plan.

Projects

A project is a series of steps in sequence to carry out one step of a program.

Orders

An order is a direction to someone to do a step of a program or project.

Ideal Scenes

The ideal scene says what a scene or area ought to be. It is something that can be achieved. Any activity also has an existing scene, which is the way something is right now. When you compare an ideal scene with an existing scene, you can see what needs to be changed in order to bring the area closer to the ideal.

Statistics

A statistic is a number or an amount compared to an earlier number or amount of the same thing. Statistics measure production and show how much is being accomplished.

Valuable Final Products

A valuable final product is something that can be exchanged with other activities. Exchange means to give something valuable in return for something valuable. A valuable final product can be exchanged for support, such as food, clothing, money or cooperation.

Based on my goal to live at least until February 5th, 2052 I will need to be healthy, fit, in good mental condition and financially viable for the next 30 years. This “Admin Scale” is based on the “financially Viable” part of the goal. The existing condition is that we are pretty much unviable in terms of financial liquidity. I get about $350 each week from the government and will continue to do so. Georgie does not have an income apart from what we make from our management and cleaning fees for the Red Hill AirBnB. So our outgoings are currently greater than our income. I am not certain how much we need to make each week to pay our current living expenses and live a stress free and fulfilled life but it has got to be at least $1500 or $75,000 a year (that’s just a rough guess). We have assets in the artwork that we have left over from the business but this has also incurred a significant amount of costs to store over the past few years. We are currently creating a space to store them at Red Hill but this is costing upward of $10,000 which we have to make back. We also have the assets of our house in Bali which will be ready to let out on AirBnB by mid May for the periods that we are not there. Being there (in Bali) will lower our cost of living.

Some of the questions that need answering are :

  • How long will it take to pay our house off while paying the lowest possible repayment?
  • Can we sell our Lexus and pay out our lease?
  • Is it feasible to consider setting up an AirBnB “enterprise” in Bali above and beyond Villa Tusk?
  • Do we have any “unusual”ideas or plans to sell our existing artwork?
  • How can we utilise out Tusk brand to generate art sales without investing too much time or money?
  • Is there any chance that our own personal experiences to get healthy can be turned into a business advising others on how to achieve a similar condition?
  • Any other ideas….

So first thing. What is our goal?

To live a happy, stressless, healthy and fit life full of fun, learning, creativity and adventure for at least the next 30 years (or more) with enough money to eat well, live well, cover medical and travel costs, clothing and other necessities.

How would this look? Firstly we would wake up every morning looking forward to the coming day, refreshed, well and happy and we would go to sleep each night looking forward to a long restorative and restful sleep. There would be some form to the day but we would be open to a change of direction at the drop of a hat.

We would be able to cover all of our basic costs like mortgage, food, petrol, supplements, health protocols, power and energy bills, internet and subscriptions for music and entertainment, websites etc. etc.

There would be enough money left over to spend a few months each year travelling and being able to stay in decent locations including our time in Bali. We could buy new clothing when needed plus a few other luxury items after the basic bills have been covered.

We would continue to learn new things whether it be about our health, mental well being, exercise, the state of the world, philosophy, music, art … this will give us lots to talk about and also give us loads of inspiration to expand and grow.

What is the purpose of all of this?

Whatever it is that we currently have the point is that it is something to be cherished and appreciated. Existence, life and consciousness is magical and needs to be truly marvelled in while it lasts. That is my purpose. 

To bask in the magical but fleeting experience that is my life and to do whatever is possible to contribute to others having a wonderful and pleasant experience as well. 

There is no time for bickering or causing harm to others. All of my energy should be directed at making things better for myself and Georgie, my kids, friends and anyone else I come in touch with either in person or indirectly.

POLICY ( Rules and Guidelines)

Yes. Rules and guidelines, self discipline and a pathway  to travel to stay on the right path and direction.

As life is all about constant creation then my policies need to be centred around making this happen.

Policy is an ever evolving factor that should be based on survival of self and others. As new situations arrive policy can be based on the outcomes and observations that occur along the way. It is something that I will need to put together as we move forward but overall there are several very workable policies that I have adopted over the past three years that have served me well. Once stated and proven to be workable these policies set parameters that help me stay in agreement with Georgie, Finn, Allissa, others and also with myself.

General policies include :

  • never drinking alcohol or knowingly putting any poison in my body.
  • eating a very healthy diet that consists of a small amount of carbohydrates, a moderate amount of protein and a larger amount of fat. Food is fuel and its main purpose is to give my body the nutrients and minerals that it needs to thrive as well as to maintain and repair itself. Having said that there is also a need to make it a pleasant pastime that enhances our happiness.
  • exercise on a daily basis.
  • writing down my thoughts and feelings on a daily basis. This has become an integral part of my life as it keeps me focused on what is happening in my life. It adds to my ability to stay on the ball and to be mindful as well as grateful about my life.
  • being aware of the consequences of my actions and intentions. The reason for this is that if I want a positive outcome for myself and others then I have to consciously practise observing the impact that my actions, reactions and responses have on myself, others and my environment.
  • doing what is possible to have 8 hours of good restorative sleep each night so my body, mind and brain can recover and stay happy, healthy and strong.

Plans

This is where we need to get creative and innovative using existing resources and our general intelligence and creative thinking. These are the broad actions that we need to carry out in order to move toward our goal. It is pretty easy to get side tracked and waste a huge amount of energy going off on tangents which might ultimately end up in quicksand. 

Monday March 28, 2022

I came out to the kitchen this morning to find the floor covered in towels. First thought was that Finn had wanted to lie down on the kitchen floor but that didn’t see feasible so after scratching my head for a short few seconds I realized that I had left the water filter in an open position after filling it last night and it had leaked all over the floor. hence the towels.

I was back to a shitty night of deep sleep last night and I feel like it. I couldn’t give a reason for this apart from the simple fact that I probably have to stop going to sleep with my earphones on while listening to podcasts. All that talking can’t be doing me all that good while I sleep.

My mouth is calming down although I still feel like I have a chicken coup in my mouth. The cutting, prodding and overall inflammation calmed down yesterday. I made a great meal for lunch which was simply egg and veggies that I worked out how to lick to get some taste sensation and then swallow with minimal chewing and I had a “protein” drink for dinner.

I’m still hoping that I will feel close to normal by mid week.

We are heading back to Red Hill later this morning to deliver another load of artwork plus Georgie will check the progress of the shed. There are a few complications that had been unforeseen but Georgie is resolving them now.

Villa Tusk Restaurants

Even though Villa Tusk is nestled quite a way down a very quiet gang (small laneway) and is very close to acres of rice paddies it is also within walking distance of many diverse restaurants covering many cuisines and price brackets. Within 10 minutes walk there must be at least 50 places were you can enjoy a meal. Here is a list of just a few of these great restaurants and cafes.

Sunday March 27, 2022

History is a reckoning of what came before. It isn’t always accurate but there again with the passing years it becomes easier to tell the truth. The media world carries on about misinformation, disinformation and malinformation so much these days but at the same time never seem to get called out for not referencing what happened in the years, decades and even centuries leading up to a war, a pandemic, a sudden rise of a new disease. If you look hard enough you can generally find the antecedents of current events on plain view in earlier articles, books, documentaries. Information that can clarify why something is happening now. 

I admit that you still have to be careful about your sources or the intelligence and objectivity of the people you listen to but with a bit of digging you can usually find the information that will shine a light on the events of the present.

What this means to me is that the “masses” have lost the ability to use logic and reason in their assessment of life. They get lazy and tend to believe what they are being fed by the vested interest media.

There is probably enough information available now to justify a deep dive into the antecedents of the pandemic, the lab leak theories that lurked around the fringes during the pandemic. There is also a huge amount of information available that covers the conflict between Russia, The Ukraine and where the USA and NATO fit into the picture. You would also need to look at Cuba in late 1962 when Fidel Castro invited the USSR to put missiles on the island and what America’s reaction was to this. You would need to understand nationalism and the power and pride it stokes in people who are threatened by an outside force who is attacking them. History is littered with examples.

Another example is the current health problems of the developed world … heart attacks, cancer, diabetes, metabolic syndrome (obesity), alzheimer’s disease and and array of other modern illnesses that seemed to proliferate overnight. To understand this you would need to take a deep dive into agriculture, mono cropping, fertilizers and insecticides. You would need to study the rise of processed food, fast food and the financial entities that rose up around these activities.

The answers are generally there in broad daylight but only for those who take the time and effort to dig deep and uncover what came before.

Almost every headline has a road that leads to it.

I am shocked that in this age of information that so few of us are interested in the past. 

To understand the road ahead we must be willing to look at the road already travelled.

General

Sunday morning, autumn, blue skies and a beautiful ambience all around. I am convinced that I can make it to 100 years old in a healthy and fit state. I have no idea what will become of me after this time but there is nothing much I can do about this apart from living the best possible life that I can right now and imbuing it with optimism and integrity.

I am applying the datum that to keep the physical universe under control that we have to be in a constant state of creation. Nothing stays the same. If you do nothing the external forces of nature and self abuse will take their toll. Things only get better if you take tried and tested actions, do the right things, eat the right food that works for you and more. 

I am so pleased that I have arrived at this point in my life with this attitude. I can only attribute my viewpoints to what came before in my life plus my willingness to have an open mind and a curiosity that borders on “nerdish” at times. But you know what? It keeps me on my toes both physically and mentally plus it puts me in a condition where I am mindful of what is happening to me and around me. By me I mean myself. Not my body, not my mind. 

That is my mantra. I am not my body. I am not my mind. But at the same time I have both of those commodities and I have to continually look after them, create them, exercise them and keep them healthy and happy.

Forever is only a state of mind. All that ever really exists is now.

Saturday March 26, 2022

For the very first time I feel that my human rights have been violated. Being told that I could not partake in certain social activities was one thing. For some reason I could tolerate and accept this because it was by my own choice. I had made my own decision that I would give up theses so called freedoms. It is only now that I have finally been vaccinated after 2 years of holding out that I realize how thoroughly obscene the Australian and Victorian Governments strategy has been. 

Last night we made a booking to go to the Peninsula Hot Springs on the Mornington Peninsula. It has been about a year since we last went, maybe more. In that time the new laws have come into power that unvaccinated people are not allowed to attend this facility. On booking we found out that to get in we had to use an app called Services Victoria. This app uses QR codes to keep an eye on you and until recently people were using it to gain entry to any business or public place. It turns out that you have to download your vaccination certificates onto this app and without it you cannot get into the Hot Springs.

I feel violated by this bureaucratic bullshit. The fact that they have been able to get away with this indicates to me what the future will bring. Exclusion and punishment for those who do not conform to the wishes of the current government. Fuck, what sort of future is that. It is one thing to decide to agree to the moral codes and rules of a society or group. We have been doing that for centuries and it serves a valid purpose. Yes, in certain cases the survival of the group outweighs the rights of the individual but this has to be based on common sense, some moral code or law that genuinely protects the other members of the group. In our case, at this point in time this is not what is happening. The vaccines that we have been forced to receive do not protect us or others from the virus that they are supposedly used against. They are labelled “safe and effective” but that is a lie. It has been scientifically proven that the vaccines are not safe and they are not effective. So where does that leave us as a society? Have we been hoodwinked? Have we been deceived? Are we reduced to apathy or fear where we just bend to the authorities and accept our fate.

Unfortunately, I believe the answer is yes. This is the beginning of a new age of surveillance and control. Big brother has arrived in all his glory with all the guns and whistles that George Orwell predicted all those years ago. Conformity is the new “norm”. The people of the world have been duped into believing that giving up their rights is going to be necessary to receive the protection that the state says it will give much the same as a parent who tells harmful lies to their children to protect them from the evils of the world. Putting or even worse, implanting false ideas and securities into their psyche to create an illusion of safety and succour.

This is not the world I was born into. I have made choices throughout my life to not subscribe to this sort of control and yet here it is, staring me in the face. Controlling me like a sheep dog does to a flock of sheep who just follow the leader into an invisible trap.

But alas. I have bended. I have knowingly gone along with these fuckers in order to allow myself the simple pleasure of visiting a health spa.What will I do next to be able to enjoy the freedom that is rightfully mine? That is the spine chilling question.

Who knows what reality is the correct one to subscribe to. As with everything else it is only agreement which dictates what is considered to be good and correct behaviour. The people of North Korea know no other way so as a society they willingly bend to their leaders wishes and rules. It doesn’t take much to guilt people into bending over. Look at what is happening with the current trend of “Cancel culture” which has its roots in political correctness. It is one thing to be polite, considerate and caring of those around us but quite another to have draconian viewpoints, no matter how “liberal” they are called, forced upon us at the risk of being subjected to the scrapheap of social un-acceptance. 

Yet it is happening. People pretending to subscribe to viewpoints that they know are bullshit to just get by in a society that is on the verge of moving toward the one that exists in North Korea.

It is now going to be up to my own personal integrity to make my own choices in regard to what is right. I am proud of both of my children who have both stuck to their guns throughout this time of upheaval and compromise.

Friday March 25, 2022

I never really expect anybody to genuinely ask me “How are you? I do to selected people but not enough. Maybe when you aren’t asked a lot it seems special when you are. I’m not certain as I haven’t really thought about it before. Staying in proper touch with people is a big commitment so I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no real point in having loads of meaningless relationships or even spending hours on those that at the top of the pyramid. For now I will pick and choose who I devote time to. I am so far from being lonely and for me all it takes is somebody else in front of me or on the phone and I can feed my need for communication almost instantly.

But I must say that it is very special to have somebody ask such a simple question as “How are you?” and really mean it. Not one of those throw away lines that people spew out and then freak out when you give a detailed and honest answer.

I met a girl the same age as Allissa when I was having my treatments at Dr Engs clinic named Cathy. We struck up lots of great communications and she has stayed in touch. I’m the same age as her Dad but she somehow makes me feel like one of her peers. That’s nice.

Hi Cat

It’s so nice to have somebody apart from your immediate family checking that you are OK. I’ve never really thought about it before but so few people ask. So let me start with a big thank you.

Overall I’m certain that I would have been better off without the vaccination. It’s hard to put your finger on reactions but my energy levels dropped after the 2 vaccinations and I didn’t feel quite as enthusiastic about life. But there again it could have been something else as well. My latest adventure is at the dentist. I am planning on having implants to fill up some of the gaps that I have. It’s been a long term goal. The only problem is that I needed to have braces to reconfigure my jaw and bones, this happened on Tuesday morning. OMG, I have total and complete empathy for all those poor kids who go through this. All my attention is on my mouth and the uncomfortableness, and the pain from being jabbed with pointy bits of metal and not being able to eat anything solid. I’m living on home made soup and cooked rhubarb, cream and coconut yoghurt. I’ve got a feeling that I’m going to have to write a “keto braces cookbook”.

So to answer your question, I am OK. We are leaving for Bali in about 4 weeks, will be there for 5 weeks and then going back on August 1 until the middle of September. I am so excited about this trip although we’ll be working most of the time. 

I’m still having oxygen and taking pretty good care of myself but haven’t had any IVs for months. I’ve seen the radiologist a few times and his feeling is that I’ve made it through the woods. All the tests tend to agree so I feel very optimistic about life and excited about the future,

How are you?

Gary

Novavax

The following is a day by day blow for the weeks following my 2 Novavax doses. The first was delivered on February 27, 2022 and the second, 14 days later on March 13th.

Overall I’m glad that I waited for Novavax, in actual fact the truth is that if I did not need to do overseas in April I would have opted not to have any vaccinations for Covid. I’m pretty certain that I had prepared my body to handle the virus when and if I was infected by it.

It is hard to say whether the symptoms I experienced were a direct result of the vaccination. What I did was write down what I was feeling each day in the week following each dose. I’m sure that there was a change in my physiology and my overall temperament and neurological reaction. 

The following is an anecdotal observation. It is based purely on my own observations of my own body and should not be construed to be a scientific reflection of the effects of Novavax on anybody apart from myself.

My Teeth

I am now on Day 4 of my braces experience. Intense isn’t a strong enough word for what’s happening inside my mouth. 

I revisited my dentist yesterday morning after my HBOT session because one of the small clamps had come loose and it felt like my mouth was going to fall apart. He readjusted it and built up the top of my back tooth on the right side so my clenched teeth wouldn’t interact so intensely with the braces which end up causing me pain, ulcers and inflammation. It worked but the sensation of the misaligned height makes me very conscious of my mouth. That’s it really. Having your attention stuck on a part of your body. It causes you to introvert and get “stuck in your head” as opposed to embracing all the wonderful things that exist outside yourself.

The interaction with the world around you is so much more rewarding than getting lost in the dark recesses of your own thoughts and feelings.

The biggest trick is to relax my mouth and to move it as little as possible. This means eating very soft food like cauliflower and mushroom soup blended in the NutriBullet and cooked rhubarb with cram, coconut cream and coconut yoghurt. I simply cannot chew anything.

I am going back too the dentist in 3 weeks to get my mouth adjusted before heading off to Bali. If I do all the right things I should be used to the strange new feeling by then.

The other thing that I haven’t got my head around is the cost. The braces cost over $8000 but there was no explanation or breakdown. What this does is to sew seeds of doubt about whether you are being overcharged. Probably not but it is an interesting point to keep in mind when dealing with people in the future. Always keep them fully informed and in the loop.

I cut down on the painkillers yesterday and only took 4 paracetamol plus I used the Bonjela Gel that A recommended. I feel well fed and optimistic that I can create a menu that consists of soft foods that are nutritious and tasty at the same time.

Thursday March 24, 2022

I am about to embark on Day 3 of my tooth straightening odyssey. Pain is my constant companion. Eating has become a challenge to the extent that liquid diets are looking like a perfect option. Pain killers and suppressors have become the norm. I’m assuming that by the end of the weekend I will have re-adjusted not so much back to normalcy but I am surmising that I will get used to my new condition.

I have just noticed that the braces on the left side of my lower jaw have become quite loose and are moving. These will need to be looked at as a priority before they get worse.

I suppose that all of this pain and travail that I am putting myself through will eventually pay off. Changing my diet and losing weight wasn’t easy, fighting cancer was like climbing Mt Everest, all of my actions have a price but so far they have all been worthwhile. Getting myself into tip top condition for the final stages of my journey as Gary Collier are all worthwhile. Not that the final stages are upon me. The way I’m planning things I will be around for another 30% of my allocated time.

Later today we have to return to Red Hill with a van load of prints. Before this happens I will have driven to South Yarra and back, loaded the van and driven down Peninsula Link. It’s looking like there is a big day ahead of us so I won’t give myself any unrealistic targets in regard to going for walks, having saunas etc. The most important tasks will be having my braces re-adjusted and working out an eating strategy.

Wednesday March 23, 2022

It has been almost 24 hours since I had my new braces put on my mouth. This is going to take a bit of getting used to. The preparation was based on electronic and computerised  scans done on my jaw and teeth. A mould was made of my complete mouth, jaws and teeth and then made in a plaster like material which was sent to the “brace-maker” along with the specifications from the computer program that works out the exact shape and forces that the braces need to exert to do their job properly and efficiently. 

Now that the braces have been assembled in my mouth my whole jaw seems to be in a new position and my teeth are covered in metal which is cutting into my gums when I speak, eat or move my jaw. I am going to have trouble eating for the next few days so I reckon I might have to get used to scrambled eggs and berries and cream. The idea of chewing is not very appealing to me right now. I suppose like any pain it will ease as the days go forward and as I get more used to the new landscape in my mouth. I am also having trouble speaking. What comes out of my mouth seems awkward and a bit out of control.

I have metal braces. I was expecting clear braces but I suspect my dentist asked me some questions that I did not fully comprehend at the time of asking. Questions relating to cost and time. It looks like metal braces, although not as unobtrusive do the job faster and cost less. I know I was told that the difference between standard braces and invisalign braces is that the metal braces take 12-14 months whereas the invisalign ones can take 2 years. The invisalign braces also cost a whole lot more.

Apart from the fact of looking like the almost comic Jaws from an old James Bond movie I am surprised that I am not self conscious having jangly metal all over my teeth. 

According to my dentist the braces will help my teeth and jaw align to compensate for the fact that I have had missing teeth for well over 10 years. This will mean that when I get my implants they will “work and take better”. He compared it to straightening the floor and walls of an old house before plastering and painting the walls. The idea is to minimise the potential for future cracks and blemishes in “the renovation”.

So for now my mouth feels raw and painful, my inner cheeks and gums feel cut up and a bit infected but I’m pretty certain that this will calm down in the days to come and I will adjust and get used to my new circumstances.

For now I think I’d better talk while clenching my jaws which will sound and look weird but overall will result in less pain (with the help of an occasional paracetamol tablet).

Tuesday March 22, 2022

It is now 6.24 am. It is dark outside and the house is silent. It’s amazing how fast that first 30 minutes moved by early in the morning. I got 0 deep sleep last night for reasons unknown. 

I don’t think that I have too much to say this morning. I am about to drive to Malvern to visit the dentist. If all goes as is planned this morning I will be having my braces put on my teeth. I’m really hoping that the pain doesn’t become an issue but after last week when I had simple dividers put in I suspect that it may be unbearable for a while.

Apart from all of the aforementioned and a funny afternoon and night yesterday I feel surprisingly good this morning.

The darkness is being pierced by the sounds of dogs barking and birds awakening, I can hear a clock ticking off to the right. It’s funny how I never hear these ambient noises throughout the day and night. I can even hear the fridge purring.

Allissa sent me a message this morning about tinnitus and steroids. This was my answer. 

“Good morning Lis. I’m feeling pretty good this morning. The neurological stuff seems to have calmed down overnight, even the tints is back to it’s normal level (maybe a wee bit louder). I GOT THE LISTERINE AND BETANINE AND DID THE GARGLES. Sorry about the caps….   I don’t have any symptoms this morning apart from that. How are you feeling? I got your message this morning. I will go ahead with the braces. I think it should be fine. Overall I would rather have them in now so any dramas happen before I go to Bali. The Doctor Gigi Dentist) in Bali may not know what to do in an emergency. I’ve started reading the article but only 50% done. Most important thing this morning is to head off early and beat the traffic. Thanks for thinking about me. Love you. Dad”

Music

Something got me thinking about my relationship with music this morning. This fleeting moment sparked something that made me realize that music has been a hugely important part of my life ever since I was around 10 years old. It was like the moment that a good fire is set and the kindling is lit. Once the fire starts nothing can or would want to put it out. This was the first time that I had thought about music like this. I suppose I just took it for granted although I inherently knew how much I need it in my life. It has always been there for me as a constant companion to keep me company, fire up my emotions, inspire me, excite me, calm me down, help me run or dance, laugh or cry.

My first interactions must have been with the radio because I can still remember songs from the late 50s and early 60s well before I immersed myself in the music of my own choice. There may have been some shows on the television that I watched with my father. I particularly remember seeing a show with Bobby Rydell, Chubby Checker and some other American singers who came to Australia in January 1963 when I was still 10 . Let’s Twist Again. I looked at these guys and somehow felt inspired to be part off whatever it was that they had going. It seemed exotic and exciting, a bit left of centre, unordinary, something shone through that I wanted to immerse myself in.

My first big personal connection was akin to falling in love. Really, it was intense. I kept wanting to hear the opening bars so much that I would surf the radio dial from 3UZ to 3DB through KZ, AW, XY and onto AK at the end of the dial. Those stations were like the planets to me. I was the the sun and they revolved around me sending back energy and joy.

That first track I fell head over heels for was called Telstar, an anthemic instrumental written and produced by a strange but brilliant Englishman named Joe Meek. The main melody had something haunting about it and the glassy, sparkly guitar solo awakened some urge to play this instrument that compelled me toward finally learning how to play myself. I must have listened to Telstar thousands of times, sitting in front of my parents radio flicking backward and forward through the radio stations until I found some portion of it. I literally became addicted and even saved up two pounds twelve and sixpence to purchase the album on my 11th birthday in 1963. A huge amount of money back then.

Once the fire was lit it burned brightly from then on out. 

What I look for in music is that same level of intensity that I felt back then. I want it to take me on a journey on which I might get lost. I want an adventure, full of surprises and hidden laneways, nooks and crannies. That is why I eventually arrived at Jazz in the very early 70s. I almost needed the music I listened to evoke a huge emotional response and finally I had found something that was full of “unexpected” moments.

My tastes have diversified greatly over the years. I haven’t followed any one path but have and still do constantly explore new forms of music.

Underlying this addiction is my love of communication. It is obvious when the musicians are in full flight, in such intense communication that might take them anywhere. Not some banal small talk that vaguely scratches the surface.

I never fully realized before how lucky I have been to have this relationship with music. It sort defines and aligns with the way I try to live my life, always searching for something new, something that fills me with joy and inspiration. Getting lost which opens the door to new experiences that may not have happened if I had stayed on the beaten track.

Monday March 21, 2022

Last night was horrible. Georgie drank a whole lot of wine at Kaye’s house. Initially she told me that she was drinking lemon, lime and bitters but when I got back from my walk I noticed the physiological signs of having had a bit too much alcohol. It must have been how Allissa felt back in the day when she arrived at my house to find me half inebriated. I always felt like I had my shit under control but looking back now I realize that it was so obvious.

I didn’t handle it well and called her out in front of her Mum who had no idea. This was completely the wrong thing to do and I really, really must learn a lesson from the experience. I would be completely happy if we never drank alcohol again. It is a horrible poison that diminishes the value of life and I want nothing to do with it. Alcohol has ruined so many lives, so many relationships and I have been horribly guilty of being addicted to this drug for many years. Thank God it has been now over 3 years since I last had a drink.

I won’t talk about it with Georgie unless she chooses to bring it up.

I am about to drive to South Yarra to do HBOT. I had a week off last week to save some money. That’s just the way it is now, there isn’t enough to go around and no matter what I do I am not winning Tatts. I must admit that not having it has not been a good idea.

Overall I’m not certain what is going on in my body. There have been several possibilities. The vaccination, the potential of having covid, not eating as well as I should. I don’t really know what underlies my lack of energy, my slight turn toward pessimism and my not up to scratch moods. I’d be thinking that the vaccination is the main contender to get the blame but I cannot be certain.

We will drive to Red Hill a bit later or tomorrow if I can change my appointment from Wednesday to Thursday, otherwise I can drive down on Wednesday and go back in the afternoon.

I played the guitar again yesterday. Probably played for about an hour. My fingers are pleasantly sore. The other thing that I did that was worthwhile was to clean out the top of the main refrigerator. Later in the day I went for a walk around Canterbury while Georgie hung out with Kaye.

On This Day

2010 – I missed Finn’s 10th Birthday Party at Sassafras because I was in Bangkok with Paul who got pretty sick. So sick that I had to change my flight and stay for an extra week. Poor Georgie had to look after the birthday.

2012 – Paul’s funeral services started today at War Saminiaree in Bangkok. Was I numb? I have no idea how I got through those days. Thank god Allissa and Melanie were there. Ty and Dang were amazing with their help in organising everything. This was one of the hardest weeks of my life. I felt like a hose building up pressure but not quite enough to explode, that came a few days later.

2013 – In the evening I went to a Santana Concert at the Tennis Centre with John X and John S. I recall leaving South yarra and catching my first serious tram ride for many years. The Steve Miller band were also on the bill. Later in the evening John X drove us home. It was the first time that I realized that driving down the Monash onto the Eastern Freeway was a potential way to travel back from the Gallery in South Yarra.

2014 – On this day in 2014 Melanie, Allissa and I went to badger Creek with the urn containing Paul’s ashes. Things didn’t work out as planned and after a few funny experiences the ashes returned with us. 

Sunday March 20, 2022

It looks like Covid may have come to town. Allissa has tested positive on a home RAT. I wrote to Kaye this morning to warn her and we will do tests later in the day. Ironically we have a house full of 20 year old boys.

“Good Morning Kaye Allissa rang me late last night but I was in bed. She sent messages and it appears that she may have Covid. She has had a headache for the past few days but that was the only symptom she had until her back started to ache yesterday. There are no other symptoms but she has done a Rapid Antigen Test and she has tested positive on them. We spoke this morning and she did another test which came up as positive. Do you have any of these tests at home? It would be a good idea to do one. Georgie and I will do tests later in the day. Allissa doesn’t feel sick or have any other symptoms apart from pain. You saw her on Friday, she looked as good as gold. She’s feeling guilty and rightfully worried about you. Keep a close eye on things and we’ll touch base a bit later in the day after we have done tests. Georgie and I are immunized but have no illusions that the vaccine will protect us …. how ironical! We have been taking ivermectin over the past few days. It might be a good idea to at least up your Vitamin D to 10,000 IU today and over the next few days. Fingers crossed. Gary”

We have been Covid virgins until now but on a positive note if we get it now, 4 weeks before we go to Bali chances are that we will be in a stronger position overall and our chances of testing positive while in Bali will be greatly diminished.

I was feeling a bit under the weather yesterday, generally lacking in energy. I have a bit of a headache this morning with a minuscule version of a runny nose. Who knows, maybe I will test positive as well. My feet have been a bit numb’er and the burning sensation has been a bit more intense, my legs and hands are slightly tingling and overall I feel somewhat lethargic. My temperament feels more pessimistic and my happiness is toned down quite a lot lower than it normally is. I have a slight headache and my neck was hurting yesterday, this was possibly more due to an intense arm wrestle. My temperature is 36.3. my oxygen is at 96 and my heart rate is almost normal albeit a bit higher at about 70 BPM.

Other news today. It’s what would be Ricks 61st birthday today if he hadn’t passed away back in January 2015. He only ever made it to 53. If re-incarnation is a thing then he’s probably about 5 years old now, somewhere. But let’s face it, that isn’t and will never be the Rick that we knew simply because the body, mind and spirit make a package that is unique.

I am not my body, I am not my mind. I am me.

That has become my mantra.

There are no other words ready to come out this morning.

Saturday March 19, 2022

The march through March is almost over. Finn had a very successful birthday yesterday which went well from start to finish. Food was great, company – tick, nothing could have gone better. The only significant dates left are Rick’s birthday on the 20th and my parents 71st wedding anniversary.

Today will be a day of rest, walking, saunaing and generally doing fuck all.

The world is on the cusp of a huge inflationary period where money will become less and less valuable. That’s our next challenge I suppose. To understand the mechanics of what is upon us and to have some sort of strategy to stay abreast. 

We have 3 flights booked and paid for Bali so the overall fuel price increases for flying won’t impact us until next year. Georgie is looking at ways to sell our Lexus and we are investing in infrastructure at Red Hill to store our artwork.

I have started listening to Ray Dahlio talk about money cycles and world orders. So all I need to do now is to monetise some aspect of our life so we can get an better income rolling in.

On another note.

Dear Mel

I am aware that you are going to the AO shortly and also that having some extra money to finance the trip could be helpful.

Georgie and I have around $10,000 between us in our coffers and we would like you to consider using it for your services. Look at it this way, overall it is the greatest good for the overall dynamics.

I have no animosity to Scientology or Scientologists. I actively and knowingly use basic principles each and every day and possibly have a greater understanding now than I have ever had.

I am doing better than I have at any time in my life and am consciously working to improve my knowledge, health and understanding of myself everyday.

My reasons for withdrawing from the Church of Scientology are my own and at this stage I do not wish to share them with anyone whether they are involved in Scientology or not. I certainly have absolutely no intentions to harm Scientology as I believe that the basic fundamentals have a huge amount to offer mankind if they are disseminated and taught with good intentions and generosity.

If you were to use our money that we have on account we would be both more than happy. There would be no need to ever consider “exchange”, you could consider it as a gift from each of us to you.

I am happy to write to the treasury guys at The AO to let them know that we are both happy to do this if needed.

No need to say anymore. I’ll leave it up to you to follow whatever you consider the most appropriate path.

Gary

Friday March 18, 2022

It is Friday again!

Last night’s dreams were weird, abstract, familial and almost a bit like a drawn out horror movie. Funnily enough they haven’t affected my mood this morning although my legs are a bit sore from yesterday’s walk which was  my first after a short vaccination hiatus.

Today it is Finn’s 22nd birthday. unfortunately his birthday is marred by the anniversaries that precede it. I really have to work out a way to compartmentalize the  month of March.

What a time it is for our species. I’m starting to understand the patterns and cycles that the world orders follow thanks to history and the interpretation of it by people like Ray Dahlio. We are now on the cusp of the disruption phase that usually ends up in conflict and war. For some reason the stick is pointing at Russia but the real threat is the conflict that is looming between China and the USA. It has been obvious for decades that China will take over in the coming years but I never understood how this would transpire. I now have a clearer picture. The western nations are lining up under the USA supporting them in their military conflicts, the US dollar is still the reserve currency for the world but that is changing. We are in the crossover period. I don’t know if I will like what is coming as China rules from the top like a strict parent while America ’s style is more like my own. Que sera. Maybe we need the discipline that China rains down on it’s people to get back on track. The western world is going through it’s phase of internal conflict and disruption. I have called this polarization but now see it as a precursor to some sort of civil war which may or may not end up in overt aggression. All the signs are there. the “haves” hold on to the majority of the money and power while the “have nots” become more and more dissatisfied with their lot in life. All the classic signs that are part of the cycle that Ray Dahlio talks about. China is the rising start and I need to start to understand what is happening there and how it will impact my world and especially how it will impact Finn’s world. If I can get my head around it maybe I can give him some decent advice. I’m embarrassed to say that I haven’t even known the names of the Chinese presidents over the past few decades.

From Wikipedia : Deng Xiaoping (22 August 1904 – 19 February 1997), also known by his courtesy name Xixian (希贤), was a Chinese revolutionary leader, military commander and statesman who served as the paramount leader of the People’s Republic of China (PRC) from December 1978 to November 1989. After Mao Zedong‘s death in 1976, Deng gradually rose to supreme power and led China through a series of far-reaching market-economy reforms earning him the reputation as the “Architect of Modern China”.He contributed to China becoming the world’s largest economy in terms of its purchasing power.

Xi Jinping[note 1] (English: /ˈʃiː dʒɪnˈpɪŋ/ SHEE jin-PING; Chinese: 习近平; pinyin: Xí Jìnpíng; [ɕǐ tɕîn pʰǐŋ]; born 15 June 1953) is a Chinese politician who has been serving as General Secretary of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and Chairman of the Central Military Commission (CMC) since 2012, and President of the People’s Republic of China (PRC) since 2013. Xi has been the paramount leader of China, the most prominent political leader in the People’s Republic of China, since 2012.

The son of Chinese Communist veteran Xi Zhongxun, he was exiled to rural Yanchuan County as a teenager following his father’s purge during the Cultural Revolution, and lived in a yaodong in the village of Liangjiahe, where he joined the CCP and worked as the party secretary. After studying chemical engineering at Tsinghua University as a “Worker-Peasant-Soldier student“, Xi rose through the ranks politically in China’s coastal provinces. Xi was Governor of Fujian from 1999 to 2002, before becoming Governor and Party Secretary of neighbouring Zhejiang from 2002 to 2007. Following the dismissal of the Party Secretary of Shanghai, Chen Liangyu, Xi was transferred to replace him for a brief period in 2007. He subsequently joined the Politburo Standing Committee of the CCP and served as first secretary of the Central Secretariat in October 2007. In 2008, he was designated as Hu Jintao‘s presumed successor as paramount leader; to that end, Xi was appointed Vice President of the People’s Republic of China and Vice Chairman of the Central Military Commission. He officially received the title of “leadership core” from the CCP in 2016. Xi has also been a member of the 17th, 18th, 19th CCP Politburo Standing Committee since 2007. In 2018, he abolished presidential term limits.

Shit, he’s younger than me, so is Putin.

Thursday March 17, 2022

When I woke up this morning I felt like a cantankerous bear that had just woken after months of hibernation. I felt like the quality of my sleep must have been so bad that I was exhausted but I was wrong. The metrics were ridiculously good, I even got 2.5 hours deep sleep. The only thing that it could be is the ravages of paracetamol. After the dentist put separators in my teeth on Monday I have been experiencing a horrible pain in my lower jaw. Yesterday I took another 6 500mg paracetamol tablets, after about the same amount on Tuesday. Fuck, I’ve poisoned myself. Own a scale of 1-10 I feel like I’m at 9, 10 being the worst I could possibly feel. I’m angry, picking for a fight, I feel sludgy, sore, unrested, introverted all of the things that are a dichotomy to the way I feel when I wake after a good nights rest.

This now presents a huge problem for the upcoming braces. I need to write to my dentist Chris today to let him know my predicament. I need to have a sauna. I need to fast. I need to rewind the clock to go back to my normal self. I hate being this angry motherfucker. I even had anxiety laden dreams full of stupid moments like getting lost, walking into a ladies toilet, eating chocolate and not giving a damn. I woke abruptly and jumped out of bed. Then I went into the shower to recover and it flooded.

I’ve also got to work out what the side effects of paracetamol are. Fucking drugs!

Wednesday March 16, 2022

I had planned on writing some sort of poignant words today to commemorate the 10th anniversary of Paul’s death but now it doesn’t seem like the right thing to do so I’ll just write whatever comes out.

What I need to be do is to remember him, to ponder  enough to keep his memory alive.

Diabetes monitored most of Paul’s life. Diabetes is in the top ten causes of death currently for the human race, it sits at around number 9. But the overall lack of understanding of insulin as a hormone possibly underlies a good majority of the remainder of the deaths. 

In China and India almost 30,000 people die every day, in the USA it is around 8,000 and Australia about 500. Worldwide around 166,000 people die every day. That puts it as 7,000 per hour, 115 per minute and around 2 for every second. That is a lot of loss and it never stops. Millions are impacted each day and life goes on. 

Like anything else it is the manner in which we react to death, loss and the guilt associated with it that matters.

Life goes on and it will continue to thrive on Planet Earth until the planet no longer exists.

We are all part of a huge magical experience. 

A hydrogen atom is about 99.9999999999996% empty space. Put another way, if a hydrogen atom were the size of the earth, the proton at its centre would be about 200 meters (600 feet) across.

But there again the quantum rules that apply to the whole universe also apply to our bodies. 

I can’t even get my head around the definition of quantum so for now I’m going to assume that anything is possible.

Back to Paul.

I had 32 years to spend with him. He was an integral part of my life. Being his father impacted me to a huge degree.

We had a designated phrase for Paul which he created, god knows what he was thinking about when he coined it. The 2 words are Storm’s Epiphany. He may have looked at himself as “Storm”, I’m not certain but he did once say that if he had a son and a daughter he would name them Storm and Epiphany.

While I was in the centre of the storm I didn’t have enough space to view it clearly and cohesively. For me it was a bit like the rides I never went on as a kid at the Royal Melbourne Show that spun around so fast that you got stuck to the wall and held there by the movement and other forces at play. Like almost everything in my life I did my best to make the most of what was happening. There are opportunities in pretty much any circumstances.

I have many intimate memories of Paul. If I open the causeway in my mind they just start gushing out, randomly with no time sequence involved. I often dream about him. I reckon I think about him at least once every day, sometimes for a fleeting moment and sometimes long enough to wonder.

I often wonder what life would be like if he was still alive. I never wonder what my life would have been like if he hadn’t been part of it. My relationship with Paul has contributed greatly to who and what I am today.

I’ll get through today unscathed. As I said earlier life must go on and it must go on in the best and most meaningful way possible, being open to all of the magic, the wonder, the discovery, the adventure and even the moments of anxiety, loss, anguish and confusion.

One of my goals is to finish each day a bit better and a bit wiser than when it started. Somehow Paul contributed to this desire and for that I thank him.

Tuesday March 15, 2022

One of the first things that I do each morning is to check my sleep stats on my Aura ring, especially deep sleep and HRV but overall I look at most of the metrics to try to work out what influenced what.

Somebody told me yesterday that I had a lot to offer people in the quest for a healthier life. There is no way that I could ever do this on a one to one basis, it simply takes too long. And that’s when you have somebody who is trying. The loss you would set yourself up for with a person who was looking for a quick fix is un-confrontable.

The first advice I will share with you is that there is no quick fix. No magical potion or pill that will repair your body without dedication, persistence and hard work. No inspirational speaker that will do the work for you. Sure they can supply the inspiration but the really hard work is up to you.

My only grounds for speaking up is that I have been able to turn my own health around. Three years ago I was on the verge of having a failing body. I weighed 107 kgs and had list of ailments as long as my arm. I now weigh in at 81 kgs and most of those afflictions are well and truly behind me. 

Does that qualify me to share what advice I have with others?

Why not!

The way I look at life now is that I do not believe anything unless I can prove it for myself. When it comes to my body the results and actions I take must be able to be measured in some way. This could mean being able to quantify through scales, blood work/tests, wearable apps that measure my body’s metrics, pathology and overall appearance. Whatever I do must be as natural as possible, sustainable and most importantly my labour must bear results.

I must remain open minded and inquisitive, willing to avail myself of any new information that comes my way. As mankind’s understanding increases through people asking the right questions and following them up with thorough, scientific research I have to remain vigilant and driven to try new approaches, to test them out, keep them in my arsenal or discard them if they don’t produce results for me.

The underlying factor that I now base my whole approach on is lifestyle. Being aware of what I am putting into my body, what it needs, what it doesn’t need. Having an awareness that I need to move my body and take actions to keep it fit. I have to give it the rest it needs to recover. There are many other activities that will help and enhance that I will go into a bit later.

Monday March 14, 2022

Today marks the 7th anniversary of my Dad’s death. I don’t know what drugs they put into his body before he died but under it all he was desperately trying to communicate. When he finally went my head was very close to his mouth, I felt the last breath leave his body. This was a surprisingly serene and beautiful moment.

George Collier was not always serene. Far from it. He was a man on edge, a man ready for a fight. Sometimes to the point of being intolerable. I don’t know exactly what pain precipitated his seeming hostility to the world around him. He had no filters on the way he related to others. 

We moved to East Bentleigh when I was 11 years old. He would have been 40 by then. Still a young man by today’s standards but from my perception he had given up his friendships to move to “the promised land”. I never really knew my Dad to have friends. Maybe he did and I just didn’t know about them. Shit, he must have been so lonely. When he was younger he had his drinking buddies at the Balaclava Hotel. Maybe that’s just what they were, drinking buddies but not confidantes. Old Leo, Johnny Johnson, Billy. Smelly men letting off steam in the crowded public bar.

He must have been trapped with his own thoughts. I’m pretty certain that he didn’t talk to my Mum about his feelings, he certainly didn’t talk to me. It was the 1960’s, the decade that the generation gap became wider. The idea of having an intimate conversation with your own father was an alien one to me.

Maybe decades later I have fooled myself into thinking that I missed out on something. Maybe I could have helped him by offering an ear, by showing some interest in his feelings and aspirations but I simply didn’t think of doing it. He was somebody to keep secrets from. How sad is that?

I loved him as a son loves his father. I was never close to him like I tried to be with my own children but then again I was pretty damn self possessed and possibly even selfish.

As the decades moved on we tried to talk but never quite scraped the surface enough to get to know each other apart from one day a few days before he died when he opened up and just let the raw emotion gush out. I’m so pleased that I experienced that moment of vulnerability. I’m so pleased that he felt that he could trust me enough to say the things that he did.

He’s gone now. Maybe I am wise enough after a long life of my own to believe that we could have developed a closeness that never manifested during a lifetime together. After all I had 63 years to try harder. But I didn’t.

His memories and secrets went with him. He didn’t leave any written words to peruse. What you got was what you saw.

I hope you are on a safe journey George Collier. I feel a quiet confidence that you are still searching for friendship, wisdom, adventure and hope somewhere in the universe. I hope that in whatever form you are that you have a hint of a memory of me every now and again. Not necessarily a conscious memory but a sort of fleeting deja vu moment.

It’s funny. For a moment then I could feel you existing somewhere. Not your body. It wore out seven years ago after 90 years of hard work and abuse. I could sense your essence and felt a moment of connection that I hope you felt as well.

Sunday March 13, 2022

Today (Sunday 13/4/2022) Georgie and I have our second Novavax vaccination appointment. We took our ivermectin on Saturday and will take it over the next few days. It should be OK but I swear to God that I’m not at all looking forward to it. I don’t need it. We’ve got through the whole Covid experience without even coming close to catching it. But, alas Bali is in 5 weeks so unfortunately this means having 2 vaccines.

One day the truth will come out about this so called pandemic. Where it came from, what it was used to achieve, the adverse effects of the vaccinations. It won’t be for a while but it will come out. Alas, by then nobody will really care.

Fast forward to 30 minutes after my second vaccination. Doctor was friendly and 100% agreed to aspirate, which he did. My wife experienced absolutely no side effects. After I got the vaccination I could feel the novavax in surging in arm, almost like having had honey injected, it felt heavy and unpleasant. By the time I got to the veggie shop15 minutes after the vaccination I started feeling brain fog and a bit of disorientation, like stepping into a glass bubble. There was a disconnect. I finished shopping but had to sit down before I got to the cash register. My wife drove home, I would have been a safety hazard. My tongue felt numb, not completely but enough to notice. My mouth puckered up like I had eaten “salt peter”. None of this was unbearable but enough to set off warning signs. I got itchy around my eyes. Actually, I still have this phenomena almost 24 hours later. By the time we got home I was feeling agitated, itchy and tired so I decided to sit down. I ended up watching 4 episodes of Rick Rubin’s interview with Paul McCartney and then having an epsom salts bath for about 2 hours. I certainly wasn’t good company yesterday afternoon. I became short tempered, agitated and felt an unpleasant itchiness throughout my whole body. Another thing I noticed was my feet reacted. I have peripheral neuropathy which is usually under control unless I walk for 10 kms. That is what my feet felt like. Just as if I had done a long walk. My tinnitus also got louder and still is this morning. I took a tablespoon of enterosgel late last night and extra curcumin and quercitin, NAC and magnesium.

To Purnami about Villa Tusk

We want to try to explain about guests at the villa. We know how important it is to you to have guests and it is also very important to us. Bali is opening up and it will slowly get better and better with tourists coming from all over the world again. This will be slow until the new 4 day in an approved hotel rule finishes. The good thing is that the rules are changing fast. We think that our main clients will book from AirBnB like when we were getting bookings at Villa Kecil. The people already in Bali are going to try to get very cheap prices and if they book for one month until we arrive then that will be OK but the main people we are interested in will be full price guests who are coming to Bali on a holiday. Today Stefan offered $60 US a night for maybe 8 nights but we would rather have Marius for one month.

It is important that you do not worry. We know that if we are patient and do the right things that the Villa will be a huge success but it will take time. When we come to Bali we will finish the villa like we want it to be, get couches, art and other things that we can find. It will be very special.

General

It is a beautiful Sunday morning. We are back home from Red Hill with a full van of rubbish to take to the tip and aching bones and limbs from all off the work that we did. I had a restless night, or it seemed that way. I woke up several times but went back to sleep pretty quickly each time. I just checked my Oura ring and yep, I’m right. I only got 10 minutes deep sleep and that’s after getting 2 really good nights of deep sleep at Red Hill. WTF is going on in our bedroom? Is there mould? Is it the mattress? Are we getting EMFs coming in from somewhere? Time to make some changes.

It is time to de-clutter our house. Yes, really de-clutter it.

March has well and truly begun. Friday was our 26th anniversary. Today is LRHs birthday, tomorrow is the 7th anniversary of my Dad’s passing, Wednesday is the 10th year since Paul left us and Friday is Finn’s 22nd birthday. So much in such a short time.

Life marches on. I had a moment yesterday when I had an “almost realisation”. I don’t want time to stop. I’m excited about the future even though the future is when I will die. What happens next is open to speculation and even if I find that I am in a blaze of glory when I leave my body I’ve still got to start from the beginning. Just like in the nightmares I have had during my formative years but did not understand at the time. It was the feeling that I had the next day that perplexed me. The words I used to describe the feeling were something like …. “ I had just spent ages building something, doing something, creating something and all of a sudden it was gone, completely gone. In a puff. I had to start all over again.” Maybe that was a funny moment of enlightenment that I wasn’t prepared to learn from. Maybe I was just remembering something that I could not confront. The point is that so far it looks like what happens next is rigged. Rigged in a good way because you sort of have to forget. There are too many complications if you don’t. 

Saturday March 12, 2022

Yesterday turned into a revertible working bee. I had no idea when I began emptying the big shed at Red Hill where it would take me. The whole shed is now empty of the past 25 years of shit that has built up in it including gnarly old bits of wood that is even far too large to chop. I started burning bits of wood and timber then the fire bug in me exposed itself and I ended up with the best bonfire I had ever had in my life, even better than the big bonfire I had years ago at out storage unit in the hills.

When I finally became conscious this morning every bone in my body was aching so I eased back down under the doona and stayed in bed until 9 am. The next step is to load the van with what is ready to go to the tip and then we have to organise to bring the wood down from the shed to the wood area near the house.

Yesterday’s efforts helped me realize all the work that we have to do before we leave for Bali in 5 weeks. 

Who ever really thought that we were going to escape working in retirement, it is part of the woof and warp of our lives.

I am becoming dissatisfied with the shape of my body. It’s OK but I have a theory that as I get older one thing that will certainly bely my age is my appearance. There are men my age who look extraordinarily fit, that’s my goal. I think that I can pull it off if I give it the time and effort that it obviously deserves. I’m also thinking that I will need to start using the chronometer app again as an extra layer of protection against eating too much food and also to keep my macros in check. First thing will be to put in a few standard recipes and then gradually make it part of my day.

I’ve been in touch with my friend Jude. It’s a rare thing that somebody is willing to receive and appreciate help. I get great pleasure out of helping people who want to help themselves. She is heading back to Oxymed the week.

Friday March 11, 2022

March 11, 1996 was Moomba Monday. I had already met Georgie a few months earlier at a Polo match in Portsea but I obviously wasn’t looking for romance on that day. My friend Brenda had organized a dinner with herself, Georgie and me on the Sunday. I drove my van down to StKilda, parked in a side street, buried my van key under a tree and went for a run. When I got back I couldn’t find the key so I had to dig around the tree until it finally appeared. I hopped in the back of the van and got changed for dinner. I’m pretty certain that we met at Brenda’s flat in Middle Park and walked up Canterbury Rd to the restaurant. I remember walking backwards so I could talk and walk at the same time.

After dinner we went back to Brenda’s flat again and after a bit of chatting Georgie announced that she was leaving. That could have been it. What happened next changed the direction of my life and hers. Brenda spat out “Did you ask her on a date?” No! She then ordered me to dash down the stairs before Georgie could escape. I muttered that I couldn’t just appear out of nowhere and proclaim my intentions, I threw myself on the ground and spun around like Curly from the 3 Stooges, I don’t really know why I did this but it somehow flooded me with a strange confidence that propelled me to bound down the stairs and across the road where I found her sitting in her car about to drive off. I knocked on the window and asked a rather naive and dumb question “Do you have to be at work early tomorrow?” To cut to the chase what happened next was that we ended up walking along Beaconsfield Parade way down to the Princess of Tasmania dock. One of those awkward moments for both of us, sort of like doing a first job interview and trying really hard to make a good impression.

I’m not certain whether I asked her on a date that night or the next day. I think it may have been the next day if my memory serves me well and knowing myself as I do.

We ended up sitting on the banks of the Yarra River watching the Moomba Parade float by. A simple first date but one that ended up in a life together. I was 44 and she was 33 in March 1996.

Fast forward 9496 days later. 227,880 hours to be precise and we are still together. I love her. We drive each other crazy at times but for some reason we never get bored with each other. Never tire of each other. We never run out of words to say to each other, we never talk about “nothing”. We spend almost every moment of our lives together. How lucky am I. We are both still open to adventure and unpredictability. We’ve been through a lot together – good and bad. She has tolerated my moments of weakness, my complications, she never stopped loving me through thick and thin.

And here we are 26 years later. Still in love. My best friend and companion. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with this woman. Loving each other, exploring new ideas, finding new adventures, growing as people, understanding the wonder of life a little bit more.

Aren’t I a lucky guy.

Tusk Gallery Blogpost

New directions. Change is good. After 20 years of Art Galleries we are heading off in new directions. I turned 70 at the beginning of February so I’ve earned a rest (of sorts).

Amongst our plans are mini “pop up” galleries. For example, if you want to see some of our artwork you could pop into Oxygen (HBOT – Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy), down near The Olsen Hotel in Chapel St. We’ve got some of the artwork on display on the walls. Ask Malcolm if you can come in for a look, while you are there get him to tell you the advantages of Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy. It’s amazing.

Another project that we are working on is Villa Tusk in Ubud, Bali. We’ll have art on display there as well. You can even look online to see what’s going on there. We are heading off on April 17th, 2022 for 5 weeks to get the villa finished and the art ready to hang. If you are planning a trip to Bali you should check out Villa Tusk on AirBnB. It is a 3 bedroom villa, each bedroom has its own bathroom and of course we have a very exotic pool. Loads of outdoor spaces and loads of tropical plants.

As time goes by we will also be upgrading our website to reflect our new direction.

Thursday March 10, 2022

Today is the 10th anniversary of my son’s death. What a harsh word that is, I’ve been referring to what happened as his passing until now. But no matter which way you look at it .. re-incarnation, gone forever, transformed to cosmic energy .. whichever way you view it the reality is that death is an abrupt ending and a moment of complete loss.

Can any parent who has lost a child to the ravages of a chronic disease ever look back and confidently say that they did everything possible? Maybe there are a few people who can do this but does it make the reality of the loss and emptiness any less? 

I don’t know the answer to this question. 

I lost my son at the age of 32. His body had gradually become more and more broken from Type 1 Diabetes and its effects on every aspect of the way it worked. I sadly lacked the knowledge and ability that I needed back in 1987 when he was first diagnosed at 8 years of age to care for him as I should have, as I may have been able to if I knew what I know now.

From my own anecdotal experience most people do not know jackshit about most of the major diseases until they themselves or one of their family are diagnosed. The scramble to learn, to find out, to battle against the illness begins when someone you love has the “I’m so sorry, you have …….” sentence delivered to them by a seemingly compassionate medical practitioner.

So much has changed in relationship to the availability of information since 1987. Back then we were educated in what were called “exchanges”, a see-saw of carbs and insulin. It is almost embarrassing looking back at the level of naivety. There was so much we didn’t know. The foundation we built the next 24 years on was shaky. Nothing can be done now to change what came next. It has only been over the past three years that I have begun to really understand insulin and carbs myself and this understanding has come slowly with a huge amount of learning, experimentation, trial and error. I can easily say “If I knew what I know now things would have panned out differently.” Yes, potentially they would have. It’s easy to look back and speculate but when you are in the thick of life it is a different story. That’s the thing about history. You have the luxury of seeing the past in relationship to the present, so much changes.

There is no point in commiserating about what could have been. Paul has been gone for 10 years this month. The knowledge and discipline that I needed came far too late.

The years leading up to his death were challenging as were the years beyond that fateful day. I thought I had handled his death better than I did. It took me years to recover even though I kidded myself that I was OK. I had feared that inevitable moment since he was 8 years old.

Wednesday March 9, 2022

I’m funny and often predictable. Always off on a new tangent that more than often throws me off track from what is working, trying to fit far too much in all at the same time, attempting to complete huge projects that need loads of time devoted in an afternoon.

Is it that I lack focus? Is it simply that I have expectations that exceed my ability?

Yesterday was a day of early rising. Dentist, HBOT, coffee with Allissa and an afternoon of disillusionment due to being pumped with dental numbness injections.

All in all I feel pretty good this morning. Nothing much to say today.

Here’s where I was and what I was up to on this day over the past 12 years.

2010 – I was in Thailand. After the weekend we all piled on a bus and went down to a beach. Funny, I didn’t even bother to look on a map where I was. Paul stayed in Bangkok. I’m pretty certain that we were there for about 2 days. I met Anne from Norway during this trip and got a ride back to Bangkok with the guys from HOF Art.

2012 – We visited our new block of land at Mount Dandenong. We had a dream to make a life in the hills. Didn’t happen.

2014 – John Martono was in Melbourne. We had just had the opening of his exhibition. Tusk paid for his accomodation at a pretty decent hotel.

2015 – Fin was 14. His hair was long by this stage and he was constantly picking up lice at school. We were living in Mooroolbark by this stage. His lice got so bad that we had to hire a lice specialist to come to the house and treat his hair.

2019 – I went for an early morning walk in Agra. We were coming to the end of our India trip and stayed at a big old colonial style hotel in Agra. I’m pretty certain that the night before was the night of the big wedding. Wedding season in India is something to behold. Anyway, I started going out on my own in the mornings to walk around to get a feel of the India that I wanted to experience. The people, the food, no tourists. me being a voyeur, trying to blend in.

Dental

Good morning Kaye. I’m sorry about not answering the phone yesterday. I was feeling under the weather after having a headful of dental drugs and drilling. Yesterday morning was intense but overall went well.

Chris explained the sequence of events that needs to happen. Because Georgie had been dealing with the quote I had not been aware of what needed to happen to successfully put in the implants.

The first stage, which will take almost a year is to get any immediate nerve damage and pain under control and then to put braces on my teeth to align my jaw. Chris made the analogy that it is like fixing up the foundations of the building so the plaster board and painting doesn’t collapse later on. Apparently my teeth and jaw are out of whack so much that putting the implants in before fixing this would result in a botched job. The braces will also re-align my mouth so my airwaves will not be blocked as much thus alleviating a bit of the problem that causes sleep apnea. So from what I can see the next step is to have the braces fitted. Yesterday he scanned my teeth/mouth with some sort of computerised device and took moulds of my teeth positions so as to create braces that will do this job. He said that this stage will take 12-14 months.

I also asked him about specialists and his response was that I would need to see at least 3 specialists for the work I need. He also said that they would more than likely all have different opinions. He assured me that he is trained and capable of doing/supervising all of the work needed in as natural and wholistic manner as possible. He also implied that he would do a better job based on his results with other patients.

Some extra information … I will try to get a more refined schedule with more specific details over the coming days and weeks. It looks like overall the procedures leading up to and including the implants will happen over a couple of years. As soon as I have more information I will let you know straight away. The account for yesterday was $550. I will send a photo of the account. I was under the impression that you were going  there today. It would be great to get together at some stage and work out the specifics. 

Joglos

Villa Tusk is made up of 2 Joglos plus extra rooms and renovations that have been added over the past 20 years. The original name of the villa was Joglo Putih. From what we have learned it was originally built by a Javanese man and his partner as their Bali villa in the early 2000s.

Even though there are many joglos throughout Bali they originated in Java and are not inherently part of Balinese architecture.

What is a Joglo

Both the Balinese and the Javanese have a deep seated belief that a mountain is a symbol of all sacred things. Hence a joglos pyramid like roof loosely resembles a mountain.

A joglo house symbolises the link between the earth and the sky, being located in the centre between the two.

This is how a joglo is described in Wikipedia.

“ The joglo roof is the most complex of all Javanese roof types. Different with the other type of Javanese roof such as the limasan and kampung roof, joglo roof does not use king posts. Joglo roof consists of columns that become higher as it go to the center. The four innermost main house columns are often the tallest, while the outer columns are the lowest. These four innermost house columns support a roof that is the steepest of all type of Javanese roof; almost forming a pyramid, except that it comes to two points rather than a single one. These four innermost main house columns is surmounted by a unique structural element known as tumpang sari. A tumpang sari is basically layered beams structure; the outermost band of beams support the rafters of both the upper and lower roofs, while the heavily-ornate inner band of beams create a vaulted ceiling in the form of an inverted stepped pyramid.

The basic joglo-type houses can be increased in size by adding extra columns and extending the roof area outwards.[2] Some very large joglo roof, such as the roof of the Grand Pendopo of the Mangkunegaran Palace, has a shape reminiscent of a mountain.

Traditionally, joglo roof is used for the house proper (omah) or the pavilion (pendopo) of noble families. In a large house compound of a Javanese noble family, joglo roof covers the very center part of the house. The space in the middle of the house, known as the dalem, is considered the most sacred. This sacred space – especially the area beneath the tumpang sari – is often left empty. In modern time, the area has no specific usage, but traditionally an incense was burnt once a week in this area to honor the rice goddess Dewi Sri, or in Central Java, to honor Nyai Roro Kidul.[2] This sacred area is also the area where the bride and bridegroom are seated during their marriage ceremony.[1]

The joglo roof is an iconic Javanese roof form. Joglo roof has influenced the development of Dutch colonial architecture in Indonesia. Modern buildings in Indonesia, such as big hall or airport terminal buildings, sometimes use the joglo roof.”

Tuesday March 8, 2022

I had to get up this morning at 6.30am. It was dark and when my alarm went off I got a barrage of disagreement from Georgie about being inconsiderate, not needing too get up so early and a litany that went on for only a few minutes but seemed like hours in the cold, dark, silent bedroom. That;’s the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.

My first stop is the dentist in Malvern which is about 60 minutes away, then South Yarra for HBOT and then hopefully some time with Allissa.

I’m feeling a bit empty and dark this morning. Not a great way to feel but there again it is me somehow creating this emotion and if I can create this I can also create feeling good.

Life has been feeling a bit meaningless of late. The mundaneness of day to day activities seems flat and futile. You’d think that I could get more done each day but there is still quite a lot of travelling involved and I never seem to be doing nothing. I need more planning in my life, more direction, more enthusiasm and more wins. 

It’s about 40 days until we leave for Bali. That needs a project all on its own. The challenge in Bali will be the budget to finish the villa.

I have just downloaded an app called Trello. It is an organising app to do To Do lists and generally plan my days and the activities that I need to do along the way.

My hour of respite is almost over. I’ve had a shower, got dressed, had my coffee and had a small conversation with myself. I’m ready to face the world.

Monday March 7, 2022

Keeping up with every task that I have set myself each day isn’t all that easy. My main criteria seems to be GKI (Blood glucose versus Ketones), how I feel generally and weight. Overall I do pretty well, maintain a generally healthy diet and stay in nutritional ketosis fairly much all of the time. I have been feeling a bit fatigued of late which indicates that something negative is going on in some aspect of my health.

Having such high standards can only be a good thing mainly because my expectations of myself are high.

I wrote about habits a couple of days ago. The trick will be to integrate my habits more into each other, become a bit more organized and listen to more podcasts on health and fitness to remind myself that it is all worthwhile.

Yesterday I spoke to the daughter of 2 of my best friends which turned out to be very worthwhile. We spoke about websites, social media, organisation. The funny thing is that while we spoke and I showed her what I have created I became very aware off the huge amount of infrastructure that I have put in place. Websites, facebook, instagram, pinterest, blogs. There is a huge amount already sitting there. I underestimate my talents and efforts sometimes. What I need to work toward next is to organise my activities and have a goal of generating some sort of income that will a) cover the costs that I have already committed to and b) make some profit. The one thing that I need to do more than anything else is to work out how to reach more people.

Sunday March 6, 2022

There appear be forces at play on a grand planetary scale that are incomprehensible to most of the people whose every day lives are about paying their mortgages and loans, shopping for the family’s food and keeping their heads above water, making a few friends and watching the next series on Netflix.

I suppose that when you cannot understand something or when it is so convoluted that it is basically incomprehensible the easiest solution is to bury your head in the sand and simply concern yourself with your own small and fragile sphere of influence.

There appear to be a couple of streams of reality. The one in which exists the physical universe and the its  natural laws. That in its own way is incomprehensible in the apparent complexity and size of infinite space. It is hard for most of us to imagine, so we don’t. It is there, there is nothing that we can do about it so it’s best left alone. 

Then there are the ebbs and flows within society. In my lifetime alone the population has increased from 2,630,000,000 to 7,900,000,000. That is an increase of almost 3 times. And all of that in 70 years. That alone is enough to tell me that the laws that governed the society in 1952 can no longer work in 2022. Imagine having a family with 2 parents and 3 kids that gradually over a decade or so increased to a family of 14. On that scale it becomes obvious that things must change. New systems will need to be put in place, money will need to be borrowed, moved around, re-distributed and somehow eventually paid back and more made. Relationships will need to be modified, secrets will develop and frictions may form within the family.

If it could get so complicated on that small scale what must that imply about the interaction of almost 8 billion people, all with their own dreams and aspirations.

We entered the 20th century with less than 2 billion people. From my limited understanding there were two major social forces. Capitalism and Socialism/Communism. Looking back now with the luxury of foresight it is obvious that on that scale communism could not have possibly worked. It was a huge failed experiment that resulted in the deaths of millions of people through famine and mismanagement, corruption and as so clearly seen in George Orwell’s “Animal Farm” the almost irrational desire for power of certain individuals. On the other hand, Capitalism seemed to thrive in an environment of freedom and personal growth, innovation, wealth, improved quality of life, production and a certain amount of manipulation. But most of us just yearned for the benefits and didn’t really want to look behind the dashboard to explore what was really going on behind the scenes.

We’ve had wars, depressions, financial meltdowns, famines, natural disasters, pandemics, genocide and on the surface for some of us a relatively smooth and safe life both financially and socially. We have learned that it is far easier to elect individuals to take the reins and make the decisions but at the same time we also expect them to look after us so we don’t have to take too much responsibility for what is really happening behind the scenes.

We are all part of a huge experiment. An experiment that needs constant modification, change and innovation. One generation leaves the systems that it created in place for the following generation, sometimes things change, sometimes fragments of earlier systems remain in place but looking at this objectively, even simply based on numbers it is obvious that the continued survival of mankind is an ever evolving series of agreements, decisions or even manipulations that keep changing the dynamic and direction of the human race.

In such a short span of time we have been through so many social and technical changes. Each one has created a new set of circumstances. Maybe we need the huge upheavals like wars to bring about change. I wish this wasn’t the case. Maybe that has now morphed into a need for a pandemic to bring about the same level of change.

I’m getting a bit lost in my reasoning here but I’ll try to continue.

We have been through the industrial revolution that transitioned much of the world or at least the urban sectors away from agriculture to increased production in factories, wages and the potential to make more of one’s life if the circumstances arose. Social change opened doors for people who earlier would not have stood a chance. Technical innovation continued to make life easier throughout the 20th century, improved transport, communication systems, information, trade. Things just kept changing, the population kept increasing, the desire to have a better life was always there. Maybe we stopped caring about each other somewhere along the line. Maybe we have all contributed to this dog eat dog world without really even being aware that we are ultimately all sharing the responsibility for all of the good and bad that exists.

As the 20th century came to an end we just kept marching forward taking computers for granted, accepting the internet and the opportunities that it opened. Increased communication and creativity, more and more access to information, easier means of travelling to different parts of the world, more opportunity to have ideas and make them a reality. It wasn’t quite what you would call anarchy but at the same time the road forward was pretty much being built as we moved along it, changing direction whenever the need arose.

Here we are on the cusp of the age of A.I. Not many of us will notice the changes. The world has been changing constantly, never ending and it gets more and more volatile as time goes on.

Somebody else will probably look back in 70 years time and wonder like I am now how it all happened. Life will seem normal to most people. Who knows what technical  and social developments will have come into being. 

There will be still those who question, who wonder what the fuck is going on but most of the human race will still be mainly concerned about themselves, their own families and the close circle of friends they have assembled.

I started listening to a podcast this morning about the financial state of earth. I scratched the surface of understanding that financial markets are constantly changing, for good or bad. Are they rational? No. Do they serve a purpose? Yes. Are the current methods sustainable? Probably not. The podcast compared the situation to an organism that was being kept alive by constantly infusing new blood into it. If the blood infusion stops the organism will die. The doctors will do anything just to keep the patient alive for another day. In some ways this is their only option. The overall health of the “individual” is so out of control that the only means to keep them alive are artificial.

That for me is the story of mankind. 8 billion people winging it. Making it up as we go. Hoping that we can still be here when the sun comes up tomorrow.

Saturday March 5, 2022

It’s time to cut down on the calories and do a bit of conscious time restricted eating after weighing in this morning at 2 kgs over my mid week weight of 80.5kgs. I reckon I got the insulin moving yesterday with a big lunch and an obscene over indulgence of 5 potato cakes yesterday afternoon plus a keto vegetarian pizza for dinner. I can just wait until dinner time tonight. 

2 cricket players have dropped dead of heart attacks over the past 2 days. One was 74 and the other a shocking 52. Could this have links? Anything is possible in this world of manipulated information.

Habits

For many years the word “habits” has been associated with a particular activity that I won’t go into today. The simple truth is that as we have an autonomic nervous system that does its job automatically we also have automatic habits that kick in by default. My life has been defined by periods of both good and bad habits. Patterns that kick in from time to time. Sometimes associated with huge amounts of discipline while at other times simple default actions from some past time or pattern.

Over the past year I have proved to myself that having a goal, plan and huge amounts of self discipline can modify habits immensely. It seems to me that when the vision drops out, when the product that you are going for becomes dim, when the pressure of life and death isn’t part of the equation then it is so damn easy to lose sight and fall into old ways. There is pride associated with good habits whether it be in relation to diet, grooming, body care, exercise. There is also a willingness to create as opposed to “being created” or in other words assigning responsibility to some outside force or cause. That’s another one – cause and effect. Then there is knowledge, responsibility and control, 3 things that go hand in hand to put you in control of your own destiny. Good habits are synonymous with constant vigilance. Good habits are actions that you are conscious of. Actions that you have decided to pursue. Actions that you attach importance too. Actions that can lead you like a bright beacon toward a glowing goal.

Good habits generally imply that their opposite will lead to pain and unhappiness while good habits although at time hard to sustain generally lead you over obstacles towards a known goal which often ends in happiness.

Friday March 4, 2022

How We Met Purnami

Georgie and I visited Bali towards the end of July 2019 with the purpose of leasing land in Penestanan from an Australian expat who we had met at the end of 2018. As fate had it the deal fell through and we embarked upon a road trip up the east coast of Bali. It’s always easy to look back on adversity to realize that what seemed like a disaster was really a huge stroke of good fortune. What happened over the next couple of weeks cascaded into a series of events that have brought us to where we are today.

Our dream to own a property in Bali was rekindled in late 2018 when we met an American couple who had a property for sale. This almost came off but they shafted us at the last moment which turned out to be a good thing. Fate is a strange mistress.

As usual when it comes to memories and the correct time sequence there may be discrepancies with what really happened so forgive my indiscretions with time, place. form and event.

There were several factors at play in mid 2019. One being that Georgie and I had just got married after having been together for 23 years, another very significant and important component was that I had given up some very bad habits several months earlier and I was beginning to see some significantly positive results. Change is always easier for me when I force myself into a new physical location. The triggers that keep the habits in place aren’t in the new and often unfamiliar locations. There is a tangible freedom from these invisible forces that shape the habits that control one’s destiny in an often predictable manner. Overall, I was in a new head space from which I could view the present and plan the future.

After the land deal fell through we caught up with an acquaintance, a woman who I had only met twice in my life. Once in 1974 and again in the early 1980s. She was the ex partner of a close friend and she “owned” a villa in Penestanan which apparently she was considering selling the lease for. We had lunch with her and visited her place, an exotic but run down joglo down an obscure gang (laneway) at the Ubud end of Penestanan.

After leaving Lily Lane and embarking on our road trip which turned out to be a success, staying in places that I hadn’t visited in decades, we got to experience a different aspect of Bali that in some ways cemented our desire to create a stronger bond.

When we returned to Penestanan we chose to stay at a place called Outpost, a mixture of a co-working space and some small but pleasant rooms located around a pool. The costs fitted our limited budget. What I liked about this place was meeting people from all over the world. Russians, Americans, Europeans. There was always a new conversation to be had in the breakfast space plus we started to feel part of life in downtown Penestanan.

This is where we first ran into our friend Purnami who was working on reception at Outpost which was located  just behind a very exotic vegan restaurant called Alchemy. We had daily meetings with Liz, the Australian woman who owned the lease on the property that we had started considering and often chatted with Purnami when we got back to Outpost. She worked different shifts so she was there early morning some days and in the evening on others. The rapport between the 3 of us was always good. During the conversations that we had with Purnami we learned that she had 2 young daughters and wanted more flexibility in her role as a mother. Based on the possibility that we would lease the property from Liz we broached the idea of her eventually working for us. Very tentative discussions ensued where we both wondered about the other and what we were thinking. 

We returned to Melbourne in mid August not yet convinced about Joglo Putih, the property that we had considered leasing from Liz or hiring Purnami. Life was changing for us, we still had Tusk Gallery in Kilsyth and worked our asses off to make it work but to no avail. It was just too far off the beaten track. Georgie started doing architectural drawings with her ideas of what we could do at Joglo Putih and bit by bit we convinced ourselves that taking a chance on buying the lease was feasible. We were still in touch with Purnami but had not come to any agreements with her yet. 

Around this time she started posting about a small one bedroom villa that her Uncle owned in Penestanan. We had planned to return to Bali in early November and negotiated a pretty good deal on staying there for the time of our stay.

In true form we made a series of decisions that would begin to reshape our destiny. Firstly we decided to take a 20 year lease on Joglo Putih which we renamed Villa Tusk, we hired Purnami and on top of that we decided to lease Putu’s small villa D’Cahyani House for one year and rent it out on AirBnB. Within days of making these decisions we signed leases and moved the furniture from Joglo Putih to D’Cahyani House which we renamed Villa Kecil. We set it up with the additional furniture and I must say did a fantastic job in an amazingly short period and then listed it on AirBnB and started taking bookings. We now had a staff member and 2 leases plus a commitment to renovate Villa Tusk and we called that a holiday! By the time we left Bali to return to Melbourne we already had some bookings and our AirBnB business had begun in Bali.

Renovations began at Villa Tusk just before Christmas 2019. We arrived back in Bali in mid January 2020 to oversee the work being done at our villa and to choose furniture, tiles and other necessary items. The booking calendar had filled up pretty quickly at Villa Kecil and the future was looking bright. We had several trips booked back to Bali throughout 2020 to oversee the renovation and building work at Villa Tusk. The trip was successful, we were full of enthusiasm and optimism, we returned to Australia in early February.

And then Covid came to town! Purnami has worked for us now for a bit over 2 years. Georgie communicates with her every day via WhatsApp and between the them of them they have co-ordinated the renovation and overcome all sorts of unseen obstacles that reared their ugly heads along the way.

Bali has been closed to tourism for the past 2 years. Who knows what it will be like when the tourists start returning. March is the month when things open up again but the transition from Covid Bali to Bali : The Island of Paradise will be slow.

We both feel optimistic that everything will work out beautifully, there are obscure and abstract ideas and plans. Purnami is now entrenched with us and our journey is about to re-begin.

Thursday March 3, 2022

We are at Red Hill. I got good deep sleep, good REM but I went to bed far too late and got up much later than I normally do resulting in me feeling angry, anxious and full of angst. What I love about sleeping at Red Hill is being in the country, away from people, EMF/radio waves and whatever other pollution that can creep into the crevices of my soul. I generally get better deep sleep when I am here but this morning this angsty feeling is bloody horrible. Enough of that. My private battle this morning is to be civil and kind to Georgie and keep the asshole caged, even better, let it out to run away.

The world narrative has shifted from Covid 19 to how bad Putin is. America has another baddy and Russia has returned to its position as No.1 enemy of capitalism. We have gone full circle to a new version of the cold war of the post WW2 era. I just want this to be over. pestilence, war, financial woes, ill health. It’s no wonder people are not happy. I have noticed this myself empirically over the past 2 weeks since I had the Novavax vaccination. It appears that once your attention goes onto the negative aspects of life that you go into a spin, the deeper you go the faster the descent happens until it feels like a concrete truck rolling out of control down a hill in Balmain.

Enough of that.

Bali March 2022

It has been more than 2 years since we last set foot on Bali. When we flew home in early February 2020 we had another 4 flights booked to return to Bali to oversee the renovation of Villa Tusk in Penestanan (near Ubud). 

Covid put an abrupt end to our plans.

Fast forward to March 2022 and Bali is opening up to the world once again. Things are looking better as each day goes by. We have just been informed that hotel quarantine is ending in mid march and if all goes well you will be able to pick up your Visa on arrival at Ngurah Rai Airport when you arrive.

We are booked to return to Bali in mid April for 5 weeks and again in August for 6 weeks.

Villa Tusk is pretty much ready to go. We will finish styling and choose and hang artworks when we arrive in April. The most amazing thing is that this has been a dream of mine for almost 40 years. It is finally happening.

At this point in time it’s hard to envisage the changes that may have occurred over the past 2 years. “My Bali”  around Ubud is pretty timeless so there may be a few less restaurants and more parking spots in Ubud but once you get a couple of kilometres out of the centre of town I’m pretty certain it will be much the same as I remember it.

For the past 2 months we have had a Russian girl staying at Villa Tusk. Ironically we have just been negotiating with a couple from the Ukraine to stay after we. Our topsy turvy world and its wars and craziness has now also impacted Bali. Yesterday we got a message from our Russian guest letting us know that she will have to move out of Villa Tusk because the war has impacted her financial status in Bali. Let’s hope that all of this madness ends soon and the world returns to some sort of normalcy.

Wednesday March 2, 2022

Yesterday was a day of learning, frustration and to a limited degree, accomplishment. I did learn how to change the home page of the Tusk Villas website and I did change it. Still more work to do but it is now a lot better than it was. Next step is to get the social media happening and to up our game with our AirBnB listing.

I did go for a walk and get a few other healthy activities under my belt but it wasn’t a day to write home about.

March is once again looming. A month of significant dates. It’s the month when I started dating Georgie, Finn’s birth month and the month that both my son Paul and my father George died, it’s the month when my first marriage dissolved 27 years ago, also the month when I first got married in 1979 and the month that Georgie’s brother Rick was born. A month of cascading dates that are wrapped in significances and memories both good and bad, positive and negative.

Underlying all of this significance is the simple but true reality that “now” is all that really exists. The powerful and magnificent beauty and enchantment of the present moment.

This year will mark the 10th anniversary of Paul’s passing. Where is he now? Who is he now? Will we ever meet again under better circumstances? It will also be 7 years since I felt my father’s last breath on my face and experienced him leaving his body. 

These questions I cannot answer with any great level of certainty. The hidden answers possibly touch upon the most cryptic part of the mystery of life. I watched a doco last night about the past 4.5 billion years of our planet. How it was formed, the extinction events that have happened along the way, the creation of the continents and seas, oxygen and the mystical appearance of life which subsequently led to the appearance of the human species. 

My theory is that we (our consciousness) are inhabiting these wonderful bodies that have evolved over these past 4.5 billion years. Yes, we inhabit them but are not them even though we identify as them. If my theory is correct then that opens the door to other huge questions that remain unanswered to me and potentially will for my lifetime.

That’s what I need to keep my eye on. As far as this current experience goes I have a finite amount of time. My sole purpose should be a) finding peace with myself and my existence and b) doing whatever is possible to make the current experience as wonderful as possible for myself and the rest of mankind.

There are players entering this game every day and then there are those who leave. It is an ever changing cascade of consciousness. But in my simple understanding of the bigger game it seems to me that once something as unique and amazing as consciousness exists for but one second then there is no way that it will then cease to exist. The really tricky conundrum is the singularity. That seems to be what matters to us most, our sense of being “me” in an ocean of “me’s”. As the old song says “One is a lonely number”.

Tuesday March 1, 2022

Summer is officially over once again. The lazy hazy days will have to wait until (wait for it) April when Georgie and I return to Bali. If all goes as it looks like it may the Visa on arrival and quarantine situations should be resolved by then, thank goodness because this alone would have cost us around $3000.

Income Idea

It may pan out that our main source of income might come from AirBnB. We got our first full price booking for Villa Tusk yesterday which in itself isn’t a really big deal but overall it has a special significance, we have now broken the ice. Obviously the first thing we need to do is to get Villa Tusk off the starting blocks, this is what we plan on doing when we arrive in April …. styling, art, furniture, garden, gang etc

So here’s my bright idea. 

We do not want to commit ourselves to any future financial responsibility so for now that rules out lease agreements in Bali. What I was thinking was that we have a plan to find villas owned by Balinese people that we could team up with. They supply the Villa and we supply the marketing platform, management, styling and art. From what I can see there are 100s of small villas available in Ubud, many of these are owned by local Balinese who look at them as cheap homestays and would potentially be happy receiving $40-$50 per night. We could at least double this or more depending on what we can pull off. My concept is still a bit sketchy but here goes … as rough as guts.

We have certain assets and skills.

  1. Our AirBnB Superhost platform and status.
  2. A history of running successful AirBnB properties in Melbourne and Bali.
  3. The experience of furnishing and marketing Villa Kecil and making a success of it. The only reason it stopped working was because of Covid and the locking down of Bali.
  4. We have a great relationship with Purnami who also has contacts within Penestanan. She could help us find villas and also be our representative.
  5. We have skills to style the villas so they look more exotic and photograph better for AirBnB. Most Balinese villas look great on the outside but when you see the inside they are stark, badly furnished and empty. This alone is enough to create a bad holiday experience.
  6. We can also use our skills and influence to turn Penestanan into more of an art based village and destination in its own right.
  7. We already own enough art and prints to cover the walls and get the ball rolling and can source out new artists for the future.

The next step is to make the concept more tangible and to run it by Purnami to a) see if she is interested and b) see if she knows anybody who may be interested. Before doing this I need to run some figures and have a more concrete financial plan in place plus some sort of Balinese style legal agreements on how it could be done and be mutually beneficial to both parties.

We would have to clearly delineate who our demographic is and what they might expect from their accomodation. This could be based in the same demographic whom were booking Villa Kecil.

Monday February 28, 2022

After writing almost a treatise on my viewpoints on the Novavax vaccination side  effects being negligible I am beginning to doubt that my observations were 100% correct. 

I still believe that the condition of our body to counteract any poison going into us is a key player in the outcome but based on what is and has been observably changed behaviour in my body and mental outlook on life I now suspect that the Corona Virus vaccines are dangerous.

Yesterday I was unnaturally tired and cranky. I felt tired, heavy and life seemed harder than it should be. Normally I am the opposite to this. I was a cup half empty person as opposed to a cup half full person for most of the day. I was far more serious and missed the magic in life that I normally find surrounding me.

This is still just speculation. I am simply observing reactions and manifestations. There is still the chance that there is a placebo and nocebo effect with these vaccinations where some of us expect and look for negative results whilst others firmly believe that they are being protected and doing the right thing. 

The truth be known, I do not fall into this group and as I said earlier there is no way that I would have chosen to have this vaccination. I still believe that external pressures forcing it on me in order to allow me to travel and enter other countries is a violation of my human rights.

There is more and more information appearing from the scientific community in regard to negative effects that are now becoming evident from the earlier batch of nRMA vaccines. This will continue to happen. Mankind is so easy to dupe. We accept lies and misinformation, disinformation so easily that we are open to being part of almost any big experiments that people with bad intentions choose to carry out on us.

So far today all I have is a headache but I’m pretty certain that it will dissipate a the morning moves on, it is already. I also still have a touch of negativity coursing through my psyche.

Cancer

I had another realisation last night about cancer. Maybe it was coming from a negative place or there again, maybe it was simply myself warning myself that I still have to be vigilant.

Overall I am still following protocols that I adopted during my cancer treatment period. I am seriously still cutting back on carbs and maintaining a state of nutritional keto, I am exercising, eating healthy food, doing infra red saunas and HBOT, taking supplements.

The simple truth is that I cannot allow conditions in my body or mind to instigate any chance of errant cells starting to divide and proliferate, metastasizing and poisoning my body. In order to reach my target and live a long and happy, healthy life I have to remain at a heightened level of awareness and action.

Until 3 years ago I had allowed my body to arrive in a bad and negative space, I had almost actively pushed myself to the edge. I reached the precipice and looked over the side into the darkness only to change my mind and run in the other direction.

Our bodies need 24 hour a day maintenance, especially for those of us who are recovering from cancer. When looked at objectively it is so obvious. All you need is one cell to realize that it can go into treason against the body and the chance is that conditions will deteriorate.

It’s a bit like a society or group of people being in perfect harmony and doing all the right things to survive after being desecrated by a war. They have experienced the horrors and fears of imbalance and bad communication, lack of integrity, flawed ethics and errant justice and come out the other side with hope and optimism. This is a state that has to be maintained and continually created in order for social harmony to win the day. 

The same applies to cancer.

Where have I been on February 28

Pretty certain that in 1997 I was in Jogjakarta, in 2011 I was in Bangkok with Paul trying to establish an art gallery that never eventuated. 3 years ago in 2019 I was in Jodphur in Rajasthan, India. Possibly in Glebe, Sydney on this day in 1975.

Sunday 27 February 2022

Something went off the rails last night. My HRV dropped to 29, one of the lowest levels that I have recorded. I don’t know where I went wrong. I did some weights yesterday, I ate less and went to bed hungry, I didn’t even go for a walk, I took my supplements early … who knows! I feel heavy limbed and mentally sludgy.

I played a bit of guitar last night. Felt like a real amateur. The same old notes played in the same old way. It left me feeling frustrated and even more aware that I really need to lift my game and find some direction with music. I’m happy with the writing, I’m pretty happy with the health and learning, I’ve started thinking about art and as a hum in the background I have become very aware of my need to become innovative in the area of making some money. By that I mean long term money that will sustain us for the next few decades. This is a real flash point for us and needs to be addressed urgently and intelligently.

Finn is down at Cape Patterson for Luca’s 22nd birthday, he drove down in the Lexus with Josh yesterday. I’m about to make the most of it and have a guilt free bath.

I’ve spent a lot of time thin king about Bali of late. Starting to build up the website and write blogposts as well as collecting YouTube clips that will hopefully make our website informative, interesting and functional. I personally think that AirBnB might be the way to move forward but we also have to be very, very careful about not overcommitting ourselves. Re Bali properties, instead of taking out leases maybe we can come to some agreements with locals and work together to use our AirBnB platform, art and styling skills to make more money for them and take a share ourselves.

Saturday February 26, 2022

On our last 2 trips to Bali in late 2019 and early 2020 Georgie and I made pilgrimages to Taman Bebek Villas perched on the ridge overlooking the beautiful Ayung River Valley in the village of Sayan which is to the west of Ubud, just a hop, skip and jump from Penestanan, the village where Villa Tusk is located.

The reason this memory arose is because I have once again immersed myself in the magic of Bali. We will be finally returning in mid April for the first time in over 2 years. Yesterday I started skimming through a book called “A House In Bali” written in the 1940s by American musician Colin McPhee who arrived in Bali in 1932 to explore Balinese Gamelan music and eventually built a house very close to the very same location where we spent so many good times in 1998 at the Taman Bebek which translates to Duck House. His book is enchanting, it’s a must read for anybody who has an interest in Bali’s past and the culture and personality of the Balinese.

24 years ago I stayed at Taman Bebek 3 times. Once in January 1998 with “A”, again in March with Georgie and again in September with Paul during the Megawati

election campaign. I had returned to Bali in January 1996 with Paul and “A” after a hiatus of about 9 years, we stayed in Legian, Seminyak and finally made our way up the mountain to Penestanan where we stayed with a man named Dhana at his homestay which was named Kori Agung, now re-incarnated as The Yellow Flower restaurant.

Our villa at Taman Bebek that we stayed in during those 3 trips in 1998 wasn’t anywhere near 5 star accomodation, no swimming pool, no air conditioning, the electricity was off more than it was on. But you know what, for me it epitomised my magical and exotic vision of what Bali was all about. This location felt like home for a while. I even took our bicycles to Bali and left them there for the whole of 1998.

Here is an except from the 1946 book by Colin McPhee “A House in Bali” where he describes how he leased the land in Sayan where he built his house.

“The village of Sayan stretched along the top of a narrow ridge that ran up into the mountains. Every three days a crowded bus rattled down from the Chinese coffee plantations to Den Pasar, choking and stalling as it climbed back again at night. The land I wanted lay at the end of the village, next to the graveyard, on the edge of a deep ravine. Far below ran the river; across the valley ricefields rose in terraces and disappeared in the coconut groves. Behind these ran the mountains of Tabanan, and far off to the south a triangle of sea shone between the hills. The land had once been terraced to grow rice, but now was covered with grass and shaded with coconuts. It descended in several steps to the edge of the cliff, where it dropped four hundred feet. From below came the faint roar of the river as it rushed among the rocks and stones. The village belonged to the district of Gianyar, ruled by the detested Anak Agung Ngurah, who was eating his heart out at colonial restraint. His attempts at ancient tyranny were constantly foiled by the Controlleur, whose tiny office across the square from the palace in Gianyar was a constant and infuriating reminder of another régime. Sayan was a peasant village, not very old, but running according to old Balinese law. There was not even a village school, and very few men spoke Malay, which meant I would have to learn Balinese. There were three banjars, with an assembly: where on rare occasions the elders of all three banjars met for matters of grave importance. There were half a dozen small temples, and a crumbling palace which belonged to me Chokorda Rani, a poverty-stricken, prince from the ancient and highborn family which once ruled in Pliatan, across me valley to me east. The rest of the village were simple farmers: when they heard a white man was coming to live among them the signal. drums beat loudly, and there was meeting after meeting of the village elders. Rendah, the owner of the land, was a shy frail man of fifty; he was plainly startled. When, as he led his cow through the bamboos one afternoon, he found me sitting under his trees. It was only after Kesyur told him that I was merely walking for pleasure that he relaxed. Then Balinese manners prevailed. I was welcome! Would I not like some coconut water? He tucked his dusty sarong around his Joins and began to climb a palm with surprising agility. In a moment there was the double thud of two nuts as they fell, and he descended, to open them with a neat blow from his heavy knife. We sat conversing. I made no mention of my plans, as I knew the idea that I wanted to build a house on his land would have to be broken with caution. Kesyur was soon embarked on a synopsis of where I had come from, where I was going, my finances and my character, while I was already thinking of the kind of house to build. I saw Rendah twice before I ventured to tell him what I had in mind. It was clearly a shock, and there were many conferences with his older brother, who was headman of the village. He spoke in disapproving tones, but finally the two broke down and consented. I offered to lease the land for ten years, with a lease to drawn up legally before me Controlleur in Gianyar. But before this could be done, the pipil or deed would have to be found. This was a bit of writing scratched on palm leaf. No one had seen it for ages, and it took a month to find. In the meantime the village heard of the amazing news, and soon found out that Rendah would profit considerably. This was too much! A long and bitter dispute arose over the ownership of the land. The village claimed it had always been village property. Chokorda Rahi, the prince, suddenly appeared, all smiles, to say that the land belonged actually to him, had been given to him long ago by his father, in the palace at Ubud. The land had been merely loaned to Rendah, he claimed, adding sweetly that I was welcome to it, I must please accept it. Rendah, however, insisted that the land had been given outright to him by the Chokorda in return for money he had once loaned, and the day the pipil was found the Chokorda had to retreat, baffled. This pipil on examination turned out after all to be made out in favour of Rendah’s older brother, the klian, with items—the coconut trees remained the property of Chokorda Rahi; the crop was his; one-fifth of it went to Rendah in payment for watching the trees. At last it was agreed that the klian should receive the rent, while I would engage Rendah as gardener and watchman, and give him a similar amount. Both were pleased; this maintained a balance, was justice. The village, however, was far from pleased, and immediately began a lawsuit against the klian. Two months later the verdict was given at the Courthouse in Gianyar, and they had lost. Angry meetings now took place in the pavilion of the elders. Kesyur told me they had vowed to take the case to Buleléng; then to the Governor-General in Java, and later, if necessary, even to Queen Wilhemina herself in Holland. But Jacobs, the Controlleur in Gianyar, assured me the village had no claim, and that I could begin to build. I did not like the idea of breaking into a hostile community. I already had a feeling of guilt about the disruption my mere presence in the village would inevitably cause, but I had hoped I might be able to move in peacefully. However, I felt that this quarrel was not mine, and I decided to let matters stand until the time when I actually came to the village to live. I was determined not to ruin things at the outset by the simple solution of offering a bribe of money, and I had lived on the island long enough to feel that things would soon quiet down again, especially if I made the village a present of two pigs at next galungan-time, which was soon approaching. This was a ten-day season of bright celebrations, when the spirits of the ancestors came down to earth to be honoured and entertained, and the opening day in particular was one of great feasting. It was also a day for giving presents—chiefly food, it seemed, for everyone who killed a pig for his own use sent the choicest parts to those to whom he felt indebted in some way. On this day I gave new batik sarongs to Kesyur, Nyoman, Madé Tantra; a bottle of brandy to Gusti Bagus in Saba. The unexpected arrival of two additional pigs for slaughter (as large as I could find) could not fail, I thought, to soothe the village elders, especially on a morning when all were in the best of humour.”

It was in Sayan that I decided that I would like my own house in Bali in early 1998. To get to Sayan from Ubud would generally involve driving through the village of Penestanan, a village that I had connections with since my very first trip to Bali in 1983. I have always been drawn back to this part of Bali. I have many memories of late night drives through the quiet streets, rides on our bicycles and even walks through the rice fields. For me it epitomises a combination of the best of what I love about Bali, even the western businesses in the village seem to meld with ambience of Bali instead of fighting against it.

So here I am in late February 2022 yearning to return to Bali. It is almost 40 years since I first arrived at Ngurah Rai Airport and smelled the exotic scents of humidity, decaying vegetation, heat, human excrement, fruit, dogs … a mish mash of smells that can only be associated with equatorial Asia. 

Friday February 25, 2022

Novavax Reaction 25/5/22

It is now 5 days since I got my Novavax vaccination and from where I stand it’s looking like there have been minimal side effects. Put it this way, if I hadn’t of been keeping a log I wouldn’t have really even noticed some of the small reactions I have written about since Sunday. 

I am assuming a couple of things. Firstly that this vaccine is relatively safe or it is for my body, I won’t have a concise perspective on this until I see what happens in the future. I don’t know what has happened to others who have had it. Secondly, I prepared my body by eating one meal a day of very healthy, very low card, high fat food including a huge amount of non starchy vegetables and a smaller amount of protein. I was in a high state of nutritional ketosis when I was vaccinated. That means my blood sugar was about 4 as were my ketones. It’s not easy to get into this state of nutritional ketosis but it worked for me when I had radiation therapy in 2021 (I had no side effects or negative reactions). I was also doing 3 hours of HBOT each week plus having infra red saunas and walking at least one hour a day. No alcohol, no crap food. I also worked hard to get good quantity and quality sleep and did my best to keep my stress levels down (even though I admit that after I got the vaccine I felt slightly agitated).

Finally I will say possibly the most important fact. I didn’t once think that I was being vaccinated to protect myself or anybody else from the current variation of Covid 19 called Omicron. I firmly believe that I would have been better off not having the vaccine at all. I am a firm believer in trusting the efficacy of my own immune system. I do not say that glibly or lightly as I spend a huge amount of each day maintaining my body. I am 70 years old and as such I have time to do this and understand that it is not possible for everyone to invest this much effort. I also had cancer last year. The protocols I am applying were learned while on my cancer journey which I won. I am healthy and overall feel great. I believe that everything that one does in life needs to be evaluated against the existing data or situation. If it was pre February 2019, which is when I started working seriously on my health, gave up alcohol and started cutting down on carbs, then I would have probably had a different viewpoint as my immune system was shot back then. It is all about circumstances. Our governments assume a one size fits all attitude and call it science. That is bullshit. Using logic and reason and basing one’s decisions on known facts is the most effective way to approach anything. As far as I know I have handled all of my pre-existing conditions over the past 3 years and have no know co-morbidities. The more data that comes to light shines a light on the simple fact that our lifestyles are what is compromising our health. As a species we have lost touch with the magical healing powers that our own bodies inherently possess. Over the past couple of centuries we have been living more toxic lifestyles, eating inflammatory and poisonous foods, introducing toxic chemicals into our environments and bodies, not exercising as much as we need to to maintain a base level of fitness. The list goes on. We have lost touch with the basic power of nature and human biological evolution.

I had the vaccination because I buckled under circumstances that I alone created. I need to travel this year in order to create a financial base to get me through the next few decades as I currently have no money (but I do have a lot of hope and optimism), as I said earlier, I am 70 and have no money in the bank. The “group think” and laws of most countries imply that in order to do this I must be vaccinated. I waited for NOVAVAX because I refused to have the current vaccines, which I still do not trust. This does not mean that I condone NOVAVAX or the need to be vaccinated, what it means is that I consider it the lesser of 3 evils and is something that society demands of me if I want to partake in travel.

Finally. I have a huge amount of empathy for those who have lost loved ones during the last 2 years and those who have been adversely affected by lockdowns and government responses to the virus. I firmly believe that the so called cure has been worse that the disease and that when we do have the luxury of looking back and honestly dissecting what happened historians will see the errors of our response as a species.

I am also sad that we haven’t dug deep and looked at the basic issues that face us. All of the modern illnesses that we bring down upon ourselves could be handled if we as a group decided to look at the simple facts that are so obvious. But that’s another story and possibly one that is a bit too hard to face up to at this stage of our evolution.

Thursday February 24, 2022

It is now 4 days since I had my Novavax vaccination. I refuse to call it a jab as I hate any of the popular vernacular that sprung up around this new culture. I heard this morning that Pfizer has made 37 million dollars from the pandemic and even more frighteningly has gone from being one of America’s most mistrusted companies to a shining brand name. What a ploy it was naming the vaccine after the company! Anyway back to me. I went for a walk yesterday morning during which my face felt like I had experienced a mini stroke. Nothing outrageous but it felt a bit numb from my left eye down to my jaw. I stopped taking ivermectin last night. I took 6 18 mg capsules, 3 days before and 3 after the vaccine was administered. I will now be able to rule out symptoms from the ivermectin. Overall it looks like so far there has been no huge reaction from NUVAXOVID (Novavax) although I have been feeling a bit lower emotionally a bit like going from the high E on a 6 string guitar to the middle E on the D string of as Bass Guitar.

General

It is 37 years ago since Helen got married to Jake. For dome reason I didn’t realize that it happened during February. We were living in Burke Rd, Camberwell if my memory serves me and I had my first short haircut for over a decade. This was the year before we purchased our house in French St. My god, so long ago. Helen wore a re-jigged wedding dress that my mum wore at her wedding. She looked beautiful. My Dad wore a grey suit, white shirt and tie. It’s so funny looking at him when he was younger than I am now (he was 62). He still had black hair, more than I could say about me.

Apart from that I don’t have any spectacular plans for today.

One interesting thing that happened yesterday was that  we met a man named Anthony who lives at number 18 Mountain Drive. Turns out that he is a musician, has a recording studio and has philosophically aligned viewpoints to ours. We had a fabulous conversation, very open and intimate. Who would have ever imagined that somebody like that was only 4 doors away

Wednesday February 23, 2022

Novavax Reactions

Tuesday 22/2/2022

Felt pretty good yesterday apart from a nervous/anxious feeling in the evening. I cannot say for certain that this is due to Novavax 3 days ago. The feeling of anxiety became quite physical, this isn’t something that I normally feel. I had cancer last year and my oncologist prescribed me ivermectin as a supplementary medicine. I have taken 18mg of this 3 days prior to vaccination and 3 days after. Will stop today. Maybe that has contributed! Who knows. I upped my Vit D last night to 12,000 IU plus had extra curcumin and quercetin plus NAC and other standard supplements. I have peripheral neuropathy in my feet but have not noticed any worsening of symptoms since having Novavax. Still feel a bit light headed and still have mild ringing in my ears but this may be from years of loud music and I’m only noticing it now.

Somebody has asked me whether it’s better to do water fast or OMAD (one Meal A Day). I figure that both of these methods would be effective. Main thing is to regulate blood sugar and in my case lift up the ketones. I upped my Bit D to 12,000 IU last night. Also taking C and heaps of other supplements. I had cancer last year and applied healthy nutritional Keto as one of my strategies. I based my OMAD strategy on the work of Dr Valter Longo. The idea is to get the healthy cells a bit more resilient. Worked for cancer so I figured that it would also help with Novavax side effects. I’m 70 years old, healthy (now) and very careful about diet, exercise etc. I haven’t had Covid and have had a great journey through the past 2 years. I’m feeling healthier and fitter than I have in decades. BTW I handled the cancer with a lot of hard work and healthy protocols.

General

I’ve noticed a strange reaction that I have when an artist that I have dealt with over the years has become financially successful. It’s weird. I got as Facebook notification this morning that a small Kitti Narod painting is selling for $10,000 and I am over the moon for Kitti but for some reason I feel a bit lossy that I don’t have any paintings left for myself from Kitti’s latest body of work. I am incredibly happy for him but also sad that I won’t be able to deal with him anymore. That’s that way that success works. Imagine how Pete Best must have felt when the Beatles hit the big time or for that matter anyone else who has been on the periphery of an artist or musician who attained success. Knowing that I contributed in some small way should be enough gratification. It’s interesting to spot that my intentions were not all about altruism as I pretended to myself at different times. My journey through the art world has been rewarding and served it’s purpose well. It is time to let go of past aspirations and to just integrate whatever aspect of art and creativity that I can into the rest of my life. because for me that’s what my actions and thoughts are and should be about. How to move forward into the future in a well balanced and adventurous manner, enjoying each day as it comes and learning how to have or not have personal possessions and accolades. I am what I am and if I play my cards right I can only get better and become more fulfilled and happier with my lot.

Tuesday February 22, 2022

What a numerically auspicious date it is 22.02.2022, 6 2s and 2 0s

I didn’t get enough sleep last night. I certainly fucked up with the timing as I could have got into bed a lot earlier but considering all of that I’m feeling fine.

Novavax Symptoms Day 3 22/2/22

Nothing much is discernible. I am aware of a slight pain at the injection site but this does not bother me. I can only feel it if I put pressure on it. Still have ringing in my ears which may be a bit louder than it normally is. Felt a bit crabby again yesterday but I cannot directly attribute that to the vaccination. So overall there is nothing to report. It looks like the vaccination isn’t going to have any sort of overtly profound effect on me. Yesterday’s heart rate was still normal, blood pressure was a bit up when I did it at 10.30am 144/84. Glucose was 4.4 and Ketones were 3.3. Oxygen levels were 98. I’m still on one meal a day but had one of A’s very pure green drinks at about 3.30pm. No walking and no sauna yesterday! Had extra supplements like NAC, Choline, Curcutex as well as my normal supplements. Ate rich bone broth and vegetable soup with homemade chicken liver pate for dinner plus home grown rhubarb, cream, a few blueberries and macadamias.

General

Ironically I got one of those blocked phone calls again yesterday. A bit twilight zone after writing about them yesterday. I really do have to work out a strategy that will be functionable and that won’t rock the boat. I don’t feel any animosity to the people making the call but it’s a bit like trying to explain to somebody who believes that the government mandates, censorship and everybody, including children should be triple vaccinated that there may be other options. The simple truth is that if they have not done their own research there is no way that having a well balanced discussion can occur.

Today I am going to have oxygen this morning (Georgie is coming with me) and then we are heading to Red Hill to get the house ready for the steam cleaning man who will come on Wednesday/Thursday to finish off the flea wars at the house.

2.15pm : We are at Red Hill unloading some of our old furniture to store in the big shed and getting the house ready for the steam cleaner tomorrow. We are wondering whether it is worth our while continuing to create Red Hill as an Air BnB. We really have to get some firm agreements in place to make it worth our while to continue. Plus we need to smooth things out so Georgie feels appreciated and there is some sort of acknowledgment that what we are doing is appreciated and worthwhile. We also need to do a proposal to use the land down in the front paddock to create some sort of accomodation that will make us some sort of income. Tenuous stuff. 

Bali

I’ve been doing a lot of looking on Youtube for vids on Bali. There are many but most of them are useless for our website but overall there is enough material to use on our website to make it more informative. I’ve still got a lot to do on this project but must be patient, strategic and systematic. We have one couple who Georgie is talking to who may rent the house for a couple of months. We still have to do research into visas. It looks like the quarantine might be over by the time we get there which will be a lot kinder on our budgets. Yesterday we started pulling out paintings that we will take with us. I also have a series of images that we will print to get framed. Had an interesting idea that we can call the villa our art gallery. The idea will be to have designated hanging spots around the walls and put different paintings up on a monthly basis.

We are currently negotiating with a Ukrainian family to rent the villa for a few months after we visit in April/May. They have come to look at the villa today. Fingers crossed.

That’s a wrap for today.

Monday February 21, 2022

Novavax Symptoms

Nothing much to report. After the vaccination I could feel something happening with my immune system but nothing overly discernable.

I felt a bit anxious and crabby throughout the day and my head felt a bit light and “fizzy”.

No pain at the vaccination sight. No fatigue, although I did sleep for 8.5 hours last night.

My heart rate variability (HRV) is down to 31 which may or may not be connected. It does this sometimes. Deep sleep was 1 hours 20 minutes and REM was 2 hours and 31 minutes.My resting heart rate average throughout the night was 53 which is a bit higher than normal and my lowest was 47 at 4.30am which is also a bit higher than average. I didn’t go for a walk yesterday.

So overall, there isn’t really anything to report. Hopefully my immune system is performing it’s duties and my B and T cells are activating to create some sort of memory of the spike protein that was injected into me.

I still do not believe that I needed to be vaccinated and I am more than glad that I waited throughout last year for Novavax to be approved. I still do not trust any of the earlier vaccines. We are booked in for our second round of novavax in 3 weeks time.

General

I am not doing as well mentally as I have been in recent times. One thing that I have noticed is that I have become less mindful and less appreciative of the present. I haven’t been looking out as much and have spent more time inside my head which sometimes feels like a nutribullet swirling around in perpetual motion. I have been creating greater expectations for myself but not achieving them, consequently missing the wonderful things that do happen. I am in a constant state of anticipation instead of being still and observing what is actually happening around me in the present moment. In the same way that my house and the physical universe needs constant creation so does the structure of my life. What happens to me and because of me is only really important to myself. I’ve noticed that I have been putting off communicating to people and I have been a bit short with Georgie. 

I think that I’ve just hit the nail on the head. It’s communication. I normally love talking to people but over the past couple of weeks I have been shirking my responsibilities. I haven’t even communicated with Allissa for 3 days. Even as I write I haven’t got a reason coming up but something I touched on was that I have been getting calls again from people at the AO. people who I don’t know. This has caused me to not answer my phone on several occasions. Is there an earlier similar experience. Sure as hell. Cathy Nitsche (nee Glogan) in 1980/81 would ring me at home at night, she would ring me during the day … I hated it. They were calls of desperation, not calls of compassion. She didn’t even care about me all she was doing was attempting top force a reality that I didn’t subscribe to. I fought back by playing dead, by pretending that I didn’t hear the phone which sat on the wall of our little kitchen in Highfield Rd. The early 80s were both good and bad. My tenure as a staff member at The Church Of Scientology were coming to an end but I drew it out, a bit like tolerating a migraine for far too long. I should have just been true to myself but I kept looking for ways to squirm out of my invisible commitments without too much collateral damage to myself. It could have been that stating your own viewpoints was not safe. You had to adhere to the company line. The group could have turned on you on a 20 cent coin and made your life a misery. There were gang leaders. Elaine Allen, Phyll Stevens. Lonely angry people who burned with passion for the desire to forward Scientology. Unfortunately because I let them have power Scientology, which could have done a lot of good for the world is now dead in its tracks. A bit like a band who had one hit at some time in the past but doesn’t realize that nobody cares anymore or doesn’t even know what the record was.

I still don’t want to rock the boat too much. I understand the potential repercussions of me overtly proclaiming that I do not agree with the trajectory of the philosophy that I adopted all those decades ago. I am happy, I grow almost every day. I find my own path and have found a way to be responsible for my own life.

Sunday 20 February, 2022

Today I join the ranks of the vaccinated. My reasons for doing this are 100% based on a need to visit Bali on business in mid April this year where 2 doses are necessary to get into the country of Indonesia. I am having the Novavax vaccination which has just been approved by the TGA and ATAGI. If I could choose and did not need to travel I would not be having any covid vaccine, especially the nRMA vaccines.

To say that I am a bit nervous is an understatement. The doctor has still not agreed to aspirate before giving the vaccination. This will be a problem if he or she refuses. 

https://pmj.bmj.com/content/early/2021/10/06/postgradmedj-2021-141119 (aspiration link)

I will be closely monitoring my heart rate, my blood sugar/ketones/blood pressure and any other metrics that I can do. I also plan to eat one meal a day for the next few days as I have done for the 3 days prior to receiving the vaccine. I am taking Vit D, C, K2, B, Curcutex, Quercetin, NAC, Ivermectin, Melatonin, Zinc and have been doing daily infra red saunas. Over the past couple of weeks I have been walking a minimum of 1 hour each day, quite often longer. I am monitoring my sleep patterns and activity on an Oura ring.

Vaccine : NUVAXOVID

Batch Number : 4301MF004

Serial Number :

Name of vaccine provider : Viewpoint Medical Clinic

7 Viewpoint Drive, Chirnside Park Dr Jimmy Lee

9727 4677

Time administered : 12.17am Sunday 20/2/2022

SYMPTOMS

I plan on recording any symptoms or observations over the next few days and weeks plus recording my metrics etc and any activities that I do like walking, sauna etc.

I did a blood test before I left home Blood Sugar/Glucose 3.9 Ketones 5.4. I have been doing one meal a day for the past 3 days and purposefully getting my blood sugar down and ketones up to attain a GKI of at least 1. It is lower. I’ve been feeling a bit lightheaded but have been taking at least 2 teaspoons of Maldon sea salt each day.

I asked the doctor to aspirate before injecting the vaccine. he did this. It is now 12.36 pm. I got the vaccination in my right arm.

*I have a slight sharp pain in the right side of my chest.

*I have a mild salt/peter taste in my mouth.

*My right arm is a bit sore but nothing to worry about and it is a bit tender on the underside below my elbow.

*I feel a bit light headed but that may be the lack of salt.

*Blood Pressure is 107/70 a bit lower than normal. 

*I feel a very slight burning sensation in the back right side of my neck which feels like I have had too much sun.

Heart Rate is 71, a bit higher than normal.

It is now 12.48 pm and there are no other obvious symptoms

The doctor was very friendly and we were both impressed with his efficiency, service and willingness to answer questions. Professional and matter of fact.

Later in the day I had some ringing in my ears which is normal but it may have been a bit louder, I felt a bit dizzy and light headed which once again is quite normal. I had a 90 minute infrared sauna in the late afternoon. My temperament was a bit cranky.

General

Overall I am feeling good. I have once again become obsessed with Bali and have been trolling YouTube and the internet for historical records, articles, history and photos also images that we can use for our villa. We had a reach yesterday on AirBnB for the villa.

Saturday February 19, 2022

The tide is turning. The media are crawling out of their foxholes and beginning to write articles of blame and shame directed at those politicians and so called experts who they so recently had put on a pedestal. They are now beginning to disabuse us of the fear that they artificially created in the first place and will now move toward pointing their finger at government bureaucrats and politicians who never really knew what they were talking about “they were just doing their jobs”. We are about to depart from the cult of personality that we have learned to live with over the past two years. The daily press briefings imparting words of wisdom and promises of protection and safety from almost certain death are now almost a thing of the past. The time is ripe to use the wonderful tool of retrospection whereby we can look back with impunity and dissect what has happened to the planet over the past two years.

There will be winners and there will be losers. From my perspective it is the children who never knew what democratic debate was all about, who never knew what it was like to be able to dissent without fear of being targeted and polarized, given a tag that labels them as something that they are not.

Formulating and sticking to one’s beliefs is what integrity is all about. Standing up for what you believe in. Over the pandemic years this became an almost criminal act whereby certain individuals were demonised by the press, police and politicians. It bodes badly for our society that we were in such a weak state that we let this happen. 

Which brings me to the main point of this observation. As usual it wasn’t really the politicians, the press, the petty bureaucrats who let society down. It was each of us individually allowing ourselves to be convinced that somebody else should protect us from harm. We were willing to give up our freedom, our rights in exchange for trusting somebody else to protect us from harm. How many times in the history of mankind has this happened. It is understandable but that doesn’t make it right. We allowed ourselves to be convinced that untested materials could be injected into our bodies so that rich shareholders could make greater profits, so that these big drug companies could test new delivery systems that will further enrich them in the future. We say we believe in God, well some of us do, but at the same time we have no confidence in the miracle of life and evolution. We have shone the light from the torch on the wrong target once again and not even learned from the obvious implications that we have let our bodies become weak and compromised from eating too much poisonous food and sitting on our bums in a dark room. We as a species are not willing or even logical enough to look back beyond a half a century ago and notice that there were hardly any obese people until after WW2. We always want complicated reasons to be laid before us when all we really have to do is to look at the obvious and stop conveniently lying to ourselves.

What is missing in our halls of learning and even parenting is teaching people/kids what personal responsibility really is and how it can empower each of us and help us strive to make our planet a more compassionate, strong and logical place where we are concerned about the welfare of others and are willing to put ourselves into the headspace of those less fortunate or those that attack us and as such be able to work out what to do to make things better.

Governments are like the concept of God that we have created. They will take away our sins and protect us from harm …. but it’s at a price.

Friday February 18, 2022

On this day in February 2019 Georgie and I tracked to the Ellora Caves near Aurangabad, Maharashtra in India. The monuments date back over 1000 years. Cave 16 features the largest single monolithic rock excavation in the world, the Kailash Temple, a chariot shaped monument dedicated to the Lord Shiva. 

It was a seemingly long bumpy drive getting there from our hotel in Aurangabad, when we finally arrived our driver took us to a very basic non touristy restaurant in the middle of nowhere where we were introduced to a young man who was to be our guide for the day. We trekked in from the “back door” following the same route taken by a British Officer named Jon Smith who was out hunting tigers when he inadvertently discovered the “caves” in 1819. I won’t try to write about the details of the caves but here’s a link that covers most of the main details.

The sun bore down on us as we spent hours scratching our heads at the magnificence of the ancient monuments that were carved by hand from the rock of the basalt cliffs in the Charanandri Hills. 

We only spent 2 days in Aurangabad, this was a last minute choice that Georgie made on our journey from Mumbai to Rajasthan where our first stop was the beautiful lake city of Udaipur. These were two days that made my jaw drop with wonder. Two days that stand out as highlights of our trip to India that year.

I’m not certain what I was upon to on this day in 2020 but I do know that we had recently returned from Bali where we were finalising the beginning of the renovations at Villa Tusk.

February 18th, 2021 was spent in the early stages of my battle with cancer. I spend the day doing HBOT (Oxygen) and IVs in Middle Park. I walked along the Esplanade overlooking Port Phillip Bay and pretended that I was on holidays in some exotic place.

On the morning of February 18th, 2016 Georgie and I woke in the southern highlands town of Bowral where we had spent the night in a guest house on the way to Sydney for a week of hard work at a Gift Fair, by that evening we were in our little apartment in Darlinghurst and setting up the stand at the Exhibition Centre.

How times flies. Looking back at a snapshot of February 18s has made me aware that my life has been full of adventure and experience. There is nothing to be bored or disillusioned about. My life has been full of adventure and unexpected experiences. There were certainly moments of stress but then again, these moments made the fun ones seem even more exciting and worthwhile.

I think that what I have been looking for in my life is to experience the unexpected. There is no better feeling than arriving in a new location, in a new town, in a country that I haven’t visited before and getting up early to walk through the streets and feast my senses on whatever is there to experience. I just flashed through moments like this in Prague, Bali, Agra, Jogjakarta, Paris, San Francisco, Curacao, Miami, Los Angeles, Bern, Sydney, Bangkok … there are others but those are enough memories to know that I’ve had different cultures, people and locations in my life.

Life is such a wondrous experience and I hark back to the words of the incredible String band song, “This moment is different than any before it. This moment is different, it’s now.”

Thursday February 17, 2022

Less sleep overall but my deep sleep and HRV are up, up, up. 1 hour and 46 minutes and 51 HRV. I had 2 big walks yesterday. One with Georgie and one with Finn.

There are a few changes happening in the Victorian Government’s approach to Covid. masks may disappear and the vaccine mandate may not exceed 2 shots. I will never trust this particular state labor government again. Most of the population has just accepted the rules and mandates after having a message and threats thrown at them for more than 2 years. I have been studying totalitarianism over the past few days and while I concede that we haven’t gone as far (in any way) as the psychotic despots of the 20th century the signs of government authority point much more in that direction. Even I have had to give in so we can go to bali in April.

Today I will begin our protocol for receiving the vaccination. OMAD, Ivermectin, increased doses of D and NAC, more water, saunas, exercise, good sleep. We really have to be on top of our game when we get the Novavax shot on Sunday and this protocol will have to continue into the coming weeks.

I have been writing les in my Defrag Blues section in recent times due to the fact that I am also preparing articles for the Bali blog and websites.

Wednesday February 16, 2022

I am feeling agitated, anxious, nervous, a bit shitty, not as healthy as I should be feeling. What’s happening? My deep sleep dropped last night as did my HRV, this isn’t surprising. I’m not going to dig around in the neurological zone too much but will modify my diet a bit. I’ve gone up to 82 kgs which shows that I am putting on a bit of weight. I’ve got a bit of work to do.

Tuesday February 15, 2022

When I woke up this morning I felt weary. I’ve been going to bed closer to midnight which is resulting in less sleep but overall the quality has remained good. We’ve had a few setbacks this week financially including a flea plague at Red Hill which has lost us 2 weekends of bookings and some shenanigans in Bali with our lawyer. Georgie is handling most of these so my involvement has been peripheral. It’s amazing how a few setbacks can weigh you down. It’s only mental mass but when you start creating it the physiological sensation feels real. On top of this it’s been bloody hot which is not unusual for February in Melbourne.

We finally got a booking for our Novavax vaccinations yesterday. Next Sunday morning! I’m nervous and we will need to start preparing ourselves today with exercise, diet, saunas and whatever else I can think of. One thing that I have stopped doing that I really must start up again is cold showers in the morning. We will also start taking ivermectin daily for 5 days to a week possibly from Thursday and eating less calories, maybe OMAD. I really have to lift my game so when they shoot the Novavax into me my body does all the right things.

I bought a box of baby spinach yesterday. The plan is to start green smoothies for the family. This might be a good lunch.

Writing this morning is a bit like walking up a hill with a hangover. Slow, uninspired and painful so I’m going to stop.

Monday February 14, 2022

MDM – Misinformation, Disinformation, Malinformation

Like a bolt of lightning out of nowhere new words and concepts are raining down upon us to modify our behaviour and por willingness and freedom to share information with one another.

New ideas, new science, new discoveries have been amongst the most amazing experiences that have aligned with the forward motion of mankind’s evolution as a species. How many forward thinking philosophers, scientists, medical researchers, musicians, writers have been maligned as heretics over the past several hundred years when they have somehow come across new ideas and concepts which contradict existing beliefs? I would predict that there have been many. Some we know about, some who have never had a light shone on them. There will always be a resistance to new ideas and concepts as it appears that most people are relatively conservative, want to play it safe and don’t like their stable datums and security to be challenged.

Until Donald Trump grabbed Hilary Clinton’s comment about fake news when she refused to take a question from a CNN reporter during a press conference I had never heard of fake news. Interestingly enough the link to the Washington Post article about “Fake News” originating from Hilary Clinton goes nowhere, it’s been taken down. Until recently I had always associated Donald Trumps parroting about fake news with the idiosyncrasies of a man who appeared to become President of the USA by default. He seemed to call everything fake news.

You don’t hear this catch cry too much today but the word misinformation has seemingly taken its place. So now I’ve discovered that this has been broken down even further and carefully defined to suit the social and political climate of 2022.

MDM – Misinformation, Disinformation and Malformation.

No shit. These are all “things” and have very specific definitions.

Misinformation – Misinformation is information that is false, but the person who is disseminating it believes that it is true.

Disinformation – Disinformation is information that is false, and the person who is disseminating it knows it is false. “It is a deliberate, intentional lie, and points to people being actively disinformed by malicious actors”.

Malinformation – Mal-information is information that is based on reality but it is used to inflict harm on a person, organisation or country.

English is a living language so new words will enter into it as they are needed and if you look at these definitions closely they all have a place if used honestly and ethically. But in this day and age I question that this is the case.

Going back to earlier periods of my life I have always been curious about certain events that looked a bit weird but at the same time had powerful narratives attached to them by mainstream media and political connections. For me it started with the genesis of the American War against Vietnam. It seemed wrong to me and the more I dug, the more it looked like a false narrative had been created by the powers that be in the USA. I decided that the war was contrived, corrupt and unnecessary, I opposed it on humanitarian grounds. 

Back then I had the moral support of hundreds of thousands of other like minded people who also opposed this corrupt war. We weren’t called conspiracy theorists back then but there were some nasty names like “draft dodger” “communist” associated with the movement against the war. Unfortunately most people initially fell for the mainstream narrative. The truth didn’t come out until many years later.

Other events that I have scratched my head about include the assassination of JFK, 9/11, The invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq to name but a few incidents that have happened during my lifetime. There were cracks in the narratives, something appeared to be hidden behind what the mainstream media were reporting.

I suppose that I became sceptical of governments and big media corporations. I also had a feeling that somebody was covering up the truth behind these incidents. I assumed that somebody was creating conspiracies.

The definition of the word conspiracy is simply “A secret plan by a group to do something unlawful or harmful”. I felt that I didn’t want to be duped so I dug as much as I could, although this didn’t consume a great deal of my time. I just didn’t want to fall for bald faced lies.

As the years went by something happened. being a conspiracy theorist had once seemed to imply that you were interested in getting to the bottom of anything that seemed fishy. All of a sudden the connotations changed to implying that you were some sort of nutter who believed in fairy tales. Which is where we have landed now in 2022. To be called a conspiracy theorist is to be heaped with a label that you are part of a crazy minority that would believe any false information presented to you. In other words the definition of the label actually changed.

I asked myself the question “isn’t this a perfect way to control people, to stop them looking, to stop them sharing their viewpoints with others, to take away their curiosity and to force them to toe the line?” It now appears to me that over the past 2 decades that somebody behind the scenes has been manipulating information to heap together people who are genuinely interested in the truth with people who are unfortunately susceptible to fantastic falsehoods that would make any sane person doubt the validity of this mad stuff that was being thrown around.

What a perfect way to silence truth seekers by lumping them together with the concept of nutters who believe that the Queen is a lizard person who drinks the blood of children. I’ve got to give it to whoever thought this up. It is a brilliant strategy. To be called a conspiracy theorist in 2022 is akin to being called a communist in 1950s U.S.A.

Over the past 2 years I have watched with a great deal of dismay as our society has become more and more polarized. Our freedom to share viewpoints, to debate, to look at different possibilities, to question the mainstream has been alloyed more and more to the point where the only acceptable option is to simply agree with the governments, the big tech companies, the big pharmaceutical companies. There is so much money at stake and the aforementioned groups seem to have the lion’s share which makes them even more powerful.

We are now in a golden age of information. I was born in 1952 when only ridiculously wealthy families had books and encyclopaedias in their homes. Our only access to information when I grew up was from our teachers at school, from libraries, newspapers and magazines, radio and television. The media were always slightly tainted by their need to make money which they did through advertising and they sure as hell weren’t going to kill the golden goose.

My first introduction to alternative information was through university newspapers like Farrago and Lot’s Wife and a bit later through the pages of the American version of Rolling Stone where I discovered Hunter S Thompson’s riveting Fear and Loathing on the campaign Trail, which covered the 1972 US Presidential election race which featured Richard Nixon and George McGovern. As the years went by more and more alternative information came to life but the mainstream media still packed a punch.

Now here we are in 2022. Drowning in information. Some true, some false, some warped, some malicious, some inspirational. The information menu is immense. It appears to me that this is freaking out the mainstream media, the big tech guys and quite a lot of powerful politicians and the new billionaire elite.

So finally I get to my point. From where I stand the current pandemic offers the perfect opportunity for a powerful minority to shape the thinking of the people’s of earth to they own vision of what life should be like. In this vision there is no room for individual thinkers who question, who have different viewpoints, who have a desire to pursue the truth.

What better way to silence these dissenters than by labelling them with these new terms : misinformation, disinformation and malformation. One simple word from the above trio can destroy a person’s credibility and get them cancelled in a day.

The world of podcasts is a perfect example. I was diagnosed with cancer in late 2022. I am now cancer free. I did most of my research online. It took a lot of looking, a lot of sifting and a lot of logic but I eventually found a group of doctors, researchers and protocols that helped me beat my cancer and come out the other end far healthier than I have been in decades. If looked at superficially mainstream oncologists might say that I did the wrong thing, maybe they would say this without truly looking at the information I looked at. They could even go as far as calling it misinformation, disinformation and malformation. How could they say this without even looking for themselves, without attempting to apply any of this data. I have anecdotal evidence that what I did worked. I beat my cancer and have no side effects. The same goes for the current controversy about the Joe Rogan Experience podcast. I have listened to quite a few of his discussions. Most of them go for up to 3 hours. I find them fascinating, informative and generally highly intelligent. Are they all based on 100% fact checkable truths? Maybe not. But most of the people listening will know when somebody is talking shit. I have a haunting suspicion that the majority of the people who are attacking Joe Rogan have never listened to one complete podcast.

If the stats are accurate, Joe Rogan has an audience of 11,000, 000 for each podcast while a big network like CNN has a daily audience of around 500,000. Rogan appears to have one staff member while CNN potentially have thousands. No wonder they are pissed off. He is a huge threat to big media as are other podcasters like Lex Fridman, Andrew Huberman, The Dark Horse, Dr Eric Berg, Dr Berry, Dr Boz, Tim Ferris … the list goes on. All intelligent and inquisitive individuals who are genuinely curious or who offer lifestyle alternatives to forward advice to help individuals live a longer, healthier life. They have millions of listeners and based on comments are influencing and/or helping many people access more concise information about the world, science, health and much more.

I for one want to live in a world where information is shared, discussed, debated, disagreed with, questioned, applied, tested or simply used as entertainment or in some cases just to keep somebody company throughout their lonely days.

Sunday February 13, 2022

I started putting together our AirBnB profile/listing for Villa Tusk yesterday. It’s going to be a big job and possibly a difficult one mainly because it has to be perfect in communicating what Villa Tusk is all about. I’m going to attempt to write my blurb this morning.

Villa Tusk

Find the exotic forgotten Bali at Villa Tusk where you will experience the best of Balinese village life, a large eclectic 3 bedroom/bathroom space to call home plus  being only  a hop, skip and a jump from some of Bali’s most famous vegan restaurants. Villa Tusk is tucked away down a small laneway, next to the rice paddies in the famous “young artist” village of Penestanan, right next to Ubud in Bali’s tropical central highlands. It is our home in Bali, a home we have created for ourselves and our family to be our sanctuary from our day to day lives in Melbourne, Australia. We want to share our home with you as a way for you to experience a more intimate relationship with Bali. Step straight from the lounge room into our pool surrounded by exotic plants and foliage. Write your memoirs on one of our 3 outdoor bales (outdoor spaces), visit the local farmers markets and cook your own meals in our well appointed kitchen. We are close to Ubud’s Monkey Forest, the beautiful Tjamphuan Ridge walk, the bustling creative hub of Ubud with it’s palaces, art galleries and world class restaurants, a short drive or walk to the stunning Ayung River valley … the list of possible adventures is far too long to to go into here.

General TODAY

We just went for a walk in the Dandenong Ranges down near Silvan Dam. That us one of my favourite locations to walk.

Had an interesting experience yesterday to do with my sleep and HRV overnight. I looked at my Oura ring metrics this morning after falling off the tracks late yesterday and eating several greasy potato cakes. It’s a once in a blue moon experience for me. What happened was interesting though. My resting heart rate was the highest it has been for months, my deep sleep went down to 5 minutes and my HRV crashed by more than 50%. If that’s not an indicator that what you eat has a profound effect on you then nothing does. I feel pretty good today considering my transgression last night.

To Kaye Re Red Hill

Hi Kaye

Georgie has sent pictures to Pete and a very polite short note. He got back to her and they had a long chat on the phone about the overall situation which was great but didn’t reach a resolution about the cat.

Foe what it’s worth I would like to propose a few viewpoints.

  1. As far as the AirBnB part of the house goes you are the CEO and as such part of your job is to help create, apply and enforce policy.
  2. The only reason any policy (rules) exists is to give a guide to the group members who are actually involved in a project. The policy is only good as long as it forwards the purpose of the group and project.
  3. When the members of a group are applying different policies there will pretty much always be conflicts and disputes so it’s important that some sort of agreement should be reached between the group members. For example a smoothly running family will have parents who create policies and children who follow the policy. The other scenario is anarchy and arguments.

You’re probably wondering what I am going on about. So here’s my viewpoint, for what it’s worth. 

As a parent it is easy to make the mistake of giving more support to the child who is sick or struggling. I made this mistake with Paul and Allissa. Paul was sick and I put a huge amount of attention on him and his well being. Allissa was the one who was healthy and well and not contributing to any stress but she received less attention because I just assumed that she was OK. This had an adverse effect on her in that she didn’t feel as loved as she would have liked. I had no idea until recent times when we have talked about her early years.

In the case of Georgie it is obvious that you love her to bits and she also loves you and shows this in her support of you, your health and generally anything she can do to help improve the quality of your life. There is no doubt that you are supportive of her and have been amazing in what you have done over the years to make life easier.

It may sometimes appear that she doesn’t need the same level of support and “back up” that Pete needs because she appears to be doing so well. But there are times when even though it may not be obvious she really does need you to back her up in certain family situations.

There is a potential that the current situation re animals at Red Hill might become an issue. Pete has not agreed to not take the cat down and has told Georgie that he will think about it. There was a situation back when Georgie wanted to buy Pete’s share of Burnley when he wouldn’t answer any of her messages or talk to her. Georgie’s solution, after weeks of no response was to offer him a much larger amount of money for the property than the market agreed upon at that time. This got the ball rolling again and he got in touch with her but the price she paid to get his response wasn’t necessarily one she would have chosen. She wanted to keep the peace and to make sure that Peter was happy.

I suppose what I am saying here is that I believe that there should be a policy about animals at Red Hill and that as an AirBnB it is overall best that we don’t have animals. Georgie has put hours and hours of hard work and still does into the ongoing maintenance, upkeep and administration of Red Hill and is a large reason why it has been a success. Based on today’s discussion Pete does not see any need to improve Red Hill and he is totally entitled to this viewpoint but it is obvious that their viewpoints on the direction that the property should be taken in are quite different.

You are the “referee” in this situation and need to adopt a strong viewpoint one way or the other. Taking into account what I have said earlier. This is the only way that “harmony” will prevail. I firmly believe that Georgie needs your support in this situation and that you should be very clear in what your decision is.

Otherwise there is no policy and as such, no agreement.

I know it’s not a great situation to put you in but unfortunately you are the matriarch and overall leader of the family and your decision is needed one way to the other.

Last words. In a business a CEO is wise to support the staff who are forwarding the purpose of the business. If they do this the business will prosper. If they give into the demands of the staff who aren’t “pulling their weight” the end result will possibly be a contraction of the business.

Saturday February 12, 2022

It’s been a week since I turned 70. Not a lot has happened in that 7 days except realising that we are going to have to pull some magic out of nowhere in order to finance the rest of out lives.

I certainly shouldn’t squander any time or appreciation of my life, it’s far too valuable.

Our House In Bali

Georgie, Finn and I visited Bali at the end of 2018 partially as a reward for Finn’s completion of Year 12 but mainly because it had been almost 10 years since we had last visited this magical island. I had been visiting Bali since 1983 and Georgie and I spent very special times there in the mid to late 1990s.

Toward the end of our stay an old dream of having our own house in Bali was re-kindled. After a few false starts we took a lease on a small villa in Penestanan which we transformed into a beautiful little getaway in a very short amount of time. We are good at that. We also found a girl named Purnami who we gingerly asked to work for us.

Several trips later in August 2019 and a few more false starts culminated in us agreeing to buy a 20 year lease on a villa in Penestanan (near Ubud) that was named Joglo Puhti. This means “white house”, it was actually sky blue. The person we bought the lease off happened to be a girl who I had first met on New Year’s Eve 1974 named Elizabeth. We sat on her front porch in the hot afternoons scratching our heads whether we should go ahead but knowing that we felt very “at home and familiar” with the joglo and it’s location in Penestanan, a village that we were very familiar with and had spent time in over the previous four decades.

We signed the lease for Joglo Putih in November 2019, set up Villa Kecil just around the corner, hired Purnami and listed it on AirBnB. It was a huge success and our booking calendar filled up fast. We also renamed our new villa as Villa Tusk. By the time we had arrived back in Australia renovations were about to begin .. a swimming pool, 2 new bedrooms, walls ripped out, a new kitchen and much, much more. We booked several trips to Bali over 2020 so Georgie could keep an eye on the progress as she was the architect running the renovation. We popped back to Bali in January 2020. By the time we had returned Covid 19 had raised it’s ugly head. Needless to say it was a huge challenge for Georgie to run the renovation but she did with the help of WhatsApp and Purnami. 

Now it is 2 years later and most of the work is finished. We will return to Bali in April to style Villa Tusk and add whatever magic we need to with artworks, artefacts and other bits and pieces.

The next step is to get it ready for listing on AirBnB so we can get some of our investment back and more importantly to enjoy being there ourselves.

Friday February 11, 2022

We just finished watching a fabulous Danish TV series called Kamikaze. It has been one of the best shows that we’ve watched in recent times. 

Apart from that life has been quite mild. Cleaning up the house, getting rubbish ready to put out on the nature strip for the council to pick up.

The big challenge that we face is to create an income without having to work ridiculously hard or commit ourselves to financial commitments. Bali is underway, Red Hill brings in a bit of money but that’s about it. Time to put on our thinking caps. We have a lot of years left to live. Maybe we need to look at cutting back on some of our costs.

I’ll spend at least an hour doing some head banging today.

Now as a totally counter intuitive thought I’m suggesting that we book tickets for Japan.

Deep sleep was down last night. Maybe wearing my sleep apnea machine has some sort of negative effect. I’ll have to keep a close eye on this. I wore it last night and got 28 minutes deep sleep compared to 2 hours the night before when I didn’t wear it. Still doing the salt.

Thursday February 10, 2022

Both my deep sleep and HRV have increased in recent days. Some things that I have changed are our mattress and increasing my salt intake. Could these be factors increasing the overall efficiency of my sleep? I’ll continue to take the 5 grams of sodium each day for the time being and closely monitor the results.

Kaye has developed diverticulitis. I’ve got to work out some ways of giving her a hand to eat appropriate foods over the next few weeks to help to reduce the inflammation as well as restore her microbiome after she has nuked it with the antibiotics that she is taking to handle the inflammation. We had a long talk last night about several different strategies.

Yesterday we went for a 60 minute walk, I got more work done on cleaning up the house but we will have to really pour the coals on getting the junk out onto the nature strip by the end of this weekend.

I booked some extra flights to Bali in August with our Jetstar credits. Next step is to take a look at Japan.

I’ve been looking back on the protocol that I applied to my brush with cancer last year. I am going to attempt to  list out all of the activities that helped me achieve a positive result.

  • Find an integrative doctor who specialises in “natural” cancer treatment. The treatments suggested by my doctor included IV, re-purposed drugs, Immunotherapy. It was quite complex and pretty expensive but it worked.
  • Daily journalling. I made a point of writing down my thoughts on rising every morning throughout the treatment. I still do this and find it incredibly therapeutic and helpful.
  • Study. I admit that I knew pretty much “zero” about cancer when I was diagnosed but I set out to learn as much as I possibly could and kept digging until I had a good enough understanding to know what I should be doing to combat the illness.
  • Take responsibility for my own body and source help/treatments that I felt comfortable applying to myself.
  • Strict and healthy ketogenic diet with very low carbs.
  • Recorder all food and drink in an app called Chronometer to get an accurate idea of the balance of fat, carbs and protein.
  • Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy – my initial goal was to have 60 hours of HBOT as quickly as possible. I did this and continued. I did at least 120 hours during my treatment period.
  • Intermittent fasting. I didn’t eat anything after 8 pm each night until at least 1 pm the next day. So I had a 6-7 hour eating window and fasted for the rest boo the time. No snacks. The only thing I had was black coffee.
  • MCT oil. This is an exogenous ketone which helped keep my GKI (Glucose Ketone Index) at approx 2:1 and sometimes closer to 1:1
  • Circulating Tumour Cells test. This is a very thorough test that involves sending blood to a laboratory to get tested for different metrics associated with one’s cancer. It is very expensive but it gives a guideline based on later tests in regard to how you are going. Metastasis is the biggest killer when it comes to cancer.
  • IV Therapy. I did extensive IV therapy under the guidance of my integrative doctor. The main IVs were Vitamin C, Curcumin, DCA. I did 2 lots of IVs over approximately 6 months.
  • Exercise. I walked almost every day. Sometimes 2 hours, sometimes 1 hour. 
  • Infra Red Sauna. Luckily I already had an infrared sauna in my home. I did 4-5 saunas each week. About 90 minutes for each session. After the sauna I jumped into our pool even in the depths of winter.
  • Cold showers. I had a cold shower every morning. Not too long and always after a hot shower as I’m a bit of a woose.
  • Good sleep. I did everything in my power to get 8 hours good quality sleep each night. I was pretty successful in achieving my target. I kept track of my sleep with an Oura ring.
  • Radiation Therapy – my integrative doctor put me in contact with a radiologist who advocated lower doses of very precise radiation aimed directly at my cancer. I had 2 greys each day for 33 days. I had virtually no side effects from the radiation due to all of the other treatments I was doing.
  • Mindset – I never allowed myself to feel sorry for myself or get depressed. I maintained a level of optimism based on the simple fact that I was doing everything in my power to combat the cancer.

Wednesday February 9, 2022

3 years ago, almost to the day I gave up drinking alcohol and started on a journey to heal and repair my body. Along the way I discovered that I had cancer. I attacked this aberrant disease as an attacking marauder and was able to defeat it without too much bloodshed.

It’s easy to look back at how you were with dismay and a certain amount of contempt for yourself if you have been successful in turning the corner and arriving at a new and better place. If you have arrived at this “better place” you also have the luxury of objectivity and the sense that you have climbed the mountain ranges, crossed the flooded rivers and been battered by the sun and that anything ahead of you looks easy.

When I began my transformation back in February 2019 I weighed about 108 kgs, I was pre-diabetic, had high blood pressure, a fatty liver and the thought of going for even a 30 minute walk was almost offensive. I ate whenever I wanted to, sometimes even omitting to eat because I was far too stressed and busy. On days like this I would arrive at 3 pm and feel like my blood and vital organs had been sucked out of me and replaced by stagnant mud. Even when I ate breakfast, lunch and dinner supplemented with snacks I still felt like this. I slept in as late as I possibly could but never felt like I awoke refreshed.

Under all of this “disrepair” I was still essentially me. I may have been a bit depressed at times and I certainly looked forward to making myself numb each night with a formidable quantity of vodka but I was still able to interact with people and glean just enough pleasure out of life to justify going on.

Oh my god, it sounds horrible and yes it was but I had it all justified and if anyone prodded me about my health I got defensive and always had some bullshit excuse that I was stressed and had so much to get done.

The food I ate was mainly “healthy” and good quality but what was lacking was any workable and applicable knowledge of how may body worked, what pre-diabetes actually was, what a fatty liver was a manifestation of, why my blood pressure was always high and I needed to take tablets to get it lower.

When I look back I see a drowning man, panicking and flailing his arms to stay afloat but for some ungodly reason one who was deep down far too ashamed to ask for help. Not that I even knew who I could ask.

I had been seeing a chiropractor, an acupuncturist, a Chinese herbal doctor but underlying all of this I had no chance because I lacked any substantial knowledge about my body.

Fast forward 3 years and that is all in the past. I weigh 80 kgs, my blood pressure is perfect most of the time, my liver is working as it should, I feel pretty fit for a man who is 70 and I wake up feeling refreshed. I can even look in a mirror and feel OK about myself.

What did I do?

I’m not going to write the whole story in this post. needless to say it could fill a book. What I do want to talk about briefly is the food/eating protocol that I adopted and the knowledge that I learned along the way.

The key factors to my transformation are a) adopting a healthy ketogenic diet and understanding why I was doing it b) having an understanding of what metabolic syndrome is and maybe even more importantly, what insulin resistance is. Sounds simple! To be honest, yes it is but at the same time it took a huge amount of discipline, hard work, persistence, study, exercise, changing my cooking style and my eating habits and schedule. It meant changing the way I lived my life completely and being 100% committed to sticking to the regimen that I chose to follow.

If you want to improve the quality of your life I strongly recommend that you watch the following podcasts/YouTube clips that go over some of the basics that I talked about above.

The best advice I can give you is that you have to take full responsibility for your own health no matter what, you can’t blame anything or anyone else for the condition you are in and secondly that you continue to improve your knowledge of how your body works, what it needs and how you can apply this data to your own life.

It’s hard at the start, it gets easier, you must continue and not compromise but it is worth all of the effort and hard work that is ahead of you.

Tuesday February 8, 2022

It doesn’t look like I have Omicron. What started out as body aches and a few sniffles has gone and I seem to be OK. I think that what I need to do is to take 5 grams of salt each day.

I’ve Left The Left

For as long as I can remember I have associated with the left wing of society. My Dad worked in the foundry industry when I was very young and I’m certain that he voted for the Labor Party. Then came the 60s and the right wing seemed to be associated with mediocrity and conservatism. They also seemed to blindly support war and railed against alternative thinking and hippies. Through a sort of default I was entrenched in “The Left”. This became tribal. The idea of voting for or even considering any of the viewpoints of the conservatives would have been a transgression against my philosophical beliefs.

Back then there really was a difference. The social structure did need to change and people really did need to start thinking for themselves. It wasn’t easy to find information back then. It was either books or magazines like Rolling Stone and the more left leaning newspapers, maybe a sprinkle of what was on the ABC. Even though I can now see the error of my ways I was well and truly entrenched in anti establishment viewpoints and questioned almost everything that they stood for. I’m glad that I was inclined toward new ideas, protest and to a degree dissent.

I wonder what went through the minds of the well heeled establishment when they saw hippies roaming the streets, protesting against the Vietnam War and advocating for legalisation of drugs like marijuana and LSD.

What I didn’t appreciate back then was that I became tribal. The idea of considering any right wing viewpoint was abhorrent so there was no way that I would even consider doing so. There was an unquestionable solid wall between me and the so called establishment.

Thi sentiment has stayed with me throughout my life. I’m almost embarrassed to admit that until recently I  just assumed that certain politicians were good guys. Especially if they were young and seemed to say the acceptable left wing slogans that I had embraced earlier in my life. In the USA the Democrats were the good guys, in Australia it was Labor and The Greens. I was a prisoner of habit. To a degree I stopped thinking and analysing and as the years crept by I didn’t notice the shift that the so called liberal thinking left was making. I knew that I disagreed with political correctness. On the other hand I’m not a great believer in spouting out ideas that I can’t back up, so I was very careful who I shared my conspiracy theories with. After all what is the point of two relatively ignorant people or groups arguing about subjects which they don’t have clear and checkable facts on. I realized that if you wanted to hold a passionate viewpoint you had to dig, dig and dig some more to get to the bottom of the mystery.

Having said that I do believe that there are covert patterns and strategies that the powerful guys use to convince others and get their way. They can seem so powerful most of the time and you and your viewpoints can feel pretty inconsequential.

The “machine” always seemed to be controlled by the conservatives or what I labelled “the right”. What I didn’t notice was that the so called left was being quietly captured by some hidden power. The dynamic was changing. The right went extreme but so did the left. They both had their own media and information hubs pushing out propaganda that served their purposes.

I still consider myself to be a relatively liberal minded person but I have no allegiances to any sides anymore. Some might even consider me to have right leaning viewpoints in the current social climate. Things change. You can’t remain stuck in old viewpoints and moral codes that are no longer applicable. I’m not going to pretend that it is easy to remain independent in this age of information. You create your own algorithm. The trick is not to allow it to become a web that you get entangled in. Objectivity is the only answer. We all have to look deeply and intelligently behind today’s newspaper or podcast stories. Look at where the money is coming from and who is making it. Look at the potential intentions of power groups. Yes, it is getting harder and harder to discover the truth even though we have access to more information than we have ever had at our fingertips.

That is why I “left the left”.

I declare myself independent and promise that I will do my best to remain objective and make my decisions based on my own personal take on ethics and what I perceive to be the greatest good for myself, my family, my friends and associates, my society, mankind, all living things, the planet we live on and the future of all of the above.

Monday February 7, 2022

This is the time of year when time runs away like a freight train. March is coming up which for me eludes to mixed emotions of joy and loss but this year I might focus on the joy apart from acknowledging that it is 10 years since Paul passed.

I’ve got to look at whether I need to assume a role of “helper” to one of my sisters. She may not feel that she needs help so the first thing I need to establish is whether this is the case. I’ll need to approach this one with great caution, care and strategy.

I am still able to be inspired. The latest example of this is a new idea I had after seeing a picture in a book that Melanie gave me as a birthday gift. A bus AirBnB experience at Red Hill. By this I mean an old character filled bus with a deck around it all decked out with a great bed and a small kitchen and sitting area, possibly an outdoor bath and a sauna, a basic shower and some utilities, a fire pit, TV and some music. Could this be madness or could it be an extension of our already functioning AirBnB project that might be our way of making an income to keep us going into the future. 

I’m pushing/forcing the words out this morning. Nothing is really flowing out of me. I can’t get too passionate about Covid to our governments reaction to it. I do need to ask questions of all of the federal and state government political parties about their policies as regard free speech, mandates, lockdowns etc before the election cycles for the year really begin in earnest and on a more immediate basis I need to get as much rubbish onto our nature strip as possible before then council picks it up on the 14th. Plus we need to plan a couple of day trips in the coming weeks. Last but not least due to our need to travel we have to find out some more details about Novavax.

Do I have Omicron?

I woke this morning feeling pretty good after a good quality sleep. Had my bulletproof coffee and wrote my journal, did some gardening and left at 10 am to drive to South Yarra for HBOT. Still felt great. I arrived home at around 2 pm and had every intention of going for a walk but felt a wee bit weary and decided to have a bath. Prior to the bath I experienced an unusual hot flush. While I was in the bath I was watching a podcast and noticed that my left arm was aching which I thought must have happened due to my activities yesterday lifting of heavy mattresses and furniture. The ache would not go away no matter how I placed my arm. I got out of the bath and felt very weary and noticed that both arms were aching. I also had tinitus which was more pronounced than usual. I then noticed that my lower legs were also aching so I had a lie down on the bed. Still feeling un usually tired and achy. My head feels a bit “cotton wooly” and my face has a tingling sensation. I ate some of Georgie’s keto Cake and cream which was delicious but not such a good idea. My nose isn’t running but it’s a bit moist. I took an ivermectin 18mg at around 6.30 pm. Tingling hands, tingling feet, lower limbs and lips. Heightened senses. Also a slight acidic taste in the mouth. it feels a bit puckered inside, this may be due to drinking a hot cup of tea. I feel a bit hot.

Temperature 36.7 BP 139/71 Pulse 66   Blood Glucose 5

At around 7.15 pm I sneezed once and had a runny nose. Took 10,000 IU D, C and other supps inc. zinc, NAC.

Sunday February 6, 2022

I’ve walked through the celestial door to my 70th year in alignment with the sun and the planets which must certainly have something to do with something … 25, 568 days on earth. According to my plan I’m not even 3/4 through yet so I still have a lot of living to do.

 Thank You’s

Melanie

Thank you Mel for all the create you put into helping my birthday be a huge joy for me and our friends. It was wonderful having you and Trinidad here yesterday and your beautiful plate of Japanese food was hugely appreciated. My Christmas and birthday gifts, especially the glass containers were both practical and inspiring plus they are saving me a fortune in wasted food because now I have somewhere to store it. On top of this I’m inspired to re-arrange all of my drawers and get rid of the plastic containers and other crap that are currently in them.

Flora

Thank you Flora for helping to make my birthday so special. You and John are very significant to me over the past 5 decades. I loved your gift, i loved you speech and more than anything I loved that we could all be together on my 70th birthday.

Saturday February 5, 2022

It’s my birthday. I’m 70 years old. Holy shit. It’s a bit like arriving in Goulbourn on a trip up the Hume to Sydney from Melbourne or arriving at the last Saturday of a 3 week holiday. Point is that overall I feel great.

We’ve still got a bit of work to do to get the party ready and the house clean and tidy but overall I’m happy with what we have got done so far.

I got my first gift yesterday. It is a most beautiful antique Japanese cabinet. I truly love it. Not only is it beautiful, it is a gift that I will treasure until the day that I die. On top of all of that I started roaming around the house finding special bits and pieces that mean something to me and putting them in their new home.

I am at a good place

Friday February 4, 2022

This is the last day of my 60s decade. Tomorrow I turn 70. All that means really is that I’ve experienced 70 years and 9 months in or around this body which I have looked after and abused simultaneously over the past 25,000 years or so. Luckily I am now in a cycle of looking after it and it’s not doing too bad apart from a few aches and pains and a bit of neurological damage. Thank god these things have an ability to repair themselves to a degree.

We are doing pretty well with our preparations for tomorrow. I’ve got a big day of cooking to get done today and still a bit of outdoor preparation but overall things are good. There shouldn’t be too much stress tomorrow plus the sun is coming out so it looks like the weather will deliver.

The one thing that I have noticed is that life without too much stress is certainly something to work toward. Is suppose that growing older means diminished responsibility but really all you need to live a happy life is just enough money to meet your needs. I never really planned for that so we’ll just have to wait and see how that pans out. So far, so good.

I’ve got as far as the 2000s in my short prices of my life. It’s hard to believe how much got stirred up while writing but I’m pretty certain that whatever came up needed to be looked at. There are certain times that I will need to go back to because I admit, I only opened the “door” a little bit and peaked in, not really good enough if I want to defragment a bit more of my baggage.

What have I learned so far? That’s possibly too big a question to answer while drinking coffee at 8.30am on a Friday morning but really what I believe is the trick is to exist in present time. To be able to cast your awareness outside yourself and be constantly aware of the beauty and magic of life, to acknowledge but to also essentially disregard its petty foibles and the traps that one can create for oneself. I say this because if you are able to exist in present time you are creating each moment and destroying it almost at the same time. In that way maybe you are in a constant state of create due to the fact that destruction is a form of creation. 

I’m getting myself into a bit of a knot trying to explain the alluring simplicity of life. Needless to say, each cycle is finite. I haven’t been able to unlock the secrets of the universe but I have got a bit closer.

Thursday February 3, 2022

I proved a point last night. I became obsessed with the idea of eating some potato cakes, well I didn’t do it but I did eat 4 slices of sour dough slathered in butter with tomatoes sitting on top. The end result was 7 minutes deep sleep, my worst and lowest amount for ages.

Yesterday I walked twice, once with Georgie and once with Finn as well as this I cleaned ups the pool deck, mopped it and generally made it look like a deck again. I put the TV down there as well and generally cleaned up around the pool getting ready for my birthday lunch on Saturday. I feel like I really did accomplish something and proved to myself that cleaning and maintenance do make a huge difference.

I was so tired after my big day of walking and work that I had a bath and went to bed by 9.30pm.

Interesting Data

As you know Neil Young recently attacked Spotify and Joe Rogan for spreading misinformation. I’m sure if you  looked hard you would find that CNN spreads more misinformation in one night than Rogan spreads in a month and he’s also honest when this is brought his attention. Turns out that recently Neil Young sold 50% off his music catalogue to a music company, Hipgnosis, which happens to be owned by Blackstone. “Blackstone is taking an ownership stake in the group behind the popular Hipgnosis Songs Fund (SONG) and will be making a $1bn initial commitment to a new unlisted fund.” To make matters worse one of the chief advisors at Blackstone used to be the CEO of Phizer.,“Blackstone Announces Appointment of Jeffrey B. Kindler, Former Chairman and CEO of Pfizer, as Senior Advisor.”

Now Neil Young is promoting that his followers sign up on Amazon and Apple both big corporations just like the ones that he has railed at for many years. Duh.

Maybe he hasn’t done the research but it looks like he has made a bit of a fool of himself in regards too his integrity and his motivations for attacking Rogan. It is a well known fact that Young has never been happy with the sound quality at Spotify.

2000s

2000 started with a business trip to Bangkok with Melanie and Trinidad. This was my third time since I first discovered it in ’98. I was on the way to embarking upon a decade of change, travel, pain and discovery. Lots happened, some good, some bad. In March my son Finn was born. I was 48 years old. I had moved out of French St and moved in with Georgie to a house in Hawthorn. Paul lived with us because by now Melanie had renovated and sold French St. Allissa was living in Europe. When Finn was 1 year old we moved to a house in Kew near the river. My criteria was that Paul could have his own space and we found a house with a small apartment underneath. This was the year that he was turning 21. In September we set of to celebrate with Allissa in Paris. This was Paul’s first time in Bangkok. We stopped for a night or 2 on the way. His love affair was instant. Our first stop was Spain where we met Allissa. Paul continued on to Amsterdam while Allissa and I went to Morocco before meeting up in Paris to celebrate his birthday. By the time that we got back Georgie had decided that Paul shouldn’t live with us. This may have been the beginning of the end. But as I said he did move in to Kew. In 2001 the world went crazy. Allissa moved to Bangkok for a few months and I met her there. Paul also decided to go to Bangkok with a friend and ended up staying there for 2 years. Georgie Finn and I moved above our new business Tusk Gallery in Rathdowne St, North Carlton while we renovated our new warehouse in Clifton Hill. In 2003 Paul had a bad hypo and I went to Bangkok to convince him to come home. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. He did come back and moved in to the warehouse with us which was a disaster. This was around the time that my life became a nightmare and gets almost too hard to even write about. We sold the warehouse after Paul and I went on a road trip to Tasmania and Georgie and Finn moved to Sydney. We almost lost each other. I feel like I am running through a dark forest with dark looming shadows encroaching on me so I’ll try to get this our quickly. Paul lived in a small apartment in Hawthorn, it was horrible. When Georgie went to Sydney it was early 2005. Paul moved in to Rathdowne St and I ended up there as well. In early 2006 Finn was back in Melbourne and about to start school at Carey. I moved into a house in Sackville St Kew with him and Paul stayed at the shop. By the end of this year we moved into another house in Campbell St Kew. Georgie had returned from Sydney and I was a real mess. While this was all happening we started a new Gallery in Chapel St. In some ways the worst and in others the best thing I ever did. At the end of 2006 I ran away from Melbourne at Christmas. We went to Prague, of all places. Why not! Our European trip was a complete escape from the tensions and turmoil in my life. I was drinking heavily to block out the emotional pain and confusion in my life before we went so being away from everything was exactly what I needed. I met Allissa in Hong Kong on the return from this trip and we spent several weeks in Asia .. Vietnam, Bangkok. It was great to spend time together. I hadn’t realized what a nightmare this part of my life was until I started writing about it. It feels dark and grim but there were many moments when the sun shone through. By the end of 2008 we had moved to the Dandenong Ranges to a wonderful house in Sassafras. I had taken Paul to Bangkok in 2007 to meet the artists I had met when Allissa and I were there earlier that year. During this whole period I was also running Graphic Impressions in Camberwell. I had a plan for Paul to move to Bangkok where he could start a new life and get back on some sort of path to happiness and health. Looking back now it was like I was plugging up leaks which just caused more water to pour out somewhere else. I can’t believe that I survived the next few years. Paul came back to Melbourne with a Thai friend. he really was doing better. I visited Bangkok constantly, every couple of months. Sometimes I went for a weekend just to see him. These were my lost years. The years that I got fat and didn’t confront myself. I just stayed alive somehow and pretended to the rest of the world that I was doing OK. I wasn’t. I felt like I was juggling hot coals.

Wednesday February 2, 2022

In any negative situation in life we all have to reach an awareness that we must demand an improvement of ourselves in order to transcend whatever shit is holding us down, whatever we are creating that is allowing us to immerse ourselves in self pity or despair. 

I’ll add a caveat here which is that I believe that sadly we are all ultimately responsible for our own condition. Sure there are many external factors .. the negative influence of others, life events, losses, bad relationships, business or financial failures, the list could go on for pages but ultimately the buck stops with us as individuals. The positive thing about looking at life from this perspective is that you can empower yourself by assuming responsibility.

But back to the subject of personal awareness.

Our awareness level will dictate how we see and respond to situations around us. So how in the hell are we going to be able to be in a constant state of create if we are stuck in being introverted and stuck in our own heads unaware of our environment or other peoples feelings or needs.

For many years I was involved in the philosophy of Scientology. The basic principles from my view were a) increasing your awareness and b) improving your knowledge so that you could be more responsible for your own existence and ultimately be in control. By control I simply mean having the ability and willingness to start, change or stop anything that you had the ability and power to.

But you know what? It’s only now, many years later that I am starting to explore the fundamentals that I learnt about decades ago and being able to see them for what they were. Practical tools that exist for one reason. To aid my journey through life.

Last night I was watching a TV series called Dopesick which told the story about a very unethical American big pharma company called ”Purdue” that created and marketed a horribly addictive and dangerous opiate called Oxycontin. 

Towards the end of the series the main character, who was a West Virginian country doctor was talking to a group of addicts about pain and for me the penny dropped. Pain can come in many guises. It can be physical, intense, acute, chronic, unbearable, all consuming, it can be hot or cold, it can effect your bones, your joints, your nervous system, your muscles or it can be psychological pain, an ongoing buzz of depression, despair, loss, apathy, hopelessness and the constant fear that it will never end.

“Pain is strange. A cat killing a bird, a car accident, a fire…. Pain arrives, BANG, and there it is, it sits on you. It’s real. And to anybody watching, you look foolish. Like you’ve suddenly become an idiot. There’s no cure for it unless you know somebody who understands how you feel, and knows how to help.” 

― Charles Bukowski

If life offers you a chance to become numb to this pain and if you are desperate enough then you become susceptible to opiates, pain killers, alcohol and all sorts of substances that can take the edge off the pain for a limited time. Sure, there are some side effects but the relief that the drug gives at that exact moment in time seems to be worth it. It sort of becomes a surrogate friend who “knows how to help.”

I’ve not had a drink for well over 1000 days. I am now an alcoholic who doesn’t drink alcohol. I feel great.

Back track 40 years and this wasn’t the case. The worst pain I had ever experienced when I was younger was from sinusitis and migraines. Sure I used pain killers at times to relieve that pain but just as often I used Tiger Balm, a natural analgesic. The scariest mental pain that I had inflicted upon myself started at the innocent age of 10 when I attempted to work out the meaning of life and ended up being stuck in trying to figure out what it would be like to not be aware of not existing for eternity. That’s a deep hole to go into at such an early age. Funny thing was that I figured that if I was aware of not existing then I still had a chance.

The point is that I created layers of complexity to distance myself from this mental dilemma. I lost my innocence. I no longer existed in the present. I felt like a shining light that was surrounded by darkness and all I knew was that I had to keep burning brightly.

Maybe that’s when the abstract concept of chasing numbness might have unwittingly hit. I don’t know how true it is but there is talk of people having addictive personalities. I fall into this category. Whether it’s doing something good or bad, I get addicted. Thankfully at this stage of my life I am addicted to being healthy, fit, enthusiastic and increasing my awareness and my willingness and ability to confront life.

I digress into verbosity as I normally do. So back to the point.

To have hope and to accept help one has to come up on an “awareness scale” from wherever they are. The following is just a small section but it covers the “levels” that I believe were applicable to me.

-3 DEMAND FOR IMPROVEMENT

-4 NEED OF CHANGE

-5 FEAR OF WORSENING

-6 EFFECT

-7 RUIN

-8 DESPAIR

-9 SUFFERING

-10 NUMBNESS

-11 INTROVERSION

When I was younger I seemed to have a propensity to be a bit introverted. Even before my “foray with eternity” when I was 10 years old. My life was good, I was happy, I didn’t really have any traumatic experiences to mention but I was stuck in my head a lot and had a certain amount of self doubt. Who knows, maybe this was my underlying condition throughout my first several decades of my life. There was always a fear of losing something that underlied whatever I was doing. I wasn’t full of confidence but at the same time I lived a full and satisfying life with lots of social interaction and adventure. I played in bands throughout my teenage years but lacked the discipline to improve my skills as a musician so this eventually petered out by the time I was 20.

The “fear of loss” manifested in my life when I was about 18 during my first big romance. After the initial excitement wore off I became insanely possessive and susceptible to bouts of jealousy. I cringe now just thinking about it. I was consumed with holding on. Any relationship built on possessiveness is doomed to fail. We all know the reasons for this but back then I had no idea. When this relationship ended, as it had to, I didn’t confront my shortcomings as I was blind to them and tended to blame others for the way I felt. The next relationship I had was in reverse. I used the poor girl as a stop gap, but the beauty of this for me was that I didn’t have an all consuming need to possess her. Talk about extremes. By now I was experimenting with recreational drugs .. marijuana and LSD. They added a bit of spice to my life and seemed to add a new dimension. The point is that I soon started my second serious relationship but the possessiveness and fear of loss were still sitting there waiting to rear their ugly heads. This relationship lasted for several years but was doomed due to my “condition”. Once again I went straight into a rebound relationship where I didn’t care. To be frank, it was fantastic. It was only when I really wanted something badly that the “holding on compulsively” kicked in and I lost control.

The pattern continued and for whatever reason things didn’t improve so by the time I was 30 I was still stuck below introversion on this awareness scale. That’s when I first discovered that alcohol could create a sense of numbness. Something to take the pain away!

I have never looked at this perspective before. This is obviously where addiction began for me. I had something to ease the grip of the pain and anguish that I was manufacturing all on my own. Looking back at the list I can now see that my suffering and despair were precisely relevant to where I was on this awareness scale. 

I never acknowledged that this insecurity, this fear of impending loss was what I most feared and what I was fighting against and ultimately what led me to addiction to alcohol which put me back down the rabbit hole and made me numb.

As the years went by the alcohol became an addiction which is another thing all together. It still worked to ease the grip that life had on my throat but a whole lot of other emotions attached themselves, justifications, excuses, rationalisations. The truth is that I actually enjoyed the feeling of apparent relaxation and euphoric feeling that I got from the alcohol. 

Why does being drunk feel good?

That aspect seems to stem from the fact that alcohol increases activity in the dopamine neurons in the mesolimbic reward pathway, as well as opioid cells that release endorphins. Both produce feelings of joy, pleasure, euphoria, depending on the type of activation. That’s why drinking can be so pleasurable.

Every now and again I would get up as high as recognising that my addiction to alcohol was ruining my life but I had the ability to trick almost everybody and keep my addiction a secret. I could see the effect that it was having on me. Only a fool can deny a hangover. That horrible feeling of being poisoned. You look in the mirror and feel disgusted with yourself. But by the end of the day you are off and running again looking for the dopamine high and the release of endorphins.

I just may need to make it clear here that I wasn’t always inebriated. I went for long periods where I didn’t drink or drank lightly. I ran 10 kms almost every day, went to the gym, got fit, ate an almost raw diet and drank copious amount of vegetable juice, I did several major detoxes, I did colonics and worked like a demon to counteract the effects of the times when I did drink far too much.

But as it does life threw other curve balls at me and I knew that I could go to a place where nothing mattered, back to being numb and even so far down as deluded.

During the past decade I lost 3 members of family. My son, my father and my mother. The situation with my son had a huge impact on my life and the pressure that his illness put on me was enough to knock a horse down. There were many times when I needed to be numb, or it seemed that way.

Finally as 2018 came to a close I confronted that my addiction was ruining my life and that in actual fact my life might end abruptly, this awareness made it a bit easier to look honestly at how it was effecting me and I was genuinely fearful that it would not only get worse but that it would more than likely get so bad that I would die. The first step was honestly looking at the simple fact that I needed to change the way I was living my life and that big changes were needed. I was now finally in a position to demand an improvement of myself. This didn’t happen immediately but I finally had my last drink on February 14th, 2019 almost 3 years ago. 

Take another look at the list of awareness levels that I have above and see how they apply.

Since that moment my life has turned a corner and I have not touched alcohol since that day and even though I still acknowledge that I am an alcoholic I do not believe that I will ever drink again. I have recovered my health, lost almost 30 kgs and resolved myriad physical problems and ailments that were ruining my health.

I’m doing great and it just gets better all of the time.

Tuesday February 1, 2022

I feel a bit like I was hit by a truck last night during my sleep which was OK in terms of my Oura ring metrics. I did something wrong or maybe it was simply the shitty old mattress or the overnight heat.

I got out of bed at 8.30am, woke at 8.10.

The sunshine has hidden behind a cloud this morning and there is a general gloomy ambience about the day as far as looking outside from the dining room table.

Our 3 day sojourn to Red Hill was once again a huge success. Lots of rest, swimming at the beach, good food, exercise, socializing and even a bot of create on the house. I got a good dose of inspiration at Herenswood on  Sunday, succulents may be an answer for some of my gardening issues plus heals of Australian water resistant plants and flowers. A beautiful garden is something very special but it is something that demands a lot of time, work and money.

Melanie is having some tests done this morning in regard to an ongoing issue. Fingers crossed for her sake and “A”s that the results will be positive. That hurdle will need to be crossed after the results come back.

This is my birthday week. I’ve got to keep things simple. No stress, get done what is possible and cook some decent food for Saturday. I’ve pulled it back to bare basics out of respect for the general fear of covid that is still running rife through our society. The thing is that it is just a significance. A stop along the way. I was feeling kinda like I needed to go nuts getting things organized but that is really not the case. So once again, “que serra”.

I have a small fire burning within me to incorporate some sort of activity that might better the lot of mankind into my daily activity. maybe this could be through my blog, or maybe it could be through inspiring others to put more attention on their health. 

Sunday January 30, 2022

What’s in a name? It took me 23 years to finally marry Georgie who now goes by the name of Georgina Collier. I take great pleasure in us sharing a name, not from a position of superiority but as a representation that we share a “label” which announces to the world that we are a couple, that we have chosen to share our lives together and to be loyal to each other. I never fully realized how special this would be until we finally made it official on July 14, 2019. We first got together and started our relationship in March 1996.

My ex-wife Melanie and I broke up a year before I met Georgie in March 1995. For many reasons our marriage didn’t work out and Melanie decided to leave way back then. For all of those years she hasn’t changed her married name and has gone by the name of Melanie Collier. This has never been discussed or been an issue between me and Georgie, in actual fact I haven’t really thought about it much at all. Melanie has continued to be a friend to both Georgie and me for 27 years.

We invited Melanie and Trinidad, who is both my good friend and Melanie’s partner of 27 years to stay with us at Red Hill over this weekend. Mel and I have just recently got over a bit of a hump that threw our friendship off track for about 12 months and we’ve been back in good communication since just before Christmas which has been great, especially for “A”. We spent our first night (of this trip) together last night. We arrived late on Saturday due to a big cook up that I did before we arrived. I always bring boxes off food and spend hours packing and then cooking at the holiday house so I thought I’d try cooking the food first. This seemed too work pretty well, Melanie also brought food down so between us we have well and truly enough to get us through the next couple of days.

Just before dinner it came up during a casual conversation that Georgie had changed her name to Collier after we got married. This seemed to shock Melanie. “Have you. I had no idea” or words to the extent. A few minutes later Melanie announced that she would be changing her name to Melanie Brookes, this was her mum’s maiden name. She announced that now that Georgie had taken my name that it would be no longer appropriate for her to keep Collier as her surname. There was no way that she would be the number 2 Collier.

After a short discussion we dropped the conversation. This was the most appropriate path to go down. Any fragility or upset in regard to this “Name” situation is for each of us as individuals to address and any outcomes are best made by each of us as individuals. I’m hoping that we never have to discuss the subject again and that it is now dead in the water.

So there you go. I didn’t see that one coming. It was almost like the final knot was untied and that an era finally came to a total ending.

Saturday January 29, 2022

I was held capture in a lucid dream this morning which explains why I didn’t get out of bed until 9.45am when the house rumbled from what sounded like some very serious dental work on a huge giant. I can’t believe that within days or weeks we will have a new first world mattress. Our current 21 year old thing wouldn’t even be acceptable in a Mumbai slum.

The tree extraction appears to be going to last for several hours so there goes our peaceful Saturday morning. That’s the biggest liability in living in a profusely tree’d rural setting, the misunderstanding that the noise of petrol powered motors and heavy mulching and gardening machinery somehow doesn’t constitute noise. It is abusive.

We’ve had enough rain over the past 24 hours to justify not watering the veggie garden and hopefully there is enough to keep it going for the next 2 days that we will spend at Red Hill.

Memories

The thing about memories is that they tend to get stored like a badly filled wardrobe that doesn’t have enough light or drawers, coat hangers and compartments. You know, the one’s that are full of crumpled un-ironed clothes that are all mixed up and unordered. You are aware that something is in there hidden away but even when you do find it you then need to carefully iron what you find so it’s ready to wear or you forgot that you were a lot slimmer when you last wore it and finding a pair of matching socks is almost impossible.

I’m discovering this in recent days as I write a short history of each of my seven decades to commemorate my upcoming 70th birthday. A decade is a long time, over 3500 days full of activities, seven of them are more than 25,000 days. Pain, love, loss, failure, accomplishment, heartache, exhilaration, ideas, beginnings and endings. 

Trying to write about the essence of a ten year period in a bit over 100 words isn’t all that easy plus there are the raw emotions that are exposed as you move one bit of flotsam and jetsam to uncover something that you knew was there but had forgotten.

At first I thought I could attach an emotional feeling to each decade, which I still think is possible but then I’m discovering that all the memories are there, some lucid and clear, some in tatters and some so cloudy and murky that I’m not certain what I’m looking at.

If I had the time I would write them all down to re-visit my life but I’m afraid that I would be the only person interested enough to read the stories. We must all feel a bit like this, you’ve almost got to be an ageing rock star or actor, army general, president or mass murderer to end up with a memoir that someone else would devote some of their precious time to read or someone who can make magic happen with words.

So that is my challenge. Condensing my life so far into as few words as possible keeping in mind that there was as much sunshine as there was gloom, probably without doubt far more sunshine. And all of this without getting caught up in the desire to look in the crevices, nooks and crannies and losing myself in the past.

It’s pretty amazing how we have access to all of this mental energy, somewhat embellished and out of sequence at times but still, the reels that contain the movie show of our lives are all there stored away, sometimes dusty, sometimes damaged, sometimes as clear as a bell with sound, smell, emotion. It’s like we all have our own VR machine attached to some sort of umbilical cord.

Friday January 28, 2022

I just got up far too early after my worst night’s sleep in months. What went wrong? Firstly, I went to bed far too late. The “night” started at 9 pm because we ate late, Georgie was pottering around outside until after 8 which meant that she ate late and we didn’t start watching Dopesick, a documentary about the horrible opiate oxycodone until about 9 and then we stupidly watched 2 shows! Finn then asked me to cook him something and before I knew it the clock struck midnight.

We finally almost chose a new mattress yesterday, hopefully this will arrive soon and that will more than likely allow us to have a much better sleep. We’ve been carting our current mattress around for 21 years and it’s now a complete disaster zone, almost impossible to have a decent sleep on.

Thursday January 27, 2022

Pitter, patter, boom, bang, crash, shudder. These are the sounds that I woke to this morning. After several really hot days the sky have opened up and the clouds have rolled in. What a different viewpoint I have this morning looking at a grey vista compared to yesterdays bright blue skies. The rain is welcome and the dullness is a small price to pay for the benefits of the rain.

We took Kaye shopping yesterday to The Works in Burwood Rd, my old stomping ground and then visited John and Flora and lounged around in their pool.

Later I bombed out on the couch so that was the end of the night. Georgie went to sleep as well so we ended up going to bed at around 10pm. Another day ready for the memory banks. 

The rain, thunder and lightning looks like it is here for the whole day, maybe I’ll need to amend this observation a bit later in the day.

Another doctor has had his head put on a pike. Dr John Piesse who I have brushed shoulders with over the years has been deregistered for until 2028 because of his views and actions regarding child vaccination. It’s more than telling that many of the doctors that I have gravitated toward over my life have been attacked. What a pity that the status quo has so much power that they can squash people who tend toward more natural healing techniques.

Wednesday January 26, 2022

Late to bed last night, woke up at 7am and went for a 60 minute walk a 8.30am before the sun reached its’ zenith.

I’m feeling a bit cranky this morning and on top of that my sciatica nerve is a bit inflamed again after running in the pool for about 15 mins on Monday. 

I listened to a long podcast by Peter Attia on the current state of Omicron. I didn’t agree with everything they discussed but it was very good to hear the latest viewpoints on where the pandemic has gone. I am forcing myself to listen to a mix of more extreme viewpoints and centrist viewpoints to keep a balance and hopefully a more broad perspective on the disease and the world’s response to the ever-changing mutations.

The more I look the more I see the difference between the power of public opinion and truth. Sometimes these two are worlds apart but I have to accept this because it is real and it is relevant.

Summer is here. The days have been consistently hot. Summer as a person in retirement is a completely different phenomena than when I was working, stressed, drinking and constantly in a state of flux and panic.

Today I will book some flights to Bali using our Jetstar credits.

Tuesday January 25, 2022

Re the Current State of my Health

I’m pretty certain that I’m doing quite well. My sleep has been consistently good although I wake up in the middle of the night to urinate at least once. Exercise could be better but lately has been hampered by a problem with my left leg and sciatica nerve. Still, I am getting in a fair amount of movement and my Oura ring tells me that overall sleep, readiness and activity is OK. I do need to improve my overall heart rate variability. That’s a tricky one which I still do not fully understand. I am still in a state of ketosis most of the time, for example, this morning my BS was 4.1 and KT 2.2.

Diet is OK but I need to get more green veggies and salads into my mouth and possibly a bit more good quality protein. My weight has stabilised again at 80 kg which I should be damn happy about as it was 107 kg plus at the beginning of this journey. It’s great to see my reflection in a mirror and be happy with what I see.

My 70th birthday is fast approaching. Like when a holiday is coming closer to the end there is a feeling of acceptance and a slight resignation but my secret is that I can generally work out how to extend the holiday.

This morning writing session is one of the very best activities that I have. The name I have given it “Defrag Blues” is spot on as the end result is generally one of resolution and it’s akin to having a big, wonderful shower for my mind each morning.

I’ve been trying to wrap my head around the Novavax vaccination mainly because we are probably going to have to have it within the next month.

Monday January 24, 2022

I have two subjects to address this morning.

The first one is loss. A big subject that could embrace the loss od a physical item, a person you love or even your self esteem. Nobody likes losing things or the feeling that associates itself with this phenomena. 

For me the emotion that I connect with loss is one of sadness. It goes back to when I was about 10 years old when I was attempting to fathom out my mortality. What bigger loss can there be than your own consciousness and potential existence. I’m not going to go into a big psychoanalysis this morning, I know for sure there were earlier times when I experienced this feeling but I’ll leave those for another time.

What precipitated me getting entangled in loss. Firstly I drove my van haphazardly up the driveway yesterday to park it on the road outside our house. We had a gardener coming this morning and georgie suggested that the driveway should be uncluttered by vehicle. The problem is the bit of road outside our house isn’t really a road, it’s more like a wide footpath and we have about 13 trees growing on our nature strip so I parked it on the slope opposite. Unfortunately the van was full of huge prints with glass on them and you guessed it, they weren’t tied up. Smash, the sickening sound of the thump and then the broken glass. A sound that I have experienced so many times over the past 40 years. That irreparable realisation that immense destruction has occurred. After all the glass that has broken over the years you would imagine that I was immune to feeling devastated but no, it still happens and it genuinely takes some time for the feeling to dissipate. This has been a good lesson in the power of uncontrolled emotion on the mood, outlook and physiology. Yep, that’s right. It effects me physically as well. You know that flat feeling that permeates your bones. That feeling of being physically vulnerable. That state where you become susceptible to any random bit of bacteria or virus floating around your environment. The other thing that I noticed was that I withdrew into my self. I tried to justify and explain why it happened. Even that rationality of looking for exterior reasons that you can hang the blame on.

For now I will own this feeling. It continued throughout the night and influenced my dreams which also contained the sensation of loss, even though I can’t really remember them in any detail now.

The other subject for today is the influence of ideas and viewpoints on the way you view a subject. I had listened to Dr Robert Malone and Dr Peter McCulloch talking about the overall response to the pandemic. I found myself agreeing with everything they had to say. Then I listened to a podcast by another two younger doctors who presented themselves as both charismatic and intelligent. They were both pro-vaccination (for Covid) but they were also able to differentiate in regard to when the vaccine was appropriate and how many doses might be needed in different scenarios. It just goes to show that different nuances can uncover a divergent way of looking at a situation. There are many sides to every story and you simply cannot afford to have a static response when you are not yourself an expert in the field.

My job now i=s to rise up out of the emotional hole I have dug for myself late yesterday and last night and get into the present to enjoy my day and the people whose paths I cross.

Sunday January 23, 3022

I learned a big lesson in 2021. It goes back to some words, paraphrased here, that I heard from a philosopher back in the mid 1970s. They went something like this … The first step in handling any problem is to first be able to confront it.

The reason I’m pondering my experiences from 2021 is because this is the year that I handled cancer and yes, the very first thing that I had to do was to fully confront the disease. To look it in the eyes, to do whatever I could based on the data I had to go to battle with it in the most strategic manner that I possibly could.

My journey from a somewhat broken body to a relatively healthy one began two years earlier in early 2019. It has now been 3 years since this journey began and what I have learned along the way has not only been life changing on a physical level but also mentally and spiritually.

Underlying the  journey has been a simple ability that we all have. That ability is to open your eyes to look beyond the fog at what is really happening and secondly to eke out whatever information and knowledge is available to apply to what you find. I have discovered that it is a huge step to realize that something that you have held to be true may be wrong and that there is a better way of going about approaching whatever it is. The wonderful thing about this is that it fits with my personality. I love change, I love getting lost and finding my way home, I love discovering new things and garnering inspiration to fuel my desire to learn more.

Having access to so much data, so many new ideas, so many discussions between people I have never even met has given me the opportunity to rethink so many things. That is the wondrous beauty about being part of a conscious race of beings. Our ability to share ideas, discoveries and viewpoints. That is what makes this point in time so special. Access to the fruits of the observations and perspectives of others.

I don’t have a lot of barriers in my way to discover the ideas that appeal to me but I also have the luxury of being able to find others with opposing or new ideas that then get me thinking about issues from a different perspective.

And therein lies our biggest issue in January 2022. It certainly isn’t the virus that has embraced our attention and filled the world with fear for the past 2 years, that looks like it is coming to an end. Once again that is but a symptom of our predicament and us humans simply love treating and suppressing symptoms without ever searching for the cause. There is a deeper underlying problem, one that I have been vaguely aware of for most of my life and in some ways the search for the solution to this problem has driven my life. It is a problem of mankind collectively being unable to confront what is really happening and making decisions that will be the most productive to increasing the survival potential of humankind as a species and then all of the other miracles that have evolved over billions of years on this planet that we call home. It would appear that nature or God or natural selection or whatever name you choose to give the force that guides our collective survival presents the best possible solutions. As mankind starts messing with these systems and not confronting the consequences of their actions, of what seemed like a good idea to someone the potential is there for stepping backwards in the name of progress. Collectively as mankind we tend to have a propensity to have an impulse or an idea to do something that seems like a good idea at the time. But then we spot a flaw and instead of admitting that we may have been wrong we try to fix the mistake or its consequences which in most cases simply creates more problems. This process can easily build and build until the original transgression gets so buried that memory and knowledge of it is totally lost.

Let’s look at our current Covid 19 pandemic. Let’s just say that there were a group of scientists who felt that playing around with gain of function in regard to corona viruses was a wise path to take. Whether this was inquisitiveness or financially motivated isn’t really the point. A series of decisions must have been made to hide these actions from the world at large. Herein lies the first bending of truth. This opens the door to lies, justifications, targeting anyone who opens their mouth to expose what is going on etc. Then let’s say that due to an unfortunate mistake one of the lab workers gets infected by this novel man made virus and takes it our of the lab. The natural and basic instinct for any “living” thing is to survive and viruses have billions of years of experience in doing just this, mutating and evolving along the way with no real purpose other than to continue to exist. What would then happen if this one person infected another and through simple compounding infection a whole city became exposed to this virus and then the world. Wouldn’t the first impulse of the creators be to divert attention to another “false”cause or source. They sure as hell don’t want to cop the blame. If this was the case then everything that came next was based on a lie and the solutions that were applied would then be attenuated by solving problems on the basis of incorrect raw data. A husband who cheats on his wife will go to any lengths to withhold his transgressions and he will also generally get more vicious in his responses as he wonders if anyone has found out. In actual fact he will probably attempt to destroy the credibility of those who he suspects might know even a partial amount of truth.

Let’s then speculate that the people who were messing with the virus were part of a larger community of scientists, big business, commercial interests and even watchdog groups. Wouldn’t they then be tempted to firstly look at how they could use these connections to cover their own asses and then to take a look at how they could use the circumstances to their own advantage, in terms of power and finances. This is just flawed human nature, which unfortunately is on the blink and results in more and more problems the further it departs from the truth.

I’m not going to speculate too much here but I find it rather strange that the overall narrative tends to negate many tried and tested re-purposed drugs and simple supplements (like VitD, zinc, VitC) that have the potential to protect people from being ravaged by covid. 

The biggest issue as far as I am concerned is our loss of the right to share our ideas and discoveries. The censorship is frightening, the fact that respectable scientists can be de-platformed from social media for have contrary viewpoints to the WHO and CDC is abhorrent. The fact that my friends sometimes won’t discuss issues on the phone for fear of being targeted is frightening. As I said earlier I believe our biggest asset as a species is our ability to share, to communicate openly, to inspire each other, to explore and speak bravely and compassionately to anyone who is willing to listen. This basic right is now being seriously threatened by censorship and mass hysteria. The mainstream narrative has taken to labelling anything that challenges the contrived account as misinformation framed by conspiracy theorists who are also bloody anti-vaxxers who probably shoot up horse paste in their spare time! The narrative has been rammed down people’s throats to the point where they believe every word, no matter how dumb and full of lies and contradictions that those words are.

Saturday January 22, 2022

 First words I uttered this morning were “ I didn’t feel so chirpy this morning.” The next thing I did was find my phone and check my deep sleep and my HRV (Heart Rate Variabilty) on my OURA app. As I suspected my average HRV was down by about 40% from yesterday’s reading. This basically means that my sympathetic nervous system had become fired up for some reason, that I had some emotional shit going on or that I did something wrong with my diet/timing. To be honest, I haven’t worked out how to spot the cause just yet but on the same hand it is great to know that something needs to change. My deep sleep was OK, almost 90 minutes. What’s with this obsession to understand the metrics of my sleep pattern? 

The more good quality sleep that I can get will determine my body’s ability to repair and recover, it will positively influence my brain and it will set me up for a better future both mentally and physically. 

I have lots more to learn and apply in this area.

One thing that I have become very aware of is that Finn has certain attributes that both Paul and my Dad had. He doesn’t trigger me as much as they did, possibly because I am in a better position in terms of understanding myself and my reactions. When we arrived home last night Finn got angry. Why? I think it was because of the reaction I gave him when he started voicing his disgust at societies reaction to the current stages of the Covid epidemic. That doesn’t really matter, what I do need to learn from this is that my response and reaction to his volatility will not only determine his happiness but to a large extent mine as well. There is a point where the scales tip and move to the negative side.  First thing I have to do when he gets loud is to stay in present time and maintain empathy. I have to look upon what he is saying, no matter how loudly and treat it as an origination. By that I mean something that is affecting him, something that he needs to be heard and understood. I know for a fact that I don’t always do a good job of handling this well and we both suffer as a result.

So is it tolerance and empathy that is the missing ingredient, does it really matter if I am not all that interested in the way that he gets the message across?

One thing I do know is that Finn will always ponder on what has happened and will make some sort of gesture that lets you know that he is sorry and that all is now well. I should appreciate this for what it is.

It is all in my reaction, always was. The main difference is that I had no real control over Paul and George and for that matter others who used similar patterns of control with me over the years.

I’m a sucker for feeling bad if I perceive myself to have made someone else feel bad or alternatively if they get really angry with me. This is some sort of survival mechanism that I use to be in control.

Friday January 21, 2022

The Australian TGA finally approved the protein vaccination, Novavax yesterday. As much as I do not want any Covid vaccination this one seems to be the safest of the novel vaccines that have rolled out over the past year.

I have started researching what is in it and how it works, the efficacy and safety of the tests and the results that it has produced in the countries where it has been approved like Indonesia.

The bigger difference is that it does not put codes into our bodies that then get them to create spike protein. It is a far more traditional vaccination that injects an attenuated version of the virus into our bodies which then allows our immune system to create anti-bodies.

Having said that I wouldn’t have any vaccination if I didn’t need to travel to Indonesia. It looks like it is my only option.

So far our family has remained untouched by Covid. We have all, to a greater or lesser degree taken actions against the virus in the form of lifestyle, diet, improved health, supplements, isolation, exercise, spending large amounts of time outside in the sun etc, etc. With the latest variation of the virus which has been named Omicron the infection rates have increased seven fold and it is now inevitable that we will be exposed to it sooner or later. That’s how viruses work. At least it is far less dangerous at this stage of it’s evolution. Unless some miracle mutant mutation evolves it looks like we are out of the woods.

General

Our little New Year sojourn is about to end for now. Something strange has happened in regard to my relationship with Red Hill and more generally The Mornington peninsula. I have unburdened myself of some tacit consideration and now find myself loving being here. I am even embracing our visits to the bayside beaches and wading out into the slightly warm water. I am not even going to attempt to search for meaning in this, just embrace it and enjoy what I have discovered. I am particularly enjoying the peace of sitting on the patio with the gentle breezes caressing the trees and blowing against my body, the birds happily chirping in the background and even the ambient noises of the adjoining properties. The only sound I don’t enjoy is the kamikaze buzz of mosquitos. This peace that I am feeling is a new thing for me. Something has changed in my universe. The transition happened without me even really being aware of anything happening but whatever it was I am happy with it. I can sit for hours without even thinking. This may appear disconcerting to others around me but I love the feeling of emptiness.

The big challenge now is going to be taking this relaxed feeling home with us.

Talking about home. It’s the mess that is the impediment to serenity. The house is dark and full of bits and pieces that we have collected along the way that have no real use in the present. I look at them and weigh up their value, scratch my head and put them in a box or a drawer, lean them against a wall, put them in a closet or leave them at the front door to deal with another time. Not really what could be called a solution. It is time to “man up” and start ridding myself of the excess baggage that is hindering our happiness. Value is a very personal thing. Chances are that we will not even be able to sell the prints that we have stored in units and garages. Will my life be enhanced if I keep these things. The truth is that any money we make really only pays for the storage costs. Therein lies a project.

Thursday January 20, 2022

Thursday Morning Symptoms

Almost nothing. My nose is still very slightly running and was a bit last night. I took another ivermectin. Slight tinnitus went away and overall I felt pretty good. No real signs of covid apart from runny nose.

The world continues to go insane in it’s general reaction to the so called pandemic. As far as I am concerned it is time to seriously review our response medically, socially and politically.

A rang me at 10.30 last night a bit upset that Melanie may be going to hospital to handle some sort of pain, possibly a hernia. I have to help her to prepare for the aches and pains of old age which is now becoming more and more inevitable for Melanie and myself as we get older. It is really a responsibility that we both have to stay as healthy as we possibly can. Anyway, it looks that apart from an uncomfortable night that she is OK and all is well. I spoke to A this morning and she is fine.

It’s a windy but mild morning at Red Hill. Amazingly my deep sleep instantly increased by 50% as did my HRV. Something magical happens when I get here. It must be either the peacefulness of the country or something negative about our house (Mooroolbark) or our bed.

I’ve become fascinated with the subject of narcissism. In the past I have look at it as a person with being interesting or being interested. It appears that there is more to it than that and that it is a mix of what I have called covert hostility, anti social personality and the above. 

How many people really care about others? How many people are interested enough to ask questions and get a person talking about themselves and their problems, situations, fears etc in life. Or for that matter pointing out the positives about a person’s actions or accomplishments. I for one don’t know too many people who express a lot of interest in me when we talk. I can probably count them on my fingers. I have written somewhere else recently that one of my goals when I communicate is to leave the person feeling a little bit better about themselves, the world or life after we have finished our interaction. The world needs uplifting actions, empathy and compassion. The bright side of life is far more rewarding than the dark side and putting ones attention on the positives is quite often enough to negate the negatives.

I suppose that we all enter our lives in a certain condition. There is the basic personality and that generally will persist through a person’s lifetime. I know that when I am kind to myself, work on my health, am achieving some sort of goals and am being somewhat inspirational that I feel better, more worthwhile and more able to exist in the present. It’s not that I do a lot to help others but I am willing and I am going to do my best to be there for people in need.

The trick is how one responds to others and external stresses. I found myself getting very defensive earlier this week over something very trivial. My reactions brought out the worst in me, I even shared the story with others which makes me wonder what my motivation was because I had consciously decided not to do this. One of the things that I became very aware of this year is that my personal response to people, issues, stresses, problems, disputes, disagreements is paramount in regard to my ability to see the issues clearly and to then be able to take what I hope is the sanest path to improving existing conditions. When it all boils down in regard to matters of pride the truth that I see is that it doesn’t really matter when the penny stops spinning. It will blow over, it will be forgotten,there is nothing one can do to stop another person speaking badly of you, there isn’t really all that much that we can do to help others to become better in our own eyes. If they think that their methods of dealing with life are superior than that’s it, end of story. So once again I have to temper my own pride, ego, self worth and respond in the most empathetic, positive manner in which I am capable. I’m the one who is going to be the winner if I can pull this off. If I am the winner then it can only make me respond to other aspects of my life more positively and then the chances of the world moving on an upward spiral are slightly increased.

Wednesday January 19, 2022

Wednesday Morning – Symptoms

A bit of tinnitus in both ears. My nose is still ever so slightly moist this morning but not running like last night. I took an ivermectin and will continue throughout the week. Apart from that I’m feeling OK and the chances that I have omicron are smaller than they appeared last night. I suspect that the runny nose may re-appear at some stage throughout the day.

I’m letting algorithms take over what music I am listening to. There are ways around this. It’s not the end of the world but is something that I need to look at and address.

It’s as beautiful day. We both got up before 8 on the instigation of Georgie which was fabulous. Perfect blue sky, mild temperature. I’ve watered the veggie garden but now need to thin it out and pick certain plants as well as pick up the lemons that have fallen on the ground.

I did HBOT yesterday as well as a decent walk and long sauna. Had a decent lunch, a not so good dinner. I noticed yesterday that I had lost a bit more weight during my stay in Red Hill last week. We are heading off again in a few hours and coming home on Friday afternoon.

There is something not quite right with the logistics in our house. There always seems to be a mess in the kitchen. Storage is a problem but there is so much shit that needs to be thrown out. That’s a good project for next week. The trick will be to throw away as much junk that never gets used as possible.

Claire got back to me but I don’t think that we are going to get very far. I would love to help her handle her rash which has ben a life long problem. maybe I could get onto Paul Mason’s clinic in Sydney and set up a consultation for her. I don’t think she will be willing to give up what she will need to to do it my way.

The one big negative about yesterday was my reaction to Melanie’s reaction re the punnet of tomatoes that I took. I got very defensive. Am I reacting to the 2020 version of Melanie or am I reacting to the 1990s version? One positive thing to be aware of is that I haven’t splattered it all “over the shop” I have only discussed my reaction with A and that was in a light hearted sort of way. But I must say it was a bit of a shock to het such a weird response about the tomatoes. Something to look at and keep in mind if I decide to create a friendship.

I’m not really good company with myself today, not a lot to talk about so I’ll call it quits.

Tuesday January 18, 2022

Tuesday Night – Symptoms 

It’s possible that I have a dose of omicron. I’ve had a blocked and slightly runny nose for most of the day with a wee bit of sneezing. Tonight I feel a bit heavy and slightly fatigued. My head feels a bit “stuffy brained” and I have slight case of tinnitus. A bit achy and quite thirsty. Oxygen levels are good, normal temperature, no cough today but I did have a scratchy throat and cough on Saturday afternoon but it only lasted for about 30 mins. Took 18mg of ivermectin last night

I reached out to one of my nieces a few days ago and offered help. Now I have received a response and I have become a bit “nervous” about beginning without certain commitments on both of our behalves. Unfortunately long term good health is an all or nothing thing (from my viewpoint). So my first step is to send a response to her response.

So here’s my attempt.

Hi Claire

Thanks for getting back to me. Firstly let me say that I I understand your sentiment. The idea of giving up one’s “freedom of choice” and choosing a highly disciplined regime is daunting so my first advice is that anything you do has to be 100% your own decision. I don’t really think that a decision like this should be even considered without a good hard objective look at exactly what your goals are.

In my case, due to the nature of cancer it is sort of easier because there are only 2 outcomes – defeating it or it defeating you. I chose to accept that my condition was 100% my own responsibility and that if I wanted to handle what was happening in and to my body I had to first accept any help I could find to get the ball rolling and that I then had to find out for myself as much as I could about the disease and what it was doing to my whole body system and then what I could do to get it under control. This alone was like climbing Mt Everest for the first time. I’ve written a lot of stuff on my blog (www.garycollier.com.au) especially in the “cancer section” about what I did, my thoughts and feelings and the study and work that I did.

I want to write a book to you but my tendency toward verbosity can get a bit sanctimonious so I’ll attempt to curb myself.

I wrote one thing which I will link here called “My Body Is A Battlefield”. Approaching my predicament from this angle sort of really helped me get a different perspective. It strengthened my resolve and helped me to create strategies to win the battle that I had decided to wage.

In this age of modern medicine it is tempting to rely on what is available but from what I can see what it has to offer can only be used as an adjunct to your own lifestyle choices. For example, I used radiology but I used it as only one of the treatments, no doubt it helped to kill the cancer cells. I had to do a lot of work to prepare my body for the radiation and ended up having absolutely no side effects. Without my diet, HBOT (oxygen therapy), IVs, exercise etc. etc there may have been a different outcome. The other thing that I came to realize was that the original tumour does not generally kill you, this happens when the cancer metastasizes.

Our bodies have been evolving for millions of years. I’m pretty certain that if we feed them what we should and exercise them like we should and maintain them as we should, they have the ability to heal themselves.

There is no doubt that we inherit our genes and DNA from our ancestors. It looks like our family had a lot of dodgy genes to pass down. What I discovered is that although our genes might be prone to auto-immune fuckups we still have the ability to turn on and off pathways that activate dodgy genes and deactivate them.

Luckily for me my strategy has worked so far. The cancer has retreated and there is no sign of it but I am also well aware that it can metastasize and rear it’s ugly head somewhere else in the body down the track, so I have had to make the decision to continue my regime for the rest of my life. 

On a more positive note, I feel better than I have for 30 years, physically, mentally and spiritually. All the restraint and discipline is producing worthwhile and ongoing results.

Having said all of that I won’t even start to try to pretend that it wasn’t bloody hard. Some days it felt like I was walking across broken glass to a doorway that opened into a black hole.

I would be happy to help you try out a ketogenic diet and to give you advice on what to eat, the proportions of the macros … fat, protein and carbs, blood tests and recording of what you eat, intermittent fasting etc, plus I could send you youtube lectures from people I have been learning off. Another option is a Dr in Sydney named Paul Mason who seems to be very, very good at diagnosis and treating of auto immune diseases. I don’t know a lot about his practise but he really seems to know what he is talking about.

That’s what I can offer. It takes a lot of work, a lot of dedication, a lot of persistence and a lot of sacrifice. It may or may not help your condition but I do believe that it would make your body healthier and your immune system stronger and consequently give your body a chance to heal itself of whatever inflammation is contributing to your skin condition.

Let me know your thoughts and we can talk soon.

Monday January 17, 2022

After a very short sit out on the back patio at Red Hill I have been driven inside by fine droplets of misty rain and a bland grey sky. The mornings haven’t been consistent at all, some are warm with blue skies while others are almost wintry. Very strange for January. We have 2 days back in Melbourne and will return to Red Hill on Wednesday, then come back on Friday morning.That will be it for a while as guests start arriving again to finish off January and into February. 

We are considering bringing down some new art and bits and pieces for Red Hill to get a bit more personalised ambience going. Bit by bit.

Our time down here has been quite social but in many ways the best part for me was spending so much time with A. It’s one thing talking on the phone but being together is far more satisfying.

Georgie and I have both agreed that we will attempt to get our attention of the madness of the world and the systematic stripping of the right to have differing viewpoints and freedom of thought and speech. Our most valuable asset as a civilization!

I’m missing Finn. Hopefully I can sustain this when we get home. I’ve really got to help him edge toward getting a job.

Where to now? A new year is opening up before me. Surely we will get to Bali this year, hopefully in the first half. Sometime between March and August will work for me. The thing that I have to look at is that Finn and Kaye are the main 2 factors that are keeping us stuck in Melbourne and not travelling for extended periods of time. I’m not being totally honest with myself because covid and a lack of fluid funds are also playing a significant role in us putting down roots. 

We’ve come to a standstill on several projects …. bed, Bali websites, sorting out incomplete cycles with Jetstar, Telstra and Amex, these things keep going on my list of “to dos” and every time they appear nothing happens. I’ll have to spot what the obstacle is, well I sort of know but there is still an obstacle underlying this.

Sunday January 16, 2022

After a week at Red Hill I am feeling so relaxed that I’m on the verge of getting lost in my daydreams. The experience has been transformational and gratifying, maybe it will even open up new vistas. It’s OK for life to be uncomplicated.

Ross and Mali came down yesterday. A is still here. Lots of talking, cooking, eating …. like catching a ride on a gentle wave and just chilling.

Saturday January 15 , 2022

“You can’t appear dumb in this day and age or you are stuffed.”

These are words I just said to my daughter in regard to a conversation we were having about computer/digital/website knowledge. It’s pretty true. It doesn’t take long to suss out whether somebody just listens to the opinions of others and somebody who has a genuine interest in staying abreast with the most accurate information possible.

I think that we are right in the middle of a period when brutal honesty is a prized commodity, especially a willingness to admit that you may have been wrong based on something like an incorrect data source or research paper. The way we wrangle things these days there will be something (data wise) that can be found to support either argument. That’s why fact checking is the magic pill of the 2020s. Really, none of us have an excuse to not be able to supply the sources of our information when we are involved in a debate/dispute.

In some ways it’s better to not give an opinion unless you are 100% sure that you can refer back to the source data. This on the other hand does not mean that you cannot have opinions, as long as you make it very clear that this is what your viewpoints are. Even then you have to be aware that if you pass on an opinion somebody else might then try to pass it on as a fact. That is why I think we should all try as hard as possible to keep our opinions about others to ourselves. They are quite often tainted by personal bias and even coloured by our own actions in regard to the subject.

Friday January 14, 2022

My attention got a bit stuck on 1983 in the early hours of this morning. I wasn’t able to sleep very well due to pains in my legs due to sciatica and other muscular aches and pains. Maybe it is because I am spending time with Allissa, maybe it could simply be coincidence. 1983 was a transition year for me. Much the same as 1975, 1995, 2012, 2000, well they are the years that stand out. My attention didn’t go onto the year until after a lucid and vivid dream which included my old Boss from Myer, Jim O’Donaghue involving art, design, confidence, architecture, placement, old age, all in all a very weird dream.

1983 was a year of change. In mid February the state caught fire and we watched a cloud of smoke come toward us while we sat on the sand at Port Phillip Bay. Bob Hawke became our Prime Minister which led to the Australian dollar being floated in December. America invaded Grenada, which I had never heard of until then and Michael Jackson released “Thriller”. 

The year began with me still on staff at The Church of Scientology which was then located in Russell St in Melbourne’s C.B.D. Paul was 3 and Allissa was 1. I was in a dilemma about life, commitment, money, loyalties and had become incredibly disillusioned about what I was doing with my life. We started the year living in Highfield Rd, Hartwell in a little dark brick house that we rented. We quite possibly still had a goat as a pet in our back yard. By now we had started selling our block mounted Japanese prints at The Victoria market on a Sunday and at Monash Uni on Fridays. Melanie was 24 and I was 31. We both worked so hard and I worked such long hours. I was effectively simultaneously working 2 full time jobs, balancing responsibilities, work, fatherhood, sleep and doing the best I could to create some sort of foundation to move forward from. I don’t think I ever looked upon life as being hard but it was. I’m pretty certain that I had about 2 hours sleep on Thursday nights and pretty much zero sleep each Saturday night. I really have no idea how we juggled our time and responsibilities because there was so much going on. I caught the train into the city each morning and back again in the afternoons/early evening often falling asleep and missing my station. I had already decided that my tenure as an “executive” at Melbourne’s Church of Scientology was going to end as soon as I could work out how to pull it off without rocking the boat too much. 

Melanie had already gone through her own “staff” nightmare in 1981 when she was pregnant with Allissa and was now being a full time Mum amongst other things. The people from Sydney’s Sea Org loomed large over our lives in what I realize now was obviously a very militant manner. The two people that stood out were a serious old woman named Phil Stevens and her nasty son, Steve. If any two people ever had a negative effect on my life and happiness it was these two guys. She’s dead now and I have no idea or do I want to know whatever happened to him. They were one of those Scientology families that had their own rules and autonomy.

I have no idea what month it was when I finally left “staff” at the Church. The divorce was painful but that’s another story for another time. By now we had transcended our little single brick garage in Hartwell where we had produced all of our block mounted prints and we had rented a strange garage like space in a back alley in Ormond. We had no toilet so our staff had to walk down to Ormond Station to use the public toilet. We packed all of our equipment into a very small space, saw dust all over the floor, folding chairs to sit in the alley to eat our lunch. We had two full time staff. A partially deaf girl named Maxine and a young guy named Gary Conley, there may have been others but I don’t clearly recall. 

Sometime during this period Melanie booked a holiday to Bali for us. I had been on a plane once before possibly in 1980 when we were coerced into going to Sydney to visit the Sea Org headquarters. None of that matters because going to Bali was one of those moments when life transformed from black and white into colour. It was so exotic. Bali was in its first stages of international tourism. We had no idea what to expect and were not disappointed by anything that we experienced. We spent time in Kuta, Ubud and Sanur. We stayed at the Hotel Tjampuan in Ubud which is but a hop, skip and a jump from where Villa Tusk is now, almost 40 years later. Ubud is what stood out for me above all else.

I am pretty certain that this trip was a monumental moment in our lives as a family. If I recall, it must have been winter in Melbourne so it was probably sometime around June.

The funny thing about memories is that you don’t always get the sequence right which is a good reason to keep a diary or a journal or even to consult somebody else who was there which I will do sometime later with Melanie.

Other notable moments in 1983 were trips to Sydney for what was known as a Comm Ev. Looking back now I recall feeling like a political prisoner being tried for treason. The outcome was pre-ordained. We could have just left out all of the pomp and circumstance and cut to the chase.

There were two other significant events in 1983 which happened toward the end of the year. I’m not sure which happened first but they seemed to be happening simultaneously from where I stand now. The first one was our decision to expand our business and to rent a factory in Hawthorn. We found a huge space in Burwood Rd, moved in and started growing our business which was at this stage pretty much wholesale except for our Market sales. This was a pivotal moment which profoundly influenced the next four decades of both of our lives.

The other important event probably happened around November. I had always had a dream to live in the Dandenong Ranges. There was something about the outer east of Melbourne that really appealed to me even dating back to my childhood when I went on school excursions to One Tree Hill in the Dandenongs and Badger Creek at Healesville. Then there were my “hippy” connections from the early 70s. One Sunday we went for a family drive to the hills and even though we had no intention of buying a house we happened upon a stone cottage in Tecoma that was for sale. Being impulsive must have always been part and parcel of my personality so without too much thought we found ourselves at the Real Estate office in Tecoma writing out a cheque for a deposit to buy the house. The hilarious thing is that we didn’t have the money to back up the cheque so we made an impromptu appointment with our bank Manager, a guy named Foley, on Monday morning and miraculously pulled of a loan for the house.

What started as an unhappy year ended up as what felt like a moment of glory to me. We had a business, we had two kids, we were buying our own house in the hills and we had discovered the exoticism of overseas travel.

So that was 1983 in a nutshell. Lots more happened in that watershed year but these are the main points that stand out for me.

Thursday January 13, 2022

I’m currently sitting at a round table at Red Hill with most of my family, we are all on our computers so I suppose you could say that we are at work, or something like that. This doesn’t mean that there isn’t a lot of talking happening. We are all data nerds. It is 11am and I had a late start to the day after I made a conscious decision not to get out of bed at 7am when I woke up and went back to sleep until 10am.

I’m going to take it easy today and forsake my walk and general exercise to give my lower back and sciatica a chance to calm down.

I’m happy to just hang out, write, play the guitar and learn a bit more about making a website.

Wednesday January 12, 2022

I’ve started writing a brief history of my life from the viewpoint of turning 70 in the next few weeks. I’m taking a brief look at each decade. This is turning out to be more intense that I could have ever imagined. Each decade has its own set of emotions. For some mystical reason I seem to be able to look back with more insight than I would have thought possible. I’m just coming to the end of the 80s. Wow, what a decade that was. It was the beginning of my demise in many ways. I’ll need to take a closer look at what happened at some time in the future because this is when I started going downhill.

Back to the present. My sciatica nerve is really playing up today. I had to get out of bed at 6.30 am after a night of pain, although I don’t actually feel overly tired. It’s strange having so much pain. I have to lay on my back because if I put any pressure on my nerve the pain takes over. It’s 8am now but I still haven’t had a look at my Oura ring data. Looks like today might end up being sedate with no walking. Allissa will arrive a bit later, maybe Georgie can go for a walk with her.

I did something totally out of character this morning. Firstly, I ate breakfast and secondly I ate bread. No guilt but a certain amount of trepidation in regard to the consequences. I’m already feeling a slight belly ache. But it was delicious. I wasn’t really all that hungry. It was just that I convinced myself that I needed some balance or compensation to make up for my shitty night of  pain and what seemed like very light sleep.

I spoke to on the phone to Peter Davies yesterday for the first time in years. It was actually quite a good conversation.

The Covid madness continues. The world wide government vaccine policy narrative appears in every article. It’s insane. Not so much saying that vaccines protect people against personal danger but simply the fact that the media have an overwhelming need to parrot the same narrative over and over even when the evidence is mounting day by day against what the world id being told. I’m not so upset about the vaccine as I am about the policy and the way that people are blindly believing and following this thinly veiled assertion that the vaccine will save them and their way of life when the facts point to something totally different. It is certainly scary that people are so easily convinced by half truths and peer group pressure. It still appears to me that all of the wisdom that is available in regard to natural immunity is being covered over and made less of in order to forward a narrative that is obviously false.

Tuesday January 11, 2022

I’ve started writing my “Ode to Turning 70” yesterday and it is quite interesting what has come out so far. We have been at Red Hill now since Sunday evening and I am really enjoying it. Red Hill hasn’t changed so it must mean that I have. I think that deep down I have lowered my yardstick of measuring a good day by frenetic activity, when you are approaching life in a calm manner things tend to go slower and in some ways deeper. The reality is that I am not going to set the world on fire so there is no need to burn my candle at both ends.

My only “bitch” at the moment is the pain in my left leg. Some sort of nerve pain that appeared after Christmas and just won’t go away. I probably just need to be patient, accept it for now and wait for it to go away. 

Yesterday I wrote, we walked, I cooked, we ate, we drove, we talked, I solved a problem that came up with Covid and my birthday party, we swam in the bay, we shopped for vegetables, went to a cafe that was closed but got to be inspired by their garden, we ate and talked more, we spent time with Kaye. It was what could be called a pleasant day with virtually no stress or anxiety.

My deep sleep is going very well down here. I get around 2 hours each night which is truly amazing. This leaves me feeling re-generated on the next day. I never get my afternoon lows anymore and seem to have a consistent amount of energy throughout the day.

Another thing about yesterday is that I think that I was able to put a bit more space between myself and society’s reaction to the pandemic. In other words I discovered a greater level of empathy for the fears of others. Each person’s reaction is their own, they are concerned with self preservation, they are concerned about those that they love. I don’t need to find fault with the reaction of others. What I can continue to do is to become more comfortable with my own response.

Being at Red Hill is ideal for this. There is a certain self imposed isolation that isn’t enforced and as such does not have the power to negatively influence your emotions.

Kaye might go back today but I’m tossing up that she will stay for another night. Either way I’m happy.

Monday January 10, 2022

I have just become aware of how much I am walking to the beat of a different drum than the majority of my fellow travellers. From my viewpoint the world appears to have gone crazy, compliant to generalities and opinion and even worse, more polarised than I can remember in my lifetime. 

The New Normal sucks and I want no part of it.

I will state here that I acknowledge that there has been and is a nasty virus sweeping the globe. Chances that it is a man made virus seem to be quite strong but that’s another story. Over the past 2 years the virus has mutated as virologists and epidemiologists knew it would. There are always different circumstances with mutations but essentially what is currently happening is predictable. The official policy stance towards the virus from most western governments has been compromised by a mixture of incompetence, vested interests and creation false confidence in the general populace. An example of this is that apparently the CDC in the USA have hired a PR firm to create a perception that they have everything under control which is so far from the truth that it isn’t funny.

Amazingly, the majority of people have willingly given up their hard earned right to speak freely, to have different opinions based on varied sources, to come to their own conclusions and to act on them as they see fit. 

Economies have been ripped apart. It appears that the rich got richer and the poor got poorer. A whole generation of young people have been shackled with social restraints that may negatively shape social activities for the next 20 years. People’s trust in each other has diminished and in some cases the reaction to the pandemic has brought out the worst in many people.

My goals on a personal basis are to live a happy, healthy stress free life and to enjoy the company of my family and close friends. To pursue my own creative endeavours and to get inspired wherever and whenever I find inspiration. On the level of my greater circle of friends and associates and all of mankind I would like to think that I can inspire at least some people by my actions and the products of my endeavours.

My Birthday Party

A change to my birthday party. As usual I’ve jumped the gun. I won’t go into it here but I realized last night that I am walking to the beat of a different drum and after a couple of responses to my text I have decided to postpone the big party I was planning and organise a joint birthday party for both Georgie and I (her 60th and my 70th) later in the year when the virus has been beaten down and has submitted to the superior power off mankind. I got all excited and then realized that there is still loads of trepidation, uncertainty and fear surrounding Covid and I don’t want to put anybody in a comprising situation. Stay tuned later in the year when the world has returned to normal for another invitation.

Sunday January 9, 2022

It’s after 2 pm and I’m just sitting down to write. This morning’s schedule went out of whack with our new urge to go outdoors as soon as we opened our eyes. The focus is now on the circadian rhythm, the natural powers of the sun and the eyes and brain. We’ve even been for a 2 hour walk.

I’ve just spent the last hour or so preparing food for Finn and getting his Vitamins ready for the next 2 weeks, next up it is time to prepare all of the powders … magnesium, C, zinc etc.

I’ve also started the broccoli seed sprouts up again. My first batch were a complete failure. More effort, more detail.

To be honest I’m feeling a bit worn out but I’m sure I can get over that pretty quickly if I put a bit of effort into it.

Saturday January 8, 2022

I’m getting good sleeping scores but my nights are a bit like going to work in a factory. Our poor old lumpy mattress is 22 years old, I had to battle for it when we bought it back in the early 2000s. Georgie wanted something cheaper. We are back in the same position again. I have a firm belief in the mattress being a huge investment for our health. On top of the inferior, dilapidated mattress my dreams are challenging. never what you would call pleasant and I wake several times during the night to urinate yet I generally get a pretty damn good sleep score on my Oura ring, which I trust by the way. I’ve got a few aches and pains going on these days, maybe from old age, maybe from walking, maybe from not stretching throughout my life and maybe from a sloppy spine, I am not certain of the reason.

I sure as hell am pushing myself to do all the right things with lifestyle and supplements. Maybe I could do better, maybe I can do a bit more research. Knowledge is golden.

My birthday is coming up in less than 4 weeks so I’d better get my invitations out quick smart. I’ll send a preliminary e-mail to a tentative list today to get the ball rolling.

I am turning 70 on February 5, the planets have aligned so my birthday falls on a Saturday. We talk about having a party every year but I always leave it too late and chicken out, hence this tentative e-mail invitation. I’ll send a more formal one a bit later.

For now all I want to do is to let you know that you are invited and that it will be celebrated at my home in Mooroolbark (10 Mountain Drive). I have no idea how many people I will invite so to play it safe we’ll probably start at 2 pm and have “finger food” so if you are coming please let us know if you have dietary requirements. I come from a family of “special needs eaters” so I understand. In terms of the current Covid situation I’ll really need to let you know that there will be both vaccinated and unvaccinated people attending. If this is a barrier for you I fully understand. We might even be able to set up different areas, our place is big enough and we have lots of outdoor spaces. Just let me know whether you plan on coming. Another thing is that masks will be optional. Who would have ever thought that we would be in this weird and unique situation! If it’s hot you are welcome to bring swimming gear and jump in the pool.

I would love you to come and help me celebrate what will hopefully be the gateway to many more years of this wonderful life I am having the honour of living.

OK. So the ball is now rolling. I’ve sent our quite a few tentative invitations to my birthday so no matter what, I have to do it now.

Friday January 7, 2022

Alt Centrism : Idealism Without Illusions

Just the other day a friend told me I was right wing, this was like being slapped in the face but at the same time it was a reminder that the current wokeness of extreme left is not something that I embrace.

I have pretty much always considered myself to be more politically left wing than anything else and my voting style has reflected this.

I am now on the cusp of my seventh decade and while I am still a firm believer in fluidity I also believe that I am more pragmatic than I have been in the past and that my rose coloured glasses have come off.

I have little agreement for what is now considered left as well has having little in common with the more traditional right wing view.

So I find myself in the centre which does not mean that I have compromised my more radical views in any way. What it does mean is that I am far more willing to view each situation on its merits more than from a tribal viewpoint.

Wikipedia sums it up quite well but differs in that it calls it radical centrism which sort of works as a tag… “the radical in the term refers to a willingness on the part of most radical centrists to call for fundamental reform of institutions. The centrism refers to a belief that genuine solutions require realism and pragmatism, not just idealism and emotion.” This sort of works for me although I must admit that I still have a tendency to be somewhat tribal.

In the past year or so I have been listening to the views of people who I consider to be educated, articulate and experienced in the fields that they discuss. I try hard to listen to both sides of social issues, science, philosophy even though I will admit that I make my mind up about something and tend to view it primarily from that angle. Sometimes I can become biased. But if I come across an argument that is contrary to my beliefs but convincing I am more than willing to take it on board. I find that this keeps me open to new ideas and doesn’t restrict the flow of knowledge and ideas.

I’m not going to pretend that I know about too many things in depth but I tend to look at information like I do food. It sustains me and gives me the wherewithal to have fresh ideas and viewpoints which sometimes has the potential to lead me to having my own realizations about life and living.

These moments of realisation are very gratifying and form the basis of my current reality.

I would despise being stuck on a viewpoint unless I had almost total certainty that it was true for me. That’s the great thing about life and learning, there is always another layer to peel back to reveal treasures that you never conceived could have existed.

I have noticed that I don’t overtly try to force my viewpoints on others, at least I don’t do this consciously. This doesn’t mean that I do not want to share my beliefs and understanding of life with others. I am more than happy to talk and debate with anyone who is interested. Having said that I am not willing to debate with a person or persons who are stuck on a viewpoint and who do not have the ability to explore other possibilities. To have a meaningful discussion involves respect, compassion and a willingness to listen to the viewpoints of others. As long as they are their own viewpoints and not dogma or data that has been hypnotically implanted and not considered or explored by the individual. In other words “manipulative politically motivated generalities”.

The term “think for yourself” is brandished around in many circles and while I essentially agree with the concept I still believe that you have to have the correct data to evaluate in order to think for yourself and this isn’t always the case.

So yes, I do have viewpoints that fall to the right and I have viewpoints that fall to the left but I am trying hard to be as open as I possibly can to any workable, functional data that can explain phenomena to me.

I am trying hard to apply these principles to the current world situation and the response of mankind to the pandemic and the social, economic, health and philosophical ramifications. At times this is proving to be harder than I would like it to be because there is so much tribalism, polarization, false information (on both sides) and underlying all of this is our ability to assimilate and evaluate knowledge and “understand scientific evaluation. Like anything, the outcome of discovery can be bent to serve the master wielding the power.

Last night I listened to a discussion by 3 doctors who all seem to be intelligent and objective. I’ve put a link to the podcast below. I’m doing this to attempt to show an example of what I consider a meaningful debate to be.

Thursday January 6, 2022

The world appears to be on the cusp of having a hissy fit and going slightly crazy over its reaction to Covid and the highly irrational need to be vaccinated. In Australia this morning the worlds number 1 tennis player was held by border police, questioned about his vaccination status and put on a plane out of Australia. In France, the French President has openly admitted that he has a goal to “piss off” unvaccinated people.

All of this uncalled for hysteria is finally making me feel very, very uncomfortable. It is now obvious that there is some sort of plan afoot to not back down on the irrational drive to continue to vaccinate people even though it is now a known fact that the booster shots will not protect them against the omicron variation of Covid and that there are significant risks attached to the novel nRNA vaccinations that have taken the world by storm. I’m tempted to stop reading the newspapers but at the same time I need to stay abreast of the drivel that they are disseminating.

 Unfortunately it looks like we are walking head on into a shit storm of stupidity and irrationality.

Yet here I am, healthy and happy and as yet unscathed by Covid. I am not going to pretend that I am not concerned about the chances of catching it but I am certainly not terrified and feel very, very confident that I have prepared my body to fight the virus and that my immune system will mount an appropriate response to fight it of without going bat shit crazy and attacking my body.

We are both focusing on our sleep quality at the moment. Georgie’s new OURA ring has modified her response to good quality sleep and she is taking actions to tweak her diet, exercise and stress levels so that she can increase her deep sleep and HRV (heart rate variation). 

I purchased a new pair of Hoka exercise shoes yesterday, got a special price. When I got home I managed to get Finn to come for a walk with me and then went on a longer walk myself. Now I need to get my ass into the sauna. Yesterday was quite a good food day.

We are about to head off to Moorabbin to take a look at mattresses, after more than 22 years we finally both agree that it is now time to invest in a brand new mattress. It is quite possible that our poor old bumpy mattress is full of nasties that are compromising our sleep.

The other thing that I need to get onto today is my birthday. I will make a list and at least start sending out preliminary emails/texts to my friends to let them know that it’s happening. I should also start writing some sort of speech, even though I won’t stick to it when the time comes. I think I would like to not have to worry about numbers so we will be offering finger food as opposed to a sit down lunch. Wow, me turning 70 is

Wednesday January 5, 2022

Many years ago I became quite enamoured with the artworks of John Waterhouse, a famous English Pre-Raphaelite painter. One painting in particular stood out for me “Echo and Narcissus”. That’s it above. I’m not certain what I saw in Waterhouse’s work or for that matter the paintings of many of the other Pre-Raphaelites, the beauty, the dreamlike quality, the general aesthetic, the romance. Overall it was a mixture of all of these qualities.

I didn’t think much back then about the condition called “narcissism”.

Here is the general story of Narcissus. 

In Greek mythology, the son of the river god Cephissus and the nymph Liriope. He was distinguished for his beauty. … However, his rejection of the love of the nymph Echo or (in an earlier version) of the young man Ameinias drew upon him the vengeance of the gods. 

It is said that he was so impossibly handsome that he fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water. Narcissus’ name lives on as the flower into which he was transformed and as a synonym for those obsessed with their own appearance.

These days there is a lot said about narcissism. In modern psychology narcissist is defined in wikipedia as,

Narcissism is a self-centered personality style characterized as having an excessive interest in one’s physical appearance and an excessive pre-occupation with one’s own needs, often at the expense of others.[1][2]

It is human nature to be selfish and boastful to a certain degree. There is a significant difference between healthy narcissism, being self-absorbed and difficult and having a pathological mental illness like Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Narcissism is associated with selfishness and self centreness. arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder.

Here is my take on narcissism.

To have empathy and true love for others one would need to have a certain amount of self love, emotional security and an ability to differentiate oneself from other individuals and objects. To me this shows that one would have to work on the ability to have space between oneself and the world around them. An ability to differentiate and the capability of seeing the needs of others. Most of us were brought up being told to do unto others as you would have them do to you. Each major religion seems to have this as one of its basic tenets.

It isn’t all that easy to be compassionate and caring all of the time but it certainly is rewarding if you can pull it off. It is so easy to think of your own needs first, the more we consume and rely on external stimulation for our happiness the more we can tend to think that the world revolves around us.

Amongst the most fundamental premises that I personally believe to be true are that we should not evaluate for or invalidate others. This would include talking badly about people behind their backs, telling them what is wrong with them without offering some sort of workable solution (for them), manipulating people’s emotions for personal gain, having a viewpoint about how others should conduct themselves or even offering advice that you believe will help the person become more like your own personal concept of how that individual should be from your perspective.

It would also involve looking for the positive things about a person (or situation) and leaving the negatives to sort themselves out. This may not always eventuate but by focusing on the positives you will get more “positive energy” out of the person or whatever situation you find yourself in.

I suppose your best weapon against people obsessed with their own needs is to be able to set boundaries with them, to make it clear what you will or won’t tolerate and to realise that while you probably can’t change the other person you sure as hell can change or improve yourself and your reactions and responses to external pressures and demands.

I suppose that there is a fine line between not caring and not becoming too involved with such people and simply giving them as much love and compassion that is possible for you to give.

I’ve always felt that the ideal situation is to finish an interaction with another person with them feeling a bit better than when it started. I’m not kidding myself though because I know there are times when I am incapable of doing this. Times when I react badly, times when I feel caged in and times when I feel that I must defend myself or my integrity.

It doesn’t really matter all that much what other people think about you as long as you know that you are conducting yourself to the best of your ability and spending some of your energy on self improvement.

We all have intimate and close people in our lives. Family, friends, staff. For me the trick is to do whatever you can to stay in the present when dealing with the other person, adapting to the ever changing scenario that life throws at you and to have no real expectations about what you get back from them. Having said that I also believe that we all have a responsibility to clearly define what we need and want ourselves but with no real expectations placed on the other person. You can always repair things when they stuff up.

I’m not a big believer in analysing situations or having long heart to hearts about what went wrong, even though there is a place for discussions like this at the right time. I personally believe through my own experience that the best way to handle situations that get sticky is to respond with as much compassion as possible and create the shit out of whatever you do have to work with. You always have the choice to cut anybody out of your life if they are too destructive or if their negative energy is detrimental to your survival.

Having said all of that I do acknowledge that there are people who are self obsessed, insecure and who think that their needs come before anyone else. There is no way that I am gong to be able to change these people but I can change the way I respond and react to them and try my hardest to shine a bit of light on the situation.

Tuesday January 4, 2022

Georgie and I watched a new movie on Netflix last night called “Don’t Look Up”. Some people may look upon it as a slightly comedic disaster movie but in the light of mankind’s current response to the Covid pandemic it took on a darkness that resounded with potential lack of hope for the human species. Another movie that we watched recently which was called “Silent Night” also shone a bright light on what can happen when large segments of society comply with the “experts”. I am beginning to hate that word when it is used generically without naming who the experts are, what their credentials are and what scientific papers or modelling that they are basing their expert opinions on.

Maybe some smart teacher should package up these 2 movies with a few David Attenborough documentaries to educate students in the early years of their life.

I’m starting to view what is happening in our society as straight forward evil. Initially I had thought that our common reaction to the pandemic may have been based on incompetence and panic but as I uncover more and more data the truth is looking insidious. Well intentioned scientists, PHDs, researchers and doctors are being maligned and cancelled by social media platforms, their peers, politicians and the watchdogs of big pharma. The strategy is so obvious that it hurts. This is exactly the same rule book that all despotic political leaders, cult leaders and big business/law have used as far back as I can find. You just have to study Mao’s Cultural Revolution to see what happens when you cancel dissent and any criticism, no matter how well meaning it may have been.

Our modern western society has fought hard over the past couple of hundred years to be able to embrace freedom of speech, varied opinions, debate, questioning of other pathways and beliefs. This open discussion ferrets out the psychotics, heretics, vested interests and purveyors of generalities and downright lies. It lays bare the facts, often from both sides, so they can be analysed and tested.

The way we are operating as a society right now puts this open debate into imminent danger. The horrible thing is that a large percentage of people are falling for it. Not only that but many are applauding it. Their new weapon is the word “mis-information”, a magic word that has evolved over the past couple of years that has the same power that the word “communist” had back during the years of the Cold War. All you need to do is to call a person a purveyor of mis-information and they are pretty much instantly cancelled.

I weep for mankind. I cry tears of despair wondering how so many people have been captured by the manipulation of big tech media, big pharma and politicians who are teetering on the brink of being comedians or even worse lackeys under the control of the new powers that be.

Maybe I’m just a cynic. Maybe I am out of step with the new reality that has taken hold. Maybe I am wrong and censorship and suppression of discussion is the way to go. You can call me what you want but I am holding on to my own reality as much as I am intellectually able. 

I am trying hard to remain compassionate toward my fellow humans. People in Australia seem to be obsessed with testing for Covid, which for all I know could be the right thing to do and are being ripped off by the private sector and being forced to pay extravagant prices for the Rapid Antigen Test that are now making millions for their manufacturers. I have no doubts that this Omicron variation of Covid still hits hard but all signs point to the fact that the chances of dying from it are greatly decreased. I’m hoping that my immediate family and myself can escape a bad dose, as we have so far. We are certainly taking as many precautions as possible and have a very strict Covid prevention regime which we follow religiously and daily. As yet none of us have needed to be tested.

Monday January 3, 2022

After 2 nights at Red Hill I have the rather fortuitous conundrum of why my deep sleep has gone out the roof. 2 hours and 20 minutes 2 nights in a row.

We are now going to have to really put a lot of attention on getting our bedroom at home set up so it is more conducive to good sleep, which it obviously isn’t at the moment.

Our stay down here has been very relaxing. We haven’t spent any extra money on food and have used quite a lot of produce from our garden. I would love to have chickens at home this year but I really have to think this through as it may have more negatives than positives.

Finn is still at Bairnsdale and A is in Melbourne.

We return home today until December 9 which is next Sunday and then return to Red Hill for about one week.

I’m not going to waste time this morning thinking of stuff to write about because we are here to do things in real time, not write about them.

Sunday January 2, 2022

Melaspas at Villa Tusk

Article from Bali Now (Oct 2019)

It seems there is a ceremony for everything in Bali! Another ceremony you’ll find on the Island of the Gods is a house blessing ceremony, known locally as Melaspas.

This involves a priest, prayers and offerings that will cleanse every corner of the house and its compound. The Melaspas ceremony is mandatory before moving into a new home, office, shop factory etc.

In Bali, there is a constant battle between good and evil. Prayers, rituals and ceremonies therefore not only aim to invite or thank positive forces, but also aim to placate negative forces.

A Melaspas Ceremony is done to cleanse a new building before it is used; the name comes from two words: mela meaning bad or negative; and pas, meaning to purify or cleanse. This is done by removing the bhuta kala (negative elements) through bhuta yadnya, 

Whilst rituals like the daily offerings of canang in small shrines, on the roads etc, are done by the everyday people, a Melaspas Ceremony must be done by a priest. Depending on the size of the building, or indeed the status of the one needing the ceremony, the Melaspas can be done by a pemangku (temple priest) or by a pedanda [pedande] (high priest).

The priest, along with his or her helper, will present many offerings (banten), often near the building’s shrine. The priest will chant and pray out loud, his prayer bell constantly ringing within the walls.

However other elements are found during the melaspas: the ceremony re-incarnates all the inanimate objects that have been cut down, mined, and forged, in the house, bringing them back to life. The wood, stone, tiles and thatch are symbolically unified to become a whole, living entity.

The many baskets of offerings, from canang sari to full banten.

Of course, the rituals around the island are not 100% uniform, in different areas you may find a slightly different version.

In Ubud, for example, the Melaspas Ceremony involves the future inhabitants to walk around or to all corners of the property, bringing offerings on their heads, or using cleaning tools to ‘sweep’ the house to symbolically clean the inside area.

At the end of the ceremony, everyone is invited to pray together. Then, if all the rituals were completed correctly, the house will be cleared from bhuta kala and will be blessed with good fortune.

Today

Well, I didn’t win the millions I postulated last night but I did get a very good night’s sleep. There is something very relaxing about sleeping at Red Hill plus the mattress is very, very comfortable unlike our poor old King size geriatric number at home. 2022 is the year of the new mattress. I’ll need to get into some serious research ASAP.

Today

We went for a swim in the bay yesterday at Safety Beach, the first in years. The water was surprisingly mild and the experience very pleasant. I’m pretty certain we will end up back there today.

I have resigned myself to the way our society has responded to the pandemic and vaccination. There is no way that I would try to convince anyone that the government has approached the pandemic from a warped viewpoint, one that doesn’t take the bodies natural responses into account or even the health of people. That’s the way of the world and once again it has been proven conclusively that people will comply if the narrative is presented to them in a convincing manner.

We are still down at Red Hill with Melanie and Trinidad. This is going well.

Saturday January 1, 2022

It’s here. 2022. If it was 100 years ago we would be entering the era of the Roaring 20s, the Spanish Flu would have been petering out and the world was full of optimism. The same cannot be said about this moment in history. Even though the pandemic is more than likely over the narrative does not communicate the reality. All our leaders and their followers are concerned about is getting their third vaccination even though it is now common knowledge that the efficacy isn’t all that great. Funny world.

We spent New Year’s Eve at home with Melanie and Trinidad and now we are down at Red Hill for a couple of days with the same 2 people. Finn is at Bairnsdale and A is in Melbourne.

I’m in a good place, cancer has gone for now and I’m optimistic that it has departed for good. This is the year that I will set the foundations for the rest of my life. I noticed yesterday that my brain is crisper and clearer than it has been for years, that’s a good thing. Three years of hard and consistent work has paid off with dividends. It is a good place to be, all the hard work has been done and now it’s about maintenance and tweaking.

The best gift I could give myself is winning several million dollars tonight in the Tattslotto draw and yes, I have bought a ticket.

Here’s to a good year.

Friday December 31, 2021

We opened our eyes looking at the ceiling of a caravan this morning. I woke at 5am with a pain in my left leg and a potential cramp that didn’t eventuate and started listening to a podcast by Whitney Cummings with Rita Von Teese. Not sure how much I heard but I wafted from dreams to podcast for the next 90 minutes or so.

The drive to Bairnsdale was smooth and uneventful, we listened to a Dark Horse/Brett Weinstein podcast on the subject of Vitamin D. Georgie drove from Sale.

I brought my 1970 Fender Bassman Amp head down to Bairnsdale for Damo to take a look at. He has a garage of amplifiers all at various stages of their lives plus various cabs and capacitors, speakers, guitars and soldering irons.

Finn settled in quickly, donned his new VR headset and danced like a stoned marionette while playing virtual reality games unaware that other people might be able to see him and wonder!

Georgie and I went for a walk along the Silk Jetties at about 6.30pm. What a strange and wonderful place this is. A pencil thin strip of land between a river and lake with small properties surrounded with water on both sides. The perfect place for a holiday, it feels like I imagine Louisiana might feel. I was fascinated by the location a few years ago when we first discovered it and still am.

We will head back to Melbourne around 11am to celebrate New Years Eve at home. A quiet night without too much social responsibility. It looks like it will be a hot day and a hot night. Tomorrow we are off to Red Hill, maybe in time to visit the market.

This morning’s gripe is about my inability to have enough confidence about my guitar playing when it comes to other people. I easily feel good about it when I am on my own but as soon as there its another person I freeze and introvert. This has to come from some deep seated insecurity that is imbedded deep in my psyche. It is something I can work on next year.

I spoke to A last night. She seemed to be doing better and didn’t sound so lonely.

So lonely now I’m on my own

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Monday December 13, 2021

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Sunday December 12, 2021

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Saturday December 11, 2021

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Friday December 10, 2021

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Thursday December 9, 2021

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Wednesday December 8, 2021

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Tuesday December 7, 2021

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Monday December 6, 2021

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Sunday December 5, 2021

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Saturday December 4, 2021

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Friday December 3, 2021

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Thursday December 2, 2021

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Wednesday December 1, 2021

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Tuesday November 30, 2021

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Monday November 29, 2021

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Sunday November 28, 2021

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Saturday November 27, 2021

You can’t always get what you want! Simple words immortalised by Mick Jagger decades ago. Put words to music and give them a melody and you will enshrine them in perpetuity.

Those words speak true in our society at the moment. Some of us want security, some of us want the threat of dying from a virus to go away, some of us want our government to protect us and take responsibility for the perceived threats, some of us want reason and an opportunity to think critically and weigh the odds. Some of us may believe that what we want is more valid than the next person’s needs and wants. This all depends upon the viewpoint and sources of information.

One thing that I am certain about is that as a collective, mankind is a danger to the overall health and survival of the human race and the wonderful planet upon which we live. We wait for the shit to hit the fan and then bitch about having to clean it up. We lack foresight and as such never seem to plan for the inevitable. We wait for the cancer to take control until we accept that we may have been preparing the soil for it to grow in for decades and then we wail and cry out that life has done us an injustice.

I’m also guilty of this.

Today I am going to another protest rally against my state government’s vaccine mandates and pandemic policies. The debate in our society is going strong but the logic being applied is that of third grade kids. Possibly well intentioned but naive at the same time. On one side we have the majority who firmly believe that the government and pharmaceutical companies have their best interests at heart and on the other side there are the sceptics who may not all agree on the same agenda but who have a deep seated belief that we are being duped. I’m on that side of the fence.

These last 2 years have shown me all over again how susceptible the human race is to accepting any old false information as long as it feels like it is protecting them. I much prefer healthy scepticism, a look don’t listen approach.

It takes a long time, relatively speaking, to knock a body off it’s perch and it also takes a quite a while to make a species extinct. But we continue to try very hard and walk slowly toward the cliff’s edge.

Friday November 26, 2021

8 am on a cold, grey and slightly windy morning at Red Hill. The gardeners arrived a few minutes ago so our tranquility has been shattered.

I had another one of my cryptic horror dreams last night. It’;s all about a feeling of terror, of being victimised by a powerful bully who has some sort of life and death control over me. I never seem to remember the details of the dream but it gets scary enough to wake me up. I’m certainly not a super hero in the dream.

“Hi Jude Guess what! Georgie is having a lunch with some girlfriends on Wednesday, guess who the cook is? Yep, it’s me. So looks like it’s my turn to take a rain check. I’ll be pretending to be the hired help, cook and waiter. Is there another day that you have. We came to Red Hill late yesterday to get the house ready for new guests who are arriving today. Pretending that we are on a holiday … haha. We are heading back to Melbourne at 11 for my HBOT and then taking Georgie’s Mum to Dr Eng. Are you on the CCC facebook page, I’ve asked people to write references for him. The more good news that bastards receive maybe the easier they will go in him. Plus, getting feedback from his patients mighty lift his spirits.”

Thursday November 25, 2021

We are going back down to Red Hill today sometime in the middle of the day.

I had a carb party yesterday to celebrate my one year anniversary of being diagnosed with cancer and consequently beating it. The biggest cheat day I have had in years. 3 potato cakes and 3 slices of very good quality white bread. Doesn’t seem like too much but for me that equated to more carbs than I have had since mid 2019. Back to the drawing board today.

I started the day with HBOT. I had lunch with Allissa, a long walk on my own and to top things off I had a 30 minute phone conversation with John Sullivan, which in itself was unusual.

I think that my best use of my time today with be to get a bit of planning done. I’ll take my guitar and computer down to Red Hill and do some work on recording and make a checklist for Kaye.

AS an addendum to my earlier comments on carbs I’;ve just checked my Oura ring metrics for last night and I’ve had the worst night on record. 9 mins deep sleep, over hot body temps, low HRV. Nothing went right. Plus I feel tired and stale this morning.

Christmas is one month away as of today. We’d better start planning. I’ve just sent a message to Trinidad to ask him and Melanie.

I’m sitting here staring at the screen trying to wring out more words, more thoughts but I’m afraid there’s nothing much there today. 

I’m stuck between nothingness and eternity.

Wednesday November 24, 2021

Today marks the one year anniversary of those words “I’m so sorry, you have cancer.”

It was early afternoon on a sunny Tuesday and I entered the doctor’s room with a sense of smugness garnered from my perceived health that I had been building for almost 2 years.

I wasn’t shattered by the words but at the same time I was surprised and dumbfounded and as today has no real significance to anybody but myself so it was on that day 365 spins ago. As pain is a very personal thing and only you can experience it so was this. With pain you can attempt to create words to describe it to somebody else, my solution with this news was to fantasize about a grand and fabulous funeral that I would orchestrate before I died. I look back on that now with a smile on my face and a sense of “love” for myself.

The funeral didn’t come to be and it won’t for many years because I chose a different and a somewhat more sustainable path. I chose to continue to live, to understand what cancer is, to create a road out of the crisis that had temporarily consumed me.

I have written many words about what I did over the past year, how I felt, the obstacles, the journey, the frustration, the optimism and the power that beating my new enemy afforded me.

A year down the track I’m feeling pretty smug, happy with myself but still, I am under no illusions that life is now a constant creation that I have to earn, one that needs to be worked on every day, never letting my guard down or slacking off and leaving my circumstances to fate.

I now have a daily protocol. One that isn’t set in rock but one that nonetheless I subscribe to in a more than abstract manner. I’m a bit like an ageing car mechanic who knows that the 1952 classic needs work, care and love to keep going and if the right amount of tweaking is done it just might go better than it did back in the day.

I’m also very aware of the love that my inner circle have for me. Maybe all you need is to know is that they want you to stay and that they will give you whatever support they can.

All in all, this year has given me a greater appreciation  and love for life and if I allow myself to get a bit objective to myself I believe that I have become a better person. I sure as hell don’t take each breath for granted and as such I get to experience the moments that make up my life far more fully.

This flicker of existence in the sea of foreverness, this unique composite of having a body, memories, aspirations, abilities, friends, family and loved ones, a sense of beauty, an opportunity to create …. all the things that make me ME is pretty cool and magical.

It matters to me and I am more than happy to continue for as long as my vehicle and sense of wonder is sustainable.

Tuesday November 23, 2021

One of the big problems with religion is that it offers a great deal of hope for the future, or should I say false hope By this I mean the future that happens after we die. In some ways that’s sort of comforting but, and a big but it is, this hope also has the potential to take away a persons efforts to live the very best life possible right now. Forever is a long, long time and 80 years is but a blink of an eyelid in comparison. Don’t get me wrong, I’m certain that there are many people who are being good and even those who have such a strong sense of serving others that they dedicate their lives to helping, even at times to their own detriment.

The point is that from where I stand most religions seem to be about salvation, protecting yourself against eternal damnation or even worse, eternal amnesia or even worse than that, eternal non existence and to make matters even worse there is the anticipation of loss. Loss of loved ones, position and power, possessions, memories. Who is willingly going to give up the items on that list?

So the great religions of the world give solace and hand the responsibility for all of the suffering and pain to the mysterious man named God.

Imagine if God was really a pimply kid sitting in his basement playing video games while smoking weed and munching on potato chips and consequently imagine that in this scenario you are but a character in the game he is playing. Where is the autonomy and self respect in that picture?

Better to just make the most of what you are certain that you have and wait for the roll of the dice when it happens on that day when you exit your body down the track.

Will you find yourself in a montage of Heironymous Bosch’s “Garden of Earthly Delights” or will it be unconsciousness like when you have a general anaesthetic or maybe there will be the tunnel with the light at the end or simply a flash of awareness that is fleeting but intense which then gets overcome by amnesia? After scratching my head in regard to heaven I’ve decided that this one isn’t a workable option, there are far too many variables.

Whatever awaits the one thing that is certain is that each moment is different than any before it, this moment is different, it’s now.

Monday November 22, 2021

I missed my writing window this morning a) because I spelt in until 8 am and b) because I went out to the veggie garden to enjoy the sun and got stuck there.

I suppose I can forsake doing anymore right now as there is nothing I feel all that needy to write about.

Spent time with John and Flora yesterday, walked with Finn … overall a lazy day.

Sunday November 21, 2021

When I opened my eyes this morning I was already feeling agitated. This affected my reaction to the first words that Georgie spoke even though they weren’t even malevolent in any way. The reason for my discontent was the mainstream reaction to yesterday’s demonstrations against Victoria’s vaccine mandates and the proposed Pandemic Bill. I felt that everybody who attended yesterdays rally was being gaslighted by these invisible people who write what their editors instruct them to or those who allow the social pressure to conform to instruct their output of so called news.

What the media reported was a disconnect from what happened. Calling the crowd “right wing” “religious extremists” “rabid anti-vaxxers” was so far from the truth. The diversity amongst the demonstrators was as great as you would see at Chadstone Shopping Centre at the Boxing Day sales. I don’t know who these people who marched beside me were but I was sure as hell pleased that they were there and that for whatever reason they have disagreements with being forced to be vaccinated, to agree to the current mandates that force citizens to be vaccinated in order to attend their jobs, to believe unsubstantiated data about the efficacy and safety of the vaccinations, to not be allowed to go to a hairdresser and get a haircut, to be put in a position where they are branded with names and tags that in no way demonstrate their beliefs or reflect who they are.

I was lucky enough to be born into a democratic society where I have had the right to my own views, opinions, my right to be healthy or unhealthy, my right to drink alcohol or abstain. My right to seek out my own information on any subject and base my views, actions and opinions on what I believe to be either true or workable. My life has always been about choices and the freedom to generate my own opinions and to debate my viewpoints if I see fit to do so.

I will be OK no matter what because I have had the freedom to create a lifestyle that works for me. 

But not so for my children who are still young, who are being subjected to group think, who are being ostracised for being individuals who think for themselves and who I am proud of for standing by up their own integrity. Willing to give up the social comforts and privileges that seem to be so important to their peers and to which the label “freedom” is being attached. This morning I watched our Premier equate freedom with going to the pub, a restaurant, a crappy musical of Harry Potter or the bloody Boxing Day cricket.

We are as a society once again in a position where the blind are leading the blind. Where unwarranted trust is more important than putting yourself out to look at as many facts and viewpoints as possible, where what others think about you and say about you really matters more than your own self respect and integrity.

If people want to watch reality shows on television portraying greed, deception, spitefulness and such, if they choose to listen to commercial radio stations that blast out 30 minutes of advertisements for every song played or push the opinions of commentators and call back opinions, if they decide to queue at Kentucky Fried Chicken for some tasty but toxic treat, if they get fatter and fatter eating processed foods that have no nutritional value, if they don’t give a shit about the future of our planet and the effects of climate change on our children and future generations and if they choose to receive an untested or fully approved vaccination to hopefully protect themselves then that is their right. We live in a society where we do not have to agree with each others lifestyle choices.

All we can do is to inspire each other and live the best lives that we can.

At this point in time it cannot be substantiated that as an unvaccinated person I am a greater risk to my fellow citizens than my neighbour who is vaccinated. There are so many other factors, protocols and disciplines that come into play and which I won’t go into here. 

Just because it seems to be expeditious for politicians to offer a false sense of security to their constituents does not mean that I or anyone else should be forced to subscribe to the shaky foundations upon which their arguments and rationalisations are built. 

If a placebo is what is needed to get our society through the current pandemic crisis then so be it as long as this placebo is not forced on those who choose to take their own measures.

We all have to be responsible. We are all obliged to constantly take the safety of others into account. We are all subject to social restraints about the way we conduct ourselves in the presence of others. I’m sure we all agree on the Christian tenet of “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. 

Isn’t that enough?

As a footnote. I just watched a podcast which stated that the American FDA has lodged a legal request to the Federal Courts to withhold the research papers that show the ingredients of the Phizer Covid vaccination for 55 years. You can watch this for yourself and work out what you think about this and its potential implications.

Saturday November 20, 2021

We are off to a demonstration in the city this morning against the draconian Victorian government Pandemic mandates and potential new laws that they that attempting to pass. This is the first mass demo that I have been to since 1970 when I marched in the Vietnam Moratoriums. What is happening around the world at this moment in time is frightening and the potential for people to lose their hard earned freedoms seems to be at stake. The balance between sanity and group think is unfortunately weighted on the group think side with heavy censorship being enforced and suppression of open discussion becoming the norm. It is beyond my comprehension that we as a society have ended up in this fragile position. I have to do something about it.

I had a fabulous oxygen session yesterday and went for a couple of walks, food wasn’t great but it was OK. 

The sun is shining this morning which offers hope for a day of sunshine and warmth.

Finn has agreed to come and Kaye is driving us in. A real family affair.

I watched a BBC documentary yesterday while I was having my oxygen therapy, it was called Our World and was done by the BBC. Watching this documentary reminded me once again of the fragile situation that our planet has been put in by mismanagement by the human species. Our natural evolution as a species and it’s relationship with the perfectly balanced evolution of nature got me thinking about symbiosis.

It seems that everything on this journey has some sort of relationship and it really wasn’t ordained by mankind. We have failed in our stewardship of the miracle that we have been presented with. We have long allowed our leaders and the captains of commerce to make unwise decisions that have tested the natural balance that has evolved over millions of years. Mankind lacks the wisdom and objectivity it so needs to observe the perfection that was created or has evolved through natural selection and a seemingly divine common sense. I acknowledge that I am part of the problem.

Over the past 3 years I have become more and more aware of the bodies ability to heal itself if I simply put the right fuel in it and keep it moving like it was designed to do. It’s not rocket science. Every positive action I take leads to improvement and every negative action I take leads to a denigration of the natural symbiosis that exists between me, my flesh, my cells and whatever divine power animates it all. In the same way our planet has evolved over billions of years to function in a workable manner to support all of the life that exists on it’s surface.

In the same way that the body’s systems break down when it is fed poisons and exposed to toxins the planet does the same.

I don’t have a solution

Dr Eng

I am a patient of Dr Peter Eng. My name is Gary Collier, I am a 69 year old male from Melbourne. On November 24, 2020 I was diagnosed with squamus cell carcinoma (cancer).

My immediate reaction was one of dismay and fear. I was initially directed into the Monash Hospital in Moorabbin where I was under the guidance of Dr James Leung, a plastic surgeon from Dandenong who I consulted after my diagnosis. I underwent 2 surgeries to search for the primary location of the cancer which was not found. It was recommended that I have the lymph nodes in the left side of my neck removed, plus radiation and possibly chemotherapy.

The consulting doctor told me that the cancerous lymph nodes would be removed as well as surrounding lymph nodes and that I would have a “really cool scar” plus other potential complications.

While I believe that the doctors cared I was always left confused after my meetings and feel that the 2 surgeries were possibly an overkill as they achieved nothing.

In mid December 2020 I was told about Dr Eng by another health professional and made an appointment.

During our first consultation I quickly became aware that I had found the best possible medical professional to guide me through my cancer journey. He instilled confidence in me and gave me a sense of relief that I had not felt since my diagnosis.

I commenced treatment with Dr Eng in January 2021

Friday November 19, 2021

When I was around 10 years old I started having a dream, actually it was more than a dream, it was a feeling that was beyond my comprehension and ability to understand. I would wake up with this feeling that was a conundrum to me, it was a concept, a grey shadow that lingered on for many years, one that I never fully connected with, never fully understood. Even though I had a huge desire to do so.

I’ll attempt to put words and meaning to this feeling. 

It was like I had just spent a huge amount of time accomplishing something, whatever it was seemed huge and had needed a lot of work to get done. As I finally approached the final moments I was brutally denied of the rewards of all of my hard work. It was just taken away from me and I had to start all over again. There was always a huge sense of loss at this moment.I would scratch my head for hours or even days after I had this feeling. It was like a taste that wouldn’t go away. It lingered.

Around the same time I started to do my first
“classes” in philosophy. I started pondering my existence, all on my own. What had come before my birth? Was it darkness? What will come after my life is over? Is it darkness?

The concept of nothingness and eternity ruled my teenage years, not all of the time but it certainly became a big part of the next 10 or more years of my life. I finally came to the conclusion that it would be OK to be dead as long as I was aware that I was dead. What really freaked me out was “non-existence”, there was the no reprieve, no second chance, no control, gone forever ….  part of what I was attempting to unravel that really had a big control over me, my reactions and my emotions.

I created a rabbit hole that I went down from time to time. If I went too deep I would be sucked into a vortex of fear and uncertainty. A whirlwind that I had no control over, I just had to surrender to it, the more I rested and fought against it the more power it had over me.

Looking back now albeit with a lack of clarity, I believe that what I may have been experiencing is a crack in my amnesia of the memories and accomplishments of an earlier lifetime. Sure, I would have been a different person, in a different body, with different people around me, a different home and circumstances, accomplishments, fears, idiosyncracies but underlying all of this I was still myself …. whatever that may mean.

The security of existence appeared to me to be anchored by memories, by self awareness, by the idea of individuality, by the viewpoint that once you exist, once you have a point to view from, once you create life then somehow you are indestructible but with a bit of give and take, a few rules that you don’t fully comprehend.

If my reasoning is correct in any way then the amnesia that locks in is a protection against the chaos and confusion it might create when you leave one body and start all over again in a new one. Could this be part of the struggle and suffering that the Buddha eluded to? Starting all over again is a momentous big deal, a bit like a lottery where you never really become fully aware of the value of your prize. 

All I never really know for certain is that I am me and that I do exist and that all that is real is the present moment. Everything else is padding which I do have to admit makes the journey a bit more comfortable and palatable.

What is the purpose of my existence? 

I don’t really believe that there is a pre-ordained purpose or goal to life. Maybe it is all about clawing my way out of a black hole of occlusion and when I finally peer over the rim at the top of my journey out some amazing epiphany will occur but I think not. 

Just the simple act of existence is an immeasurable gift in itself.

Experiencing, enjoying, savouring each moment, which in itself is different is what existence must be about not anticipating the future and what might be about to happen or delving into the past and wishing that you could undo your earlier actions. It could be a bit like anticipating the next mouthful of food when you have an exquisite plate of goodies in front of you. Maybe by looking forward so much to what is to come you cheat yourself out of the enjoyment of what you have.

Other wise men have reached the conclusion that the conditions of existence are “being, doing and having” which in themselves are concepts that deserve a whole lot of scrutiny and thought.

But I will leave that for another day.

Thursday November 18, 2021

I spent most of my day yesterday loading the van and cleaning the driveway. Today I will go to the tip and unload the detritus that has been in the back of the van for ages.

I made a decision yesterday to make an effort to get chemicals out of my life by Christmas time. This will include cleaning products at home and at Red Hill, toiletries and cleansers, personal hygiene products like toothpaste and moisturiser. Then we need to get a mould specialist into the house to check what our situation is and then take action.

I’m at a point in my life now where I have to be willing to give up certain creature comforts that appear to make life easier but which in actual fact add toxicity and harm which are all invisible to the human eye and as such do not seem to impose a threat.

I’ve bounced all over the shop throughout my life on various values but I don’t really have any more excuses left now apart from laziness and irresponsibility.

Wednesday November 17, 2021

For months I have been waiting for Novavax which is a more old school style vaccination based on protein and an adjutant that stimulates the immune system. For me and my basic understanding of the fine line the world is walking on putting all of our trust in a brand new technology of mRNA vaccines it makes far more sense to go with the old school version until loads more research has been done.

From my limited understanding it would appear that the adjutant in the vaccine is needed because the immune system may not react to the protein which it may not see as a threat.

Novavax was created and made in the USA.

Last night I discovered much to my chagrin that an Australian vaccine developer based in Adelaide has been working on a similar vaccine for pretty much the first 2 years of the pandemic and that it is now even approved in Iran, where the clinical tests were performed.

WTF!! How is it that it has taken me this long to even fond out about this? And to make matters worse it appears that the professor responsible for this vaccine may be facing the sack after refusing TGA approved vaccines because he has already been double vaccinated with his own.

How far has Australia gone down the rabbit hole of insanity and what is now looking more and more like political incompetency and potential corruption.

In an article published by the ABC on November 3 it is stated that Flinders medical Centre Director Nikolai Petrovsky has developed a vaccine candidate, Covax 19 which completed Phase 1 trials in August last year. It is based on a protein produced in insect cells. After Phase 2 and 3 trials, it has been approved for use in Iran.

Last night I stumbled across a podcast at Trial Site News which I urge you to view. It goes for quite some time but it is important that as many people as possible know what is happening with both Covax 19 and the Australian company, which by the way is funded by the NIH. It is important that we lift our heads out of the sand and start questioning the actual intent and motivation of our Government.

Why wouldn’t they be celebrating and throwing their support behind Nikolai Petrovsky and his Australian vaccine?

Tuesday November 16, 2021

We’ve just come through the 4 coldest November days on record, which for us is 137 years.

This morning I’m going to do a quick review of my progress in health and life.

I don’t think I am eating as well. I’m still doing time restricted eating pretty well. Average start time is about 1pm and average finish time is around 7 pm. I’d like to amend this to 1pm-6pm.

The quality of the food is still pretty good but overall there is a lack of leafy greens and a bit too much emphasis on healthy treats. I started buying low card treats from the supermarket which really isn’t a good idea. Yesterday I made a whole lot of Keto Nut Granola which I am quite happy with. 

I’m not using the chronometer app at all. It’s just really hard to get the ball rolling again with this but even worse I’ve stopped doing b blood tests. Just did tests, it’s 10am Blood Sugar is 5.9 and ketones are .7, while this is officially mild ketosis it’s far from what I want it to be but maybe I need to do some more research. BS is probably too high though, that’s not good.

I’m not walking as much but having said that I do about 6 hours each week. Do I start trying to do an hour a day or continue the current regime?

I’m seemingly having less saunas but that also seems to be a 90 minute sauna 3 times a week.

I’m really flunking out on my muscle work, a big cross (X) here so I need to either get disciplined and fit it in or find out what’s stopping me.

Sleep is great, I’m getting almost 8 hours each night and above average Oura ring scores. The 2 areas that I scratch my head over are the deep sleep and HRV which is all over the place.

I’ll try taking my supplements earlier in the day instead of just before I go to bed to see if that makes a difference.

I’m losing weight again. I have reached the lowest weight for over 20 years, 80.3 kgs which is 27kgs down from when I started this regimen in February 2019. My scales still tell me that I’m overweight but my body fat is at 23.7%, muscle mass is at 72.4%, bone 3.8% and my BMI is 25.6 which is the closest to normal that it has been for decades.

I spend a decent amount of time writing each day and overall the quality and content is improving. My blog is up to date and getting better.

As far as music goes I’m at about a D. No improvement, I can still noodle but in order to advance I need to do a shitload of study as well as practise.

I’m still making an effort to be well groomed and dress well. Being one of the dispossessed doesn’t help when it comes to hair so maybe I’ll contact Trinidad’s friend, Joe.

Overall, I am well and happy, individually and socially. Life is pretty damn good and I am doing more than I have in decades to keep myself in good shape to move into the future. There are far more positives than negatives in my life. The pandemic hasn’t really impacted me or my freedom that much although I am “angry” at the manner that our society and leaders are approaching it. Things are more polarised than they have been but since the recent demonstrations it appears that there are more people on my side of the fence than I first imagined.

Monday November 15, 2021

I forgot that yesterday was my Dad’s birthday until I received a message from my sister late in the afternoon, early evening. He would have celebrated his 97th birthday if he had still been with us.

I never really, really got to know the man. I knew my Dad, i reacted to him, I tolerated him and at times I had a great deal of empathy for him but I never put myself there for him as somebody he could talk to apart from one poignant discussion we had just before he died.

Helen sent a photo of him surrounded with pallets of seedlings with his overalls on. That was his uniform, overalls. I tried it for a while, a very easy way to dress.

I dreamt about him last night. One of those intense dreams that leaves a taste in your psyche but was sort of fun while it was happening. He got drunk at one point in the dream. My dad wasn’t a great drunk. For reasons unbeknown to me he seemed to lose control. His anger came out or his IQ dropped. I suppose he drank to ease the pain, something I couldn’t have understood when I was younger.

Yesterday

All my troubles seemed ……

Was cold and uneventful. I stayed inside for most of the day where I didn’t really achieve anything apart from doing some writing and having a nice long bath. That’s OK. I played my guitar for a while but couldn’t work out how to record it on Logic Pro so it’s back to lessons.

I got a couple of reactions to my writing from Kaye and Annie. I suppose that I’m at the stage now where I actually want others to read what I have to say. Is it ego? Probably a bit but deep down I think that I just want to share my viewpoints with others. I would still secretly love to have a podcast and chat to people, bring out interesting stories, reactions, perspectives. Maybe I could create a list of questions that will get the ball rolling. I could tweak these as time goes on. I could start with Kaye and then maybe do a Zoom interview with her and Annie asking about life in the suburbs in the 1960s. Whether this would be of any interest to anybody apart from close friends and family I don’t know but who knows it might lead somewhere.

The digital clock on my computer just turned over to 8 am. I’m being predictable this morning and heading off to South Yarra for HBOT. I’m still very optimistic that my brush with cancer is finished but it’s never a good time to let my guard down.

I spoke to Allissa last night. I have just forcefully joined the contrived “anti-vaxxer” club. I have been officially labelled. Somewhat in the same manner that liberal minded Americans were labelled as Communists in the McCarthy days back in the 1950s. How easy is it to be maligned, to be made a scapegoat for untoward things that are happening in and to our society. 

Once again it’s one of those situations where a problem had to be solved and the first solution created another problem which needed a new solution which then went on to create another problem and on and on until society was buried and the original problem was lost in a haze of justifications and lies. 

I have chosen my allies but overall we (my group) are more like pacifists who don’t want to actively get involved in the fighting. We want to understand what is happening, to break it down into its parts, to improve our knowledge based on observation and questions that we ask ourselves. I am willing to look at any viewpoint that could shed some new light on the current conundrum. I have also chosen to align with the people who I trust and who I believe can bring some logic and reason to the table. This may change as time goes on but that’s OK because life is fluid and there is no way that old morals and habits continue to apply to an ever changing story. For example, when I was young being left wing was a badge of honour as far as I was concerned. I even believed that was the case until my eyes opened recently to the fact that “left wing” has been re-defined by somebody for unknown reasons to become so extreme and “woke” that it would be embarrassing to me to be associated with it. This new reality is o far from where I am currently at. I haven’t changed that much or maybe I have and I’m not aware. What has changed is that the so called left wing media has been captured by people who insist on holding an extreme and stuck viewpoint that leaves logic out of the equation. One size fits all!. I hate that philosophy. It cannot work. Just look at communism. Every situation has to be viewed and assessed based on the circumstances surrounding it. 

I have to remember that I am in the minority, even though I surround myself with like minded people so it doesn’t seem that way. I must expose myself to the viewpoints of the majority who I am convinced are caught up in a web of illogic and group think but based on my personal definition of reality I could be wrong. 

What is wrong or right anyway? 

These conclusions can only be viewed from one’s own moral and ethical values, willingness to observe “what is” and based on the knowledge and information that is available and the quality of it. Fact checking is essential and opinionated rants are the opiates that I have to stay away from. They are so addictive because in many ways other peoples opinions that align with your own just act to make us feel more righteous.

The other thing that I must always keep in mind is that for most people what is happening is normal. All they want is an uncomplicated life where they don’t have to get too involved. If they have to give up some of their own freedom or privacy or civil rights then that’s a  worthwhile compromise, a good swap. This mechanism seems to be hard wired and inbuilt into the human species. Controversy and the truth just gets in the way of the next dinner party or shopping expedition.

The Matrix is just a place that we can withdraw to to get away from the harsh realities of conflict and social self discipline, a place where we can live our lives in peace and leave the big decisions up to “politicians, big business and tech conglomerates” who must know better than we do!

Or so the majority have been led to believe.

Sunday November 14, 2021

In a way that is appropriate to the facts and circumstances (and to be expected) I finally had my “baptism by fire” after being hidden away from the bulk of society for close to 2 years. To put this in simple words, I haven’t been mingling with too many people in that period and the people I have seen have been overwhelmingly on the same page as I am. I suppose my level of naivety has increased and my eyes have closed to the harshness of the world.

Georgie and I went to dinner with 2 of her old school friends and their spouses. Good people, people who I have met a few times over the years, seemingly intelligent and well placed in the social strata. In other words, upstanding citizens who you would see at the Camberwell Market on a Saturday morning or who would mingle at a Neil Young concert at a winery in the Yarra Valley.

On the car trip down Georgie and I discussed how we were going to handle any questions about vaccination. We agreed that we would tell the truth and simply say that my doctor had recommended me to wait for Novavax and that Georgie was following my lead. We also decided that we were not going to defend our position and how we would ask politely if we could change the subject if there was any further discussion.

Everything was going pretty smoothly. Earlier in the night one of the men had said something disparaging about anti-vaxxers, I warned Georgie in conspiratal tones. Overall I was a bit quieter than usual and a touch on guard. We spoke about all the “right things” as you do at dinner parties like this. As the night moved on and we arrived at the midway mark of eating our meal one of the husbands said something demeaning about anti-vaxxers. He spoke as if they were an inferior breed of people who were evil and selfish, whose reasons were corrupted by personality disorders. That’s when the conversation heated up and all four of them started verbally attacking these strange people who refused to toe the line. Stories emerged about families that knew who were shattered due to conflicting viewpoints, stories of workers testing positive and people going into isolation for long periods of time. I felt like I was in a cinema watching a scary movie, there was an invisible wall that I put around myself and I sat there smiling like some sort of social retard, I looked across at Georgie and she was making strange noises that sounded like it looks when an Indian person shakes their head up and down and across at the same time so you don’t know whether they agree or disagree.

I felt like a Jew who was having a nightmare that he was at a dinner party with a group of well heeled and seemingly well intentioned Nazis who just happened to see Jews as inferior creatures who should be disposed of. 

Then somebody looked at Georgie and asked her which vaccine she had received. The lag was probably only about 1.5 seconds but it felt like 2 hours and finally she blurted out “Astra Zeneca”. A few other people concurred and said that they had also had this vaccine and went on to tell stories of violent shaking, heart pain, abnormally painful and heavy arms and other horrendous side effects that they and their family members had experienced after being vaccinated. One of the men said “It’s strange how we all have different immune systems” or words to that effect. “What about you?” words tentatively rolled off my tongue that I was OK, no side effects. I’m not a very good social lier and feel pangs of guilt when I am not true to my own beliefs but there was no way that I was going to confess at this point. It was like being some small vulnerable creature surrounded by wolves.

The conversation drifted off to some other subject, maybe conspiracy theorists or something like that and then returned to other subjects. What a sense of relief I felt but unfortunately this relief was tinged by a feeling of disappointment with myself but really there is no point in becoming a social martyr. There are certain debates that you just don’t need to have. The majority of society is on their side. We are the social outcasts, the dispossessed, the outriders not them.

Ironically later in the evening I was having a great discussion with one of the ladies about how it is impossible to change the fluid and ever changing reality of society and the control of social media on people’s viewpoints. She said that she feels it is important to her to look at the other person’s viewpoints and that sometimes she wishes that she could get inside the head of an anti-vaxxer because she simply could just not understand what their motivations or intentions could be. I can’t remember her exact words but they implied that anyone who was against the vaccine was weird and evil.

I should have said “Now is your chance. You are looking at one!” 

I gave it a miss.

Saturday November 13, 2021

I started writing about my 1960s on Thursday morning. memories are now flooding back, it’s funny how certain periods stand out and others just jump out from behind the shadows to give you a bit of a fright like being in the Ghost Train at The Royal Melbourne Show. My life has been relatively mediocre but isn’t that the case for most of us? On the other hand I was pretty busy during the 1960s into the first half of the next decade.

Most of the experiences that happened in the 1960s were due to my guitar playing. It was a series of sliding doors that allowed me to meet a lot of diverse people. 

Memories are funny things. A bit dreamy, a bit abstract. One isn’t always certain that what one recalls is what really happened. I’m convinced that there is a certain amount of embellishment which is why it would be a good idea to keep a journal throughout your whole life.

What my plan is now is to write a list of pivotal moments in the 60s and build on them, flesh them out, even if they are not exactly how they happened.

Peter Eng

On Friday November 12, 2021 I was given the terrible news that the TGA had suspended my doctor, Peter Eng. Peter is an 83 year old saint who doesn’t need to spend his days giving his patients hope and helping people beat cancer and the many other debilitating diseases that are essentially caused by greed and lack of understanding of how our bodies work and what we should be doing to keep them healthy and well. Most other 83 year olds are either locked up in nursing homes or sitting at home reading airport novels and eating scones and in some sad cases being stuck sometime in the past while not even recognizing those who they love.

From where I stand Peter has a driven passion to share his knowledge and personal experience with his patients, young and old to give them the tools and treatments to improve the quality of their lives and in many cases to help them beat their potentially debilitating and fatal diseases.

I ask a question of the reader. “What would you do if your doctor told you that you had cancer? The same could go for Parkinson’s Disease or any one of the crippling diseases that we in this affluent society have wreaked upon ourselves through ignorance, bad luck or just plain personal abuse.

From my own experience, which is all I can talk from this diagnosis is devastating. I went into a spin, fear, acceptance, anger, uselessness, apathy, a desire to fight, a willingness to grasp at any advice that any “expert” is willing to give you.

I’m not going to delve into my own experiences here but needless to say this was one of life “sliding door” moments and I was one of the lucky ones because I went through the right door.

It took me a month to find Peter. Ironically, the person who introduced me to him was Mal Hooper (Oxygen). Even more ironically both of these brave and passionate men have now been attacked by the TGA.

I’ll keep this dissertation as simple as possible but honestly the journey I have been on in the past 12 months has been anything but simple.

First the good news. Because of the help, advice, treatments and support that I received from Dr Peter Eng I am now cancer free and even better, I am confident that with personal discipline and responsibility I can stay that way and live a long and healthy life. I turn 70 in February 2022 and as I approach that milepost I can honestly say that I feel and look better than I have in decades thanks to Dr Eng and the other support team that I assembled to help me navigate my cancer treatment.

I say this with confidence. I say this anecdotally and empirically which is more than enough truth for me. If it hadn’t of been for Dr Eng I would have more than likely still had active cancer which would have possibly metastasized into other parts of my body and eventually killed me.

He gave me hope, confidence, a sense of feeling supported, an ongoing non toxic treatment that helped my own body do it’s job to defeat the angry cancer cells.

From my heart I say “How dare some government body even consider banning this man from trading people like me!”

Governments and bureaucrats have absolutely no god given right to stand between me and a well intentioned doctor who had the fortitude and passion to help me regain my health.

The level of cognitive dissonance that this creates is so immense that it actually hurts physically.

Yes, I am a member of a larger society and yes, I believe that we sometimes need rules to protect us as a group but I scratch my head when I see these same “powers that be” condone alcohol, toxic processed food that poisons our bodies, some pharmaceutical “cures” that create immense side effects all in the name of commerce and profits. I’m not a radical person but I am a person who feels that my health is my own responsibility and I firmly believe that I have the right to pursue whatever treatments that I trust based on the information I have personally studied and that I believe will work for me.

If there were more brave and intelligent doctors in the same mould as Dr Peter Eng our society would be a far healthier place and our hospital beds and government coffers would be in a much better condition.

As individuals who have the honour to live in a free and democratic country like Australia we have the right to choose who treats us and with what they treat us with. All I have ever seen in Dr Eng’s rooms is optimism and hope. The people who I met have all decided to live and are willing to do whatever it takes to stay alive and consequently recover. If not recover fully to at least slow down whatever is affecting them.

Maybe I am a single voice and am powerless against a government body like the TGA but I challenge them to question me and to investigate my own personal journey that I have travelled over the past year.

Friday November 12, 2021

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Thursday November 11, 2021

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Wednesday November 10, 2021

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Tuesday November 9, 2021

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Monday November 8, 2021

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Sunday November 7, 2021

The world is full of conflicting viewpoints and opinions. Ultimately we all have to make up our own minds about our personal choices. To do this we have to have confidence in our ability to sift through data and information and try out the actions that appear to be logical and based on actual observation and then trial and error. While I firmly believe that we can learn from those who came before us we also need to do a bit of work on first principle thinking as well as anecdotal observations of the actual results that we personally attain.

The more I look at new ideas and principles the more I can feel a certain confidence in my own ability to garner useable knowledge that works for me. This doesn’t mean that I’m stuck on anything forever. There is no “be all and end all”. Knowledge is fluid, people keep observing new manifestations and solutions to old problems. You’ve got to be pragmatic to keep growing. You have to stay open to the flow of information coming at you and even more importantly you need to try new ideas out on yourself to ascertain their workability. Maybe even more importantly you then have to apply self discipline to the application of what you believe gets positive results for yourself, that’s the only real test. Continued application. You also need to record the results as a record to look back on when you come across something new that may work better.

Testing, measuring and recording are crucial as these results help you make choices and know that you are on the best possible path based on your current knowledge and ability.

I’d say that throughout my life that I have been easily influenced by the viewpoints of others. Sometimes in a positive manner and at other times negatively. There’s nothing quite like a good presentation to convince you that somebody else might have a more workable path than you currently have.

I believe that while dipping your hat to the past, your earlier knowledge and experiences, that you must be willing to constantly re-assess virtually everything. Realities change constantly. Who is to say what worked yesterday will work just as well tomorrow. Life is a bit like running a gauntlet. New challenges and openings are always going to appear. Old solutions and leanings may not serve you well in different circumstances. I suppose that is what living in the present is all about. Old policies and rules are only useful as long as they continue to work and to act as a guide for you to achieve your goals and purposes. Locking yourself into old habits and ways of thinking can potentially restrain you from forward growth.

It’s sometimes hard to break old habits, especially the ones that you don’t even know that you have created along the way. That is why self observance has to be given some time each and every moment of your life. 

Can you be outside yourself and also be looking out from where you are at the same time? I just got a glimpse that this is self awareness, a bit like when you meditate and act as an observer to your own thoughts, noise and turmoil. Before you can change anything you first need to observe what you need to change. Maybe the simple act of honestly observing in itself is enough. What are your motivations, your intentions, what are you reaching for, what is your purpose?

I’m pretty happy where I have arrived at this point in time. There is still much to be learned, loads of adventures to be had, huge amounts of pleasure to be experienced.

Saturday November 6, 2021

We are finally back home. Power is back on and Finn has some friends around, the sun is shining and there are no immediate issues threatening our survival.

Funny thing is that I have that nagging feeling I sometimes get of looking over my shoulder waiting for the “shit to hit the can”. It is some old imprint that I manufactured at some point in my life. I don’t think I could pinpoint it, can’t say that I really want to. 

We are heading to Carlton in a few minutes for me to see my radiologist Dr Sam Leung. The last interaction I had with him was about ivermectin, he’s a good guy so I don’t want to get into any unnecessary controversies. I’ll just have my checkup and then Georgie and I will go for a walk in Melbourne’s inner north. Talking about inner Melbourne, Allissa and I went for a walk yesterday afternoon and ran into Malcolm from the Tofu Shop. I first met him in 1983 almost 40 years ago. His little shop has stayed true to it’s values and is still much the same as it was back then. That was good to see.

I’m sitting in out updated kitchen courtyard, surrounded by veggies and plants, wind blowing the leaves, birds calling in the air, butterflies alighting the silverbeet. I don’t have too much to complain about.

Friday November 5, 2021

How do you go about mending bridges when the factors in the fractured relationship are obscured by unknown forces and potential cognitive dissonance?

When a person doesn’t “look” but does “listen” there are strong chances that what they are listening to may be based on false assumptions.

Wars have been kindled and fought because of communication breakdowns fractured by opinionated yet unfounded discussions over the “real intentions” of the protagonists.

It could also be based on matters of principle which are built on weak foundations.

Then there is the mystery. The “why”. It is so easy to fill a vacuum of uncertainty with invented assumptions.

So, I’ve answered my own question. The only way a bridge can be mended so it can once again carry “things” from one side to the other is by direct communication/action. The right questions and good listening skills. 

But underlying all of this one has to ask the question “Is it worth putting the energy, time and resources into mending this broken bridge?”.

Then on the other hand it is also possible that time will heal the broken bridge. A bit like a pinched nerve that hurts so much that you are bent over in pain. The body will more than likely eventually heal the inflammation that exacerbates the problem and slowly, ever so slowly things will return to normal and then down the track the pain is just a faint and distant memory.

The pattern repeats itself throughout history. Nations go to war and kill tens of thousands of each others citizens and then 50 years down the track they are allies with no animosity or even conscious memory of what went down in the past. Friendships collapse, some are rebuilt, rekindled so that energy and light emanate once more but then there are others where the fuel is simply too damp to re-ignite.

To finish, maybe there are even times when the bridge ceases to serve a purpose and the bridge is no longer needed.

It’s all a matter of observation, necessity, weighing up the pros and cons.

Thursday November 4, 2021

We are at Red Hill. I had a good nights sleep but woke with a more painful back than I expected. I did a lot of heavy lifting last Thursday and obviously did some damage to my lower back, there has to be a pinched nerve which is being exacerbated more and more every day. I need to rest it and not move hardly at all today. I’ll do a bit of research to see what the best way of handling it is.

Who knows, maybe there is a cascading effect going on and my dental work and nerve pain in my mouth is disrupting other systems in my body. Whichever way you look at it I haven’t had this happening for well over 3 years. Yuk.

Apart from that it is a pretty beautiful day and looks promising to stay that way.

Wednesday November 3, 2021

Georgie’s birthday is a done deal until next year when she turns 60.

Yesterday was pretty much a success. We slept at Kayes, I got up early and went into Kaye’s kitchen where I had already set up my cooking implements and food. Over the next 3 hours I prepared enough food for the party, actually far too much food for the party! The main thing I’d like to remind myself of though is that I was relaxed, didn’t panic and got everything done in time to then drive back home to our electric-less house and set up the food, the tables and watered the veggie garden.

This was to be our first social gathering in a long time, lockdown had just finished and after many weeks of social seclusion we ended up having the few people who we saw during lockdown anyway. John, Flora, Allissa, Finn, Kaye, Peter, Thomas and Trinidad.

Food was pretty good and once again stressless. It was Melbourne Cup Day in Victoria so we watched the race on Flora’s phone, not that I had any interest at all but John and Flora had bet a significant amount of money on several horses so they had a vested interest.

By 5pm everyone had gone home and I cleaned up while Georgie looked at her computer. I watered the garden again and we headed back to Kaye’s house where Finn had already returned to.

Got into bed by 11pm and had a restless dream filled sleep plus a few foot cramps. I slept in until about 9.30am to try to get my sleep hours up. 

Georgie loved her gifts. I made a special effort to actually buy her something that she would personally enjoy and with the help of Allissa I went to Tiffany’s at Chadstone and bought her a beautiful necklace with a silver heart on a very fine chain. Huge success. I learnt a lesson doing this. Give presents that the receiver will want, not what you think they want. 

Birthday are pretty much over for the year now. Peter’s will come soon and then Flora.

Novavax has been submitted to the TGA for emergency approval. I have a feeling that the authorities may be smart enough to OK it to coerce the remaining remnants of society who don’t trust the nRNA vaccines to finally join the sheep and be vaccinated.

Today we will drive to Red Hill but all at a leisurely pace. People (Air BnB) arrive on Friday.

We have finally arrived at Red Hill. It is now almost 6pm and I’m feeling a bit lethargic. Maybe I’ll start walking again tomorrow, hopefully our power will go back on tomorrow night and we’ll have a habitable home again.

Tuesday November 2, 2021

Happy Birthday my darling Georgie

As the years go by I am happier and happier that our lives crossed paths 25 years ago. We are both so lucky to have found each other and even luckier that we have the rest of our lives to share all of the wondrous experiences that we will surely have. Love, communication, adventure, epiphanies and sharing.

I love you. Happy Birthday 59th Georgie

General

We slept at Kaye’s house last night due to the electricity being well and truly kaput at our home. I went to bed quite early to try to get a good night’s sleep based on my  stressful day and responses yesterday. My HRV is down which is a sign that something untoward is going on. I got my good sleep and feel pretty damn good this morning although I still have a low level toothache where my molar was removed a week ago.

Acceptance

One huge lesson I have learned over the past year is acceptance. What a gift that has been. Pushing back, resisting and fighting against the inevitable or even a real threat to your present survival only creates ridges, anxiety and stress.

The first thing I learned was that if something is going to happen that you cannot control then fighting against it and resisting it will only feed the fear and pull in the space between you and the coming event or threat. By putting one’s attention on the negatives you will contract the distance between you and whatever it is, dimming and thwarting your view. You need space to view the world around you, you even need space to view your own thoughts and fears. When you are pressed up hard against the mental energy that you create you haven’t got a chance to get a clear look at the situation in front of you.

I adopted the viewpoint of acceptance, a “que sera whatever will be” sort of attitude. With a bit of space between me and whatever the danger/threat, maybe I can confront whatever it is in a calm state of mind and see what parts of the problem that I can control.

Once again it gets back to very basic fundamentals. As usual the first step is to confront what is happening, what is threatening your survival or happiness, what it is that you cannot control. For me the next step is to glean as much information and knowledge that I can get my hands on or my wits around. Then I’ve got to shape up and accept responsibility. Blaming others or external forces surely isn’t going to help (apart from feeling a weak level of justification). Once armed with the above the next thing for me to do is to take control of the components that I am able to, peeling back the layers as I go.

When I speak of acceptance I don’t mean giving up. I simply believe “what is is what is”. It is one’s ability to observe the obstacles that exist and somehow gather the tools and abilities to get over each one towards a desired end result.

Life is a wondrous experience . Not something to be squandered with petty regrets, shame and blaming external forces.

There is always something that can be done to make things better.

Monday November 1, 2021

If it was 100 years ago it would have been the Roaring Twenties. Well, there isn’t too much roaring about our planet and it’s inhabitants right now. A bunch of essentially captured leaders who don’t seem to give two hoots about the future of our planet and consequently, mankind.

Tomorrow is Georgie’s 59th birthday. 59 seems young from where I stand. The electrical power, which was already half off thanks to last Friday morning’s storm went off completely in the middle of the night. This sucks because we have planned lunch tomorrow to celebrate her birthday with some friends and family. If the worse comes to worse, which may be the case we will have to move the celebration to Kaye’s house.

I’ve been writing my blog for well over a year now. Lately I have been writing a lot more articles on health. It’s now time to start working on getting some sort of readership. My original goal was to write a book on getting healthy in the 60s and beating cancer. This is still on the cards but lingers a bit too much. I need a bit of advice and direction from someone who knows what they are doing. I really want to inspire people to get healthy. The average person knows so little and it appears that most doctors are focused on what they learned at medical school which can become obsolete pretty quickly. I looked at some photographs yesterday of Georgie and I in India in March 2019, the difference in both our appearances is astounding. It’s not that we couldn’t push ourselves. We both still had the ability to get lots done but OMG were we fat. My belly protruded like a big solid balloon and my legs were like tree trunks. Most unattractive.

We’ve both achieved a lot and now is the time to keep pouring the coals on as we both get older. The area that I need to work on now is muscle. This needs to be “smashed” over the coming year. Even after a bit a heavy lifting in the past few days have I noticed that my lower back has gone out.

On a positive note, the next 2 days are looking like perfect spring weather. There have been times in past years when early November threw heat waves at us but not now. 

Here are some blog posts that I need to write in the near future.

  • Melatonin and Cancer
  • Hyperbaric Oxygen and Cancer plus general Health
  • IVs to handle inflammation and general health
  • How to research health issues and their resolution.
  • Walking
  • Multi-tasking while getting healthy.
  • Journalling
  • Infra-Red Saunas
  • Hot and Cold Therapy
  • Intermittent Fasting
  • Grooming
  • Dental : Mercury Fillings
  • Good Quality Food
  • Vegetable Gardens
  • Creating a Living Space that you are happy to be in.
  • Continuing to pursue creativity as you get older.
  • Philosophical thoughts and personal challenges
  • Acceptance
  • Love and Tolerance toward others.
  • Help
  • Charisma and Communication
  • Travels
  • Bali
  • Finish post on Parkinson’s Disease
  • Covid 19 Protocol.
  • Getting off alcohol

That list should keep me busy for a while. If I can cover all of those items and do a good job at inspiring people I’ll be happy.  I do have to get brave about this, I cannot do one on one help. It just doesn’t work time wise. My new projects will include how I can reach loads of people.

Sunday October 31, 2021

I spent a good deal of my life having a love-hate relationship with insulin. In 1987 my then 7 year old son was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, this is a completely different beast to Type 2 Diabetes which I believe should be given a completely different name. When you have Type 1 Diabetes your life depends on injecting the hormone insulin into your body several times a day.

The biggest problem we had back in the 1980s was that we had to rely on endocrinologists to guide us. The internet was not yet even a twinkle in societies eye and the medical people who now complain about people googling health issues had complete reign over treatments and rationalisations.

Looking back now I cringe realising how little I knew about the condition and for that matter about the body and it’s functions. The Type 1 Diabetic’s diet was all about “exchanges”. The idea was to balance the insulin with the carbohydrates.

Put in a very simplistic manner the basic principle is that the pancreas produces insulin to act as a “key” to allow it to open the “door” of the cell to allow the glucose to enter the cell where it is metabolised into energy. You knock back a few carbs and your insulin spikes, your pancreas creates enough insulin to to regulate the blood sugar and as we were led to believe all was well. When it came to injecting insulin the amount was based on the guidelines given to you by the endocrinologist, the blood glucose levels and common sense. It was a delicate balancing act which was easy to get wrong which could result in a hypo. This is where the blood sugar goes so low that the Diabetic has a deficit of glucose and the body and brain start shutting down. Only those who have a diabetic friend or family member would know how terrifying this can be. I could write a book full of stories about the effects of high and low blood sugar on my son’s life.

My son passed away from the ravages of Diabetic mismanagement in 2012 when he was 32 years old.

Not knowing what is going on “under the bonnet” is deadly. Over the decades there have been many different diets and viewpoints about what and when to eat, most of them were misguided. But for most of my life I got up and ate toast or muesli, sometimes carrot juice or even worse orange or apple juice, occasionally eggs, which by the way were supposed to be detrimental to one’s health if too many were consumed. The point is that most of my breakfasts were full of carbohydrates, glucose, fructose all of which caused my blood sugar to spike which resulted in a surge of insulin to knock it back down again. Then before I knew it I was feeling peckish again by mid morning. By the mid afternoon I would regularly feel all fuzzy, foggy and tired due to what I called hypoglycaemia, which by the way I didn’t really understand well enough to do too much about.

This was all about a lack of knowledge. Deadly when left to drag on unchecked over decades.

Throughout the 90s when I was in my 40s I became an exercise and raw food addict. This kept me healthy, fit and lean. As the 90s came to an end and we crossed the crest of the 2000s I stopped eating so well and stopped my intense exercising and gradually started putting on weight. Slowly but surely the grams and then kilos started stacking on which resulted in a weight gain of over 25 kgs in a 20 year period. The end result was obesity, high blood pressure, fatty liver, tiredness, brain fog and eventually cancer, which by the way I have handled with a successful dietary strategy and lifestyle.

Little did I know that the underlying cause of all of this was what is called “insulin resistance”.

Insulin Resistance

Saturday October 30, 2021

There were loads of good things about this week but the 2 things that put a damper on all of the positive action was the storm on Friday morning and the effects of the dentistry that I had done on Tuesday. We had large swathes of outdoor areas steam cleaned on Thursday and Friday which has caused me to have a significant spring clean outside. I’m currently putting our kitchen courtyard back together this morning but with clean items, all dusted and de-cobwebbed. 

Half our power is off and possibly will be for some time.

SATURATED FAT

In 1955 an American physiologist named Ansel Keys made a presentation to the World Health Organization and pretty much convinced them that saturated fat was going to increase the risk of heart attacks and that polyunsaturated fats were going to lower the risks. 

Keys had concluded that saturated fats as found in milk and meat have adverse effects, while unsaturated fats found in vegetable oils had beneficial effects. This message was obscured for a 20-year period starting around 1985, when all dietary fats were considered unhealthy. This was driven largely by the hypothesis that all dietary fats cause obesity and cancer. A 2015 systematic review and meta-analysis by the Cochrane Collaboration, an organisation which promotes evidence-based medicine, found that reducing saturated fat intake reduced the risk of cardiovascular disease, concluding: “Lifestyle advice to all those at risk of cardiovascular disease and to lower risk population groups should continue to include permanent reduction of dietary saturated fat and partial replacement by unsaturated fats.” I’m not going to speculate on his intentions or where his money from coming from but it was after his work that we started ditching butter for margarine and processed food became low fat and not surprisingly high sugar. Low fat food basically tasted so crappy that the food processors had to start introducing sugar and all sorts of chemicals to improve the taste. His hypothesis also contributed to the use of vegetable oils which are now known to be toxic. 

It is quite possible that this is the genesis of the modern illnesses that have been plaguing mankind for the past 60 years. Metabolic syndrome, obesity, Type 2 Diabetes, Alzheimer’s Disease all went out of control in the decades after his presentation.

Mankind is a naive bunch and tends to believe the “experts”, so it wasn’t hard to convince the majority of people that butter, fatty meat and cream,  cheese, eggs we’re going to contribute to an early heart attack. I grew up thinking that this was true and can remember being suspicious of butter, eggs, meat and other so called unhealthy foods.

The joke on mankind was that Ansel Keys, the man who created the K-rations for the American soldiers during WW2  got it wrong.

It wasn’t until just a few years ago that I started hearing that saturated fat wasn’t all that bad for you. In actual fact the word was that it might be actually quite good for you. There’s a whole lot we need to understand about Omega 3  and Omega 6 fatty acids and it is really quite crucial to understand the difference and how they affect the body. We need both of these fatty acids but the  ratios are significantly important.

Take a look at the talk by Sydney nutritionalist and sports doctor, Paul Mason below. This should help you understand the new viewpoints on fat.

Friday October 29, 2021

Oh what a night!

It started last night with sheets and flashes of lightning and then in the middle of the night the wind came with a vengeance. So far this morning I HAVE ONLY DISCOVERED ONE BIT OF DAMAGE WHERE A SMALLISH BRANCH HAS FALLEN ON ONE OF OUR VEGGIE BEDS.

I went out in the rain and removed the branch and hopefully the crushed veggies will recover. Sitting here right now is like being surrounded by a holocaust. The gusts of wind are frightening. Fingers crossed that no real significant damage has occurred. Some of our power points are out of action but all of the fuses are still in position. It’s loud, dark and ominous outside. The wind events have gone out the roof this year.

It has taken a couple of days this time for my dental work to impact me. The spot where my tooth was removed is now feeling pretty sore which is to be expected but I didn’t think that there would be this sort of delay. Oh well, looks like it’s pain killers for a few days.

Finn and I went down to Kaye’s late yesterday afternoon and set up the camera to get a few photographs taken. Finn has decided that this would be a fabulous gift for Georgie to give her on her birthday next Tuesday.

I’ve postponed my trip down to South Yarra this morning until 12.30pm to compensate for the inclement weather.

Thursday October 28, 2021

Had a big day yesterday. Started with me drinking coffee and writing, then finding some art for Chris Darby, my new dentist. Drove to Malvern and spent 2 hours in the dentist chair getting the last of the amalgam out plus a tooth pulled to a cacophony of syncopated guitars, drum and bass blasting through my bluetooth earphones which was just enough to counteract the abuse and noise that was occurring in my mouth. Once I got through that I had a pleasant talk to Chris and worked out my dental plan which is going to cost as much as a luxury car. Deep down I’m really quite excited about the potential end result although the cost is daunting. Having said that there is even a bit of magic happening in that area as well.

I’ve set up a contra with Chris whereby I supply art to his rooms. If all goes well I should have at least $5000 towards my teeth, that’s one of the magical things that has eventuated, there are more.

After leaving the dentist I drove down to South Yarra to Oxymed to do my HBOT session. This was perfect timing as the HBOT has the potential to help heal wounds. By the time I did some shopping and finished in South Yarra it was 4 pm so I hopped in the very hot van and drove home. We ended the day with a long walk  with John and Flora and a bit of TV.

I also cooked my first whole chicken in my air fryer, all done while we were out walking and it was absolutely delicious.

This morning Mark arrived at 8 am to pressure clean our Kitchen courtyard, front brick entry and pool surround. The difference is amazing and it also has forced me to unmock all of the areas which gives me the opportunity to clean them up, brush off the cobwebs, sweep up the dust and dirt and re-think how I am going to put them back together which will change the ambience of the outside of the house, a bit like going to the beautician.

Wednesday October 27, 2021

After a lifetime of voting for the Labour Party I find myself in a very strange political landscape. I’m not even going to pretend that I understand the new proposals that our state government are about to oppose on us but my gut feeling says that they are wrong and will ultimately be more harmful than good. 

The laws appear to lack reason. They appear to say that a virus is a legal reason to impose draconian laws on a society in order to protect the individuals in the group from illness and death. Yet at the same time there are so many other incredibly dangerous day to day activities that are already causing hundreds of deaths weekly plus putting a huge amount of strain on our hospital system. Takeaway junk food, processed food, alcohol, sugar, vegetable oils, family violence .. all of these things contribute to death and sickness As usual all of our attention as a society goes onto the new “pet project” driven by fear that is generated in large part by the media and a huge lack of valid scientific information.

Once again as a society we are in the throws of cognitive dissonance. media reports, peer group pressure based on half truths and misinformation, wrong priorities, denial of truth. WTF.

I don’t think I could do it any better but having said that I might just have a chance to improve things on a grass roots level if I can find an “audience” for the information that I have uncovered over the past 2-3 years.

Tuesday October 26, 2021

I wrote a blog called “The Dispossessed” a couple of weeks ago. We are now officially in that category. Our Premier has gone out of his way to change reality and brand the citizens who have chosen to be conscientious about not receiving the Covid vaccines as enemies of the state. The reaction is so out of whack with the reality of the situation.

General

I’ve discovered rhubarb since Helen planted it in my garden. The great thing is that 100 grams is 3.12 grams  of carbs (or one cup chopped is about 400 grams). I’ve been making a desert with stewed rhubarb, coconut butter, vanilla essence and cream, monkfruit for sweetness plus a handful of blueberries and I just thought that roasted coconut flakes would work really well.

The days go by like the kilometres on a pleasant walk. I just don’t notice it happening. I have my attention on pleasant activities, learning, cooking, gardening, a bit on music, writing, maintenance, health, exercise, organising. I listen to music, I listen to podcasts. Nothing wrong with any of that.

I never thought that I’d be saying this but thanks to Rick Beato I have fallen in love with Adele’s new single “Go Easy On Me”. Her voice and phrasing are absolutely amazing. There’s only her voice, the words, a piano and a kick drum on the track. What’s happening to me in my old age? Oh well. Good music is good music and that’s that.

Monday October 25, 2021

I’ve just stayed in bed a whole lot longer than I normally do although I still woke at 8 am. 

First thing I  did was put on the coffee pot and then watered my veggie garden, which by the way is beyond fantastic. It’s now just after 10am and I’m sitting outside in the sunshine, which by the way isn’t all that warm but still it lends itself to the illusion of a life supreme.

My writing is all over the place. I have a need to keep starting different pieces and now I find myself having to go back to finish them but wanting to begin new themes before I complete told ones.

The Victorian government has fucked over the 10% of its citizens who in good conscience have decided to forego the Covid vaccination. A decision and position not taken lightly by most. In some ways it is easy to decide to do something unsavoury and potentially unsafe when you have been coerced by your government’s threats and mandates to take away what liberties that are rightfully yours, including your job.  

I’m angry but at the same time I have to be realistic as the new rules won’t change my life significantly. It will even save me time and money. I can control my own quality of life. Finn and Allissa are another matter. They have been really fucked over. Time will tell.

Sunday October 24, 2021

There has to be something scientific about anecdotal studies or personal observation. By anecdotal I mean a result based on my own personal experience as opposed to a large scientific study. If the results are empirical and can be seen and felt then for me that is a reflection of the workability of a treatment or regimen. The one thing that I cannot be certain about is what actions worked better or were more efficient and effective than others but there is also a gut feeling and personal intuition that you can use to guide yourself.

Over the past 3 years I have turned my health around from what I see in retrospect as 25% efficiency to 80% efficiency. These figures are just plucked out of my head and are abstract estimates, but for me they are representative of my beginning point and where I am now. I’d say at the beginning of my journey I may have had 5-10 years of active life left in me whilst now I optimistically believe I can arrive at 100 years of age in 30 years time in pretty good shape. This is just a viewpoint that I hold although I do have confidence in it happening based on how things are going.

The most basic, fundamental ingredient for me throughout the past 3 years has been self discipline and following close by, almost neck to neck comes knowledge. Persistence has also been an integral part. Looking back I can see that my transformation is based on “trilogies”. Abstract triangles that I have used in my life for the past 46 years.

KNOWLEDGE, RESPONSIBILITY, CONTROL

BE, DO, HAVE

AFFINITY, REALITY, COMMUNICATION

START, CHANGE, STOP

CREATE, SURVIVE, DESTROY

As words and concepts they are only “significances” but when they are understood and are used as tools they can guide your actions and help you understand what you have done and what you need to do to better your interaction with the universe. 

I’ll start with BE, DO, HAVE. It’s as simple as working out a plan based on a goal. It could be called “Planning by Product”. What is a product in this sense? It is something tangible that you can do something with. It has some sort of value and can be exchanged with some other aspect of the universe.

You first go backwards and then forward. 

What did I want to have? 

Based on my condition in late 2018 I was on my way down a big hole. I was 66 years old, grossly overweight with a big protruding belly, addicted to alcohol, my liver was on it’s way out, my blood pressure was out the roof, I displayed all of the symptoms of metabolic syndrome especially insulin resistance, I was sedentary and unfit plus unknown to me at the time I had the genesis of cancer.

What did I want to have? I wanted life, health, purpose, mental clarity, happiness. I wanted all of the things that I wanted when I was young. I wanted to live in a healthy and fit body until I was at least 100 years old.

The first thing I had to do was to confront that I wasn’t going to make it in the condition I was in. I wasn’t going to have what I wanted so badly unless I really confronted where I was at. So the next step was to work out what I was going to do. 

At the time the water (of life) was a bit murky so the things I needed to do were framed as broad strokes like stopping drinking, losing weight, doing exercise, eating well …. all generalities that needed to be refined. I had begun though and had some ideas about what actions I needed to take.

So my next challenge was what role “I” was going to play in all of this. What did I need to be to pull this off? 

What does it mean to be? To exist? To hold a position in space?

I realized that no matter what, I was already being. Being what though? I had  to assume an identity, to assume control of my own destiny. To own the responsibility for my own condition and simply accept that I had arrived where I was because of my own actions and inactions.

Without really even knowing it I had arrived at a point that I could look back at later and see that I had decided to be a strong, self disciplined person who accepted responsibility for his own destiny.

BE, DO, HAVE

So as a natural consequence of arriving at the realization that “my life and condition must be confronted” I had some sort of vision of what I needed to do to have health and happiness. The first thing I had to do was to completely stop drinking alcohol. This was my albatross, the invisible cross I carted around on my shoulders that gave me permission not to accept responsibility for my own future. Once I had rid myself of this addiction I could then do the things I needed to do to work toward arriving at a  place of health and wellness.

KNOWLEDGE, RESPONSIBILITY, CONTROL

My next step was to glean whatever knowledge I could about how my body worked and what I needed to eat and not eat to lose weight, get healthy and handle the brain fog I experienced every afternoon, curtail the demons of addiction. Without knowledge you are blind and wandering aimlessly through a maze of confusion.

How do you know if you have found the correct information and knowledge? There is so much data out there which is now available to all of us. You have to find a path that is real to you. I was guided by information based on studies where results could be confirmed. I had to go with something and I opted to choose a healthy ketogenic diet which is essentially low carb, no processed food, no sugar. Mainly food that I prepare myself in my own kitchen from fresh, preferably organic ingredients …. a moderate amount of protein, grain fed and finished meat, wild caught fish, pasture raised chickens and free range organic eggs and high fat comprising of grass fed butter, cold pressed olive oil, MCT Oil, avocados, saturated fat on meat and some full fat dairy like hard cheese and thick cream, nuts like macadamia and walnuts and a few blueberries and stewed rhubarb from time to time. When I do bake, which is rarely, I use coconut and almond flour, inulin and 95% cocoa chocolate, coconut butter or very occasionally chocolate flavoured with stevia or monk fruit.

The transition was gradual and I worked toward  a healthier and more low carb, high fat diet until my body had transitioned from using glucose as a source of fuel to ketones which are produced when the body starts burning fat as fuel.

This took a lot of work and a lot of research and study. The knowledge was there but not all that easy to assimilate. It took time and effort.

The other big change that I made back in 2019 was to ditch breakfast. I found the concept of intermittent fasting online somewhere and it made enough sense to me to give it a go. It was a challenge initially but as the days went by I got more and more used to it that eating from 1 pm to about 8 pm became my new normal. Just 2 meals a day, no snacks. Somewhere in my life I had been convinced that breakfast was crucial to my well being. The interesting thing though is that most breakfasts are full of carbohydrates, laden with glucose and fructose like cereal, toast, jam and fruit juices, all of which cause insulin spikes which ultimately contribute to insulin resistance, weight gain and metabolic syndrome. If you did a chemical analysis of most breakfast food and drinks you might be shocked at the lack of nutritional value. It seemed to me that it’s akin to starting your day by poisoning yourself.

I didn’t have any food at all outside my prescribed times, this is called “the eating window”. The idea is to give your digestive system a rest each day for at least 16 hours. This gives your body a chance to heal itself as well as to keep the insulin levels under control. As I transitioned from burning glucose as a fuel to burning ketones I noticed that hunger was no longer an issue and the brain fog that struck each afternoon slowly dissipated until it just didn’t exist anymore. In the past I needed snacks to get my blood sugar up but as I delved further into the ketogenic diet my blood sugars normalised and my cells were happy with the fat, vegetables, protein that I was eating. I ate loads of broccoli and cauliflower, brussel sprouts and spinach drenched in grass fed butter. Cruciferous and green leafy veggies. Initially I ate a lot of bone broth that I prepared myself and created low carb soups that were always on hand. 

Here’s another important point. Preparation is crucial to success. Planning and preparation is an integral part of successfully transitioning to a ketogenic diet. There are so many things that you just can’t eat. Almost all takeaway food has processed carbs in it. There is so little that you can buy from dine-in or takeaway food shops that will sustain you when you are actively pursuing a ketogenic diet. In the past I could just throw together a sandwich if I felt hungry or stuff my face with some sort of food made  from grains or laden with toxic vegetable oil, either as an ingredient or a cooking method, a pastie, a pie, noodles, savoury slices. Try something, go for a walk in a food court in a big shopping centre and see if you can find something to eat that isn’t full of carbs, sugar or seed/vegetable oil. All contributors to the inflammation that is making you fat and sick.

OMG, I’m sounding like a food fascist but the thing is that when you start learning about nutrition and food you tend to eventually have the epiphany that the main reason for eating is to supply your body with clean, healthy fuel that can be converted into energy. I concede that part of eating is the pleasure that one derives from it as well as the social experience of sitting down with your family and friends but you can still put together a meal that tastes amazing and if the worse comes to worse you can take your own food with you to social events. 

Knowledge can be a double edged sword. At the same time it gives you the power to be responsible for your own well being and in a position where you can be in control. There it is “knowledge, responsibility and control”.

Another aspect of being in control of your own health is testing. In the 21st century we have amazing technology available at our finger tips. Technology to measure glucose and ketones in our blood, oxygen levels, exercise, sleep patterns and quality, heart data. There are amazing apps that we can use to record what we eat and drink which then break this raw information down to useable data. It all takes time and for some of us may be considered hard work but I can assure you from my own experience that when I do keep these records I can be far more responsible and in control of my own health.

Discipline leads to control . You almost have to be moving towards a goal (have). As soon as any of these factors drop out it is easy to lose direction and even fall off the wagon. Habits can be both counter to your survival as well as pro survival.  So yes, all of this takes more time and effort but if you can be in control of your habits you can create more time. This might sound “supercalafragilistic”.

For me it was all about scheduling and having some sort of form to my daily activities, testing, record keeping and regimens. The other factor that I want to address here is the financial cost of being healthier. Good quality food costs more. For example, organic vegetables, grass fed and finished meat, free range organic chickens and eggs, good quality fats all cost more and this can be daunting, especially when you see a bunch of organic broccoli costing twice as much as the commercially grown version. This is where you have to remember that the reason for eating is to supply good quality fuel to your body so it can do the work it is capable of to create energy and to heal itself. So, on one hand the raw ingredients I buy now cost more but I need less and I waste less. I no longer spend money on alcohol. It’s easy to kid yourself but alcohol costs a fortune and also supplies huge amounts to government coffers through added taxes. I estimate that I personally save $10,000 a year now that I abstain from alcohol. Preparing your own meals is another good example. How easy is it to spend $50 a day (or more) on takeaway coffees, breakfast and lunch. That’s another $10,000 “plus” a year. What I’m saying here is that you can actually save money while you pursue a healthy lifestyle. You won’t need breakfast. You can take your own lunch with you. You should stop drinking coffee at lunchtime anyway because it will affect your sleep. Once again it’s simply a matter of confronting what you currently spend on satisfying your bodies needs and how much time you spend eating each day. It takes a bit of work but now you can invest this time and money into being healthy and fit. Do yourself a favour and work out what percentage of your wage you spend on eating and drinking. You may be surprised. And this added scrutiny may enable you to redirect more time, energy and resources from indiscriminate eating and drinking to activities which will improve your health, longevity and fitness.

Saturday October 23, 2021

The fallout from the media and overall messages being sent by the government to its citizens has finally impacted my own family. It is a strong and uncompromising message that doesn’t allow for prisoners. You are either with them or against them and if you are against them there is a big target on your back. Of my 2 sisters Helen has let me know that it doesn’t bother her that myself and my mob are not vaccinated. Netty hasn’t said anything to me directly but has spoken to Helen and it is obvious that she has been influenced by the “messages” that are being forced out onto the airwaves and other media sources. So be it. I understand and to a large degree expected this reaction from her.

So now it is up to me to send a diplomatic message to her to ease her fears for Christmas Day.

Hi Nett Hope you are well. I’m still doing a few treatments for the cancer. I’m seeing the radiologist for another checkup on November 6 but overall things are still looking good but my main goal is to do whatever I need for it to never have an opportunity to start “growing” again. I’m still eating really well, no junk whatsoever and now I’ve got my own veggies to pick just like you and Helen. She did such a great job helping me set it up. I’m also still seeing my cancer doctor (Middle Park) so he can keep an eye on me and do updated blood tests etc as needed.

We are staying home most of the time and keeping to ourselves apart from going in for the treatments and a long walk almost every day.

My doctor has me on a protocol for Corona which involves quite a few supplements which act as a prophylactic (Prevention) as well as a plan of action if for some reason I ever get any (corona) symptoms. He doesn’t recommend the current vaccinations mainly due to the huge anaphylactic reaction I had during my immunotherapy. He has other reasons but I won’t go into them here. I mentioned that (the reaction) when it happened earlier in the year. I’ve trusted him with the cancer and he’s got me through that so I’m going to trust him with this. He has spent every Sunday studying all the latest research papers for the past 50 years so I feel confident in his skill and knowledge of the latest research.

I figure that for now the best plan of action is to just sit it out. I never get bored at home and always have loads to do.

It’s probably a good idea to just have our own Christmas lunches this year. Georgie always wants to have Christmas with Kaye but I almost always get my own way so she will be happy about this. Allissa won’t be happy, she loves seeing you guys at Christmas but I’m sure she’ll be OK. When the pandemic is over we can regroup and work things out then.

General

I had an appointment at the podiatrist this morning. We have a huge contra with her so the whole family is having a foot fest. 

The other thing I learned this morning was to do with the Covid PCR tests. The test is done by taking a sample from a person’s nose and then it is amplified. The problem is that the more it is amplified the more chance there is of it testing positive. For example. If the test was amplified 20 times and the results were positive then this would be very accurate but unfortunately most results are amplified 30-40 times. 30 times is an amplification x1,000,000 (million) BUT 40 times is an amplification of x1,000,000,000 (trillion). Chances are that the person isn’t even sick but still tests positive. That sucks.

The more I look at this whole government driven reaction to covid the more I feel disgusted with their sloppy approach, record keeping, lack of public education re staying healthy and immense waste of money.

Winter is back again. Yesterday the temperature reached 27 degrees, this morning it is grey and wet. Thank goodness I did my big 2 hour walk last night.

Friday October 22, 2021

I feel a bit like a strawberry in a blender this morning. Battered and spinning like a tornado. I’m having trouble focusing on what to write about. Every thought that enters seems trite and not worth exploring. I’m a mix of aching agitated, directionless and disillusioned. I’m feeling as if I should be anticipating something bad happening when in fact there is whatsoever no need to feel that way.

Was it yesterday? Did parts of Kaye’s universe break out of orbit with her and enter mine? I’ve no idea but all I can do is to pick myself up by the scruff of my neck and accept that whatever is happening is not “me” but some external force churning me up.

Melbourne opened up last night from it’s latest lockdown and I couldn’t help noticing the hypocrisy of the online news media revealing in the fact that at midnight people hit the streets. These are the same people that in the weeks to come will be looking for scapegoats to point a finger at for the huge burst of Covid 19 that will eventually come. The last thing people need is to be gobbling down pizza and guzzling booze. A few short weeks ago others who cared enough to protest against the shaky and flawed stance of our government were being shot at with rubber bullets by police. Now it is totally acceptable to create social chaos while chanting “We are the vaccinated.” I should be feeling happy for our society but unfortunately, I am feeling somewhat cynical.

It is now a time for self regulation. A time to reflect on what can be learned about what has just transpired and to start building a foundation that won’t collapse in the coming months. A time to look at what we can do to be healthy and prepare for what appears to be inevitable. The virus isn’t going to go away just because our government says it will.

In the same manner that I am frowned upon for not accepting the novel mRNA vaccinations I will be frowned upon for having this attitude of wariness and cynicism.

The best I can do is to hope for the best possible outcome for everyone. Why not? Why would I want anything bad to happen just to prove a point. I am now part of a minority group who mistrusts the mainstream vested interests even more than any other time in my life. There are other agendas out there, maybe not fully evil, maybe just motivated by money, power and greed. 

Money buys power. 

When the clock stops none of this matters. It’s either groundhog day all over again or a complete lack of consciousness and none of this stuff will matter. We are all fellow travellers on a road to a “lucky dip”.

Thursday October 21, 2021

We are taking Kaye to see Dr Eng later today. I’ve just sent her a list of reminders. 

I’m pretty lucky that I have such a good relationship with my mother in law. Yes, I am good for her and care, give her help and generally earn any love that she feels for me. She acknowledges this and there is no imbalance at all on the exchange. Not that that’s an issue. I don’t do things for exchange. Help is something that gives me great pleasure to give to another person who I care about.

It would be pretty horrible to expect something in return every time you did something for another person.

We are still in the midst of the biggest confusion that I have ever experienced in relation to mankind. It’s not so much about the actual virus, it is about processing the information that is available and who you choose to listen to. On one side you have the vaccine supporters. I wonder what percentage of these people actually read articles by qualified doctors who go over research papers and actually analyse stats and medical research? On the other hand I wonder what percentage get their info from media outlets, politicians and representatives of the pharmaceutical companies. Their message is convincing in that it is repeated daily and in a voluminous manner. It doesn’t really have to make sense, it simply has to reassure people that they will be safe and free to go about their day to day lives. There are even articles in the newspapers that overtly say that the efficacy of the vaccinations wane significantly as time goes by and that there are significant chances that vaccinated people will come down with Covid and also spread it to others. England is heavily vaccinated as is Israel. Both of these countries are now experiencing huge caseloads in both the vaccinated and the unvaccinated. Damage that is happening due to the vaccinations is being censored or disbelieved. It’s like the 3 wise monkeys have taken over the flow of information – see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil. In the last case, that would be about openly discussing whether we are going about this whole exercise the right way. All they have to do to shut somebody down is to label them as an “anti-vaxxer who purposefully spreads misinformation”. Then on the other hand you have the sceptical, of which I am one. The problem is that this group is as splintered as the majority who believe what they are being told by the mainstream. There are people who really do their research and try to understand. There are the people who believe the opinions of others and don’t go to the source to fact check. There are people who are just more frightened of the potential harmful effects of the mRNA vaccines than those presented by the virus. It’s a ragtag group that is potentially easily defamed and defeated.

This is much the same for political correctness. Shut up or be cancelled. It’s all about what you say, not your intentions. Even people who genuinely care are at risk of being shut down and cancelled off the face of the earth, driven out of their professions and having any power that they have to do good wiped out. Woke-ism is pretty evil if its main purpose is to close down free speech and open discussion of subjects that are important to the survival of the human species. GROUP THINK is the poison of mankind. I stymies inquisitiveness and growth and puts the brakes on anything that might help forward society. “Follow the map! Follow the arrows! Don’t step off the path.” Conform and do not have any ORIGINAL IDEAS THAT MIGHT OFFEND ANY MINORITY ANYWHERE.

How the fuck did we arrive here?

I’m really going to have to take a good look at myself and decide how much time and effort I am going to put into fighting against this “cancerous” behaviour that is weakening the human race.

Wednesday October 20, 2021

Yesterday afternoon I set up an appointment for an electrician to arrive at about 3pm to give us a quote on some electrical work that needs doing. Soon after 3pm 2 tall African men stood at my door. I’m going to attempt to dissect my response.

Superficially there was nothing much going on and we both had what could be looked upon as a good experience. I have grown up in a very, very white country. We even had a government ruling called “The White Australia Policy” which was officially implemented in 1901. The first 4 decades of the 20th century saw immigration to Australia essentially restricted to people of UK descent. Initially the movement was fired by trade unions attempting to protect the jobs of British immigrants from cheap labour from Asia and the South Pacific but up until WW2 we were essentially “Vanilla”. The Menzies and Holt governments  made some small efforts to undo the “WAP” but it wasn’t until the labour Government came to power in the early 70s that racial discrimination was frowned upon.

I grew up in a white, english speaking outpost of Britain. The seeds of the society that spawned me were those of lower class immigrants from Ireland, Wales, Scotland and England. In the 50s when I was young Australia started allowing more “exotic” Europeans to enter. Italians, Turks, Greeks …. we called them WOGS or New Australians. They spoke in strange tongues and their food smelt different. Being in close proximity didn’t feel safe. I even recall going to a birthday party of a Jewish boy from school when I was about 7 years old. I was wary. The food tasted different, even down to the sickly unsalted butter on the sprinkled bread that was served. I thought I had been poisoned.

As you would expect, each new wave of immigrants had their own “ghettos”. I hate to admit it but looking back now, even in the 70s there was still a predominately white flavour to Australia. After the Americans and Australians conceded defeat in Vietnam we had an influx of Asians. By now the Italians and Greeks had integrated into the general society and their children developed Aussie accents. The new ‘aliens” were from Asia.

For reasons unknown to me I do not recall ever meeting a person of aboriginal descent when I was young. I may have without being aware but it just didn’t enter my mind that I was living in a country that had been overrun by Europeans only a little more than 100 years earlier. The images that were conjured up of aboriginals were this manufactured by white artists and photographers showing primitive black people with large foreheads and flat noses waving boomerangs and wearing loin cloths. Just to make it clear, I had never really seen a kangaroo or a koala either until I went to Healesville Sanctuary.

My first exposure to black people was during the 60s. American musicians and protesters against discrimination. It all happened from afar. Australia was still white.

The question that I ask myself now is whether the unfamiliarity of seeing a black person in real life is some form of discrimination or is it just a lack of knowledge and familiarity with something that I haven’t had a great deal of experience with. Is the overcompensation that I make to be polite and natural, inquisitive and eager to please with references to African musicians and little titbits about what I know about the geography of Africa condescending?

I think not. 

Tuesday October 19, 2021

Deep down I suppose we all have a desire to feel that we are right, that we should not have to feel attacked, that we do have a need to defend ourselves. The simple truth is that an integral part of life is interaction with others and there is no way that we are always going to see eye to eye, day in and day out. That would be bloody boring.

Still, the niggling need and cry to defend oneself that resounds in your head when you feel that you have been wronged is something to be wary of. This deep need to defend and retaliate has its own hunger for retribution and revenge, the last thing you need to do is to feed it.

There are exceptions though. If you are publicly and wrongly slandered then you have an obligation to yourself to carefully put forth your case to whoever it is relevant to, to uncover the motivations of the slanderer and put your own truth firmly in the public view. Not always an easy task. At times your accuser may have far more power, time and wherewithal than you do or the time that it is going to take you to compile the necessary material needed to vindicate yourself just isn’t worth the effort and the end result that you desire.

Is it best to just move forward and shake yourself like as duck who has just had water spattered over its feathers?

My answer to this is “Yes” sometimes this is the best approach, especially when the conflict only involves one other person and the accusations are not visible to others.

From my viewpoint it is necessary to weigh up each situation rather than to have a knee jerk reaction that isn’t always under your own control and which will unleash a further set of conditions into play that will then have their own consequences.

No wonder some of us feel like we are drowning in complexity and confusion. It is so easy to allow yourself to be buried, trapped and entangled. The trick is to keep your head above the crap and jumble so that you can always look up and see the blue sky which is always there somewhere even if it is covered over or disguised by clouds and mist.

The need to be right is all about ego and often implies that in order for you to be right then you have to make somebody else wrong.

I’m not saying that you should forsake your integrity or be a coward. What I am saying is that you need to use logic and reason to choose your battles wisely and to only fight those that forward the greater good for everyone concerned.

Monday October 18, 2021

Kurt Vonnegut tells his wife he’s going out to buy an envelope:

“Oh, she says, well, you’re not a poor man. You know, why don’t you go online and buy a hundred envelopes and put them in the closet? 

And so I pretend not to hear her. And go out to get an envelope because I’m going to have a hell of a good time in the process of buying one envelope. 

I meet a lot of people. And see some great looking babies. And a fire engine goes by. And I give them the thumbs up. And I’ll ask a woman what kind of dog that is. And, and I don’t know. The moral of the story is – we’re here on Earth to fart around. 

And, of course, the computers will do us out of that. And what the computer people don’t realize, or they don’t care, is we’re dancing animals. You know, we love to move around. And it’s like we’re not supposed to dance at all anymore.”

Let’s all get up and move around a bit right now… or at least dance.

Telstar

1962 was the “year of the ear” for me. Prior to this I had explored my Dad’s country and western collection of vinyl but nothing had really hit home. My ears and heart perked up when I first heard the English band The Tornados playing Telstar, the anthemic instrumental created and recorded by Joe Meek above a hat shop in London. I quickly became addicted to hearing the tune and would sit at the radio going from station to station trying to find any portion of the record that was playing, even if it was only the last few bars.

The Tornados were essentially a session musician band who came together pre-Beatles to back up B grade singers on Meek’s recording label as well as becoming Billy Fury’s on the road backing band. They were Roger Laverne on keyboards, Alan Caddy on lead guitar, George Bellamy on rhythm guitar, Heinz Burt on bass and Clem Cattini on drums. What I didn’t know back then was that the main tune of Telstar was played on an instrument called a clavioline which was the forerunner to the analog synthesizer and it was played by Geoff Goddard not Roger Laverne. Goddard was a song writer and keyboard player who worked for Joe Meek. The sound of the rocket taking off was a great example of Meek’s innovation.

Telstar went on to top the American charts by the end of 1962, The Tornados were the first British band to ever achieve that honour. It must have been spring when it appeared on the playlists of 3KZ, 3DB, 3XY, 3UZ and 3AK in Melbourne. I couldn’t get enough of it. Ironically Joe Meek never received a penny in royalties during his lifetime due to an accusation of plagiarism in early 1963 and consequent legal action that resulted in him actually winning 3 weeks after his tragic death.

Back to me. Other music from that year was The Lonely Bull by Herb Alpert, Sherry and Big Girls Don’t Cry by The Four Seasons, The Monster Mash by Bobby Boris Pickett. Weird music for a 10 year old to come of age with. I think I received all of those singles for Christmas 1962. But my real goal was to buy a copy of the Tornados first album which I finally achieved on my 11th birthday. From memory it cost 52 shillings and sixpence and I bought it in a record shop opposite the Prahran Town Hall. I could now look at a picture of the Tornados. I had no idea which face corresponded to which instrument but I imagined that the guy who I considered the best looking was the lead guitarist. I also believe that this was when I decided to become a lead guitarist, which I just realized was a bit off target because it was synonymous with fame and confidence, neither of which I had or ever really did for that matter. I should have had a goal to become an accomplished musician, even though I did become a lead guitarist tight until the end of the 60s.

The Tornados became an obsession for me. I was blind to the simple truth that they never achieved the beauty and grandiosity of Telstar ever again. I listened to the album hundreds of times and bought all of their singles, Globetrotter, Robot, The Scales of Justice until I heard the Beatles a few months into 1963 and that changed everything all over again.

The movie below was made in 2008 and gives a somewhat exaggerated version of the story of teller and Joe Meek but it is worth watching. And there are a few other anecdotal interviews etc below as well.

Sunday October 17, 2021

The guitarist and singer from the band Chicago, Terry Kath blew his brains out in January 1978, he was 31. He didn’t do it on purpose and one of the last thing’s he said to a friend who was trying to convince him to be careful with a gun he was playing with is “Do you think I’m going to blow my brains out?”. I was about to turn 26 when this huge loss went down. It is even said that Jimi Hendrix once commented that Terry Kath was a better guitarist than he was.

I bought my first Chicago album around 1970 when I was 18. I had forgotten how much I was influenced by the band in my teens. They were one of the first rock bands to use horns and tight horn arrangements (thanks to trombone player James Pankow) but Terry Kath’s soulful voice and amazingly passionate guitar playing added something that really appealed to my ears. The music took me somewhere, it was like going on a musical journey listening to their music. They had it all back then, great musicians, good songs, passion, jamming but also tight arrangements. There was another band called Blood Sweat and Tears who were similar but early Chicago took the cake. Here’s a 1970 live Chicago concert, it is really worth watching. 

I recall a few years ago we were driving in the car and I played 25 or 6 to 4 for my son Finn, he loved it so much we played it about 6 times straight.

I hadn’t realized how much the band and their music influenced me until I heard Rick Beato do a “What Makes This Song Great” podcast on their song “Make me Smile”. Check it out.

Saturday October 16, 2021

I’m beginning to feel like one of Earth’s Dispossessed. I’m beginning to feel that I will soon be forcefully deprived of my freedom of movement and thought. I have been forced to take sides in a battle that I never agreed to be part of. A battle of ideology, one against conformity and tacit agreement. 

General consensus has a power that is tangible, whether that consensus is right or wrong, workable or unworkable. I have seen this so many times throughout my life both objectively as well as subjectively. It is time for great care and a wariness of all external viewpoints, no matter how enticing they may seem. It is time to apply the principle of “what is true is that which is true for you”. My responsibility to myself and my immediate group is to carefully sift through the available information and research and come to my own informed decisions about the conclusions that I make, my relationship to society and how I move forward with my life.

I do not urgently need certain social activities like going to restaurants, plays, museums, travel and such. There are ample activities to apply my time and effort to. I need a certain amount of social interaction and companionship, I need food, I need music and a certain amount of entertainment, I need beauty, I need access to my tools of communication, I need a small amount of money, I need knowledge and access to information and research and most importantly I need my freedom to choose my own direction. I can have all of those things.

History has shown me that the human species, no matter how miraculous it is, can be alloyed by its application of illogic. Group think is rampant as a rule. Cognitive dissonance is generally the order of the day. People can be influenced by “noble lies” that turn out to be not so noble and that serve the purposes of a minority of people who are striving for power and riches. It is so easy to control and imprison people with ideas and catch cries, headlines and the potential fear of harm and insecurity. Peer group pressure does the rest.

It is now time for me to choose my own truth and to be willing to stand up for my own integrity.

Friday October 15, 2021

It’s Friday once again. Another day that defines each passing week. For some reason Friday has become a pivotal day which represents a feeling more than anything else. A significance that I have attached to it like some sort of seasoning sprinkled on food.

I’m off to South Yarra again this morning for another session of HBOT. I might be also going for a walk with A.

I took a series of photographs on my iPad last night of the veggie garden and our kitchen courtyard. It is becoming one of my favourite places. A habit that I have

changed over the past couple of days is to just drink black coffee in the mornings and forsake the bulletproof coffee that I have been indulging in. I fear that I am having far too much fat as my weight has stayed constantly at around 84 kgs for the past year. My goal is 80kgs by Christmas.

There is talk of Victoria opening up again in early November which is great news for the state but not so for us dispossessed who have not been vaccinated. We’ll just have to wait a bit longer but heed my words, this endemic virus is not going away and the general understanding is that vaccination will save the day which will more than possibly be not the case. They will need a scapegoat so I foresee that the people in my category will be frowned upon as spreaders. So be it.

I’ve been pretty successful organising contras and sales that will help my ongoing treatments, dental work and podiatry for the family. I’ve got a sale on the go from Oxymed as well which will go toward my HBOT.

I got a message from my old friend Peter Rousseau yesterday. He has opened a new restaurant in Noosa. Maybe we can drive up north before too long and visit old friends and have another road trip. We certainly won’t be flying. Harking back on my earlier entry the cruelty of the lockdowns is starting to have a negative effect on Finn. He’s feeling pretty damn isolated and the possibility of creating new friendships is now even harder than it already was.

The day isn’t looking so bright just yet. The sky is still grey and the chances of a bright blue skyed day are still unknown, although I do know that it will be similar to yesterday albeit a couple of degrees cooler.

My sleep was impacted by my late water drinking last night. I keep forgetting to drink water in the mornings and then leave it far too late which results in me waking several times to go to the toilet in the middle of the night.

The Powerball prize has gone up to $60,000,000 it’s about time that I won first prize. A good plan for next Thursday. I haven’t been having much luck recently, even with small prizes that simply cover the cost of the tickets.

Thursday October 14, 2021

A lot of words and books have been written about diets, health and weight loss over the past 50 years but all that matters to me is what actually gets results for me. 

I have tried to implement many eating plans and strategies over the years and now 20 years into the 21st century I am achieving the results that I have always attempted to attain.

I started toying with the ketogenic diet in early 2019 and during the interim I have lost around about 25 kgs in weight and feel healthier and fitter than I have in at least 25 years. On the journey I have repaired my liver, normalised my blood pressure, turned around the strong potential to have Type 2 Diabetes and generally let my body heal itself. I haven’t undone all of the harm that I did to myself in the ensuing 25 years but I am well on the way.

Yes, I have to “give up” lots of food that I liked to eat but when I really look hard at it the majority of the food that I now forsake is empty calories with no nutritional value, it’s just food that is full of grains, glucose and fructose and seed oils. In other words I have given up almost all processed food.

Take an hour out of your busy life and listen to the following lecture by Dr Paul Mason. Wise words that if followed bring about miraculous results.

At this point I want to make it very clear that flavour and enjoyment is an integral part of my eating regime but the underlying factor that surpasses anything else is that the food that I eat and the liquid I drink is the fuel that my body uses for energy and to regenerate  my cells as well as heal itself plus it is sustenance for the trillions of microscopic bacteria and viruses that have hitched a ride on my body and that act as chemical plants to keep me healthy and protected from the whims of my environment.

The proof is in the pudding.

My observations are anecdotal and are based on the results that my wife and I have had over the past few years.

There are many other activities that I do as well, like long walks, saunas, hyperbaric oxygen, intravenous supplements, intermittent fasting and a long list of other therapies but the foundation of my new found health is based on what I do and don’t put in my mouth.

When I mention the ketogenic diet to people I have a feeling that most of them look at it as a fad diet of bacon and eggs. This couldn’t be further from the truth. 

Like any diet the nutritional value is based on the quality of the food that you eat. There will be many variations of the ketogenic diet, some very healthy and some not so healthy but the basis is high fat, low carb with a bit of protein. As with any diet the food processors always tend to jump on the band wagon and create packaged food with fancy labels embellished with words like “keto friendly” “low carb” and some people probably even think that by eating this keto junk food that they will become healthy. This is so far from the truth. 

The principle of the healthy ketogenic diet for me is the macros ratio and their quality. Approx 80% healthy fat, 5% healthy carbs and 15% healthy protein. This might sound freaky but 80% fat isn’t all that much in terms of bulk. There is so much data around now about the value of eating organically grown food and vegetables, grass fed humanely raised meat products, clean saturated fats. Our society has been ravaged by illnesses exacerbated by over consumption of grains, sugar, fructose, seed oils and chemicals.

Compare a bowl of freshly picked organically grown salad vegetables with some cold pressed extra virgin olive oil (or MCT Oil) topped with some protein like wild caught salmon and goats feta embellished with herbs and a sprinkling of sea salt to a frozen pizza that is heated up in a microwave and then crisped up in an oven for 5 minutes. Check out our lunch today, mainly from our garden.

Wednesday October 13, 2021

The first thing that I noticed this morning was the date. It’s my youngest sister’s birthday. She turns 59. Holy Moly. That’s sure saying something about our ages.

I went to see my GP yesterday and she had the grace not to ask me about my vaccination status. I was very relieved and very grateful. I’m just going to have some blood tests, pretty basic stuff.

Deep sleep is still down under 10%. I don’t know what exactly to do to improve this but it may have something to do with podcasts and earphones. I’ll play around with some experiments to try to tweak this.

I went for a 50 minute walk with Finn yesterday. That was quite an accomplishment for both of us. Now the trick is to keep this up.

I’m off to have oxygen again this morning. I missed one of my sessions last week due to dentistry hangover. I’ve got to be careful that I don’t make it all seem too hard. The added advantage that I have now is that I can go for a walk with Allissa on the days that I go down to Melbourne.

The veggie garden is coming along brilliantly. I’ve been planting a few more seeds and bits and pieces but I’m not certain how they will go. I need some more soil plus I need some plant food to put down before I put the mulch on top. The days are not really hot yet so it’s not the end of the world but as the weeks go by the days will heat up and I’ll need to lay the mulch. I had a big bowl of baby spinach from the garden yesterday for lunch.

I’ve played my guitar several times this week. It’s a really nice feeling when I click with the backing track and the tone that comes out of the amp. My Spark amp is a real find, there are so many great tones to choose from. I’ll need to get more familiar with it but this week I’ve had a few breakthroughs experimenting with different sounds.

I got the contra prints hung at 2 Right Feet yesterday. Now Finn and Georgie can get their feet done/fixed as well. I’m really pleased about that.

Tuesday October 12, 2021

I awoke this morning with a yearning for Bali. Just 2 years ago it seemed like I had a magic door at the back of my house that would allow me to pass through and be there. It felt to me like it was a suburb of Melbourne. We had 4 flights booked through 2020. That is like a distant dream now. Going anywhere is now a challenge. All because of the Covid 19 pandemic, which still exists but which most people now feel that there are protected from by the simple fact that they have received an emergency sanctioned vaccination that seems to offer some protection but may also pan out to have other hidden secrets.

I have an appointment with my doctor today. I’m nervous! Why? She is a lovely person who I have a great deal of respect for, she was the person who is responsible for me finding out that I had cancer in its early stages. She may be responsible for me living to a ripe old age. I am worried about her response when I tell her that I am not vaccinated. Will I be made to feel like a leper who should be cast off to an island so my shame isn’t visible to others? I hope not but I am not certain. Isn’t this scenario enough to show the authorities that their mandates are in actual fact potentially more harmful than good. Whatever I do I need to stay diplomatic and calm, not defensive. It is my right to refuse to be vaccinated.

I spoke to a friend yesterday who owns a large health food shop in North Fitzroy. She also has breast cancer. She is in the ungodly situation of having to let 9 of her staff leave the business because they have chosen to be not vaccinated. That has a bad whiff of oppression.

Now onto a lighter note. Today we have a few things to get done including hanging pictures at my podiatrist which I am doing as a contra. Going to the doctor at 1.40 and then heading off to Carlton to pick up some pictures. I might be able to do a couple of simulations for them as well.

Monday October 11, 2021

I woke up this morning once again with a metallic ringing in my ears and also feeling like I fell out of a plane. My deep sleep is back up over an hour for the first time since last Monday night. Yesterday I took 6 spirulina tablets plus a heaped teaspoon of activated charcoal as well as having an 80 minute infra red sauna.

I’ll write to Chris today to get a bit of feedback about the potential of mercury vapour seeping into my body during the dental work. I have no doubt that there has been a change in how I feel since last Tuesday night.

I met Melanie 46 years ago. Today is her birthday. She’s not talking to me this year for reasons unknown to me. That’s not totally true, some of it is about something that I know a bit about. Is the chasm repairable? Maybe in the future, but it may be too late by then. She has certainly drawn a line in the sand. A spent the afternoon here yesterday preparing a huge lasagne for her as a surprise and Georgie sent gifts and cards. It’s tragic how decades of friendship and having children together can be torn asunder by some hidden force.

Fingers crossed that it is a good day and all works out well for everyone.

The pandemic response in Victoria is morphing into a new sort of monster. Based on what I read in the press and stories that I hear about friendships dissolving there seems to be a new unfounded arrogance coming from the “I’m vaccinated” camp. As I said yesterday I believe that most of these people have been pulled along by the social undercurrent to toe the line and I also believe that they truly believe that they will be protected from illness and loss by the vaccine and our government. I really and truly hope that this is the case but alas, I think there might be a few surprises on the horizon. We have the warm spring and summer weather in our favour but the intense lack of understanding of the virus and how it works is surely a huge impediment. I would love to know the percentage of Victorians who understand that it will be their immune systems response to the virus taking hold in their cells in the first place and then the attack it mounts on the virus that holds the key to their security and health. The immune systems of most of us modern people have been compromised so much that the precision that it would have if it was functioning well is all but gone and it takes on the colour of a mad American general who is willing to destroy a beautiful city in order of appearing to be strong. The cry now is “Give us back our well earned freedom, we are vaccinated and strong and ready to rock and roll!”

The outcome is yet to be seen, although all we need to do is to look at other highly vaccinated countries who are ahead of us in their vaccination rollout to see what we can expect. 

Good luck mankind.

Some important things to do today.

  • Write to Chris Darby about my physical symptoms and the chances of mercury affecting my body.
  • Contact Dr Peter Eng re detox.
  • Find some new keto meals to prepare and freeze.
  • Prepare the prints for 2 Right Feet and invoices and charts.
  • Set up my music area a bit more efficiently.
  • Do more research on instant detox.
  • Do an enema and contact Agnes about coming for colonics.
  • Look for second hand furniture in Bali.

Sunday October 10, 2021

If I only had the confidence that I had now when I was 18 my life would have been a different journey. Funny thing is that I don’t really want that so it’s really all just speculation.

Looking back, that is the ingredient that I lacked. I had the opportunity, the sense of adventure. I knew the right people and I had the potential. I just lacked confidence.

And what was that all about? I think the missing ingredient was ability. I was good enough to get by but not good enough to garner respect. Especially my own. I don’t think it passed my mind that I could study and learn and hone my skills. For me it was just all about the experience.

My age had something to do about my lack of confidence. Most of the people I was hanging out with, playing music with were at least 4 years older than I was. My band career happened before I turned 20. More like 18. I played in bands solidly between 1966 and 1970. A short 4 years. Then I fell in love and made the decision that this was my destiny. I even sold my Fender stratocaster guitar!

What is confidence? This is the definition from the Cambridge Dictionary – the quality of being certain of your abilities or of having trust in people, plans, or the future.

Looking at that I can honestly say that even though I could be a lot better at a lot of things I do feel confident with myself. I make up for my lack of expertise with a sort of brashness which comes across as extroverted and sanguine.

Wouldn’t it serve our civilization well if we were to put more attention on helping young people to explore and understand their own confidence and to find mentors for them. As a parent I never really thought about doing this. Life is easier to look back on and to see objectively what you could have done. The bounty of time and experience sometimes comes too late.

Removal of Amalgam Fillings

Back in the days of “Leave It To Beaver” and “Father Knows Best” dentists were among that group of trusted professionals like doctors, bank managers, police officers and the like. We didn’t question their wisdom or their ability. They appeared to be an important part of the foundation of society. Yet at the same time they were filling our mouths full of mercury in the form of amalgam fillings.

Mercury is apparently the third most toxic poison that can build up in human bodies. Heavy metals accumulate in the body much faster than they can be eliminated.

Heavy metal poisoning  is linked with many mysterious symptoms, chronic illnesses and diseases including brain fog, fatigue, mood swings, irritability, heart irregularities and skin conditions. They generate and release free radicals which cause oxidative stress in the body hence compromising many of the bodies functions.

Before I was 10 years old I was accosted by a crotchety old dentist named Featherstone Hall who had rooms in Malvern Rd, Prahran. He was a withered old man who was more of a butcher than a dentist. I was so battered after a session with him when I was around 7 years old that my poor mother had to literally carry me home. 

The reason I bought him up was that he was possibly the first dentist to put an amalgam filling in my mouth.

Earlier this year during my cancer treatment my doctor recommended that I have the mercury removed from my move. His viewpoint was that this would help my body heal and also remove potentially toxic metal from my mouth which may leach into my body exacerbating my chances of the cancer metastacizing.

About 2 months ago I decided to go ahead with this but unfortunately I didn’t think to do my own research. Removing the mercury fillings is only one part of the process. There is a chance that some heavy metals had built up in my body over the years from toxins escaping from the fillings as well as whatever effects that may occur from the removal of the mercury. Mercury is stored in the brain, liver, kidneys and bone even after the amalgam has been removed.

This obvious scenario just dawned on me this morning!

The last session that I had with my wholistic dentist was last Tuesday night. I drove home like a stunned mullet and woke the next morning feeling like I had been run over my a truck. I even had to cancel a medical appointment. I am confident that my dentist is highly skilled and took all precautions necessary to stop any mercury getting into my system but the chances are there that something got through. After the dental session he gave me 4 green tablets that I was to chew on the way home to decrease toxicity. He also recommended that I find a practitioner to do a heavy metal detox. I don’t think I really listened closely enough and as a result missed out on understanding the ramifications of having mercury still in my system. I was too busy telling him about my infra red sauna and how I detox in it several times a week.

The point is that after Tuesday my Oura ring has been telling me that my deep sleep has been totally compromised and is almost non existent and to make matters worse my heart rate variability has gone to shit as well. This seems to point to being date coincident with the dental treatment.

On a positive note I have been doing detoxes since the late 70s. I’ve done 3-4 sweat out programs and have been regularly using a sauna since the 80s. This may have helped get rid of some of the heavy metals that may have accumulated.

What I have realized from this mornings “lights coming on” moment is that getting the mercury out is only one step in the process. The next thing that I need to do is to check my body for traces of heavy metal and then work out how to do a thorough detox.

I’ll start with spirulina, activated charcoal and saunas for now.

Saturday October 9, 2021

I’ve just got back from searching for a spray paint unit that Aldi had on special this morning. The local store had run out so I left on my odyssey to find a store that still had one. I had success in Croydon but I also got to discover the shopping mall in Croydon on the other side of the railway station that I had never entered before.

This location has a special significance for me because back in the 1980s it was the location of Croydon market. As far as I know I never went there but this was the first decade of Graphic Impressions. Back then we did the Victoria Market every Sunday. In effect we had stereo market stands due to Mark Perch and Ashley Horne, two young Jewish guys who had their own “shop” but also sold our prints. Ashley’s family, Diane, Harry and his wife sold our prints at Croydon Market. They would arrive at Burwood Rd, pick ups what they needed for their stand and take them to the market. The next week they would bring us the money that they made. This went on for years and was quite lucrative. Harry and his wife … I can visualise them as I write, they were wonderful caricatures of Caulfield Jews. Fabulous, loud, passionate, grateful, honest and hard working. I’m pretty certain that they would have both passed by now. Dianne is possibly still alive. Mark ended up working for us when we first moved into Burwood Rd. I even went to his wedding. 

The Victoria Market period was a pretty significant part of our life which I must write about one day.

There’s a project. Have a re-union with Ashley and Mark. I’ve just sent Ashley a message on Facebook.

Friday October 8, 2021

Time becomes more precious the scarcer it becomes. The sun rising and setting defines some sort of change that signifies a somewhat simulated movement through time but as I have been finally realized all that ever exists is now and now for me that is simply my awareness of existence and my perceptions of the universe around me, my thoughts, reactions, feelings and actions. What I achieve in that moment is really up to me.

My concept of reality is based on my life experience and the agreement with others that certain things and experiences are OK or not OK, beautiful or ugly, acceptable or not acceptable. It is quite possible that there are other realities. Realities that are beyond my experience and intellect.

I think the trick is to be able to experience anything whether one is conscience or not. Don’t fight against those things that frighten you or that you do not understand, don’t resist them. I’m pretty certain that this will diminish whatever power the uncontrollable holds. Maybe this will help me understand them.

I currently perceive myself as seperate from everything else. I am me, residing in the flesh that has been my vehicle for the past 7 decades. What came before or what will come is somewhat irrelevant. A bit like going on an adventure and getting lost along the way. I will work out what to do when the situation arises.

Thursday October 7, 2021

Last night I had more nightmares and woke up once again feeling like I had been run over by a roller coaster. I’m pretty certain that this has been exacerbated by the dental numbing injection that I had on Tuesday night. Today I will do enemas, have a sauna and drink loads of water. I ended up getting out of bed at 9.30, felt like shit for a while but now feel OK.

I just did my first water enema, all I will say is that it was the correct thing to do.

Our business received $20,000 from the government for Covid relief a few days ago, this will take a lot of the immediate pressure off and keep things going for a while longer. At the same time there is a lot of work to do to get our websites and other sales sites, newsletters, blogs etc up to scratch. I will definitely need to enlist Georgie to get on board with this. We’ve both fallen into habits and patterns of our own which don’t necessarily result in online sales.

It is a perfect spring day.

Wednesday October 6. 2021

I spent 2 hours at the dentist last night having the mercury taken out of my teeth accompanied by a soundtrack of loud, frenetic guitar music.

I have worked out a way to make myself very still in uncomfortable moments which has involved a certain amount of self discipline as well as practise at not resisting pain and discomfort when it is happening. I’ve got to admit that it works much better than tensing up and fighting against the onslaught.

The days are still moving fast due to the changed reality of daylight saving but I’m slowly getting used to it.

Life seems to be entering a new phase. Things are slowing down but the overall quality of life is improving. 

I woke late today as I cancelled my Oxygen session due to the overload on my senses from my dentistry work last night.

Tuesday October 5, 2021

In the 60s your music came from the radio, your own record collection or that of as friend. If your parents had a reel to reel tape recorder there was a very slight chance that you could record onto magnetic tape. The same thing went for information. We had magazines like GoSet, Daily Planet and a bit later American Rolling Stone, these were our only source of information about music and musicians. The scarcity made what music we had access to far more valuable.

I first heard Traffic in mid 1967 when they released their first single Paper Sun and a bit later Hole In My Shoe. Steve Winwood who sang, played keyboards and guitar was only 4 years older than me. Jim Capaldi and Chris Wood were 4 years older than him and Dave Mason wasn’t really around for all that long.

Traffic were an important band in my music evolution.

I was 15 and in between my first two bands, still at school and doing a part time job after school delivering wooden boxes of vegetables on the handle bars of my bicycle. I listened to music in the back room of the fruit shop while I waited for Charlie, the owner, to get my next delivery ready. I’m pretty certain that this is where I first heard Traffic. Steve Winwood had already sang and played Hammond Organ in The Spencer Davis Group. he had a voice like an American Blues singer when he was only 16. Even now if I listen to Keep on Running, Gimme Some Lovin’ or I’m a Man it’s hard to believe that the singer was in his mid teens.

I must have purchased their first album Mr Fantasy in 1968, the year I started working and also joined my second band The Woz. Over the next few years I remained loyal to Traffic until they broke up around the John Barleycorn Must Die period. Dave Mason had left Traffic after their first singles but returned for their second album which featured his sone “Feelin’ Alright” which Joe Cocker immortalized soon after.

Steve Winwood was one of my early influences as a guitar player.

Chris Wood and Jim Capaldi have both passed away now. 

In 1971 they released a track called “The Low Spark of High Heeled Boys”. I never went to the trouble to find out what this meant until just last night, although I must admit that I had wondered. Turns out “low spark” is a heroin injection and “a high heeled boy” is a concoction of heroin and cocaine. Fancy that! 

Monday October 4, 2021

Daylight savings began again yesterday. The first day is always like a runaway train although I prepared my headspace a bit better yesterday and got lots done. The day still flew by. Both Georgie and I got lots done around the house. We’ve both got inspiration to create a safe space for ourselves and our family. We even had a sauna together in the early evening.

The veggie garden is very happy and growing slowly but surely, still no problems with snails but I’m sure that will come as time moves by. I picked some greens yesterday and made an omelette for lunch. Pretty delicious. Next item on the agenda is our hot sauna and then a chicken coup.

It was a bit harder getting out of bed this morning but I did get out at 7.30, 30 minutes later than on a normal hyperbaric Oxygen day. My head felt a bit thick and my back ached a bit. I didn’t feel great but I have been doing a whole lot more exercise lately and bending a lot more to get my gardening done so that might be part of the reason. I’m OK now, 45 mins after I got out of bed. 

The state and country is still going crazy in regard to the polarisation that vaxed and unvaxxed controversy is perpetuated. Each case is worth considering for it’s merits. There are certain responsibilities that you need to uphold if you decide that you do not want the vaccination but in a society like ours it still must remain an individual choice, especially under the circumstances about what the vaccinations can possibly do over a longer period. It is still unknown.

I haven’t played music for a couple of days. I think that the trick is to set my room up more efficiently and to learn some of the skills that I will need to do recording.

Something that I’ve noticed is that since I have stopped going to my treatments on a regular basis I have become a bit more slack about how I dress. This is understandable because I’m not going to dig in the garden in a sports coat but I’ve been inclined to wear the same pants for several days in a row and not hang up my clothing as often as I did in the past. I’ve changed this to a degree by taking care what I wear when I go to my oxygen sessions on Mondays and Wednesdays.

I have been eating a bit better of late. More vegetables, more raw food. The challenge I will have now is to eat earlier so I don’t go to bed feeling full, which I did last night. It’s not good for sleeping.

Sunday October 3, 3021

I hate to admit it but I am wavering in my resolve not to be bulldozed into accepting the Covid vaccine. I even dreamt about it last night (or was it a nightmare?). The governmental and general pressure to be vaccinated has ramped up to fever pitch and as I said yesterday our liberties are now at threat of being taken away putting Victoria and Australia into some dark totalitarian state that I would have never though faintly possible.

I really want to go to Bali, to visit our Villa and finish it off and then to get it ready to rent out to guests. I want the freedom to get a haircut when I choose, to get whatever medical treatment that I deem necessary.

What does it say about a society that accepts mandates such as these with what to me looks like a blind eye? It is all about a campaign to make people feel safe. 

I have to accept that the human species is easily led, for good and bad. That is how despots can get into power and stay there. That is how young men can be convinced to go to war and die or come home traumatised to a society that disowns them. You have to be either very brave or very crazy to fight against this sort of group think.

I will do research into the current vaccinations and also Novavax which may or may not come next year.

No decisions are made.

I did a zoom interview with a guy named Aaron yesterday for a company named Heath Wise who pair up people with health studies. It was far easier than I thought it would be and he even commented that our interview was one of the best that he had ever done. I wondered last night whether I could do it on my own, that is talk into a microphone and camera. It is something that I have wanted to do for a long time, to talk about life, my viewpoints and how I go about various aspects of living. I’ll treat it as a first step.

On the subject of yesterday. All I will say is that it was a fabulous family day. These are the sort of days I wish I could have experienced more often but that’s OK because I have the future.

Saturday October 2, 2021

It is now illegal for me to get a haircut in my home state of Victoria. It is also possible that it will be illegal for me to visit my cancer doctor and have IVs which have been a crucial and extraordinary part of my cancer treatment, same goes for my HBOT (Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy). It is impossible for me to get to my villa in Bali where I have invested all of my retirement funds to create a lifestyle which I have looked forward to for decades. My freedoms are slowly but surely being taken away from me.

How could this be. It’s not the mid 60s in Beijing during the Cultural Revolution, although I must admit that it’s starting to feel a bit like that.

The reason for the restrictions is that I have chosen not to be vaccinated with the new Covid 19 vaccinations.

Nowhere is it being taken into account or consideration that I am taking actions above and beyond the average expected level of our society. For example I am taking 7000 IU of Vit D each day, zinc, Vit C, Quercitin and a range of other anti-virals and anti-inflammatories. I am walking on average at least 10 hours a week, I am doing approximately 8-10 hours of infrared sauna a week, I regularly measure the oxygen levels in my body, I am not obese or do not have other co-morbidities, I am sleeping an average of 8 hours a night, eating a low carb healthy diet with no sugar or junk food, I am not drinking alcohol, doing 2 90 minute HBOT sessions a week and the list goes. I am pretty much staying away from people and abiding by almost all of the arcane rules that my government is imposing on me. But I am still labelled as an anti-vaxxer, a spreader of misinformation, a believer in conspiracy theories being thrown around own the internet and once again the list goes on.

The world has been tricked into believing that the governments and mainstream media and big pharma actually want to protect us.

I’m not going to pretend that I’m not a bit confused. There is so much data and scientific information to sift through that it is almost impossible to be certain about anything. That makes sense because even though we are well over 10 months into the pandemic we are still fumbling along.

As wise people say “Follow the money!”

Even though it sounds extreme there are parallels to the Cultural Revolution … censorship, dobbing in friends and family, shunning, re-education. The mainstream have created powerful words which have been defined to suit their purposes. Words like misinformation, conspiracy theorist, anti-vaxxer. These words and labels have been weaponised. The general public conjure up images of wild eyed, extremely right wing Q’anon hypnotised selfish assholes whose sole purpose is to undermine civilization.

My life will not be ….

Friday October 1, 2021

It’s been a week now since I have kept my kitchen clean and tidy. I’m really enjoying having an almost pristine kitchen, the same goes to a degree for the kitchen courtyard. The new garden has also been in for a week and is coming along as expected.

Covid has finally come to town and will continue to proliferate over the coming weeks and possibly months. The majority of people have been convinced by the powers that be that the unvaccinated minority should be punished for being obstinate and selfish. This will result in shunning but WTF, my integrity is more important to me than being told I am wrong by somebody who probably doesn’t know what they are talking about. I am now even more staggered by the power of the media over the masses. It is empirical. You look at the papers, online (I don’t watch TV news) and the massages are all there. These are the slogans that people parrot back at you. Oh well. I’m working on my health and should be OK.

Enough of that, it’s enough to depress me!

Every now and again my attention slips onto the subject of death. It doesn’t get stuck like it used to and I certainly don’t allow myself the disservice of going down the rabbit hole anymore but at the same time I have to admit that it is such a mystery and so inconceivable that it’s a hard one to get your head around. Maybe I should just wait and see, I really don’t have a better option.

Right now the main area that Georgie and I need to put our attention on is creating an income. We’ve pretty much bottomed out on our savings and whatever I have left over will go toward my treatments and dentist work. Maybe we could pull off a minor miracle somewhere along the line.

So here is a random list of a few ideas.

  • Create Flipsnack catalogues for each individual artist that we have existing artworks for, including prints.
  • Get newsletters being done weekly.
  • Blogs for both Artscope and Tusk Gallery.
  • Sale page on website fixed and populated.
  • Bali Villa ready to rent out, get AirBnB ready, get Flipsnack catalogue done and any other promo.
  • Keep pushing for Government Business Grants.
  • Red Hill Disaster Business Grant.
  • Improve our Block Shop page.

That’s enough for now! What I usually do is create a list that is undoable which defeats the purpose!

It’s looking like a perfect spring day so I’ll have to make the most of it. Plans today include going for a walk with Georgie, putting more rubbish into the van and tidying up our driveway, putting up the new solar lights in the kitchen courtyard, playing and recording some guitar, shopping and cooking some meals for Georgie and Finn.

Late to bed last night, woke up at 7am and went for a 60 minute walk a 8.30am before the sun reached its’ zenith.

I’m feeling a bit cranky this morning and on top of that my sciatica nerve is a bit inflamed again after running in the pool for about 15 mins on Monday. 

I listened to a long podcast by Peter Attia on the current state of Omicron. I didn’t agree with everything they discussed but it was very good to hear the latest viewpoints on where the pandemic has gone. I am forcing myself to listen to a mix of more extreme viewpoints and centrist viewpoints to keep a balance and hopefully a more broad perspective on the disease and the world’s response to the ever-changing mutations.

The more I look the more I see the difference between the power of public opinion and truth. Sometimes these two are worlds apart but I have to accept this because it is real and it is relevant.

Summer is here. The days have been consistently hot. Summer as a person in retirement is a completely different phenomena than when I was working, stressed, drinking and constantly in a state of flux and panic.

Today I will book some flights to Bali using our Jetstar credits.

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Re the Current State of my Health

I’m pretty certain that I’m doing quite well. My sleep has been consistently good although I wake up in the middle of the night to urinate at least once. Exercise could be better but lately has been hampered by a problem with my left leg and sciatica nerve. Still, I am getting in a fair amount of movement and my Oura ring tells me that overall sleep, readiness and activity is OK. I do need to improve my overall heart rate variability. That’s a tricky one which I still do not fully understand. I am still in a state of ketosis most of the time, for example, this morning my BS was 4.1 and KT 2.2.

Diet is OK but I need to get more green veggies and salads into my mouth and possibly a bit more good quality protein. My weight has stabilised again at 80 kg which I should be damn happy about as it was 107 kg plus at the beginning of this journey. It’s great to see my reflection in a mirror and be happy with what I see.

My 70th birthday is fast approaching. Like when a holiday is coming closer to the end there is a feeling of acceptance and a slight resignation but my secret is that I can generally work out how to extend the holiday.

This morning writing session is one of the very best activities that I have. The name I have given it “Defrag Blues” is spot on as the end result is generally one of resolution and it’s akin to having a big, wonderful shower for my mind each morning.

I’ve been trying to wrap my head around the Novavax vaccination mainly because we are probably going to have to have it within the next month.

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Friday, January 28, 2020

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3 years ago, almost to the day I gave up drinking alcohol and started on a journey to heal and repair my body. Along the way I discovered that I had cancer. I attacked this aberrant disease as an attacking marauder and was able to defeat it without too much bloodshed.

It’s easy to look back at how you were with dismay and a certain amount of contempt for yourself if you have been successful in turning the corner and arriving at a new and better place. If you have arrived at this “better place” you also have the luxury of objectivity and the sense that you have climbed the mountain ranges, crossed the flooded rivers and been battered by the sun and that anything ahead of you looks easy.

When I began my transformation back in February 2019 I weighed about 108 kgs, I was pre-diabetic, had high blood pressure, a fatty liver and the thought of going for even a 30 minute walk was almost offensive. I ate whenever I wanted to, sometimes even omitting to eat because I was far too stressed and busy. On days like this I would arrive at 3 pm and feel like my blood and vital organs had been sucked out of me and replaced by stagnant mud. Even when I ate breakfast, lunch and dinner supplemented with snacks I still felt like this. I slept in as late as I possibly could but never felt like I awoke refreshed.

Under all of this “disrepair” I was still essentially me. I may have been a bit depressed at times and I certainly looked forward to making myself numb each night with a formidable quantity of vodka but I was still able to interact with people and glean just enough pleasure out of life to justify going on.

Oh my god, it sounds horrible and yes it was but I had it all justified and if anyone prodded me about my health I got defensive and always had some bullshit excuse that I was stressed and had so much to get done.

The food I ate was mainly “healthy” and good quality but what was lacking was any workable and applicable knowledge of how may body worked, what pre-diabetes actually was, what a fatty liver was a manifestation of, why my blood pressure was always high and I needed to take tablets to get it lower.

When I look back I see a drowning man, panicking and flailing his arms to stay afloat but for some ungodly reason one who was deep down far too ashamed to ask for help. Not that I even knew who I could ask.

I had been seeing a chiropractor, an acupuncturist, a Chinese herbal doctor but underlying all of this I had no chance because I lacked any substantial knowledge about my body.

Fast forward 3 years and that is all in the past. I weigh 80 kgs, my blood pressure is perfect most of the time, my liver is working as it should, I feel pretty fit for a man who is 70 and I wake up feeling refreshed. I can even look in a mirror and feel OK about myself.

What did I do?

I’m not going to write the whole story in this post. needless to say it could fill a book. What I do want to talk about briefly is the food/eating protocol that I adopted and the knowledge that I learned along the way.

The key factors to my transformation are a) adopting a healthy ketogenic diet and understanding why I was doing it b) having an understanding of what metabolic syndrome is and maybe even more importantly, what insulin resistance is. Sounds simple! To be honest, yes it is but at the same time it took a huge amount of discipline, hard work, persistence, study, exercise, changing my cooking style and my eating habits and schedule. It meant changing the way I lived my life completely and being 100% committed to sticking to the regimen that I chose to follow.

If you want to improve the quality of your life I strongly recommend that you watch the following podcasts/YouTube clips that go over some of the basics that I talked about above.

The best advice I can give you is that you have to take full responsibility for your own health no matter what, you can’t blame anything or anyone else for the condition you are in and secondly that you continue to improve your knowledge of how your body works, what it needs and how you can apply this data to your own life.

It’s hard at the start, it gets easier, you must continue and not compromise but it is worth all of the effort and hard work that is ahead of you.

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It is now 4 days since I had my Novavax vaccination. I refuse to call it a jab as I hate any of the popular vernacular that sprung up around this new culture. I heard this morning that Pfizer has made 37 million dollars from the pandemic and even more frighteningly has gone from being one of America’s most mistrusted companies to a shining brand name. What a ploy it was naming the vaccine after the company! Anyway back to me. I went for a walk yesterday morning during which my face felt like I had experienced a mini stroke. Nothing outrageous but it felt a bit numb from my left eye down to my jaw. I stopped taking ivermectin last night. I took 6 18 mg capsules, 3 days before and 3 after the vaccine was administered. I will now be able to rule out symptoms from the ivermectin. Overall it looks like so far there has been no huge reaction from NUVAXOVID (Novavax) although I have been feeling a bit lower emotionally a bit like going from the high E on a 6 string guitar to the middle E on the D string of as Bass Guitar.

General

It is 37 years ago since Helen got married to Jake. For dome reason I didn’t realize that it happened during February. We were living in Burke Rd, Camberwell if my memory serves me and I had my first short haircut for over a decade. This was the year before we purchased our house in French St. My god, so long ago. Helen wore a re-jigged wedding dress that my mum wore at her wedding. She looked beautiful. My Dad wore a grey suit, white shirt and tie. It’s so funny looking at him when he was younger than I am now (he was 62). He still had black hair, more than I could say about me.

Apart from that I don’t have any spectacular plans for today.

One interesting thing that happened yesterday was that  we met a man named Anthony who lives at number 18 Mountain Drive. Turns out that he is a musician, has a recording studio and has philosophically aligned viewpoints to ours. We had a fabulous conversation, very open and intimate. Who would have ever imagined that somebody like that was only 4 doors away

Friday February 25, 2022

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I am about to embark on Day 3 of my tooth straightening odyssey. Pain is my constant companion. Eating has become a challenge to the extent that liquid diets are looking like a perfect option. Pain killers and suppressors have become the norm. I’m assuming that by the end of the weekend I will have re-adjusted not so much back to normalcy but I am surmising that I will get used to my new condition.

I have just noticed that the braces on the left side of my lower jaw have become quite loose and are moving. These will need to be looked at as a priority before they get worse.

I suppose that all of this pain and travail that I am putting myself through will eventually pay off. Changing my diet and losing weight wasn’t easy, fighting cancer was like climbing Mt Everest, all of my actions have a price but so far they have all been worthwhile. Getting myself into tip top condition for the final stages of my journey as Gary Collier are all worthwhile. Not that the final stages are upon me. The way I’m planning things I will be around for another 30% of my allocated time.

Later today we have to return to Red Hill with a van load of prints. Before this happens I will have driven to South Yarra and back, loaded the van and driven down Peninsula Link. It’s looking like there is a big day ahead of us so I won’t give myself any unrealistic targets in regard to going for walks, having saunas etc. The most important tasks will be having my braces re-adjusted and working out an eating strategy.

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