A Coward or a Diplomat?

At some point in my life I came to the conclusion that everyone wants to feel acknowledged and understood, they want to feel valuable, loved, listened to, obeyed, taken seriously and a myriad of other things. At the same time I realized that the only way that I could grant others this gift was to attempt to put myself in their shoes and try to occupy their head space and to even attempt to view life through their eyes in order to have some sort of empathy, tolerance and understanding of them. 

I have acknowledged and realized that I also do this as a strategy to stay out of unnecessary conflicts and to achieve or attain my own personal ends without rocking the boat too much.

This doesn’t mean that I am blind to the peccadillos of those around me and it certainly doesn’t mean that from time to time that I don’t feel a certain contempt towards the more irrational protagonists who play a role in my daily interactions. I would be a blind fool to say that I forgive everyone for their rudeness and stupidity.

But does this mean that I am a compromiser? A coward who wouldn’t defend what I believe in? Or is it a strategy to attempt to keep life on an even keel where reason can prevail and where I can even improve the quality of my own life and maybe that of the person I am attempting to understand or deal with.

Does conflict, fighting, using force, making others wrong, proving the point or even all out war ever really achieve anything apart from pain, death and destruction. Personally I think not. Yet, for millennia conflict, war and at times destruction have been a yardstick in the history of mankind. 

To destroy one’s enemy and take what can be taken  by brute force seems to be the predominant method of moving forward for the majority. The survival of the fittest and all of that.

I abhor violence. I do not embrace conflict and I do not feel comfortable with fighting, either verbally or physically. This doesn’t mean that I haven’t been guilty of being an arsehole from time to time or that I am always the arbiter of serenity and peace. It also doesn’t mean that I am brave and wise. There have been countless times when I could have handled disagreements and conflicts in a better way, a way where the outcome could have been more positive for everyone concerned.

When I was younger I wondered why world leaders didn’t just get in touch with each other and communicate in order to come to some resolution or compromise instead of mobilizing a whole generation of young men to fight each other to the death. Back then I didn’t understand the nuances of war and how it could be overtly and covertly used for many nefarious purposes and the personal gain of the powerful and rich.

So my question to myself as I ponder this conundrum is whether I am a coward or a diplomat or even whether I am willing to compromise my own integrity for peace and solace?

I am first to admit that physical violence is abhorrent to me. The idea of physically facing up to another person in a competition of strength and fighting skill isn’t something that I want to partake in. Although I believe that I would defend another person if their well being or life was in danger. On a milder note I am willing to swallow my pride and forget about being right if it means better relationships plus a more positive outcome for both myself and the other party. Why not, doesn’t the end justify the means? If both myself and my antagonist can feel good about any transaction that takes place and if the outcome is more positive than negative for both of us isn’t that a worthwhile path to travel? I think so.

I’m not kidding myself. There is evil in the world. Evil that hurts many people or diminishes the quality of their lives and creates pain and suffering needs to be stamped out, by force if necessary. 

My first port of call is always communication mixed with an understanding of the ends that I am looking to achieve. Isn’t it better to make an ally as opposed to an enemy?

When you look closely you are simply dealing with different levels and forms of communication. At the top of the heap is communication built on reason, inspiration and creativity and yes, it certainly changes and becomes more solid as it goes down to antagonism and anger and in some ways even worse when it is based on covert lies and deception, altered truths with no moral values attached and possibly even worse when it drops to apathy where nobody gives a shit anyway. 

There have to be positives in any interaction, this doesn’t mean that there are no negatives but to understand others it is important to experience empathy and to at least attempt to understand what is happening with their thoughts and intentions.