Arguments

Let’s face it. After being with the same partner for decades you are bound to have arguments.

Here’s a polite definition “An argument is a statement or set of statements that you use in order to try to convince people that your opinion about something is correct. … An argument is a discussion or debate in which a number of people put forward different or opposing opinions”

Now add emotion, force, a strong belief in one’s own rightness and turn up the volume significantly and you have a domestic argument.

OK, we all have them and like most things it’s how we respond to them that really matters. In actual fact I personally believe that you can learn a lot about how your partner really feels during an argument. So, if you can remain objective you might even learn something about yourself or your actions.

I reckon that the first safeguard in an argument between two people who love each other (or who depend upon each other for their familial survival) is for one of them to shut up as much as possible, remain objective and to let the other partner vent. It’s going to end at some point and the less one of you says it will probably translate to a shorter period of volitivity.

The second observation is to actually listen to what the other person is saying because this is going to be where you discover what they are pissed off about.

The third thing I’ll say is please don’t lose control because we all know that being out of control is how any war starts or that’s the apparency anyway, unless one of the protagonists is a multi -national company that is going to make billions of dollars out of the ensuing carnage.

Here’s another viewpoint that I firmly believe.

After the fireworks are over Georgie and I just carry on as usual.

We just communicate about something that we know we both agree on and this builds the affinity we feel for each other back up again to the point that we can have a logical discussion about what the argument was about. We aren’t anywhere near perfect so this doesn’t always happen immediately but we always eventually turn the ship around.

I’m not at all saying don’t face up to the issues in your relationship. What I am saying is that discussion will be far more constructive when you are feeling calm, logical and totally have no need to illogically assert your own rightness.

This works for us.