Two Years Down The Track : A Tribute To Life (March 2014)
Last Thursday someone said something very simple but also very wise.
“Shit happens and you can’t control it. What you can control is your reaction to it.”
When something happens it is real. There is no fantasy about reality. There is no room for “what ifs”…….
When Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall he could never be put back together again.
When my son Paul left his current incarnation that was the end of a cycle. There wasn’t any magic fix that could bring Paul back to me.
The simple truth was that Melanie, Allissa and I, as well as Finn and all of those who had crossed Paul’s path were still here, in present time. Our responsibility was to keep on moving forward. Life is too amazing to turn your back on it.
I know this sounds a bit ” sweetness and light” but I “believe”, yes belief is different than “knowing”………….
I believe that Paul. Not really Paul anymore. But, the being that was my son for 32 years and almost 6 months dumped a whole lot of “mental and spiritual baggage” in Bangkok after he passed away.
Melanie, Allissa and I all felt it at pretty much the same time at Paul’s services at Wat Samianaree in Bangkok . Paul had moved forward. He decided to continue his eternal journey without us.
Smart move…….
Maybe we’ll bump into each other again one day but the circumstances will be different and one or both of us may not recognise that we were father and son between 1979 and 2012 on Planet Earth. On the other hand maybe one or both of us will…………
If so, our only option will be to stay in present time and treat each other with intelligence and respect. I say that because we will be no longer Father and Son, we will be whoever we are at that particular time.
Here’s my little fantasy.
Paul gravitated toward Asia. He ended up in Bangkok but his closest friends always consisted of Japanese people.
Here’s what I think. I can’t stand on a mountain and cry it out as the “truth” but I believe it to be true and it gives me great comfort.
Paul, the being who was my son, is now in a 17 month old female Japanese body living in Kyoto. She is very happy, healthy and excited about living a full and wondrous life.
Sounds like a fantasy, doesn’t it?
Maybe so. But I’m quite happy with the possibility. And between me and the gatepost I think that I am right.
Being dead, totally unaware…….forever, doesn’t make any sense. There is too much magic associated with life for something so clunky as “being nothing forever”.
Paul, we had many wonderful moments together. I wasn’t always the perfect father and you were not always the perfect son but we had something huge going on between us and I’ll always remember the good times more than the bad.
Wherever you are, whatever you are, whoever you are…..I can still feel your presence and this gives me great comfort. Every now and again I allow myself to immerse myself into the total despair of my loss but I can pull back to the reality of NOW pretty easily. Maybe this is thanks to you. I can’t prove it but I “know’ it.
I hope you are doing well Paul. Wherever you are.
I love you.
Dad
http://www.stormsepiphany.com/PAC/Welcome.html
Paul’s Website, click the link above.
