An Existential Moment in Time
I am on the verge of understanding a need to have the ability to be able to willingly give up one’s possessions and connections in the physical universe including one’s memories.
I am not my body. I am not my mind.
That means that I am me. A state that I live with every moment of my existence but do not fully understand.
All I can come up with is that possessions act something like an anchor. They help you not float away. Ultimately we all have to give them up. Our houses, guitars, money, clothing, identities even our bodies.
I was in a float tank a couple of days ago and my attention went onto some impressions I have of possible past identities that I have assumed. The clarity with which I explored them was about the same intensity that I look back on my early years in Prahran and East Bentleigh. That is that I know I experienced certain sensations, locations, feelings and that there was some sort of time frame involved.
I’m not going to lie. Maybe I am looking for too much meaning, too much complexity. Maybe it is just a matter of letting go and accepting what is inevitable and what always will be as there is no other way. Items in the physical universe cannot persist for ever, in actual fact most of them have a limited life span.
Life energy then cannot be a part of this universe although it can and does operate in it.
I have to keep coming back to acceptance. You cannot resist or fight against something that you have no control over. What you can control is your health, happiness and willingness to experience life as it happens. In the exact moment that it exists and that is all.
When I look around the room I am sitting in I find myself surrounded by bits and pieces that I have accumulated along the way. They represent certain aspects of my personality, my sense of aesthetics, my ability to define a position in the physical universe which is mine for now. Somebody can enter my space and recognize that it is different than other spaces and something about is is representative of me.
It is all transient. Really it cannot be any other way. Creation is an ongoing activity. In some ways there is no destruction, just continual creation and if I am what I believe myself to be then I have the ability to continue to create in the current moment. I was going to say forever, for infinity, for time immemorial but that in itself is a lie because time is only relevant in relation to the physical universe. What is to come will soon be a memory. A personal memory for me but a shared memory for our species. And none of it really means anything in the bigger picture.
