Self Reflection
I want to get so much done. Some nights, I lay my head on the pillow and chastise myself for what feels like an idle day. But then morning comes, I make my coffee, and I start writing my journal, Conversations With Myself. I meander through my thoughts, review my achievements and forward progress, confront my demons, and generally rave, rant, and philosophize about whatever comes to mind. And then the light turns on—I realize that yesterday wasn’t a waste of time after all. It was an incredibly full day; I just took it for granted.
The challenge of being so driven to create, to improve, to change, and to move forward is that I often leave things unfinished—sketches that need refinement, ideas that need development, projects waiting for completion. I have this strange belief that they will somehow move forward on their own steam, as if a music track, a blog post, a design project, or a new friendship will magically complete itself. Inspiration comes at me like kamikaze planes crashing into a ship; ideas burst like a dam breaking, flooding my mind with possibilities.
My challenge is to slow down, to complete what I begin, to take things to their logical conclusion before deciding whether to share them with the world.
That said, I must admit—I love this chaos that I create. As long as it doesn’t negatively impact the lives or aspirations of others, I am perfectly fine with it. I’ve come to accept that I don’t have the patience or the singular devotion to dedicate myself to just one path, one skill, or one pursuit. I wake up with a clear vision of what I want to achieve, only to be pulled in different directions—a forgotten idea resurfaces, an old friend comes to mind, a new friend takes precedence, a half-finished music track calls for my attention until a brand-new melody suddenly takes over.
And the truth is, I don’t mind living this way. My thoughts swirl like the ingredients of a blender, mixing and melding to create a new flavor for my life.
I can’t imagine waking up in the morning wondering how I’ll get through the day without inspiration, without curiosity, without the fire of creation. If anything, I should be more appreciative of the inquisitiveness and spontaneity that seem to have been embedded in me since birth.
Lucky for me, the fire is still blazing, and I have a lifetime supply of logs to keep it burning.
