Life Is Good
It is the last day of my 70th winter. Not a winter of discontent in any way, shape or form even though we have been in lockdown throughout most of it. In many ways it has been one of the most de-stressed and happy periods of my life.
I don’t really have any problems anymore, unless I really work hard at creating them (which I admit is still possible) plus I’ve developed the tools and expertise to not exacerbate uncomfortable relationship experiences.
I’ve finally reached the point where I can almost truly say that I “always look on the bright side of life”.
It’s almost Monty Pythonesque to look back on all of the struggle, hardship, duress that I put myself through in order to have my own business and to live my life like I chose to. I’d never swap a minute of it even if I could but I would learn how to run a business (or any activity that I was involved in for that matter) proficiently and successfully both on a financial level as well as in regard to staff and other vital areas of profitability and viability.
And in saying that I’ve just proved that I’m a bloody liar because I’ve just said that I would change things. Oh well, can’t win can I?
My business was like my life. It just randomly happened as an extension of my own needs. I suppose that the idea of having a business is to make a profit in order to have more money than you spend. I never really got that back when I started. Just making money was enough. But the more money we made the more we felt a need to expand and hire new people. I’m sure there were times where the purpose of the business was “creating jobs for people who needed one!”.
Don’t get me wrong. It was a lot of fun and the challenges made life exciting. And we made it up as we went. Which gets me back to what I said earlier. Underlying the whole enterprise was the simple fact that I never fully realized that as well as having a good time, full of challenges and the excitement of coming up with new ideas was the simple fact that in order to have a successful business you have to fully understand that you need to make more money than you spend. Well that’s on the playing field that I was on, maybe there are exceptions in big business where they break the rules but there again these are the guys who make the rules!
I ran my business and lived my life in the same way that I cooked a meal. A) It had to be impressive and adventurous B) It could never be the same as I had done before C) I made it up as I cooked it and instead of using a recipe I obstinately went on feel and intuition. D) I nearly always enjoyed eating it and I hoped that others would also enjoy it as much as I did. Once that was done, then it was time to create the next meal. I never even tried to remember what I did or even better, write down the damn recipe. That describes my wonderful chaotic life.
Underlying the laws of supply and demand sits a very simple principle. You always have to have a little more than you need. I pretty much always cut this a bit too fine. I robbed from Peter to give to Paul. I jiggled the books, creating reserves and then spending them to keep the boat floating while at the same time deluding myself that I could and would pay them back. I wrote programs and plans, which by the way I loved doing but the problem was that I quite often just thought that the plans would magically come to fruition, which they sometimes did. For me it was the act of creation, having the idea was enough.
I’m not demeaning my life or my abilities, I’m just looking back on this as I have my morning coffee. Apart from a few shitty experiences I couldn’t have wished for a better life full of adventure, uncertainty and somehow always serving my purpose which has something to do with beauty and communication which when you think about it are sort of the same thing.
It has been interesting to get to “the end” of my business career with virtually no money stashed away, my main asset is my optimism, and then find myself having to spend all of my meagre savings on curing myself of cancer. But, there again I always need a project and that was a worthy one. There was even the magic moment when I ran out of money and needed another $30,000 for another round of IV (intravenous) and HBOT (oxygen) treatments. 2 days later we got 10 orders from Korea, of all places, from 10 different people for paintings by an artist who I had helped earlier in his career. This netted almost $40,000. Yes, I believe in magic.
Georgie always said to me that it looked like my purpose was to help the artists more than it was to help ourselves. maybe she was right but without that slant on things I really wouldn’t have enjoyed myself enough to keep going.
So here I am on the last day of winter 2021. Happy as a pig in shit, cured of cancer and most of my negative addictions. The only things I am addicted to now are positive and activities that I get immense pleasure out of. I have worked out that if I spend a bit of time each day writing about whatever comes into my head that it’s a bit like getting out the Dyson vacuum cleaner and doing a “spiritual”spring clean.
If I need new friends I know that I have the ability to make them. If I need money then I know that magic can happen. If I need love it’s all around me and all I have to do is to reach out. If I need food I can cook it for myself and to top it all off we are now working on a project to grow our own vegetables. I can create music, I can write down my thoughts, I can look at beautiful things both inside, created by others or nature and I still have the urge and ability to help others if I ever need to. But having said that I am now a bit more discerning about who I will help. It’s taken a lifetime to realise that not everyone will accept help.
One creates what one thinks they need to. You can sometimes I’m imprison yourself in your own creations but at the same time you can also release yourself if you really want to be released. I’m pretty certain that I have achieved overcoming my biggest fears in life and realise that the trick is to just appreciate every second of what is happening in the present and to be tolerant and compassionate towards my fellow travellers.
Life is good.
