The Jerk Who Lives In My Head
We spend more time interacting with the jerk who lives in our own head than pretty much anyone else. It’s not unusual to wake up not knowing how this constant companion is going to feel. I’m going to call this entity “it” as opposed to “he or she” because I’ve got a feeling that gender doesn’t come into it.
The more reflective that I become the louder “it” becomes. The more isolated that I am from others the more garrulous “it” is. I really do find myself challenging “it’s” motivations and intentions which is why I spend a certain part of each day writing my blog which I call “Defrag Blues : Conversations With Myself”.
There are times when my not too silent companion is happy and content, motivated and disciplined, curious and adventurous, craving to meet new people and share ideas. Then there are other times when “it” gets introverted, cranky, scared, even confused and only wants to yabber to me, wondering about life, the future, arguing against my best intentions or talking me out of doing the things that I have planned or need to get done.
What a weird concept this is when you reflect on it. There appear to be two entities involved (you and it) but I’d like to say that this is not the case. On the other hand, if you are having a conversation with yourself then to that degree you are creating a division between yourself and this other somewhat out of control entity. It’s like you have your own debating team to deal with.
On a more positive and pragmatic note I have to say that I spend most of my time in some sort of harmony with “it”. It’s only when things go awry or get out of hand that I even notice “it”. The trick is to really work on liking “it”, being in good communication and finding points of agreement.
It always comes back to the old triangle : Affinity, Reality and Communication.
The laws of communication apply 100%. You have to actively work on not pissing each other off. If “it” originates a communication or concept or whatever you’d like to call it then you owe it to everyone concerned to not argue, to treat “it” with respect, to listen, to create space, to acknowledge, to understand, to handle disagreements, to apply logic and have empathy. If “it” tries to talk you out of doing something positive then why not just communicate to “it” like you would to a friend or a person. Create a case and work on getting some agreement instead of mutually just giving up in the face of an obstacle. The laws of affinity or love, for want of a better word also apply. If you allow yourself to fall into apathy, fear, anger, antagonism, boredom then these emotions will influence the level of affinity that exists between you and “it”. To that degree I believe that you have to create working on a similar vibration. Then of course there is agreement on what is real, this would even involve goals and motivations, ethics, morality, what is right and what is wrong from your perspective.
So yes, the simple yet complex laws of Affinity, Reality and Communication play a huge role in your relationship with this constant companion that seems to live in your head, this voice which seems to have such a huge impact on your quality of life, actions and outcomes.
Not only do you have to like yourself but you’ve also got to spend some quality time working on your relationship with “it”.
